One of my closest friends - a recovering addict, once said to me: "The worst part about it was not knowing when it stopped being a vice, and when it just became part of my routine."
It sucks because over the past year where I've improved a lot as a person and changed a lot of my bad habits, I've realized more and more that things like eating obscene amounts of food isn't a reward. I don't feel good about it afterwards and I often don't even enjoy it in the moment. It's almost like a bizarre form of self-sabotage. Like, if I start to get anxious about whether I can resist the urge to overeat, I just say fuck it and literally force myself to overeat despite having no desire to do so. I don't even bother trying to tell myself it's a reward because I know it isn't. I'm punishing myself and I don't even know why. It makes me think about the word "habit" and how I really don't eat a lot because I just like food or because I need a lot of food, it's all psychological. It's a compulsion spun out of a bad relationship with eating that I developed early in life and that now exists purely as a compulsion in my brain. I guess I'll stop typing now. Sorry, I've been having a rough go of it for the last little bit.
I feel you. being conscious of it is a double edge sword because you've taken the 1st step and identify the problem and why but you're even more aware of it when you're caving in to it when you run out of will power.
@@jacque5599 What also sucks is I've taken the next steps in actually correcting the behaviour and learning that I don't need to constantly eat to distract myself. I've reverted back to it just this last month out of stress (I guess?) and I know now that I have the ability to control myself, but it's also the disappointment I feel in myself makes me stressed and it just starts all over again. Since this is the first time I've ever made serious improvements in my life, this is the first time I've experienced relapsing, so it's easy to feel like I've just failed and there's no going back, but I know that's not true.
Therapy (which I’m not saying you need) works. Essentially because people like us, our self talk tends to skew negative. Meaning when we are alone with our thoughts, our thoughts not only magnify the negativity & intensity of our situations but also our failures. We can’t talk ourselves through this. We need to talk to someone else to move through these difficulties. Whether it’s God or a therapist or a confidante or all three, we need to work this out WITH someone besides ourselves. If insanity’s definition is doing the same things & expecting a different outcome then it’s time for something different. What do you have to lose? P.S. I’ve always enjoyed your channel so please know I’m talking with you not at you. I know what it means to struggle with mental health & I want to see you succeed. God bless you my friend!
Damn, this speaks extremely deeply to me, as if you were able to sum up my dread and anxiety in a video. I feel like the effects of having many off months has left deep marks. weed and video games all day became far too regular for me..
Is that all you could think about while listening to this man pouring his heart out? Also thats what he is watching in the background Also also say "yep cry about it" if you suck (don't notice don't notice don't notice don't notice don't notice)
