Anthony Bourdain's Toxic Masculinity 

How could an uncommonly cynical, worldly man make it to 60-something and NOT learn to avoid infatuation.

It's crazy to me but it seems that nobody is ever the same after quitting heroin. I mean, you're clean and sober but there's always this hole there. You fill the hole with anything that'll keep your mind off the drug, but you never truly get over it! I battled heroin addiction and alcoholism for over 2 decades. I'm going on 3 years clean and sober (the longest I've ever been clean) but there are still moments when using pops in my head. I won't even mention the depression or suicidal thoughts.

She played him, she’s a manipulative person .. She took he’s natural kindness for weakness. She knew he was a sensitive person and in love with her. manipulative people love playing games with peoples lives, and they are the most toxic. it’s all about power and control, there weak “sad” people who cling onto strong confident people and just suck them dry . People know what they are doing, they just play the victim and dumb when the crap hits the fan . Life’s a game to a lot of people, I don’t think Tony took life as a joke . RIP Tony, I’ve learnt a lot from you .

Tragic. :( Don't base your self-worth on what someone else thinks of you. Don't make THEM your reason for living.

When Argento let the mask slip, Bourdain realized that he had been in love with and in bed with a goblin!

this is what happens when you get involved with sociopaths. i lost my business, my home and most importantly, my family, beware, stay away!

I miss his voice. Admittedly, I didn't love the CNN show as much as "No Reservations" and hadn't watched in a few years. I watched the last season after his death and was floored as to how much his depression surfaced. I will never forget him trying not to cry in a bar in Montana after killing a pheasant. That NEVER would have happened 5 years ago. Once I saw that, I knew his suicide was legit. Thank you for talking about this. He believed his mental illness was a "character defect" and not a sickness and declined help. His work literally changed my life. Rest in peace. I'm so happy I shared time on this planet with him.

He was dealing with stress and anxiety - then his girlfriend goes and cheats on him and sends him photos. He killed himself shortly after that. Then she used it for more popularity - this is sick.

Bourdain was a very tragic figure. Men need to learn to live for themselves.

Mr. Bourdain found out the hard way that a good woman is a blessing and a bad one is worse than death. He eventually took the less grueling punishment.

A great video. I am 63 and I have found myself contemplating suicide because of my misunderstanding of women . The only thing that stopped me was my daughter. Drugs and alcohol were a passive suicide instead. I am sober and happy now. I have come to understand the wonderful life I have . I am now beginning to understand MGTOW and how it can be a positive force in my life . Thank you.

“Life trapped in an anhedonic fog.” That’s an excellent way of describing clinical depression.

Toxic is calling people who question the presented reality stupid.

I think I can sincerely say that taking the red pill has actually done a lot of good for my mental health. Much of my depression and anxiety in the past had come from feeling like my masculinity needed to be validated by my relationships with women or general female approval. Thanks to people like you Paul, and the MRM I have learned that my masculinity can be defined to be what I want it to be, something more meaningful other than being of use to women.

Never ever harm yourself over a woman.

Mr Elam, thank you for your perspective! Always wonderful to listen to your wisdom!

I'm a woman. Some people consider me a feminist. Actually, I'm a humanist. Pretty much everything you said, I agree with totally. I could see by the videos alone how totally out of control Bourdain was by this woman. I could also see how disingenuous she was - that's even before the pictures came out with her and the other man; before the news came out about her payoff to Jimmy Bennett. That's part of my problem with the "me-too" movement. So many of these women who have stepped forward to complain were (in my opinion) quite complicit in the situation they found themselves in. I can go into dozens of examples, but it would be exhausting. The bottom line is, there are a lot of toxic and dishonest people in this world - both men and women. With the exception of rape, women are quite capable of saying, "no" and walking away. Will she occasionally lose out on an opportunity? Yes. But if she's strong, believes in herself, she'll bounce back. The same is true with men. We bounce back. That's life. That's the way it is. As far as finding true love: It's only through living, loving, and learning do we understand what true love and friendship really is.

