It's easy to talk about a dark skinned 4c women when you haven't walked a mile in her shoes. You never experienced the taunts, teasing, rejection, and put down because of her hair and skin color. I am sure NO ONE in her black household or community lifted her up.
I will say that the biggest issue with bw is thinking our hair is high maintenance, unmanageable, or time consuming comes from the fact that most black women didn’t grow up wearing their natural hair in its natural state. I have always worn my hair in its natural state. My mother, grandmother, and aunt did my hair with the knockers and barrettes as a little girl, and when I got older, my mother got hair magazines with natural styles in them, and we’d try those. Natural, curly, kinky hair is only seen as high maintenance or unmanageable because most black women didn’t grow up with it, and on top of that, they continuously compare their hair to non black women and the appearance of them having “low maintenance”. Their hair isn’t low maintenance, it’s different maintenance. Most of them wash their hair every day or every other day. Then they have to blow dry it or give it enough time to air dry. Then there’s the product they use to keep it from frizzing. Most of them flatiron it everyday. Black women need to grow up and understand that different isn’t good or bad, it’s just different. And that’s okay.
This is so perfectly worded yes. I have been explaining this to my mom who was raised by my grandmother who despises natural hair. I explained how it doesn’t make sense to compare hair that hasn’t been watered or nurtured to other women who have valued and cared for their hair for decades.
I love that you broke this down. What I am hearing you say is attitude. The attitude surrounding natural hair for a lot of black women is a very negative one. My mother would sit down at least 2x a week and do my hair and probably washed it every other weekend. We would sit, eat snacks, laugh, she would quiz me on a few things, or we would just talk. It was a great way to bond and during this time she would often reiterate to me I was beautiful just as I was. The positive reinforcement and the bonding made doing/caring for my hair hair a great experience. So, s I grew older I didn't find my hair to be a burden and learned to appreciate it. Also what you said about other women and their hair is true. Women other races have their own sets of issues and concerns, doesn't make them any less or better it just means we are different.
Perfectly said. I am planning to make a hair journey video for my ten years natural and I was going to have a section that basically said this. We think our hair is difficult because we didn’t grow up with it. If you had grown up doing it day in and day out, it wouldn’t be difficult, it would be just another Sunday. Just another part of our grooming routine. Also, a lot of us still compare ourselves to White people in very unhealthy ways.
What I don't understand is, some BW will say and agree with her about us not being able to grow long hair. Yet, I see tons of videos of women glueing wigs to their edges ripping it out, Allowing stylist to cut their hair every few weeks convincing them it's damaged, using products that aren't meant for their hair types trying to achieve a curl pattern that they don't and will not have. But then want to blame genetics rather than their hair practices as to why it won't grow. It's lack of patience and wanting to achieve a hair type that they don't have rather than concentrating on moisturization and health is what is keeping their hair from growing. I have long 4c hair by the way.
I just saw a video the other day of a young girl (14-16) getting some sort of quick weave and was HORRIFIED at what was most likely traction alopecia. There were large gaps between the parts and what little hair was left was tightly braided down and covered in paper wraps and a cap. Despite the stylist insisting that her precautions prevented it, her hair was literally soaked in glue for the style. So young and being set up for a life where these braids, weaves and alike damage the follicle to the point where no hair grows back, thus the cycle of being embarrassed and needing these styles to cover up the bald patches becomes permanent. It starts young. Some of my earliest memories involved sitting in a chair and having to listen to stylist make VILE remarks about blk hair. Still burns me up to this day 😤
Everything you said in your comment is true. Lack of knowledge and care brings frustration which will lead to more convenient measures and some times damage. And then someone will never know how to care for their hair
@@LKinner450 Add all the psychological affects and there you have it: more self sabotage, unhealthy self image, unhealthy risks ect.. This links to a persons entire VALUE system in life.
This has to be one of the best comments I have ever seen on this topic. I was deeply disturbed by this woman’s comments. I hate the fact she went viral for this nonsense! She doesn’t know how to take care of her hair and it is wrong to put out such negativity. It must stop! There are so many options and haircare businesses that cater to natural curly hair. What does other races have to do with this?
She knows if she looks good wearing certain hair styles, like she said, her eyes are not fooling her, the way she sees herself doesn't mean someone from her past put it in her head, she knows for herself what fits her and what doesn't.
