It absolutely breaks my heart to hear you questioning yourself Kev. It is clear from everything you do for Andy, that you’ve got nothing but his best interest at heart. I’m glad to hear your getting somewhere with the new social worker though, seems like a silver lining to this craziness. I think getting Andy into a new school will be a positive move to the light at the end of the tunnel that you all deserve so much. I’m glad the giraffe print made you smile, I saw it and thought of you. I hope that the toy story and buses made Andy smile too. Hope you’re all well and sending positivity your way as always. ☺️
Respect to you mate, I used to work in a college for young adults with Autism and know the difficulty of those situations. Sorry you're not able to access the training you're asking for, that is frustrating. It's horrible to hear you doubting yourself and I hope that you're able to have better days and more adequate support soon.
My daughter has been struggling with very similar meltdowns. She spent 9 days at a psych hospital and I regret it now but we too feel helpless. They drugged her and now we are dealing with a very sedated child. It breaks my heart. We needed help and they didn’t know how to handle her. We are currently weaning her off the new meds and pray we get a good balance. The guilt is overwhelming. My heart goes out to you. Take care
It’s very hard when a parent has to face this situation but I think you know what the next stage is. When it's becoming a risk to you guys and himself, its time to make those hard choices. In a facility, he would be safe and you would too.
Hey Andy I work with young people with sen and I only can imagine the struggle you Anna and Andy go through daily. I had restraining training called maybo think it might be called something else now but it is actually defusing the situation but safely and keeping you all safe. I hope you do get it all sorted :)
As someone who had just stumbled upon this channel after watching a silly amount of your FM stuff I want to say you and Anna sounds like saints with more patience that most of the world. Good luck to you guys.
Heartbreaking to hear Kevin and you guys are such amazing people to be able to work through this. I think its amazing you can also share the experience, both good and bad with this community, it may help you but I think it also helps others even not in the same position but with unrelated problems know that they are not alone in their struggles. Hope you can enjoy Christmas and take care of each other.
Much love to you and your family. I'm a single father (38) with an autistic girl (7). She has meltdowns. I find getting her to switch tracks in her mind if possible can help (basically a distraction tactic). Also meditation to reduce anxiety/stress; slow things down, breathing exercises, scents and such. Thank you for sharing your experiences, you're an inspiration!
thank you for sharing this, I know it's hard but, it helps those of us out here who are also dealing with similar issues. We wish you all the best of course. I hope our support helps you when you are feeling overwhilmed.
I have some suggestions that may help Andy during a meltdown. Wrapping him in a weighted blanket as it may help him to feel safe and grounded and will minimise him hurting himself and you. Also if you have a huge soft toy or pillow to act as a barrier this also helps with damage control and is a non threatening approach. You can hug him using the soft toy. Some children go into fight or flight if they think they are going to be restrained. Social stories can also help, you could make your own personalised one for him. Have you heard of NVR? It's worth looking into. I'm happy you have a supportive social worker.
The first idea wouldn’t work unless they offer him the blanket instead of putting it around him themselves, sensory meltdowns make it uncomfortable to be touched or to feel some different items and textures
This is heart breaking to hear. My heart goes out to you all. You shouldn't question yourself kev. You are doing the best you can. You aren't letting andy down but the system is. Social services and everyone else needs to pull their fingers out and get you all the help you need. Big hugs to you all. You and Anna are doing an amazing job xxx
My 13 year old son is on the spectrum and I'm having such a hard time with it all aswell.. Iv had doors kicked off the hinges, he's put holes in his bedroom wall, punching his step dad and hitting his younger brother, I'm at my wits end... Your not alone 💙
I am a 1 on 1 special education teaching assistant, i work in supply so have to deal with autistic children who do not know me and can often can violent “meltdowns”. I have complete empathy for you and your son in this current world situation. I find it very effective to offer children in crisis a “way out”. A child who is high in emotion and struggling to deal with it and reacting violently will very quickly take any opportunity to get out of that situation and climb down from that high emotion crisis mode they are in. This can mean a number of things, offer him a change of room, a new game to play, a new tv show, a new toy, the list is endless. Sometimes you have to remove ur presence from the situation as ur size as an adult and power status as a carer can increase his anxiety and block his “way out”. I dont claim this to be perfect strategy but as im sure you know autism is a wonderful complex condition and one rule does not fit all
