I find this “disabled enough” thing ridiculous. I was born with an arm missing and have had to have many surgeries on my other hand. It doesn’t affect my life physically, I can do everything I want, but strangers are constantly deciding for me how disabled I am. I find it so interesting that you have the opposite. Would be so interesting to compare our stories, they sound oddly similar but just the other way round!
I've actually been thinking a lot on this issue recently, sparked mainly by the fact that I take the bus to work every day. This might seem a little bit odd, but the struggle I have is that I can't stand for very long without getting dizzy or shaky, or sweating a lot and feeling awful due to my condition. But, saying this, because I *look* completely abled-bodied (and usually fancy because I love makeup and dressing well) and as I have no external indicator of my illnesses, I feel deeply uncomfortable asking for a seat despite knowing I cannot easily stand for a trip. I even feel guilty carrying a cane because of some of the horrible looks or things older people say. I still find myself bearing it, and because I am too shy to say anything, getting to work an exhausted wreck. Despite all this, I don't know if I am "bad enough" in my illness to claim ownership of the "disabled" label; complicating things is that I don't have my family's understanding or support in this matter as I was only diagnosed within the last few years (despite suffering my entire life) and they still see me as someone fit and healthy, and when I try and explain myself, I'm called lazy instead. My condition is also exceedingly rare, so most doctors don't know much about it either so I have very little medical help or support. Even though I don't think I am "disabled enough" I frequently do need a way of communicating my limitations to others without imparting all the (personal) details of my conditions... I wish there was a starter pack for chronic illness, which shows you how to self advocate and how to accept your own disability and work it into your life without sacrificing who you are. I feel that because we've always been fed only (1) idea of what disabled "looks like", self accepting anything deviating from this--and so expecting others to accept as well--is far harder than it should be. Idk, sorry for the ramble Jessica, I love your videos and they brighten my day ❤💜💙💚💛
Raðni Neilsson you definitely have a disability. You have symptoms of a condition that cause problems on a day to day basis. Please pleeeeeease have a cane or walking stick if you need one. It took me a year before I felt comfortable using one. I used to feel super self conscious and like older people would comment, however generally they dont comment in a nasty way and most people wont even notice. Please please use a walking aid if you need to. And please ask for a seat if you need one. Its a couple of seconds discomfort rather than several hours of feeling ill afterwards
I know how you feel, I don't get ill but I have joint problems so if I don't sit the vibrations from the bus will make my joints worse which makes it really hard for me to stand or walk but everyone looks at me weirdly if I sit in the chairs that you flip down like in the disabled "section" I guess
Raðni Neilsson Carry a cane. I need to sometimes (I ride public transit daily). I also work at a rehab clinic and practioners recommend it as a good visual cue for everyone around u that u need a little space and likely a seat. It can also be helpful to lean on if feeling dizzy etc. ✌💖
I agree use some sort of cane. I get dizzy too and I ended up breaking my foot this year at a shop due to it. Then because of pride and refusing to use a cane the pain I passed out and broke ribs. Not fun. They have collapsed canes so you could carry it in a bag on on bad days whip it out. As for nay sayers, look them in the eye and say you have health issues and it is non of their bees wax. They don’t know you and they don’t have the right to judge. Give yourself the love and respect you give to others. You deserve it.
I used to be like you, honestly no more if I need a seat I take it, ignore looks from others I doubt anyone will say anything if they do you simply tell them that you fit the criteria for a seat, that’s it no more, no more divulging medical information to strangers. We have to stand up for ourselves no one else will!
I get "But you dont look disabled" or "you're so young to have fibromyalgia!" Or "you're so young to be disabled!" Comments ALL THE TIME and it gets so frustrating. But I've found it much easier to reply with "yeah. Fibromyalgia is an invisible disability and can affect people of all ages. Is how it is and thats ok" rather than get super defensive or negative. I also use the "technical description/definition" of disability. Because I DO have a disability and I DO fit the description I find sometimes those of us with "invisible disabilities" tend to be put into a weird category where you're "too sick to be normal" but also "too healthy/functioning to be disabled" WHICH IS UTTER TOSH
lanebreakerRBH. My fave line is, "If you would just lose some weight, you wouldn't fall so much or be in so much pain." My reply, "Uhm...if I didn't have a crushed vertebra, 3 ruptured discs, nerve damage, arthritis in my knees-shoulders-spine-hips, scoliosis, pinched nerves in my neck, sciatica issues, peripheral neuropathy and severe bipolar disorder, I wouldn't be in so much pain, would be able to move more without falling and not be on meds that cause me to gain weight. Anything else stupid you'd like to say to me without knowing my circumstances?"
I have chronic pain, anxiety, depression and fatigue. I've been refused diagnoses/help due to my age and "how pretty I am"... I had a "doctor" look at my feet and tell me I'm perfectly healthy, when I show pretty much all the symptoms to lupus! Multiple doctors have told me I could have something, then asked my age (22), and said nevermind, you're too young! 😡
I get the same thing! I’m 24 and was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19. During the early days of my diagnosis, I sometimes used a wheelchair because I was in pain and my legs just didn’t want to support me. I’d be out with my family and get all of these judging looks. These days I’m doing better, but I still use a cane sometimes to help my balance. “Am I disabled enough?” It’s a question that has often gone through my head. Jessica is so right, though. WE are the ones who get to decide that. I also think that being open and honest about my disability is something I want to focus on. I’m hoping that maybe I can help to show others that disabilities don’t all look the same
This is something I often come up against. I'm autistic, I was born legally blind (patching and coke bottle glasses fixed it .. was deemed sighted by the time I was 5 or 6 but my eye doctor is saying it's going away again now. So will probably be legally blind again by 50), and I have PTSD (of the complex variety). And people look at me and because I can mask my Autism for short periods of time I get told I'm not disabled enough to use the word. And it stings. And it leaves you in a constant existential quandary. But this was a video I needed to watch, Jessica. Thank you.
