People often criticize me for telling my Dad the truth about his brother Bill. This is what often happens when I try to redirect him. This is the reality if dementia. It’s not easy to watch much less live through.
Retired nurse here (experienced in hospice), I also had a mother in law who had vascular dementia. Dan, God bless you for your patience. After watching the videos of you telling your dad that Bill passed 15 years ago, it seems to really calm him down knowing he doesn’t have to worry about him anymore. Please continue to tell him the truth, because that’s what works for him. God bless you all. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I fully agree. Ed deals with the truth much better than telling him anything else. You and your wife do a very good patient job, taking care of your father ❤😊
I agree every time.. Not only that , if he's being lied to and a jolt of memory does come that removes all trust.. best to just say he died ,your 92 and.was at funeral etc.
I'm glad you proved the point. I'm glad that you finally told your dad. He seems so relaxed after you told him where his brother was. The truth is best. Wish when my grandmother had dementia I knew what I know now. Real life books may help. You are using experience. Thank you.💕
This is heart breaking but also heartwarming to see how much he obviously loves his brother. Don’t let people tell you what’s best for you or your dad, we are strangers and aren’t living close to the situation. You are your own expert because you live it
Uncle Bill forever lives in his heart. I could imagine how hard it must have hit him when he first learned his brother was no longer around. I feel for your dad. Such a loving soul.
Dan, I am sorry that you have to go through the grief of the loss of Uncle Bill every time Grandpa asks. As for people giving you advice; many people mean well. But they are not in your situation. Art is a healer. Your poems are absolutely incredible and if you ever want to write one about Uncle Bill we will listen to it and share it around the world!
Dan, you do an amazing job caring for your father. At the beginning of the video you said “enjoy the video”...sorry, there’s no enjoyment here. It’s hard to watch just a glimpse of what you and your dad go through. 😢 It’s hard to watch the anxiety building in your dad from not knowing where his little brother is. It’s like peering through a window into his mind to see the lingering trauma from his brothers death. While not a pleasant video, this was the best way to explain why you deal with YOUR father the way you do. Thank you for sharing and I know it will help many other family caretakers navigate situations like this.
The thing people have to understand is one case of dementia is not everyone elses case of dementia. So ignore comments and do what works for you and your case. My aunt has dementia and is completely different from your dad
I totally agree, my Mother passed away from Alzeheimers in 2013, we cared for my Mom for 8 years with this terrible disease, no 2 people deals with the same when it comes to Dementia and or Alzeheimers, keep doing what you and your family is doing, you are wonderful with your Father, God's speed ❤❤❤❤
I think Dad is preparing to go see his brother, Bill. Maybe, The spiritual connection between the two is Reigniting because its time to go see his brother❤??
@@MariaGrijalvaSacramentoomg I think your right. I don't want to see that happen 😢. What a kind man... BUT he needs a hug from all of YOU. JUST DO IT BEFORE IT TO LATER. U HEAR ME DAN ? Pop needs hugs NOW. WE ALL ARE HUGGING HIM NOW. JOIN US PLEASE. 😢😢😢😢
@@MariaGrijalvaSacramentoI agree. Bill is probably communicating with him in some way, telling him it won’t be much longer. I had an elderly friend during the last six months of her life telling her family that invisible people were telling her to stay put and they would come get her soon. The last being a month before she died.
I’m a Dementia worker. There is no right or wrong answer. Patience, understanding and compassion goes a long way. ❤❤❤ Aww! Grandpa Ed, I’m so sorry. My heart is breaking.
