ADHD and Relationships: Let's Be Honest 

That awkward moment where you cry at every one of these videos because you got diagnosed as an adult and so much makes sense now.

Anyone gets distracted looking at the comments.

Hello, and seriously, Thank You. At 48 I still hadn’t gotten my world sorted out. Classic ADHD symptoms went untreated through college, military, then private sector. Successful self medication (lots of cigarettes and caffeine), a career rife with novelty, chaos, and danger, as well as a steadfast spousal unit filled to the top with patience means I’ve been/had been exceptionally fortunate. Until I retired at 45, I quit nicotine, found myself in a beautiful home, with a lovely wife, a pool, fancy car, etc… no chaos, no novelty, no risk, and was falling apart. The black wall of “get stuff done” had descended leaving me immobile, frozen. Your work here on RU-vid of all places may have saved my life and for sure saved my marriage of 26 years. I hadn’t realized how little I’d bothered learning about ADHD and it’s broad spectrum impacts day to day. Most importantly my better half was able to sit with me watch several of your videos, and really start to understand ME better even while I hadn’t figured much out yet. Your charismatic, charming, and intelligent presentation though, stopped me in my tracks long enough to listen and realize that I wasn’t alone, wasn’t failing. I’m still a hot mess, but the darkness has receded, I’m able to focus (as you can see lol), and I’ve been much better and hearing my spouse, being aware of and accepting my own chaos, as well as allowing myself to accept help. That’s huge, and you were the catalyst. Thank you, you’re awesome and you’re helping a lot of people.

I was love-bombed by someone with ADHD and eventually, in what felt like an instant, went from the center of their universe to an afterthought. Struggled for weeks to understand what happened and after seeing this, everything makes sense to me now. So thank you from the other side for explaining it clearly and helping me take things less personally.

I'm ADHD and my husband has Schizophrenia. He has too much Dopamine, I don't have enough. Things are interesting, and we've been married for almost 15 years. We understand each other and read up on each other's diagnoses often to remember what we can do to help. It's a wild, beautiful relationship and I'm so lucky.

ADHD seems to make me emotionally distant.

I recently got diagnosed with ADHD and I finally got an explanation why I never had a relationship that lasted more than 6 months. I always seek the thrill and excitement of getting to know someone. Stumbled on this video as I'm currently struggling not to dump someone I really like. I'm starting to get bored. I hyperfocused on him for the last 6 months and now I'm losing it.

I’m south korean and I’m living in korea . I don’t know about other nations but here,,, There is a strong negative image of psychiatry in society, so people tend to hide their struggles with mental health and it makes people more harder to get better.. I am a very outspoken person for a “south korean” . I recently found out that i have an adhd . But even for me i am ashamed to say that i have it… I feel so much better when i watch your video and it really helps me understand myself so thank you so much for uploading.,,,,,,🥺

i love how she’s on a blank wall, it helps not get distracted anything around you and focus more on what you are saying

I wish someone had told me these things my whole life, instead of telling me that it's a problem with my character and I'll always be a bad person that people are just putting up with.

62 years I've dealt with "severe ADHD" and every time I watch one of your vids I just cry. I too wish someone would have told me these things... 4 marriages ago....

Being on the opposite end of the relationship (party without ADHD) the relationship really hurt, a Lot! I got tired of the breaking up every time he "found" someone he thought was exciting enough to leave me for, and then coming back after he realized the grass wasn't greener. The cheating, arguing and eventually fighting for "fun", turned into abuse, and I've been abused a lot through out my life and I finally said "Enough is enough". Thank you for this video.

I recently found out that I have ADHD and my boyfriend sent me this video bc he said he wanted to learn more about it so we can work through the problems that come along 🥺

"Hopefully it resonates with some of you" *Me literally in tears*

I can’t even explain how greatful I am for people like this trying to educate others. I was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade and I’m still trying to educate myself for me and so I can more understand others.

I was recently diagnosed at 25 and this is some of the most eye opening info I’ve come across about ADHD yet. I was beginning to think I just liked falling in love/having ppl fall in love w me, but not being in love. I never understood why as soon as I explored a new person’s mind so deeply and quickly, why out of nowhere I would just start losing interest and started feeling like maintaining the relationship was a chore in plenty of instances. I’m so glad I stumbled across this rather than just going with my own conclusion🙏🏿

To me, ADHD gives me problems in almost all my friendships, and its a huge issue, and I always feel like its my fault for what ever ruins my friendship with people.

