Am I An Idiot For Staying With My Addicted/Alcoholic Spouse? 

It's likely his children are learning a lifetime lesson of their own-what not to do. Pain now, will turn to profit. later.

Girl, I'm going through the same thing. I literally have a post-it note on my desk that says "free yourself of the weight." Can't wait until I actually feel that way--I'm still just heartbroken.

Run far far away !!!

You did the right thing.

@@Hello-mh4pj thanks. She can continue to wash down her benzodiazepines with scotch, but I won’t be there to watch….or worry. 😎

@@D6EH Good job brother. You can't fix anyone. Just share your wholeness with someone whole.

After giving her multiple chances, it's time to move on. Cut your losses much like you would a bad financial investment.

​@@D6EHI need to match this energy. I've done what I can. I don't want to watch him die and ruin my life in the process.

he is addicted. do not take the porn personally

Many addicts have narcissistic personality disorder, that's true.

​@@Michelle-mu2ux Respectfully, that's very hard when it destabilizes all forms of trust you ever had in this person. It IS personal. And when they see their pain and still don't choose recovery, that's a choice.

one day at a time...its not personal

Sounds so familiar to what I’m going through. Makes me just dissociate sometimes.

I feel this

Make him choose between you and the alcohol.... Hopefully he will see the errors of his ways and how his drinking is impacting you.

Love them afar

how did you choose to do the journey? if you don't mind me asking... did she threaten to leave? or had you had a bottom of your own. I'm the girlfriend of an alcoholic, I can tell he wants to get married and I'm terrified to move forward. He's not in any denial, but he also doesn't have any motive to quit, as it's not affecting his life in any negative way. He has a home, secure work, transportation but I can tell a lot of sadness or anger towards himself and his pride is thick. He treats me with reverence! I've never been treated so well in my entire life by anyone and I'm so confused how to walk Away. I'm a previous active addict but not with alcohol. My drug use was a lot harder to maintain and had severe consequences, I sponsor as well... so for the first time, I'm baffled how I got into this circumstance. I don't know if I'm being love bombed, if I'm insecure or just used to being the child of an alcoholic- my father. He says the same to me that you said here... that I'm the light in his life and how I helped him from not going off the deep end when he lost his mother recently... I don't even know how to take that anyways, anything you feel comfortable in sharing, I appreciate hearing your point of view, just for my own understanding and peace thank you 🙏🏽 God bless your recovery and I wish you the best

