All the lonely people | Karen Dolva | TEDxArendal 

The worst kind of loneliness is when your surrounded by people and yet cant talk or share what's really on our minds and feelings

"Getting out and meeting people" means being lonely in crowded places.

I don't remember where I've heard this, but it's true: "the worst thing about loneliness is that you get used to it".

Its sad the fact that the only people who can truly relate to you aren't your family, friends, but people on the internet going through the same struggles you are going through

People don't care when you're alone they care when they are alone

died at 18 buried at 65.

The worst type of loneliness is having "friends" but at the end of the day feeling like they wouldn't notice if you were gone. Like you don't really matter

She's talking with tears in her eyes and trembling hands, yet give such a great message to the world. Mad respect to her.

I can’t be the only one that spends my day job being incredibly nice to everyone, putting on a massive happiness front, then goes home every night to nothing and nobody? Netflix is my best friend these days 💀

Her solution to loneliness is to call a friend as she says in the end of her video. Some of us aren't even fortunate enough to have even that luxury.

Her eyes speak how painful it is to be lonely. A huge respect for her.

The type of loneliness that hurts me the most is when you finally open up to someone you care about and thought you could trust, and then they betray you. Because what is the point of sharing in order to not feel lonely, if it makes you end up in an even worst place?

the pain in her voice...

This woman sounds like she is about to burst out crying any second.

“You all have that friend...” actually no we don’t all have that friend.

but the bad part of loneliness is when i try to talk with strangers and they think i'm freak or intrusive😐

*Watches video to feel better* "You're going to get dementia and heart disease" nice

The thing SHE doesn't understand is that we can feel lonely even around people. Loneliness is not a lack of people around you. Loneliness is a lack of connection to someone OR something.

"There's nothing cool or brave or great about going through life alone."

This woman is visibly terrified, her voice is shaky, she's obviously way out of her comfort zone, yet she's still speaking. Her need to communicate a message she believes in, wins over her fear. Ladies and gentlemen, witness courage in action.

She looks nervous but I admire her courage to stand up in front of that large crown and speaking.

I believe loneliness is caused when there is a lack of vulnerability in friendships, they are only surface level and has no depth and true feelings and thoughts are not shared and known but instead shallow conversations and topics are entertained.

It is almost a crime to be lonely. Everyone pretends to be cool and have friends, because otherwise people will think that there are something wrong with you. There are way more lonely people than we can imagine.

I often think, why in this world with billions of people, we can't find one friend?

so much sadness in her eyes, so much stress in her voice.. i wish random hugs on the street were just as normal as taking pics of the food you're eating and sharing it on insta. i'm sending a hug to every person that is reading this, you are not alone

that moment when you are sitting by you'r self drinking coffee in a crowded place , watching couples walking by you is the the most loneliness moment ever .

Me reading the comments and finding all the friends I never had. Loneliness is a lack of connection and here is a place where we all connect with a common suffering across countries and cultures. Sending you all love. Even in the comments section of a RU-vid video can we find just a little more hope out there.

I think something that makes this even worse is that people who are more socially awkward, and therefore tend to avoid social interactions, will be more likely to be lonely. Then, if they try to connect to people, they feel awkward, and with the lack of practice, will seclude themselves again, and continue to silently suffer.

sometimes I feel selfish reaching out to people as if I am using them as a cure for my loneliness even though I do care about them.

Even RU-vid recommendation knows I'm lonely 😂

Sending out hugs to anyone that feels lonely right now . Remember , you aren't the only one going through this. And YOU WILL overcome this and find better days.

I dream every night of all the people I've met in my life and I wake up craving them so much that I'm physically in pain. How did I get so isolated

I hope that after this speech someone gave this girl a hug.

I told my mother jokingly one day that if i die nobody will know until the neighbour would complain of a foul smell coming from my apartment. we both laughed but deep inside i knew that that was the truth.

the pain in her voice is immense. she is hardly fighting her tears back. Loneliness is like living with a chronic debilitating disease and intolerable constant pain and darkness.

Lonliness hurts so damn much, I wish I can cry for no reason at all because I'm so damn hurt. Being alone amongst people and being misunderstood is the worst pain I've ever felt.

