'AITA For Wanting Vegan Option At My Wedding' -- Reddit Story 

Dump him. If he can't respect her choices now. He won't respect her later. Pretty sure his Momma used this as a way to break them up.

Several issues in this story… the fiancé’s family doesn’t eat “vegan food”??? They never had a potato? A piece of broccoli? A banana? Seasoning??? The couple got to the point of a proposal but he doesn’t know what she eats? Why is HER and her family paying for the whole wedding? Then his mom had to nerve to claim her money as his? When he isn’t contributing. Her eating at her own wedding is a “weird hill to die on”??? The fiancé’s family is insane.

This isn’t about food, it’s about respect. I’m glad she called off the wedding.

I am the complete opposite of a vegan, but I just can’t understand not wanting vegan options at my wedding if my fiancé was a vegan. Soooo weird!

NTA!!! I’m getting married soon. I’m not vegan- neither is my fiancé. I grew up on a meat and dairy farm for half my life. BUT I have two guests- my brother and sister and law, who are vegan, and we will be having vegan mashed potatoes, cheese on the side from any veggies or side, their own entree choice AND all the dessert is vegan for all guests. I could not imagine being with someone who’d disrespect me like that.

He cancels the Vegan options, I cancel the Wedding 🤭

I'm very confused by the "not accommodating his family" part. It's not like people who eat meat CAN'T eat vegan options? There's also non-vegan options on the menu. So I don't understand at all what they're so offended by. ETA: "Wants to treat her family the same as his" "Doesn't want options they can't eat" this is such a joke. He wants to treat her family as lesser and won't accept anything else.

How is vegan food not real? It’s literally all real food, just the absence of some categories. I’ll never get over how some are so offended by those who don’t eat meat or any animal products.

So his “thoughts” and “input” are for her and her family (who are paying for this wedding) not to have anything to eat? WTF?! Insane. She and her family are supposed to go hungry? That’s what he and his family passionately want, to the point that he would go behind her back? Ummmm 🚩 🚩 RED FLAG!

I've heard this story before. Her family is vegan because of food allergies, Cron's disease, etc. It's not just a 'we don't like the meat industry' thing. Her family could end up in the hospital if they accidentally eat their allergen. But it's no problem to the groom's family if the bride and her side of the family are in the hospital because a bunch of relatives are ill. I'm glad she left him.

I can't even fathom this. My mom is having a bunch of friends over for Thanksgiving (people who live far from family) and a couple of them are vegetarian/vegan. I have been doing so much research to find good dishes to make so they have a variety of things to eat that aren't just sides, and I don't even know them. I can't fathom doing that to someone I personally know, it's so selfish.

This was a test. He was testing her to see what she would tolerate, it seems very deliberate to me. She said she’d noticed a pattern and he was dismissive of that because he’s likely steamrolled her before. Ending it was the right choice good for her!

So the supposed salad is a perfectly acceptable option but a good vegan option isn't? The vegan option is triggering but a salad that is usually associated with being "healthy" isn't triggering? Make it make sense! I think they're just bothered by vegans for no reason.

She should’ve taken off all the meat and made it only vegan, and when they say something about it, say meat options are more expensive so she’s just trying to save money

The first red flag would be that she’s paying for the wedding and they’re not helping at all with the cost lmao 😂

So glad she realized it before the marriage started.

What they are talking about at 07:30 is nice to hear as a vegan from non-vegans. I don't often say that I am vegan, but when it comes up, it is always the non-vegans that make it a big conversation and start to act defensive and ask weird questions to question my ethics/reasons and/or liability.

The moment my fiancée chooses to not stand up for me or defend me, he is no longer my fiancée.

If you look up "hypocrite" in the dictionary, there's a picture of that guy there.

That marriage would fail so fast.

I’m SO GLAD OP left this toxic relationship!!!!

So him and his family were planning on walking all over her for the rest of her life.

