Are you ACTUALLY a good ally? 

Bisexuals with different gender partners are still bisexuals and deserve full welcome at pride.

A pretty wholesome example of true allyship from my homeland, Ukraine: A straight woman named Leda Kosmachevskaya married a gay soldier (whose name she didn't reveal for privacy reasons) because if he's killed or seriously injured on the frontline his boyfriend would need a permission from the closest relative to visit him in the hospital and such. Same-sex marriage isn't legalised and the dude's parents are homophobic, so he needs a wife to be his closest relative. She published her story on "Facebook" saying that "she isn't an LGBTQ activist, but gay marriage needs to be legalised for the sake of people like her best friend". Then, she gave a bunch of interviews about the importance of same-sex marriages and domestic partnerships. Such a based woman.

I, for the most part, think allyship is an action that everyone, no matter their gender of sexual orientation can partake in.

Ally is not something you are, it's something you *do*.

I hear straight people refer to their spouses/romantic partners as their 'partner' all the time. Which I actually think is a very good thing, because it ultimately normalizes the idea that the gender of the spouse doesn't matter.

As an asexual, I usually feel the least queer during pride month, because of all the queer gatekeepers. Like bisexuals, we are often erased. “You can pass for straight, so you don’t get to use queer spaces.” Yeah, anyone can pass for straight… it’s called “being in the closet”. How many people think the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for Ally, and not asexual, aromantic, or agender? I think first and foremost, we need to be allies to each other. I’m not trans, but I hope I’m a good trans ally. I try to be. But other than keeping company with various trans people, it’s not like I can speak about the trans experience. I can repeat stuff I’ve been told, but how is that any different from a cishet person repeating what they’ve been told about the trans experience? I have seen posts by people who are both ace and trans, pointing out how most of the arguments queer gatekeepers use to try to keep asexuals out, are the same ones that TERFs use against trans people. But here’s my best argument for allowing allies into queer spaces. Lots of queer people are still forced to be in the closet. Coming out is a personal choice based on a bunch of factors, and not here to tell anyone to out themselves. But if you’re a closeted queer, and you want to visit, to start networking for when you do come out, or just to feel safe for a little while… say you’re a cishet ally, so you don’t blow your cover, and come on in. If someone wants to be an ally, but lacks the ability to do anything else, show up and claim to be an ally so that the closeted queer folk pretending to be allies have a crowd to disappear into. Learn about queer stuff. Learn all the obscure stuff like panromantic asexuals, and various non-binary genders (are you agender or gender-fluid?) and talk about them. If you see bigots talking shit about any flavor of queer, confront them. You won’t change the bigot’s mind. But, There might be someone in the audience who needs to know that not everyone will hate them if they come out. Or, there might be someone listening who never realized that asexuality was even a thing, and now armed with that info, their whole life suddenly makes sense. (I was 40 when I first learned about asexuality. Freaking blew my mind.) Cishet allies risk a lot less than queer people do, when having those kind of debates. You can’t be fired for being gay, if you legit aren’t gay, after all.

Thank you for remembering that yes, we can be bi, and married/coupled up with someone of the opposite gender. It's all about the person we meet, not their gender identification. From a bi woman in a 31 year long marriage to a man. Still bi.

I've had to defend allies at pride before and I pointed out that pride is a protest. Pride is not a safe space, it's a political event. It's a demonstration of success, a call to keep fighting, and a display of the pride we have in ourselves and our achievements. Our allies should be there. Our enemies should see it. Straight people belong in Pride. Queer people do need safe spaces where we can meet without the expectations, or questions, or stereotypes, just generally a place where we can exist without having to explain ourselves. But Pride is not that space, and never should be.

Me sitting here as a masc presenting NB who's also Ace, so whenever I go to a pride event, I just look like some dude 🙃

My bestie dressed as the Riddler to Pride. He said he was questioning ☺️🌈

This reminds me of a 1969 Playboy interview with actor and WWII veteran Lee Marvin, where he basically says it's disgusting how the police harass and arrest gay people. Now THAT'S allyship!

