they still have their first bath at home, their first time being home, the first time you breastfeed them directly, the first time they can sit up, the first time they eat solids, the first time they walk, their first words, their first day of kindergarten. there's so much to look forward to! i was a NICU baby, and my mom has told me that instead of thinking about the bad stuff, she always would think about the firsts she would experience with me. i know it sounds really hard, but you're doing such a great job already! ur family of 5 is beautiful, colleen
So true ❤️ I was at the NICU too when I was born 29 years ago and my mom always told me about the time she had to pump her milk, check on me every other day at the hospital. She also had a toddler boy at home to take care of, just like Colleen. It’s all forgotten once she gets to take her sweet babies home. ❣️ now my mom is literally my best friend!
I know maybe the “big firsts” are happening at the hospital but you’re gonna have the first feeding at home! First bath in their own bath! First diaper change in their own house! First day with their big brother! You have years of firsts to come and they’re going to be so special. I’m sorry you can’t have the first few but the ones to come are gonna be such big milestones too💛
Also, a little ways down the line, there will be their first real smiles, first words, first steps, and so many other firsts! Yes, these firsts you don’t have as big of a role as you would have liked, and that SUCKS, but there are still so many more firsts to come!
As a student nurse, this really opened my eyes to a new perspective in doing the parent’s first things with their babies. I’ll be keeping that in mind from now on, I’m not a mom myself so I never knew how special those things are to parents of newborns. 🥺
Yes!!! I was a preemie in the NICU as well, and my mom was really upset to learn she was excluded from some of these experiences while still in-patient and recovering from a vaginal birth! (I only stayed in NICU for 1 week as I was healthy with perfect scores on everything, and my mom advocated to take me home since staying longer was unnecessary, and she was an RT with extensive NICU experience).
i think that's the unfortunate part is i can only assume/give benefit of the doubt that the nurse in question just didn't even consider it. seeing as they arrived just as they were doing it, i would hope they'd be happy to include them in the process but it probably just didn't even come to mind. i mean i guess not every nurse is like that and some can be more strict but i think it's so important not to lose your compassion in a field like this because while it's the hundredth or thousandth time you've done these things, they're all firsts for the family. the best professionals you come into contact with are the ones that are empathetic and level with you as humans regardless of any authority or hierarchy they may have while on the job. every case is a new human's perspective and i think of every encounter i've ever had with medical staff, the worst thing they could have ever done is let me me just a slot on the schedule and it's just business as usual. everyone should feel seeeeennn !! apologies for the little rant here lmao 😅♥️
@@ironiceilidh as a nicu nurse i can tell you that even if mom and dad are there the first few feedings they can't be invovled cause it is very hard for the babies and they should be fed a curtain way. Believe me each and every parent gets attention and are our patients as much as the babies are :)
I still remember how you called Flynn bunny🐰, and now you have a complete garden of beauties with your little worm🐛 and ladybug 🐞. So exited for you Colleen, they are perfect!
Colleen, never forget you and your body were the first one to feed your babies, to “change their diapers”, to be their home. You will always be their first everything. I ache for you and your pain, but please know your babies will only ever know *you* as their mama. Your resilience is inspiring, sending my thoughts and prayers!
And nobody is going to breastfeed them first and nobody will comfort them better. Just gently remind yourself that these firsts they are having in the NICU is what will make it possible for you to have all those special firsts at home. As much as it sucks, try to see the people helping them get home to you as a blessing. Because truly, thank God for living in these times.
just remember, firsts don’t have to be the only firsts! you can do them all again at home, and it’ll be their first time at home, or their first time with you, or their first time on a tuesday while it’s raining. you can make anything a first and it’ll all be special and amazing! you’re doing great mama, you’ll have all the firsts you could ever want and more!💚
When my son was in the NICU, I asked that they call me before they do any “firsts” so that I could be there to do it or at least watch. I am so sorry you missed his first bottle. Make sure you let them know to call you ahead of time, no matter what time it is. 😭❤️
My sister and I are twins. We were born a month early, and we had to stay in the NICU. We were only about 4lbs too when we were born. My mom called us her little ladybugs. I just think that it's really sweet that you call your daughter ladybug.
