anxiety and depression trap me in my room | mikayla jade 

I feel like such a failure... like i'm living my life in the wrong way and nothing that i do to change the situation has an effect. I feel completely useless at this point, like there is really no reason to try and do anything. It's so sad. I was so happy before, but i guess i will always end up here

you remind me of myself like no one has before

I really love these videos, I'm sitting here wrapped in my blanket feeling completely numb, I just feel a little less alone having someone be sad with me, you're a really cool person

This is how I am right now, I can't do anything other than be in my room, I can't go to school, work or the gym because it's a literal hell that destroys your life in every aspect, I hope you're doing much better and I hope I get out of this hell hole as well

Some people just don’t understand that those of us with anxiety or depression can have such a hard time being normal and doing normal things, and just functioning like a normal person.They don’t understand how much we desperately don’t want to think this way or even feel this way but we’re forced to deal with it. Sometimes it’s so bad we can’t even think to deal with it so we do the only thing we can think in the moment, which is avoid anything that might make us feel this way or amplify that already existing feeling. So glad to finally see someone show their life in vivid detail of how it is and can be living life dealing with anxiety/depression and just be so real, raw, and transparent about it all.

This video got to me, made me very emotional. You can see the pain in this young lady. I suffered with depression when I was 15, it was the worst time of my life & I honestly thought the world hated me & I wasn’t good enough I just couldn’t cope anymore. Fast forward... I got pregnant at 17, my daughter saved my life, she’s my light at the end of a dark tunnel, everything I do is for her. I’m 20 years old now & doing a lot better, I still get my down days but if it wasn’t for my little girl I honestly don’t think I would be writing this right now. If you are ever going through something.. please don’t ever give up. Time & patience goes a long way. Sending big hugs to all❤️

Love yourself Mikayla.. even when no one else will, because you are all you have at the end of the day. Best wishes

I couldn’t stop breaking down. I’ve thought my whole life that there is something wrong with me and I’ve never known anyone else with the same issues, for the first time in my life actually hearing someone else talk about the same things you go through.. it’s insane. I really hope we all get the things we need to be okay

Thank u for making me feel like I’m not the only one who stays in their room from depression & anxiety.

i cried watching this because i feel this exact pain too. I’m 17 going on 18 and i struggle so much just getting out of bed to the point where it affects me getting a job. i used to feel like i’d never be able to have one and that no one would want me, but thankfully i have just gotten my first job and i start working very soon.. i’m not very excited about it, but as long as i can cope and get through the day that’s all that matters

I suffer like this too, its the worst. I wish you well

sometimes I feel like I'm not made for this world, with my personality it's hard to fit in with the society's standards, I still wonder if it will really get better, no one even truly understand what you're going through unless they put themselves in your own shoes

I can’t even go shower due to low energy it’s the worst thing ever. My parents always call me lazy which makes me feel even more useless but I try so hard if only they understood.

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I'm a 21 year old male. Who lives at home with his parents and brothers. It's been three years that I've been stuck in my room. I dream about getting my own place. I just feel so stuck in depressed all the time. Nobody understands me.

let's hope it gets better for us all of those who have depression

Hi Mikayla, For some folks it’s hard to know what to say when it comes to depression and anxiety. People who don’t suffer from them don’t understand. I suffer from both and so does my 19 year old daughter. You remind me So Much of her. I still just want to just hug you and tell you that you are not alone. I take my shower in the mornings for the same reason. My daughter lives with her boyfriend now, but when she lived with me she almost never left her room. She is a vegan also. And she had a blog. She was always pouring her heart out on camera. She kept a daily journal. I just stay busy and struggle through out the day. I meditate in the evenings, it helps. But I really want you to know something. I’m all the way in Boston, Massachusetts USA, you are reaching others all over the world who have similar struggles and You are making a difference and making an effect on others who need to hear this. You get yourself to where you need to be Mikayla, move to your own flat if you can. Surround yourself with other loving and like minded people who will love you no matter what. Please keep reaching out.... You are loved! ❤️

I rarely ever cry, especially when watching RU-vid but you really just made me cry. When you talked about hardly eating and drinking water because of your anxiety to go out of your room, I felt that so much and I never would’ve thought that other people feel like this as well, I always feel so fucking crazy, I can relate with you so so much, the being quiet part too. I’m so sorry for all of us who experience this, we all deserve a happy fulfilled life but it’s so much harder for us..