I never knew we got hyperfocus from deadlines but it makes sense. In high school, literally every project that was assigned two months in advance I didn't start working on until the day before it was due and I still always got an A since I just stayed up all night cranking it out because I was "on a roll".

My girlfriend and I both have ADD/ADHD, and honestly have the most amazing relationship! She is the one I truly want to grow old with 🥰

And there's also the problem of dealing with and regulating intense emotions like love. Or hyperfocussing on someone you love and develop abandonment issues. And not understanding the neurotypical adult dating games and being way too honest and open.

This woman was born to hold an ADHD audience with those hyperfocus-sparking eyes 😍

My girlfriend and I both have ADHD. Let's just say there is never a boring moment 😂

I wish I’d understood earlier in my life that I might be adhd. Nearly every relationship I’ve had has involved me jumping in feet first because I was convinced that this person was The One™️, because I had such strong feelings for them and always wanted be with them. If I’d understood that that was just a dopamine rush I could have saved myself a lot of heartache - because most of them weren’t even good to me, never mind good for me or anything close to being someone I could have a good relationship with.

I was diagnosed at 5 or 6. I don’t remember this but was told recently by my mother. She said that the doctor told her I’d be fine that as soon as I found an interest. I lived a long time knowing I was different, I had trouble maintaining friendships. In high school I finally decided my purpose in life was to help others cope with people like me. I set a goal early on that I would start a romantic relationship when I was thirty. Problem was that when thirty came, I didn’t know what I was doing. The years passed. Then one day a young girl ran out in front of my car. I saw her looking both ways, something told me to be cautious so I took my foot off the accelerator. The speed limit was thirty five but I was going twenty when she stared to run. She got in front of my car before she realized what she had done. I pressed the brakes as hard as I could. She turned back. She fell but she was no longer directly in front of my car. She was carrying a foam head like the ones used to hold wigs. She shielded herself with. My bumper cover hit the foam head, which in turn hit her in the face. I pulled over and immediately went to help. She was obviously shaken up but the only evidence of injury was that she was bleeding from her mouth. I wanted to make sure she was alright. She pleaded with me to not tell her mom. But I didn’t want to take a chance and told her I was calling 911. I had to convince her that there could be damage that wasn’t immediately visible. I then called her mom after getting the number from her. By now, several witnesses came up and assured me that I did every thing I could do to avoid the accident, that it wasn’t my fault. That didn’t help what I felt, I had caused harm to another person, I was devastated and somewhat in shock myself. When the police fire trucks and ambulance came, I told the police that I was pooling my car off the road and I’d stay in the car until they were ready for my statement. I worked for a top ten insurance company and knew what to do, including not calling the hospital to see how she was doing. This weighed heavy on me and changed my life , not for the better. I was at a movie and there was an accident where someone was run over, I couldn’t take it and walked out, I was at lunch with coworkers and on the way back, a motor cycle ran into the van I was riding in. The cyclist was more embarrassed then injured he picked up his bike and drove away. And I took the rest of the day off. (Trust me, this is going to my first and only romantic relationship.) I needed help and found a psychologist. This helped. After a few sessions he set me with the task of creating a goals list. One of my goals was to have a relationship within the year. I joined match.com and started looking. I had a few dates but got the feeling that the women I was seeing were taking advantage of me and were only interested in my money, none the less, I had some fun but never had a second date. Then I met Mary, she used to be a nurse and was from near to where my mother was raised and the rest of her family still lived. We got along great over email. I asked her out but I had arrived early, I was extremely nervous and decided to have two double scotches to calm my nerves. If I do anything, it’s usually in excess. I thought the date went well even though I monopolized the conversation. When we were leaving, we both said we had fun and we’d do it again. She didn’t return my emails and I didn’t push it. After a week, she wrote me and said she didn’t seam to have the same goals and that she didn’t see us working out. She then followed up and said that she had a coworker that was perfect for me. The only basis I could figure out was that I had a blue point Siamese rescue cat named Riley and she had a golden retriever by the same name. But the name came with the cat and she chose the name. I was terrible to her on the first date. Feeling terrible I called her up and asked to make it up to her. What I found out later is that she only said yes to have a revenge date. But her plan didn’t unfold. I was a perfect gentleman and by the end of the night she knew she was going to marry me. It took me quite a few months before I realized the same. From appearances, she was not someone I would have approached but getting to know her she was the right person we were like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. Tears earlier I read an article about the most romantic man. A lot of thing he did to keep the sparks alive would not go over on Sherry. However , one thing I did take away is that you have to make the choice that you are going to make it work. No matter how they make you feel, you choose to nurture over escalate. Only once in our thirteen years did I lose it. She was not always the easiest person to get along with but made the commitment and we had many good, memorable times together. She passed away last year and I’m lost. She had a $25k insurance policy which we paid funeral expenses the her father and I split the rest. I also had a $30k life insurance from my company. Grief stricken, I spiraled out of control. Within two months I had spent most of it on Amazon,Etsy and Wish. I knew better but always continued to hit “Proceed to checkout”. I knew something was wrong but I was lost. During this time I had gotten interested in dissociate ID syndrome. Just curious and fascinating watching people switch personalities. While looking for videos, RU-vid recommended one of yours. It really hit home, things started to make sense. But I still needed a diagnosis. I had a psych evaluation and to my (dismay(?) amazement(?)) I was diagnosed with ADHD and on scale for bipolar and autism. When I first read the results, I thought how could I have ADHD, my results looked like traits I always strived for in life the type of traits that made me an outstanding programmer and recognized by my peers as such. The person providing the 90 minute test said no those were traits that told her I had ADHD. I have to say, you are a God send. I always had a support system growing up. When I was Married, I depended on Sherry for that support. Where I had deficiencies she had strengths and like wise, where she had deficiencies I had strengths. It sounds cliche but we really did complete each other. When she passed I realized that I had come to depend on only her and for the first time in my life I was utterly and completely lost. My family held an intervention for me and now I’m living off a trust with one sister having power of attorney with regard to my health and the other over finances. I get a weekly allowance which is not enough. But being recently retired for health reasons, they want to make sure I don’t run through my pension within a few years. We’re still working through issues but it is a relief to have the financial burdens off my plate. If you’re reading this sentence, God bless you. You saved my life!