I'm Bisexual and Demiaroace, and my boyfriend is not LGBT, but he celebrates pride with me. There is NOTHING wrong with celebrating as an ally!

Love that point about not being the queer police. You don't get to decide what counts as queer (as an ace, so sick of being excluded) or who counts under any given label (not every trans / lesbian / bi / etc perspective looks the same! people use different language to describe themselves! don't force language on them or gatekeep them from using language they wish to)

Screw purists. Queer media is for everyone because all media is for everyone. Moreover, queer media gives non-lgbtqa+ folks a "second hand experience" of what being queer is like, and the drama will make you invested and rooting for the queer characters, so what's not to like?

As a teacher who is straight, I have a need to declare myself an ally. It is an important thing to do; not for the rainbow community but for the rest of the teenagers who NEED to know that the queer community does not stand alone. So, while most of your advice is great, I will fly my ally flag without being pre-approved. Thank you for the very important video.

As a bi woman in seemingly straight looking relationship, thank you for mentioning us ❤ I remember a story from my childhood, my uncle is gay and one of my aunts decided to tell my cousin that he's living with his 'friend'. I always knew he's living with his boyfriend, no one was hiding it from me because for my parents it was relationship like any other (and it was in early 2000s in very queerphobic country). I overheard it once that uncle said he doesn't like that she refers to them as friends, so one time when she and my cousin (who's few months younger than me, so he was around 7 years old and I was maybe 8) were talking and he said 'is uncle's friend coming?' I yelled at my aunt 'they're boyfriends, how long are you going to lie to him?!', my mum couldn't stop laughing 😂 So I assume I was a tiny ally before I got interested in other people and I aspire my kids to be like that if I'll ever have them.

I've been out for probably 15 years, so it was really weird last week when one of my aunts asked me if I was queer and even weirder when I said yes and another aunt laughed and said, "No you aren't!" The extra extra weird part was that my mom didn't stand up for me like she usually does. Suuuuuper great to learn that I'm straight tho 🤣 I guess I can have a life full of sunshine and freedom now?

I like the point you made about bisexuals that have relationships that look straight on the outside. I feel included!

I spent a good half an hour this morning telling my mum how happy I am that she's so supportive of this community. She didn't bat an eyelid when I came out to her as bisexual, partly because she knew long before I admitted it to myself and partly because it doesn't bother her who I'm attracted to because she just wants me to be happy. She went to a Pride celebration nearby yesterday that I couldn't go to because I woke up with no spoons. She got to walk in the parade and brought me back some really cute and thoughtful little gifts. I have known so many bad allies and I've had many friends over the years with straight up homophobic parents and other family members. But a lot of them over the years have called my mum "mum" instead of her actual name because my mum is amazing and so accepting. I am so continuously grateful for her. 💜

Thank you for reminding all not to forget about the bi couples that "happen to look straight." And darling, sorry you weren't feeling well while filming this video, I found you to be charmingly checkish 😉. Hope you are on the up swing and feeling better soon. Happy Pride🎉

Being an ally is a way of living your values and consistently showing up for them

I personally think that a fantastic example of a public figure not just standing by and being a passive ally but instead actively advocating for the much needed rights of particularly LQBTQIA+ children is David Tennant. I mean the man truly has a shirt in support of the trans community for everyday of the week 😂

As a bisexual individual in a “straight” relationship, thank you for acknowledging us!

Wonderful video! Yes be a good ally, we want to claim all of you!! Happy Pride!

This makes me so happy, because just today I had to perform a speech I had written to my English class, it was about trans rights. As a cis person, I was kinda worried that I oughtn't speak for trans people.. This basically confirmed that I was doing alright haha

I want to say thank you for this. I'm aroace and I was told I shouldn't go to my city's pride parade a few years ago because "pride is for members of the LGBTQ+ community" and I'm not "part of it, because asexuality is not a sexual orientation, it's a lack of sexual orientation". I know it's wrong, but I haven't been able to convince myself to go to a pride parade because what if other people in my city feel the same way.

Someone told me w/regard to being an Ally: "I don't need an Ally. Allies don't always show up when you need them. I need an Accomplice!"