Dear Andy, I'm so sorry you had such a hard time on Monday. I hope you know your mummy and daddy love you, and that they are trying to make life as easy on you as it can be, and to keep you safe. Try to get lots of rest - you're probably very very tired. When I had big violent meltdowns they made me very tired for a lot of time afterwards. Be kind to your mummy and daddy. They are sad. I hope you feel better soon. Xx
My son is 3 he was diagnosed with autism at age 1 , we are going through a ehcp now and all has been accepted , little man is starting special school next year :) , I love watching your videos and so does my husband , we can relate to so much , thankyou so much for sharing your video , you and your wife are doing such and amazing job with Andy :)
So sorry to hear about andy meltdown its hard my daughter has autism and adhd very hard and challenging hope yous all have a good Christmas and stay save
Hi Kevin and Anna, my nearly 12 year old headbutts things (in meltdown, in frustration, as a sensory thing for many different reasons) and has done since the age of 6... I understand the uncertainty of what to do in a situation like that and trying to work out what to do for the best with regard to restraint, I have holes in my walls, he has put his head through schools tables etc its a very difficult thing to witness and try and figure out. I hope you get some support soon x
Hey Kev , We are all here behind you , hope you have a great Christmas despite the struggles over the past week or so . You and Anna are amazing parents and how you support your son is truly inspiring and any parent with a child special needs or not would commend I’m 16 years old I was diagnosed with ASD at 9 years old along with other conditions and mental health problems such as Anxiety, depression , Tourette’s and more and it’s amazing to see you as parents supporting Andy the way you do as I know I wouldn’t be where I am today without my amazing parents
Keeping everything crossed for a school place soon! I work in a childrens residential home specialising in autism, challenging behaviour and acute brain injury. Best safer handling training i have ever had was 'PRICE' training. Which stands for 'protecting rights in a caring envornment'. If you can get in one of those courses i would highly recommend them. Its so informative and they go through every scenario possible. Its less about restraint, more about protecting yourself and andy from harm in a controlled manor. ❤❤
I feel for you and the family a lot. I’m an adult support worker and find your channel so interesting to see more of a perspective for parents. I am team teach trained, and restrain ONLY for clients safety, ie if they are a danger to themselves or others. It is a horrible thing to have to do, especially when they are in crisis as although you’re doing the right thing you feel awful for restraining. I wish I was closer and could help! It WILL get better, you’re doing a really good job❤️
I have only recently come across you video uploads and watched quite a few now. In all I seen both you and Anna has shown love compassion and try to do the best by your son. My heart goes out to you both when I see you upset and can't imagine the planning that goes into your routines for a normal life. Wish you both well
You don't need to beat yourself up about this kev, i know its a crappy sitauation but its clear youd give your all for andy, you're doing the absolute best you can and i hope you get the training you need to keep andy safe, i wish you and your family the absolute best this christmas and hopefully andy has the great christmas he deserves, we're all behind you kev!
That happened to me on January 2nd, 2021 when my sister opened the door to the room where I put my cat in timeout and it really set me off. It was an extremely violent meltdown because I broke a door frame by slamming a door way too hard. It was just out of control and my whole family ended up having a rough day because of my extremely violent meltdown. After I calmed down by a percentage range of 69%-85%in that case, I fled from my house. Things are better today, but I still got some time to myself away from my family because I desperately needed it.
Keven, just know....Andy is so lucky to have you as his dad. That kid hit the jackpot, getting born to the mother he did. And to get to call you dad...man he’s lucky. While certain things may be getting harder, just remember, that you are a fantastic dad. To your beautiful girls, and to Andy. Andy deserves the world, and he truly did get the best mom and dad. People can say what they want, but you are and always will be his REAL dad. The man he knows as his father. The man who is there for him in all of his best moments, and even all his worst moments. But you’re THERE. And that..is everything. Andy is going to succeed in this life, no matter what that may look like for him. Because he’s got two parents who are going to ensure his happiness. And I’ve no doubt that while he may struggle, and while some tough times are ahead as he gets older, I KNOW that he’s gonna do nothing but flourish. And that’s because of you and his amazing mother.
