A YouTuber's Descent Into Madness 

I have never, in my life, meant the words "rest in peace" more seriously. I hope his son grows up knowing how well loved he was by his father.

His friends knew him as Chay and he was a good friend. I have a few tattoos and shirts from him. We tried to bring him back to the US. I contacted Shrouded Hand about covering his story last year. I'm glad his story is getting out there. Edit: I don't think it was mentioned in the video, one thing that could've been a contributing factor is that the boss that gave him the expired antibiotics was for a job at a chemical (possibly pharmaceutical) plant. There were many Indonesian immigrants working there in unsafe conditions without respirators or proper PPE. He told me how the fumes gave him headaches while working. RIP Chay

"my son and only" is genuinely so sweet. I'm honestly tearing up.

The fact that nobody donated is so sad. I wish I would’ve seen his gofundme, I would’ve definitely donated. I know I’m just one person and it might not have done a lot but still. This is so sad

That is so fucking sad man. Dude was basically abandoned and he died a painful and lonely death. My heart goes out to those who suffer from this illness. I will never take a good nights sleep for granted again

The thought of not being able to sleep is absolutely terrifying

What a beautiful man. That message he left for his son is just beyond words… i hope he and his son’s spirits reunite in the afterlife

A man tortured by the worst hand of cards dealt in life. He fought, for his son. Which is the most selfless thing I think I've ever seen. Ricard, may you rest in peace, you earned a well deserved rest.

Most people don't realize how truly precious a good night's sleep is. I live with chronic insomnia caused by PTSD, so I know firsthand how debilitating sleeplessness can be. Yet, what I've experienced is nowhere near what Ricard went through.

that last message for his son made me teary-eyed. hopefully palu's living a good life now and rest in paradise, ricard.

This video made me cry. He looked like such a caring father and talented drawer. May Ricard Siagian rest in peace.

Fluorquinolone toxicity. Cipro and Levaquin and the rest of them have caused so many problems for people that there is a community of more than 10k people on a fb group im in. I suffered from this from being misdiagnosed and given Levaquin. It's killed some of us, and it honestly ruined my life. Im never going to get back to normal but I am close to it.. some others aren't so lucky. Thank you for sharing this story. Every time one of us who've had similar reactions to this med speaks out - doctors either don't believe us or refuse to acknowledge the antibiotics were the problem. Rip Ricard. So sad.

i remember first hearing about this story, not many people realise the importance of sleep and how destroying insomnia can be, its sad

As a tech in a pharmacy, DO NOT GIVE OR SHARE YOUR MEDS WITH SOMEONE ELSE IT CAN BE VERY HARMFUL!!

The amount of spiritual, mental and physical stress this man experienced, with the psychological torment is just painful to imagine. A true relief he isn’t suffering anymore.

Oh damn this kinda got me in tears This poor man not really being able to say goodbye to his son Is so depressing

“Son and only” 💔 have heard this story a couple of times and never heard that detail, among many others in this video. Thank you, Nick!

I think him being awake and aware enough to leave one beautiful message for his son is simultaneously one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful things. The fact that through all that pain and mental anguish he was going through, he was able to spend his last bit of energy on focussing on that message for his son.

real talk fatal insomnia is one of my biggest fears

Rest in peace, Ricard. You deserved so much more from this world. Amazing dad and an amazing person.

one of the saddest parts ON TOP of this story is that it is VERY possible his son Palu will find and see videos of his own father falling into madness, then death, some day. (idk how old his son would be now so possibly this has already happened)

Heart-breaking, man....I hope Ricard gets to paint full galaxies in the literal universe, wherever he is now. That type of creativity doesn't just disappear.

Fuck! I have severe insomnia, and have gone multiple days without sleeping before. It’s hell on earth. It’s rage-inducing, terrorizing. I can’t imagine he felt and sadly, his passing is finally his chance to sleep. That poor man. Rest in peace

Occasionally, my interest in the dark and morbid leads me to a video that makes me cry. This was one of them. The human body is so intensely cruel. I truly hope there is a heaven--this man deserves to rest there.

This is the shit that just makes me so angry. Why can such nice and unique people die in the most horrific and tragic ways yet there are so many monsters out there that deserve a fate just as if not worse than this just walking around. At least he's finally getting rest.