"I had a labrador who ate a shoe once." Best line in the whole video 🤣

"The straight people have the money, we need the money" Yes!!! This is why i'm fine with 'corporate pride', yes they only care about money but we need their money being spend on normalising us.

Fellow queer here: on the sudden shift to partner, for me its partly i worked it into habit that it's the "default" for everyone, combined with the ADHD memory of a goldfish frequently forgetting what word the person (you in this case) used and obviously prefer so i fall back to default, like i'll remember they're queer, just not what word they used. Not sure thats whats happening in anyone else's head when they do that but its what's usually happening in mine

I have been reading and watching a lot about the world wars, and was very confused for a sec thinking this was on the allies during the war. On another note Happy pride month!

"I'm not homophobic . . . I'm an ally." Congratulations. Thank you for your service. Heartstopper. 😁

As someone who goes by she/they and is pan, ace, and aro, I think gay things like TV shows and music should be for everyone. ❤ Like you said, their themes, art, etc, can be felt, understood and embraced by everyone.

I am queer but spent a long time as a young adult (raised in a fundamentalist cult and very confused) unsure of where I fit exactly and was treated as an outsider because I didn’t understand the unwritten rules set out by the gay community. Someone once said that my questions were “creepy to be asked by a straight person” - but I had just been so relieved in the conversation to feel that I wasn’t alone for the first time. It crushed me and the fallout kept me in the closet longer. Not everyone is comfortable expressing themselves fully yet and some of those moms you speak of may never be able to come out of their closets. Being an enthusiastic ally may be the closest they come to being out themselves. They aren’t any less gay. We are all on different paths and some of us have more to lose than others. Being out as an ally and accepting others can be the first step for those who are not yet able to accept themselves. Let’s not make the bar too high. I’d love to create a world that would have made it safer for me much earlier.

I think its also important to keep in mind that even in 2024 a lot of people are still struggle with their identies, or are in situations where they can't be out. Being able to participate in pride events as an ally can be the first step on a long journey to personal discovery for a lot of people. After all, while the A isn't for ally, the Q is for queer and questioning.

9:56 Speaking of oxygen masks… Please don’t feel that you ever _have to_ do a video for us if you’re feeling exhausted. Put yourself and your health first. If you’re not well because you should’ve been resting, you may also endanger your future health and ability to create videos. We ❤️ you and will always respect your need to put your oxygen mask on first. 💕

My wife considered herself a straight ally until i came out as trans, at which point she technically became bi

Knowing that you're queer, it's pretty funny that the thumbnail looks like you're just saying "No" to all those sexualities😂 And the vintage outfit makes it more believable for people who don't know you

Sshhhh! If you tell people about the bisexuals they will know we exist! 👻💕💜💙

When it comes to pride, it's more than just how you identify cuz when you boil it down, really, it's about spreading love, kindness, and diversity whilst stomping out hatred and injustices. 😘✌🏻🫶🏻🤟🏻🌊🧜🏻‍♂️👑🌈✨️

Great video! A lot of it comes down to just treating queer people like you would anyone else doesn't it? I personally think it's nice that English has gender neutral words like partner... In French it's not as simple.

Thank you for mentioning the queer that ends up in a straight looking relationship. Just because I'm ♀️who married a ♂️ doesn't mean I'm not still poly and demi sexual/romantic.

It just occurred to me that the statement “I am an ally” is very similar to “I have a black friend.”

I used to joke that I was the A in the LGBTQIA+ community because told myself I was an ally when I was in high school, and then a few years later I realized I was ace and joked that subconsciously I knew all along. (Never really understood asexuality until about 2019 when more people started talking about it and I was like hey that’s me)

The partner thing seems more like a symptom of conditioning. Especially if it's an older person, for the longest time they wouldn't have legally been incorrect. I don't get why people can't adjust, but some people are really slow. 🤷

i've been called all sorts of slurs (sorry, but being called a lesbo doesn't offend me because lesbians don't offend me, so you lose!!!), been told i'm a pervert (lol!!! only in my own mind.), told that i'm going to hell for having lgbtqia+ friends (same people who told me i was going to hell for reading C.S. Lewis when i was in elementary school, so yeah...), etc. being an ally isn't easy, but it's worth it. happy pride month everybody!!!

