Autism Communication Strategies: DON'T ask an autistic open questions!

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Autism communication strategies - TIP #1: Don't ask open ended questions!
If you ask an autistic person open ended questions you have a higher likely chance of triggering a 'mind blank' situation because the prompt wasn't specific enough to trigger a memory.
Sometimes narrowing the target with a specific prompt makes a question
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My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
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23 апр 2020

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Комментарии : 642

@hollybrown9706 3 года назад

My life changed when I started asking, "Can you be more specific?" Turns out, people respond to that much better than a blank stare and poorly-hidden internal panic.

@staliepop 3 года назад

haha! My 'poorly hidden panic attack' feels seen and exposed!

@EmmaLemmon 3 года назад

Agreed, it's on my list of set responses.

@aikou2886 3 года назад

Oh yeah, I just realized I aso do that a lot. However, some people really don't like that. Specially my boss/supervisor.

@DOMiNOUKAE 3 года назад

no shit ..

@nickname2935 Год назад

Lol...took me years to figure that out 😀 Sometimes I still find myself just talking to no end, while answering EVERY possible implication of the question.

@Norplinger 4 года назад

I went to a new GP once and she asked me "what's your medical history?" I was completely stumped and I fumbled around for a while trying to think of every time I had ever had a medical issue in my entire life, then I got kind of panicky, because of the way she was looking at me, and I asked if she couldn't just get my medical file from my last GP, but she said she wouldn't do that unless she decided to take me as a patient. I tried to ask her too be more specific about what she wanted to know, but I must have seemed too defensive or something because she just decided that I must be a drug addict and told me that they didn't deal with drug addiction issues and told me about another medical practice that accepts drug addicts. I was just stunned and I left in tears. I actually made a complaint because I was so upset afterwards. I got a half-hearted apology, but she really didn't get it. It was quite a traumatic episode. I told them "I am autistic" when I made the appointment, but it's amazing how many GPs have no clue what that might mean.

@sugarhardlyknowher 4 года назад

Goodness talk about miscommunication. Sorry that happened 😥

@ian...8 4 года назад

That's horrible. I'm so sorry you experienced that. I know how you feel. It's why I dread doing anything with medical visits. All the questions and if you dont understand what they're asking.. they make you feel like shit. Also medical forms are a nightmare... give me the option of filling out pages of medical forms or dealing with a crazy man with a shotgun.. I'll take the crazy guy with the gun 1000 times out of 1000.

@schwarzeseis4031 4 года назад

That is really effed up. Here in Germany, when you go to a new Doctor, you get to fill in a form sheet that specifically asks for surgeries you've been through, major deseases you had, regular medication, stuff that may run in the family and so on and that then is the basis of the medical-history-talk. your story made me realize that i am gratefull for this procedure.

@Norplinger 4 года назад

@@ian...8 Crazy guys with shotguns are easy! As long as you don't have to talk to them on the phone... 😂

@Norplinger 4 года назад

@@schwarzeseis4031 Yes the system in Germany is second to none!

@knekki. 4 года назад

Bro I've only read the title and I'm already like "oh my god, yes! Stop that RIGHT NOW."

@heathwilder 4 года назад

"My short term memory is fine it just takes a little time to come to the surface" That's exactly me. Beautifully put. I'm often TOLD I have a short term memory issue by psychologists but that's not my experience AT ALL. I just have too many things to choose one. It's like the three stooges trying to run through a doorway at the same time and getting stuck.

@heathwilder 4 года назад

PS: I would love to come to a virtual meet up (or one next time in Melbourne)

@Roseredeemed 2 года назад

This is me also I always put it together beautifully with interesting, Witty jokes 10-15 minutes in my mind we’ll pass my time to reply if I replied then like I sometimes want to I know that draws unwanted stressful attention to me. A lot of the times it’s hard for me to not verbally blurt out things at times which yes I know other adults aren’t adding input or asking questions sometimes when I do the looks on others faces feels judgmental to me like WE are all just sitting here like good little adults what’s wrong with you that you can’t control yourself like US. I try not to allow this stuff to go to emotionally deep by resurrecting myself that that’s my interpretation of them I could be projecting my own insecurities onto them that helps.

@joycebrewer4150 2 года назад

I loved watching those guys! I even kept the cover of TV Guide that featured them for a long time, until I had to move to a new place. I also know what you are describing when you talk about your answers getting stuck before you get them out, because there are too many to choose from. I never figured out what to do then, unfortunately.

@heathwilder 2 года назад

@@joycebrewer4150depending on the situation I'll start a bullet point list on my phone or get somewhere low noise/sensory and focus or make a quick note and come back to it when i can hyperfocus.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

I got the herbs from Dr Oyalo and use the remedy on my son as he instructed. As I speak my child is speaking well and his social skill has improved. It a good thing to tell this and his herbs is the best for autism kids

@JAMQWERT 4 года назад

When I was young (like 7-8 years) I had a friend who I am 95% sure was also on the spectrum (like me) but neither of us were diagnosed at that age. We would go off and do some very intense interest for the day (like computer games or building elaborate fort structures etc.) when we would return to where one of our parents were, we would be asked what were we doing all day (as we weren't near them), neither of us could think of what to say as we had done so much and it was difficult to codify. They would make the assumption we were doing something bad or naughty, because we didn't have the answers they required in the time frame they believed adequate, however it was completely innocent. Any answer that eventually came later (once we had figured out how to explain), sounded like a falsehood, because it took us that long to work it out in our heads. I then felt unfairly represented as it was always the truth, but we were never believed. It is still that way today. I can't take liars and lying and I am often portrayed as being untruthful by NTs because they don't understand this delay in response. I need time to process and filter out all the stuff they probably are not interested in. I then have to spend a great deal of my time proving my truthfulness and in the end, once I've proven my veracity, I am told "why didn't you just say that to begin with". Drives me crazy. NTs can lie so fast and get treated like they are telling the truth because of the speed in which they do it and I take a long time, but get treated like I'm lying. So exhausting. Thanks for giving me another excellent video to view and food for thought 😊

@robertklotz9319 4 года назад

@JAMQWERT same as with me, just right on the spot. 50 yrs living with that big question WHY do they this to me? The simple answer to this is, They, NTs are on the wrong side. As on the spectrum we just function differently, not to their patterns, so we must be cheaters as they do understand it. We have not much in common other than being human. And this I even find sometimes hard to imagine. NTs do crazy things!

@NoiseDay 4 года назад

I wonder if it would work to try infodumping next time. Say someone asks, "What did you do this weekend?" And you respond by recollecting everything that you did starting Saturday morning. It probably irritates some people without me knowing, but this is usually what I do and I haven't had a problem with people thinking I'm dishonest. It's kind of hilarious in retrospect, but I'd like to believe that I'm teaching people to be more specific if they don't want to know everything about my life.

@jerotoro2021 4 года назад

@@NoiseDay I do something similar, except I just truncate the infodump to a length that seems like a reasonable response. I wind up just giving the first item in the list, regardless of how valuable that item is. "What did you do today?" "Well I had breakfast this morning. Eggs and toast." It saves me the effort of sifting through my day, organizing the events according to how interested the person might be... It's usually taken as a joke, and I roll with that, like I intended to be funny. The best part about it, is that they usually follow up with a more specific question, or else start talking about what THEY did, queuing either my "smile and nod" mode or "intense analysis of their behavior" mode.

@MSG4LIF3 3 года назад

What are NT's?

