Autism AND Sexuality|Purple Ella 

Even then, for me, it just seems like they're doing it as a joke or out of pity

I feel you

Found mah peeps

Same here. Anytime I have had a girlfriend they had to tell me they liked me. My first girlfriend actually told me to ask her out. I had a friend who I hung out with all the time, had a great connection with, and she even LICKED me sometimes, but I always figured it was just her way of joking around. We never dated, and I felt so dense thinking about it later. 😆

Add me. NO idea. I have the additional problem of misinterpreting 'friendliness' or just being nice as romantic interest, Got that wrong so many times.

I guess I am lucky. I am in my 3rd relationship but am still friends with my 2 former partners. I was friends first with all 3. Also there was years time in between so that could be why.

I am not autistic (not diagnosed at least) but I've always had the same struggle. I think about how my relationships with my old friendcrushes are now after choosing not to pursue romantic relationships with them and I suspect the relationships may have gone the same way. For example, the times when I did pursue relationships at the cost of great friendships, roughly half have gone on to remain good friends and the other half have faded out of my life - much the same as the friendships with the crushes I never pursued. It makes me think that sometimes you should just give it a go anyway. _Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all_

A good friend of mine whom I find quite attractive offered me sex a few years ago. I was a kissless virgin then and still am. I declined, not wanting to damage the friendship. Ironically, we’ve drifted apart considerable since 😢. Sometimes I regret not saying yes. I have Asperger’s and am still a kissless virgin.

Yes kept thinking that the whole video

And there still isn't alot of info about autism and sexuality because that video didn't really give any autism specific info.

Icarus101 yes, there’s not a lot of autism specific information in this video, but it’s the most I’ve been able to find that isn’t targeted at parents of children with autism. It’s helpful to hear about personal experiences even though the video isn’t full of facts and figures.

Could you say what was autism specific? As I said in another reply, NTs and other people have issues with bad breath and touching, they are not autism specific issues. No mention of how autism affects sexuaity as far as I could see. Of course people like Purple don't believe in the lack of empathy or theory of mind idea so haven't said how that impacts on relationships.

There are many things that people on the spectrum struggle with that NTs also struggle with. NTs struggle with bad breath and touching but not nearly to the extent that we can. They did mention how it impacts their relationships with others. They mentioned how it’s hard to know when they’re ready to be sexual with others. They also mentioned that they only have sex with people that can understand their way of communicating. I’m starting to wonder if you actually watched the video with an open mind or if you’re one of those people that like to go around telling everyone they’re wrong.

Sorry I didn't like the video, do I have to like it to comment? There are thumbs down and thumbs up icons for a reason. Otherwise there would be a lick my bum icon if only people who liked the video were allowed to comment.

Agreed!

I feel like one symptom of autism should be if someone needs to constantly experiment with different groups and identities to figure out whats going on

Me 100%

@@HarrietFitzgerald580 yeah my neurologist straight up said i was lying about my reported symptoms that my whole family would coroberate because his ego was to big to admit he had missdiagnosed me for years And then when we kept pressing he told me it was fucking tourettes, one of my closest friends has touretts and its night and day really sad what some doctors will do to save their ego.

This is going to be probably unnecessarily long, but I feel a lot of people with autism seem to be more ambiguous when it comes to gender and sexuality. So I'll share my experience and hope it might be insightful. I've never much cared for gender norms and played with trucks and dinosaur, dressed as Spiderman for almost a year, and used to tell my parents that I was a boy before I was born. As I got older though, I found it was way more difficult to attract boys without presenting femininity, at least visually. My hobbies were cars and wrestling, video games. So, I hung out more with boys bc they shared more interests. I hit puberty like a hydroplaning Mac truck and suddenly became interested in only one thing, as teens tend to do. Though I'm pansexual, I was in the Bible belt and wasn't physically attracted to the 3 out girls in my tiny highschool. I didn't really consider any girls a possibility... So I basically figured out how to maximise my chances of getting with boys by copying the popular girls. I went from a little emo kid to a *fairly* normal blonde highschool girl. It happened over summer and many people didn't even recognise me. I forced myself to wear jeans even though the sensation drives me insane, always wore heels, and worked out like crazy (My freshman year, I was the first girl to join the wrestling team. My senior year, I was captain and the only female state championship qualifier. So it was a bit of a special interest, but the exercise was a major perk of loving to wrestle. All the popular girls were fit and thin, so that's what I wanted to look like.) So, essentially I forced myself into being as much of a cool, pretty girl as I possibly could all so I could hook up with boys. I feel closer to being non-binary than being a woman, but being seen as a heterosexual cisgendered woman is way more easily navigated socially than being a pansexual non-gendered person. That and I like makeup, it's like an art form to me and I've been a painter since a child. Plus I once decided it was a socially necessary skill that I might as well get good at anyways. So yeah, major gender confusion and feeling like in ways I've become comfortable presenting only as a woman, but at the same time I find a lot of women completely perplexing and just am not as good at interacting and understanding with them. I don't have a lot in common with other women other than fasion and makeup (and personally it's more because men's fashion and makeup tends to be much more bland and boring.) I don't dislike women, quite the opposite, but I don't relate as closely to them. I just can't honestly identify 100% as a woman. I feel like a woman in appearance only. But yeah, it seems a lot higher percentage of autistic people are lgbtq+ and seem to discover it way later in life than the average bear. It's very interesting.

