I can relate absolutely to the above message! We lived in Mytchett which is near Woking! We’re married for nearly 64 yrs, my husband passed in June this year so hard to be alone I’m sure someday we will be reunited such an awful loss😢
My lovely husband passed away march 2022 suddenly when I was at work,I was looking forward to seeing him after my shift only to be called by paramedic,I've heard many times "you learn to live with the grief" there's nothing like that,you are simply forced to live with the grief,you don't have much choice but to push on..I can't even describe the pain of losing my best friend its a weird life suddenly,you wonder where he is,what's happening to him,you want to hold him and comfort him but all is vein..how can one learn to live with grief ? That's not possible,you just take life as it comes a day at a time
Wonderful point of view. Accepting the reality that the pain will never truly disappear but that you can live with it and adapt and have a full life is a terrific concept.
I've realized I will never be the same, my life will never be the same ... but, I will reassemble my life again..I honor his love and memory by making these years matter.... the loss of my beloved husband will always be with me, but I can, and do, live. So, yes, acceptance of the pain as the price of our mutual love and 44 yr marriage. I am, sure, in eternity, he misses me, too. We will meet again, and what a happy day that will be. For now, I live on earth and do my best, just as I promised him, I would do.
You are absolutely right, your life will never be the same! And I do believe it's possible to honor his love and memory whilst still enjoying the remainder of your life, having fun and doing all the things you want to do, accepting the fact it's without him. Life is very different but can still be very fun :-)
Thank you. Just over two months after losing my wife of 55 years the pain is often very intense. And I wonder will the pain ever go away. You helped me realize that, no the pain will not go away....ever. I love my wife so much that I could never imagine the pain going away. However, you're right, I must, at some point, learn to live with the pain. Great insight and very helpful.
Thank you . .. I had not thought of it in that way. Everyone says 'in time' it will get easier. . it will Never get easier. . and something about accepting that it will never get easier makes more sense to me. I truly appreciate and resonate with what you say. Thank you for helping me to try to understand the greatest loss I will ever have to live with, the unendurable pain and heartbreak of it.
I think the pain will always be there, but we do learn to live with it in a way that still allows us to have a very fulfilled and happy life. Thinking of you
I would NOT want the grief to end, as I know it never will. To me, the grief is one major way my love for my person is experienced/expressed. One of my biggest worries is how I will feel about my person after many years or decades; the grief keeps me connected.
I absolutely, totally, 100% agree with you! The grief really does keep us connected to our partner and I don't think it will ever stop. However, I think we find ways to live with that grief, and that's what changes over the years… We simply become more skilled and adept at dealing with the grief, even though it is still there… We accept it, rather than fight it!
My wonderful wife returned to her soul existence back in March 2022 & it seems to me that if one is talking about acceptance, it relates to the acceptance of earthly death. Despite her being with me still, but in spirit form & that I know that sometime in the future we will form another life together, I have many moments of tears, brought on by almost anything during sudden moments. Anywhere in our establishment, music, visiting her old town of Woking where I always see her waiting for me at the entrance, as I had travelled from Reading to be with, my then sweetheart. Memories, we had an exceptional married life for over 55 years & had been together for nigh 60. It is hard, even the most innocuous thing can do it & when I find myself going back to those lovely courting days I have to remind myself that what we planned for came to fruition. We lived the dream that was ours. Without going into details, our togetherness could have faltered at the very start but for unusual action on my part when I pined for her on feeling that she was meant for me & that our souls were familiar with each other. We will meet again, but despite this, my sadness is she will not be the lady that I knew in this lifetime & I merely want to hold her close to me & tell her how much I love her & this will never diminish. According to our youngest daughter she knew how much but I still long for her in her earthly state. I fully expect this to go on until my last breath. Unfortunately, the price of love eventually brings forth grief to one or the other but I count myself a very lucky man, I wouldn't have missed this experience for the world or any of its treasures because I had something that, when I was younger, I could never have envisaged.