Dr Ed totally impresses me. How he has the body at nearly 92 is amazing. I never miss a conversation with him. Long live DR ED SALINGER. 👍🌻🌻🥰... HERE COMES A HUG 🤗 FROM MINNESOTA. GOD BLESS U. 🙃
Well,I never lied to my father,it's just the way !, I was raised ,and yes sone of us has been threw it my father passed at 95 yrs old best father in the World ,but I never lied to him, just think if he knows in his head you lie ,? What's he going to think then
I took care of my husband with dementia and yes, there is all forms of dementia, but I never lied to him even if it was gonna calm him down I choose not to lie God says no liar would enter the kingdom of heaven I don’t wanna lie to anybody I don’t want to be called a liar and not enter the kingdom of heaven when I die
Dan, once you told him the truth, his distress slowly declined. He trusts you, and he may not remember for himself, deep inside he knows you won't lie to him. You and your family are wonderful people. Much love sent for a Happy New Year ❤️
Unbelievable!!! U took that time and experience to show people what’s real. Man U got my respect. U didn’t have to do that. You know what your dad needs. ❤❤
I observed lying to him confused him more. Maybe subconsciously he knows that Bill is not on vacation. I also observed his sadness when being told the truth. My heart goes out to Dan and to Dad.
Ah, I see what you're trying to say, but after watching every single video for theirs over the last few years, this is definitely not the case. It's important to also apply a healthy dose of common sense. These videos only capture small snippets of their 24-hour days, seven days a week. Nobody can give insight based off these videos, nobody! Dan is a lovely son and intellectual man, and has picked up on his father’s patterns of dementia! They are doing everything right! Everything is in the highest entrance of his father’s comfort.
This was the hardest video to watch of any you've released about grandpa. It hurt to my core to sit back and watch, but it got your point across perfectly about why you do what you do and say what you say. Nobody knows your father better than his own seed, and we are so proud he has a son like you in his life. He really loved Bill. Its sad because when people die, all we have is our memories of them. So what if our memory gets hijacked. This is what your dad is living and what my grandparents lived through before they passed. I think its why i and so many others across the world feel so close with your dad. For many of us hes like our very own grandpa. Thank you for sharing your family with us, and happy holidays and much love to Dan and of course to grandpa Ed. ❤
One thing is certain he truly loved his brother. U can tell he felt responsible for him. He must of always took good care of him. Your dad is an incredibly caring and loving man.
He's not dumb, he's just forgetful! If you don't tell him the truth, he's naturally gonna try and figure out how to get ahold of his brother he cares so much about! He's clearly a caretaker at heart and his dementia will send him in circles if given the chance. You're doing the right thing by telling him the truth Dan. Blessings to you and yours! Your an inspiration to so many!
He's not forgetful. He has dementia. Short term memory no longer exists. Please educate yourself. This is a f*cking evil disease that causes continual brain damage.
He seems to respond differently (better) when you tell him the truth as opposed to lying to him. What a blessing you are giving your dad by allowing him to age with grace and dignity. ❤
Dan, I want to apologize as I made comments about you telling your father that his brother died. Now I see that he handles the truth better than avoiding it. He had me worried for a m8nute as his anxiety grew stronger and stronger. I appreciate more than ever all your love and hard work in caring for your father 💗
@JourneywithCC23 I wasn't telling anyone how to live their lives. I am not that way. I was giving a true experience at a seniors residence. Anyway, I'm glad to have watched this. We can all learn!!
I think we all want to be able to help when we see someone dealing with situations like this in life. There is a huge difference in "telling people what to do or how to live their life" vs. giving someone advice or letting them know what worked for you. With my father, I have had a lot of people give me advice on how to handle his dementia. Some of the advice has been amazing and worked for us, while some of the advice didn't. By no means does that mean people have "told me how to live my life." Don't let others who don't know the difference bother you. I've been extremely grateful for some of the advice I've been giving along our journey. I don't think Dan made this video to try and make people feel bad for trying to be helpful, and I'm sure Dan is also grateful for some of the advice he's been given about others situations with his dad.
Dan has to do what’s best for both he and the Dr to get through every minute, every hour, every day. It’s easy to judge or criticize when its not us in the situation. He has to live it over and over. That’s mentally draining. Instead of criticizing, better to say “There but for the grace of God, go I.” Dan really is a patient, loving, caring son and Dr Salinger is very lucky to have such wonderful kids. He obviously raised then right!
