Am I Autistic? (Or is it trauma? BPD?) 

A lot of conditions have a huge amount of overlap. Sensory overload and difficulty reading people can come from trauma, but also can be a symptom of autism. I am of the opinion that the most important thing about a diagnosis is how it helps you find a path forward in life - whether that is finding the best course of treatment or finding ways to participate in the world that are most okay for yourself and enable you to be participate. Maybe it's autism or maybe it's trauma. I've found it helpful to look into coping skills used to help with the same challenges as they could be addressed were they from any multiple sources/diagnosis and focus on finding the best way forward wherever those skills come from. For those of us who qualify for multiple diagnoses, or who find the diagnoses stacking up, I think it can be worth remembering that a diagnosis is just a label to describe a certain group of symptoms as they are best bundled together and understood at this point of history. Of course there will be overlap and uncertainty. I've found it most helpful to focus on how can I as a person overcome/address/work with this particular difficulty. I draw resources from multiple people with different conditions with the same "symptom" and find the best coping mechanism (or combination thereof) that works for me. I only really use my diagnoses when communicating with someone else and wanting to help them understand my experience in a short and easy way.

I also watched the Christine McGuiness documentary, it was so interesting and insightful. There are a lot of women who are realising later in life that they may be autistic, so if you relate to things from the documentary it's worth looking into autism a bit more.

From what you're describing it definitely sounds like autism. Sensory issues, needing a schedule, etc. Def do a lot of your own research but its definitely worth looking into. A lot of people with autism get misdiagnosed with other issues bc lots of doctors dont even consider autism in women or are reluctant to give diagnosis for autism bc of the stigma even within the medical community. But there's nothing wrong with it. And autism isn't just as they show on tv or movies. We're all different and express things differently. Its a spectrum for a reason. Sending you good vibes. Hope you are well!

I've always felt different and also think I'm autistic. The only diagnosis I have is depression. I was bullied at school for being different, "living in my own world", I was seen as a shy kid with good grades, awkward at conversations. I still don't know what to say in some situations and I know most people wouldn't have that problem, they just know, it's easy for them. It's very stressful at work because of that, talking to clients, especially when they're angry and I just go quiet and don't know what I should say and say something awkward. I also avoid eye contact, often don't even look at the person I'm talking to. I'd say I've had obsessions in life, my whole childhood was Harry Potter. I can be kinda childish, I feel the need to slightly "dance" when I'm walking, that feels comfortable to me, normal walking is too boring, and I really love moving to the music in my earphones. I'm also very clumsy. I'm very sensitive to smells and noises. I can't stand being near a smoking person. Loud talking is painful to me, I can feel pain in my chest, I used to go to the toilet because my ex coworker sometimes talked so loud I felt like I was going to explode or something, I was so tense inside. I get panicky in crowded places, I run away from children crying loudly. I'm not sure if I should tell my psychiatrist what I suspect. I'm afraid of being criticized for that, because I think to a lot of people I might seem slightly weird but I don't fit the stereotype that people have. I went to high school with a girl who was diagnosed, it was much more obvious on her, her looks, her voice, what she ate... Also I don't know if there's a place for adult autism diagosis in my town 🙃 I read a lot of posts by autistic people, they're definitely happy they got their diagnosis. They have an explanation for everything in their life, and they have evidence, so they can tell their family that's who they are, that's why they have some special needs that the family must accept. Without the diagnosis people won't believe you (except maybe autistic people who will notice you're a bit like them).