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!!!

As a bi person in a straight passing relationship, I appreciate that call out. And all you do on this channel. Happy Pride everyone

Thank you for this. I try to be an ally for communities and it's always good to learn where I might misstep.

Our actions define the content of our character, not words. I've just shared this in the US. Love your channel! My wife and I really appreciate your perspectives.

Thank you so much for your always-wise counsel, Jessica. And I’m SO sorry about the motion sickness. It’s so hideous. 🎀💖🎀

The last snippet of of this reminds me of two phrases. Do what you can when you can and no one can do everything, but everyone can do something.

Thank you for remembering us bis in straight-appearing relationships! Being married to a man doesn't stop me being bi! Also, overall lovely video. I hope you recover quickly from the trip lag.

Being an ally especially means standing up for LGBTQ rights when it is not safe for the community members themselves to speak up.

1:00 I didn't come here for you to roast my mum like that, Jessica.

Aww Jess the fact that you show up half drunk ( fatigue) for us and our community, just want to give you a virtual hug 🤗 and say thanks !

As a biromantic asexual woman I was terrified to go to my first pride this year. I felt that I wasn't queer enough despite my experience growing up being anything less than heteronormative. I also felt heartbroken and that I didn't belong when I heard some people within the LGBTQ+ community say that asexuality is a mental illness-- here comments like that made me suicidal and that I was broken and unloved. However, I went to Pride with my close friend this year and had an absolutely amazing time. I felt welcomed and loved and there were plenty of allies there offering support, hugs, and encouragement to people. There were so many more resources this year for a variety of BOTH sexual identities and gender identities.

The B in LGBTQIA+ is not silent 😂

I had difficulty understanding what was said at 0:49 by the character in the doorway. Thanks for the captions, they cleared up my confusion.

Came for Jessica's delightful wisdom, stayed for pubby snuggles ❤😊

As one of the bis in a straight appearing relationship my heart melted when you called us in at the end of the video :)

Ally pro-tip: always use the same language that people use for themselves. Just like how Jessica refers to her wife instead of her partner

I had to rewind the video several times just because I was dancing to the background music. Happy Pride everyone!

The amount of times people got extremely confused and shocked at me talking about liking women because I'm in a monogamic relationship with a man for some years now... They think bisexuals can't be monogamic and have a long relationship with someone of a gender because we would miss the other gender too much or something

I am so excited that this season's bridgerton (and future) has been so queer but noone i talk to daily watches it!!!

My husband and I are a straight passing queer couple. Thank you for including us

Okay, with the 2 translucent cameras in the room you are still amazingly articulate and concise in your lesson today. YOU ARE THE GOAT! I love your videos.

I love that floral dress.

Thank you Jessica!!! ❤❤ As usual, a good one to share with rellies and friends or on FB pages when it's too hard to say this yourself. Also, have I really been watching you since before you had your puppy! When it was only Walter! 😳 Oh my goodness! 🎉 Thank you thank you thank you for all you do 🙏😊

And remember lgbtq+ people you don't get to define a different letter. Like saying ace people in a relationship with the opposite gender is straight.

As a swiftie I still love this thats how much I love your videos. Thank you for your videos as you were the first content creator that made me comfortable and confident about being a lesbian

Thanks for recognizing ace!

I call any type of "other part of you" a partner, whether it's a wife, a husband, they are a het or homo couple, etc. After this video, I'll take note of the words they use to describe their "other part of them" and use those instead. Thanks!

Calling yourself an ally is like saying you're nice. It's something that needs to be shown through your actions. If you feel the need to tell people, chances are you've probably failed at something. At most I will say I strive to be an ally to (marginalized group I don't belong to). Because I'm doing my best, and it's an ongoing process that never ends. A big part of that is also learning to listen when someone tells you that you've messed up. Don't get defensive. Take responsibility, learn, and adjust your behavior going forward.