It is a challenge to stay motivated being ADHD. You run out of things that stimulate you and make you happy.

Ok, fair, and can we also talk about the ADHD + Anxiety issues? Like overthinking everything or hyperfocusibg on issues until you work yourself up. Having challenged emotionally regulating and feeling insecure bc of all these things!! Also I love your videos ♡

I wish people could talk more about how you don't know if you like the person or if you like the way they make you feel. It's rare that I get interested in others but once I do I get extremely attached. It's hard for me to differ between feelings of companionship and romantic feelings. I can't always figure out what kind of relationship I want with the other person.

I like how you talk quickly in your video it's easier to pay attention

I'm single, and I'm single by choice. Every relationship feels stifling to me, and it gets dull very fast. I think it's becasue the "normal" way is to slowly get to a point where you live in each other's pockets, and I just need my own space to indulge in my own stimulations. My last girlfriend decided to stay with me for two weeks, and I felt smothered becasue everything we did was a compromise. Now, that's fine. I honestly don't mind compromise, but I can't do it for extended solid blocks of time. Fast forward to now, and I've been in a casual relationship with a neighbour of mine for 2 years. She has her own life and so do I, and we meet up maybe once a week or so and have a date night. Because we haven't seen each other in a few days there is plenty to talk about and feel stimulated with. The time in between is our own, and it works very well

I've often wondered if I'm even capable of having a meaningful long term relationship... This video's given me hope. Thank you.

Honesty is important in any/every relationship… platonic, sexual, personal, professional, etc. This is regardless of having or not having ADHD (or other conditions)

My last relationship just ended 3 days ago. We both started dating way way to quickly. And I think my adhd had a major impact in what caused our downfall. I was starting to get more and more bored and uninterested. And I think she picked up on that, as she started to become uninterested too. When she said she needed a break, I lost it. Now that shes gone, I realize just how much I really did love her and how much i've lost.