It hits me hard when she said ‘I cannot create’. Im one of those people who FEELS too much, and always wish i have a hobby (whether its music or art ) since its a way to express emotions. The fact that I couldn’t draw/paint or play an instrument. It made me felt so overwhelmed, of feelings. And its just so overwhelming that you can physically feel it... so tight in the chest.

sometimes my own mind tricks me. i always try to invalidate my feelings because i dont think i deserve to feel these things. i dont go do therapy because i dont wanna bother my parents with my problems, and im falling in this loop where i cant do anything because im constantly hating myself, but at the same time i cant cry, i cant get my feelings out, and then im again invalidating my feelings and thinking that im just being dramatic. im on my last year of high school and i cant study to any college exam because im trapped. im trapped and i dont do anything about it. anyway, im sorry for the long text, i just wanted to try to get my feelings out, and sorry for my english too,its not my native language.

It's so sad to read comments of many people struggling with depression and anxiety. I have dealt with major anxiety and mild depression for years. It's really hard when you lose your parents and have no one you can talk to. Wishing everyone much love peace and comfort.

Im a marine. Suffering from anxiety depression BPD and PTSD. The fact that you can make your bed on a day you were really struggling is awesome I’m proud of you

i just had a weekend exactly like this. seeing you do little things in this video - like watching you make your bed & take a shower - made me feel so proud of you bc i feel proud of myself when i can bring myself to do things like that. i relate to so much of this. i hope you have a good day soon. (she made it outside!)

i been struggling for quite some time, sometimes you just gotta know your not alone, thats what this video did for me... TY

I have literal chills from watching this, I’m in tears. We can do this, we must stay strong together and fight for US, our life back. Stay strong hun ❤️❤️❤️

Mikayla honey, I've been through this as well and the best advice I can give you is to want with all your soul and all your actions to get better. For your boyfriend or your future kids if you want some or in order to help this or that friend get through something... Find a reason and hold on to it. And then force yourself to think positive all the time. Health and needing headspace and all are reasons but mostly excuses... Whenever you think about anxiety or feel anxious, think instead of thr reason why you need to get better, think about a task you should do later in the day, think about what you want to do tomorrow. Think positive and energetic :) And maybe try find a sport that you like :) All the best honey. You're not alone. Don't give up singing. Remember, do your best to stay positive !

Depression is a horrible disease, my beautiful oldest daughter at 22 was killed in 2011 and a third of my heart died with her. Please know how loved you are by family, friends and fans. To end your life will create an unimaginable amount of grief and anxiety for those who you leave behind. I have so much to live for but at 55 years old I don’t have a day I don’t wish I was in Heaven. I take a happy pill and a don’t give a chit pill 😂 and it helps me to be happier. Your voice is so beautiful and reminds me of my daughter who sang. Hang in there because not all days are bad

Never ever feel you're hopeless or helpless. You're special in your own way Mikayla. You can always remember how people were touched by your first performance and your next ones. The emotion you put in the songs really touched people's heart. Some may be inspired by you, some may adore you, some may be even helped by you when they were struggling inside. You are inspiration for people, you are loved by people. You should always remember that somewhere there are people who are worried about you. Everytime you feel depressed or your anxiety becomes worse, always remember how valuable you are. Sorry if i talked way too much or too hard to understand, but one thing is that i believe you can get through all of these. You can always start slowly, step by step, not pushing yourself way too hard. In fact, you've already started it. You managed to go outside and get a cup of coffee when it's very hard for you. Next time, you can try to get water outside your room when there are people around for example. I know it may be really hard for now but you will completely be able to do that soon. Wherever you are there will be spaces for you to fit in. Fighting!♥️ also.. you should try to play some relaxing songs when you're sleeping, it can help a little. And chamomile tea can reduce stress and anxiety as well as curing your sleeplessness. You can try to drink that before sleep. Doing meditation can also make you feel more relax and calm. A simple exercise in your bedroom can make you feel livelier as well. So, Mikayla i believe you can overcome your depression and anxiety!! :)

