APPEARANCE VS REALITY 

The narcissist is an emotional and mental vampire. They will suck the life right out of you.

Even when a narc apologizes, it means nothing because it's a lie and yet another means of control.

100% accurate and true Andrew.👍 They will never change and you can't help them. The sooner you get out, get educated and become aware, the sooner you begin to heal and can build a new life for yourself.🙏🌞🌻

It’s like dealing with a chameleon👺Everything is fake with a Narcissist! It’s all for show. Their lives are a facade 🥴

In REALITY the best thing about the narcissistic relationship was when it was OVER! Great video Andrew. Love seeing you so happy to be outside again. ☀️🌴🐦🌺💛

They do ruin every vacation. They ruin everything that’s good. Some are very subtle and get a lot of people on their side. People who never see behind closed doors but follow blindly.

So true! Whenever we were around his friends he was mr fun guy, the minute they left … silent treatment! So gross! I’m so happy to be away from all that .. going on 5 years but I still am haunted by the 25 years of abuse.. Thank you so much Andrew for validating us and relating on such a deep level.. you are a blessing ❤️

So true….I was so crushed by the Tower Moment. It haunted me for months how I genuinely fell for this monster. It was an early video that helped me understand I fell in-love with the potential. That Narc Fog covers only until the Fog (Mask) lifts. I’m now 8 months into healing - the Reality is clear. And although painful - this Reality feels SO SO much more comfortable and right than the Appearance! I’m truly learning to love myself, my power and surprising - the hopes for my future! Sending much gratitude & appreciation for sharing & leading us through a jungle that’s not even close to as beautiful as Costa Rica! 😄 😌 Namaste 🙏

They are cowardly quitters for sure. When the tough gets going or when they are simply bored they are so outta there. They rather drift off or rather sneak off to new places, deceive new unknowing people into their web of lies & put up a new mask than bravely try to be a decent guy. Let'em go. They have nothing we need.💫thank you

Bully and cowards…very true.

Oh, Yeah you got that right. We got married then I was like ... Who are you???

You don't know what personality you going to get & didn't know what kind of mood & get treated one minute to the next . Thank you for all your videos & everyone comments here & Hoped you all have a wonderful blessed night 🙏

Andy!!! I want to thank you again for what you do to help people like me. We won!!!! Last night I was told the new supply vanished. So who knows since when he is not in the picture. The point is, thank you for encouraging me to stay put in no contact, opening my mind and to learn how to trust my intuition and so many good things. Specially self respect. My best wishes to you.

Moved in and could not believe my eyes and ears. Wow

I've been having moments of doubt lately and stupidly thinking there was more I could've done. Thank you for reminding me that I was right all along. I am so glad that some part of me told me not to marry her and be in a much worse situation than I could've been in.

Everything you mentioned about the narcissist is 100% accurate. Thank you for explaining it previously. 🙏🏼

Your words of wisdom are helping me though my hard times thank you.

I'm still single after divorcing my narcisstic husband in 2006. My family wants to see me dating again, but now I don't trust anyone. Crazy....

Silent treatment for weeks

I worked for a small company with just myself and two narcissists and it was hell. Every day was a new way to scapegoat me while I was bending over backwards to help them. No praise, just criticism and backstabbing, subtle putdowns and eggshell walking.

Andrew (the real) we are all facing the end of 6 million years of Narc control. Culminating in Relief. (Psalms37 : 10 11 & 29) #soon

Anyone remember the first time they saw that “peak behind the curtain” and was dumbfounded? I watched the event unfold thinking, “Who ARE you?” His daughter tried to warn me. She even said, “What you see is not who he normally is.” Of course I made excuses as I believed his victim story. Uggh…I think the worst carnage is feeling like I can’t trust myself anymore. I made such a huge mistake. Don’t want to hurt like that ever again!! However…I know much more now! ❤️💪👍

You are 100% right ,they are toxic ruin people’s life’s .

Wow!!! I just had an epiphany!!! I have walked away from a 13 year relationship with a narcissist. I absolutely loved him. And yes my boundaries were crossed over and over and over, and I’m not proud of myself for allowing The abuse. It is just over the last year that I have started educating myself about narcissism and I’m strong enough now to be able to walk away. Don’t get me wrong I miss what could have been if it was a healthy relationship. Anyway I am resonating 100% with the scenario you described of the silent treatment for days even when I knew I did nothing wrong. Throughout the 13 years there has been so many times HE gave me the silent treatment, sometimes ghosting me for a week or so. And we lived together. he would just leave for work and never come back. When he did come back I was driving myself crazy to figure out what happened to make him so angry. Andrew it never dawned on me that he might have had another narcissistic supply, or dating someone or trying to start a relationship with someone and something happened within that relationship., …. that he was taking it out on me. Thank you for that insight. When you said those words I immediately had a flooding rush of emotions in my heart. So I know those words were speaking truth to my soul. Thank you for what you do Andrew, you’ve helped me so much over the last year. Namaste.