@kajielin4354 3 года назад

I was asked on the phone if I was sure that I had no kind of radio reciever at home (we have to pay a fee if we do) and I thought a second about it and then answered "no" (literally not more than 2 seconds at best!) and the woman on the phone went like "oh why did you take so long? Don't you maybe actually have one? If the answer took this long you must be lying!". I am still upset with myself that I DIDN'T scream at her that she should encourage me to think about it and not just automatically say no.

@dagnytaggart5955 4 года назад

I'm an Asperger myself so that bit about open-ended questions hit me exactly in the right spot. However, my 8-year boy, also autistic, has the same difficulty with open-ended questions and some types of not so open-ended questions. What did you learn, how was your day, was supper good, did you play with your friends, what games did you play, etc, all these questions confuse him. He answers, I don't know, I have no idea, I don't remember or, my favourite, let's talk about it later. I have a trick. Instead of asking point blank what he ate for supper while with mom, I ask him if he liked the racoon mommy served him. THAT triggers his attention. He corrects me immediately with a detailed description of his meal. When I want his attention in other situations I say something non-sensical like, please put on your swimming trunks, we're going to play in the snow. That brings an immediate correction while assuring me he understood the request. Compliance is another matter. In short, I use cognitive dissonance to communicate with him.

@alienwizard3695 4 года назад

I love this technique, autistic people are great at noticing things that are out of place. Imperfections seem to scream at me and I have to make the correction, this annoys my family greatly.

@dagnytaggart5955 4 года назад

@@alienwizard3695 Story of my life. I MUST correct spelling mistakes, mine or others'. I've learned to let go a bit.

@Mrs.Silversmith 4 года назад

Wow, this is a really clever communication strategy. I'm going to have to remember this.

@Norplinger 4 года назад

That's ingenious. It definitely would have worked on me as a child. Thanks, I will pass this wisdom on.

@dagnytaggart5955 4 года назад

@@Norplinger Well, like many great inventions I came across it by accident.

@towelandtea42 4 года назад

I don't know if I'm in the spectrum or not, but I've always struggled with open-ended questions, so my strategy is to let other people answer first because I get to see what kind of answer people expect me to give, then I think of an answer that fits that pattern and mentally rehearse it in order to not sound so nervous.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@jackiebd24 Год назад

I do the exact same thing. :)

@heedmydemands Год назад

Yes I do this too but often when I come up with what I will say I wish I would come up with something better

@robertgross1655 4 года назад

The worst one is when someone says “hi, how are you?” How are you ment to answer. A glib Ok , or telling them how you really feel. Which ever way, it feels like the wrong thing. Then cringe mode.

@KarinaCor 3 года назад

Always feel that way to the cringe question :how are you?

@johnhalder6599 3 года назад

Yeah I always say "well I'm alive!"that goes over like a bomb.then ppl think youre just a Debbie downer. Hard to be positive when you're hated/feared!

@candaletto92 3 года назад

I could be dying and I would still say "alright thanks, you?" XD and then they actually answer the question with something meaningful and I'm like "wait. I was supposed to answer?"

@pwk22 3 года назад

I'm NT, and I've always hated that question. First off, they don't care. Second, it's so glib. Third, it's rote, lazy and hackneyed. I never ask this question when I am meeting someone new. When someone asks me how I am, I respond, "Tollerable". It's my winking way of calling them out for such a dopey introductory question.

@ApostatePajamas 3 года назад

The latest confusing thing, is when people greet with "Hi, how have you been?" and then immediately turn and walk away! It feels like just a ritual people do, I guess to show they mean no harm? Other times, it seems like a lead-in for the other person to talk about themselves, like the counter-response to when I say "fine, how are you?" is a core dump of the intolerable things that happened to them last weekend.

@MNkno 4 года назад

So.. I observe people, perhaps obsessively, as long as they don't interact with me. And I noticed that you can give any answer to the general chit-chatty social exchanges, and the questions are pretty standard, so I have a strategy already in place for that. The problem when they go to the next level is, they get an info dump... The questions that give me trouble are those where the person has something in mind that is ill-defined: "Are you in pain?", "Are you ok?"... When you reply, "Define 'pain'", "Define OK", they are at a loss. I was in hospital once for 4 weeks, people asked me that question many times every day, and I would regularly lose it, until one physician figured out the question to ask was, "Do you feel anything that keeps you awake, or wakes you up?"... THAT i could answer.

@captainzork6109 4 года назад

Meg Nakano I wonder why you’d have trouble with those types of questions. My first hypothesis would be that you’re not sure what the other person intends to do with the information they obtain from you. The other person’s intentions will frame what type of information they’re looking for. With “Are you in pain?”, for example, could be asked with at least five different intentions: i) Out of curiosity, ii) To comfort you, iii) For small-talk, iv) To decide whether they should make the pain more bearable v) To check symptoms, informing their assessment. Depending on what they want the answer will differ. Especially since pain is subjective and it is difficult to communicate the quantity and quality of pain in a relatively objective measure. Does that sound familiar?

@keithwellerlounge74 2 года назад

Ahaha, I've just realised I do this when my dad asks me if I'm 'ok'. I always wonder if he's looking for the honest answer, then I consider what he means by 'ok', then I wonder how the different answers will affect the way the conversation goes, then I wonder how different answers will affect the long term, and so on....

@MNkno 2 года назад

@@captainzork6109 The problem isn't the other person's intentions - it is the problem of "pain" being ill-defined. First, the sensations - itching, burning, stabbing, aching, pulling apart, pressure, heaviness; when - all the time or when moved or when touched (and touched to what degree), or when there are no distractions or... then the intensity from discomfort to overwhelming, and then the personal idiosyncrasies, pain for me often has color, and some people experience pain because they have seen the red of blood, not because of anything going on with the nerve endings.

@sylviabarnes5928 2 года назад

Wow im impressed by that last physician! (Although it's kinda sad how impressed I am, it should be more common)

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@savanaerie 4 года назад

I didn't realise that this was a problem for others. I've always found open-ended questions stressful. "How was ur day?" "What do you do?" "What's wrong with you?". 😶 I feel like I'd have to write a whole, fully sourced essay to properly respond. When I have to answer on the spot it feels like there's a black hole in my mind and I feel silly. Ppl say that this constitutes communication, but it seems to me that most ppl use these moments to solidify whatever reality they have already decided upon, rather than as tools of collaboration and discovery. Note: not all questions require good answers. God bless, be well 🌹

@linaulnes8821 4 года назад

True. But in Norway people still wnat an answear to "How are you" especialy those kind of friends who dont get it.. My bestie never ever ask me this, yet shes the one who best know how I am because I feel safe to share what comes to heart and mind.

@Norplinger 4 года назад

Yes, "what do you do?" is one of the stupidest questions people ask. What are you supposed to say? That could mean anything! I have discovered, though, that these meaningless questions are actually conveying meaning, but with gestures rather than words. That's why it seems so bizarre to us, it's not about the words, it's about the tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. It tells them where they fit in relation to each other, if they are in the same tribe or who is higher up in the hierarchy and so forth. If you try to play the game and you don't really understand the rules you can get into a lot of trouble. People can think you're insulting them or challenging their authority and the fact that you are completely oblivious to this exchange makes them more angry.

@anne-marie8963 4 года назад

Wow, thank you all for your response now I know why I do not get an answer from my partner when I ask open questions such as ' How are you?