@@KNt820 of course you’re gonna say that, but that’s your opinion if that’s even your true opinion, you only said that because she said she looks good with straight hair, that’s the only reason, otherwise if she would have said something that you wanted to hear, you wouldn’t have said that.
That Lady’s video was extremely sad. The hair we are born with should be our crowning glory. Natural hair does not take long to look after; finding the right routine matters, and not having your bathroom filled with 101 hair products.
This is so very true. When I started my natural hair journey there was a learning curve but once I got the hang of it my hair flourished and I have not looked back since.
Yes this so true this weekend I was able to wash my hair for 45 min and that was God because normals it takes me like four hours and I literally have to take a break lol
Correction: the hair we are born with IS our crown of glory!.... and to God each of our strands are numbered!.... " But even the hairs of your head are all numbered, so have no fear. You are worth more than many sparrows."‐‐Matt 10:30, 31
It's called conditioning. For decades, we, as black people, have adopted the beauty standards of other people, leaving ours behind until a large number of us can't step away from them. As you rightly say, it will take a concerted effort to reverse this. She is the only one who can embrace her natural state and see herself as beautiful in that state. I think when people go natural, sometimes, they do it for trend rather than to understand why. Therefore, when the trend shifts, they do as well. In my neck of the woods, I can see a shift in our young people. They are not interested in relaxing their hair, and I love it. This means the generations to come will accept their natural state. Only time will tell it.
Hello. You make some very good points. I love that in your area young women are embracing their natural hair. I also think your point about going natural is a trend for some is true. We saw a lot of this during Covid when we were shut in.
@@KlassicallyKept Thanks. I think black women are taking going natural lightly, but it is actually a part of reclaiming our identity and our authenticity as a race and a people. Until we realize that, as the bible says, we will remain a scattered people bound to be taken advantage of and food for the breast in the field.
This woman admitted herself in this very video she knows her thoughts are “a shame” and probably sound like “self hate” so she is aware of the pathologies she has internalized. Until she deals with that her view of self as a projection onto others won’t change. Working with clients who had her mindset was super challenging to say the least. Also Mufasa’s mane is thick, lush & banging and so is mine! 🦁 🌞💕 I also need women to get away from this idea of long hair being the benchmark of femininity - it isn’t. Everyone won’t grow long hair - however we are defining long hair- that makes them no less beautiful or feminine.
Hello. Thank you for this. You are correct long hair does not equate to femininity. Wow you have had clients with this mindset? I know you cannot discuss specific patients stories/experiences but would you be open to discussing certain patterns and behaviors you see with these clients ? If so, please reach out to me kk@klassicallykept.com
@@KlassicallyKept yes, I’ve worked with several women over the years ( retired master cosmetologist ) who simply didn’t like their hair some admitted it & some you had to listen to how they describe themselves and experiences growing up to get to why they were chronically dissatisfied 😉 I’d love to chat more about this and other hair things as I love this chebe journey you’re on. I’ll reach out via email soon. Blessings
I think the problem is over glorifying long hair! It’s okkkk to have healthy short hair or medium length hair. That is also beautiful!! Even in addressing the video, I can lovingly say listing off 5 or 6 women who have long hair like it’s a trophy is anecdotal and unfortunate. I wish more influencers would shift the discussion to healthy hair being the prize, not long hair. I think that is why some feel inadequate because it does take time to grow hair and they feel that it will take too long for their hair to be considered beautiful! Just some food for thought❤
Hello, you are correct, there is a misconception that long hair equates healthy hair, I use to be that girl and I have stated this in my videos as well. I use to be that girl who would hold onto her terrible ends for length lol. But now if the hair is unhealthy then it has to go. For me long hair is a goal but so is healthy hair. I have always promoted healthy hair, however; because I have grown my hair people are curious. The point of this video was to address everything that she said. In her video she stated that "black women cannot grow long hair." In the video I said this myth has already been debunked and I did not want to spend a lot of time on it for that reason. I wanted to focus on the other things she said as they were more of a concern. Me listing 5 or 6 black women who have long hair was not anecdotal or glorifying but invalidating her statement. This was not meant to be a trophy but a fact. I specifically did not want to focus on the long hair comment because it is an old and ridiculous lie, which is why I spent so little time addressing it. No where in the video did I say short hair or medium length hair was not beautiful or healthy. There are women who will reach a certain length and then cut their hair because that is their desired length. The women in this video was talking about long hair.