Oh my god. I finally understand. The other day, I was trying to figure out why I would lose interest in people or always be trying so desperately to keep them interested in me, including platonic relationships. My best friend and I were sitting on the floor completely frustrated about it. I was trying to explain my feelings but I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t even know what was going on. We ended up in that conversation for maybe three hours and we cried for probably half of it. I’ve known for a while I have ADD, but never in a million years did I think it would affect my relationships. Today I stumbled upon this video, and every probably ten seconds I’d be saying to myself, “Oh my god. How is this EXACTLY what’s happening to me?” By the end, I understood so much better. I’ve always blamed myself for getting way too attached to, well, EVERYTHING, including people. I’d rush things and suddenly slow them down or get upset when they didn’t keep up. But after watching this, I’ve finally got an answer to why all of my relationships haven’t gone the best. I’m actually about to text my ex and apologize to him. Seriously, I can’t thank you enough, and please keep up the videos.

this made me cry so much...I had no idea how much my ADHD has been affecting my relationships

I am a parent and cannot thank you enough for this video. Sharing with my son who is struggling with this issue. Thank you!!

I recently got diagnosed as a 30 year old and now I understand why I would fall head over heels in love with people I barely knew. Now I am married for 2 years to an amazing and understanding (although sometimes frustrated with certain ADHD traits) wife. That thing of falling in love with a person I barely know still is there but I know that if I would be ever unfaithful to my wife that feeling of shame would outclass the new dopamine hit of cheating with another person. This search for someone new that you described is definitely something I need to address in therapy, which will start soon.

I have ADHD but I will never get bored of her eyes

This just made me realize the “love of my life” was never that and we were never in love. Actually a relief for me.

Even though this talked about romantic love, I've seen this in friendships too. This video really helps in that aspect. My best friend and I use to meet up every week, but then school and work started again and so we saw less of each other. I started to get bored (mind you this was a few months into being BFF) and I still feel that way sometimes. But talking to her and getting to know and making sure I put effort into into Relationship than I did with previous friendships is helping a great deal. We have been best friends friends 3 years now and honesty in communication is so important to keep the good relationships going.

Oh I get it now! I recognised this pattern in myself in my early twenties and managed to break it by being brutally honest with myself. It absolutely changed everything for me.

i'm afraid of meeting new people because constantly telling myself "no, they do not want to date you" is exhausting and demoralizing

i got hooked on the dopamine of seeing my boyfriend and we’d see each other every day. now that i don’t, i feel very sad and lost and constantly bored. i haven’t seen him in two weeks, and i feel like it’s doing more harm than good for our relationship on my end of things, im the one who has taken this time apart too personally because to me this feels like rejection :(

Oh. My. Gosh. That moment when you hear so many things that you have experienced and struggled with but never could explain to yourself let alone another person. Thank you.

I have been struggling my whole life and never gotten to understand what I am going through while always feeling like something is wrong with me. You have really helped me a lot!! ❤️❤️

My partner and I both have Inattentive type ADHD which means we have a great understanding of each other, but also means we're that couple that NEVER shows up on time to anything :P

I'm struggling to make my boyfriend understand that my ADHD is more than a quirk

I was extremely lucky to find my girlfriend, we met in third grade and where friends utill my freshman year/her sophomore year of hs we started dating and it's been great I didn't know if if had adhd until fairly recently but even unaware of it my girlfriend has handled my insane self amazing, of course there have been ups and downs and arguments before but we have always been able to say "I love you" at the end of the day. We will be celebrating out 4 year anniversary in April (lil ways out). Being completely honest with how I felt was the key to a healthy relationship, even if it ment short term sadness/hurtfulness I am so happy I found this girl aaaand I forgot what the point if this comment was

I love your videos so much. Can't express enough how glad I found this channel. I was diagnosed very young but have struggled my entire life, as I was never educated much about this illness. It's wonderful to finally have resource.

I had a boyfriend years ago who had severe ADHD that damaged our relationship in many ways. This video reminds me of him so much and helps me understand his brain a little bit better.