As an autistic person with trauma (though not from abuse) I think this is such an interesting and incredibly complicated topic. So many of my "autistic traits" were intensified at times of high trauma, but although neurotypical people also have coping mechanisms (of course) the way mine presented (e.g rigidity in routine, obsessive behaviours/thought patterns, unusual physical behavior like not talking/moving/eating etc in a typical way) aligned more with the symptoms of autism. I think something they look for in diagnosis is very early baby/childhood behavior - which is often before trauma occurs and so can be helpful at separating what is inherent to you and what is a coping device. Of course, this relies on the testimony of other people, so it can even MORE complicated if the trauma you have suffered involves a primary care giver. Sorry this is long, but I hope you are able to discover what feels like the truest label for you ❤️

Hey there, Claudia! I am very sure all of these can coexist in people. A friend of mine, who has both CPTSD and BPD as their diagnoses, is now going through the process of answering questions concerning potentially being on the Autism spectrum at a clinic. Please keep in mind that I am not a professional, but I think your experiences in life are valid. 💜 In fact, I believe if it helps you better understand yourself, the way you think, etc., please consider getting this sorted out. If it, instead, were disruptive and scary to you, maybe don't, or don't just yet. But I do think being on the spectrum is nothing to be ashamed of, tbh.

So great listening to u Ms. Claudia. U are now like a Squaddy Family. I am diagnosed with bad Palsy Syndrome on the right side of my face and now I am hiding behind my face mask.

Hello Claudia, I started watching your videos a few years ago when I was diagnosed with BPD. I share the same pattern of issues as you had, like trauma and obsessions, difficulty in socialization, fixation in certain things, topics or even people... and because the BPD has a setting of symptoms that I don't quite identify with, I very recently met a new psychologist that quickly diagnosed me with ASD. On my long journey of appointments with psychologists, psychiatrists and even some neurologists, trying to find out what was wrong with me, I never felt so understood as I feel now that I have my ultimate diagnosis. So yes, is very possible that you might have it too. Once you start learning about it, you'll feel compassionate about yourself, and things will be less scary than before, because you accept yourself as who you are. ❤

I don't have a trauma background, but as an autistic person a lot of what you talked about sounds very like autism. From what I've heard, those with CPTSD can present a lot of autism-like symptoms, so I'm definitely not in a place to say whether it's just trauma or whether there's a combination going on, but it sounds to me like it's worth looking into a bit more! On the benefits of having an autism diagnosis, I've found it's been really helpful in understanding myself and in asking for help or explaining why I need certain things. If self diagnosis, or just an acknowledgement of your autism-like symptoms, would be enough for you, then maybe you don't need to go down the diagnosis path, but it has been hugely helpful for me!

Ms. Claudia u go right ahead and make yourself comfortable. Your Brains and Beauty is enough for us. Bless u.

Last year I was diagnosed with ADHD. In May I will undergo a neurological assessment to see if I am on the spectrum. I'm fifty-eight. It's never too late. It's never too early.

Well , from what I’ve read, ADHD is part of the autism spectrum. I am diagnosed BPD but the Drs completely ignored my trauma history and adding on Histrionic… I was the black sheep of the family but stayed quiet and out of sight as a survival mechanism. So I was not doing anything for attention, I just wanted the trauma to end . I even kept my self harming a secret from everyone. I feel we can be on the autism spectrum before the trauma . Some people have said to me that I am transgender because of the trauma I experienced as a child. NO !!! I was abused for exhibiting my identity as female since age 5 . Way before any SA . Anyways… thank you for sharing 😊 Angel hugs and blessings to you and yours and all 🕊💜💜💜🕊

I need to watch this documentary for sure. The thing is a lot of these conditions overlap so much as well as the idea that things like the gender bias in the diagnosis which may point to issues as well. I had an ADHD diagnosis at I think 24 (part few years) and still the consensus is that I'm autistic, but i've also faced trauma and abuse my whole life and had obsessions, but also avoid things like listening to music or finding it because it's so overwhelming to me as well as diagnosed social phobia and fear of leaving the house. Also have depression and anxiety which make the whole "finding yourself" thing so hard, especially to separate what might be trauma from other conditions, while the practicalities of finding things that bring you joy so so tiring. I also have a strong sense of taste and smell which it took me a bit to realise wasn't me being weird. It was through one of those science of food-type programs that I found out that they add cheese flavour to strawberry sweets to make them sharp tasting and as a kid I bought some of these flip lollies and gave them to my family and they couldn't taste it at all. I don't know if you have seen Maisie Williams' interview on Diary of a CEO, but that questioning if this idea if the "true you" is you as a child, can it be damaged so much it's not there also really stuck with me. Similarly Blindboys episode on his autism diagnosis and being overwhelmed with school.