Whatever insomnia he suffered, it's disturbing he documented his own decline over time. I myself can't imagine spending every second awake. No peaceful rest. It makes me grateful for every moment I sleep peacefully

Thanks for this kind tribute to this brave man. I hope he gets his wish to see his son again. He was a good father.

I've heard of his story before, but this is the first time someone has covered his life and passions, skills and accomplishments. Thank you for giving this tragic story the humanity and empathy it deserves. RIP Chay. There is a community of people that have been "floxed" giving each other support and raising awareness for these antibiotic types in order to keep future generations safe. You are not alone.

As someone with mild insomnia, this must've been a literal nightmare. He was so strong and kept fighting, may he rest in peace.

I had a UTI and was prescribed Ciprofloxacin. I reacted badly. I had a fever, chills, my chest felt 'weak', I felt so strange. I knew it was the med. Called my doc who was on vacation, but thankfully another doc in the office took me seriously, prescribed Bactrim instead, and added I was allergic to Cipro in my patient history chart so I'd never be prescribed that again. The new med was fine, and I felt much better 24 hours after stopping Cipro. Never ignore your reactions. I'm so sad for what this fellow human went through, and his family.

"My Son and Only" is what got me Ricard seemed like a really great guy and an amazing father on top of it all. I hope is son realizes how much he was loved Rest in Peace, you beautiful soul

As a chroniclly ill person that went years looking for a Diegnoses this hits hard. It often feels like your fighting the medical system. Screaming for help and it's so hard to find a doctor that will listen to you. Being bedridden is sole crushing. I was bedridden for for 1-2 years. Rip Rickard. I hope you are at peace. Sending love to his family especially his son. Remember him as he was not what he became.

Whether he actually had it or not, fatal insomnia is so scary. The only comfort really is how incredibly rare it is.

Lack of sleep can cause the brain to go haywire for some. It's really sad and terrifying.

This one hurt. Hope his family keep his memory and art alive for his son and make sure he knows how much his dad adored him

After seeing the absolute living torture this poor guy had to endure for over a year, this makes me not take sleep for granted as much... He really did not deserve this. Rest in peace.

This is just upsetting, my guy didn’t do anything to deserve the grief and severe insomnia.

I feel so bad for his son. I couldn’t imagine the son losing his father. He just wanted to get better to go back with his son and live a normal life

People donating millions for girls dancing or even bobbling their head on various Social Networking platforms while this guy who fought back this illness for the sake of his son was ABANDONED and Ignored, man ...i literally just lost my complete faith in humanity .....

So sad. He seemed like a genuinely good dude and he didn't deserve this. Im glad you have shown his story here. Even if not many saw his videos when he was alive. We all at the very least can remember him now.

My dad passed in January and Ricard’s message to his son made me cry.

It's honestly disheartening how little research is done into sleep disorders. I have the opposite problem--I have idiopathic hypersomnia. But taking meds and still feeling exhausted all the time is so rough on your mental state. Rip Ricard, wish this world had been able to help you more.

This is so sad. 😢 His art was beautiful, especially that music composition played in the video. I wish that he was able to get help . My heart goes out to his son and his family . Rest in peace , legend. God rest his soul.

Thank you for making me aware of this amazing person! I had never heard of him before and I hope his legend carries on!

This one was genuinely heartbreaking. He seemed like a really nice guy who loved his son more than anything.

I can not fathom a world where you have to take random pills that somebody gave you for a UTI, because going to the doctor would bankrupt you. It's heartbreaking and my heart goes out to people in places like the US who struggle like this

I always get so excited when I receive a notification that you've posted a new video! Thanks for these great videos man!!!

I’ve suffered from bouts of insomnia before and it was a living hell- I cannot imagine the pain and frustration of having to deal with it on this extreme level.