Me and my boyfriend both have ADHD and this is the longest and healthiest relationship I've ever had, so I think two people who have it both understand each others symptoms and therefore don't get mad at things like forgetting or stressing out

I am profoundly grateful for your channel and this community. I finally understand so much about myself. I feel understood and normal. Found the channel yesterday 😊

The more I watch your videos, the more pieces I put together about my life until now. Thank you so much!

My boyfriend was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a kid and I am still researching about his condition to understand him better. Still together for 5yrs. ☺️

I wish I could tell my partner this kind of stuff without it sounding like an excuse to him.

Wow, this was like a breath of fresh air. No clinical babble, just honest real world examples from someone who has ADHD herself. Who do you think knows more about how to cope and live 'normal'? I pick someone who has ADHD and can show positive steps to take that are proven to help. Thank you for producing this video.

Spot on! I can't get enough of your videos. They are so refreshing. The understanding is immense and I'm so happy Ive found your content.

This actually makes a lot of sense. I have moderate ADHD and frequently find myself feeling bored with relationships and (politely) ending them as a result. It's always felt like I need 10X the stimulation in life as most people.

I cant even begin to elaborate the flood of tears out my eyes, all these years of self torment and emotional sabotage I've gone thru... with each subject you name off the "Oh my gods" became more and more intense. At the moment you said getting bored I knew things were going to get too real to fast... and above all of it, I thank you (this incudes all your other videos) because of you I can finally accept myself better as a person. This is what I was searching for all my life

Oh my goodness!! It's just so crazy realizing that the things I've been blaming myself for like thinking about a new friendship all day even when I tried not to, were not me going crazy! Since I've found your channel, so many things make sense and I'm so grateful!

This video answered questions of 9 years of thoughts and guilt ive buried myself in, This . This is PRICELESS, I will be back when I have some money to support. You saved me a ton, and you saved my life and others im sure this way. I will support you guys and the channel till I die, cuz I have lived my whole life thinking it is just me like this and that there were no answers. Thank you

ADHD can adversely impact relationships. However, those who continue to stick with us in spite of our condition must really love us.

This is something I always hated myself for. Getting bored with partners and ending the relationship. I never knew why this happened, just short of a year ago I got diagnosed with adhd and things started to make so much more sense. Hearing you talk about this topic makes me realise I’m not crazy and this problem in/with relationships is a real thing. Thank you.

This is one of the most self-enlightening videos I've ever seen!!! I'm so grateful for it 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for this. After many relationships breaking apart because I loose interest I thought I was unable to love but now I can understand that what I’ve though was love was just dopamine highs. That mean that there is still hope for me and that is comforting.

This was posted 5 years ago and that’s when I should have watched it... it would have genuinely changed my life. But from this video forth my life is still changing.

Option D: you are so involved with the dopamine high a certain relationship provides that you end up involving yourself on a very, very, toxic relationship. The toxic relationship system is based on arguing and the dopamine rush of making amends. That dopamine rush feels like first day in love. And it's addictive. Personal experience guys, as ADD person, don't choose someone based on how they spice up your life on ways you didn't expect. Choose someone who makes an effort to understand who you are, helps you, and brings you peace :)

I am seriously impressed with how well you made these videos already years ago. Not only is your content spot on (it totally made me realize why I am considering myself a dating 'machine') but as an online marketer for 10 years I can wholeheartedly say that you know what you're doing and that you have that perfectionistic intelligence. Everything in your video is good. Both from a marketing and content perspective. Seriously. You make ADHD look amazing (which it is). Very well done.

Thank you so much for making these videos I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid and videos have help me understand myself better and given me the courage to talk to my doctor about it

This is finally made me realise that I have ADHD - everything makes sense now. The constant frustration with relationships, and the switching between being hyperclingy to super detached. I'm also brilliant at things I'm interested in but can barely stare at stuff I find boring Thank you for this! Let's try and find another way to boost that dopamine.