Anything that can help you discover and understand yourself more is worth it so I think seeking out a diagnosis could be beneficial 😊 I also relate so much when you said that because of trauma you didn't know who your real self could be. People tell us that our trauma responses are based off responses that formed when we were kids and because we're not kids anymore we have the wisdom to not let it affect us but it's such a difficult task to unlearn patterns that your brain learned at its youngest and most vulnerable state. It can make one feel so stuck and confused.

I think it’s easy to confuse symptoms of personality disorders like compulsions and obsessions with those of autistic traits, and I’m sure there’s nuances for these experiences. But I notice with Pd’s, negative symptoms are less cognitive and more emotional. I know for me personally, (BPD) social and relational issues early in life make it clear what’s really going on with my symptoms now, being a result of the painful parts of my emotional mind as a bpd adult

Bless Claudia and all Loyal Worldwide Sussex Squaddies

I got diagnosed with ASD in November after taking the ADOS assessment but I've struggled to come to terms with it as someone who's been through trauma. I felt like the assessment didn't give me the space or time to discuss the overlap between symptoms of autism and the effects of trauma. For example, I find it very hard to truly connect with people and be myself and I'm not sure whether it's to do with autistic masking or if it's a sense of intense people-pleasing and hypervigilance as a result of trauma. I recently saw a psychiatrist who said that he isn't sure that I'm autistic and thinks I could have a personality disorder instead (I'm guessing he meant BPD). It's just frustrating because, like you said in this video, it's so hard to untangle whether it's autism/adhd, trauma, or both. And I find that a lot of the testing for ASD (at least that I've been through) lacks nuance when it comes to diagnosing women. I really relate to so much of what you said, even down to the keen sense of smell and especially what you said about being an observer. Whatever the diagnosis, it's nice to hear that I'm not alone in feeling this way!

Hi Claudia, I really relate to what you've said here. I'm actually in a similar situation. I'm currently seeking a diagnosis for possible autism and/or ADHD, and I have a trauma history as well. I've been asking myself the same questions and from what I've seen from other neurodivergent folks, most autistic folks also have trauma. It's because this world is traumatizing for autistic folks and when you add on the interpersonal abuse, it makes it so much harder to determine. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum but also it's hard to figure out if that is just trauma, or if it all compounds on top of each other. And then adding multiple marginalized identities (for me being mixed race, queer and trans). Aaahh, confusing! I appreciate all your videos, keep it up.

It would be too long to tell my whole story, but I think we are very similar! And based to what you say, there's no doubt, go for diagnosis 🙂 6 years ago, I discovered your channel, your story, I started my journey about mental health self awareness. Basically, the Emotional Intensity Disorder, I learnt about it through you. I then totally identified in the 9 main points, especially anger, self harm. My sister was diagnosed autistic at 10 but she was far more disabled than me. We were similar too, on some point points. So at this moment I went okay let's say I am the 2. BUT therapists kinda ignored and continue to ignore what I have to say. The dude xho diagnosed me with ASD REFUSES to admit I could be both... I know there's a possibility of being misdiagnosed but here I think I developed EID / ex-BPD, which overlapped with ASD. You also have ADHD. Then I said okay let's see this, and AGAIN TOTALLY ME. So basically I think I have the 3 but therapists aren't very active to confirm it or deny categorically... I'm sorry I sound confused... You really are somebody significant for me, you helped me a lot in my life through your videos and story, it's as if you were an IRL aquaintance to me. I'm sorry, I sound quite creepy saying that 😆 Maybe you could discover 2 RU-vidrs Anna Moomin is an English RU-vidr (left wing you'd love her) who was misdiagnosed, typical case as a woman (usually better at masking and controlling) try watching her videos or to follow her on Instagram 🙂 Dan / The Aspie World is (yet 😆) another British RU-vidr has ASD and ADHD. He publishes A LOT of videos about ASD. try watching some too 🙂 Anyway, I totally understand over 90% of what you said, I'm also in self-doubt, my parents didn't believe I was autistic, they managed to make me doubt and even if confirmed I still feel like it's more, and BPD EID and ADHD must be a thing! Honestly, I would love to share my story and experience with you! If you wanna chat about our lives and all this stuff, you can follow me on Instagram or PM me out there haha Hugo Yuugo, I sometimes like your posts out there 😁

I think if you feel it would give you clarity or peace of mind to know either way, it would be worth seeking out a diagnosis.