Hi, from Argentina! Well, there are plenty of vegetarians and vegans here! Of course most Argentinians still eat meat, many of them even 2x day, but also many (like myself) know about the environmental drawbacks of meat production and are cutting back on it (eating it like 2x week) but the vegetarian and vegan communities are growing 💗. I'm a new subscriber! Enjoying your content. :)

I have been a vegetarian my whole life and vegan for the last few years. I have never been one of ‘those’ vegetarians who tell others what they should eat and have never encountered another vegan who was like that. But people who go out of their way to say they are carnivores and love meat - can be too much at times. I have been to weddings and dinner parties where I had nothing to eat despite the host knowing I can’t eat meat (religious reasons). I have never made fuss. I know to eat at home before going to anyones dinner parties. I find it weird that comedians and lots of shows represent vegans as that crazy person.

I agree wholeheartedly. Him not respecting her choices is a red flag.

It makes sense to me to insist on including a meat option if the whole menu was vegan. It makes NO sense to insist on excluding the vegan options completely.

So his family can have delicious menu choices with things they like but her family is supposed to eat only salad? Break up

That his family feels and he said that to her, that's gaslighting

S1: NTA. It’s weird to me he’d cancel the vegan options when there are meat options but i also think they’re not compatible.

If at least part of her family is vegan because of health reasons what would happen if their children had them too? I bet grandma would stuff them full of meat first chance she got.

This whole thing confuses me. Where I'm from, you send out for people to RSVP and you ask them any dietary requirements. This may be vegetarian, vegan and/or allergies and you make sure that there are options for EVERYONE. You would do this for any type of meal including sit down, buffet, cocktail.

I’m not vegan for health reasons but I would never do this to my partner. For one day I could just deal, and it’s not even like the whole wedding is vegan 🤦🏽‍♀️ Edit to add this dude gives me the vibe that he would sneak her non-vegan food when married. I would not marry this man.

I assumed the op was the guy idk why This is one of the rare times I agree with the vegan I say rare cuz I rarely meet kind ones Such a groomasaurus Rex / G-Rex for short That’s not a thing but I’ll make it one

Is the cake vegan? How does he not know what she eats? I would call the whole thing off.

Wow, I’m so glad this girl has a good head on her shoulders. Her fiancé & his family sound extremely narcissistic. I’ve been through that abuse myself & it’s hard seeing it when you’re in it bc of all the gaslighting. I’m so happy she saw through this crazy sh*t that him & his mother were spouting off & ended it.

Transport of food is really bad for the environment. eat locally and seasonally

My sister is a vegan, she used to throw in my face how that particular animal i was eating had possibly died, and would tell me know horrible of a person I am. My personal experience with vegans/vegetarians has always been this way. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth

DIVORCE BABE💅

I love how the other side of the family went psycho. Didn’t even make it to the alter over food.

13:20 Vegan food is expensive?! Steak is expensive!! 🤷 No steak or seafood for his family. Only chicken options. To save money. "THEIR" money (I'm a vegan chef at a vegan restaurant on main street for the record)

I'm really glad she found out what kind of people this man and his family are before she married him. The situation is weird because it's been my experience that vegans are usually the unreasonable troublemakers. I've known many preachy, unpleasant vegans in my time. This guy and his family are unhinged! They object to having vegan selections at the wedding because they don't want to feel like they will be restricted from eating the vegan dishes. They wouldn't have been! They could have had as much of the vegan food as they wanted! While complaining that THEY don't want to be restricted from eating some of the food, they have no problem imposing that condition on the bride's vegan family members. What a bunch of greedy hypocrites! If they had just shut up and accepted the original menu they would have been surprised at how delicious the vegan food was. I've read plenty of stories on reddit about conflict over vegan food. I remember one particular story where the OP had to fight for vegan choices at a work event, and won the argument. The vegan dishes were ordered and the OP ended up being late to the event. By the time she arrived there was nothing for her to eat! The people who had fought against having vegan food had enjoyed it so much that they ate all of it, leaving only dishes with meat and animal products by the time OP got there. But at least the other vegans in the group had gotten their vegan food instead of having to pick at salad while the other guests enjoyed their non-vegan dishes. My sister is not technically a vegan but she has quite a few food restrictions. No dairy, no onions, no chocolate, no wheat. It's easier just to cook vegan and gluten free for her. I've learned how to make delicious vegan and GF dishes and desserts for her. I think people panic when they hear the word vegan because they assume that vegans only eat salad. That's the farthest thing from the truth! I don't mind cooking and eating vegan food, but I am really tired of vegans who take it upon themselves to judge me because I eat meat. The ones who do that give all vegans a bad reputation. Back to this situation, the bride dodged a bullet. She would have spent possibly the rest of her life fighting for her vegan lifestyle and being judged for it by his family. He would not have stuck up for her either. He proved that by his actions concerning the wedding food. What a jacka$$!

