AITA For Letting my Child Call my Best Friend Dad/Mom? 

This was a bad one to pull the gender from. The gender matters in this one.

One thing I noticed is that op made sure to ask their friend if they're ok with being called mama/dada but didn't feel the need to ask their partner if that was ok with them?

Did anyone else catch that OP suspected that the partner had/has post-partum and didn't get them help? The friend is fantastic for helping, but that does not give them the label of mom/dad. That is the Auntie role, you can't take that label and say "they're being more of a parent than you are." That's awful, partner needs therapy, they probably want to be with baby they just need help getting there. They needed help the moment you noticed something was wrong.

This story is old it turned out op was in love with the friend but highly defensive about it they had been hinted to intimacy and clearly had no desire to help the mother because they wanted to play mum and dad with his friend . Disgusting tbh

i’m lowkey confused because this little snippet doesn’t really fully explain it all. from what it sounds like to me, birthgiver wasn’t involved and distanced themselves from the child and the partner. i actually have a lot of experience in this as someone who stepped up. someone’s child called me mama, and i didn’t correct her. you know why? i fed her, changed her diapers, clothed her, played with her, read to her, talk to her. while her mother got drunk every night, slept all day, let her daughter sit in dirty diapers for hours, and fed her in the laziest way possible so she wouldn’t have to sit and spoon feed her. yes, it is confusing, but maybe the other parent should’ve stepped up. her dad was also constantly in and out of the picture. when you’re going through mental health issues, as a parent, you need to get help. you chose to have a child, you chose to keep the child, you need to step up and get better for your child. not saying this is what op’s partner did, but it is what babygirl’s parents did. so as someone who has had experience in the role that it SEEMS op’s best friend has taken on, i don’t think op is the asshole.

I feel like so much is missing from this story... Like as a partner and a new parent, why would you avoid your partner and leave them alone when you suspect they have PPD/PPA? Why would you just pick up and leave and not even try to help them or get them help? And babies call everyone Mama/Dada at first. When my cousins (twins) were learning to talk I was babysitting them so my aunt could go back to work and they called me - a 16 year old at the time - Mama. Just cause I was there and they had no other words for it. This whole situation seems like OP and their wife are avoiding each other and the problem at hand and taking it out on something that'll likely pass when the child learns more words for the people in their life.

Idk why but the non gendered pronouns really threw me the fuck off, so difficult to understand

OP has a great friend which is wonderful, but OP’s friend is engaging in Auntie behaviour. I’d be calling them auntie to the child. Where did the child get the idea to call them mom/dad? Because kids learn what you tell them. If you say ‘we’re seeing auntie/grandma’ they will learn to call that person that. If you say mom/dad they will say this

I'm currently in a relationship with a couple who have a 2 year old. The 2 year has called me mama before (or just babbling) but I always gently correct her with a "no silly goose, I'm Ivy!" And she smiles, calls me "I-bee" and moves on. After 2 or 3 times, she doesn't do it anymore. It just takes a couple of reminders to fix that. Also, even though I don't have to, I still want to point out that I do NOT help parent their child. I watch her sometimes for them, but I do not parent. I am not her parent.

I feel conflicted about this first story. I am a woman, and gave birth to me and my husband's 2 children. I have also worked in the daycare industry for about 5 years. I feel like that gives me a little experience when it comes to children (especially baboes/toddlers). I had EXTREMELY bad PPD and PPA after my second baby was born. It was awful, I didn't feel "normal" for months, so I can understand how this might hurt, and what OP said was assholish. But, so so so many babies will call most people mom/dad when they're first starting to learn how to talk. My daughter, who just turned 2, calls my sister and mom momma, cause she doesn't know their names yet. She calls my brother either daa, or papa. 🤷‍♀️ I know everyone is different, but it really doesn't bother me at all, we gently correct her every time. Kids learn these things over time. Oh, and the daycare thing is relevant cause there were times I had 12 toddlers calling me mamma at once. Suffice it to say, I think ya'll might be being a little harsh on this one. It would be different if they were encouraging the child to call them mom/dad.

Toddlers often call everyone daddy/mommy. I have a cousin so still refers to his mom and all his aunts as Mommy [Name] because they all took care of him when he was little. Especially if the kid has speech delays because they may just not have other words yet for people who are important to them. All you have to do is keep referring to the person by their preferred title and the kids will pick it up pretty quickly. You don’t necessarily have to correct them. But this person definitely seems to be encouraging it to spite his partner, who very likely is struggling with PPD. In which case, you’re rationing your kid against them and that’s really unhealthy behavior.