To all those out there who suffer from anxiety and depression. Just some thoughts and tips that might help: I like listening to Alan watts podcasts when I'm feeling blue, stressed out or when I need that little push or inspiration/motivation to go through what I have to do. The minimalists podcast and Alan watts, Decluttering, eating healthier and more nutritional, go for long walks in the forest, drinking more water, listening to classical music, reading books, not watching TV or news all the time, resting more and going to bed earlier + sleeping more. This helps for Me. Find what makes you calm and centered in your heart. Most people who suffer from anxiety and depression are highly sensitive. Highly sensitive people need more rest than others do and everything in our environment drains our energy since we take it all in more. Don't drink coffee or tea with caffeine in it, at all, since this will make your senses highly alert (this drains your energy even more and can most likely cause exhaustion, which again can explain the depression in some cases). Same goes for sugar and food with additives. Keep it clean, clutter free and center your body and soul. Yoga can also help.

Just found you full of curiosity of your music & soul...then I was sad to see you struggling but honestly, this is one of the most courageous and honest videos I've ever seen about anxiety & all. I can really see you fighting: You made it out, got some coffee, find the beauty in nature around you, have your book, your patreons, music and all the people checking in to see how you're doing. I hope you find a place for you to breathe and create and tap even more into that strong lady fighting that's fighting every day! Lots of hugs from Germany! 🦋

I'm communicating with you because I am also an empath like you! You have such a beautiful soul and I know these times are challenging for us. I am grateful you are on the Earth. thank you for being here!

I cant emphasize enough how much I relate and identify with you in this video.

I relate with every ounce of me. I thought having a space of my own would help too. Unfortunately for me, that only felt good for the first couple weeks... Since then, I've become too anxious to drive and binge eat since food is easier to access. There's no one in the house but me most days because I do work from home, but without the socialization.. I'm afraid things could take a turn. I hope not, I really do. With the help of my boyfriend and my family checking on me every so often, I really hope to get better. Soon.

I relate to this a lot...feeling too anxious to leave my room but at the same time living in a place where I don't feel good and confortable so I just feel anxious and depressed all the time with so little actually happy moments.. wishing you hapiness and hoping you can find a your own place

you are the sun of this world, you should shine and not be sad (

The entire part where the car was parked on the roadside, that just was so true.. Even in the midst of so much suffering and pain we do a lot crazy things which gives us fun in our ways and yes, there is seriously something magical in nature ❤️

Thank you for this. Shows us we are not alone

i wish somebody would make a how to get your lif together for severe anxiety and depression. i just dont know where to start

I can relate to the needing your own place thing for that

I can’t ever go to sleep in time bc of it at night when I try to rest my mind just goes, I don’t end up going to bed until 6 and then I wake up around 2-5 🤦🏽‍♀️

Please don't do anything to yourself! You're worth it! You are AMAZING and beautiful!

Thank you for being honest. We look up to you guys and it's important to know we are not alone and you are not alone. Also try watching welcome to the NHK, it really helped me

This video was really powerful. Could easily be a short film about the struggles of anxiety. Felt like I was watching my own life play out. The music is beautiful and fits so well. I feel for you and hope you're doing ok 🙏

I have deal with this to and at a very young age. If you deal with these types of things to, just remember that you are beatiful and you can do want to do and try your best and if something goes wrong its okay you did your best.enjoy the rest of your day. And you are do so well💖😘😁☺️

Thank you for this video. It’s very helpful in times of trouble to be reminded that i’m not the only one feeling like this. I also hope you know that it does get better. It really does and when it does you’ll be forever thankful for yourself. You are also so beautiful🥰. I hope the pain eases soon. Much love!❤️❤️