When you record your parent in their time of crisis, it seems to be a financial benefit not concern. Grab the camera let's get paid! ❤ Pathetic criminal attorney, you are Dan!
@@kastnostonesYou’re a deadset idiot. Dan brings light to a disease most don’t often get to see in its fullness dealing with it. It also helps people connect who are dealing with it. There are some hard videos to watch but many are so gorgeous and light. They deserve an award for bravery not your mean spirited comment. You see the truth and the truth is this is a beautiful family dealing with a difficult circumstance but with grace and kindness unlike your comment. I 💯 agree that it’s okay to get the financial support this way by bringing awareness and also entertainment as many love Ed and his family. This enables them to continue to care for him at home where he is treated with utmost dignity. This is at heart the essence of what true love does. We should all be so lucky to be part of such a loving family in an hour of great need.
@@kastnostonesand what kind of a person are you?? You enjoy being vile and trying to drag someone down. If you have hate in your heart for someone why do you keep inserting yourself into their life? Move on. You're not doing yourself any favors by showing what a cruel person you are. You insult Dan but you're the one being nasty. Good luck with reaping what you sow
Wow that was rough! People need to understand that you can’t deal with everyone the same way! Every person with dementia is different! I know people want to give advice, but it’s what worked for them! You guys are doing a great job for Ed! ❤
I remember the last years caring for my 94 year old dad who also spent much of his time worrying about people who passed. You know your dad, you and your dad have your own relationship your own language and your love and respect for him is clear. You're doing an amazing job be proud. 😊
Dan, your know what's best for your father. He's YOUR father and your clearly love him. Just because something works well for someone else doesn't mean it will work for him. You are living this and your do what you know to be best for your gather and your family. Ignore the critics. You're doing a great job.
That made me cry ! I worked full time working a dementia, and EVERY person is different, there is NO RIGHT answer, just as no two of us are the same.you do an AMAZING job Dan.
I’m crying too! It made me sad when he kept looking and looking for Bill, but when he accepted that he died and “didn’t know that,” the look on his face just breaks my heart. And he’ll be looking again tomorrow probably. 😢
Thing is, Bill may be taking to him, Life is strange, I’ve met many people who claim to have seen ghosts etc. Which ever it may be, honestly with dementia people is integral & the loving thing to do. Care workers who are employed are told to simply lie & manipulate & it’s cruel, Just be honest, say your old, you forget things & that’s the way it is, your safe, we love you & we care for you now etc is the best way.
A lot of the time when they suffer with dementia they can remember things from their childhood a lot clearer than things they did 5 mins ago so they tend to ask for the people that was around at the time they remember the most which in his case seems to be when he was a child living at home with his brother, this is very common, a lot of people ask for their parents who could have died 20 years earlier❤❤
I’m an RN worked in LTCF for years and my dad had dementia . You can redirect but never lie like some are saying . What you are doing is exactly what you should be doing . So know you are doing what should be done 💕
DAN DID YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU TOLD HIM THE TRUTH HE SAID O OK.BUT WHEN YOU TOLD HIM A LIE HE WAS SADER.CAUSE HE WAS STILL LOOKING FOR HIM.THAT NOT GOOD HE EVEN HURTS MORE.CAUSE HE IS STILL LOOKING. NO THE TRURT WILL SET YOU FREE.IN THE BIBLE LOVE YOU ED AND JESUS LOVES YOU MR.ED GOD BLESS YOU.😢.
@@berniceherrera5003 lol, I think that is the point that Dan made in the video. he wanted us to see for ourselves the different reactions and what actually worked the best.
Dan, my mother is the same age as your dad. She is very forgetful but not as advanced as your father. It’s very tiring to have to remind them of so many things. I Can see what you have to go through. Sometimes I wonder if he and Bill have regular visits. You never know. I wish you all the best. You’re an amazing son. The good doctor raised you right.
Thank you for sharing your dad with us all and you compassionately care for him. I watch you guys a lot. You two together warm my heart, you make smile, laugh, and times cry. My heart hurts for your dad searching for his brother. I was so relieved when you told him the truth, and to hear him thank you for doing so. You along with your dad are just wonderful human beings.