​@@d1v1n1ti Hello there, thank you so much for sharing I can absolutely relate to so much of what you have shared. Except, in my case I'm the alcoholic. First off, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and it's not fair to you and it's not your fault. Your boyfriend sounds a lot like me. We often think we don't have a serious problem. Like your boyfriend, I have a full-time career, a home, an income, all my bills are paid; so what's the problem? Why change? That's how I was for a long time. On the surface, I didn't see the problem. Somebody with a problem drinks out of a paper bag and sleeps under a bridge, right? That wasn't me. Well, it turns out just because that wasn't me, didn't mean I didn't have a serious problem. I was a high functioning alcoholic. I knew my drinking was abnormal and off the hinges, But I was in denial. I didn't want to admit I had a problem, mainly because I didn't want to stop drinking! When I finally came around and admitted it to myself, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders; in that brief moment, I felt spiritual freedom. It was my higher power showing me through a direct spiritual experience just how enslaved I was to alcohol for so long and didn't even know it. I was also finally getting honest with myself, because I was a liar. As an alcoholic I was a liar and I was lying to myself the most. Alcoholism is a cunning, sneaky and progressive disease and it never gets better if left untreated, it will only get worse.. An active alcoholic won't see how drinking is subtly ruining their lives. That's why often times it takes an intervention. It sounds like your boyfriend has at least recognized step 1, which is admitting he has a problem and I'm sure he's an amazing guy! Alcohol doesn't discriminate, It'll take anyone. NOW to answer your question (I'll try not to write a novel) Enough was becoming enough. I may have been paying the bills and working a full-time job, but I was miserable! I was depressed, bipolar, irritable, excessively angry. I was never a mean drunk but I was a bad drunk. I was nasty, and it was getting worse. My wife can tell you I'm the sweetest guy, but alcohol brought out the worst in me as it does for anyone honestly. Worst of all I was a liar when I was drinking. My mental health was deteriorating and I just couldn't pin point what my problem was. In fact, the solution to these problems at the time was to keep drinking. So I was using the very problem to self-medicate the problem. That's the cycle of insanity for an alcoholic. I could always stop drinking but I could never stay stopped, So I didn't know how much better I would feel, sober. Alcohol can affect your mind and body for up to eight days -- back then if you told me to go a week without drinking I'd laugh in your face. Not possible.. Well, today I can say it absolutely is! When I finally got sober my depression went away, my health problems went away, my mental health normalized and I discovered I was never depressed, I was never crazy, I was never any of that.. In fact, in sobriety I found God, I found an authentic sense of joy and inner peace and enthusiasm for my life! I found actual happiness and contentment. These were all things that alcohol was robbing me of for so long. Alcohol is a thief and it wants to rob you of all these things. As a functioning alcoholic I never saw how much it actually was destroying my life, underneath the surface. EVEN WORSE, I never saw how much I was hurting other people like my wife and my family and those around me. So my wife at the time gave me an ultimatum, either I get some help, or she was done. It was a scare tactic. Would she have absolutely left? I was not going to risk finding out. In that moment, I knew what I needed to do. I was heart broken at first and wallowing in my own self-pity with another drink in my hand, but I needed to man up and change. She was firm but she also came from a place of love. Like they say in AA, I had to play the tape. What will my life look like 5-10 years from now if i don't get some help? Divorced, alcoholic, losing my career, depression etc etc. It was just time to change. I knew if I kept drinking it was only going to get worse. So we decided I should go to rehab and I went to a 30 day rehab and that's really when my recovery started. Now I continue my recovery and I go to meetings, almost every day. There's a cure for alcoholism but it only works one day at a time! So I keep going to meetings because I know the lies will return and that cunning little voice in my head will try to talk me into drinking again if i wither away from the program. Meetings keep my head straight. It sounds like your boyfriend has accepted step 1 at least and admitted he has a problem, that's a huge start, but it sounds like he needs to realize how serious it is and that it actually is affecting his life in a negative way. On the surface he has a job, right? He's a functional alcoholic? But you're considering walking away because of his alcoholism and it's hurting you. So there is a relationship struggle, So that right there shows that his drinking is affecting his life and yours in a very negative way. You said he lost his mother recently, that's awful and I'm so sorry. It sounds like he's in pain and he's suffering and he cant manage the emotions, so he's turning to the bottle to cope. Alcohol is affecting his life a lot more than he can see right now and I hope I'm shedding some light here. I'm not a professional interventionist, I just know what worked for me and he needs to know how badly he's hurting you and the relationship with his drinking. The hardest part however is you cant force an alcoholic to change, they have to want it. If you love him show him how much his drinking is hurting you, if he loves you, hopefully he will see that it's time to change. Hope this was at least a tad helpful. Praying for both of you! Overcoming alcoholism is never easy but your boyfriend has a life of joy, happiness and abundance just waiting for him on the other side, if he can get the help he needs to put the bottle down. See if he'll consider an open AA meeting just to see what it's like, meet some sober people and hear some stories just like this! It's very therapeutic also and there's no judgement. Quitting drinking was the best decision I ever made and I hope the same for your boyfriend! God bless you both.