“Opening the door and being ignored for two days straight.” So true! I put up with that crap for so long, all along having no idea why. So glad I found information on narcissism prior to my divorce otherwise I would have been so devastated. I look back on my wedding and see it as a day of narcissistic supply for him. Looking at your relationship through the lens of narcissism can involve some really painful moments but it is absolutely necessary.

Thank you for this! In meditation once I heard: “Appearance is not Presence.” This message really resonated with me this morning!

❤🤟🙌💯thank you, it helps to listen to you and to read others comments! Hope everyone is safe and well. Sometimes you feel really mentally drained ! Appreciate you, it is beautiful there! 🌿🌿🌾🌱🌴🌴🌺

You're dead on. It's really hard when it's family. I feel like I will never get peace. Even going no contact is not respected.

Game Over! Absolutely! Thanks so much Andrew. I love the scenes outdoors. God bless you

This is so true, the words emotionally affected me as 80% of it resonates with me😞😞

Yes you are so true

thanks for the prayers.if you dont like whats on the menu stay home and eat a peanut 🥜 butter sandwich and a glass of cold milk 🥛 lol cook at home the night before pack up grab a blanket on your way out go on a midnight picnic for 2 wooooo la la smile for momma lol

The narcissist believe that their entitled to perpetrate any act towards another person if it serves their interests . They learn to act ; deceive ; evade ; elude the whole truth by putting on garments of deception in any roles they choose to play . PS . Keep lifting our perceptions to their VEILS OF DECEPTIONS .

My NPD girlfriend gas lit me about some rage situation she had and then blamed the whole situation on me and I got the silent treatment. When she did talk to me again she had the nerve to rage on me and say I can't believe you haven't said you are sorry yet so I said you never say your sorry every time you ruin something which happens all the time, OH man huge rage and another hang up. I also like the temper tantrum walk outs or throw me out rage fits. The whole sorry thing where I have to apology for the NPD rage fit was I think the fog clearing moment where I said I can't ride this roller coaster anymore because it's very exhausting/draining, I haven't laughed in awhile and i'm not me anymore. Even if im alone for forever I have to leave this woman because she is sucking the life out of me. My boss was a NPD evil bastard for no reason also so I was getting crapped on at work and at home just for showing up, not fair to me. When I told myself that i'm a good person and I deserve better was my wake up call. People I told myself that I need a new life journey because this isn't working so I fired my girlfriend and my job, quit them both and started a new job where my boss is great. I'm excited to see where my new found education along with my new life journey takes me, PEOPLE don't let fear keep you from positive moves or you will be stuck because there is nothing worse than a NPD relationship. I have had to do a lot of work on myself and I was surprised when the day finally came when I expressed interest in a woman after my shell shock which was totally out of the blue, I finally was ready to trust again and I turned the coroner without even knowing I did, I was rejected but I was very happy that I was open once again to letting someone in. My road to recovery with hours and hours of research/education like this channel and the desire to understand what happened to me took 15 months but I turned the page and you can do it to. Stay strong my NPD survivors because you deserve better, rock bottom was a powerful motivator for me and I hope my sliver of NPD experience inspires you and it was much much worse then this comment.

The discard was basically the end of a cliff fight for me. He could no longer keep up appearances after several narc injuries (misdemeanor, losing job, me challenging his control). I could finally breathe again. As horrible as the devil looked I finally got it to hate me. 10 days no contact 😇

Thanks for your video's, Andrew.... you have certainly put things in perspective for me and I appreciate you more than words can say 💕!!

Narcs are cowards on steroids. Their flying monkeys are stroking their ego. Oh my, don’t even mention the vacations!!! They need to find more flying monkeys there because they didn’t necessarily bring them with.

Boom. Yep. I worked with this person for almost 10 years before we started "dating". I believed he was this nice person he portrayed to everyone at work. That person never existed.

You have a great smile and love it when you laugh … enjoy the outdoors , be at peace Andrew 🦋

Preach brother!! Preach!!

Got it 👍🏻

So right ..my eyes are opening I seen all this..great lesson 💯 ..Thank you God bless you 🙏 Andrew

Thanks Andrew 😊

So true.