I took Ciprofloxacin in 2020. Developed painful insomnia that feels like a terrifying jolt that shocks you awake as soon as you start losing consciousness. I got akathisia, agitation, neuropathy, horrible anxiety, brain fog, depression... The list goes on. I am nearing 4 years now and I'm still not fully better. And if I ever have to take any other antibiotics that used to be fine for me, I get thrown back into hell for 4-8 months. Haven't worked in all that time. I live with my grandparents at age 34. My girlfriend left me. My life is more or less over. Stay away from fluoroquinolones! You may be fine taking them a couple of times, but the damage accumulates. Eventually you won't be ok.

this makes my heart hurt. he seems like such an intelligent genuine man and he didn’t deserve this torture

This should be common sense, But never take anybody else’s prescription meds except for your own. It’s super dangerous!!!! R.I.P., Ricard Siagian.

I went through an acute period of insomnia that happened after severe stress and trauma that ended in a nervous breakdown. The lack of sleep made me paranoid and suicidal. It was terrifying. I would have done anything for sleep. I was losing my mind. My heart breaks for this man.

Not having to wait 1-2 months for another Nick Crowley video feels illegal. Thank you RU-vid gods.

I remember hearing about this story. I really have to say I like your treatment of this case much better than others I’ve seen. You spent a lot of time on the man, his life, art and what made him happy not just what happened to him.

Followed you for a while such a deserving channel of the subs over the years.

My father was very sick with sickle cell and died. And i barely have any memory of him. I feel the pain and my heart goes out to his family and others who might experience this❤

that is horrible, there are so many deadbeat men around the world who won't take care of their children. This guy seemed like such a good father, dedicated to his child, or his "son and only" , I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy..

I hope that wherever Palu is now, he's safe, he's happy, he's thriving, and he knows that his dad loved him with all his heart and was desperately trying to return to him.

This is such a heartbreaking story. I hope he rests in peace and that his son is living well. He seemed like a great guy.

Damn, I don't cry in videos or movies often and this just really broke my heart. Poor man. He didn't deserve that and he kept his faith for so long for his son. Rest in peace. 💔❤️‍🩹✝️

Absolutely heartbreaking. I'm Laotian and the first thing I thought of was the outbreak of SUNDS (Sudden Unexpected Death Syndrome) in Hmong-Laotian Americans in the 1980s. This is linked to Brugada syndrome, a rare condition which mostly affects Southeast Asian men, and causes heart palpitations and seizures when sleeping. It can also be triggered by taking certain drugs, and has a strong correlation with schizophrenia. I think there could be a link here, with the heart issues and seizures causing (or worsening) his insomnia which later caused his other symptoms. There's also a trauma element to this disease, and the trauma of losing his mother could have triggered the condition as well. Ricard's case absolutely should be studied more and his life should be honored. Thank you for making this video.

I heard of a lady from South Korea who SWORE she never slept more than 4 minutes for YEARS. She was absolutely convinced. She reached out to a TV show that documents strange situations and after speaking to her, they set up a secret camera and found out she was actually sleeping for 4-5 hours. She had no recollection and still felt as though she had NEVER slept. Even after seeing the video proof, she refused to believe that she was asleep in the video. After a long talk, the crew finally got her to see a doctor and it was determined her symptoms were psychosomatic. The stress of not sleeping was actually stopping her from getting REM sleep, which is why she always felt horrible. Obviously, I don’t know if this is the case with Ricard, but considering how long he survived, he must have been sleeping at least SLIGHTLY more than he imagined. This still doesn’t really explain why he died and had other severe symptoms that were most certainly not in his head. I think it’s possible that his inability to walk, and his obvious mental decline could certainly be due to a fear of sleep. It’s possible that once he started to feel that he wasn’t sleeping, his mind saw that as reality and physically wouldn’t let him sleep. This case is so tragic and it breaks my heart. Ricard was obviously a very loving, kindhearted man who simply wanted the best for his son. I really wish doctors would try to study his videos to try and find SOME answers if at all possible. Rest in Peace, Ricard ❤ You’re finally resting well. Your son will grow up as kind and loving as you…I’m sure of it. ❤

I knew the story the minute I saw his face. So scary you can develop this! Loved to see more of his backstory though, thank you for this video.

What a heartbreaking story. 💔 May he truly Rest In peace. May his son know how much his father loved him and tried his best to get the help he needed, for him.