Hey Paul. Thanks for the message. I’ve studied the roots of chivalry (courtly love) and it is beyond toxic for men. It’s so sad that men die needlessly because of this western tradition.

So many people have been affected by the passing of Anthony Bourdain and its hard to accept the way he took his life. I was right there at the beginning like most young inspiring chefs - when his first book came out, I was in my first year of Culinary School. It seemed as though everybody read his book. Then we were able to see Anthony on TV with No Reservations. He fooled us all- he came off as someone who enjoyed living life to the fullest and always up for trying everything at least once. Over the years, he became part of our pop culture but in a good way- he had a young daughter as well which also is another reason it's hard to accept him taking his life. Its the easy way out and that idea didn't relate to Anthony!!! He struggled early in life but found success after 40. So much life he lived and he had more and it sucks that this cool mutha f'er took his life. So, yea it's easy to get sucked into all the conspiracy shit and his recent girlfriend didn't make anything easy with all the dark, questionable things she's into. And hell, the Clintons are a shady family. At the end of the day, Anthony must have really got his heart broken and it hurt him to the point to where he had enough heartache by cheating lovers!!! Regardless- he is gone and its still hard to believe. If there is some shady things that are responsible to his death, eventually it will surface!!!

I'm glad you talked about Argento's cheating pushing him over the edge. Great video!

William Shakespeare: An excerpt from "Kate's" monologue in "Taming of the Shrew" Not much has changed since 1591 "Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee And for thy maintenance; commits his body To painful labor both by sea and land, To watch the night in storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou li'st warm at home, secure and safe; And craves no other tribute at thy hands But love, fair looks, and true obedience-- Too little payment for so great a debt. Such duty as the subject owes the prince, Even such a woman oweth to her husband; And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour, And not obedient to his honest will, What is she but a foul contending rebel And graceless traitor to her loving lord? I am ashamed that women are so simple To offer war where they should kneel for peace, Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway, Whey they are bound to serve, love, and obey."

Gynocentric! I LOVE IT! Right on. I’m doing a great job as a mom to my son. He IS a young man and he WILL be a GREAT man. Not a pussy-whipped gynocentric noodle of “man”. How eloquent and caring you are. Good luck to all good men out there. Let’s all be DECENT HUMANS and coexist in harmony...

I was crazy in love once. The end of it nearly caused me to end myself. It has taken me years and a few hard skids along the bottom to recover. I was not surprised when Argento's involvement was brought to light in the aftermath of Bourdain's suicide. My crazy love brought to an end in betrayals similar to Argento's. I always loathed Bourdain. He was condescending and judgemental despite being largely imperfect. His hypocrisy chided me any time I heard his name. But now that all these events have come to pass...I empathize with him. A man, removed.

No good women these days, apparently. One of my childhood friends got divorced two months ago and this has devastated the dude. He's barely in his 30s, married at 23, has a child who the woman took away. He barely makes it through with his salary. All that, after he lost his younger brother to illness, his only sibling. The young man has become a heavier drinker. He had begun drinking when his brother passed away all of a sudden a year ago. Now, he drinks as he wakes up. God save my friend. I tried getting him into red pill community but he's not in a state to listen to reasoning.

Captain save a ho..

From someone who almost followed the path of guy's like Anthony. I say great video. And thank you Mr Elam.

Anthony Bourdain gave up on himself and to think he would actually give her the satisfaction of ending his life as a result of her is even more insulting, I thought he was better than that in terms of giving her that much power.

Life long bouts with depression and old age do not mix.

Inexplicably, some people find mindless gossip like this, about celebrities, by people who neither know the celebrities, nor know anything about them other than other mindless gossip that they read, in mindless entertainment publications, to be entertaining.

Brutal, insightful, correct.

The tin foil is real with me. Too many door-knob 'suicides". But then again, he had a weird, damaged girlfriend....