@lifeandhomewithmeredith9050 4 года назад

Things I Like When I ask someone “ how are you?” I always really want to know even if it is a stranger. I do that because I want to see if I can help them in any way I can if they are not doing well. Most people do ask that question without really caring what your answer is. I am sorry it is so stressful for some people to get asked that question. I wish I knew if it was okay to ask or not ahead of time. Much Love

@linaulnes8821 4 года назад

@@lifeandhomewithmeredith9050 if I am at a place in life I got the energy I also try to let them know because I truly want to know, for exemple with a client. But I dont like those questions, especialy if I am to drained I dont like to ask or be asked because it takes so much effort to answear or listen autenticly. Personaly I hate those questions and its nice to finaly know I am not alone about it. And I see no reason to ask if I cant be fully present and provide correct support from reading their energy and hearing their words. To me its incredible rude to let someone think you got time or energy for them if you don't. Finding out you are a relability is awful to everyone who is an Empath or had some experience about it. And some people dont care enough to be open with you so there is no point asking. In your case since you really do care. Find ou why you care, because your intent may be good, but it can come off as fixing someone who dont need to be fixed. Second if you truly care and dont know how to go about it, maybe find a diffrent way. These are some exemples I prefer from friends or aquintences, maybe change to asking "I hope you let me know if there is anything I can do for you?" "I hope you know I am here" "I dont want to intrude on your space, but I truly care about you, so let me know if you need me" "I know sometimes questions can add stress so I will let you decide what you like to share/need, just know I am here"

@PantsOnTheCeiling 4 года назад

Something my personal trainer told me once (she's like a second mom to me and has guided me socially at times) is that it doesn't matter much what you say to these questions, people just want to hear from you. That kind of helped me just learn to say the first thing that comes to mind. Though it's very hard to fight against perfectionism sometimes.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@TinaLeder 4 года назад

What an *AHA Moment* 💃 In the world of *sales* for example, they are taught to ask *only specific questions* to induce conversation, so this makes sense. Influencing people to talk (one way to think about it) requires you to be specific.🎯

@hannajansson-warriorofligh8138 Год назад

Yeeees! Great comment. Everyone feels better with getting specific questions, not only if aspie 😍

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@bigbad123321 3 года назад

This made me laugh. I've been going to appointments this week to get a diagnosis and the first the Specialist said to me was "Tell me a bit about yourself." After a few seconds of thinking I asked "What do you want to know about me" lol. I didn't know where to start or exactly what she wanted to know.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@kj3d812 Год назад

This is exactly why I HATED being asked to tell an interviewer "a bit about" myself. Not only is it WAY too open-ended -- like, what do you want to know? I'm assuming not my whole life story.... -- but I've learned that it's actually a trick question. They're not actually asking what you think they're asking, like most interview questions. Now that I know I'm autistic, I understand why interviews were sheer torture for me, in countless ways, not the least of which was the dreaded, "Tell me a bit about yourself." UGH!

@livableincome Год назад

I think MOST people hate " tell me about yourself." It is way too wide open a question and one can't help but wonder what the questioner is looking for?

@SmallSpoonBrigade Год назад

That's probably why she asked that question, she knew that people with autism, or at very least traits, are likely to struggle with it.

@michaelkozel 4 года назад

Hi, thank you for this input. I told my wife about this. She said to me: "Did you realize you cannot answer closed questions with just "yes" or "no". You always start a whole story. On the other hand if there is an open question you start to avoid an answer or think really long before you can answer. The more specific a question is, the easier it is to give an answer to it. We tried it a few times and had a lot of fun. Thanks for helping to understand and solve this communication missunderstanding between my wife and me.

@rylsahawneh3662 3 года назад

I periodically do this sort of thing! “Does this go here?” “Yes bc *insert 2-3 paragraphs of explanation*”

@KryssLaBryn 3 года назад

Omfg my husband gets SO FED UP with me with that. "It's a yes or no question!" Okay but the short answer is "kind of but not really" and then there's context which you'll want and ask me about and I'm trying to *give* it to you so please stop saying I'm taking too long because interrupting me to ask for info I just gave you (or am in the middle of already telling you!) is making it take even longer!! Frankly, we fundamentally seem to need our information (both received and to give it) in a very particular order, and our orders do *not* match, which makes it extremely frustrating for both of us. He ends up feeling (I think) like he's driving towards a T-intersection and trying to get me, with the map, to tell him if he should go left or right, and I'm waffling and won't tell him; but to me it's a four-way, and I need to know where he's trying to get to in order to tell him which route to take. And I don't understand why he doesn't just pull over so we can figure it out.

@Petunia384 3 года назад

@@KryssLaBryn That's such a perfect analogy. Thank you

@kylefout7122 2 года назад

I have a lot of trouble answering yes or no questions. If I'm wearing a monochrome yellow shirt and you ask me "are you wearing a yellow shirt" I can fairly easily say yes. But, just as an example, if you a person sees trash on the a table and asks "can the stuff on the table be thrown away" I almost can't help but say "yes, except for the salt and pepper shakers, silverware and the lazy susan." Best case scenario is that people think that I'm being a smart ass, worst case is that I'm being condescending, but the truth is that I'm just uncomfortable saying "yes" if it's not entirely true.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@NikkiRaven 2 года назад

Dang, i never understood why i struggled so much with those “introduce yourself” moments..now i do, thank you!

@juniormako6184 Год назад

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on RU-vid, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help

@jmjm1195 3 года назад

I'm so glad to have found your channel. I think my family member is autistic and when I had that realization, I honestly started to cry bc all my life I've struggle to get to know them and we have a turbulent relationship. Realizing that they might be autistic is changing the way I interaction. I ALWAYS asked open ended question and would get exact responses, I started to ask more specific questions, I asked them about eye contact (they hate eye contact but will do it with me and my immediate family bc they got used to it). They like to have a routine and hate being taken off that routine. They struggle to make friend and social interactions are very difficult for them. All this to say, my whole life I tried to push them to do things that are the opposite of what their reality is (be in new social settings, engage and make eye contact etc). It hurts to know I have been treating them in a way that is a huge disservice to them. Thank you again for the work that you do

@mariaokhapkina6971 3 года назад

I'm so moved by what you said. They are lucky to have someone who genuinely cares to understand.

@jmjm1195 3 года назад

@@mariaokhapkina6971 thank you for your kind words

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@hangugeohaksaeng 3 года назад

"I'm rambling. I should just say goodbye. I never know how to end videos." I relate to this.

@KryssLaBryn 3 года назад

I've started, when I realize I'm rambling, to just go, "--and, ah... I've forgotten my original point. Um. So I guess that's why [insert latest topic that I can remember that I was addressing]. The End." Years ago I heard a comedian complaining about Dubya's rambles and trailing off into nonsense and wishing he would just firmly indicate when he'd finished. Maybe by saying, "The end." Ends up it works pretty well, ha ha!

@hangugeohaksaeng 3 года назад

@@KryssLaBryn Oh that's a good one. Thanks for the tip. Funny remembrance of the Dubya joke.

@boostbeetle 2 года назад

Absolutely.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

I got this herbal supplement from Dr Oyalo channel and used it on my son for 4week and within the period of using it there was positive changes which really urge me to continue and I can say my son is free from autism now.

@abunchofsticks7585 4 года назад

For anyone who gets really confused when people say "Hey, what's up?" The correct answer in most cases is: "The direction pointing away from the center of whatever celestial body you happen to find yourself on".

@stephenhookings1985 3 года назад

Or "what you doing?" ... about 0.0mph relative to the ground. Or "how long have you lived in xxx". 19 years and 341 days. I just tell people I am on the spectrum and tell me to shut the **** up if I go on too much. The surprising thing is during consultation sessions my clients often ask me to go on. I have to keep asking "are you sure?". I guess if you are solving someone's difficult issues they want you to keep solving it?