YOU’RE NOT ALONE!!!!! We’re all human and it’s perfectly okay to feel anxious sometimes. A very wise mall Santa that I met, back in 2018, once told me that “even on the cloudiest day the sun STILL shines behind those clouds meaning that no matter how dark it looks, the sun is STILL there and the joy and happiness is there for you as well”. No matter how scary or how uncomfortable things get for you, just know that everything’s going to be okay because you deserve to feel safe, loved, comforted, encouraged and for those who loved you and who really want to help u and be there for you and stay by your side either way. Whether from friends, family or anyone you trust and feel safe with. I maybe an autistic women whose probably may or may not have had a lot of panic attacks but I can honestly tell u. I’ve had anxiety attacks due to my fear of failure in school or at work and not being good enough as a person and losing my job and I’ve also struggled with anxiety and depression for quite a long time so I do understand perfectly well the feelings of worthlessness, lack of self esteem, anxiety, depression, self hatred, loneliness, feeling trapped, frustration, remorsefulness, insecurity and the feeling of wanting to get try to better yourself but always coming out as a failure. Plus having been through Covid and being forced to follow Covid safety protocols like many others, myself, has been deeply traumatizing and extremely difficult for me as well socially, mentally, physically and emotionally. The point is, your anxieties, your depression and everything mental health related DOES NOT define u for who you are, it’s what’s inside your heart and all the things we’ve accomplished in life and the kind of person u REALLY are in your heart that truly defines u for who u are. Some people are not gonna always understand what you’re going through and maybe they never will but as long as you have the people in your life who loved and cared about you or that special someone whom deeply loves u and genuinely cares about u and will do anything in the world to help u to overcome this, you’re gonna come out even stronger and more courageous than ever and before you’ll know it, you’re gonna surprise people by how far you’ve come in the end. The fact that you had the courage to make this video and open up about your inner struggles and your vulnerability REALLY MAKES U A MUCH STRONGER AND BRAVER PERSON IN MY BOOK and it say A LOT about you. Give yourself a pat on the back. U did an amazing job!! 😊😊 Stay strong, have courage, be kind to yourself, take heart and NEVER EVER give up hope because you ARE beautiful and practically perfect just the way you are in every way . ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

this video is inspiring. thank you for sharing. I feel less alone.

I have social anxiety too i feel you totally its hard to get out of my room too but we have to fight hard don't give up. After all fresh air and sunlight are living needs....

Good on you for making this video and expressing your feelings like this This gives me a good understanding about people that deal with this kind of stuff since there’s a lot of them

I'm crying I love you mikayla I just want you to be happy 😢😭I'm so sorry this is happening to you, you deserve the world

I’m three years late to this but wanted to thank you for posting your experience. I have dealt with anxiety and depression since teen years. It hasn’t gotten better with time. Also a recent incident with a co-worker purposely bringing covid to work has exasperated it. I pray you are doing well and pray I can overcome this disease that robs me of all joy in my life.

I can sense your sadness, so many things you say and do are similar to what i say and do. Your eyes look so sad and tired, i hope youre doing better. Best of wishes❤

I can understand you a little bit. I have my bedroom (I'm a student and I'm studying abroad), but I feel like I am not completely free since I live with other people. This is giving me stress, I would prefer to live alone but I can't. You have to do something to feel less depressed! You're an amazing, creative and talented girl ✨

I can relate. All we have to know is how to pick ourselves up, build ourselves up when everything seems to be broken. Look for another angle. It is hard but you can do it. We love you! I hope you don't stop with ur music. Sorry Im still in progress in improving my english.

Mikayla, thank you. I just moved into student accommodation and am having a very similar time. On top of that I have online classes so am trapped in my room even more... Even if yoi don't feel it, you are doing a healthy thing by trying coping mechanisms like journalling. Sadly, my coping mechanism aren't ad healthy...

I can relate to this. Literally spent years of my life in my room because of anxiety. Now i'm on meds for it so it's much better. Sending u love

I suffer with acute anxiety and depression and I'm also agoraphobic. So know exactly 💯 how you feel I really really do xx

Our will to survive must be stronger than our anxiety.

I related a lot to this video but that part where you said you didn’t get water or coffee from the kitchen because you were anxious about the people, I like really got that. I do that too but it’s my own family, I don’t do it always but I’ll start to dread interacting with my loved ones and if I do end up leaving my room I’ll tip toe around the house to avoid them even though they make me happy but my brain makes me think that every interaction is a mistake so I avoid it.