I don't necessarily have any advice or extra insight *but* just wanted to say how deeply this resonates with me and that you're not alone. I also have diagnosed BPD and ADHD with the ADHD being recognised last year (at nearly 30), lots of autistic traits, and a ton of trauma from childhood/family stuff that I'm still trying to process. So I definitely relate to how hard it is to disentangle all of those different factors and identify what's causing what! The fact that BPD/ADHD/ASD/CPTSD often are comorbid with eachother to varying degrees makes it a bit of a labyrinth mentally for me. I'm still going back and forth on whether to pursue autism assessments myself, but engaging with the wider ND community and seeing which coping mechanisms work for me regardless of not being diagnosed as autistic has been really reassuring and helpful. x

Hi Claudia! It could be worth looking into. I was late diagnosed with autism at age 30. I don’t have a BPD diagnosis but I know a lot of people who have both diagnoses so it’s definitely possible. The way you speak about your interests becoming your whole personality definitely resonates with me. That’s very much how I experience mine. I have definitely used them to escape into during dark times, but I also get just as obsessed with things when I’m doing well. It’s also interesting what you said about dressing up as fictional characters, as when I was a child I used to base my personality on different characters, and even call myself by their names! For several months everyone knew me as Madeline (from the French cartoon.) I can certainly see that something like this could be trauma related, but I did not experience trauma until my teens so for me this was more about copying/mimicking the behaviour of someone else because I didn’t know how I was supposed to act. My sense of self has never been that stable because it changes depending on who I am around/who I am trying to fit in with. Once I learnt I was autistic and started trying to “unmask” and be more myself, I started learning more about who I really am. What you said about eye contact and looking in the camera was also very relatable! I’ve always wanted to start a channel but was worried about having to look directly into the camera, so it’s reassuring to see someone else who doesn’t do that! For me it was helpful to get my diagnosis because it helped me to accept that there are some things I experience which don’t need to be “fixed”, whereas before I knew, I had sooo many other mental illness diagnoses and I kept trying to “get better” and wondering why I couldn’t change myself. Getting my diagnosis and accepting aspects of my personality has improved my mental health greatly. Obviously I’m not in a position to say one way or the other, but I think it’s worth exploring and also trying to work out whether these traits are also present when you are doing well. There are some really good channels on RU-vid which helped me when I was questioning whether I might be autistic - Yo Samdy Sam and Purple Ella. I’d also recommend a book by Sarah Hendrix (I think it’s called autism in women and girls, or something like that.) xxx

Hi Claudia, just listen to your video, I wanted to tell you that we all have something, none of us are perfect . I watch your podcast everyday, and I think you are a caring Christian human being , so that makes you a great person to me.

Sounds to me like OCD. I have a friend who has similar behaviouralism’s but very different personality. The obsessions are very personal to the individual. The line you take with trauma is I believe most often the case. I know as much and as little as you. Have you seen the film , As good as it gets ? One of a few movies that highlights OCD. I wish you all the strength and wisdom in your day to day life and your journey to a grounded place. Be kind to yourself.

I have been watching your videos for about 8 years but this one hits different for several reasons, especially the part where you talk about living through characters. I am not sure this answers your questions at all with regard to diagnoses and may have no relevance to your symptoms but have you ever looked into maladaptive daydreaming? This is a diagnosis/symptom that is still being heavily investigated and is associated with trauma and/or ADHD. (Not sure about autism.)