Hello Andy!!! From beautiful San Diego California

My god thank you im 15 months out of a 28 year relationship and I cant get over him he has moved on 6 months as far as I know he hid it from me for months so who knows anyway I am feeling very weak lately your words really hits home for me thank you

💯 You have a good heart Andrew. I agree! Don’t ever change who you are! I’m not! 💪🏼☺️

Beautiful video, Andrew. And so, so true. Love the out of doors there. Thank you! 😇🥰🙏

I am getting out and every video you do I see myself in it. I was in such depression I thank God for you and your work! I just pray I can help someone else in this life not to become entangled in this web of deception.

Another great video Andrew‼️....they indeed are nothing more than bullies & cowards....Me going no contact (before I even knew what no contact was) was the best thing I ever did for myself 🤗....Thank you Andrew for all these confirmations & support that you give so freely...Always know how appreciated you and your time are to us - it's truly priceless....Praying that God is Blessing you abundantly....sending positive love from Arizona 🙏🤲💞 🏜️

It's amazing how they can wear two masks right in front of your eyes and when around people and for a while my wife even had my parents fooled, I'd get a look of glee from her as if to say "and who's going to believe you"... That's probably one of the loneliest feelings in the world, but I'm so blessed that they can see her for what she is now. My Dad tried to contact my wife today, two messages and a phone call and he got ghosted, basically my parents want a meeting with my wife and her mum present and she's not having any of it... I learned that she cancelled my car insurance through e-mail, but kept my life insurance going! She is also heading out tomorrow to the universal credits office in person (my son told me) and also received an e-mail from them that I am now living as a single person... So to cut a long story short, I did something that I've never done before and I do feel kind of guilty, I changed the netflix password... As I said goodnight to the kids, my son told me that she is in an absolute raging mood...I'm going to hell now, but the netflix must have been something that affected her. Thanks again for another amazing video ❤

Ah, so true. My narc was a real Dapper Dan. Clothes, hair, watch, home and car had to be perfect. Much like the woman in Sleeping with the Enemy, I was made painfully aware of anything out of place and got harsh criticism for any slip ups. I was never dressed properly, and my looks and weight were never good enough. I walked on eggshells around him and his temper. Once, at dinner in a nice restaurant, as I was telling him about my day, he interrupted me and told me bluntly that I had a nose hair visible. I was so shocked I didn't speak again for the rest of the evening. Then the beatings, the destruction of my personal things and the filthy names began and never ended until I finally planned my escape and broke free. It's been nine years and I've never looked back. Your series helps me to understand better what happened to me. Thank you.

Such pretty atmosphere.

Thanks, Andrew! 👍🏼 Precisely stated! 👍🏼 🙏 🌞 🕯 🌞 🙏

I think I need a one on one with you Andrew, it’s been so difficult of everything I’ve been through (2 years) and I’m in Trauma bond. He deleted my photo of him & me today on his social media, threw me out like I’m a piece of trash, saying he couldn’t have others see & read it, but when he sends photos to me, he expects me to keep them and to applaud him for his thoughtfulness. He’s so fake. By him doing this to me today, he’s uncovering his mask - when you truly love someone, you’d keep every photo, every special moment and be proud. I’ve taken myself off social media tonight while I think this weekend of what to do, I need strength 🙏❤️

Hi Andrew! I have been doing better now, maintaining no contact w Narcissists.. I am a lot happier. I just want to say thank you for your videos! Both reassuring and educational.. thank you for being part of my healing!

Good morning ☀️.. they have split personality’s, different around partners/work/friends… ..I’m same around everyone, being 💯 real.. have a lovely weekend everyone 🙏💪🌸🌈

You are correct...every conversation is pulled back to them...the problem is how to get away from them

Hey Andrew! Congratulations on 34 K subbies 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻❤️

Andrew just has a positive chilled vibe looks like genuine self peace after trauma that's something to aim for

Oh my you nailed it Andrew, they are so miserable most of the time on most Holidays. Wow still can’t believe that he was such a beast(sorry) but that’s how I feel. . Big Hugs to you.

Spot on andrew I’m well out the fog I wouldn’t even want them in my company not for a second they have to live with ther pathetic lives so reapatative just get out thanks again for your sacrifice andrew you deserve a lot from life once your out of the fog you can see how bad they behaved but life goes on and it’s a lot better without them feeling great for once the work you put in man is amazing 🤩 and thanks for educating again 👊🏽👊🏽✌🏽😎

I would clean all day. Cook a really great meal. The kids would pick up and we would wait for him to come home. He would come into the house yelling he found a popsicle stick in the yard! Never mentioned anything I busted my butt to do. It’s been this way forever. I’ve been married for 36 years and now I found out what was wrong. I went from being a gorgeous lady now I’m totally disabled because of my back surgeries. You are so right. He made me feel I’m ugly through the whole relationship. I had a great body. He would come over to me and grab my arm trying to find fat there. Just to make me feel ugly. I could go on and on. Thank you so much for this channel. I never felt loved ever. He’ll tell me he does. But no evidence. Now I know.