Unfortunately he was in love or in control of an unattractive younger woman who didn’t mind using or controlling him. Fortunately men learn how to leave women like this sooner . It happened to me earlier and since i removed her from my live i never think of her and i never can imagine when i did ever love her. I just think very little about her one way or another. To do so would be giving her power as before. Know that she is not good for you and leave her and don’t look back.

You don't sound smug at all, it sounds like more like a combination of grief and a warning to the rest of us.

Paul Elam, your theory makes a lot of sense. Suicide is all about psychology and you did produce a lot of psychological evidence. Supporting his wife requiered a lot of denial, years and years. But denial is not just a state of being: a person must do a lot of work to keep one's denial in place, a lot of nasty, depression-inducing work. When the final straw hit the back he suddenly realized that ALL this work was in vain, his LOYALTY was in vain... All of it... Very plausible that this drives a person to suicide: dead and empty with no sense of self...

A very timely piece for me.................And I thank you.

It would have been easy for you to be glib about a case of the snake eating its tale. Thanks for continuing to be the man I've come to respect by neither stomping nor absolving a man that clearly got caught in the snare the blue pill world lays for men.

Great blessay Mr Elam. Thank you for sharing your insights. Makes for many very interesting things to think about.

He was 62 . Wasn't a respectable 50 year old woman good enough for him.

wow.. thank you for your clarity as a man. Whilst you point to the character failings of this guy your epitaph is truly constructive kindness to him and us. For the rest of us caught in our, at times, unpleasant reality we still have the opportunity to lessen that if we find the understanding and the courage for ourselves. Respect and love. David

Paul you are one of the shining lights of the manosphere. Thank you.

The moral to this story is, don’t trust anyone, male or female, not everyone has the same interest that you have.

Great segment...AA has had an ATROCIOUS reputation since she was in her teens. Everyone thinks they can stand the heat till they're in the fire. Ultimately the responsibilty was his.

Spot on sir! Thank you for doing all the work you do. You’ve helped many people and you are appreciated.

I love this brother. Your words are so hitting and profound. Losing Tony felt like losing a close friend, and this video helped me come to terms with it easier all those years ago. No lies or denial

. . . direct and on point . . . thank you . . .

Thank you Paul Elam. Believe me I think you are saving my life, literally

Behind close door, It's so hard to distinguish between sexual harassment and sexual favors for movie role. It should be at least 50/50. 50% are genuine sexual harassment , 50% are sexual favors for personal gain. When someone claim a crime, it's not reasonable to automatically assume the woman is pure angel and man is the complete devil. Human nature are way too complex for that.

Maybe he had medical issues that were weighing him down as well too, we couldn't possibly know all of the details when some of his friends didn't even know all of the details.

Not to say there isn't legitimate suicides and mass shootings but don't dismiss the agenda behind them. and yes some of these events are not what they seem and to think otherwise is even stupider

It breaks my heart at just how right you are. I would like to believe that one true friend could have helped Anthony but at the end of it we only have one true person we can rely on. And if that person will not stare truth in the eyes then hope is had to find.

I watched his series Parts Unknown , he always had a depressive way about him as a bipolar I saw this right away and always wondered if anyone ever offerd to help him with it or at least help hem recognize it in him self . Never saw him cook anything which as a chef seamed that might would be a passion of his . Some times being in a crowed is the loneliest place .

While I agree that the conspiracy theories surrounding every celebrity death can get quite tiresome, you seem highly dismissive of suicide being a common cover up for murder. I have actually spoken to someone who committed murder in this way. He’s a tattoo artist at a tattoo shop near my house and used to belong to a biker gang. He committed murder many years ago in his youth and him and his gang tried to cover their tracks via suicide, but were still caught due to their sloppiness. He served many years in jail I believe, I didn’t want to ask how many. I can only assume somebody who isn’t so sloppy, perhaps a professional assassin, would most likely not get caught. They would be much better at making the suicide seem, for lack of a better word, inconspicuous. Take from this what you will, I by no means am saying Bourdain was murdered. I haven’t got a clue, but don’t dismiss the possibility. Stranger things have happened. Edit: but for what it’s worth I think you did a good job on this video otherwise and I too believe his death to be suicide. These facts line up far too well regarding Argento, his self destructive behaviors and his relationships with both.