I had a terrifying two weeks of no sleep as an initial response to taking cymbalta. I remember how agonizing it was laying in bed with my head racing for 12 straight hours and not ever fully losing consciousness. I remember losing the ability to remember even the most basic things, stumbling and laughing in confusion at everything. Eventually I was able to sleep again. Though now, I remember every detail of every dream I have at night. It's like my brain finally adapted to have REM sleep while still partially awake. I'm still disoriented now and again because I live so many lives in my dreams that I have difficulty reminding myself none of it was real and trying to forget about it. I'll feel attachment to people in my dreams that I'll never see again because they don't exist. It's like living a new life every time I go to sleep. Even if his insomnia wasn't fatal familial insomnia, any kind of prolonged insomnia is painful. I do wish that things had gotten better for him.

I have watched so many disturbing documentaries and for some reason this 26 minute video game me the most anxiety I've ever experienced watching something online. I cannot even imagine not ONLY not being able to sleep but also seemingly not getting anyone to help. Truly heartbreaking.

This was So sad. It’s terrible how much he suffered. 😞Rest In Peace Ricard 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I have seen literal snuff videos and other gruesome footage but for some reason the ones that disturb me the most are videos like these that show the mental deterioration of someone suffering from insomnia or dementia…

The love for his son was beautiful… R.I.P. Ricard. 😢

what sucks is that he reached out for help surrounded by a whole world of people and nothing happened. Remember, hell is other people.

Before you even said the name of the antibiotic, I knew exactly what it was. I took cipro once and within 2 days i had hives and a rash all over my body, it was almost more like a sunburn then a rash. Also and this is what scared me the most was both of my achilles tendons on my ankles hurt like I never felt before. Then my wrist started hurting. I didn't attribute that to the antibiotic, but the rash is what made me curious to read the insert and that's when I became shocked! It had a "black box warning" about Tendonitis. I never heard the black box warning before so looked it up. That's when I fell into rabbit hole about the horror stories from people who took that medicine. One that stood out the most was a guy who took only 1 or 2 pills and he became completely crippled as all his tendons throughout his body hurt so bad he ended up in a wheelchair. That medicine really scared me. I was so angry, like how are they allowed to even give this to people? It destroys people lives. I've since learned to read all the inserts that come with my medicines. I didn't take the covid vaccines because I saw all those viral videos of pharmacist who show the insert imside the vaccines box and they had printed "intentionally left blank" on a giant folded up sheet of paper. Isn't that crazy.. "intentionally left blank" 😬 Would you have taken it, if you saw that? Anyway my medical charts now say I'm allergic to Ciprofloxacin, so I'll never go through that again. Also my ankles and wrist we're completely fine after I quit taking it. Now back to the video. My add made me write all this before I forget, once I heard you say "ciprofloxacin" I watched the rest, and it was heartbreaking. 💔 😢 He was reaching out to the world and nobody listened, nobody donated. He was left all alone to suffer. What a shame. I hope he finally got to RIP. 🙏 And I hope his son grows up to be smart kind and healthy and has a very good life. 😢

That is so sad, I hope his son will one day be able to watch the happier videos and appreciate the memory of his father.

I am glad I found this channel randomly and haven't quit watching since.

A similar level of insomnia happened to me, made a few videos about it. I am grateful I have made this far. I was told by the head of a sleep clinic that there is no point in doing any tests because "what do you want us to tell you? You aren't sleeping? You already know that". Literally the response I got at a consultation. The lack of real research or support is astonishing.

Rest in true peace Ricard, may you and your son be reunited in a lovely place and i hope he knows he was endlessly loved until your last days ❤🕊️

Sad to hear seriously. My heart goes out too the guy. I can relate somewhat. I have pelvic floor dysfunction. I was told this would be fixed if I did physical therapy (which I did! As of now 12 times) and the issue is progressively getting worse. I have seen many colorectal surgeons and sadly in NYC. These doctors all are friends with each other and give me the same answer and shoo me away back to my original surgeon whom gives me no answers and tells me comeback in six months. It has now been 7 yrs. I stand all day and only lay down after taking my meds. This has lead to my blood pooling in my legs and not going up too my heart, my legs are always swollen and in pain, my veins are all varicose on my left leg and even in my prostate on the left side. I barely sleep...maybe at most 6 hrs which I'm grateful for after seeing this. We the people need to realize these doctors are not saints and are people with goals and agenda's like anyone else. They won't help unless the right amount of money is given in most cases (especially in the US). I feel like I am not too far off from being like him....

