I'm going to need to take a minute to appreciate how seamlessly Mark edited himself into the scene where the girls eating ice cream leave the shop. I love his self inserts into the films he reviews, but that one was flawlessly executed!
They need to bring together all these guys like: Neil Breen, Garret Sayre, Tommy Wiseau, John De Hart, Steven Segal, and others, for one film. Call it: "The Unwatchables" and have it directed by Uwe Boll.
This is truly a golden idea. People with insane money never do anything cool with it. They could be financing this! There is a dollar amount for all these people to swallow their pride, acknowledge their failure & fates, and star in the Unwatchables.
I'm gonna write myself into a movie where all the hot girls are totally into me and fight each other over me, then Sonic comes over and we go on an adventure, but it gets interrupted when Amy and Rouge the bat also then start hitting on me. It's gonna win an oscar.
Wow, none of the other two videos I've seen on this movie mentioned the music, it's so, so bad. Both mentioned the creepy child predator undertones the movie has though. It wouldn't be a big deal if they had just met, but the fact he knew her since she was a little girl is just creepy. Plus the fact they portray the two women as childlike, with little girl bedrooms with teddy bears and the like.
A room full of plushies & teddy bears... Let me introduce you to my gf & aunt, respectively lol But yeah, tip toeing around dad like it's past curfew was pretty rank.
The whole "I'm an adult, but i knew you when you were just a kid, but now that you are 18, i can finally date you" thing really creeped me out, and it happens TWICE.
Why does it look more like it was filmed in 1984 or 1994!? NOTHING about this movies says 2004 to me. How did they manage to capture such nostalgia? The one good thing they did…right?
Thank you, Mark, for yet again helping me question the meaning of entertainment. Honestly, I can't watch your commentary of any "vanity project film", with food or drink nearby . . . cuz everything's gonna hit the floor the moment I start laughing! And all this time I thought the only Mannequin Movie starred Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall. Looks to me like Garrett Stewart Sayre could learn technique from a ventriloquist dummy acting coach. Mark, your videos make the online universe shine - Thank You again!
If I had a quarter for every time a protagonist stops a robbery unrelated to the plot, I would have enough to go to the laundromat and do my laundry. Just hope it doesn't get robbed while I'm there.
There's a vanity project that apparently vanished off the face of the internet, called The Empiricist (2003). It has an IMDB page but I couldn't find a way to stream it. If you manage to find it, I would love a review. That movie has a particular wtf decision for the main character that would make for a great Mark-insertion.
I found it on internet archive. It seems they are trigger happy with copyright claims so copies don't last long online. It looks terrible but I'm downloading it anyway
Oh dear. "Honorable Men" a.ka "Why Garret Sayre aren't allowed within 200 feet of public schools". If this WAS a true story it better be the story of a cop who now has to go door to door introducing himself with "My name is such and such, and I'm a registered sex offender". Jaysus.
For horrific vanity projects, check out 2022's 'Blackbird'. A James Bond style thriller written, Directed and starring 'Feet of Flames' Irish dancer Michael Flatley. 63. He's 63 and decides he wants to be Bond.
@@shanester1832 also you just gave me flashbacks to a lit exam when I had to write an essay on a novel but I couldn’t remember any of the characters names. Also also, how much better would the movie be if her name was Champagne and his name was Bullets
I'm fascinated by vanity projects. I think it's the closest thing we have to mind reading. You get to see what's in these people's heads, you see the vision they have of themselves, and what they think is the ultimate in cool and sexy and badass. The life they'd live if they could write their own story. What's most facinating is they star themselves, even though they must know they are not leading material. They can't bear to have a good looking actor play their part, they have to let the world know THEY are the best, this is THEIR story. Amazing.
I'm picturing him sitting in the editing room, nodding his head to the sick beats. " this is perfect!" It sounds like an Irish marching song during the SWAT raid. Where would one find music this bad 20 years ago?
Friend: Hey, Garrett! My nephew got a new Casio player and wants to show off his skills! Garrett: That was amazing. I’ll pay him $1 to compose the soundtrack to my movie.
Jason Brant and his crew covered this about 9 months ago, said it was the creepiest vanity project they've ever watched. When I was browsing the comments, someone mentioned how the only real change they made to the main character was that he interacted with the girls instead of spying on them like in real life.
YES!! FINALLY! I love when you get around to some of my favorites. I’ve found I really lean towards liking the vanity projects because the arrogance and confidence of the leads always add a pinch more hilarity and cringe to the proceedings! 😂
I had to double dip and donate twice, you having to listen to what I guess I’ll call the soundtrack/score multiple times Is worth a lot more than I can give, but hopefully the two donations eases the pain. Every time I see a new video I feel relieved cause I’m always paranoid that one day you will just drop off the face of the Earth and stop releasing videos and that’s gonna be a DARK day, for me at least. But kudos to another awesome video. Would love to know how you came across this movie.