I'm schizophrenic, so I get the "you don't look ill" shit too. Like autism most people are only familiar with the worst case scenario, so to see a seemingly normal person its like "oh they can't be sick because they don't do -insert obscure symptom/behaviour". I mean on meds most schizophrenic people don't hallucinate or have strong delusions. But there is sensory issues and cognitive decline as well as the side effect of meds (spastic movements, facial tics, fatigue). Just because I seem ok in the store line up doesn't mean I will be fine in 5-10 minutes even or that I wasn't freaking out before I got to the store.
I think I’m going to make a video about the disabled thing. I have PTSD and depression and am technically considered disabled (mainly because of my PTSD) but I don’t use the word because I just feel there are people who have it so much worse than me ya know? But you’re totally right: anyone who is disabled whether it be mentally (like with PTSD like myself) or physically we need to stick up for each other. I’ve been inspired. Definitely going to make this video about my own experience.
I love your advocacy for the disabled. As a disabled woman myself, I look up to you so much because of your positivity, your outlook on life, and because of how you approach each obstacle. It truly helps me get through my days and helps me not sink into a depression when I have a "bad day" with my disability. Also, Rikki Poynter is just awesome, so it made me incredibly happy to see her mentioned. Jessica, thank you for everything you do for the disabled community and for people in general. The world needs more people like you.
I loathe how society seems to pin us disabled individuals against each other when we all should be coming together to support one another. There will always be someone worse off then you, but that does not diminish your struggle and pain. I have actually come to a point where I am a little bias, if you are disabled, I feel like you and I have an instant connection. And I will do anything for you my friend.
I've been invalidated of my disability from lots of doctors saying that my pain was just "in my head". Now I'm finally getting treatment for my chronic pain and scoliosis and depression and I'm so happy to get validation for it. I love all your videos so much and this video made me feel better about speaking out when I need certain things to accomodate for my disabilities. Thank you so much Jessica
Gen Babbles I've also had chronic pain for years and doctors said it was in my head. This year doctors are finally saying my scoliosis is causing me so much pain. I pray you get relief!
On the topic of "not being disabled enough" - I am a disabled person, and some days I look more able bodied than others. Since starting university, I realised that when I park in a blue badge space, I get a lot of glares (and sometimes comments) from, of all people, other disabled students! I'm used to comments and confrontation when parking in blue badge spaces, but I'd hoped that other people with disabilities would be more supportive and understanding of each other... Not all disabilities are visible, after all x
I've always found doing my hair and make-up motives me to complete tasks. Like a uniform, I feel properly attired for the task at hand. Even when I have a day off and I'm lounging around it makes me want to get the cleaning done, it makes me want to sit by the window with a cup of tea and read a good book. It's amazing what good attire does to your mood and motivation. it helps with focus and attitude and it's freakin _fun_ dressing up.
Lavinia de Mortalium when I do make up I call it “putting on my human face” because it really helps me get past my anxiety about leaving the house and helps me feel like an actual human
I agree totally with you! I’m disabled and pansexual and I find that hierarchy in both communities, are you disabled enough or gay enough?? It makes no sense to me so I’m very thankful that you speak out I’m going to start speaking out more on my channel you inspire me so much to do that xx your doggies are so cute give them a cuddle from me
Oh Lord I struggle with are you gay enough and are you trans enough every day. It's why I just say queer instead of specifying, it saves the questions.
I love hearing you speak about what you consider the definition of disabled. I think there are plenty of people who don’t receive treatment because they believe they don’t deserve it. Keep spreading your amazing messages! xoxo
The whole "you don't need to wear makeup" thing always makes me wonder if those who say that tell other people that, yes, they DO need to wear makeup. I'm not very pretty and I go without makeup all the time. I enjoy wearing it when I do, but sometimes I simply don't have it in me that day. I'm sure someone out there thinks I need to have it on. It's frustrating.
I used to think about that kind of stuff too. Then one day it dawned on me, the plain and simple fact is no matter what I do, and I do mean every single choice I make, there will ALWAYS be at least one person out there who isn't going to like it. Since it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to make a choice that will please everyone, I don't see much point in trying. The only person I am guaranteed to be able to make happy all the time is me, so that's what I'll do. Instead of perpetually failing to make others happy, I succeed in making myself happy, and with some luck, other people, too. So long as my choices aren't harmful to myself or to others, it's no longer my concern what other people think I should or shouldn't be doing, because they aren't me. I let a massive weight fall off my shoulders that day and I can't tell you how much happier I have been for it.
I feel like I should mention that I had heard people telling me I shouldn't care, that it doesn't matter and to be happy within myself, I'm beautiful on the inside, etc, for..well, all my life I suppose. But I still wasn't able to shake those worries and doubts because I wasn't thinking about it in a way that made much argument otherwise in my head. It wasn't until I realized the true impossibility of it that I was able to change my thought process. I finally saw it in a way that made it completely clear why it wasn't serving me. Excuse the odd time gap between comments, I watched the video in between. 😂
Thank you so much for this video! As someone whose disability is mental (I have Bipolar Disorder) I have often encountered the attitude that I'm not disabled enough or not REALLY disabled- especially since many people with the same diagnosis as me are able to support themselves in a way I'm not currently able to. People have said things like, "The thing that seems crazy to me is that you live with your parents, rent-free" as if I have a viable alternative. I'm not able to work and thus not able to earn the income to pay rent. If I didn't live with my parents, I would be living on someone else's couch or I would be homeless. (This isn't to say that I am not incredibly lucky and grateful to have parents who have both the means and understanding to support me. I absolutely am.) But some friends, acquaintances, and even family members don't seem to actually believe that when I say I'm not able to do something, it's actually true. It's like their attitude is that, if I really wanted to, I could do more. The thing is that I have repeatedly tried to force myself to do things I or others felt like I "should" be able to do, like moving to go to college out of state and getting a retail job. I was able to make the leap to start these things, but it wasn't ever sustainable. After a few months I would have, essentially, a catastrophic nervous breakdown that ends with my progress set back further than if I hadn't tried to force myself into situations I couldn't handle. Despite this ample evidence that I should take things slower and move at a sustainable pace (and the validation of this fact by my pyschiatrist, psychologist, immediate family, and close friends) it has still taken me a long time to feel like I'm really "allowed" to consider myself disabled. To me, the term "disabled" is like a validation that my limitations are caused by my illness, rather than my failings of character (like that I'm lazy or stupid or something).