Thanks for sharing..I echo your thoughts, the pain is intense because they love is intense, it's the ying and yang ☯️, 2 sides of the same coin. We suffer and yet we suffer because we were so lucky to find such love, I too consider myself to be lucky. Thanks for your contribution, it means a lot
Thanks for this topic. I think with time we train our brain to accept what has happened to our loved one no matter how they died, and we cope daily moving forward with our grief,
Hi, I am Anu. I lost my mooooooost loving and caring husband 10 months ago. I still can't believe my healthy fit hearty cheerful intelligent humble and handsome husband died at 53 years of age!!!! Covid. The trauma is massive; the event was sudden and untimely. Struggling like crazy day in and day out. Can't believe he vanished like a soap bubble never thought I will be in this position someday so soooon. Was living life happily shopping, touring, celebrating and suddenly he is gone. What is all this? Does not make any sense...nothing matters to me anymore. Oh so painful it is..
So sorry for your loss. Take one second at a time, soon it'll be a minute at a time, then an hour, then a day.... you'll work through this. Thinking of you
I'm so sorry. I lost my wife of 53 years last November and I know the sadness and pain will never go away. People want me to get better, but better is a non word for me. But I am learning to get through each day a tiny bit easier. I will never be happy again without her but I believe we will be together again, that's what keeps me going to another day. Wishing and praying Peace to you.
Hi i can totally relate to you Anu. I lost my husband of 59 years after 28 years of marriage six months ago due to cancer. He was also a very healthy and fit person but suddenly in a second our lives just turned upside down. He was my soul mate, my best friend. Most selfless, humble and cheerful person. Always thot we will grow old together. Life will never be the same again.
@@rabick62 thanks for your comments... i do believe you will be happy again... it may be a different type of happy though,, one you've never experienced yet. Take care, thinking of you
I struggle with it every day of my Life. The Pain is excruciating, and it never goes away. My dear Wife left us 4 years ago, and I don't think I will ever accept it. I miss her so much, it kills me.
Sorry its so painful for you, I think acceptance means acceptance of the pain, not the pain going away... we run a support group every Tuesday at 1930 UK time if you'd like to join us?
I have accepted. It is repurposing after caregiving for a long time that is the problem. It’s still to fresh I guess. The love will always be there and never forgotten.
Thanks I agree with u I find people want u to GET OVER it as if u have had flu I don't agree wit that also these peoples spouses havnt died so they havnt got a clue my dearest husband died 2021 I'm beginning to really believe it's true as for the first year or so I was so shocked devastated I wanted to die u will know what I mean I'm really trying to make a new life for myself it can't be rushed thanks again u are helping me a lot
I think that acceptance alone is not sufficient to push us forward towards a happy or a wonderful life. It is as if we should accept an enemy within. Instead, I would add accept and befriend the pain. I trick my brain into imagining that such unrelenting pain is not here to destroy me. It is here as a friend, albeit a heavy-handed one. Last July, I lost my husband who was my love, work partner, travel mate and intellectual companion. Life is not the same; it refuses to be. The pain is too heavy with every breath that one day I thought to trick my brain into thinking that pain is a friend. It is here to guide me through social situations. If it is heavy and intolerable, it is a sign that that situation is not good for me.
Yes, I agree. the pain can always teach us something and we can use it... it can be very difficult to do in the early time though. Thank you so much for your input
I think perhaps that acceptance is simply getting our head around the new situation we find ourselves in and attempting to reframe ourselves within that, so yes, I think I agree with you on this. I also agree that acceptance is not an ideal word to use, especially for one who is grieving loss ...when acceptance is used to mean "agree", then its doesn't work. We cannot agree to the loss of our loved one. But when acceptance means not fighting against what is, then that is what we have to do in order to grow. Thank you for your thoughts on this.
An interesting post. I certainly agree with this but my feeling is that the English language doesn't always provide us with the lexicon to deal with the emotion. 'Acceptance' is used like 'coping' - we all know what the words mean but in certain situations, they aren't really adequate. In terms of the acceptance of grief, I feel we need another word to describe what we feel. Perhaps the Germans can help us out?
I'm totally in agreement. Acceptance doesn't mean coping, nor does it mean we've 'moved on' or forgotten. For me it's just the absence of the fight to make the pain go away. The pain is there, but I don't fight it any more. This to me is acceptance.