This guy is such a hypocrite. Saying his family will feel offended because food is a big deal to them and there's vegan food that they can't touch..? What the actual f.. so what, her family should compromise and only have little to eat because his family would be offended that they feel like they couldn't eat their vegan food?! As if they won't have enough options themselves? What would be stopping them from trying some if they provided plenty for the vegan guests? So confusing and a total load of BS.

Hi, Argentinean here, we do eat meat but it's currently very expensive here and not the best quality lately and the rest of the world gets the best meat we produce so... We have cows, but everyone else gets the meat.

My mom in her last few months of life had to go vegan and it was her only way to eat! Everybody else ate meat but she couldn't.

What is SHE supposed to eat at HER wedding? She's vegan too. Is the bride supposed to eat a side salad???

This would be a deal breaker for me. Not only did he not respect her diet and her families diet, he went behind her back and did what his mommy wanted. I would literally leave that day and never say anything to him ever again. If you’re going to listen to you mommy instead of me, I’ll pass

Speaking as an avid meat eater here, there's so much wrong here!!! Number one, how TF does he NOT know what his own fiancée likes to eat? This BIZARRE. Second, what is with the aggrieved entitlement of the anti-vegan crowd? Having both options is somehow oppressive? WTF? But the lack of respect, consideration, and honesty is just so bad. So many red flags at once!!!

My fiancé and I wanted to have a meat free wedding since we’re both vegetarian and have been for a long time. My mom said that that’s disrespectful and she won’t go if there’s not me. She’s lucky we changed to having a bigger wedding and needed a real venue. We’re still not serving beef and pork because we can’t morally pay for that. So chicken and fish is all they get 🤷🏻‍♀️

Repeat after me: 🎶we want prenup, we want prenup🎶

I like how she said "I don't understand why we need to be so involved in other people's business" whilst making podcasts based literally on being in everyone's business. 😂😂😂😂 Not hate, just funny.

I love how you guys talked about this. I was vegan for over a year because my body doesn't properly digest red meat and dairy products. During this time, I never put anyone down for eating animal products, but was constantly put down by others for my dietary choices. I wish people knew that not all vegans are like the infamous social media vegan teacher.

It is weird my family usually has non vegetarian but my uncle married a vegetarian who dont even drink alcohol which we usually have at weddings. So instead we did both veg( some can be considered vegan too) nd non veg proper food not salad and non alcoholic drinks thats how marriage works. That happened when only groom payed but he still choose to add his spouses favs let alone if she was paying. If you cant respect your spouse decision then it makes no sense to marry, its not just food its about he doesn't gives an f about her choice

When she said "4 to 5 vegan options" I thought of a main course, side dish and some vegan snacks like sandwiches without mayo/butter/meat/fish or like fruit/vegetables...

Yeeeaaaaaahhhhhh the way that mom would’ve made me cancel the wedding 😊

Imagine holidays with these two families. He doesn't respect her and her choices.

I love Lauren so effing much. Lauren!! You need a 30-year-old black paralegal friend in the army stationed in DC with three cats? Let’s go on a girl date. Hit me up girl.

I'm a carnivore...there is nothing wrong with having vegan options. If you don't like it, don't eat it. Who the hell cares? And how do you not know what Vegans eat if your fiancé is a damn Vegan???