Okay but in the story they never say OP encouraged the child to call the friend mom/dad... the child did that on their own. Meaning that if that person is so involved in this child's life, even more than their own mother/father/other parent, then maybe the problem is with the parent that is distancing themself from their own baby.

I absolutely love Alejandra she’s my favorite co host! And Lauren is so wholesome. I work overnights and literally binge watch your show and as soon as a new video or clip is out I’m on it!!! Thank you Morgan for this channel!

I think the thing that reframed this whole story for me was when the op said they were queer male but fell for woman, then I immediately thought ah the best friend is defo male too. I think there was an element of wanting to be with the best friend or a male. Rather than wanting to be with the female wife. The male op doesn’t seem to genuinely care about his wife’s mental well-being. The wife also marrying a queer male maybe was not expecting the nuclear family child so soon after getting married and maybe even subconsciously thought that it may not ever be as prevalent as it would be in a non queer partner.

the thing is though with babies/toddlers they sometimes call everyone mom and dad. when my nephew and his then wife had my niece, he was in the military and she was a nurse sometimes with very long or back to back schedules, so when my nephew was out to sea my brother would take my niece fri-sun and i’d take her sunday evening til tuesday morning, then her mom would have her wed-fri and we’d repeat this pattern til my nephew came back. in the beginning she called all of us women taking care of her mama and the men dada til she got a little older and could recognize me as auntie, my brother as grandpa, etc. the important thing is providing that child with adults who are showing her love and taking care of her needs. the mom should work on getting therapy and help to be a more stable parent for her child, rather than worrying about titles. the stress and distance of her mother may be what has cause this child’s speech to be delayed.

My aunt had two boys 3 & 4 whose speech was delayed as well and they would call every female momma and every male dadda. Even if they’d just met. Maybe it was made a bigger issue when the baby was just learning how to communicate. It wasn’t that they saw them as a dad.

Just throing it out there that you can be a kind hearted, caring and wonderful person and still have biases that are homophobic. It's a product of living in a very heteronormative culture. Instead of becoming defensive i think it's particularly important for white women, especially ones who are generally very self aware and do have such caring attitudes, to try and avoid the initial feelings of defensiveness we get when called out for making statements that might have problematic uncinscious bias attached to them, and instead sith with the discomfort and process where the statement or sentiment may be harmful to the members of the community we're speaking about.

You can intentionally not be homophobic and still say or do something that’s homophobic accidentally. So if those accusations are coming from people, especially the LGBTQ+ community, you should hear them out, not just get defensive like this.

I disagreed with all their opinions and even more so after hearing updates and even more so after figuring out their genders and that the child wasnt calling someone else mama. Im sooo confused why they even ungenered the post in the first point. Idk if i missed something at the begining where she said she was doing that(i very well may have as i was driving and listening), i just thought the people were non binary or didnt wanna say gender for some reason. But from the very begining it sounded like the mom didnt wanna be involved and even if she did have PPD she didnt get a diagnosis which means she isnt trying to get better. The kid is 3 yrs old! Thats a long ass time to not get help. And thats a long ass time to have a checked out partner and raise a child. Also it doesnt sound like teaching/incouraging the child to call someone else dada. Althought not correcting it i could understand being upset about. But still confused since its the mom getting mad. The child isnt calling someone else mama. But also if the child has a speech delay they may just not be able to have words the call the friend something different. Im guessing the moms pride is hurt that her child thinks of someone else as a parental figure even if it is another man and not a woman. Which again i can understand. But it sounds like shes been checked out for the kids whole life, what does she expect 🤷🏼‍♀️seems like this was one of those hard truths that led to a wake up call.

Holy shit the update. Your partner struggles with post partum for 3 YEARS, you don't get them ANY help, and you think it's mostly your partners fault for resentment building up? I can't imagine seeing my partner struggle for years and doing nothing. They both contributed to this situation becoming what it is, and in the meantime, found themselves an alternative household structure by playing house with their bestie.

As long as they all love the kid all three can be equal parents and there’s nothing wrong with that imo First the person would have to overcome their post partum I get what they meant about the negative energy Hope that person gets better so that they can all be parents more Love isn’t a bad thing

OP pretends like the child is calling the best friend mom/dad because the child THINKS that’s the mom/dad. No, this child is just learning to talk and OP is basically teaching the child that it’s right to call the best friend mom/dad, instead of correcting the child like “no honey, that’s not mom/dad that’s auntie/uncle”. This is on OP and instead of getting his partner help, because as OP realizes themselves, they might suffer from PPD, no they would rather punish their partner by playing “family” with the child and the best friend. This is just wrong.