Wanting to feed your babies is not selfish… but rather instinctual, primal, maternal and very beautiful :) Colleen you and your entire family of 5 are all amazing people 💖
Colleen, your emotions are valid. They aren’t selfish. Every mother dreams of all the firsts with their kids, and this unfair journey your family is on has taken some of those things away. There are people out there who understand what you’re going through.
I agree! And I really think the nurses could have given Colleen a heads up they were gonna try to feed him so she could maybe get there earlier so she could feed him, or even wait until she got there! It must be so hard
Speaking as a NICU mom, it is NOT unreasonable to want to be the one doing those milestone things for your baby. But, you need to advocate for yourself. You aren't being a pain in the butt by telling the NICU nurses that YOU want to be the first one to feed them/bathe them/whatever milestone you deem to be important. If they decide that the baby needs to be fed by bottle at 8AM, then they should call you and say, "Hey, we're going to trying feeding by bottle tomorrow morning. Want to be here to do it?" I'm really surprised they didn't ask you, but now that you know they aren't preemptively asking, you should go to them and let them know you want to be there for any milestones going forward. It might be helpful to make a list of the things you think are important. Otherwise, they might call you for every little thing ;) Good luck, Mama. You're doing great.
Totally second this! We had to, almost every day in the NICU for 3 months, tell the nurses REPEATEDLY that we wanted to come in for baths. They even had it written on the board in our sons room and and they still sometimes forgot to tell us if they changed the day. But 110% advocate for what you wanna be there for mama, it’s so hard, but you got this!!
I hope she sees this and responds or thanks you for this comment in a video. She probably felt/feels like she can’t do these things to not step on their toes but at the end they are her babies and if she wants to be the one to do things with them she should be able to and she should get calls
Yes, 100% this! I’m sure in the nurse’s mind there are concerns over the things that could go wrong but if they’re right there, there’s no reason why Colleen should not be the one to hold baby boy while he has his first bottle, or bathe him or whatever else. Praying Colleen sees this, you have to be firm and not worry about being a bother or hurting anyone’s feelings.
just commenting so @colleen reads this! This is great advice! I am a nurse and I am sure if you tell the nurses, they will be happy t call you, Colleen! As you said they noticed he was searching, so they can call you and you can do it with their help. Sometimes, I think, the nurses just might forget or get excited themselfes that he is developing so well and then dont think about calling or dont want to bother you. Putting a note might really help too :) All the best and stay strong!
I’m sure the babies aren’t even worried about the professionals doing “firsts” with them. I’m sure all they’re thinking about is getting strong enough to go home to their mom so they can start their firsts there with you. You’re such a good mother!
She’s upset about it. I get it, she cares. She wanted to do that. It’s ok to feel bad! I felt the same way, I was near death when my baby was born, nurses helped me with my baby the 1st two days. It’s hard!
That is true. But from her part it’s so real and ok to feel those feelings, mother instincts and LOVE is the more powerful thing in this world. The biggest.
A quote that has really helped me is "people cry, not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long" and I just feel like this is something you need to hear. I am so proud of you
Oh I love this so much ❤️I went through a lot of childhood trauma and have pretty bad anxiety and stuff as a result and sometimes I just need to release it and cry!
For all those “firsts” that you feel like you missed - remember that your individual firsts with them are still firsts, and are so special, even if they weren’t the very firsts ever! Their first diaper changes *with mama*, their first kisses *from mama*, their first bottles/feedings *from mama*. Those special firsts with you are what matter most. Love you and can’t wait for the name reveal tomorrow!!