I know some cultures don't have very good vegetarian/vegan options but come on. They eat more than just basic salads. I was on a Greece and Italy tour with a group from my high school my sophomore year and like throughout Greece especially, the vegetarian option would be this stuffed tomato with rice. It looked pretty good and all but this was a 10 day trip and at the very least it was likely to be on the menu at least once every other day. This is absolutely nuts. I'm not vegetarian/vegan but I don't mind anyone who is so long as they don't shove it down my throat. She wasn't negating his family. He was negating her and her family. Again, insane.

NTA, but I don’t understand OP. Why is she with him in the first place? I find it very hard to believe that this is the first time he has shown a lack of respect for her & her family’s dietary options. I’m 100% sure there were instances in the past that shown that he doesn’t respect her in the slightest. So why even proceed to marry someone like that?

I kept thinking of this one line from Hell's Belles for most of the sections involving the groom and his family: "Ma'am. Would you like to continue describing yourself or would you like me to get you a mirror?" Also, the only reason I can think of for why a non vegan "can't" eat the vegan options is something with me. I'm not vegan so I would feel uncomfortable with eating the vegan options, not because of any judgement or whatever, but because a) I'm a picky eater so I usually stick to dishes with stuff that I know I like, and b) I'm anxious by nature and one of the things I get anxious about is whether everyone gets something to eat. If I took some of the non vegan food and it ran out before all the vegans got something to eat, I would feel terrible and beat myself up over it. And even with that reasoning, that's not me saying that only the vegans can eat the vegan food, it's just I want to make sure they are actually able to eat the food made for or set aside for them.

Hello no

This family is the master of gaslighting. It’s all about them and they will control every situation. This will only get worse over time and after marriage.

The accomplice thing is so relatable. Omg I hate society and being a short, thick girl. Ugh.

I'm sorry, but people from California calling normal people weirdos is a bit too much for me.

Maybe they were scared of being fat shamed lol

I'm sorry but but after binging AITAs, I've decided...I will try my best to not think about marrying you, till I meet your parents😂😂😂 cause there's no way🤚🏽

"Kidney donated uncle"😂

Big brain is not new but I love it too lol

I want to just throw this out here as a narcissistic abuse survivor. Yes, this is very narcissistic! And usually, if a child is narcissistic, then there is a parent who is a narcissist. So it's not off base to assume that this mom is and the groom is (because he is backing the mom up) BUT when it comes to her showing up at his job I want to be very very clear this is COMMON in these relationships. It's called crazy making. He has probably done things like this in the past by undermining her diet restrictions. And and he has poked and poke to get reactions so many times that it has conditioned her to go to these extremes. So now he can say to her "Oh wow look at how crazy you are" this is text book prolonged gaslighting.

If you are a vegan, you wouldn't even be TA for expecting a vegan option at somebody else's wedding. But it was your own wedding and you aren't the only vegan in attendance!!! Absolutely insane to essentially not have food there for the bride to eat. Insane! NTA in a million years. He is too much of TA to get married to.