It sucks that people feel they can comment on what they think other people should or shouldn't do, even if they're framing it as 'positive'. I think you rock the style you wear because it clearly makes you really happy and that shines through, and that's part of what makes you so beautiful!
This video means so much to me. I never felt I could consider myself disabled before I started watching you. You’ve really opened my eyes to the fact it’s okay to ask for help if I need it. Thank you!
Hi Jessica, Ik you probably won't see this but I just wanted to thank you for the absolute solace you have provided me over the past couple of weeks! I'm 17 and had to drop out of sixth form recently due to mental illness (along with some associated physical illness) and have been absolutely beating myself up about it! Unfortunately with mental illness it's very rarely visible, and it can be hard on the mentally ill person as we're left constantly doubting whether we're *actually* Ill. Anyways, I'll stop talking about myself and just say thanks again! Your vlogs and videos validate my feelings and need to take more time, I also used your video about spoon theory to help communicate my feelings with my friends and parents! So thank you for sharing that theory, as now my parents often ask 'do you have enough spoons for this?' Whereas before they found it hard to talk about my energy or mental capacity for the day! Thank you thank you thank you!
Hello there, I know this is so many years in the future but I'm in the exact same situation, just across the world in Canada. I wonder how you're doing now? It's hard to have hope for the future when things like this happen. I hope you are doing well!
hey i just wanted to say that i'm deaf myself + you're the first deaf youtuber i've seen!! you've made me so happy with your videos + it makes me so proud to be disabled to see you be so amazing on here
amylinda Hi! I'm deaf too 😊 I know other youtubers that are too, but they are French (cause I'm French too😂) : Monsieur Lucas Wild, Titi et Lulu, Melanie Deaf, Made in Dhafer... They talk /sign in French and French sign language, but sometimes there are English subtitles. And Monsieur Lucas Wild did a video a while ago about deaf RU-vidrs, there was some English speaking ones if I remember well!
Thank you so much for this!! I have ptsd and there are a lot of class mates and even teachers who are very angry that I have an IEP and have ya know rights as a disabled person because I’m not physically disabled. Is the worst. But this really boots my self esteem thank you.
I find that PIP/DWP dont help with the "you're not disabled enough" issue that seems to be a thing. According to them I'm "not disabled enough" to get any support. Despite getting a blue badge, access to work support, needing a wheelchair and crutches plus having debilitating fatigue and pain daily. Its ridiculous how broken the PIP assessment is and how badly it adds to the "not being disabled enough" stigma
I agree! Disabilities are ALL rubbish. There is no point in trying to work out if your disability is worse or better than mine. When I was a teenager with ME/CFS I didn’t even realise my medical condition/chronic illness could be classed as a disability. I even asked to use some of the facilities at school and they said I couldn’t use that room because it was for the children with disabilities. If I’d been given more access I probably would have been able to go to school a lot more and get a lot more GCSEs for them! I mentioned this briefly in my 14 lessons learnt video recently. Your hair looks fabulous in this Jessie. 😍
Jeez it's like somebody was trying to go "by the book" by *only* letting those labeled disabled use the facilities (which you would of fit in). But, anyone having a hard time should be able to also use the same facilities. Like when someone has an accident and temporarily has to have a cast and crutches, I'm sure accommodations are made. But sadly when someone is suffering from something that is invisible or not physically apparent, the same should apply but doesn't.
My Grandpa was disabled since his childhood, and so I had the opportunity to learn, respect, and see the reality of a disability since I was a child... My grandpa was such a strong and inspirational person to me. My grandma always says my personality and traits are just like him! ⛄
When you say "it's just the way I like to dress" the way you said it... Oh my gosh. I SO relate to that it's ridiculous. Maybe I don't dress as fun or quirky or as fashionably as others who dress out of the norm/differently, but I'm particular. I HATE tight clothing. I try to make that "work" by having a slightly more form fitting top on, but my trousers are always like 3 sizes too big and high waisted intentionally. I love it. It's for ME.
I have a mental disability, and even though ADHD is so common, being officially diagnosed as an adult was so freeing and a hugely vindicating thing for me. It was amazing to have a "real" explanation for why I've struggled with all these symptoms, and it's not because I'm stupid, or lazy, or "just not living up to my potential. Being finally labeled as having a disability actually HELPED me, I could get the tools I need to succeed, rather than it being one more thing dragging me down, it's become a very positive thing in my life. Thank you Jessica, this is a very timely reminder :) ❄️📯❄️
As I am struggling rn with the combination of ADHD and recurrent depressive disorder/bipolar2 with seasonal disorder as well without any energy to do..anything? basically, that video helped me a lot. Because I always feel like that my conditions are "bad enough" for me to do so bad at uni, to having to go home early or not go out at all etc...Thank you.
You guys-- to make something resembling mozzarella for pizza: Whisk tapioca starch in milk of choice, -I use almond/cashew, or coconut. At some stage a few minutes in, it will be gooey and stringy. Add inactive yeast, pizza herbs and enjoy.
I really resonated with this video thank you SO much for making it!!! Most of my disabilities are mental (though they kind of cross over and cause physical issues sometimes) and not many people take it seriously since they can’t physically see the problem. So THANK YOU. I hope so many people watch this and realize that not every disability just sits on the surface. Your voice will be heard and I’m thankful for it!! Also happy holidays from the States! ❤️🎄
Yes, lovely lovely video. I hate the whole "you're not disabled enough" fight that's going on. It's stupid, and we're putting each other down when we should be building each other up.
About the clothing: "People always comment on your clothes" Dude... I have PURPLE HAIR I don't think my polkadot dress is making that much of a difference lol 👗
Thank you so much for talking about this Jessica! I’ve actually been dealing with this a lot lately. I have several ailments, some diagnosed some not, all of them impact my life in various ways. Even with diagnoses, I have struggled with doctors to define the term disabled. I have very limited energy, and have to “ration” my time each day. It’s frustrating to talk to a Doctor who is shocked that I am not receiving any disability benefits, and then continues to say they’re not sure how I would qualify. Very confusing. Thank you for sharing this dialogue about how there is no hierarchy of who is more or less disabled and that we should all have the confidence to know our own health and respect it.