I had axeity and depression since I was 10.. I haven't let anyone notice that about me. Everyone use to call me the quiet kid or the kind hearted I'm selfless and think about others and what they might feel if I was to tell them what I'm going though then that would be a problem, I have lots to tell but I can't explain how I'm feeling I'm lost I'm know 14 and I still never showed anyone my secret 😓 (plus mom's forcing me to go out more so I end up with some burning tension in my lungs it hurts and it so scary I can't explain it sorry for wasting your time.

Love you Mikayla ! You have so much to give to the world.

You just do what you have to do, daily. Have a purpose. Yet I've spent half the day in bed. I was hoping to get up, but just didn't, and now I feel like I've wasted a day. When I don't eat on time, I feel ill.

I’ve felt so alone recently and like no one understands what I’m going through and this video helped me a lot, thank you for helping me feel a little less alone❤

I’m 21 and have felt like shit ever since I could remember, I genuinely cannot find joy in anything. Nothing sparks my interests & when I try something new i’m always hard on myself and then stop. I just smoke a lot & scroll to keep myself here but idk how long I can keep doing that, it’s slowly starting to not help me anymore.

I hope ur doing better. I was loooking this up. Bc.... well for a little back story. I was dealing with an addiction for 5 yrs. I just got out of rehab 7 months ago. And i feel like many things were thrown in my direction. My ex was really toxic. My mom has so many things going on n constantly leaves me with everything she cant do. I push myself to go to work. But there are days i cant get moving and then there are days i dont wanna leave my room. N everybody thinks im being selfish n lazy. But sometimes i just want to just scream n tell everyone i dont care. But i just force myself to go to work wishing one day i just never wake up

i just want you to know you're not alone and you WILL get through this

This is exactly what I was looking for and you have such a beautiful personality. Subscribed!

I was stuck in my room for 4 years. I only left a handful of times. The only thing that helped beyond meds and a therapist was exposure. If you can't do customer service try something like dog walking. Your interaction with people will be minimal and you get to hang out with dogs all day. I started with just a couple of walks and worked my way up from there. And remember any time you try is a good choice. Even if you try to go outside but can't bring yourself to it.. the endurance to keep trying is all that matters.

Omg… I have been the exact same here lately… like today, I took a nap and I woke up and I had to go pee so bad that my bladder started to hurt… & I didn’t want to go out to use the restroom because my brother ex gf who is a friend of mine now was over visiting my parents.. so I know exactly how you feel.. & for myself… I feel kind of embarrassed because I am 27… but whatever is humans are not perfect! And that is okay. Thank you for sharing this video… your not alone. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel 🤍

Light through the trees is one of my favorite things. Sometimes, just walking out the door is winning a battle that some people can never understand. It is brave and worthwhile to share your struggle with others. You are brave and worthwhile, especially when you least feel like it, yet find a way to step outside. I know how hard it can be when you feel as though you have no space for yourself, I've lived with that feeling much of my life. Find a place where you can be loud, where you can create, look for light, I promise you can find it and that it is there for you.

it’s been almost two months. i can’t even go to school anymore and people telling me no one is gonna wait for me makes me even more desperate to end it all.

I have been trapping myself in my room for almost 2 years now...too much to say, don't know where to start.

Sending you so much love. You're amazing 🌈

So sad, and on the other hand so natural, so beautiful. Your broken soul heals other souls and makes them happier. I hope you'd finally find peace yourself, sweetheart.

You have great skills, the video editing is amazing, as they say in those sci fi movies "you are more powerful than you could ever know".... We are all empty vessels sailing on a stormy sea and I have sunk more times than I can remember but here I stand. (or rather sit) Stay cool

Hey Mikayla, I'm watching this all in the way in Guyana, South America. I think that u are a beautiful and strong soul. Writing in a journal works for me. I would feel free after wards and sometimes I would look back and see what I've been through and smile that i didn't let that break me but build me. Only u can make urself happy. U r very strong and i admire that, do not let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.

Tbh i don't know what you're going thru. I've been in a place that i felt numb, stupid, sad, like extremely sad with no reason to the point that i don't want to feel anymore. But the fact that I'm the eldest of 4 made me push myself to do better. Those feelings always come back to me no matter what. I struggled and still am. I can only wish the best for you. Hang in there!!