I rlly hope that she continues to use the nicknames “worm” and “ladybug” it’s so cute, I really hope she’s okay and it’s not selfish at all that you want to be the first one to feed ur newborn babies💕
You've corrected yourself a few times now when you say I'm pumping not breastfeeding... just wanna let you know you're absolutely breastfeeding by pumping! You're just not nursing straight from the source, but when you pump the milk is still coming from your body so you're still breastfeeding. I pumped exclusively for my daughter. So many people would say i wasn't breastfeeding and it would drive me nuts. Pumping isnt easy, I pumped every 3 hours for 7 months and it's alot of work. The time it takes to pump, cleaning all the parts, labeling and bringing them their milk... its super time consuming. I know breastfeeding its difficult too, but I just wanted to share if you're nursing, youre breastfeeding, if you bottle/tube feed pumped milk, you're still breastfeeding. Keep up the good work mama
Agree!! I went through a period of exclusively pumping with my daughter when I went back to work and she refused my breast and to have people tell me, “oh you’re not breastfeeding right now?” Or “oh you failed at breastfeeding?” The disrespect. Pumping is so hard!! Breastfeeding is hard. It’s all hard. 😅
I’m usually pumping when I watch her videos and it kinda upsets me when she makes it sound so bad. My son was not good at latching and so I also exclusively pump.
It’s not selfish Colleen! You’re their mother, it’s an instinct, you’re not alone❤️ Don’t forget that you will be there for the first time they walk!!!!!
This one really gets to me. Your feelings regarding feeds with your babies are completely valid. I remember going through this a year ago with my 27 weeker. You are doing amazing. 💚
As a mama, I want to encourage you that you will have a lifetime of “firsts” with these sweet babies. I’m so sorry you’re missing out on some of them in these early days, but man oh man you are sacrificing so much for them! Pumping, especially for twins is a full time job with lasting benefits for all 3 of you. You’re doing great even if you don’t feel it. God chose you to be their mama and nobody else can fill that role or steal your spot in their lives- nor would they want to! Thanks for sharing the raw emotions… postpartum is brutal even without all the extra obstacles and hurdles you guys are facing. So looking forward to learning their names tomorrow!
This made me sob! I’m so happy that Flynn sees his dad as a person he can always call and rely on. Not everyone gets that. :( this family is just SO sweet and full of love. This is what keeps me watching ❤️
@@sierra8493 That is one thing I love about good family channels. Young couples who look up to these folks can learn good ideas for their lives! Hooray 🙌☀️
I have never had babies so I can’t even imagine what it is like seeing other people feed your babies but all I can think of is how you get to focus on THEIR firsts. Their first time having their diaper changed by Mamma in their own home. Their first time feeding from Mamma. It is going to be so special
Her ability to express real and strong emotions while also giving a very well rounded understanding of her situation at the time is pretty amazing.....
Colleen, dont be sad that you missed all the "firsts" because you still have their first steps, their first words, first day of school, and so much more! You got this girly! (thank you guys)
Wanting to feed your babies isn’t selfish at all :( it is so so valid to be upset. There is such thing as toxic positivity, you don’t always have to look at the bright side and you are completely allowed to just be upset. It’s wonderful they are in such great hands and being given the best in this type of situation, but I hope they can come home soon so they can be with you and Eric🥺💛💛💛
He's hit two huge milestones in just a few days: being able to maintain his body temperature on his own, and showing he's nailing the suck-swallow-breathe reflex. That's amazing!
yeah! I feel like baby boy might come home sooner than baby girl at that rate! Tho they do seem to be following each other closely, he is very strong for a premy!