I am going to be evaluated for government disability in two weeks and I'm so concerned they will deem me not disabled enough. They're notorious for rejecting on the first AND second times, making you go to a judge on the third eval, with the entire process taking three years, as a normal! Hair looks lovely. Love your style. Didn't even know reproduction dresses were a thing! Lol. I must have been absent when God was handing out girlie genes, as I'm terrible with fashion, hair, and makeup. But I love watching tutorial videos. Lol. Normal is being your own personality and showing it off in whatever way you're comfortable. I love that you promote this thought on your channel. I'm so comfortable in jeans and sweaters but would be so uncomfortable in a dress, so I get it. You and Claudia are shining lights and I really enjoy watching you. I found you for ASL, and have enjoyed everything you put out. I find I have similar ideas as you. Youre doing a beautiful job. Yep, total girlfriend here😍Merry Christmas girls!
Good luck! I heard the same thing that it could take 2 or 3 times, maybe more, until I'd be approved for disability. However, I was able to get approved after my first hearing, so it can happen the first time! I had a lawyer and he really helped gathering all the documents and things we needed for me case. I'm not sure what your disability is but mine is fibromyalgia and I only had that and mild depression and anxiety to work with which felt like not that much.Really as far as United States social services are concerned, if you have medical records, doctor appointments and some tests ruling then that should be all the documentation you need.
Watery Star ...thank you for that! I am meeting my lawyer for first time in two weeks. They say will help with paperwork which I'm grateful for. I have a crap load of issues, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Dysautonomia and Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, to name a few. Those in my EDS support group have taken three years to get theirs. I do have everything well documented so fingers crossed. 🤗
Sarah Camley ...thank you so much, Sarah! I will take all the prayers and positive thoughts I can get. I'm weirdly excited because today I got the paperwork from the lawyer they want me to fill out before I see them for the first time, which is next week. I know it's going to be a total pita to fill out, but I feel like doing so for professionals to review, gives me confidence that I'm in the right step. So that's the spoonie chore for the week, filling out paperwork. 😨
I have a mental illness that interferes with my everyday life, and I refer to it (mainly in my head) as me having a “debilitating”illness, rather than being “disabled”. I don’t want to impede on someone else’s space. Because my illness is rather “common”, I feel like it’s just not my place to label myself as “disabled”.
this is so important to me. I want to 'own' the word disabled, because my depression, anxiety, and other stuff really do make a lot of things difficult/impossible. I miss so much school and so many social activities and because depression and anxiety are so common, they're seen as less serious, even expected. It'll probably take a while to be confident enough to call myself disabled, but it's weird how freeing it seems. The idea that yes, I am barred from an 'able' life and that I can get the support I need for it, especially as with mental illness you can constantly feel and get told that you're faking (I know that applies to more physical disabilities but I think there's definitely a specific stigma associated with mental illnesses. Idk how to describe it). Like, I don't think I suffer from chronic fatigue the way you describe it, but I am constantly, debilitatingly tired. When it gets really bad, I wish I could ask for a priority seat on public transport because standing is so incredibly draining, but seeing as I look young and able bodied I doubt it'd be met well with whoever's sitting there. Plus, saying 'I'm tired' makes it seem like i'm just... tired, but it's more than that. I'll sleep for upwards of 16 hours just for no reason, and 'i can't get up in the mornings, im not a morning person' isn't funny anymore because it's so often literally true. But people don't hear that when I say I'm tired, they just hear 'lazy entitled teenager'. Plus how do I know the person already sitting there doesn't have an invisible disability? I'm lucky that often I can 'push through' the tiredness for a short period of time (my train journey is like, 5 minutes) so I don't want to deny that seating to people who need it more than me, even if it's difficult. Aaaarhgh everything's so confusing.
Your channel inspires me so much! I've had very very bad hearing ever since i was a baby, so as a kid I used to sign a lot, and even though I don't speak English sign language there's quite a few signs I recognise and it makes me less "alone" with it when I see you so open about your deafness!
"Being Disabled Enough" Is a big thing for me. I AM one of those people whose conditions are very mild and easily treated with only a few different medications with mild side effects. It SUCKS!! I'm always fighting with my own mind that I deserve the help I'm given and that I have a right to speak up. I've cried myself into a stupor more than once over the frustration that I'm looked at by doctors and strangers as someone who is blowing things out of proportion and that I should consider myself lucky that I have it so easy.
Be thankful that it is mild and treatable but don't be hard on yourself. You still have to watch what you do, don't you? You still need to manage your health in a way that others may not. I hope you have someone to talk to that understands but if not the people here have shown to be supportive. *Gentle hugs*
Same! I’ve been struggling with this recently. It’s easy to call myself chronically ill but it feels so ~*DRAMATIC*~ to call myself disabled. But am I able bodied? Um, no. I cannot do many things that people without chronic illnesses do. And I’m coming to realize that thinking of myself as a highly-functioning disabled person feels so much more positive than thinking of myself as a chronically ill person. I feel like one puts the emphasis on what I can do, and the other puts the emphasis on what I can’t do. Focusing on what I can do despite my health makes me feel powerful. Focusing on what I can’t makes me feel weak.
I think it’s complicated in the US because a lot of people associate “disabled” with certain legal qualifiers, like having a disabled parking pass or using an assistive device. But in some states that bar is quite high - in mine you have to be able to walk less than 200 feet unassisted. That’s barely anything. But what if I can’t walk more than 1000 feet without resting? Does that mean I’m not disabled? Hardly! I ran into this over the summer at a music festival. They wouldn’t let me into the disabled seating area because I didn’t LOOK like I needed it. Instead I had to stand most of the day and then literally hobbled back to my car - and pretty much just stayed in bed for the next few days. It was really disheartening because it really sent home the message that in the eyes of a lot of people, I don’t deserve to do fun things like “normal” people do, if I can’t do them without assistance. It seems trivial sometimes but it’s still difficult to deal with.