My daughter thinks she has ADHD but after watching a video on Autism just to confirm my son has it, I realised when it came to the section on girls it was an extremely accurate description of my daughter.. I sent her the video and it really opened her eyes, so now she's waiting for an appointment with a psychologist only another 3 years to go.

Heyo, I'm replying to things as they come up in the video, forgive me if it's a bit incoherent! ALSO, this is going to me an absolutely MASSIVE comment, just to give you a heads up, but I hope it helps! So, I'm autistic, I have a history of trauma and abuse, and I have BPD (and maybe ADHD?) but one thing that helps me with my autism is "Would X be a problem even if I had no trauma at all?", which is obviously a difficult question to answer. But I know myself well enough to say that, for example, even if I hadn't been verbally abused as a child for saying "the wrong thing", I would STILL have difficulties figuring out what the right thing to say is. What you're describing definitely sounds like an autistic special interest. Like, yes, it can be difficult to distinguish because of the trauma-related desperation that fuelled a lot of my SIs, I just wanted to be anywhere other than where I was. But now that I'm an adult and I'm not in that traumatic situation, I still have special interests, even when they're not fuelled by an intense need to escape. (But it can be really difficult to distinguish between them.) I feel you about things not being seen as symptoms of autism, but as a symptom of... ourselves? Like they're not put into a wider context, they're just another one of our idiosyncrasies as kids, more proof that you're just weird. Again, I've also had an eating disorder because of trauma and control, and some of it was partly inspired by my autism. There were so many sensations that were horrible to experience when I was a teenager, and if I could eliminate any of them, no matter how small, I'd try to do that - even if that meant avoiding eating certain types of food to establish that sense of control. What you're describing in school 100% sounds like sensory overload and being overstimulated. And honestly, seeing my anxiety as being overstimulated helped me a lot to go from "I'm just super sensitive and I'll never be able to do certain things because of who I am, intrinsically" to "I am very sensitive to certain things but if I have the right tools, I could still do those things" (like, for me, it's wearing noise-cancelling headphones). For me personally, the shame diminished when I stopped seeing it as a weird and bad part of myself that was inexplicable and unchanging, to a fact of my life with a very clear explanation. I very much get you between not knowing if you don't fit in bc of trauma or bc of autism. For me, what helped most was becoming an adult, not being in that abusive situation, finding my peers (fellow LGBTQ+ people) but STILL feeling alienated. That no matter how safe and good a situation was, even if the people there shared my experiences of trauma, I still felt like an outsider, which made me realise that there was something else there - autism. Girl, eye contact being difficult is like, the number one symptom of autism! And that is often separate from being anxious about not interpreting someone's emotional state or tone of voice correctly (the fawn response from trauma), because most non-autistic people I know with that response do NOT have problems with eye contact! Yes, it CAN be both autism and BPD (even if psychiatry doesn't believe it). My autism explains most of my "weirdness", and my BPD explains how intensely I relate to other people. It can be difficult to explain because they do overlap so much, but there are certain parts of autism and BPD that don't overlap, like practicing social situations and facial expressions and making a script of what to say before any social interaction. This comment has gone on for long enough, but if you resonate with any of the things that I've written (and you want to keep this discussion going, just not in a RU-vid comment thread), just reply to this comment saying that you would like to talk more about it and I'll DM you on Twitter.

Claudia, I don't know all the labels they put on people in a world that expect everyone to be the same. We are all unique and do the best we can, considering the circumstances of our lives.You're a wonderful human being. I appreciate your openness and sharing.

A thought that’s come to mind, when you kept saying “is it just trauma? And I thought We can’t actually separate any trauma that happens from any diagnosis. Since everything happens and you can’t sort of take yourself out of a situation once it’s happened. You can’t experience life again without it. At least not in this dimension. So I guess what I’m saying is that we don’t actually need to separate any diagnosis from trauma. Because it’s all interlinked. We always feel we want a neat box. I’m this. Then I can know what to do about it. But the truth is we arnt any of it. They are just labels to describe behaviors or thoughts which actually can be changed at any point. Then what are we? We are whatever we are demonstrating at the time. I’ve had multiple diagnosises and I just see it as something to learn from. But I don’t identify that any of them are me. Because I’m now different to when I was diagnosed.