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@c7eye 3 года назад

I have had a very difficult relationship with my husband. Now I know he is on the spectrum. I cannot wait to change my communication style to improve our lives. Thank you.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@parkerlansing4727 4 года назад

That's very interesting. I have a lot of friends who do vlogs, some on a daily basis, and their biggest activity might be going out once for coffee. I can't even do a vlog on a monthly basis. I've always thought it was because I lead a boring life, do nothing interesting enough to talk about, or because I'm not articulate enough to verbalize my thoughts. Truth is, I just can't think of anything to say unless I'm asked specifics. For example, ask what I did this week and I can't answer. Ask if I cooked anything interesting this week, I can go on for an hour. In fact, I can't stop talking. I detail every move, ad nauseam. "A lot of people hold the salt shaker like that but I like to hold it like this becaaaaaause................."

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@lifeandhomewithmeredith9050 4 года назад

My son has been tested for short term memory loss and he only has a 5% recall out of 100. He has ADHD and is autistic on the more functioning side. I am watching RU-vid videos to try to understand myself and my 23 year old son better. Thank you for this channel! We both are having a difficult time. Much Love

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@richard1311 2 года назад

I have often wondered how people are able to answer an open ended question with ease. I've always argued that it's not specific enough to actually answer. It's about as useful as asking "say something, would you?" to which most people's reply would be "about what?"

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@AutomaticDuck300 5 месяцев назад

If it’s open ended, usually you can say what you interpret it to mean. I feel like that’s what most people do.

@XOChristianaNicole 3 года назад

Before I knew I was autistic, I took a CBT/leadership course. I always had difficulty, speaking up, in class (in a non ADHD-social manner); so, when they asked us to volunteer to introduce ourselves - I raised my hand and spoke up, to challenge myself. Well, being it was an open ended question, the only response I could think of was my social script, I use - as I’m a hairstylist; so, I adapted my introductory “monologue” (I’ve worked in entertainment since I was a teen), into better fit the environment I was, currently, in. Well, the trainer said I wasn’t being authentic - because I was basically reading from an internal script (however she worded it, at the time). Other people around her agreed, and I ABSOLUTELY. DID. NOT. UNDERSTAND. Throughout that training course, I found people would think I wasn’t “doing the work” - because it was a class where people were working through their emotions, and were emotional. I wasn’t there, yet - because I was still processing, everything; and being my energy was zapped, from being around so many emotional people and attempting to process everything, I was very monotoned, minimal emotion. I ended up having to fake much of my emotions, throughout the trainings, to which - wasn’t always believable either (this is why I decided to pursue music over acting). I had yet to apply the tools to my own life, so, I hadn’t had a chance to analyze how to effectively make them work, in my own life. So, when I continued to the leadership course, I was rather disconnected from the group; as even though I am definitely a people person - I’m always on the outside, observing; if I am not the leader of the group (I am typically the “alpha” female type; where I always do my own thing, will end up with a small group of misfits, that I become the leader of - for a while - until there’s some miscommunication and/or I am feeling like I can not longer connect with the group, any longer. While the more “popular” people [Hollywood was still very much like high school] I’d be cool with some, and their friends would be absolute assholes]. This had such an impact, during the trainings, I was still being seen as “not doing the work” and almost got kicked out. Until two weeks before we graduated, everything just freakin’ CLICKED; and I ended up receiving the nickname Phoenix, because the way I stepped up - a head of everyone else - was an incredible surprise, to the entire team. I’ve only realized I’m autistic, the last two months; an autistic friend of mine - who I connect with, GREATLY - is the one who recognized it. I’m 33, now; and I took those trainings at 22. Though I fully believed they saved my life, because of the manner I grew up and was programmed to think - the physical result of stress nearly killed me; keeping me bedridden/homebound for nearly the past 7yrs. However, now that I know I am on the autistic spectrum, it’s amazing to have so many questions and guilt - that I’ve had for so long, regarding my entire life, though, especially regarding my experiences going through that training - answered and relieved.

@jesuschristkillmealready5419 3 года назад

Did the CBT course actually help you? Would you recommend it for learning social skills?

@sylviabarnes5928 2 года назад

@@jesuschristkillmealready5419 hey, just thought I'd share what I've heard about that from a professional, which is that CBT isn't good for autistic people. I haven't tried it, or done research on it so it's worth looking into yourself! But thought I'd share that it may not be ideal

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@sugarbeesour8654 8 месяцев назад

CBT is awful for me. I do not understand how someone can take a fact and turn it into something positive. I told my therapist "I can wear rode colored glasses, but it'll still smell like sh!+." I prefer DBT.

@ari3lz3pp 3 года назад

This reminds me of "would you rather" questions and how I drive some people crazy because I don't like answering without enough details. Answering these kinds of questions with more questions. But definitely is a weakness in most social situations. My husband's family has a lot of people with ADHD and such and they change topics very quickly. It was extremely difficult and actually depressing trying to keep up in the beginning. They thought I was stuck-up because I didn't engage much....but I wanted to so badly!!! I was just 3 topics behind most the time. Lol

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@SmallSpoonBrigade Год назад

I remember as a kid having ice cream and all the kids thinking about the things they'd do to get the ice cream and just completely missing the point. The thing was supposed to be ridiculously over the top as an expression of the desire for the treat. 30+ years later I finally get it. Sigh, back to work on my time machine so that I can finally benefit from some of this learning.

@cruelcumber5317 4 года назад

I remember one time in high school that we had to take some event in our lives and write it as a memoir and I never did the paper because I legitimately couldn't figure out what to write about. I spent a lot of time thinking about it and could never pin down any story even though I almost certainly had *something* worth telling.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@rocksolid6494 3 месяца назад

Asking autistics open-ended questions has been the fertile ground for so much humor!

@NothingByHalves 2 года назад

Along with the beautiful question of "can you be more specific?" (thank you @Holly Brown), when someone wants a history of something, a good question to ask is "how far back do you want me to go?" I was a deer in the headlights at corporate training sessions or group meetings because every time I would be caught out by the "introduce yourself" on the spot, round the table interrogation (which is how I see it) and at team meetings they would ask people to add on "name a change you would like to see implemented" as I could never think of any of the brilliant ideas I'd had on the spot and had to keep updating my ideas as they were used up by other people around the table, which led me to forget my name, my job role, and probably where I lived. I found it much easier to introduce the person next to me, and I wish I'd had the nerve to suggest "one change I would like to see is the end to round table introductions, where people are unnecessarily put on the spot". But the odd thing was that every other person seemed to expect this at the start of every meeting and I was the only one who forgot every single time and wasn't prepared. I have a list of fun facts I remember about myself, which was part of a game where people had to guess which one was the lie. And of course, one fun fact could always be "I have autism, which leads to an interesting life - where would you like me to begin?"

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@NothingByHalves Год назад

@@juniormako6184 go away. Thanks.

@amberrichards8078 4 года назад

Thanks for sharing. The more I hear what people say about being Autistic the more I know that I am on the spectrum. I know exactly what you mean about open ended questions.