I wear makeup for enjoyment and I also wear it to hide how bad I feel. Bright lipstick cheers me up and covers my blue lips. I struggle to admit I am disabled. This topic really resonated with me. The meh thing hit home. You get me thinking and opened a thought that though I am not as bad as others struggling but I need to be kinder to my struggle. I love watching your interaction with your beautiful wife, reminds me of my husband and my talking about food and things we want to try. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are reaching more people than you know. Many don’t comment, I hope they do in the future. Your are making a difference one video at. Time.
I have a dress pattern like this dress, so thank you for the fabric inspiration 🌻 Ps: I am one of those people who when I see someone similarly *impeccably* dressed, I do say to them "I love your dress/outfit!" (then I quickly make my shy person exit) though yes, now that you bring it to light that more than one person will do it every time you leave the house, I completely get that it would be exhausting.
I’m Autistic and I cannot quite handle certain situations sometimes. Many people don’t think I count as a “disabled person”. Especially in school and sometimes even the workplace. Obviously I want to try to do my best to get past my disability and try new things, but sometimes I just can’t. :/
That's a shame. I hope you can work it out with your school and work so that things are easier for you. Try not to let the opinions of everyone else get to you. Just do what you can.
I remember the show Jessica refers to, it was called "Britain's missing top model" and was about selecting a winner from amongst a group of young disabled women for a contract with a top fashion modelling agency. The trouble was, the whole way the contest was setup was pretty much guaranteed to lead to questions of "is she disabled enough?" Out of the final 2 contestants, the lady who won was missing a hand and said she didn't think of herself as disabled. The lady who came second was a paraplegic wheelchair user. One of the contestants was deaf, so obviously in a modelling contest that was all about visual looks, there were complaints that "you can't tell she's disabled." People argued that the whole point was, supposedly, to find a model who could (visually) represent disabled people in the industry - ie you could look at a marketing image or a catwalk and say "oh, a disabled model." I'm not trying to adjudicate or give my opinion on any of these arguments. Just saying that the whole setup was just a mess and whoever conceived it either didn't realise or didn't care that it was bound to lead to "who is disabled enough?" arguments both within and outside the show.
I was just sobbing to my boyfriend about the whole disabled topic. I never used to even notice my scoliosis, but now at 25 I’m in more pain than ever and it’s obvious in tighter clothing. I’m plagued with the feeling that people think I’m faking it because I wasn’t always this way. The timing is impeccable and I appreciate this video so much. Thank you, Jessica!
This seriously couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been really struggling with my “neuro-diversity” (kinda love that term) this semester, and really struggling with the fact that both my physical and mental disabilities aren’t immediately visible to other people. I remember almost 2 years after my car accident (I was hit by a truck while standing outside of my vehicle on the side of the freeway almost 10 years ago now, and I was in physiotherapy for 4 years after because I magically didn’t break any bones so I instead had a lot of muscle damage over about 80% of my body), I was in a full-time physio program. We had a team - physio, occupational therapist, trainer, doctor, counsellor, you name it, and it was basically a full-time job, we were there for 8 hours a day. But I vividly remember being made to feel like I didn’t belong by both the staff and the other people in the program because I had no scars, I’d needed no surgeries, I hadn’t broken anything, so visibly there didn’t seem to be much wrong with me? Except I was still in a lot of pain, and was physically unable to do a lot of the things I wanted to (like sit and play piano for more than 10 mins, or stand at a counter, or sit at my desk, or any number of basic things). And I was constantly judged for seemingly, according to these people, not being disabled enough. So thank you for this. Your channel has meant so much to me in the last several weeks, and I just really want to thank you for being such an inspiration and for showing the world that disability doesn’t have to be a negative. ❤️
This video made me hold my tears back. I'm in Brasil, and by law, I'm disable, but I don't "look" or "act" like it, because first I have a degenerative disc disease (that it's quite common, but not on 19 year olds that get so severe they need to get on opioids and later on morphine twice a day at 22), so unless you have a MRI in your eyes to see my spine or you have the magical ability to see excruciating pain and/or loss of sensibility and/or loss of strength, you cannot tell, and second of that I'm a girly girl, and when you live years of pain 24x7, you do what you can to make yourself get through the day, mine being make up and on good days (or bad days that I know I can be seated the whole time) even heels, that I LOVE. Generally I deal okay with it, with the jokes, with the insensitivity but in the last two weeks my dysautonomia are acting up really badly and I was put on heart medication, which has been given me bad nausea; so I'm in pain, out of breath, taquicardic, felling like I'm going to faint every single move I take 🎵 can't eat and I'm always nauseated but Christmas is right around the corner and I'm getting ready to my marriage in a couple months, so I don't have the luxury of being home this days, then for the first time ever I use the preferential line in stores, because it's this or don't get what I need. But employees and other customers are being so rude and mean, and whispering and nasty looks... that makes me feel I don't have a right to be at that place/at this world, cuz I'm not the right type of able bodied person but I'm not the right kind of disable person either, you know? So thanks for this video, it gave me a little bit of a sparkle, and sorry for the rambling.
I hate the "worse off game" People who say that as their disability is more severe than someone else, that person has no right to call themselves disabled/be upset/be in pain (yes that last one is real, I've had it happen to me!) Surely we should all be supporting each other.
I think the way media portrays disability perpetuates the problem. So when people encounter those who are disabled in real life, and it doesn't match up with what they've seen represented in the media, they don't realize how big of an umbrella the word disabled covers and say some pretty insensitive things. I don't think people understand the hurt and insecurity that occurs when you try to invalidate someone. THANK YOU JESSICA FOR THIS CHANNEL AND FOR BEING UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU.