Where did you get your MD.?

Hi Paul, given the news on Argento today, will there be a follow up to this video? I hope so. Keep up the great work!🙂

Infatuation is the mother of all mental illness ....

I don't call what Bourdain felt for her being "in love." I prefer to call it being "suicidally infatuated."

Good video

Surprised this site survived The Purge.

An Ear for Men Thank you for sharing your opinions, and encouraging young men to stick up for themselves.

... and they say there's no fool like an old fool, yep I know that feeling.

Thankyou professor. So glad you set us all straight.

"Canoodling!" You get points for that!

Thank you for that insight, it makes a lot of sense!

This is very painful and hard to hear because it rings so true

Beautiful as always. Thanks Paul

I can't even see how he loved that thot. Or even be associated with her. I know he could have done much better that thing.

He's gone & forgotten by the vast majority. Life goes on & his young daughter is fatherless!

God Bless you Sir and Great Dissertation..!

It's sad how it is easier to take one's own life rather than face the fact that you have been a fool.

Paul, I found your post on Anthony Bourdain deeply moving. Of all of the "reports" and discussions about him, yours was the ONLY one that made any sense. Liberal Media was obsessed about the "possibly" that he had drugs in his body. The reports indicated that he did not. Actually, that is not quite correct. He DID have the "drug" of senseless and all-encompassing infatuation with a women who did not deserve him. I believe this can cause changes in a person's brain chemistry, a kind of "neuroplasticity." Bourdain already had a known tendency for this condition, as bespeaks his history of multi-drug addiction. As a clinical therapist, you know that "substitution" occurs when addicts give up drugs. Actually, it HAS to occur when an addict gives up drugs. A SUBSTITUTION must be made. But what kind? Work? Physical exercise? Sex? Masturbation? Manic dieting? As a retired physician, I am aware of this. I think you are too. In Anthony's case, the substitution was incapacitating fixation on a very flaky woman. I am really sorry he is dead; but it is also true that YOU are the only person who reported this and I believe YOU are the only person who got it right. Dead right, as it turns out. Sanjosemike (no longer in CA)

Having a girlfriend or a wife is no guarantee for monogamy. Love relationships are often not exclusive. Both men and women cheat. Women often have more opportunities for cheating and are better at hiding it. I've already factored this into my relationships. In my teens and early twenties I had some intense infatuations with women. These infatuations were crazy because some of the women that I was infatuated with were not even available. I see now that these infatuations did serve a purpose. I got burnout on this type of thinking and since then I never got goo-goo-gaga over any woman. This saved me a lot of pain and I've avoided the type of emotional attachment that a woman could take advantage of. Men need to have a 'so what' attitude if they find out that their girlfriend allowed some other guy to f-ck her as long as the terms of relationship are fair and agreed on.

Let the man rest in peace. We don't know. Why can't we accept that we don't know?

well said.... thank you... I,was able to back away from the edge a few inches... , thank you. I greatly admired Anthony and his work. he will be greatly missed.

I am reminded of the description of the black widow my great aunt gave when I was 7 yoa. I had found one in her backyard, spinning the cocoons for her eggs. I asked her if there wasn't a father to produce those baby spiders? Yes she said. He was not poisonous, and smaller than she. In the midst of procreation she bit his head off to make his copulation ever more vigorous. At the time I was glad that was not the case with humans. I had not yet heard of termagants or emotional terrorists, although I had a vague feeling my mother liked to magnify her dramatic emotional outbursts, being a burgeoning operatic singer. “Men aren't more emotional than women, but they do feel things more deeply and strongly than them.” --Suzanne Hindmarsh Can't say how true this is, but I do think women intuitively sense the male's sensitivity to emotion and use it to drive them unsparingly. They have no conception of what they're doing to men, and how their antics drive men to the borders of insanity--unless men have been properly mentored through the rite of passage. I have no idea how "clinical" depression is any different from usual depression. While I never went to a clinic to get depressed, I often returned from one more depressed than ever. Gotta agree with you Paul. Anthony set himself up for his premature demise in just a similar manner my mother committed suicide--by the beliefs each held about themselves and the world as they saw it. Instead of saying NO! to my father, she capitulated one more time, and then saw no way out, no hope. So she saw an opportunity to slip away on the delivery table and took it.