Anyone else feel like they've just got so used to being lonely that it feels normal now? Like waking up, going to work or school, coming home and seeing 0 messages on your phone, zero missed calls. No plans for the weekend or nights. No success with dating apps and other shallow programs claiming to "connect" individuals. Going out to a club only to just stand there awkwardly with a drink in your hand watching groups dance and thinking "how do they reach that point?" But strangely enough still feeling content with it. Because it makes every meaningful social interaction much more memorable and important. I think people take social attention for granted. Most people aren't interested in making friends unless it's somewhat beneficial to their reputation or provides. It's similar to what this woman said about technology. It benefits those who need it the least. And leaves the ones who actually need it most behind even further. Being lonely is so common because it's a status that severely impacts the ability to make connections. You can't connect the dots if you don't even have any.

I think the worst part is not being able to share with anyone around you how lonely and horrible you feel , even if its eating you alive.

Me reading all the comments thinking I'll never find someone who feels how painful my loneliness is and wanting to cry cuz i read your comments and thats exactly how i feel..maybe that's what they mean with " you are not alone" ..here's a big tight warm hug for you all.

I've been lonely for my entire life. Honestly, it never gets easier. Although, I would much rather be alone than be surrounded by people who make me feel lonely.

When you feel lonely, it becomes so uncomfortable to be around people. I have never been able to pick up the phone and call someone else when I want to talk or vent. I never had anyone to reach out to either when I attempted suicide. I am always the listener, available to those who aren’t to me. Yet if I try to talk, I feel too selfish to have someone listen to me that I just back away and hold my tongue back.

Her: Loneliness makes a 29% increase in heart disease and a 32% increase in having a stroke Me: good so I can die faster

It takes so much courage just to admit that "I'm lonely and I need help!".

The worst loneliness for me is the feeling that no one has ever fallen in love with you. I have been alone all my life and losing my mum recently has made it worse coming home to an empty house. I think this comes out in my own music sometimes.

What if there is no one to call? People always assume everybody has friends as if this is mandatory. There are no friends to call or talk to.

Legend has it, that audience is still raising their hand.

My mum had cancer for two years but couldn't get treatment because of Covid restrictions. My Mum's mind went with the isolation of not getting out to meet her friends. My Mum was my best friend and Hero and I loved her so much ❤. My Mum took her own life in January 2021 she was 74. The lonliness without her is horrendous, I moved back to my apartment. I find my lonliness has caused a lot of anxiety and depression and my blood pressure is through the roof. I set up meetup to try and meet people and get new friends. But I find in society now people just think of themselves and are not looking for friends but for intimacy from people. It's so hard to find genuine friends, I find every single person wants a partner and not a friend.

So sad to see such an attractive and intelligent young woman struggling with loneliness. Loneliness sucks :(

I've died many deaths because of loneliness, rejection and depression

This comment section breaks my heart... May all the lonely and kind people find happiness. Know that when you feel lonely, you're not the only one in the world feeling this way at this moment. Love you all

There's a difference between loneliness, and disconnection. You can be surrounded by people yet feel isolated and not belonging.

I'm fine with being alone but going alone in places where there's a big groups of people around you can be haunting.

"Call that one friend you know you have." Me: .... 😥 That was a big assumption.

I love when she says "just be bored together"

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone." - Robin Williams

I started growing plants to cure my loneliness.. what Ive learned was to properly care for the plants and started caring myself.. started cooking and eating healthier again..

RU-vid said and I quote "people like you watched this"... Even RU-vid knows I'm lonely.

When she mentioned dementia, it reminded me of my mom’s who’s was lonely trying to raise me. 😢

If a woman this attractive is that lonely, then I am screwed.

I spent 15 years of depression but now im over.... i dont care anymore. No sadness and no happiness. Just empty.

I'm kind, witty, interested in people and good company, so I'm constantly told. Yet no one calls and I'm always alone. Why? Because *THEY* are *NOT lonely* so they don't need to call anyone. That's all. If someone has a partner and kids, they are busy. If they split up, they'll call you. This is the good news: it's not about YOU. But that's also the problem: _sometimes it needs to be about YOU_

The worst kind of loneliness is the fact of being somewhere and feel uninvited , excluded and have nowhere to go

We are all scared of sharing our real feelings with others because we fear that others will betray us because we have been betrayed our whole life.