: : my heart breaks for what you have been through! I know first hand restraining while also trying to be safe is so difficult to experience! Does he have a regular calm down routine? My ASD child & I have a calm down routine we practice everyday when he is regulated and then I had to learn how to catch his meltdowns before they escalate by very slight changes in his energy & behavior and I check in with him before the meltdown starts and say “how are you feeling” “let’s do our calm down routine” and I tell him every single time to remember I expect him to do his calm down routine if he wants his big kid rewards” not sure if that approach works for Andy (and you probably have tried something like that I am sure) but my child is highly reward motivated so the expectation that my child will be rewarded when he can calm down before the meltdown escalates but doesn’t get big kid rewards if he chooses not to do his calm down routine was enough motivation for my child to learn how to calm himself down on his own. But trust me it took years of practice of him learning how to check in with his body, thoughts, & feeling (being self aware) and being consistent in setting that expectation and never giving in or giving up in order for it to work for us. It was a very challenging but incredible relief when he got it down. Thinking positive thoughts you all find a solution that works for you all soon! Happy Holidays! : :
Hi Kev, sorry to hear about what's happened, hope Andy is doing better now sending messages of love and support from my family to yours, Merry christmas 👊👊
Kevin, I truly am heartbroken to hear about Andy. Please don’t beat yourself up. You are an amazing father. Anna & Andy are so lucky to be blessed with you. I pray you can get the proper safety training very soon. Andy clearly doesn’t know his own strength. I feel so bad for him. Hopefully the social workers will do their jobs soon. So he can get the help he definitely needs. Merry Christmas to all of you. ❤️
Sorry you are having a bit of a time at the moment. I know it’s easy for me to say try not to let it get you down, but honestly it sounds like things are going to be on the up very soon.. you and Anna are amazing people and Andy and the girls are growing into just as amazing people. I hope you all have a good Christmas and a great new year xx
You are doing an amazing job. Do not ever doubt yourself kev. If you need to restrain him, you do what you need to do. If he bruises then so be it, you’re keeping him and yourself safe. The authorities are letting him down badly. He should of had a school ready to take him. They should of made sure it was ready before you moved and then eased him into the new surroundings gently. I’m so sorry you guys are having to go through this :( xxxx
Awww, my heart goes out too you. Must be so hard for you, feel like you can't do right from wrong. All you can do is what you feel is right at the time. You obviously have a good insight into Andy's autistic needs and care about him. Keep doing your best and keep up the fight for getting Andy the support he needs x
So sorry things a very tough for Andy. I think you are an inspirational dad and never forget all the amazing things you do that make as a family that make such a difference.. Have a wonderful Christmas and all the very best for the new year. By the way you look very smart in your shirt tie. Keep being an amazing family 😊
Hey there my family is in Houston and I found your video at random...it’s everything my husband and I would be saying about our kiddo non-verbal asd 21. He has gotten stronger and more violent as he has grown. My husband started the safety hold by restraining him until he calms down. It’s been a god-send. Not only does it keep him from hurting himself but he tends to break things upon the start of a meltdown so we don’t want him to step in anything broken. On the parental front know that you’re not alone You are NOT a bad parent I know in the moment your heart breaks but you and your wife are AWESOME parents hang in there. I don’t know what’s available in your area but I have no doubt you will find what’s best for your family. ASD PARENTS are fierce. Take care and I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday
Thinking of you all and I hope you can get on the safe handling course soon so you know how to help Andy during a meltdown. Also I hope you get sorted with the school and respite.
Aww you do look tired kev 😣 i hope you all still have a brilliant Christmas! Keep doing what your doing, you are doing a wonderful job and your a great dad 💓
You are an AMAZING father. You are doing everything in your power. Do not feel defeated. You aren't defeated. You hit a road bump. Andy will get there Kev. Ana... You are amazing as well. Merry Christmas you guys. I love you all. Hugs and kisses to Andy.
Sorry to hear Kev that Andy's melt downs have got bad it's hard to deal with & heart breaking that you try your very best to deal with but you will get there one day just take one step at a time I know the feeling I hope you have a good Xmas & new year 😊❤ x
So glad I've found this chanel after watching your FM stuff. My daughter is on the spectrum highly functioning. But she masks at school and then is verbally and physically abusive to me and wife at home. I really struggle with it. Wish I was half the man you are with Andy.