💙

Good Morning Andrew, perfect Comment. 👌☀️😊 👍😊😊❣️GREETINGS

x Mr Perfect... hardly took any pictures as a couple or as a family but he's like to take pictures of the animals LOL , because he kept making excuses which became very concerning to me I did question this at the time when it was happening, he would just make himself unavailable. It did leave a huge gap as a human who had previous family pictures taken, now I have this gap of 16 years with hardly any pictures! This does make me a little bit Disturbed still. The mask, when he told me he was perfect I looked at him and I laughed in his face and I said you're very arrogant, but I'm sorry to tell you no one is perfect. He still said he was though . That did it for me oh. When we went to marriage counselling he didn't even want to go, so you're right about empaths trying to make it work and not throwing in the towel when things get rough or become unexplained. I thought if he could take a hard look at himself, and just admit that he was acting ridiculous here! But no he's mr. Perfect. When the counsellor said list the good things and the bad things about your partner he listed 21 things he didn't like about me his wife that I didn't even know about he just come out of nowhere with this crap anyways the moral of the story was after I seen these 21 insults about my person I knew we were over because you can't take back that many things about one person.😔 Andrew you are so on the ball when explaining the narcissistic behaviours. Thank you for this episode🌼

Good morning. Woke up this morning thank God for life. Kiss Jesus on his cheek and did all the thinks that I do now in the mornings. Took care of my personal things,must walk my little man name Santo. His weight is 7lbs. Came in had the time with our father. Read Acts11:9.'What God has cleansed you must not call common Once again thank you mi amino.you have helped me.so very much in this journey you see mi amino you are not common. I have come to place in my quiet time where I hear you as well, and you are speaking such life into this life that has help me to heal in the inner soul .the experience,pain,darkness,not having desire to eat or sleep,or breathe has now I saying thank you. In all travail I have found a new road without me not wanting to travel that way. Walls are coming down it is amazing at the power we have inside our being. So today more clear I can see. Hear 15%from Im very grateful for that because I have lost the hearing from the abuse that I have endured. Im so grateful for life. Taste,,Smell,, can not remember , but when I see the beauties you bless us with "Flowers can smell and hear the sound in spirit that the branch the 💐 🌹 are resting on have the strength for each time they birth. We grab that strength and say thank you. Because those beauties that you send are more than flowers. I have enjoy so much this breakfast this morning.Good food for Soul. God bless.

love you too & thank you Andrew.

I was thinking about appearences and reality today

They sink their "dirty fangs" in u" lol I hope u will end up with a woman who is pure goodness and real. U deserve nothing but the best Andrew. Beauty is..as beauty does. Namaste 🙏 ❤

Im in No Contact now for 2 years waiting for my Divorce.

Once again, excellent commentary on narcissistic ways. You have provided a powerful way to become educated about the damage narcissists can inflict and how to re-think, educate yourself, recover, and go on to become an even better version of the beautiful you. Again, Andrew, thank you for your honesty, sincerity, and generous heart. Blessings always.

Thanks Andrew! Your videos have helped me immensely to focus and stay on track! Your positive energy is far reaching! God bless you and everyone here 🙏💪✌🏼🤗

This totally my brother. I ended this battle with him 2 months ago. I'm so happy and at peace!

So sad, but so true! Thank you Andrew!❤

You are so right, and it’s so frustrating. They want to make us look crazy

Once we see through their facade it totally deflates them. The new supply will re inflate them….for a while 🙂❤️❤️❤️

Andrew, please consider a retreat in Costa Rica for your tribe ! A beautiful place surrounded by beautiful people happily healing .. 🙏

Omg...Wow..😲Yes..exactly 💯 lovely Andrew..snuggled up..feeling sorry for him..he was so nice and bought me meals..gifts so on..showing me off to friends and family..it was the ultimate fairytale...yet something very deep down inside..my soul..kept telling me something was very wrong..I didn't accept his attention fully in the first month..pulled out of the relationship a couple of times in the first 2 yrs..only to go back..the pull was too strong to resist..I obviously was already unknown to myself..very trauma bonded..he had incredible hold on me...even now..still nightmares..last one he took my phone..😕😟I need to protect my spirit..Im not completely out..but certainly on the way to investing around 95% into myself and self love..its so essential..I'm struggling even 3 yrs mostly out..near 💯out but I just have to keep getting back up as I fall..keep going somehow..and Thank you so much for another awesome video Andrew 😀👍😍bless you 🙏 and nameste 🙏😇❤💜❤