Having a pet helps remove the loneliness. You also meet more people by walking around with your dog.

I'm 32. I've felt lonely my entire life. It started sometimes after elementary school. Ever since then I've never had any friends. Never understood why up to this day. Always felt like something was wrong with me but could never figure out what. It's very frustrating each and every day especially on days where you are really trying to feel connected to other people and them to you but for some reason you can't. It leaves you thinking "Why don't people like me?" every day but too scared to vocalize it for fear of sounding insecure and juvenile. It hurts the more you get older.

Her voice already sounds so sad, I think she has internalized those loneliness into her personality, like many of us 😭😭😭😭

I’ve been married for 31 years. I’ve been lonely for at least the last 15 years.

She said lonliness has become a pandemic, she predicted 2020

who else is facing depression because of loneliness?? 😃😃😃

"Loneliness is a barrier that prevents one from uniting with the inner self." - Carl Rogers

Saddest part of being lonely or loneliness is, you can't share or talk with anybody all those beautiful thing, your happiest moment in life, your saddest moment and knowing that if you are gone, no one will miss you and being completely alienated by society.

I want to give her a hug

She is great...She took the stage to speak her heart out...I respect her courage !

What a brilliant, sensitive, beautiful woman.

She is so brave. I can't thank her enough.

I was crying by the end of that. I'm sure my depression is from loneliness. I've been lonely for a very long time now.

I'm so lonely it's starting to scare me. My depression has now caused me daily, severe chronic pain. I'm in pain constantly, I have no shoulder to cry on, I've never been loved, been single my entire life and I'm scared Ill die this way. I feel the effects of lonliness on my body, reducing my life span more and more. I just want someone to love. I'm terrified. edit: thank you for all the support! I'm now in my first relationship at age 23 and still can't believe it. Im happy and finally have support but still scared of what will happen if I lose him. Im soo thankful. I still deal with depression and severe chronic pain but my life has changed for the better with love in it. He was truly worth the wait. If I found love, you all will too!

I know it. I just feel so helpless. I feel like I need someone to help me or encourage me which ironically won't happen when I'm alone.

that's so true, I've never felt so alone.

I'm lonely and have no friends. I guess you are all in the same boat too, since you're watching this? Lol. edit: well, you can all be my friend. :)

I am reminded of when my wife was diagnosed with cancer. Family and friends all said "We will be there for you!" and then disappeared.

46 yrs old here. Been lonely my entire life. No relationships. No marriage. Major depressive disorder, chronic severe anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and agoraphobia. Dimensia is all but inevitable. 👍🏻

This made me cry. Just the way she was talking, like she was on the verge of tears and talking about loneliness in a real way. Believe me, I know. It's the most painful thing there is. I was diagnosed with cancer last year and it's worse than that. It's worse than death. It cuts you right to your core and brings you to your knees. And no one wants to talk about it or admit they are lonely. I'm not sure everyone has a friend that they can call, and I also don't necessarily agree that technology is that helpful. I think technology can make it worse because it's like when you are starving eating a candy bar instead of a good meal. I think another thing that people could and should do is REACH OUT to those who are alone. If you know someone lives alone on in your neighborhood and you don't see them having any or very few visitors, stop by. Bring them some nice baking. Invite them over for coffee. Offer to mow their lawn. Smile at them and say hi when you see them outside. Let them know you are available if they need a ride to the doctor or shopping. Stuff like that is life saving to lonely people. It's hard to reach out when you are the lonely one because, she's right, you are so depressed and screwed over by it that it's too much for you to do and to risk another rejection when you are feeling so bad isn't worth it. I honestly don't expect to survive much longer. I'm only in my 50's. But in addition to the cancer, I can feel how toxic the loneliness is to me, to my body, mind, spirit. When I see people walking together or in family groups, it just makes me feel worse. I feel like an outcast, like a freak, a reject. So I would say, take it to the very local level. Look around your neighborhood. If you see someone living alone, esp. if they seem withdrawn or aren't coming out of their house much, go ahead and reach out to them. About a week ago, the neighbor across the street came over and brought me a little bag of candy for Thanksgiving. We talked for a couple minutes at the door. It really made me feel better. And I used to have another neighbor who said hi to me every time he saw me. That was good too. It's just nice to know there are people around who SEE you and are there to help even if it is just for an emergency or to help you with your yardwork or something. Anyway, I guess that's it. It's so sad. Being alone is so sad and so painful and so shameful. No one should have to go through that. If anyone read this whole thing, thanks. Take care people and take care of each other.