I am so sorry Kevin.... my heart goes out to you and the family. You are a amazing and strong man and nobody blames you for how you handle things. You are amazing don’t you forget that. Not all hero’s wear capes and you are one of those. I will continue to pray for you all and don’t be scared to do what is best for you all. Nobody has the right to judge you for that. 👍❤️💚🎄🎁
I've actually went through autism meltdowns but because of it I nearly deleted myself but I just to realised life is the most valuable this and I'm sorry about to hear about his meltdown, he needs to do his best to improve on his health, we're all here for you. I hope you all have a great christmas and your son gets then help that he needs.
Ohhh, keV. I'm sorry to hear about this. Please be taking good care of yourself and Anna and Andy to the best of your ability. I'm glad you told the social worker and they took action. I hope you get the safe handling training quickly. It sounds like you did a pretty good job of restraining him relatively safely, so well done you for that! I know you probably feel very alone, but I get it, I remember how it was for everyone when I had meltdowns like that, and am praying for you. I know you don't believe in prayer, but I do and I think it's all I can do.
I am on the spectrum... it very much helped me having a room or area with soft play toys such a balls pillows etc to hit the f*ck out of until I was in a calmer position to de-escalate the situation. Hope things clear up with you
I haven't been formally diagnose with ASD, But a psychiatrist strongly thought I was, the evaluation just didn't go though. But I have a lot of the same issues (the only difference is that I can sort of catch on when I am about to get overwhelmed , but it took a lot of practice) a calm room is a great idea
Nice Suit Kevvo And When RU-vid Went Down It Was Hard For Me So I Went Upstairs And Put A Movie On Netflix And Waited Until RU-vid Came Back On I Have Autism Too Kev And It's Hard For Me To Do Things In This Lockdown But Didn't Have Many Meltdowns During Lockdown And I Used A Rubik's Cube To Calm Me Down When I Feel Stressed
As my future idea for uploads, I had saved this into one of my playlist for once the time comes that I generalise on my thoughts about "violent behaviour". It's one of the biggest issue in the autism community, since I am totally against ABA and this is one of the challenging topics for autistic rights activist to discuss. I have no opinions on violent behaviours since this is one of the biggest trivial issues that is effecting the neurodiversity and the world wide autism community.
Hi kevin sorry to here things are so bad at the moment hope you have a lovely christmas and dont defeate yourself your doing your best to protect Andy Anna and yourself im sure Anna has no dout you did the right thing your an awsome guy with a huge heart Andy will understand one day in the feature that you did what you did because you love him and was only trying to keep him safe
Don't question yourself keV your doing a brill job we found when ever you ask for help it takes ages .yet if they feel your doing things wrong there banging the door down .
Keep your head up Kev, I'm not a parent and I cannot even imagine the day-to-day things you must go through, but it sounds challenging and very very tough. I hope you have a great Christmas and New Year and things improve as we go into 2021 - Thanks for the content on this channel and FM21, thanks Kev
I hate to hear this Kev. I’ve spent time around kids and adults who live with Autism and it can literally be stressful and blissful in equal measure. The last boy I worked with self injured severely, as much as violent outbursts are distressing, hopefully he begins to settle the longer you guys are in the new house. Have a very merry Christmas Chapman family
I had to deal with the autism agression for so many years. It is so hard on the family. When my youngest was going ro college last year i knew i was no longer safe and couldnt handle the agression so i made my son move out.
Kevin you did the right thing in my mind (not that my opinion counts) but for me the main part of being a parent is keeping our children safe even from themselves, mind you i only have to deal with younger kids atm i still need to somewhat restrain during blow ups as mine like to try to hurt themselves as well for some reason. my point is you are a good parent! ive been watching your videos for a long time and love the work you do keep it up
you are doing the best you can. Although it is usually best to leave them alone to calm down (but I can see with his self injurious behaviors that it can be difficult to do since the #1 priority is to keep him safe)
@EVA BELLI I suggest tweaking that little brain of yours to understanding that he was trying to be relatable, not being mean, trying to help by being relatable. Assuming that you have a common sense, but I wouldn't doubt it, you like fortnite lol. Next time think before you say, it'll benefit you in the long run.