People side w/ the narcissist because they don't see what we saw...so true,then they start the smear campaign knowing sides will be taken.Like a bully kid they want to "win"at everything in any cruel way they can. Ty❤

In today's dating circle it is pretty bad...most people hide that they carry large debt...so they target people with good credit...I have been out of debt for years...praise God...I think I will keep my happy feet moving to keep out of the snare

Just wanna say, I don't know how the universe aligned itself for me to discover your channel at just the right time, but you've truly shed some light on my circumstance. Met this girl at work that had gone through an abusive relationship and bore a son out of the deal. Naturally I was hesitant on getting with her, but she seemed so interested in me and like she was just trying to get by despite her circumstances. Before I knew it I fell in love and I was fully ready to take her kid in as my own. She convinced me to start a family with her and after getting her pregnant I caught her cheating on me with her first baby daddy not even a month after we found out. I'm still flabbergasted as to how someone that I thought truly loved me could discard me in an instant, and I concomitantly feel sick to my stomach knowing I'm bringing a child into this world with somebody so heinous, but your videos have eased a lot of my bad feelings about it all and I just want to say thanks and I feel far less alone than I did. Best wishes.

If it looks too good to be true it probably is .

IN THE BEGINNING THEY PRETEND TO BE FILLET MEGNON UNTIL MUCH LATER, YOU REALIZIZED THEY WERE PIGS FEET! BLESSINGS!

So if like their starting to change because you've had that discussion on what's been going on and that you know, will it still be just an appearance, an act. Still working through this..

Thank you! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🦁☮ 8 months later and I still slip back a little bit. And think that maybe I should let them back in. Nope! Still healing. What you have to say brought tears to my eyes. Thank you! Namaste

And that what I’ve got rid of the narc

Thank you for this!!!

Yeah, my manager projects that he is nice to everyone, but will drop steady character attacks and blame-shifting behind closed doors.

THIS VIDEO is SPOT ON!

Sand Lot! The movie it’s the Best... ♥️🙏

Right on. Disturbing but accurate. I am 2 1/2 months out. His narc behavior was and still is exhausting. We have 3 kids. He uses them as supply. They make him look like a great dad. All a mask. Narcs lie, cheat, manipulate and control. Thank you for your words. PEACE.

Or, You DO want to quit a 100 times but you find yourself in that trauma bond and persevere. They also do apologize, even admit they were wrong (while diminishing the severity 🙄), but only to hoover you back in. It's disgusting. And tge us as empaths sees the inner child inside that grown person and feel sorry for them. Thank you for keeping us strong, Andrew 🙏

Thanks For The Email. ✍🇨🇦

I take advantage of them acting good in public, that’s when a ask for what they ‘narc’ refused to do or give me and the narc will surely give me what I asked ....

Love you Andrew and all the 💐

Hi Andrew - Your content and delivery so totally and completely holds my focus and my attention. I'm sure everyone here in this community feels the same. Thank you so much for the time and dedication you give to making these awesome videos. My best to you, friend.

When a Narcissist apologises they either apologise on the Victims behalf or they apologise in a generalised way never being specific as to what they're apologising for. This way they evade being accountable yet still jeep you on track. 🍒

So true Andrew..with these people what you see is not what you get that is why they move so quickly in the love bombing phase and even propose to you ..before you see their true colours and the mask slips. telling you they love you and that they want to marry you too soon is a huge red flag .

I like how you added that a narcissist doesnt try to repair a relationship they've destroyed. I think it's bc they'd actually have to invest and give back what they've already come to take. They wouldnt feel in the green in their control grab they'd be going back in the red. Something they do not do unless it's in the love bomb where they take the biggest risk bc they know you as a giver will return. I made the mistake of constantly telling her I am a giver and love giving to her. She always complimented that and acted so happy. So I gave until the very end, another mistake. So months before she wanted to end it she began to not compliment as much and not message me back as much on the compliments I gave to her. She initiated the take sequence and kept me feeling content enough to not be the one disguarding her. I feel smash and grabbed like a burglary. And definitley felt the truth in this video.🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️😥😪 In no contact for almost a month now. Bc I found out shes working at least 2 new supplies. She won't stop. Turns out she is more relentless than I always thought in the back of my mind.