Hi brains! I was quite scared after watching this video, because my love has ADHD (and i didn't really know him well while watching this). But reality was not that cruel. I could say I don't really see any serious problems in building our relationship. I often forget that he has ADHD, it feels like he just has his own needs and character. The hardest was to ensure myself, that he just sometimes focuses on smth and want to do it withous interruption, and its not because I'm boring or he doesn't love me. After I stopped bothering him with these questions and stopped asking for attention, the things normalized by themselves and sometimes he could come to me and say "I'm sorry, I feel like I paid you little attention today", and my reaction is "O_o ehm, no". Also, because of the quarantine we're staying on a countryside for 2 months by now. And it never gets boring, we do so many different things together everyday. And he always find the way to make it even more fun, usually some contests, gamifications, experiments. He's making my life unusual and happy. The only price I pay is to clean up the mess he usually leave and respect his attention changes :)) So maybe there's someone who is watching this video now for the first time and feeling the same way that I did - don't be scared, it's all gona be allright, if both know about what's happening and how to cope with it! :)

Holy wow, I have judged myself so harshly for the things you described in this video. It's so valuable to hear and realize that these behaviors were just functions of how my brain works differently! Feeling much more confident approaching future relationships

This is some quality advice Jessica! The struggles feel recognizable and the solutions resonate! It's always scary to open up and be your honest self, but I believe honesty always pays up. Love the effort you put into your content, keep it up!

The one character trait that I can never forgive myself for, finally explained.... thank you.

When I met my wife it was so different to any other relationship I'd entered into. It wasn't not exciting exactly, but it wasn't super exciting and blowing up (and anxiety inducing), but it felt so incredibly safe and warm and she felt incredibly familiar right from the start. My symptoms still did some damage at times, especially when RSD started but because she felt safe and not only did I respect her but I knew she felt the same. I felt like I could just be honest and honestly... It was a flipping revelation! She is such an incredible person and I am so lucky. I never believed in soul mates but not so much now haha.

Saw your ted Talk, and then actually remembered to finally subscribe. I love this channel, and I'm meeting with a doctor on Wednesday to look into getting treatment for my long held diagnosis. This stuff is helping me understand myself on a whole other level.

My ADHD has robbed me of any healthy relationship. I'm am so glad I found these. You make more sense to me then any counselor and are very relatable. With that said thank you. Thank you for your effort and knowledge!

OH MY GOD! 2:01 - For ten years I was EXACTLY like that. TOTAL puppy dog at the beginning of the relationship... not so excited after a couple months. Relationships would always end one of two ways; I would scare them off with the crazy amount of attention in the beginning or they would feel like I stopped liking them or "the spark had gone" when my attention later shifted to other things. I had a very long string of very short relationships before I met my current wife.

I have ADHD and I'm asexual and aromantic, so that solves this problem pretty well

2016... I wish I would've seen this then. It answers so many questions about a toxic relationship I kept myself in and getting bored after 6 months... I love this channel and every video strikes my core and gives me so many answers I never knew I needed. Thank you so much.

thanjk you so much Jess. im in tears. slowly, everyth!ing is beginning to make sense. i wish i heard these earlier but its not late. thank you. i love you.

Okay, the algorithm somehow landed me here, and I’m glad it did. While I arrogantly thought I knew what I needed to know about my ADHD partner, you really spoke to several issues that I didn’t even realize I was allowing to bother me. You have opened up a whole new path to understanding and empathy, thank you so much!

This video was very important for me. I've been hanging out with a girl with ADD for some time, and it's been awesome! She was so fun and engaging, and was SO hooked in me at the beginning. Until after some months I started noticing she would only talk about herself and her problems, and didn't show much interest to know what was going on in my life. What's more, she would take SEVERAL days to read the texts I'd send her, and answer them in a rush. It was a very sharp transition, so I suddenly felt really sad, ignored and not even worthy of her time and attention, until I got to the point where I decided to unfriend her on facebook and instagram, to stop disturbing her. After some time we got in touch again, and I told her what had happened, which was obviously shocking and awkward. Right now, I'm trying to approach her again, with no hopes of ever reaching date-level again, but hopefully at least a friendship. I'd been feeling somewhat worthless and uninteresting ever since, but this video helped me realize that this transition would likely have happened sooner or later, anyway. So I can accept myselft and have better hopes for future relationships. Thank you very much!!