Thank you for pointing out the need to be allies to other flavors of the rainbow, not just our own! I went no-contact with transphobic family members. (An interfaith, interracial, lesbian couple, of all things! They know better!) I'm cis. Two of my grown kids are trans (and various other parts of the rainbow, as well!)

This was so well done!! love you endlessly

9:25 "Including the bisexuals in relationships that look straight from the outside" Thank youuuuuuu💖💜💙

I certainly try. When my workplace does their "Harry Potter Day" nonsense, I wear my "Protect Trans Kids" t-shirt.

THANK YOU. This is 1000% charming and helpful. It's also useful for Allies to be in many other situations - like race, gender, and ability. ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

Excellent video on what it means to be an ally, Jessica! Clear and clever!

This is so helpful! I'm unsure if I'm part of the community (I think I'm ace and I've heard a lotta discourse about ace people being included, i dont really know if I'm even ace) but if I'm not, I hope I can be a proper ally! Thanks Jessica!

I wish my family were Allys. I've been out as Aroace for a year and 5 months and they've offered me no support or progression at all. To them, the A's don't need Allyship 😢

What I take from this is that saying you're an ally is like saying you're a nice person: it's for you to say if you're TRYING to be a nice person, it's for OTHERS to say whether or not you are.

1:10 This is the only "ur mom" joke that actually stung... -_- She's really trying, though. I love her.

Helpful and insightful as always. Thank you 🙂

The oxygen mask comparison really hit home for me because I am often not mentally well enough to fight for myself these days, let alone anything else, so the reminder was needed. Happy Pride month everyone! Stay safe and well! I wish you all the best of luck on your life journeys!

😮 8:39 People do that?!!! See, that's where I think I am a bad ally. I don't know stuff like that... so, I can't act against that. I also don't learn constantly. Especially the history. First I was to busy working. Now my brain is hardly remembering to eat or drink. And YES both feel like lame excuses. I got a gay aunt and a gay uncle and with my uncle ...I knew kinda soon. But not when I was little. Like 5 or so. Also, I did not get any education on this from my home. It just one day came to be, that they said: "Oh no.. your aunt just married him for the green card, silly.😂 She is into women." And I was like:"Well thanks for letting me know!! 😮 I was so confused by why people wouldn't talk about it, when they did not seem to have an issue with it. Something felt off. So...I try to be an ally. No way anyone could talk trash in hearing range of my ears and not get something to hear from me. But also...I don't actively do much, I think. Well, I did help the netflix queer section to some views😅 Btw, my aunt never spoke about it herself. Which made it weird for me too, cos I got the feeling...she is still ashamed about it. But how could that be, if her/our family was soooo okay with it??! Get what I mean? I asked her a couple years back. And she said, she didn't feel like there was a need to talk about it. But she also said, it isn't easy being gay in that town she was born and still lives. I felt huge admiration for her, having the strength to get through it. But still today... There are funny (as in violent homophobic) characters in that town. She couldn't take a walk with her girlfriend even if she had one. 😢

Thank you for speaking so thouroughly about this.

I’m so thankful for the content you share! It’s educational and entertaining🥰

Nothing makes me so sad when I rock up to queer events and there's no ace rep. Hurts every time. This kind of exclusion is why I thought I was straight for 30 years.. A MEANS ACE NOT ALLY AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Happy pride month! I'm a pan, agender person, and my boyfriend is a bi, cis man.

I'm non binary, but I often pass as a girl and my partner is male... If anyone is restricting my partecipation to pride events they're no better to bigots who harass you for using the bathroom.

The only time I could see myself saying the exact phrase "I'm an ally" is if someone needs to know if they are safe with me.

Thanks - very helpful! I will do my best to keep doing my best.

Thank you for including aces! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

I’m intersex because I was born that way. I present myself as androgynous. People who are like, “I support homosexuality, however there’s only male or female” need to do some research. Everyone is valid.

....and that is why I am here. Learning never stops and all the different angles opinions and ways how to become a better and meaningful support. Big hugs from Germany

Thank you for helping me be a better person.

Great video!

love this soooo much