@@KlassicallyKept I absolutely agree and please know my comments are simply my humble thoughts for conversation, not to attack. I appreciate your response and I enjoy your content. I also love your natural hair styles. I know your intentions were and are pure but I feel that “content consumers”, are inundated with similar phrases and examples given by many influencers, not just you, that point to women who have long hair and it gives the feeling like it is a prize to be won. Even in the comments, some people feel the need to qualify their statements by saying “I’ve always had long hair etc..” It has become a subliminal theme. Influencers (again not just you) may not even be aware that they use “beautiful” as a common qualifier when they talk about long hair. Typically this same qualifier is not used when referring to other lengths. Even when looking for how to grow or maintain healthy hair videos, the titles seem to always be “how to grow waist length or tailbone length hair;” the constant stretching the longest strand in the back to show viewers that their hair stretches to the longest length possible..it’s almost odd at times, but I’ve now understood it to be due to the standard of beauty many are upholding. So, it is simply my belief that content consumers internalize these references and translate that to what is considered beautiful. This is similar to seeing certain model sizes on the runway..nobody has to explicitly state that larger sizes are considered less than ideal..they have simply set the standard of beauty by the images they consistently show or body types they consistently showcase and glorify. I think the same thing has happened in the black community when it comes to long hair. It doesn’t need to be said explicitly..it is clear by video titles, and qualifying language used when describing length.
May I say, one of the effects of healthy hair is growth. If the hair is moisturized, tangled, and healthy, subsequently it will grow . My hair was to my waist for many years, eventually after having a child it became a little too much to deal with so I cut it. It is now mid back.
My emotions went from angry to sad soooo many times watching this…. I will admit for me the MOST irritating part was her saying WE over and over again. Please don’t speak for all of us, especially as you constantly put yourself down and call yourself ugly 😔
That wig doesn't look as aesthetically pleasing as she thinks. And the way she is flipping and stroking it every 5 seconds is cringe, because it says a lot about what’s going on subconsciously. I don’t know how any self-loving person can just generally say the hair that grows naturally from their head doesn’t look good on them. The problem isn't the natural hair, but how it's cared for and styled on each individual person. And I find that the majority are trying to emulate the same few options when there is so much untapped versatility. I encourage women with natural hair to seek out a natural hair stylist and try different hair routines and styles until you find something that compliments your aesthetics and lifestyle and then learn how to manage that at home in the interim.
Hello. You make very good points. I think for a lot of women like you have stated simply do not know how to care for their natural hair and it frustrates them and then they opt for easier solutions. Being natural is a journey and it does take some time to learn your hair and understand what it likes and does not.
That woman clearly does not love her self . As an empathetic person, I can only imagine the things people have said to her or how she talks to herself when she looks in the mirror at her natural hair . I always say if u REALLY listen to what people are saying when they talk, and u read between the lines, u learn exactly who they are and how they think . She subconsciously believes that she is not beautiful at all, not even just with her natural hair . I have short 4b/4c hair and I am so incredibly gorgeous ! My mother was relaxed and didn’t know how to take care of my hair but I learned and still am learning . This is why I love your videos because u really hit the hammer on the nail . Self love is a journey and I pray that any woman out there who does not love how they naturally are will one day see that they are a manifestation of God and how they look is what God says their beauty is ✨
The terminology “pull off” wearing natural hair implies it is a magic trick or of some sort of contortionist act to get away with doing or hiding something. Her video was layered and deep. She totally needs therapy but y a therapist who doesn’t suffer with the same programming & trauma and lack of self acceptance as her.
Mya thank you for constantly reminding Black women that they are beautiful; and challenging us to celebrate our blackness. My hope is, that when we celebrate and not suppress our blackness then others will see the beauty in it, and celebrate it as well.❤️
@@lesliehill7678to tell the truth most blk women give up once we are told we are not pretty I did for awhile it took me a long long time to love myself & start wearing my natural hair regardless of what others think or say unfortunately the blk community had & still has some people who think dark skin women aren’t pretty which is sad I see it now in who most blk men date or marry she has to be light skin with long hair or she has to be another race period
We need to have a round chair therapy session. I will start. My name is Sheryl Johnson and I cannot get a perm. I have tried and my hair is too curly to straighten it. I cannot wear a wig because I am afraid my head will get too hot. I sweat terribly. I turn to my natural hair because it behaves better, For Me.