Colleen, even if their firsts aren’t with you, they still have a second first with you. The first bottle with their mom, their first diaper change with their mom, etc. That’s the special part for them. Just connecting with you.
did anyone else break down in tears when colleen started crying at her daughters spit up? i could never imagine the type of heartbreak she is going through not being with her babies🥺 nothing but love and a speedy recovery for the twins💜💙
Feel your emotions: cry, feel angry, feel frustrated. Just feel it all. It’s hard to go through what your going through. You’re doing the best you can in a situation that isn’t ideal. You’re twins are getting stronger each day, you’re getting stronger each day! You’re a super mom 💜
I LOVE the names you did end up choosing. They flow so well together, they match each other well without being two of the same name (common with twins lol) and they just fit with your family!
Tortilla talk!! Does Flynn ever get sad that he can’t see the twins yet, or ask why they are in the hospital? love you and so excited to know their names !!!!! You are a rockstar 💓
Colleen, crying is strong. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions and express them is incredibly strong! Please don't think just because you're feeling all of this that you're not. Thank you for showing us this side and I'm sure it's empowering others to share their own stories too.
Just thought I'd let you know that today, November 17th, is WORLD PREMATURITY DAY for all the Premie babies out there! ❤️ You and so many other mommas have the absolute stongest babies and you are the most inspiring people to get through all of this. ❤️
tortilla talk question: how has Flynn felt about all of this? has it been hard for him to understand why he can’t see his baby brother and sister? does he ever ask to go with you to the hospital? how does he react to all of the photos of the babies?? love u bestie and i can’t wait for the name reveal
i can’t wait to find out the names today, but Colleen you wanting to feed your babies first is not selfish, I think that any mother would feel the same way. Stay strong Colleen! We love you 😊
Seeing Colleen be so vulnerable is seriously so comforting. Even if I can’t relate to the content specifically I can feel for her and know what it takes to be vulnerable. That’s superhuman.
I love how much more comfortable Erik is being with the videos. I hope we see more of him in the future! 😊 y’all are doing amazing btw Colleen! I can’t imagine how awful it is not being to have ur babies home but you’ll get through it Mama and papa Erik!
7:54 when Colleen showed us her journal for the babies I actually started crying, she is SUCH an amazing mother. This journal for them is a great idea!
Tortilla talk question: are you planning on ever making another “my family” music video now that the twins are here? By the way Colleen, you got this, you are so strong! ❤️
Flynn's laughter was everything I needed after the day I've had. I related so much to Colleen whenever she was talking about she should of been feeding baby boy. As my daughter was born with a severe heart condition, and spent weeks in the NICU. God bless you and your precious family.
Try to remember that you will have YOUR firsts with your babies. Regardless if someone may have already done whatever with your littles, YOU will get Your First with them❤️❤️ that always helped me with my little! Whenever I wasn’t there for some of his technical first of doing something, I still got to do it with him or watch him do it for the first time! You got this momma, you are so strong and those babies are so lucky!
So cute how Flynn likes to make sure everyone is involved. Like the game with the ball, Kory could have thrown the ball AND gotten it down but he wanted to include Erik too. So sweet.
its great to see Erik as a dad - you can tell he's a great one!! and Colleen if the babies wont transition back to breast feeding try thinking of it as an opportunity for both you and Erik to bottle the twins at the same time. so its a win either way.
I was going to say this!! I had abdominal surgery during the spring and I have terrible seasonal allergies and I was clutching a pillow the entire time I recovered and it definitely helped 😂
I know it sucks that you can’t do all these firsts with your babies, but remember there are SO many firsts your going to experience with them! First words, first steps, first day of school, first hair cut, etc! You are doing an amazing job! We love you and are very proud of you!
I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through right now. Also never apologize for crying! And even though you are a strong warrior mama, sometimes you just need to cry and breakdown. It doesn’t show weakness and it doesn’t make you any less strong! You are an amazing person! I’ve been keeping little boy and little ladybug in my thoughts and prayers every day 💕
shes taking everything as it's coming, like living moment to moment. just getting through this because she knows she has to and I am so inspired by her ability to keep life as stable and calm and positive as she possibly can for Flynn. absolutely incredible.