Claudia Boleyn, I've read the comments listed thus far and I'm in agreement with them all. I especially like Suse Fishburne statement. I'm not equipped with knowledge on today's topic but I would like to share what I do know. I'm convinced that you are loved by those close to you and it appears that you are being embraced by a growing online following. You are loved!!! so you GO GIRL... discover what you need to know and understand about you then recover!!! I appreciate your willingness to expose yourself being open about the you we couldn't see. So regardless to your finding I love you and the body of knowledge that you are. Meaning I love you and enjoy the topics and content you bring to the table/platform each podcast. So TAKE CARE YOU and yours!!! Ooh yes... the make-up tutorial wasn't at all bad...

My Beautiful Claudia, Whatever the trauma you have encountered in life has not affected the brilliant mind that you are blessed with. I don't know if you have what you are speaking of, yet the intelligence communicated in this video surpasses most learned professionals. Please seek out a proper medical diagnosis and not dwell on suppositions. I love listening to you and you are not nonsense. Get the truth to your situation. I am with you and am praying for you. Enjoy your outing with Grandma. Love you loads ❤️💕🙏🏽

I think a lot of neurodivergent conditions have similarities. Often neurodivergent people will 'relate' to each other more than to neurotypicals, even if they have different diagnoses. Having looked at BPD, I think a lot of it is very similar to autism. It could possibly be that you're just seeing the similarities, or you could have both, or you could be autistic and the BPD is a misdiagnosis. It's very difficult to know. Perhaps important to know that a LOT of autistic women have trauma (and anxiety, EDs etc) from having spent so many years trying to mask and fit in. I think you should do what feels right for you. If you want to self-diagnose a lot of the autistic community would accept you. If you want to seek diagnosis then do.

Pretty much everything you said resonated with me. I’m 32 years old (non-binary afab), I’ve known I’ve had trauma/CPTSD for years, was diagnosed with adhd a few years ago, and recently realized I was autistic because I started dating someone who is also autistic. It all came together for me and wow, this video is icing on top of the cake. I have more I want to share with you because I feel like I could point you in the right direction as you fall down your next rabbit hole (I related to the bit about revolving obsessions very much - very indicative of adhd+autism coexisting) but I don’t have the time at the moment! In case I completely forget and never come back to this comment (adhd+trauma brain checking in!), I wish you the best of luck on your journey going forward! Allons-y!

I was diagnosed with BPD over 10 years ago and didn't find out until last year that I'm also autistic.

There is a link between trauma and neurodivergency, which is not talked about enough. Trauma, especially over a prolonged period like C-PTSD does change the brain. I’m terrible at keeping links to articles and such, so I’m sorry about that but I talked to people in the comments section of IG videos before about this and I’ve been told that there are studies showing that people who experience prolonged trauma can “become” neurodivergent as a result. It’s called “acquired neurodivergency”. I guess a lot of the coping mechanisms that we rely on to survive end up also being the same things that autistic and neurodivergent people experience? I can’t speak about autism specifically as much but as a trauma and abuse survivor, C-PTSD, I absolutely relate to neurodivergent people and share a lot of the same traits. The more I educated myself about neurodivergency, the more I realized that my close friends throughout my life also show signs of neurodivergency. We tend to spot each other out and stick together, if we realize it or not. I also bet that a shit ton of autistic people have trauma from being forced to grow up and exist in a world that is ableist. Autism manifests in such different ways, not just between men and women but individually. Some people are non-verbal and other people seem “functioning” but internally are struggling so much. I am self diagnosed as somewhere under the neurodivergent umbrella. A lot of the symptoms that I relate to just were part of “how I am” and I just slowly learned how to deal w them in healthy-ish ways that worked for me over time. In my experience, the benefit of learning a new diagnoses is just being able to meet more people who you feel at ease with, and being kinder to yourself, and finding more inclusive spaces, and helping to create a more inclusive world. I’m still learning about myself but the journey has brought me comfort. It doesn’t have to be just trauma or just autism. We all really support you and are so proud of how far you’ve come. I started following you back in 2015 bc I was so impressed and comforted by how out spoken you were about feminism. Watching your vids back then helped me SO much, and I keep appreciating your takes, your kindness, your curiosity, and strength. You’re amazing no matter what. ❤