This meant a lot to me. I have numerous conditions, included a herniated disc, bad knees, autoimmune diabetes, depression, anxiety and personality disorders, but because I went through a lot of my life undiagnosed with most of it I never quite felt like I had the right to call myself disabled. I didn't recognize these things as disabilities. I didn't recognize that even though I sometimes couldn't walk, sit or lie down from the immense nerve pain of having my spinal nerves agitated, or that I struggle with the inability to kneel properly/often because it near cripples me, or that on some days I can't leave my house from my mental disorders, or that I can't do certain activities without requiring medical care for my diabetes, I have disabilities. I just accepted these things as a 'well everyone struggles with something'. People around me always told me to just toughen up because all of these things are invisible disabilities, I kept pretending everything was okay, and I was too young (I'm not even 30 yet right now) or just looking for attention. Even now many people try to tell me I'm not REALLY disabled (even though my definition by diabetes alone is a disability! I'm insulin dependent for life and will be at an increased risk for losing my vision, limbs and kidney failure just for being diabetic, even when well controlled, it's almost like these people WANT me to lose my hands and feet ffs). I'm finally in a place in my life where I can say, with confidence, yes I have disabilities. My good days don't invalidate the fact I have to go through these things and deal with the really bad consequences on the bad days. Able bodied people don't have to take all the precautions and plan ahead like I do. Able bodied people don't get blood drawn for lab testing and see their doctor every 3 months without fail. Even if my list of conditions doesn't sound 'very disabling', it really is. And that's okay. My life is better for accepting this and working with what I've got, instead of constantly pretending that I'm not disabled. Videos like these feel incredibly validating and remind me that I shouldn't let the nasty comments of people who don't have to live my life define myself. I'm disabled, and that's okay. Nobody else gets to tell me otherwise!
I hate it when people leave the comments “You don’t need makeup” on my stuff. I know that thank you. Doing my makeup is a way for me to create, spend some alone time & it’s an outlet. I’M AN ARTIST, in every way! I have nothing against those that don’t wear makeup, I didn’t for a long time. As long as each of us are ourselves, I give applause 👏👏👏👏
You've helped me to use fashion as a coping skill. I have a panic disorder and a few other moderate mental disorders. I realize if I'm confident about my outfit it helps me to feel much less overwhelmed. Hoodies are a huge comfort, and so are fuzzy socks. I adore lingerie even when I'm wearing causal outfits, it just makes me feel really good about myself even if no one else gets to see my lace.
Thank you for speaking up about the hierarchy in the disabled community! I always struggled with that when I was going to this chronic pain centre. There are a lot of therapy/learning groups and I even had one person tell me, "Oh, so you're still working" as if I couldn't be there unless my pain was so disabling that I couldn't work at all (little did he know that I had to reduce my hours drastically because of my pain...). We shouldn't be comparing our disabilities but supporting each other!
Differently abled is another one :) You really hit the nail on the head regarding the "hierarchy" of disability. I feel it stems from the way everyone is told to compare their lives and issues to others. Like "there's starving kids in Africa, so you'd better eat your vegetables". Or a common one here in Canada is "Yeah our healthcare is failing but at least we don't live in the states". Our lives are subjective, someone else "having it worse" won't make our lives any easier. Also, you are just absolutely lovely, hearing how you've dealt with your issues makes dealing with my own seem possible :)
I'm sure there are plenty of people commenting things similar to this, but I just wanted to thank you for this video Jessica. I've recently started calling myself disabled after living with chronic migraine headaches for around 4-5 years and I got a lot of pushback from my friends and family. I always thought I was "not disabled enough" before I thought about it and realized that my headaches impact me to the point that I can't live like a "normal" person anymore. I just really want to thank you for giving me the confidence to call myself disabled and stand up for myself like that.
I love your strength and advocacy for disabled people! (Not to mention your style and your recipes! I recently started a FODMAP diet and I’m taking inspiration from your recipes!) Ever since I was officially diagnosed with a mental illness (after years and years of suffering and not knowing what it was), I’m still getting used to the idea that the word “disability” also applies to me. However, I do sometimes wish I could waive a badge at people around me and be like “I’m not being mean to you or skipping your party to hurt you, I just can’t do it and here’s why”. Thank you so much for your lovely videos!
I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS), gastroesophogeal reflux disease, autism spectrum disorder and ptsd. I don’t often use the term disabled because a) I am 16 and I feel too young to be disabled and b) despite the fact that I miss a lot of school due to my conditions and often can’t do simple human tasks like eat or walk to the bathroom, I feel like other people have it worse and other people deserve the term disabled more than me
Can I just say, i just found your channel and being a woman who lives today, this ascetic it was incredibly uplifting, thank you for being unapologeticly yourself. Because not only do I love your look but I identify with you, I'm a film and Media student. I have struggled with bad health and that can affect my mental health sometimes and your positivity is uplifting. Thank you so much.
Both my cousins and my mom have relapsing remitting MS and because they have their good days, some people assume that everyday is fine. I liked your video a lot today because you shed light on this problem. Like, just because you're having a better time with whatever is hindering your life doesn't mean the disease or problem goes away. Thank you Jessica.
Claudia, if you’re lactose intolerant, you can get lactase enzyme pills! I use them and I can eat dairy without any stomach issues afterwards. #NotSpon
This was important to me. I have a spine injury that has changed my life. I live in near constant pain but continue to live a "normal" life however, I am often faced with activities that I am unable to do or hugh expectations. People look at me as "having a bad back" but it is so much more than that. My injury is knit into the fabric of my life. It changed everything. I wish I had the courage to set proper boundaries and stand up for myself but I am so afraid of being a bother to other people. It sucks.
I've been watching your videos for a few weeks and I want to say "thank you." As a person with disabilities, I find you inspiring. Despite your pain or lack of energy or problems of the day, you make the best of what you have. Thank you for encouraging me to make the best of myself everyday.