It's also heart warming. What a wonderful son he is blessed with. I wouldn't lie to him either. My mother went through this too, but that doesn't make me an expert.
Your father is in search of the truth in this video. Dan, I think that you handle your father's situation in the best way that works for you all. You know your father better than anybody here online. I think that you and your family do an awesome job caring for your father! This is coming from somebody who worked in long-term care for many, many years. I also currently care for my mother, who has dementia as well. Dan, do you by chance have a funeral announcement from Uncle Bill's funeral? You could possibly show it to him when he gets himself so upset looking for him. I, of course, am only making a suggestion. Dan, I think you should always do what you know works best.
You do YOU, Dan. You know your dad better than anyone. THANKS for the video trying to explain things. No explaining is needed. You are right in everything you tell dad.
Every time you have filmed , telling him the truth , about your uncle , his reaction is very pragmatic and practical. Your father being a doctor , will likely be very practical and stoic . I think that he’s so much calmer , when you tell him the truth. So basically you know your father better than anyone else 🙏 and you know exactly what is best for him 👌
He is under your care and he is your father. The internet can be educated but they are not there and don’t know Ed personally. Just knowing that he sees Danielle as a motherly figure lets you know he feels safe and cared for which is huge.
Wow. That was so difficult to watch at the end. I almost teared up. I can't imagine having to relive that someone has passed and is no longer in your life, especially when you thought you just literally talk to them an hour ago. I absolutely love your dad, Dan and Danielle. He's so sweet. ❤
All I can go with is what I see. I see when you try to redirect him he is anxious and unsatisfied and trying to find a feeling of completion. When you tell him the truth things aren't perfect, but there's a feeling of resolution and understanding that allows you to move on. Not every situation fits into a box and I think you have found the best way to handle yours. You never loose patience, and tell him the first time ever time. You're a good son Dan.
Dan, you’re doing fine! I’m a retired dementia nurse, and it’s hard when dementia patients get on a “loop”, it can sometimes go on for days! You can’t always deflect. You’re doing fine! My mum was the same!❤
Dan, you and your wife are doing a PHENOMENAL job with Grandpa. I pray for you all everyday. I can only imagine the daily struggles, so I wouldn't dare tell you how to handle these situations. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your lives, even on the bad days.
He seems so much more distressed and troubled when you tell him you don’t know. It does seems beneficial to keep him in as much reality as possible. You’re a wonderful son.
It's always so hard to get them on another subject. You just have to tell them the truth sometimes.😢 You do an AMAZING job Dan with your Dad. Much Love you and your family 💞
I’ve had friends with dementia patient family members, one kept saying the truth and the other one pretended the reality he was in was happening. Because he had been a boxer, that situation got violent. No advice works because each person is different, so coping has to be individualized too.
@@judywright4241, I totally agree with you, it seems it’s a day by day thing and caretakers have to do what’s best at the moment. Mr. Ed will probably as about his brother again tomorrow or sometime soon. My mother asked about some of the family members who had passed away before her within the last 7 years. Her husband, her son and her granddaughter (my daughter). When she asked, she would ask if they had passed away. And, then she would get a sad look on her face and shake her head and say, Lord have mercy. 😢 A few times she would ask me, what happened to her, or him, after I tell her she would sadly say, I thought he or she has passed away. I believe that perhaps she and other elderly people with dementia have dreams about their loved ones that died before them, right along with missing them as well.
You are SO PATIENT" like a parent to a child no disrespect intended, damn memory loss it's so disruptive to the entire family ❤ God Bless you and your family especially Pop 🙏🏻
I could tell you felt so bad lying to him, Dan but good that you proved it doesn’t work with him. Bless his heart. I had tears in my eyes watching him search and search and wearing himself out and then the look of sheer grief when he understood what you were telling him at the end. You are doing amazing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Love your family. Praying for God to give you patience and peace.