This is such a heartbreaking and sad story, even though all the pain and suffering he went through he still only fought for his son, a true father

Seeing other mystery from another country, in another language is already chilling. But watching a mystery and tragedy in your language is another version of chilling. He sounds like a very polite person. Rest in peace Ricard

I’d be honored to show up on Nick Crowley’s channel

There are two diseases that absolutely terrify me. Rabies and fatal insomnia.

I’ve suffered from insomnia for most of my life and the absolute madness that I’ve been through after just a few days of being awake is terrifying. I’ve been “stalked” by shadow people who lurk in my peripheral vision, heard voices, had conversations with nobody etc. I was convinced that I had experienced a parallel universe. It’s pure hell…

I'm so happy your channel is allowing so many helpless voices to be heard

This is heart-wrenching. It's amazing to me that despite being so miserable, he is relatively calm, and he presses on, hoping for relief or at least the chance to see his son.

This is actually the best sponsorship I've seen.. I'm actually gonna buy tbh as it's relevant to your channel 💪🏼😁

my "son and only" is such a cute phrase honestly

My best friend since childhood has severe insomnia and the stories he tells me about what it does to his mental health is so heartbreaking. "Everyone else is asleep, and so am I yet im awake within my subconscious so its like living in my nightmares" 😢

This was so heart breaking to watch. His note to his so bittersweet, it brought me to tears right away. I hope his son found peace and is living a good life. I truly hope this man is finally at rest. He fought so hard to be with his son 💔

This is a FUCKING sad one, I have a very loving father that reminds me a lot of him and seeing how much he loved his son but wasn't able to see him is actually heart breaking and hits close to home. Rest in peace to this loving father

Absolutely heart breaking. While I'm sorry to hear of his passing, I'm glad he's finally able to rest in peace.

As an indonesian, It's a bizarre experience watching his turmoil, and downward spiral of cognitive function. May he rest in peace.

What a beautiful soul, truly. To spend his last moments in utter agony, but not once wishing harm or death upon others. Remaining to stay selfless and honest. And to remind his son that at the end of each torturous day and night-- he was the only thing he could think about. I hope Paulu grows up into a beautiful man with a kind soul like his father, and uses his life and his father's pain to make the world a better place. May Ricard rest in eternal, interrupted peace💗

I'm sorry Mr. Richard, you have found peace at last. You look so kind and humble, stay that way and I believe you are in a much better place

I’ve only heard this sorry once before, but never heard that last message he wrote to his son. Made me cry. I hope he’s doing well wherever he is, now. Living that artist dream and carrying on his creativity for decades to come.

This hits scarily close to home. I know what it's like to be so exhausted that you'd rather die and it's a mentally damaging experience. I suppose no matter what, there's always someone who's had it worse than you.

Love your videos!!

Damn it man... I can't handle the sheer tragedy that is this story. Rest in peace, Ricard. I pray for your son's safety and wellbeing and I hope for the day you can both play again as you paint your creative beauty across the stars.

As a former drug addict, I suffered from restless legs induced insomnia. I can definitively say it is the most horrifying thing to suffer through. Easily the worst symptom and condition I’ve ever dealt with. I would finally doze off after taking a hot bath and my brain would jolt back awake. It felt like “I’m finally asleep!” And bam I would be wide awake heart racing and wanting to die. I had hallucinations both audio and visual.. having full conversations with people who weren’t there and fading in and out of consciousness. I cannot explain how bad this condition is and I feel so bad for him.

This poor, poor man. I can't imagine what he went through. The feeling of helplessness and sorrow he must have felt when he realized what was happening. I hope he found peace in whatever afterlife he believed in. And may no one else have to go through what he did.

such a massively talented man - He showed more dignity than most of us would in a similar situation. I feel sure he is happy now and that he and his soon will re meet in the fulness of time..

I have never been so disturbed over a RU-vid video before until I watched this. W/out 8-10 hrs of sleep each night, I can’t function normally the next day. So someone not being able to sleep is much worse than hell in my mind