I don't think Morgan's homophobic and I don't think what she said is homophobic, but even people who are accepting can be homophobic without realizing. I think it is important as allies to be open to listening and learning.

i think this was the wrong story for taking the gender out bc it got everyone confused, including comments. I'm personally NTA but this is coming from someone who heard the story ahead of time (but not the update). I think it's fine if they are the same gender (in this case OP and the friend were 'Dad') but not ok if the friend was the same gender as the spouse (the spouse would have to be okay with it) but that's just personal. Edit: Morgan, Ive been a fan for a long time and I dont think you said anything *wrong* it made me feel really uncomfy as a queer person to hear you going "I'm not homophobic" like that's your place to judge? I think a better way to phrase it would've been 'I try my best to not be homophobic and stay educated' but I know it didn't come from a harmful place. It's just like having someone who is not ace decide what is or is not acephobic or someone who is not bi deciding what is or is not biphobic. It also eliminates voices in said community who want their voices to be heard. Just thought I would tell you in case you got some backlash from the phrasing

I’m not a parent so my opinion doesn’t matter as much as others. I’m going to say no, he’s not the AH for THAT. I’m sure babies and very young kids call everyone / familiar people, “mama” or “dada.” But, they ARE the AH for noticing their partner has PPD and not doing anything about it. I’m gonna say everyone sucks.

In some aspects they are the asshole but not really for the dad/mom comment. The partner did that to themselves not being apart of the childs life after post birth recovery. I highly doubt there was any secrets where the OP was going. So if the wife cared then she wouldve been more inquisitive about where the OP was going with their new child. But she probably was shrugging it off not having the burden of parenthood. Can't reap the rewards from parenthood without the burden of it.

A child can have more than two parental figures making the best friend one doesn’t make the bio parent with post partum less than

I don’t consider anyone the asshole . As a partner Op should have a discussion with said kid to define who’s a parent but if things don’t change or become better with the mom then that’s a whole discussion on it’s own . By the way were they ever talking about being the provider for one of the reasons of the parent being distant because I got confused with their point ( I forgot her name the hosts )

There is sooooooo much wrong with this senario... 1. the child has speech/language delays and you are modelling and reinforcing incorrect labels that could do more damage to your child in the long-term both in regards to their communication development and emotionally. 2. What happens if the bio parent gets the support they clearly need and comes back into the child's life in a more functional way? How are you going to explain that to the child.... "Oh sorry dear, the person who you have been calling mum is actually not..... but here is your real mum." Respect your child enough so that they can make their own decisions regarding who they consider family at a more appropriate age.

Silver lining the baby will have loving parents

My stepdad adopted me at 9yo, along with my sister. My mom bought a beautiful wooden picture frame that folded. One side was a photo of us girls (3 in total bc mom & stepdad had a girl together), and the other side was engraved with a quote that says: "Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy." It is so true. Imo, op should focus on getting the other parent help for the suspected PPD, instead of playing house with their "bestie".

Thank you for mentioning the kids speech issues . everyone is wrapped up in the adult relationships and the first thing I thought was, why isn't this kid in speech therapy if they're only just now articulating da da da mama at 3?

You forgot the perspective of the child. They weren't 'given' the title, the child called them according to what they felt for them. It should have been addressed with the other parent and that was assholy for sure, but we can't forget that the title came from the child and represent their feeling so it should be respected, discussed and addressed.

They did not plan enough on whether or not to have kids in the first place. Or when. I don’t feel like this was grounds for divorce. I think they both suck at communicating. How do you not know your significant other is suffering???

If the mother of the child was going through postpartum depression then OP is definitely the A**hole He should’ve been understanding of the situation and should have been there for the mom and not just go off to some other person leaving their partner alone which could have worsen the depression.

Why people refuse to get help ? Or give help when they need it ? Reach out ! Say your feelings! Also babies will call mommy or daddy to the provider, if you feed them and take care of them they will call you like that, to them is not the same conception of what Mom and Dad means for a grown up, has a nanny and teacher I’ve been call mommy all the time! I do gently correct them tho. But because I care for this little ones and they know it. Also I think that Mom was hoping to one day connect with this baby.

I didn't start talking till I turned 4 years old

On today's episode of people who should not have carried a pregnancy to term...

20:31 if they didn’t have that instinct then why did they get upset at the friend being called mom or dad that doesn’t make sense

The dad and friend are sus AF! Emotional abuse twards mom and baby at its finest.