Tonight is the night people have a Christmas dinner where I'm from. We (just me and my non-vegan mum) had a vegan turkey fillet (amazing), a cranberry chestnut wreath (like a cross between a nut roast and the sausage in a sausage roll and as a person not into sausage rolls it was not for me) and potatoes, cranberry sauce, brussel sprouts, a sour cream chive dressing. Took 40 minutes to cook, just saying. I had a great day making Christmas dinner, most work was peeling potatoes. And we have leftovers for tomorrow. For dessert mint truffles, chocolate cake. Snacks - maple bacon flavoured pretzels shaped like stars. But sure. We just eat salads. (all this is vegan, I just don't want to keep saying vegan a, vegan b, vegan c) My mum is starting to like vegan meats more than meat meats. Because they're great. Especially chicken, there's this chicken fillet we have in UK, omg, I eat it every day if it's not sold out. Totally tastes like chicken, but perfect. Like. Imagine how the world's most amazing chicken would taste. Does real chicken always taste like that? I bet not. But that vegan chicken. Oh it does. I'm salivating. Vivera is the brand btw. Also, you do not need a different menu for stuff like mashed potatoes. They do make vegan milks. And vegan butters if that's what floats your boat (The Brits add butter to theirs too, but my Eastern European ass shudders at that). Just do the sides without animal stuff in it. And everyone can have the same potatoes. Besides, y'all always eat all the vegan stuff at buffets before we even get to them. We get to the buffet and there's only the meat stuff left and I have to eat just a banana. Sounds like a lot of people I've seen online who hate vegans because we make them reflect on their choices. Like. YOUR brain feels bad about your choices, dudes. She didn't do anything to provoke that. So what's up with that? My wedding will ONLY have vegan options, and that would be the case even if my partner wasn't vegan too. To me it's not health based, it's empathy based. There is no changing this brain. I'm not serving death on my wedding day. The good thing about the whole thing? Everyone can eat the vegan options. And I mean everyone, because I will make sure all allergies are taken into mind for all the food too. Anyone who made it a big deal would be asked not to come. No one we will invite would have an issue with it so it's not even something to worry about. P.S. I'm literally obese. To think vegan options are offensive is a them problem. Girl just dodged a whole rocket, let alone a bullet. Hypocrisy central. Gross.

I wanna know what her family does when he comes over, if they’ve accommodated him with meat options when he comes for dinner (surely he has been over for a night). And HIS family with hers, seems like it came up before based on OPs update

My cousin's wedding was pretty awesome. They had like stations of food where you were served. Asian fusion, Italian traditional, etc. You chose what food you wanted at each station, and a chef would plate it up for you. Kind of like at an outdoor market, but indoors and fancy and expensive 😅

This is so weird. Idk what is up with that guy and his family. When I’m out with my vegan friend , I let him choose where we eat bc he has food restrictions and I do not. I always ways say “I can find something to eat anywhere we go.” That being said , here OP isn’t insisting everyone eat vegan food at the wedding. She just wants herself and her family to be able to eat at the wedding, which isn’t an unreasonable ask .

You really have to wonder.. how bad these relationships get before people are willing to put their business (anon or not) on a public forum for advice.

A nail gun to the head? They use stun guns to the head, good lord Morgan. They render the animal unconscious before slaughtering. They don't use damn stun guns. Use your brain, ladies!

Not cool to go to someone's work, wait till the end of the day- I know it's hard but it's not cool to jeopardise someone's livelihood. However it hurts no one to feed your vegan bride and vegan in law family instead... like I'm no fan of vegan food but a huge portion of people in the family are. Feeding your guests is not a waste of money.

she should just show him this reddit post so he can see what the public thinks of his toxic behavior

promosm

The Vegan story is not adding up. I have a feeling we are not getting the whole story. I feel like OP story was too in the right… but their responses to her seemed to be off. Like how is she is not able to explain that there are meat options… like she did way too well with us. I think she might have pushed the “I’m paying for it around too much”. And that is what her fiancé was actually upset at. If you pay attention to the story. That is how I interpret when the mom says that OP won’t compromise. Yet her story to us sounds like she was extremely clear. I think at the end of the day, it’s best they don’t get married.

Kind of off subject but girl, the daiya substitute cheese is absolutely disgusting. The other night I made a grilled cheese with it and threw it away. I will never buy it again. I would rather buy cheddar because it is lactose free. My main reason for avoiding dairy is due to stomach issues. I do not know how that cheese brand seems to be so successful cuz they is nasty.

it’s literally her wedding, not his mom’s

GIIIRRRRLL. Don’t let it goooo. better yet - run! this is a glimpse into what your future life would look like. how they would treat you, your family and YOUR DECISIONS. his family seems selfish, disrespectful, sneaky and absolutely inconsiderate. also, very karen-like of them to get offended by a freaking menu?? and the fact that he avoided your calls is a huge red flag for communication.

Girl, run. This is absolutely ridiculous and will never change