I don’t mean this in a sexual way at all, but I really wish Erik was my dad lol. My dad is so emotionless and cold and distant, and I’m so happy that more men like Erik exist and are being warm and present with their children compared to previous generations. It’s beautiful.
Colleen, I can tell you as a NICU baby who was born over 2 months early and came out 4 pounds 4 ounces - some of my favorite stories were about my parents coming to visit. My mom wrote me letters that I still have. Trust me, when they hear stories about you spending hours holding them and going back and forth everyday, all they are gonna hear is that you love them so much.
I know you feel like all you do is cry, but these videos are SO IMPORTANT!! You are sharing such a hard reality and doing such an amazing job! You are helping so many NICU parents ♥️♥️♥️ bless you and your sweet twins ✨
Colleen, I can’t even imagine how excruciating this must be for you and Erik. What you’re feeling isn’t selfish in any way, shape or form!! Being selfish would be to not give them the care that they so need right now. I know it may not feel this way at all, but you’re doing your job as an amazing mama by letting the doctors and nurses do theirs, and you’re all doing your jobs beautifully for them so far. I know you know all this, but just voicing it for support ❤️❤️ you got this!
i love that she’s sharing names they thought about with us. i was super curious as to which names she was always talking about that she and erik didn’t agree on lol. love you colleen!!!! tortilla talk: do you think either of the twins could be left handed? are there any lefties in your family? i’m curious cause i’m a leftie lmao
Hearing Colleen say out loud "I've been really doing well, I've been really strong the last few days" is incredible. It's so nice to hear her acknowledge how amazing she's doing
I remember being back on ward once my daughter was resuscitated and she was taken to NICU. It was such an empty feeling, my baby wasn’t in my tummy anymore, but she wasn’t in my arms either. Love to you guys x
Hi Colleen! Today, November 17, is World Prematurity Day and I wanted to send you a hug, positive thinking and a lot of love for your premature babies. Your little ones are very strong and they will do great, time will pass quickly and the day you will be home together is approaching. With all my love from Greece!
I wanted so badly to breastfeed my daughter but because of complications from delivery, I couldn't. I ended up exclusively pumping for over a year, 1400+ hours tied to a breastpump. Even if they never take to breastfeeding, you are still providing for them Colleen! I had to keep that mentality when I felt so defeated about not being able to have my baby get milk directly from me. Love you!
“Frank Matrol” just keeps going through my mind. I completely understand what it feels like to fail even though it’s out of your control. I’m sitting here completely jealous that you can provide such copious amounts of milk for your babies and able to nourish them. I nursed and pumped and nursed and pumped and saw lactation consultants and tried everything but just couldn’t produce enough. But in the end, my babies had food (not made by me) and grew and grew. Your family is so special and much fun and I just can’t wait to see you all together! 💜💜💜
OMG FRANK MATROLL 😂 Maybe Duncan's wish will come true one day! Also, thank you for sharing your story! We have such a wonderful community on this channel ❤
you talked about wishing you would’ve journaled for the twins while you were pregnant like you did with flynn so i think journaling for them now would be amazing! this journey is full of so much emotion and it’s really a traumatic experience but it’s full of so many blessings and it’ll be amazing to look back on! you’re an amazing momma, colleen.
It's funny, I never gave it a thought until this video where I noticed they weren't interacting when playing Miranda-Ball and it made me wonder if we've ever seen that. I know, this is a brief snapshot of life, we don't see everything, Eric isn't a YTer and Colleen respects his privacy....but still I wondered.