"Im always here for you" "U shoyld seek proffesional help" These are words that people say before they leave you

The most human TEDx Talk that I never had seen before. I thought every TEDx speaker was like a super human without fears, until I watched this video, literally I saw her sweating; she was uncomfortable at that moment, however she was willing to overcome her fear. This is an amazing video, I felt identified some time ago with her words. Thanks Karen Dolva.

someone said that it is much worse when you start getting addicted to being by yourself. I've felt that. It was a period of time when i didnt have time at all to go outside cuz i had so much studying to do and it started getting addicted. When I could go outside I wasn't in the mood at all, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I wanted to sit home by myself with no one to care about me but it did hurt and I am still feeling this from time to time. Being single actually has a massive impact especially when you cant be with the one you love and the only thing you can think about is them but not with you. It hurts but we just have to go on with our lives and push ourselves out of our comfort zone,the right people and person will eventually come but only if we do our part as well

She was INCREDIBLY brave talking about this. Much respect

Lonliness is a paradox. The more lonely you feel the more detached you become. The more detached the more distant you make yourself. This grows until they can talk to you and you cant even listen. Your mind is preoccupied by itself and your so used to being alone you crave it. Your friends grow further and you grow less dependent on them. And then you wake up one morning and everyone is gone and you built the wall keeping them away. Its can happen to everybody. Social isolation is a killer. Once you get to far away it's very hard to come back.

I manage my lonliness with meditation, healthy diet and exercise. I really don't know what else I can do. The only real cure for lonliness is other people. And that's completely out of my control But I still have control of my mind. If nothing else

I rarely feel lonely. I try more to get people to leave me alone. It's a balance. I'm an introvert who gets lonely sometimes. The big secret to getting people to seek you out for attention is to show you are interested, care and want to help. I got there because I cared. When you really care about certain people or even random people, you will have a hard time having alone time. Those people will seek you out. Keep doing this and see what I mean. It's overwhelming.

Loneliness happens in all ages. I am 48 and I've never felt lonelier in my entire life. My mother passed a month ago and she was the last person I could always call and talk to. People mostly hurt me in life, and I just had enough. I don't want to be hurt anymore, that is why I am alone.

Loneliness has been killing me for several years. I feel it. I know it.

My dad recently suffered from a stroke and as a result, he's been diagnosed with dementia. I believe that it was a result of loneliness. Mind you, he's only 66. I think it goes to show how much of an effect loneliness has on people. My mom has bipolar disorder. When I was around ten, my dad decided to bring me with him since my mom was having so many panic attacks. I'm 25 now. My mom's been doing well ever since but I feel so terrible about what's been happening to my dad. What really bothers me is that he's the friendliest guy you'll ever meet. He always tried to help the elderly and treat people how he'd like to be treated yet was still cursed by this horrid disease. As a result, I've been feeling quite lonely myself being a caregiver for my dad. Life just seems so difficult for me at this point but I'll try my best to keep moving forward.

To everyone feeling lonely: I wish you all the best, take care of yourself 🙏💫. You might listen to positive affirmations and try new things, even small ones like a walk, until things get better. Corona made it harder, but you'll find a way. You matter.

She sounds like she's on the verge of tears the whole time. I just want to give her a hug and be bored together ;)

I feel more lonely when there r people around than when im alone

I can feel how stressed she is..but she stood up there in front of everyone and the lights..thank you so much karen

“Be lonely together” that was so cute ❤

Loneliness to me wasn’t being alone, it was a feeling of nobody understanding how you feel I’m around people all the time and that’s when I feel the loneliest, because I don’t think any of them could comprehend how I feel But loneliness can be subjective, it affects us in ways that people can’t understand

I like being lonely but sometimes I want someone to be lonely with me...