@rebeccamay6420 2 года назад

Same here: the more I learn, the more I am convinced of it myself. I want to share so many of these things I'm learning about myself.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@simonretallick9800 4 года назад

Thank you for this! Hit the spot for me too. Coming home from a meeting being asked ‘How did it go?’ was guaranteed to put me in a panic and absolutely nothing would come to mind.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@TheGamingEngi 4 года назад

OMG. this explains something to me. My father used for 1 or 2 decades to ask me "what's up?" and he was really adamant about it and wanted me to tell him everything from that, but I never knew what to tell him whenever he asked me that.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@davidhill5684 4 года назад

Big yes from me to this! I'm often asked insanely broad questions like "can you help?" Which always leave me stumped. As an artist I've long understood that I can only work within a frame, ie. some limitation, either a physical limit or a subject maybe. Given total freedom of choice is just overwhelming. So I have to do what you describe with open questions, chop them up into smaller and more specific elements. Well said! This is the first time I've heard this explained or described.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@MRTJ434 4 года назад

I always wondered why I struggled with questions at school and in daily life. I was diagnosed when I was 8 but never understood it. You have helped me a heap with understanding Aspergers

@dagnytaggart5955 4 года назад

Ha! I was diagnosed at 59. I could convert kilometres into miles in my head but 'what did you like about the movie?, no way.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@dustyscribe8397 4 года назад

Every week in Sunday school the teacher asks, "Did you do anything fun this week?" which is a question I have a number of problems with. First, I assume he means anything fun that I don't do every week (for example, I play volleyball one night a week, but I don't consider that to be a valid answer because I do it every week); second, I don't know if wants me to answer according to HIS idea of fun, or MY idea of fun, which are always different things because I have a very unusual and specific criteria for "fun"; thirdly, as soon as he asks I have absolutely no idea what I've done for the past week. When I'm out with my grandma and she asks where I'd like to go for dinner, I can't answer it. Part of it might be that I usually just don't care one way or the other because food is very low on my list of priorities, but I HAVE noticed that it's much easier when she asks something like, "Would you rather have pizza or Chinese?" That way I can just eliminate the one that doesn't sound as good to me at that time. It's also very hard for me when asked what I've done that day, not because I don't remember, but because my "alone time" and my "social time" are COMPLETELY separated in my brain. When I'm out with people during my "social time," I can't remember for the life of me what happened during my "alone time," and vice versa. And I can't answer the question "How are you?" truthfully at any time because I can't pay attention to what's happening inside me and outside me at the same time, so I always say I'm fine, when in reality I might be horribly depressed or frustrated or ecstatic. I just can't tell in the moment. I HATE OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@nataleeisjustchilling2737 Год назад

My parents always get frustrated at me when they ask what I want for dinner and I just say idk because my brain just can’t think of any dinner items plus I feel like I’m under pressure because they’re usually at the store when they call and ask me, also whenever my mom asks how was school I always reply with “school”

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@smac4749 3 года назад

These videos are absolutely fantastic! This is me to a "T", and I thought it was only me who had trouble with this. If anyone asked me what I did this week, I genuinely couldn't tell them and my coping/masking strategy* would be to make a silly joke like "Do you mean before the skydive or after the lion-taming?", just so I had something to say. Thank you so much for these videos, Paul - they are proving to be an invaluable resource for me as I start to come to terms with my probable Aspergers at the advanced age of 49. It's never too late to start to learn about yourself properly and find ways to cope better with who and what you are. *And I didn't even realise I HAD a masking strategy (or that this was even a "thing") until I watched one of your other videos!

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@Sky-Child 4 года назад

Interviewer - "Tell me a bit about yourself" "I am 5foot3 and a half, I have 20 houseplants and know a handful of Russian swearwords..." I mean... no wonder I don't get jobs!

@MsVeeVee7 4 года назад

I imagined you being on a talk show, and it cracked me up!

@x11tech45 4 года назад

@Libby Barton - You can take or leave this advice. It's just my opinion. My advice is to script an answer in your head, in advance of an interview. Talk about the interests you have and how those interests align with the job you are applying for. But always keep it short; for instance 2-3 points, no more than a few sentences per point. I have almost 50 years life experience masking, so it's impossible to condense years of masking lessons learned into a few pithy sentences. But, as a poor attempt at it, if I'm applying for an IT job and they ask me to tell them a little bit about myself, I would say: I've always had an interest in computers. As a toddler my mother put me in a box on top of a harddrive that is larger than your washing machine to put me to sleep. It sort of sunk in. Getting into Telecom was an accident. They fired the Telecom guy and gave his duties to me because "You're smart, you'll figure it out." But once I learned how complex and detailed Contact Centers were, I fell in love with the complexity and capability. I've built my career path not on what I know, but on what I don't know. Every job or hobby has its share of challenges, and digging into how things work and working to improve them gives me a real sense of purpose and direction in life. So I'm really interested in talking to you about this position to see if we'll be a good fit for each other. Obviously this script won't work for you, and if your interests are different, then some of the elements might not be easy to translate-- but to recap as a structural breakdown of my story: (1) state an interest you have, (2) Briefly explain how you first got exposed to your interest; I've found success from adding the bit about something that happened to me (being put to sleep by a giant harddrive) and making a joke about it, other anecdotes work too, (3) align your interest and strengths with how you will fit into the job, (4) conclude with a clear statement about your interest in finding a mutually beneficial relationship. Caveat: My language is masking. It's designed to imply a win:win relationship. Even NTs want a mutually beneficial relationship, even if they never say the words. I've never successfully landed a job where I answered the way instinct instructed me to answer. I also haven't tried to revise this approach since learning I was neuro-atypical. Best wishes

@cloudman1006 4 года назад

This is what I want to do then out of embarrassment I say nothing just some made up answer

@yazajag 3 года назад

@@x11tech45 This was helpful, thank you for posting with points and examples. Edit to add, I am in the creative fields so I can be a little more eccentric with my interviews depending on job, sometimes not by much.

@missliz5039 3 года назад

I'm 60 and retire and always went through Temp agencies because of my fear of interviews. Now I know. Finally 👍Thanks!

@debbieshephard5456 4 года назад

The place this hits me the hardest is on job interviews. The whole freakin' thing is just a bunch of open ended questions and I can never think of anything to say.

@krisscanlon4051 4 года назад

I am employment specialist and I am trying to better understand this to help my customers with this type of scenario. I am not on the spectrum. I am hoping to be able to impart some helpful tips during this crucial interview process.

@yousernameish 3 года назад

snap

@toriknorth3324 3 года назад

@@krisscanlon4051 Something I learned recently is that when interviewers ask "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" they don't actually want to know about your strengths and weaknesses. A better way to restate the question would be something like: "The position you're applying for has duties including [list of duties from the original posted job description]. Which of these duties can you already perform, and which ones do you need to be trained in?". Based on your comment I'm assuming that your work includes coaching people through mock interviews. As a general rule I'd say to take a generic interview question and restate it in long form along with an explicit list of assumptions that the interviewer likely wants the interviewee to already know about. Another thing that I have trouble with is that the usual ways that interviewees are expected/told to respond to interview questions feels dishonest to me. Maybe it's not lying in the strictest sense of the word, but if I don't give a complete and balanced account of my skills or whatever it feels like I'm lying. Maybe a good way to get around that would be to say "interviewers don't like negativity; only tell them positive things about yourself and don't mess around with hedge words or qualifiers". I'm not an interviewer at all and have very little concrete experience as an interviewee, but this is what I've managed to cobble together to explain interviewer behaviour to myself.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@user-rz5vl5ft3k 23 дня назад

Or say all the wrong things.

@notesfromthefield1025 3 года назад

Haha this might very much explain why I’ve always felt like most conversations feel like pop quizzes or interviews 😂😂

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@DesmoTwanipop 4 года назад

I agree as someone on the Spectrum, if someone asks me an open-ended question, I don't always know how to respond. For example, "tell me about yourself?" is one of the most difficult questions for me to answer. The thoughts that go around in my head are like- What do they mean by "tell me about yourself"- are they talking about relevant information or my life in general- I don't how I always know feel all the time. Even simpler questions like "how do you feel?" or "where do you want to go eat" get me tripped up from time to time. I'm thinking- I'm not sure- because all the potential possibilities. In conclusion, I definitely agree that most open-ended questions are difficult for a lot of autistic people and have experiences in the difficulty myself. Thank you for bringing up this topic and I enjoy your videos.