Same!

I can totally relate! It's rough having autism since a lot of trust issues with yourself and others come with it

Ohh you make me hopeful someday I'll find someone right for me. After my bad experience it's so hard to trust there will be someone there able to relate to my oddest quirks

@@Laura.D3101 I kissed my fair share of frogs who turned into turds. It took a lot of work figuring what I was doing to attract and allow them into my life (naivety played a big part) and establishing better boundaries before things got good. Still good another year later. The right person is out there and they're looking for you too xx

@@Irene-gq4jr thank you so much for your words

A good match is worth waiting for!

That's a lovely story

Natural Vegan Mom that’s so false! Plus, it makes them hypocrites!

It is wrong for any parents to force their child to "go hug smelly grandparent" or whoever, when the child is not comfortable doing that. When a child IS comfortable and wants to hug someone, they will all by themselves. Forcing physical closeness on a child is a form of abuse. AND it teaches the child that they are not allowed to have any boundaries or personal space. Which of course, sets us up to believe that we are supposed to continue letting people get too close as we get older. It did for me. When I got older I wanted love, but I settled for sex because at least someone was hugging me. This was usually in conjunction with some form of substance use that lowered my inhibitions though. And without that substance I did not feel the attraction. I am way too old to just now be figuring this out now. I have trouble asking for what I want, because then I feel like I am being selfish. And I was trained not be be selfish and to give give give.

Recovering soul, it is not abuse to many people, it is training young how to manage humanely with other humans. Some of us, obviously, can blame more than our English heritage for making us feel uncomfortable hugging others when not in a sexual or parental situation. I even have to force myself to hug my ownchildren after they have gone through puberty. Was so easy when they were little tykes, I could snuggle all day. Once puberty began, I had a natural aversion. That is me, however. It is totally normal and easy for the rest of my family to hug, leave an arm around one another, or even pat each other on the arm or back in regular conversation. My brain almost always tries to associate that with sexuality and makes me suddenly extremely uneasy.

I’m sorry queen me to :c

I'm the same. I use to think that I was bisexual until I heard about pansexuality. I've recently separated from a long term heterosexual monogamous relationship. I still found I used porn for the other sexual genders.

Same same same!

Juggernaut I can’t hug even my immediate family. But really enjoy any type of contact with my SO.

Same here.

Glad to know I'm not the only one!

For me I can't even hug my family, not even my mum lol

I can hug, kiss and stuff, but hand touching is near impossible. I've never held my mother's hand in 45 years. Hand shaking is real hard and a cultural norm where I live.

i used to not have relationships too, bc i thought no one was interested (also i am told i have a "cold aura"???). but then i found out, i just don't know how flirting works (still don't know but i approach ppl differently now). maybe that info could help?

I just turned 41 and only have been diagnosed 2 years ago. So I'm still figuring things out. But the moment she said "you're attractive in the way your brain works" I was like Yessss... That is the way it works for me too...Finally someone who verbalises what I feel. I really don't look at the physical... Couldn't care less really... Doesn't do it for me. But the way your brain works most definitely does😁

That’s what people on the spectrum say to each other on good dates (it’s obvious flirting for us). 😅. The man I’m dating now has said this to me. Only men who understand me who I end up in a relationship with have said this very thing. It’s one of the best compliments

This has been the biggest compliment I’ve ever received from someone! It definitely works.

Oh and that goes for the oversharing things/being too open too

Hand holding is also more intimate than sex to me. I don’t think you should hold someone’s hand unless you love them 😅

I never hug anyone...not since I was pepper-sprayed. 😊

This was really interesting to me. I recognized I have similar habits. You gave me something to think about and work on. Thank you :)

I relate your gf, but I do get to have sex right away, (when I get the girl), I just get cheated on almost instantly afterwards.

Wow, this could almost be the perspective of my first boyfriend.

Same thing happened to me I'm dating autism female partner but except she didn't even think about at first until I got know her more

Lmao this is me all the way. Super direct “why haven’t you kissed me yet” like chilllll

Yes I don't like people touching me either and the idea of sex makes me feel gross. I feel like there's something wrong with me, and i'll never be able to have a kind of romantic relationship with someone I love cuddling my cat though 🤔😻

Is it though?

Hi, Happens to a high percentage of moms. Happened to me. I think it's biological. Primate females bringing up their little ones are not coupling, have no oestrus. Until they finish lactation, which lasts about four years. Think a lot of females still got it. That's why couples take weekends off leaving kids with grandparents. Good luck Vegan Mom. Thanks. Yana.

I totally think that's how my 24 year old daughter would like her relationship to be as well. And I have read that several autistics that are married have separate bedrooms so that's a thought as well. Best wishes.

I don't think that's unreasonable--or at least separate bedrooms that your spouse has to be invited into.

That's sad.

It is. It's the name of a vibrator.

Is it though?

@@facthunt2facthunt245 it certainly is for some.