I think he tried to get cnn to hire Argento they said no so he argued with cnn and quiet when he told her she didn’t need him anymore so she dumped him . So he had nothing left and that pushed him over the cliff. RIP Anthony

Great talk! It makes me think. Thanks Paul.

Sir, 100% agree with your synopsis.

what is also tragic is scavengers opining over a dead guy only to talk about their skewed view of the world

Thank you for this sir.

So long story short. What he needed was someone about thirty years his senior. I.e me to pick up the pieces. Its a shame I didn't get to utter a single word to this award winning cook. Let alone chef. With much the next man has to be jealous of. *coughs* Refreshing that I'm not famous and mildly talented lyrically. The guy didn't fear the reaper. He knew how to live. He was a worldly figure that knew what he was worth in production. Props for the job you just did of highlighting nonsense and making complicated emotions appear simple. That's the sad part.

Good vid. Makes sense to me. Thanks.

I have personally experienced things that we are taught don't exist . I am not so quick to dismiss "conspiracy theories ."

As always. This is music and therapy to my ears. I love you Paul Elam no homo hahaha

Thank you.

Very well said about the sad story of one of my favorite TV personalities.

I really enjoyed your take on Anthony Bourdain and was seeking answers for weeks after his death. As the facts began to unfold, I, too, figured his death must be connected to the exotic, mysterious, exciting, unique Asia Argento, whom Bourdain could not get out of his psyche; yes, good old-fashioned "falling madly in love" with someone who is tantalizing and not good for you. When I saw Asia on one of his shows in Italy I sensed a spark between them and remember thinking that "I bet Bourdain is romantically interested in her". Sure enough, it turned out he was interested in her! Isn't there some quip about "there is nothing worse than an old fool, in love?"Sadly, it appears it may have been Bourdain's undoing. I guess you were right. Bourdain was suicidal, looking for a good reason to end his life and this was it.

I despise the way some women behave, but that said, some women feel it's the only way they can be taken seriously. They have their beauty and sexuality and that's what they use to get on in life, in the same way as men use their money and their power. For the normal, everyday woman, if they're decent, and there are decent people of any and all sexes, they want someone who will love and care for them for who they are. Someone to laugh with, someone they want to take care of, someone who is the light of their life and they respect as they are respected in return. That's what relationships are supposed to be. It's not the Georgian age where marriage was a business transaction, and anyone who violates that trust should be vilified. AB was a damaged man, a vulnerable man in a business that isn't real. From all accounts, though he would never have looked at me twice, I would have been happy to have known him as the line cook he always was.

He was a rockstar...he went out on before he became a joke. A woman betrayed him and he was done.

Interesting perspective. Good job.

There are many tributes ‘out there’ honouring Anthony Bourdain. He was indeed a noble soul, and it is right and fitting we should mourn the loss of such a unique human being. But I cannot get on board with some tributes to him which extol his “worldly advice” - indeed, he did have some some good, wise advice - apart from his last act - that was not actually a good way to handle life's problems. In fact, it does kind of overshadow all the good advice he gave, if his ultimate conclusion to all his wisdom is to.. erm, well, you know.. his final conclusion, in the face of all his advice, is to kill himself. Its easy to say that his "worldly advice" and his suicide were two separate things. But I cannot believe they are entirely separate - his will to self annihilate at the end - to some extent, however small, diminishes the wisdom he imparted. At the very least, it gives added license to all those other poor souls contemplating suicide. How can that be a good thing? He left no suicide note saying "don't do what I'm about to do" - he left nothing to warn others not to follow his path - and in that respect - as a hugely prominent role model - I take all of his advice with more than a pinch of salt. Sorry to say.