Thank you for this. I feel so often it's just another way of saying "you're not good enough" when I get told I'm not disabled enough to call myself disabled (despite being half deaf, with a brain injury, chronic digestive illness, and physical trauma induced depression/anxiety). I still can drive, go to work, and "function normally" (what does that mean anyways), so I don't 'count'. That's rubbish. I think society as a whole is very quick to judge others, whether they measure up to individual standards of disability, able-bodied-ness (is that even a word?!), beauty, weight, etiquette, etc. I HATE (yep, that word. Ooo...) the hierarchy of disability you mentioned. I've seen it way too much. I won't lie, it's gotten to me at times as I feel, 'what right do I have to call myself disabled' when others have it so much worse. The worst is when I've been accused of using my disabilities as an excuse to not do something. "Well so-and-so is in a wheelchair and can do this. You're just making excuses." "But my disability is different, I.." "Well then, you're lying." :( People can be very cruel. Thank you for using your platform and your beautiful voice to be an advocate. I confess sometimes I watch your videos and feel like I don't suffer nearly as much as you, so who am I to call myself disabled or complain, but then I remember, it's all relative. Another's seemingly worse disability is not the absence of your own. Besides, I think it's much better to be positive and be inspired by you instead. :) So much love to you this holiday season! And Christmas emojis! 🎄🎄🎄🥛🍪🎅🎅🎅
Jessica, you’ve helped me change my mindset about my disability. I am more aware and more open to discussion. I was treated as an outsider by my family and shamed for being me. I have finally understood that I am myself and there is nothing I can do to change it and I’m “perfect” the way I am. Sure some days are horrible but the good days are what I look forward to. ❤️🌲🎅🏽
My disabilities don't affect me all the time but when they do it's catastrophic but also I look able-bodied I dress smart. It took me a long time to except being disabled because of these silly labels of 'enough'
I have crohn's disease and in school or university I regularly had to bring new medical certificates, every year or so, to proof that I am still chronicly ill. I think it was because I was not looking ill. That really gave me the feeling that I was not ill enough to want, for example extra time in school exams when I was in pain. It really made me feel bad to want that help. It´s only recently that I learned to not be ashamed of wanting help and standing up for myself in that way. I absolutly love your videos and think you can be very pround of yourself for bringing these topics up and giving such good advice on them.
wolfpurplemoon I was thinking exactly the same! Another suggestion if you've never tried it (I'm addicted to this and had it for every meal for a week when I was in my teens) sweet potatoes, cottage cheese and mild sweet chilli sauce :) (sweet potato mash and sweet chilli sauce with a salmon fillet and pan fried peppers is amazing too!)
As a diabetic, most of the time I don't call myself disabled. I only really use it because I'm registered under disability resources at school and receive accommodations from that.
Yes! I agree with so much of this!! I have several limiting mental illnesses. It impacts my weight, fatigue and several other things. I’ve never called myself disabled, but you’ve really made me think about it in a different way, and that’s a good thing. I fight my brain constantly. Thank you. I also experience a lot of discrimination in the gay community too. Down with the infighting and all that. We should all stick together. Xxx
This helped me so much. I suffer from mental illness. Its hard to get people to understand and often times i feel like im not bad enough for the labels or for the care it requires.
I have been binge watching you videos, vlogmas ones and non vlogmas ones! I just love your personality, how positive you are! Lots of love from Belgium!
I love this video. I have such a different relationship with the word disabled because I am a ‘carer’. I take care of adults with developmentally disabilities but I also am to an extent disabled. I would probably use the term, neurodiverse, but really it’s all semantics. Your channel is great because of the attitude you have about it and not letting it rule your life while still acknowledging that it can and does it’s about how you learn to live with it. And while so many people have said to me you can’t be depressed you’re so happy it’s not about what you can and can’t see it’s about how you feel and function. Which your channel had helped me embrace
I struggle with this a lot because all of my disabilities are invisible and one of them (my stomach disorder) is unpredictable. I’m looking for a job and it’s this big cloud looming over my head because I don’t know how an employee might react to that unpredictability or even understand what’s happening. But I know I’m entitled to disability protections and accommodations in the US and I just have to be willing to claim those things. And other people who are struggling are not the enemy. My mom also has the same stomach disorder and it doesn’t affect her as severely as it affects me, but she has never invalidated my experience or told me to push through it just because she can. We’re all in this together.
I’m autistic, I count myself as a disabled person, I feel like autistics get missed out because we’re not physically disabled. A lot of people don’t realise I can’t actually go out 2 days in a row because I’ll just be so exhausted, not from actually walking around, but from talking to people and just generally being around people. I struggle to use normal toilets because the noise sets off my hypersensitivity. I love how open minded you are about disabilities 💕💕
Used one of your hair tutorials for inspiration the other day as I got ready for my senior presentation for college. I don’t usually get glammed up but I felt like a million bucks, tried to channel a bit of your confidence and it worked! So happy I found your videos 😊
I remember watching that program on bbc3 and often think of it, how random. It was before I, myself became disabled. Thankyou for spreading awareness and doing it so eloquently. Only began watching your videos recently after following you on instagram and absolutely love them.
thank you so much for this. i have eds and broke my knee because i ignored all the warning signs that my body needed help. i still get stares whenever i have to wear a brace or anything as i don't "look sick" and feel guilty as if i really am just pretending that my joints are terrible. i still feel very uneasy to take on the label as being "disabled" although i have to often deal with having to vocalize my limits at a work place or out with friends and family, which i so very difficult for me to do, but your videos definitely help me with that. you speak so well and eloquently such a common experience for so many people and i truly appreciate your advocacy.
Yes! In my experience, having conditions that don't bar me from a large range of activities most days, when I do have a bad day with symptoms that prevent me from doing something, I always feel awful, as if I'm less deserving of rest or accommodation just because I don't need it all the time. Even writing it here, that makes no sense.