I am a NICU nurse and I like seeing this perspective. The true parent perspective. Feeding a premature baby for the first time does require the nurse to assess that the baby is ready to “suck, swallow, breathe” as you said and eventually you will be the primary person feeding them. But I understand you wanting to be a part of the firsts. What I would encourage you to do is try to think of other firsts and ask if you can be a part of them and if they can save those moments for when you are there as much as possible. For instance, the first tub bath. In most NICUs we bathe the babies every 3 days so it is definitely something they could schedule with you beforehand. You can also ask if they can include you when baby girl starts to eat from the bottle as well. I always tell parents “these are your babies. You are their parent and we want you to be involved in everything.” Congratulations!!!! I know right now it feels like time is moving slowly but before you know it they will be home. And I will also say feeding can be a long process but for a lot of the babies it is like a light switch. One day they will just get it. They will go from looking like they will never get the hang of it and then the next day they will be sucking the bottles down. 😊
I can't imagine how hard it is to see others have first experiences with your babies. I was so possessive of my baby even with my hubby. I had to force myself to share lol. That's totally understandable. But how brave are you being for your babies?? Such a good mama ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ those are lucky, lucky babes.
When your medium friend did your pregnancy reading, and she said she kept seeing 2's, that definitely could've also been in significance of the fact that they were gonna be 2 months early
@@vickilaughs please don’t discredit the emotions of new mom to premie twins. colleen is going through an incredibly difficult time. she is so strong and she will be okay, but crying is not dramatic, it is entirely normal. women constantly being told they’re being overly emotional and dramatic for having normal feelings is such a huge problem so please do not bring that attitude here.
Colleen. As someone who lived this EXACT thing (with identical boys, instead of b/g) not even a year ago....thank you for putting things into words that no one talks about. I have tried to explain things to my mom and my best friend but out of fear of judgment (unwarranted) I never really put things into words properly. Thank you for doing this so hopefully someone who is currently going through this knows they aren't alone. I found my resources a bit later than I wanted/needed.
Hey Colleen! I’m not sure if anyone has told you, but one thing to help reduce the level of pain you get from sneezing, laughing, coughing, etc. is to put a pillow up against your abdomen over your incision!
One thing you should do is record yours and Eric's voices. Singing, talking, telling stories, etc. Then take an mp3 player and speaker and have the NICU nurses play it on a loop for the babies while you are not there. It will help their bond with you. We did it with my daughter.
Shoutout to Coco and daddy for being some of the single most amazing masculine figures Flynn and these babies could have. Thank you both for being so on the ball even with all of your own life's exhaustion, you're making room for these little humans every second of the day. What amazing family 👪
Tortilla Talk Question: Are Kory and Erik close friends? I'm sure they get along great, but I've always wondered if they just casually eat lunch together or send tik toks to one another? Hope you and the babies are well!!
I wonder if Kory gets emotional editing these videos. I imagine he does, being your best friend. With all you are going through right now, I'm so glad you have so many people who love you and help you out. You're doing a really great job. Flynn is so ADORABLE! I love how he makes you guys all laugh.
Can I just say Colleen, seeing all the pain you feel from not being able to be the one to feed your babies gives me a new perspective on the job I do as a NICU milk technician. Burnout has been a huge issue amongst hospital staff because we are extremely understaffed and overworked. So lately, my coworkers and I have been getting frustrated more quickly with odd requests from moms and a lot of emotional moms that we try to accommodate. I rarely actually come into contact with the moms, as I get information through the nurses. It’s so easy to disconnect myself from the situation but your video has just made me realize why I love what I do in the first place. I prepare each feed with care and precision with the hopes that these babies get bigger and stronger and return home to their loving parents. And in case you need reminded, you’re doing so well. It’s okay to take time for yourself, you need to rest and heal too so you can be there for them when they need you. They will be home before you know it!
I’m sure their names are perfect! Can’t wait to find them out! Tortilla Talk Question: does the NICU limit the time you can spend with the babies? Like certain visiting hours and length you can stay or can you go whenever you want and as long as you want? I’m sure it’s so hard not being with them. Sending you big hugs!
it’s not selfish wanting to feed your own babies , I’m not a mom but I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to watch someone else feed and change YOUR babies for the first time. you’re so strong ❤️