You seem to have a lot of the traits (I am diagnosed autistic and we seem quite similar) but I think that it's very difficult to define precisely. My conclusion was that no matter what, I have to be me, and therefore I am more interested in strategies for coping rather than how I got here.

thank you for making this video, i'm going through a very similar struggle and hearing you talk about it makes me feel less judgmental towards myself for wondering about these things. in particular about autism. i have a similar background of ptsd and mental health issues, i've been debating with myself whether or not its worth pursuing the question of autism or not since its all so tangled and hard to sort through. hearing you talk about this validated a lot of the conflicted feelings ive been having and so i want to thank you for being so open and vulnerable when i kno how utterly terrifying that can be to do. its why i'll add that in my early years i really found it hard to know how to "act normal" which could be an autism thing or a severe neglect thing, i vividly remember teaching myself how to socialize, i would read books and practice saying the dialogue in a way that sounded natural, learned how to make expressions based on descriptions and identify emotions too. its a thing i've only admitted to a few people irl and its such a source of shame bc of how stupid and pathetic it made - or makes me feel. so you are absolutely not alone in that experience of practicing talking and expressions. i hope that helps to hear, take care

Claudia, have you had a regression to see if you have buried answers as to your past trauma. Perhaps if you learned the unpleasant dangerous things that actually experienced relate to a smell or certain stress. However like Prince Harry, you still have to do the work. Glad you are trying. You are lucky to have your friend as well. ♥️We love you right through the lense of your podcast. ♥️♥️ There are tips and help accepting you as you. Love to you in your quest. ♥️

Really, I think it just depends on if the label helps you. Like, if things like using stim toys and preventing sensory overload and participating in autistic communities helps you, whether your symptoms are caused by trauma or autism doesn’t really matter Edit: To be clear, what you’re describing does sound a lot like autism to me, and matches up a lot with my experience of autism. I just know that whenever I would get stuck wondering what diagnosis would fit me best, it helped to take an approach that focused more on what helped me rather than what label described everything best. Your milage may vary, though

Cptsd vs asd? vs adhd? Oh that's a question I constantly ask. I was told to deal with cptsd(get under control I mean) then get the rest sorted. As cptsd can mask the rest.

You can having both. I have asd and trauma

Obviously I can’t say whether you’re autistic or not, but here’s my experience in case any of it helps: I was diagnosed with autism in March 2022, and I had a mildly traumatic school experience, leading to anxiety from age 12 onwards that became very bad when I was a teenager and has mostly got worse in adulthood. Mostly social anxiety. There are two main ways I know my autistic traits aren’t caused by trauma: first, because they happen when I’m happy and comfortable just as much as when I’m stressed. If I’m comfortable with someone, I rarely make eye contact, even if I do look at their face more than I might someone I was nervous around. I flinch and avoid certain sounds and textures even if I’m having a good day and feel safe in my environment. I stim (flapping my hands for example) when happy and excited as much as when I’m not. Certainly some autistic traits get more noticeable when I’m anxious - my sensory overload is harder to handle when I’m already stressed, as is my need to know what to expect from situations and difficulty with ambiguous plans etc - but I still have those things when I’m happy, they’re just less overwhelming. My special interests are often essential coping mechanisms when I’m having a bad time, but they’re also present when I’m generally doing well, and in that case they simply make me happy without needing to be an escape. In that case I’m not escaping the world into my special interest, I’m experiencing the world through them. Secondly, I had to wonder WHY my school experience was so difficult. In my case, I was bullied at various points from age 5 to 18 and when I wasn’t actively being bullied I was still often disliked by my peers, alienated, and generally treated in a way that caused emotional distress. It wasn’t too severe 90% of the time, but what made it traumatizing was how constant it was and the fact that I didn’t have the tools to handle it because in many cases I wasn’t really aware that how they were treating me was wrong. While obviously there’s no justification for bullying, it also isn’t random - I think I walked around with a target on my back because I was excitable and enthusiastic and didn’t always notice when other people were bored or annoyed with my excited rambling, I didn’t always get the jokes the others made, etc. When I was 11-15 or so I was utterly obsessed with Merlin, and while I did use it as an escape to some extent it didn’t start that way - I was obsessed, so I talked about it a lot, so I annoyed my friends, so they were mean, so I dove deeper into Merlin to cope, so I talked about it more, and the cycle repeated. I had a similar experience with other things I was obsessed with, throughout school. If I hadn’t been autistic, I don’t think I would have experienced nearly so much nastiness and alienation - sure, coming out as trans when I was 16 would have lead to some issues even if I’d been allistic, but otherwise I would have found it much easier to blend in, much easier to relate to my peers, etc. In short, my trauma is causally related to how others viewed my autistic traits, rather than being the cause of those traits.