@megaanny1 3 года назад

Ahh this makes so much sense. I'm not on the spectrum (I've got add) but my friend is. She had to write her lifestory to a psychiatrist. She told me her story before in great detail. But she couldn't manage to write it. She said that my questions helped her. Thank you for helping me understand my friend better.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@alexb.poetry 3 года назад

Also “What would you like to drink” when at someone’s house...I want to know everything that’s on offer first so I can make an informed decision.

@nalanihamby3710 3 года назад

For real! I'm going to automatically say water because I know it's a safe answer.

@szalala 3 года назад

I always just answer, "what do you have?" (as do many people around me) and it seems to be a perfectly fine response. And as far as I know, I'm neurotypical. Unless you are a regular visitor and you know what drinks this person usually has, it's just unmindful of the person asking this question to ask it like that and not tell what you can choose from.

@mathilda6763 2 года назад

@@nalanihamby3710 yeah, me too. If I say tea or coffee they ask which kind and how and the material of some cups feels really bad. Juice and soft drinks are often way too sour. Water is usually in a glass and it's always available, so I don't have to spontaneously change mind. Though I have been to places where the tap water tastes/smells weird.

@nalanihamby3710 2 года назад

@@mathilda6763 funny cups and funky tap water are no fun for sure!

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@phoenixrising4031 2 года назад

I love how you present this information. This is also helpful to those of us who love someone who might be an aspie! Totally helps me understand their communication style!

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@user-mp4dw8wp8l 5 месяцев назад

You explained this experience perfectly! My life changed ever since i met my partner; he is SO direct, makes specific questions and avoids small talk, which was a problem with my ex partner

@Undercover_Pineapple 4 года назад

YES!!!! Oh my! This is absolutely my experience!! I hadn't really considered that other Aspies felt this way too!! Thank you!!

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@MicahTurnerMusic 4 года назад

trying to think of times i struggled with open ended questions but ..nothing comes to mind

@Sky-Child 4 года назад

Hahaha

@deanamyers57 3 года назад

Same here 🙄😜

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@memenazi7078 2 года назад

“Are you ok?” Triggers me a little.

@alexb.poetry 3 года назад

Great video 👍 I 😬 at “Tell me a bit about yourself” - “How are you” - “What have you been up to” - “What’s new?” and “How was your week / weekend”. Inside I’m drawing blanks so I usually have something prepared before I see people!

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@Opezi001 2 года назад

This is such a good video thank you. I struggle so much with open ended questions and draw a blank. In some social situations I will just observe what everyone else is saying to then try to base my answer off of what I hear from the others.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@berritandersen288 3 года назад

I love your channel. It makes me understand my loved ones on the spektrum better.🧡

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@kensears5099 Год назад

Oh my oh my oh my, I cannot BELIEVE how exactly this is my experience. People ask me open questions, I momentarily flounder, even rather desperately inside, scrambling for a point of reference, some "hook" or, like you said, a "prompt" to give me actual ground, a "surface" on which to respond, and it's just awful because I'm feeling incompetent, totally inept at this interaction. What I have learned to do, though, as a coping mechanism, is to think to myself, "Alright, I really have no idea what kind of information this person is looking for, so here's what I'll do: I'll just pick a specific context and talk about that. If it meets this person's expectation, fine, and if not then, well, the burden will be on him/her to clarify, since it's not really my fault for failing to respond specifically to a non-specific question."

@knut5328 3 года назад

i didn't know this was a asperger thing. i do it as well. whenever someone asks me something like "tell us a fun fact about yourself" i get a slight panic attack inside my head followed up by a mental block. and i will desperately try to dig out something interesting to say, but it usually ends up in a pass or a painfully awkward silence

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@Shadow-zf5uc Год назад

I always say that the absolute worst thing anyone can say in a job interview is, "So tell me about yourself"

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@acharris 3 года назад

I was always that one person who had difficulty answering open ended questions about myself, like "what is your favorite genre of music?" I never understood how everyone else could just answer those questions without more than a little hesitation

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@polyrhythmia 4 года назад

What if open-ended questions were a tool used to weed out people with autism?

@iamme5730 4 года назад

Like.............................weed them out and then ignore them?

@megaanny1 3 года назад

You use them to be as objective a possible. You don't wanna colour in what the other person is saying before they get a chance to speak. If you ask "that icecream is tasty, right?" They are more likely to just agree with you and you will never know if they actually like the icecream. You might wanna ask "what do you think about this icecream". They will have to think for themselves if they actually like it or not. Or they will think about other icecreams they tasted. You might get a story of someone eating the perfect icecream in Italy or something. Usually it is good to ask questions to make someone think. They are mentally working on the subject. They feel the feelings. Oke the icecream subject isn't really that deep. But I hope you get the point. That's why psychiatrists love the "how do you feel about that" question.

@Leah_FC 3 года назад

It wouldn’t work because NTs with social anxiety can be the same lol

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@LucyBeth1975May 3 месяца назад

Thank you for all your info Paul!!!

@Stephanie568 4 года назад

Yes! For a lot of open ended questions like "how are you?" I repeat what my mom always said (which is "fine") even when it's not true but I think my mom is picking up on this because, sometimes, in the morning she'll ask me "how are you feeling this moring?" or "how are you doing this morning?" and I feel like I can answer correctly with "I'm tired still" without my mind going blank and taking to long to answer.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@DaveDoingDaveThings 4 года назад

Had my first part of my Autism assessment today over the phone which I really didn't like. The guy asked a LOT of open ended questions and I struggled with them. After the interview when I'd calmed down a bit I realised that I went into a sort of panic mode after a while and started to desperately grab for info in my mind, just anything to satisfy the question because it was very difficult.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@loriwhitney965 2 года назад

You have changed my life...thank you❤

@NidusFormicarum 4 года назад

The funny thing that I often ask very open questions myself although I have AS. That's because the purpose is not to get specific information, but to make the person want to talk about him- or herself. That may seem "normal", but it is actually the neorotypical persons that think my questions are too general. That's because neorotypical persons typically want a fluent conversation an initial rather open question and than more specific follow-up questions as they talk about themself as a way of feeling that the person they are

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@alienwizard3695 4 года назад

Great advice, thank you Sir. Sorry I missed the premiere, my internet was not working.

@verobutterfly3029 12 дней назад

Thank you so much for this video. Yes, I don’t like this kind of questions. I feel very vulnerable at that moment. I don’t know why I feel like I feel lost and I feel.

@nordichuntress 4 года назад

Paul, do you think this applies in relationships, as well? Like asking something like, "Where do you see our relationship going?" versus "Do you see us getting married?" As an NT, prompts can feel like putting someone on the spot for yes or no, or putting words in their mouth, but maybe that's the better alternative? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

@RosscoAW 4 года назад

Personally -- and this is just me, an autistic guy with medicated comorbid ADHD -- I vastly, VASTLY prefer the second. And, yes, it can come across as being put on the spot or prompted, but frankly? I understand that prompt, I know what to do in that situation (without having to mask impulsively), and to be honest it's a lot easier to start from a prompt the NT understands (common ground) and build off of it from there, if necessary. For example, in that exact situation of being asked, "Do you see us getting married?" My response would be an unphased -- and relieved -- yes or no with qualifiers. Yes, I see us getting married; if we remain communicative and open to the same life trajectory. No, I don't see us getting married, but I do see us being able to relate with each other and support each other better than alone. Or whatever. Whereas, "Where do you see our relationship going?" it's like......... what the actual fuck am I actually being asked LOL. Figuring out the actual question takes SO much effort (who is this person, what's happened to them today, did we just have a conversation(s) to prompt this on their part, what's their personality indicate, etc etc etc) to be able to determine what answer or range of answers they're fishing for so you can then assess how to satisfy or reject the logic behind the question and... yeah. To be fair, though, that's also because that first question is just SO abstract and non-specific it could indicate where we're going for dinner, how I think we are physically/sexually, an insecure question about their own performance or communication in the relationship, something vague about the possibility of children or marriage, yadda yadda. It's like being asked to throw the dart board at the darts, kind of. I'd much rather be given a specific dart and left to aim it at said dart board properly according to my own capabilities (I'm really muddling metaphors/analogies here to try to extend the dart board analogy but I think it makes sense?) Sorry for the ramble, hope it was a little bit helpful. ^^;

@peterwynn2169 4 года назад

@@RosscoAW Hell, yes! I remember a woman asking me what I wanted out of meeting her, and I thought, "My God, if I say I want to get married, she'll sprint a mile," whereas if I say, "Well, we'll see how it goes. It's early days, yet," she might think I'm not interested.