I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but everything on this video and others I’ve been able to relate with. Things start to make sense, I’m able to make sense of myself. Honestly it’s really emotional, especially when I start thinking about my childhood and struggles through school

it’s absolutely frustrating when someone doesn’t understand this. It’s hard to explain to them how i feel and how hard it is for me to sustain a long term relationship

This resonates with me. I am definitely someone who gets bored quickly in relationships; however, I stick around because I still become attached to them and enjoy other parts of the relationship. This has always created one major problem - a drop off of interest in physical intimacy on my part, and my partner feeling left out in the cold. By this point, they are also invested in the relationship and neither of us wants to leave; but the diminishing of physical intimacy makes them feel unloved despite my attempts to show love in other ways, creates anxiety in my partner, and eventually leads to hosts of other problems. It's something I've never figured out how to solve (despite being married now - shocker! - but we're trying to work on this; he knows I'm like this but somedays it doesn't make it any less difficult).

That early stage when you meet someone you really like is where I always go wrong, I smother and overwhelm them with attention :( I think I've learned my lesson after this last time, always keep up with other activities and see your friends when your not with the new person, and always remember to keep focused on your self.

Found this channel recently (currently waiting on a diagnosis) and it's been lovely to watch. Aloooot of what is said resonates with me deeply.

This not does not only apply to this video. But so many more I watched from you. I am glad I found you, Jessica.

I was in a 3 year long relationship that sounded exactly like this. We broke up in August and now I'm getting assessed for adhd, I wish I could go back and tell myself that I wasn't crazy...

This explains concisely the failure of every relationship iv had.

I am so happy to learn from you. You’re really good at teaching. I am increasingly getting a better understanding of things and get flashbacks to moments that made more sense now that I learned these things. I tried acting or believing it would be gone as I grow older but I was sorely mistaken. Now I am glad I have been naturally doing some psychological tricks and trainings to work with the hand I have been dealt with!

This makes a lot of sense considering my last relationship. It was the first time I had come across someone that seemed to go from being overyl attached to completely detached, given they had their reasons but when I tried ending things at the time they didnt want me to which preplexed me because I only did it in response to their dissatisfaction, but in the end I was told they had ADHD and they were going to get an official diagnosis. So this makes a lot of sense to me

Finding someone who loves travel even more than I do has been a boon to our relationship. She doesn't have ADHD, but traveling to new places, "adventuring" and experiencing new things engages the heck out of both of us

i don't ever have problem with relationships, but that's because no one wants to date me in the first place.

Completely relate to the hyper focus on thrilling relationships in the beginning stages. I just thought it was a normal part of new relationships, but it makes sense that people with ADHD get more of a high than most other people.

Wanted to thank you for your great work. Really appreciate what you’re doing for our community. 🙏 sending you good vibes and good wishes.😊

Yeah, I relate to relationship issues. My first boyfriend thought the most romantic, amazing thing for us to do was go for a long walk around campus and then just... sit quietly on a bench. "Enjoying" each others company. In silence. Looking at a few trees and a mostly empty road. He was so happy I never actually admitted that it was torture for me - I hadn't been diagnosed at this point and I just assumed I was the problem and could learn to enjoy the attention. I'm a bit better at communicating and knowing my preferences now, but to this day I do not enjoy most of the classic romantic dates or gestures - though I still hope someday I'll find a partner who is either okay with that or shares my view, but it's been pretty dismal thus far.

My boyfriend has ADHD and we've been together 13 years. He does seem to get very bored easily though watching a show or doing something together we've done. Video helps me understand him more

i'm going through a horrible breakup that i suspect is due in large part to my having (undiagnosed) adhd. this video brings up so many uncomfortable truths for me but is, for that reason, also liberating and gives me some comfort. thank you.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I just got out of/still am in a relationship where I was fixed on the dopamine high of being in love and the newness. Unfortunately, it led to a form of infidelity. Now, we are trying to pick up the pieces and I hope that now I will continue to better understand the way my mind works. I just was put back on my medication which has helped a lot. It's not that I can't focus, but I need to be constantly stimulated so I can hyper focus. If it is something I truly am interested in, it's addictive. I was hooked on video games as a kid--the constant dopamine was consuming. Now, looking at my relationship, I have a much better understanding in how to approach things. Thank you for creating this community.