You and Anna are doing great. I would possibly look at considering supported living for Andy where they may be able to have more than on supporter who would be able to give each other help to manage the meltdowns and have the training in challenging behaviour and safe handling. As you said before he's getting to the age where you have been planning that for the future anyway. Not in anyway saying you or Anna aren't doing brilliantly looking after Andy but I do think I'm the long run it will improve your relationship with Andy. You are Anna know best though. Take care I hope things settle down for you all soon 😊
Bear hug from the back is the best method if you can get him on the floor, I wrap my legs around theirs and start rocking. Head butting is also hard in a bear hug, hope this works.
I'm sorry about this Kevin, but not too surprised about it either. As an autistic - to grudgingly accept a group term - person, I know how it feels to be like an outsider in a strange atmosphere, and with a twist like the pandemic it doesn't make that any easier. What makes it hard from my perspective is accepting who I really am deep down but left in doubt as to whether others would the same way because people appeared to side more toward being empathetic over my condition than me as a whole. However I was also born into a determined family, and that influence meant that even though I didn't always say or do the right thing at the time I was not afraid to act. My advice therefore is to not let an unfamiliar situation get the better of you; put the best needs of your family first; give your son the fair space he needs to develop. I do dearly hope to be a father one day myself, and I like the best needs of my future children to be my foremost consideration. Samuel F.
Hi Kev, can completely sympathise with your situation - I work with adults with vascular dementia and adults with learning disabilities in a residential setting. I’ve dealt with many situations where as carers we’ve just been completely powerless, been physically and verbally abused, had our things broken, frankly been battered - it’s extremely difficult but I know you’re doing all that you can. I understand how emotionally exhausting it can be, and really just have all my fingers crossed you can get the things in place soon that you need. I hope you have a manageable and enjoyable Christmas, know it’s a very unsettling time of year! :)
Wow, it's SOOOOO scary hey, how attached we've all become to technology! I'm absolutely amazed and stunned even that internet withdrawal can be so bad on Andy.. I really hope he can get over these times, as you can imagine that time will come again when internet will be down, maybe even for longer! I love Andy, and I hope that kid is well and doing good.. Kev, seriously hommez, you and Anna should really do something about all this if you can.. I mean Andy has to understand when internet is not available, I know it will be really difficult but, but, but.... You're a very smart man Kev, in sure that you'll figure out how to communicate well with him.. Sweet Keep well and be safe bro!
Kev I have a cousin who has that kinda respite she loves it, Weekly trips to McDonalds, Asda, Local Woods for walks, An Adapted kitchen set up where she can coo fir her and respite girl,
Life has been very tricky for most, it must of taken Andy a while to get used to the new change of life and explaining to him about covid is a deadly virus and have had to go into a lockdown to slow the spread.
is he on meds and does he need them reviewing. my 17 year old has just gone on a combination to help with anxiety, depression and sleeping and after several weeks is calming down. he has also been school refusing since march lockdown and not got him back. he has a lot of energy to burn so we go out on daily walks and he has a treadmill that also helps. hope it gets better.
Hello Kev my son has asd I’ve had the safe handling training and when I comes to head banging try placing something soft in between ..open hands no thumbs like your hands are in mits is what they teach holding hands by there side
Kevin I totally understand what your going through right now. Me and my family are having difficulty at the moment with my 15 yr old autistic sister who has been having meltdowns every night and is refusing to bathe sleep or eat for days on end at times. we have tried every option the council cahms and social are giving us and tomorrow she is getting sectioned for her own health. It's not the most ideal thing to happen but we have ran out of options. It's a shame because it got triggered from comment made at school by a pupil to her about cults that scared her and it has spiraled out of control. All the best kev with Andy and hopefully everything works out.
I worked with Austic Adults so i know its can seem so bad i used to come home with Bruises Scratchmarks on my arms. Have you thought of making Andy a Sensory room i know where i worked we had one Its a room with soft lighting Maybe things like Stars or Animals what ever he likes that that move around the celing and Soft mats to lay on or Bean bag cushions, Also soft music like sensory Music or something like that, Even if he just spends 10 mins to 30 mins in there may just help relax him Im not saying it will stop the Meltdowns but may help a bit Hope this Helps you Stay safe and have a Merry Christmas (Debs)