Ah yes, arresting people to elicit romantic feelings in your paramour -- aka, "the Mitchell Method". Ryan is so smooth... he deserves the Joe Don Baker Award
@@toadynamite8141No teenagers, only weapons and dinosaurs. If I can appear here and on the rickraptor105 channel, all my artistic pretensions have been reached.
I've been trying to find a movie to suggest but you've done my top 10. This film tells me I'm a lightweight and I have to pay more attention to the DVD bin at my local Dollarama. Stay tuned.
08:41 that drum machine sounds like a Matell Synthonics, which a then-friend cut his demo tapes in the mid-80s with (talk about vanity projects); this movie came out in the 2000s though? It's almost like he's doing an 80s parody.
Hey man, I just want to thank you for the portion about bad audio. I do audio for film and tv ( if you ever watch lifetime christmas movies you've probably seen one of mine haha ) and on a lot of sets audio is treated as an afterthought. Of course when they get to the edit room they freak out when they realize how important it actually is and end up spending quite a bit on ADR. Anyway, thanks for pointing out how important it is to a film. Love your channel man!!
@@robsutton3092 haha I wish! I'm just the on set recordist though, I'm not involved in post. I mic the talent with lavalier mics and have a boom operator working for me. No fart sounds unfortunately haha
@@williammitchell5201 Well, I guess I’ll just have to continue to watch those movies (and pretty much all movies and tv shows) and imagine those sounds. I must be some kind of Utopian. Imagine all the people… But if you ever have the opportunity to turn my dream into reality, please do it!
Hey Mark, check out "Planet of the Dinosaurs" - 1970's Sci-fi with claymation dinosaurs and zero other special effects. Cheesy, bad writing and some unforgettable performances... especially by the secretary's boss! I found it on roku channel awhile back
After all this time I am still trying to figure out who the fuck is the blonde woman on the cover with Sayre?! It’s so obviously not the blonde HS girl he’s dating in the film. It’s just so bizarre. Lol
No joke, I had to take out my phone and look at Wikipedia for the movie, starting with the main character meeting with Michael Caine's character, because I couldn't hear a word they were saying and had no idea who Michael Caine's character was or why he just handed a stranger his credit card.
I'm waiting for Chris Hansen to show up any minute now on screen. Yeah, excellent green screen of you Mark, into the film, as always. It does look painful, given the awful, PAINFULLY awful, lack lustre performances. Shame, because, like you say, Mark, it had some qualities. He looked SO awkward on screen, maybe the worst I've ever seen.
Thanks, Mark, for bringing this to our attention. Unfortunately, as you stated, there's really nothing Breen-ish about it, like wrasslin' a CGI tiger or sump'n.
This one has a bigger ick factor than other vanity projects I’ve seen. Unless the title was intended to be satirical. That would make the ending a satisfying, “cosmic justice served” kind of thing.
This appears to be Manos level, meaning no redeeming qualities, incompentent, barely qualifies as a movie. The others in comparison may be bad but they have an odd charm.
Another movie constructed entirely out of scene rehearsals. The problem with vanity projects is that vanity blinds the creator from seeing how bad what they're making is.
These vanity projects are hilarious. A bunch of middle aged men fantasizing about teenage girls. " I'll make you a star, I'll give you a hundred bucks if you make out with me" "eww!" " I used to watch you on your swing set from my kitchen window. I'll give you $200 and thats stretching my budget" "ok" ...."slobber, slobber, slobber". "you never kissed a woman before/ have you."
I remember when I was a kid my grandmother used to watch TV shows like "The Bold & The Beautiful" and "Young & The Restless" and it was Waaaay Better than this. Strangely my wife likes watching daytime soap operas too.
I rember something my old theatre director said to me that is similar to what you were told. He said, "The audience will forgive a lot of things, but will not forgive being unable to hear dialogue, and they will bever forgive you for that performance. Never try to act again!"
I love when the movie pisses Mark off. You can hear the rage building up in his voice but then he remembers he's making a video so he controls it. I would love to see the outtakes!
Watching you torture yourself with these movies will always be my favorite past time. I started watching as a freshman in high school and now I'm in college. Man it's been a wild ride
Rudy Boecsh is apparently in this movie according to the IMBD website. For those who don't know, he appeared on the first season of survivor and was the second to last person left at the end. He lost on a technicality. Rudy served in World War Two, and was one of the very first US Navy SEALs. He earned several medals for gallant in Vietnam, having survived 45 harrowing missions. Sadly, this American hero passed away in 2019. Grounded and down to earth, he was a fixture and local celebrity here in Virginia Beach, home of the east coast Navy SEALS