Dan, how about gathering some pictures of Bill, and some of the personal things you might still have that used to belong to him. Then you arrange a little memorial site at a special place in your house. You could also make a poster copy of Bill's obituary and place it together at this "Memorial Site". So every time Grandpa asks about Bill you can remind him to go to there. This way Grandpa can "be" with Bill whenever he misses him.
i agree..what a beautiful idea. along the same vein, a pillow with uncle Bill's picture on it might be calming and comforting. Love abounds in their home, and is being spread far and wide through them sharing Dr Ed and their experiences. Im grateful.
That was tough to watch. Your patience is phenomenal . Thank you for showing what it is like to go through day to day with your Dad's dementia. Terrific of you and Mark the way you love him and keep him safe.
It’s so beautiful how Bill is always on his mind. He’s always wanting to speak to and care for his younger sibling. It’s really incredible, sibling love stands the test of time!!!
You have so much Patience Dan ❤😢. We just watch a very tiny moments of Grandpa’s life but you live and manage his memory loss all day. 🙏🏻. I have learnt something very important today. I will ensure my siblings know how much I love them henceforth.
Grandpa seemed more at ease, even if clearly saddened, with the truth. Have you tried having a photo album with pictures of Grandpa and Bill over their life together? Maybe just seeing his face, seeing themselves together and happy would give him a moment of comfort.
The way he always says thank you. True inspiration here. I'm going through the same thing with my 81yo grandmother whom i take care of everyday. Since her dementia progressed, it's getting harder and harder
Whew, this one got me. I've never cried watching any of your videos until this one. It's so hard on him, and on you, I know. I'm glad you've figured out what communication works best with your dad when he's stuck on something. Hoping all the best for you and your family.
Oh Dan, this must be exhausting for you and for Grandpa. How beautifully you hold grace for him and gentleness... Prayers always for you and the family as you live out these precious years with your dad. 🙏🏽
He is more anxious when he doesn't know if his brother is doing fine or not, unless he sees him or talks to him we'll be worried. Truth is always the right way. He deals with it for a while and then he moves on. Dan, people always have an opinion about everything. About what pop wears, his haircut, what he eats... But you know better what's the best for your dad. Take care.
Dan, I appreciate how well you take care of your dad. I thank you for your patience. I can’t imagine how hard this is. Just know that we know how important the work you do is. My family loves you, Pop, Danielle, and all of your loved ones. Stay strong my friend. Happy New Year!
I tell my mom the truth...she's also got dementia...I understand the endless same questions over and over... sometimes for hours. Very hard. It's hard to see our parents this way. Makes me so sad.
"The truth will set you free". Dan you are correct telling him like it is. You have always being respectful and loving towards grandpa Ed. You are a son that every parent would love to have.❤
Nobody knows your father and what he needs better than you and your brother. I feel for you and your family, that was rough seeing the worry in his face.
I love how at the end he goes "Thank you, Dan. I..." 🥺 I appreciate how patient and a great son you are to your father! God bless you and your family 🙏💕
This is so tough. You are doing such an amazing job. My grandmother never progressed this far but even the beginning stages are still with me. God bless you.
Seeing him continually look for Bill & you lying to him is complete torture to watch. I can’t imagine how Ed feels. Please please please just tell him the truth. It has to be less painful to know the truth than to worry and worry and worry & search all over. 😢😔
Dan when you said, "I"m sure Uncle Bill is doing fine," and Grandpa says back, "Well, I'm not." Something in his memory let's him know that at one time Bill wasn't fine and that memory came back to him. Dan, you are showing great emotional intelligence. I hope that you are able to take care of yourself too.
Dan, I am so glad that you told him the truth. He would not let up on uncle Bill being in that house but once you told him the truth he calmed down and sat back in the chair so keep on doing what you’re doing Dan oh I just love you for it.
While it’s so heartbreaking to watch Grandpa Ed mourn over and over again, he seems to settle down easier when he hears the truth. Dan … you and your family are doing a wonderful job looking after your Dad and keeping him safe. God bless you and your family. ❤