@peterwynn2169 4 года назад

@@RosscoAW, mind you, I am single and that's fine.

@lFrenzied 4 года назад

@@RosscoAW lovely ramble, I enjoyed reading it and I relate so much

@verabolton 3 года назад

"Yes, I can see us married and it scares the hell out of me" ...

@garethc8863 4 года назад

Wow, this really strikes a chord with me, there have been so many times that I’ve been asked a broad question and feel like my mind tries to hone it in to something specific and just gets overwhelmed with the different possibilities. Sometimes I cope by having a standard answer or list of answers to a specific broad question.

@agrotta1650 4 года назад

Me too!!

4 года назад

I do this too... The trouble is when the person ask me another question which answer is not on my list. I simply jump this part, or, depending on the question, ask "yes".

@agrotta1650 4 года назад

@Rather than having a list, have a formula. That's the strategy I had to develop. I used to get spanked All the time because i couldn't answer my mom's open ended questions. The word DO denotes ACTION 1. What do you DO? a. What is the context *Who is asking? Usually they want to know about your job. *Where are you when being asked? "A lumber yard(that is the context/setting)? If you are just buying wood to build a playset, then just say what you do for your payed job, and then say I'm just here getting wood to build playset. 2. What did you DO today? a. Think about who is asking and in what type of setting. Is it your boss? *Think about the work or projects you Finished and the projects and work you did work on but have not completed. b. Is it a friend? * Think about telling them the projects you have worked on at home ie. Gardening, cooking a meal you love to make and eat, watching a favourite show or movie.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@Crouteceleste 3 года назад

"what's your favourite song? your favourite author? what did you do over the week-end?" well…let me think about it and come back to you in an email, okay ?

@rylsahawneh3662 3 года назад

And end up sending a miniature book? Especially for “what did you do over the weekend?”

@rebeccamay6420 2 года назад

People can actually pick "A" Favorite? You mean "One" Favorite? Uhhh... (step into choice paralysis for a while) ... There are too many options to pick Just One!

@Crouteceleste 2 года назад

@@rebeccamay6420 Just this week, someone asked me what my favorite flower was. I truly could not bring myself to cite less than 5 species 😂 (which are : dandelions, violets, bellflowers, dog roses, and fuchsias in case you were wondering 😁)

@justinevans6546 3 года назад

I usually say ssdd or just mirror their bs back at them, people don’t like me, and I like that, because I’m not shallow and superficial like the heard

@darkblade9745 3 года назад

Job interviews are so hard for me and I assume a lot of autistics especially when they ask “tell me about yourself” or “what are you good at”

@AJ-sp7xd 3 года назад

Interviewer: So, what are you good at? Me:.....Anxiety.

@darkblade9745 3 года назад

Yeah lol

@Taoscape 2 месяца назад

This is very interesting. I have been learning a bit about this world and asking questions. Ironically, I like to ask open ended questions so that I am not skewing the answer by leading the answer to a specific result. It is a better approach scientifically you could say, but, wow, I never knew it was a problem!

@sweetlooweeze Год назад

Thank you for this wonderful video. its perfect.

@RM-fs8ub 4 года назад

Living in Africa and am learning too that some questions stump my young adult in the house! Thanks for this video... Only knew about it recently so am still on a learning curve. Fascinating.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@drasco61084 4 года назад

I thought it was just me, I have struggled with this my whole life. Writing essays/stories on tests I just blank. People asking me what's your favorite ___? Does not compute, except for a select few categories. If something wasn't on my mind I know the disk with the information is *somewhere* but not sure where.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@orderinchaos 3 года назад

Very interesting video - thanks. I have huge issues with it at university, and even failed a couple of units because I was not able to pick a topic (whether a genuinely open choice or a choice from quite a long list), even after weeks of trying. Things like "elevator pitch" and so on are really tough as well. This considering I have no problems getting HDs otherwise. NT lecturers seem to have absolutely no idea this is a problem for some students.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@jiovaniloncarevic Год назад

I was finally diagnosed at 25 years old. After watching this video I was like "holy shit! this literally explaines the biggest pain in the ass in my daily life!" This held me back from so many opportunities and relationships! Now I can actually move forward a bit better😊

@sugarhardlyknowher 4 года назад

Great topic and insight, Paul! When I'm asked open ended questions in a professional setting I start to sweat and my face turns a bit red as I try to think of any response at all. In a conversation with my husband or a friend I feel a little more comfortable asking them to clarify or be more specific, though it can still be embarrassing 😬

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@mpatterson5136 4 года назад

This makes me think of job interviews I’ve had. When the questions are specific I do great but when they are open and vague I do bad and end up not getting a call back.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on RU-vid. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too

@ccwilliams316 9 месяцев назад

Oh, wow..this explains so much! That is why I lose at trivia games done orally but ace written tests.

@BarbaraMerryGeng 3 года назад

Lots of good insight here 👍🏼

@euanelliott3613 4 года назад

I am autistic and schizophrenic. I don't instigate conversations and I struggle to counter questions from people. How are you? Isn't too difficult as I can say Not bad, and keep walking, but if someone says How's your day been? I struggle to relate what happened that day, or why they would want to know. I like people as long as they don't get involved with me too much or expect more from me than I'm prepared to give. Occasional chats are nice, but constant questions are too taxing for me to cope with. I don't go to parties....

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@jackblankenship90 7 месяцев назад

Thanks for making me smile

@thelwulfeoforlic6482 4 года назад

How can you do FaceBook? I’m a 55 year old diagnosed High Functioning Autistic (formally known as Aspergers) and was signed up,against my will, for 3 days before the stress of the situation almost tipped me over the edge and my then partner, (a psychiatric social worker) made the ‘helpful’ friend cancel my registration. I’ve often asked what the point of FB is, I’ve been told it’s to contact people, isn’t that what eMail and phones are for? “Oh you can sell things on it”, isn’t that the function of online shops / Etsy et-al? In reality who’s actually interested in what you did last night, where and with whom? apart from the security services and the advertisers FB sell your data to of course!

@a8lg6p 4 года назад

Well, I used it for years to argue about politics/philosophy etc. But I quit drinking, and now I don't even feel slightly tempted to check it anymore. I think it's mostly a waste of time. You're probably better off staying away from it.

@redswap Год назад

Oh a little trick you can use to answer open ended questions is to answer it back using itself. Here's an example: 1) Receive the question: "What have you done this week?" 2) Answer the question using itself: "I have done what I have done this week" 3) Specify the general answer: "I went to a meeting of autistic people this week" (this is a random example) I know this trick because I actually used it a lot when I was answering philosophical questions when I was in my "solve all philosophy" period.