@@brendangallagher5336since I went through my own recovery 9 years ago, I know where to find local meetings. I don't think he's ready for that step yet ... he works construction, which makes things a little harder in the changing department (not impossible but more challenging) he has to wait for an opportunity to take time off for a rehab... and that's where he shuts the idea of quitting off ... then he goes back to "I'm just gonna cut back"... as a sponsor, words are cheap, and as a recovered addict myself, even more cheap and I let him know. From a place of love. I work in healthcare, we are both older ish late30 and early 40's. I quit smoking cigarettes when i got off the street as a junky. oddly I don't relate as well to alcoholism as I never struggled with it and it seems way harder to stop almost but I've been to a ton of AA and had a couple AA sponsors so I'm familiar there. I won't push him, when he's ready, I can sense he will do what he has to do. He seems to have his head on like you say, functional paying bills - but still in that cycle. I'm just grateful we aren't in Denial so from here, pray that he gets the courage to jump 🙏🏽 see the other side

@@brendangallagher5336 thank you for the time you took to share with me 🙏🏽

I was completely like you. I was in a complete denial. I never admitted that I was an Alcohol-dependent. I have a nice job. I drank whiskey nearly daily for 22 years. But, I only drank whiskey at home, after work. My wife was of no help to me. She was telling all her friends that I was alcoholic. Any time there was a quarrel between us, even if she was clearly wrong, she would blame alcohol for it. One day, on the way to the supermarket, I was controlled by the police. My driving license was taken away from me for six months. Good news. Now, there was a very good reason to stop drinking alcohol. I personally told the authority that I would extend the six months by six months. So, I stopped drinking alcohol for 12 months. After that, I underwent a medical / psychological exams. I passed. I got back my driving license. Now, it is 18 months since I stopped drinking alcohol. Nothing will make me go back to it. I feel better and sleep better than the time I was drinking alcohol. I no more hear the still small voice asking me to drink alcohol. I have defeated alcohol. Nevertheless, I still attend AA meetings. I feel happy, too, because whenever there is a misunderstanding between me and my wife, she will never say, again, that my reaction is because I am drunk. By my calculation, I spent about 2000 Dollars per year in drinking whiskey.

thank you for sharing this 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Good decision ❤

Makes total sense. Not all alcoholics / addicts are the same

Makes sense.

He's about to learn another lesson. Let him learn. Mouth-shutting is hard to learn, but do it, anyway, otherwise, you merely prolong the process, in my opinion.

Its hard wjen in it . ​@@marydonald3453

Sometimes choices are initally so sad, because you are admitting being defeated in your first goal. Time to play a different game, where there might be a better outcome?

Please don't

Wow at this time my bf was starting to relapse behind my back. She sounds awful just from an outside perspective. His parents also drank too much and now he has issues because of it. I commend you for not just following in their footsteps. You’re stronger than you think.

That's the one addiction, we're okay with! 😜😜😜😜😜😜

You're right, it's not fair. However, you shouldn't keep yourself in a bad situation because it's not fair. You've got to do what's best.

Because you can only control your own actions. It's not always fair but it is what it is.

It's such a complex thing to deal with.

Leave him knowing he’s an alcoholic. You come first

Even if someone tells you they have a problem, it's hard to fathom just how big the issue can/will become. So sorry you're going through this Kryssie.

Thank you! 👍

Hi Douglas, I know people say, "You can't save someone," but I do believe there are ways to influence someone. I have a playlist on this channel specifically about Denial, that might help with this. You can find it by going to our main channel page, and looking at playlist. We also have an online program that teaches families the step-by-step process of getting a person out of denial and into recovery. It's called the Invisible Intervention. here's a link to learn more about that. www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/invisible-intervention

Oops! 😬

You deserve better

How much is enough? Ask yourself that. Do you have kids? Are you being blamed for making him so stressed out he picks a drink up? Are you fighting even if he isn't drinking? My husband went from alcoholic to sober. Now the last two years a drug addict. I recently left with my kids. I love him so much. He says we were supposed to be " through sickness and health" but the kids saw daddy acting different. He can't hold a job. Blames me for stressing him out. Lies, steals. I don't recognize this man I have devoted 16 yrs to. I will not lie to you a part of me wants to run back to him. Hug him tell him I'm sorry when I didn't choose drugs over us. He did. It's scary and sad. I cry most of the day. So again, how much is enough? What are you worth to you? Is he willing to seek help or at least try to work with you to have a healthier relationship?

I hope you didn’t marry

An alcoholic will destroy your life, your health and sanity and you want to marry one? Get out from that relationship ASAP.

You are so welcome!

Smart thinking!