This is a amazing video and I believe shows a bit of what some days can be like for people who suffer and I thank you for making it, and showing us who you are and its beautiful. PS night drives with the Stars good music and chill vibes are the best ever

It's crazy.. For us, just facing people within the same building can be a hurdle, or even a full blockage. People on the outside don't grasp that idea, not really wanting to leave

I stumbled upon this video because of the voice, i hope you get what you want in life because i think every one deserves to be happy. keep up the fight and smile because you have a beautiful smile and you deserve to be happy.

Sending good thoughts and wishing you all the best girl! 👏👏

Its not easy to handle depression..nobody know it and i dont tell anyone..im introvert person too..back at the day i had migraine and i cried everyday,every night..stuck in my room..too many pressure i cant handle it by myself and i dont know how to handle it..i lose control and i almost kill myself 2 times..then i manage to deal with it because of 2 reason..my mom and my gf..day by day i pray a lot (i am muslim),be a positive person..smile always..i enjoy football and gaming..and i have lots of friends..now im already ok..trust me u can do it too..love yourself and be positive 😊

Wow You went outside im proud of you for pushing yourself out there!!!!! good job

Without a morsel of a dought. One of the greatest voices in music today and and the future.

Hey mikayla, I don't know what it feels like to be in your shoes but I some people that are. And from watching your video and listening to your story, it makes me wish I was there by your side. When you feel this way you have to get out you cannot be stuck in that room when you feel this way. You need to find a way to get angry at your anxiety or depression don't be quiet about it if you want to scream scream scream as loud as you can just find and yourself to kick that door down. I know you probably heard all this before and I noticed you read a lot I see all the books in the background during your videos there's one book I like you to look into it's called your best self you can look it up on Amazon it might help you. I hope this brings you some comfort like I said I wish I was by your side lots of love best of luck be strong seeing you this why is not who you are peace out like I said I wish I can fly down there and give you the biggest hug you ever had 💘💞💗💓💝💜💛💚💖

I know how you feel, I really do.

I give you big props for trying and going out. I know exactly how that tight chest feels. Lately I’ve been getting better from that mostly I feel my energy so low that makes me wanna stay in bed all day. But it’s nice to know I’m not alone 💛 anxiety and depression are very hard to go through. But there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for sharing your video love! Hope your doing better 🙏🏽

Lots of love to you and everyone else writing here.

I can relate to anxiety and depression. I’ve had times where it’s hard to function, like where you are right now. Since you are a grown woman, I don’t understand why you can’t get on some medications that can help you get to a better place. You need to be able to work, because depending on others for support, that in itself is a depressing way to live. I don’t promote that everyone take medication, but if it gives you a better quality of life, it is worth it. It is worth it to get you to a better place in your life, where you can support yourself and pursue your dreams. Suicidal ideation is a dangerous mindset. So please Mikayla get yourself some help.

Me too girl.. me too! Anxiety meds saved my life! I didn’t wanna take medication but it’s the best thing I ever did!

Hey, don't let the depression get to you all by yourself 😢. Sometimes you need someone to gain your self confidence, to gain your hope, and stop thinking about things because there is something that you are LOOKING FORWARD. Don't worry I hope one day someone will be by your side... 😄 If you meant love I just mean FRIENDS!!! OwO

I know how you love singing... Keep on singing mikayla.

Currently going through the same thing I’ve been battling anxiety since 2020 it went away for a year but came back around March

Ur so so pretty omg

This is me. Everyday.

what a beautiful smile. keep fighting better days are coming

Darling you’ll get there your a beautiful kind hearted person don’t be afraid honey that is your home to don’t be scared of anybody

I'm a new subscriber to your channel, I'm from New Zealand and I, absolutely love this video, for many reasons, I can genuinely feel how real this is

keep in mind that you are amazing mikayla!! regards and a really big hug from PERU! 💓

hey i think we have the same life, but its ok stay strong darling🤍 I'll always be there for you no matter what😁 you're really amazing and I love your videos so so much! and also thank you so much for sharing this, I really appreciated that :)

I have extreme anxiety at the gas pump, I now hardly leave my house too.