I agree with what was said in this video however I feel anyone, male or female, can go out like this. It happens when you make your partner the center of your universe and build everything up around that person. Then when the person leaves you or betrays you, you feel like you have nothing left to live for. It happened to Kate Spade as well when her husband left her and she took her own life. Never make any man or woman the center of your world. Only yourself and God. So sad Anthony went out that way. He seemed like he was a sensitive and loving soul 💜😢 Very good video.

Gossip or not its an interesting thought exercise. I personally see a link between obsession about women and obsession enough with self destruction to go through with the suicide. I don't think it surprising at all that if a person loses all the reasons that they found in life to live for that they should lose the will to live and end their life. I personally find the fact that any one of us can elect to pull the plug and end it all very comforting and I'm glad I'm not seeing all that "suicide is selfish" crap everywhere here.

Classic examples of Paul's principles in his video: Ten Immutable Laws of Men and Chicks. The photographer white knights for Argento by taking offline the pictures of her cheating. Men will protect chicks even at the expense of other men and the truth. Bourdain inflicted pain and death upon himself rather than on the cheating monkey-brancher. He would protect her even at his own life's peril. Rarely will a chick turn her pain inward to such an extent. More likely she would trash his reputation publicly and Argento did, even if in a surreptitious manner. She put out a pic of herself with a T-shirt with a pic of Sid Vicious (?) and "Fuck Everyone. You know who you are." Most people believe this was an insult message to Bourdain because he was known as the Sid Vicious of cooking(?). Argento is portraying herself as heartbroken and shocked at his suicide and she can't see that it had anything to do with her. He was just a depressed kinda guy, right? I haven't heard a lot about the reporter she was having an affair with. Has she or the man admitted to the affair? The media is mostly ignoring this as a possible reason for his suicide. Hmmm, is this another one of Paul's Immutable Truths? Gee, I wonder if she will be able to claim some of his estate because they were in love and Asia heard Anthony say he would leave her something and he promised to marry her? Maybe she will remember that just before he killed himself he sexually assaulted her and she can sue his estate. Maybe guilt is why he killed himself. She just has so much bad luck with wealthy men attacking her. I suppose we'll never know until Paul revamps and updates and elaborates on his video: Ten Immutable Laws of Men and Chicks. I wonder when that will happen? On a side note: Did you hear about the 37 year old teacher chick who was recently found not guilty of having sex with a 17 year old student numerous times and when she broke off the relationship he killed himself. I suppose the Immutable Laws work on jurors even when you lay out all the evidence nicely. Yeah, it was a weak case. The main witness is DEAD.

Thank you sir

It’s too bad that Anthony Bourdain took his own life. Who knew he was so troubled. I found him to be an interesting person and a free spirit in his world wide travels. Too bad he couldn’t just dump Asia Argento and continue his quest for a decent bowl of Ping Tung noodles. RIP Anthony, I’m going to miss you.

Tony was a man who had a history of depression and he let it show every once in a while.I read somewhere that he had a history of suicidal thoughts. Something caused him to lose his battle against depression.Maybe it was his age or something else. Akin to Hemingway and Hunter S Thompson. Great artists and great men who were consumed by depression. None of us will truly know why he came to that sad choice. I always thought that he would go from a heart attack.Perhaps after a rich meal with a blissed look on his face.He did seem to like foie gras and hot dogs.I was sad to learn about his passing. It doesn't change the fact that he was a great writer, interesting tv host.A guy who travelled the world and lived quite a life.

Anthony was a beta male... eventually you find out everyone is mediocre. Even Paul.

How'd you get billy bob thornton to narrate?

kudos...well done..

What did BlackScoutSurvival block you on a live stream? I'm confused why he did it.