I would recommend doing more research and talking to your family about how you were when you were little. I am diagnosed autistic, and I heavily relate to all of what you're talking about. I know trauma can look similar, but the coping mechanisms you list are often autistic trauma responses as well. I think it could be worth pursuing a diagnoses, but really consider the cost/benefit of having one as society is very ablest! That said I have found some accommodation in school, like being considered full time without taking a full course load and getting assistive tech (noise cancelling headphones have literally saved my life I think). In the mean time, I really like the youtuber The Thought Spot's videos on autism! I think she's worth checking out! PS: I was trying to write poetry about the autistic experience where I compared myself to the lady of shalott

Claudia…you’re confident, brilliant & very expressive, but I’d like to say Don’t but into too many Psychological labels, k! There’s not anyone that is wholly Normal & that upon a closer examination & analysis, will not fit into one or more of these diagnosis & labels! 🤔😳🧐

I’ve recently realized I’m likely autistic and have a trauma history. It is difficult to tell the difference sometimes but there’s just some things that are obviously autism things over trauma things. Like the sensitivities to light and sound and texture is autism. My startle response is likely trauma but could be autism. I also have adhd and depression so very fun experience overall🥴

I’m autistic and I have two diagnosed children - it took me until I was 33 to realise and how I realised was that I was going to the gym and I could see in the mirror that I don’t really respond when people smiled at me even though I thought I was! Have you tried the AQ test Claudia? It’s quite a reliable indicator of whether you’re likely to be on the spectrum and might help you figure it out.xx

I don’t have a trauma history, but I am currently going through the same battle of is this my depression, anxiety, or could I be autistic? I have also always felt different, isolated, misunderstood and confused by my own mind. It’s really hard to unpack experiences and categorise the ‘cause’. My depression and anxiety started to develop in secondary school and now I’m starting to wonder if that was caused by suppression of autism. I’ve had a lot of struggles with medication to help these and I’m wondering if it’s not helping because I haven’t got to the root cause? I am terrified of identifying as autistic or pushing for a diagnosis because I don’t want to add to any discourse I see a lot about people saying things are autism when they aren’t. Learning about yourself is hard when you have so much self-doubt. And as a 26 year old woman, it’s much harder to relate my experiences to the ‘typical’ ones seen when I was younger. But is that suppression and masking or is it cus I’m NOT autistic???? It’s very frustrating. I really understand the journey you’re going through and hope you are able to find answers.

I hope it is ok to say that you don't strike me as someone with autism. Most of the things you describe relate to trauma and the way they present in trauma is subtly different than in ASC. You also seem quite emotionally intuitive, which is not very ASC. What benefit do you feel there would be to getting a diagnosis of autism?

Oh and an autism diagnosis is absolutely not necessary, at least in the autistic community. We consider self-diagnosis completely valid. ❤

I think its the trauma. Claudia? If you had friends in childhood you are NOT Autistic