My son called my mum (his Oma) and my sister (his Aunty Mel) both "mum" as well as me. My best friend's nephew calls her, her mum and her sister Mama, he's also bilingual (Arabic / English). I don't think it's unacceptable in that situation. It's pretty common for babies/toddlers when they are learning to talk.

Weird ending lol

I'm a product of divorce, too. Mom remarried within a year or two, and I lived with them. My stepdad was kinda just there though, he was never really a parent to me. I've been living with my bio dad since late freshman year of high school. He started dating a woman that year, they ended up breaking up, but she lived only 2 blocks from us and the 3 of us, she, me, and her daughter, all got close. Finally she and my dad got back together a few months before my 19th birthday, they moved in right around my birthday, and then on my 20th, they got legally married. I say legally because we didn't have the family "official" wedding until May. I love her and her daughter, they're like my second mom and little sister. In a lot of ways, she's been more of a mom to me than my bio mom. I love her dearly but since I moved out, we haven't had a very consistent relationship and even when I lived with her there wasn't a lot there either. We never really bonded all that much. My 2nd mom was that for me. All that being said though, for me, it's easy for me to understand the 2 mom idea. It's somewhat similar to this kid's situation. The difference though is that I'm an adult. I met my 2nd mom when I was 16. This kid is 3. They don't understand all of this. OP is TA and the friend kinda is, too. Yes, it's an honor to be given the title of mom/dad but the difference is that this kid's actual parent is still in the picture. You can be in that kid's life but not having them call you that. OP should've talked to their partner about this and nipped it in the bud. This whole thing is just nuts honestly.

I wanna say no assholes. It sounds like that parent is overworked and loaded. Its hard being a parent and when you have to do it alone thats harder. The fact that they needed to go to someone else for help so they could sleep just shows that they didn't have any support whatsoever. Also assuming that this is America, they probably had to go back to work not long after. Its a lot and the fact that they had someone that could be in there corner is amazing. Postpartum depression is very serious and affects BOTH partners. Its hard to climb out and from what it sounds the other partner didnt get the support they needed and had to do it alone too. The friend isnt in the wrong so long as their intentions are to be supportive. I do not support calling the parent not being present or a bad parent for not being a parent but it became too much for the other partner. I feel like if the roles were woman being the only parent and the dad being depressed a lot of people would not blink an eye and support the mother 100%. Overall though they should get couples counseling and set clear boundaries

If the partner is involved at all, has visitation, whatever, then “yes.”

Wait what

Involve the other parent more and it’ll all work out better

What was up with all the they them it so confusing

If your child is preschool age you can check with your school district. Where I live they offer free testing for anything that could delay learning.

Depends if they are helping raise the kid then it’s kind of cute

I normally agree with you guys but wow couldn’t be more wrong on this one … none of you have children and it shows as someone who has children of their own and who has dated a single parent in the past … she had a 5 year old and a 3 year old the 5 year old called me uncle and the 3 year old called me dad … and no matter how many times we tried to talk with the children and correct them they are still young and didn’t understand … the uncle thing was really weird because her teachers thought I was related to the mom and did “sleepovers a lot” and mummy and uncle kiss a lot was really awkward but as for the Dad part “3 year old” I was honoured and a little guilty because even though he was not completely out of their lives the mother had told the bio dad he could see them whenever he wanted but didn’t see them for months even though they lived 7 minutes away but we still tried to correct them and they didn’t care they didn’t understand so they just kept saying it … I really hope when any of you 3 have kids if you have kids and if they call someone the wrong thing you don’t jump down their throats they don’t understand they are just kids … horrible takes guys hopefully but still love the show wishing everyone good health and a good day ❤

“ TOUCH SOME GRASS” lol

The partner is just clearly jealous, OP did nothing wrong. if she doesn’t want to be considered a bad parent maybe she should stop being a bad parent, then her kid won’t call other people mommy/daddy. I can’t fathom how you can possibly call OP the asshole when he’s just trying to care for the baby (he can’t do it alone) and it’s not like he encouraged the behaviour. the parent does sound uninvolved and uninterested, they don’t even want to breastfeed or be around their child…Morgan you can’t just diagnose people with zero information and this doesn’t even sound like ppd💀 and just because they’re livid doesn’t mean they actually want to be in their babies life it just means they’re jealous, y’all are BLIND to what’s going on and it’s so irritating. i’m glad a lot of the comments here are on the same page

I’ve missed a few episodes so I’m probably wrong but feels like it’s been ages since all three of them were in one video together The triforce has been assembled Since it’s usually three of them most of them time shouldn’t the channel be three hot takes