I love your vlogs Jessica! Everyday when I wake up the first thing to do is check to see if you’ve uploaded 😍 Thank you so much for the inspiring videos ❤️
I’m not sure if you’ve addressed this or can, but I have a big problem and I don’t know what to do. I know I am disabled, still getting used to the word myself, but it took me so long to accept it because in my family weakness is never acknowledged as anything more than something to be conquered. I’m starting to realize the only way I may be able to be happy in my life is to stop convincing myself I’ll eventually be able to counter all of my issues and live “normally”; but the very idea of giving up on trying to “get better” just isn’t a concept in my family. I am in disability services at college and have tons of doctors notes so it’s not unheard of, but I know if I say I’m gonna start to accept that I will always be like this, they’re going to say “that’s nonsense, you just aren’t trying hard enough/haven’t found all the solutions/need to change your habits” and I’m already a burden (I’ve been called a “leech” - my mom apologized for it, but it’s really stuck with me) they would see my acknowledging disability as me making excuses for not trying to “get better” and they would feel insulted. At its most basic level, my family doesn’t handle weakness well. And I’m so scared that I’ll never be able to accept my disabilities as disabilities while my family continues to treat me like this. Don’t get me wrong, they want the best for me, they are constantly trying to get me “better”, convince me to “change” as if I could, assuring me things might change in the future; so maybe I am underestimating them, but I’ve lived with these issues my whole life and I’m so tired of blaming myself for them. I just don’t know what to do. On top of that, some of the biggest issues I have don’t really have official names (deficiencies, sensitivities) so there’s only so many ways I can “prove” this isn’t my choice, and I just don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. On a lighter note: I have to say, your channel and those who comment give me a lot of hope though. It’s so nice seeing all different types of disabilities acknowledged.
I love your style of dress it's no different than the hipsters or emo people or any other genre of style. And Jessica you rock it! So go girl! Love from Jamaica
I love your vintage look. The 194os is one of my favorite eras for fashion and make up and I think you pull it together so authentically and beautifully.
I think the 'you look great without make-up' comments are people trying to be helpful. There's plenty of people who feel insecure/ugly without their make-up on and getting a comment like that might be really encouraging and help with their self-confidence. Just a random remark. Love you!
This was a great video. I’m legally blind. I consider myself disabled and I’m seen as a disabled person under the eyes of the law, but I sometimes even feel funny saying the word around my friends because some people might not think I’m “disabled enough” compared to others. I love what you said. Disability advocacy is a big passion of mine.
Jessica you are amazing!!! I have very mild cerebral palsy but I’ve also got a connective tissue disorder (ehlors danlos syndrome) pots and a digestive disorder (gastroparesis with cyclic vomiting syndrome) all caused by a brain Malformation. I have had people tell me I am not disabled enough and that drives me crazy because while some days I am seemingly fine other days I can’t get out of bed or I spend the day with the sick bucket. I found your videos and really find something great in all of them so thank you so very very much.
I am definitely going to enjoy watching more videos of you talking about disability-related topics! You have clearly gained valuable insight over the years and you have this fabulous way of giving serious topics the attention and respect they deserve, while at the same time presenting them in an accessible and easy-to-understand manner, and spreading happiness, just by being your joyous and sparkly self. You are so full of love and genuine positivity that it radiates through the screen and I can honestly say that there have been a couple times now where I was feeling absolutely miserable with pain and/or nausea and watching your videos made me smile and feel a little bit better! You have also given me some new strategies for dealing with my nausea and really, what more could you ask a persyn for?! I hope your day is/has been full of spoons!!
My mom's had ulcerative colitis for almost 4 decades now. She gets so many looks in the store when she uses the little electric carts, but like... sometimes it's needed. These people don't know anything about her life or what she goes through. I myself have needed one of those a time or 2 because of an ankle problem. I had a manager at a store I worked at call me out one time because I used one when it was taking me 15 minutes to limp from point A to point B and a more direct manager saw that and grabbed me one. It's not like any healthy person would willingly choose to use them and get looked at in such a horrible way. When one has good days and bad days and no physical indication of anything being wrong, people are extremely rude and judgmental. Also, that pizza looks delicious ^.^
Thank you, Jessica. I find my self questioning if I am an "impostor" because of my use of a cane. I think, oh I don't need this all the time -- so am I really disabled enough to use it? I think about the times when I have forgone my cane, and people are a lot rougher with me! My cane, as @PalisBee put, is a visual indicator that I need a little extra space and likely a seat. Jessica, and her followers are almost all of the people I know of that are disabled. It feels less lonely knowing that other people have the same struggles as I and I feel more hopeful that they have overcome these struggles. I feel so supported, and empowered by all your words and encouragement. @Jessica, your youtube channel is a shining beacon of hope for me.
I've only been legally recognized as disabled for about 4 years now, I think. It was a huge fight with the government to get there. Not only do I have depression and anxiety, but the condition they don't recognize is one that can kill me. It's invisible until it happens. They don't consider it a disability coz it's a technical allergy. I'm allergic to heat/my own body heat/temperature changes and it makes me break out in painful hives all over my body and render me fatigued and useless when it stops. Extreme cases could kill me. I can't cook for myself most days, exercise, walk to the corner store and back... But I know, especially by the actual definition of disabled, that I am. I will continue wearing my disabled pin on my purse with pride and anyone who gives me a dirty look coming out of a car parked in the handicapped space (even though we have a placard) can just shove off. You're amazing.
For me; Movement: Physical full body pain after walking for some time or working. Tachycardia/breathlessness. Senses: Pre-syncope sometimes causes me to lose my sight. Activities: Often too fatigued to study or go out. So I could be classed as disabled, but persuading people to believe that is another matter.
Thank you so much Jessica this helps me feel a lot better because I live in America and where I live it is extremely hard to get any benefits or any help at all, I have ptsd, dyscalculia, ADHD and clinical depression and anxiety with a sprinkling of ocd, along which physical disabilities like , scheuermann's disease, and IBS and asthma also legally am to blind to drive,and I can’t work I can hardly walk some times and I have tried for years to get help even to get insurance to be able to afford medicine I need to support my life and this Christmas has been hard just because I watch my wife leave for work and I know we don’t even make enough to live on our own or have food of our own to make ends meet and... I can’t work I have no way to help and I feel so useless and ashamed because I look mostly normal so no one will help us I’ve done everything hearings in court and paperwork and no one looks at my whole life or the whole picture they don’t see what it’s like but you know and you explained it all perfectly and really help me feel better ❤️
8:15 being in a wheelchair I personally like the term differently abled. But really this video is amazing because I've found that my depression has debilitated me more than my physical afflictions. So every disabled person has a different reason that they consider themselves disabled
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