@nickbooker5579 Год назад

Sometimes the first thing that comes to mind isn't something I am sure I can share in a certain context, so I stumble. Usually because it's to do with my current interest I feel awkward about having or haven't disclosed yet, or it has a political connection that could rub people the wrong way if they ask why I am doing this, or they probably aren't interested in this, or it's something I don't have the energy to explain right now, or something I don't want to open up to everyone at the table about. But I can't find an acceptable alternative quickly enough. My eyes dart all over the place or I shut my eyes while I find something to say. Sometimes I finish formulating an answer after the conversation has moved on around me. But sometimes just can't dig anything out at all like in the video. I'll try to remember and use Holly Brown's hint about asking the asker to be more specific - makes sense. I'm not diagnosed, but am very suspicious I may be autistic. This is one of the reasons.

@basti-.- 4 года назад

Another one that bugs me is a perfect yes-no question followed by another question making the meaning of the yes and no answers ambiguous. "Would you like something to drink? Or maybe something to eat?" "Yes, please"

@rainbo777 4 месяца назад

A patient I was working with told me much of the height lights of her life history, which was very interesting - she then asked me “what’s your life story?” And I totally froze up. I was stupefied for a moment , and decided just to tell her what my life is like at this moment. Especially as a trans person, who didn’t feel like disclosure in that context I had no clue what to say it was a little terrifying to be asked such a huge question!!

@CoglinSherback Год назад

When i ask clarifying questions people get mad at me. When i try to predict what they mean people get mad at me. When i do exactly as i say, people get mad at me. And no matter how much i advocate and ask for communication accommodation, it's never given and people get mad when i do actively advocate. I'm exhausted constantly.

@paulgrammarian9774 4 года назад

I'd never cared less about open-ended questions until I started learning English 12 years ago. So it might explain my struggling with learning English. especially in terms of successfully passing the language test.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@hcrisc 7 месяцев назад

I'm a neurotypical, although I'm a bipolar and I struggle with social anxiety and agoraphobia, and my life is pretty much a mess, but I do know that it's very very different from an austistic person's experience of prognosis and such (sorry, and do correct me if I say anything problematic). And what I have to share here is that my husband is autistic, and this need for specific prompt when asking a question is something I kinda learned within our communication. I saw him do what you just described in so many situations when I would ask something very broad, and I would try different questions and ask what specifically was the difficulty etc. But, I have to say, it's not easy to find the right words to put in the sentences. Maybe it's because of my neurotypical mind, I really don't have a clue. But I have much much interest in learning how to communicate better with him, how to provide support and how to be empathetic. Meeting him is the best thing that happened in my life, he's completely understanding and supportive of my psychological issues, I never met anyone so who would treat me with the respect he does. I wanna give back all the support he has given me. I want to help make his life better just as he helps make mine. That's why I'm very interested in such topics. Please, I would like to suggest a playlist dedicated to topics of family and friends interest. Thank you!

@Lico-mo9hf 4 года назад

I have a hard time with open questions the answers I give to open questions are to me so boring Im not interested in my own answers but if I get a more specific question I can give a "better" answer or an answer I like more. I really like quizzes just because they ask you specific questions and have answers I just love it :)

@iamme5730 4 года назад

You hit the nail on the head, when you said. "I'm not interested in my own answer". That's true also for me.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@rylsahawneh3662 3 года назад

This explains why I don’t like certain types of questions I’m job interviews!

@karthin8017 11 месяцев назад

Open ended questions have been bane of my existence in the professional world. I can't count how many times I've made matters worse in a situation where I'm asked the question, " Why did you do such and such? " My answer would come across like I was making excuses or that I wasn't learning a lesson from my mistakes, etc.. I would see how it was being received, and I would start to internally panic because I knew that if I was accurately conveying my thoughts, The response wouldn't be quite this negative. I had learned from my mistake. In fact my worldview is based upon seeking information that helps me understand my unknown self, so I'm actively looking for mistakes to learn from. However... The question they asked was, " Why did you do that? " So, as I saw it the only correct way to answer that question was to explain my thought process at the moment I did that, which didn't include the new information I had gathered and learned from when I made the mistake.

@jessicaborgogni9595 3 года назад

It's something I really, really struggle with. It affects writing about myself , for example. But I like Paul's strategy here! I think I can apply this. I will pick one (or more) keywords and see how to string them together.

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@radustanciu4843 9 месяцев назад

My top loathsome questions: "How are you ?", "What have you been doing lately ?", "How was it ?", "Is it cold outside ?"

@necordektox879 2 месяца назад

I feel this strongly about psychiatry and talk therapy. I don't know where to begin about what's wrong with me or why I am the way I am, or even what things would be relevant to bring up.

@ItsMeSaulLOL 2 месяца назад

I have a autistic friend "in school" and I want to help him so I'll watch this video

@NidusFormicarum 4 года назад

...often make a bunch of very general questions and then expect the other person to open up and talk freely without having to make any further questions. But people usually don't like an avalanche of questions.

@princessrachida8092 3 года назад

@5:16 🤯 "what did you learn this week? Any answer is a good one." Couldnt think anymore after that..

@CLGlitter76 3 года назад

Yes I can definitely relate to this.

@Purple_Lili05 2 года назад

I have an aspie boyfriend and I asked him, "what's your address, love?". And he was like, "what love?". And i answered, " i mean from where you are living right now". And he said , " Im at the train station right now love." I definitely laughed and told him he's cute and after that i explained it into more and more specific until he understood it. I love my boyfriend so much because he's so loyal and very kind. And, Cute. HONEST as well . So honest.

@kaistinakemperdahl9667 2 года назад

I'm not diagnosed but very much relating to the things you say (gatthering the courage to get an assessment at the moment.) The things I relate to often take my by surprise. I didn't expect to relate to this video much, but there was me a couple of weeks ago in an online class where we were supposed to split up in groups and discuss the things we had read. And I sat in mygroup having no clue what to say and ending up talking aboutsomethong completely different. And now, I watch this vidoe and think „that's why!“

@juniormako6184 Год назад

@tl7163 Год назад

Here is a tip that I have used: body language! I stand like I’m the king of the room, and although you can’t control micro facial movements and maybe even other facial movements, if you can just control your posture and your arms then your winning half the battle !!! Try it …

@heide-raquelfuss5580 3 года назад

The best thing for me, is living off grid, with my dog or dogs and animals, who say hi... I wish, that i had this known, when i was in my 20's. It feels, like i wasted my life to 'fit' in. I worked so hard on myself, but i did not realize, it was not going to work enough to be like a normal person. Because i wanted to change my autistic behaviors, intsead of accepting them and build a life around my autism. I am drained to the point of total collaps, where i realize now...I should of put my energy in building a life off grid and live with my loved ones ( my animal love ). And see, what i can learn to sustain myself. I should of worked only to buy land and building a little cabin. Where you can grow things, have chickens for eggs. And maybe fishing. Even that is terrible to me, because i do not like killing any animal. Socializing and dealing with so many stress factors is not living... It is pure exhaustion, chronic confusion, meeting people all the time, who have not the best interrest in mind with you. They sense your vulnerability from far and use recklessly. I have cptsd and so much more health issues. The chronic high stress is not helping to overcome your physical and mental issues, together with aspergers. I bless you all wonderfull people, because you are here to learn. That is a thing to be proud of. NT do lesser work and expect constant admiration and understanding. But we also want to be understood. It goes both ways. Kind regards.

@Pinedirt_ 3 года назад

oh wow i didn't realize this was really a thing. i knew i can never find a good answer for questions people ask me, but it never crossed my mind that this wasn't just how it is for everyone.