I don't like when people generalize. It is not true that all black women hate their hair neither do all of us thrive on trauma and drama, whatever the heck that might mean. I'm a quiet quirky black person and just like the hair fuss, they also fuss about personalities as if people are a one size. You're right though...no need to convince people about anything. They will get there on their own long time.
Hello Nina. Unfortunately when it comes to certain groups they are considered a monolith and placed in certain boxes with certain ways and behaviors. As yall know I love my hair and I love big hair!
You did a great job addressing all her comments while giving her grace. After rewatching her video I honestly couldn't stop thinking she'd look so pretty with natural hair. My take away from the video is we all have to deal with why our hair isnt pretty to us. I am clear on that but its still hard when family was apart of it. I'm trying my best to let it go of those things. I am focusing on being happy that I can grow my hair just fine. I'm working on retention so trying to find what's going to work for breakage as i try not to hate the shrinkage so much. I'm hoping the Chebe will help once I decide on my routine. 💕
Hello Dominique! Wonderful you are gong to try the Chebe, I am hoping the best for you! Unfortunately for a lot of black women the ridicule comes from family and sometimes it starts at home and can leave a lasting effect on that child. Fortunately for me as I said in the video I was raised with love and self acceptance, but I know many women who were not. Some have chosen to work on themselves and distance themselves from those family members and some choose to mask and continue on. I think for everyone their journey to self acceptance and love is different but that can only begin once the person acknowledges the issue is there.
My family made fun of mine to when I did the big chop. Now more than 10 years later they love it. And ironically, none of them had long healthy hair back then and don't have it now, but felt comfortable making fun of mine.
I would like to state I've always loved my hair. I never wore fake hair & my 3 Daughters never saw me with fake hair. Even when I relaxed, it was my hair. When I went Natural, I cut my hair 👇🏿 to about an inch & from day one I embraced my 4C Tresses. I'm grateful to be one of the few Real Melanated women who love us & I passed that on to my 3 Daughter's 😉 & now my 2 GrandDaughters = their hair is mid back at age 6 -7 = Natural. 💃🏿 Ain't no we in this self h8. 💯
Wow! I can’t believe she said that in that video. We can go all over the globe and find black women with beautiful long hair. I myself cut my hair extremely short two years ago and its already past bra strap length. I think she was just self projecting. Thank you for going about it in a polite matter, she needs to see this lol.
I have gotten this sentiment from other Black women. I have defined coily hair that I wear exclusively in a wash and go. It’s about 4-5 inches around. Also I do not stretch my wash and goes and have about 50-60% shrinkage. I hate hair typing but it would be along the lines of 4a. The longer it gets the looser it gets as you mention and the top (the loosest part) becomes wavy. I have had numerous women, most with hair much longer than mine, but with a tighter curl pattern say they wish their hair looked like mine. That their hair doesn’t do that, or that that’s why they straighten their hair. A lot of the sentiment is around what they think is more acceptable, but in MY experience what they think is acceptable for a European standard. When I went natural I had a white employee tell me he liked my hair more straight than natural. He didn’t say it in a disparaging way, his standard was his standard. The only other comments I’ve had that were not positive were from my own people. We strive for an acceptance that I don’t see happening in this lifetime. That woman was beautiful, she looks like my family, but like you said there has to be something deeply rooted. Like you, my mother (hell my entire family) made sure that I knew as a brown skin child that everything about me was right. We didn’t have broad noses, our noses are the standard they have thin noses. We didn’t have big lips, ours are the standard they have thin lips. I wish everyone could have had the positive enforcements growing up like I did.
All I can say is that you were blessed. You hit on the issue. What is the standard? Whatever you believe, have been taught to believe, have then internalized as truth is your standard. Now you will judge in relation to that standard. It will take deep re-wiring to change that. To not teach that to others.
I have 3c with some 4a mostly in the front and I wear silk presses and blow out styles. I apply heat once a month simply because I like it and it’s more manageable. and less breaking from detangling. I may try some wash and gos this summer because I love my curls too. My hair grows like weeds when it’s straightened and it’s bra strap length from cutting it in a bob less than 2 years ago. We can definitely grow long natural healthy hair this woman just needs to learn her hair and learn some self love
You make a great point about standards. This woman is beautiful. During Covid my family and I would have chit chats on Zoom and I brought up this subject. There was a young man who was suspended from school because it was reported that his hair was unruly ( he had dreads). I asked the questions by whose standards was the student's hair unruly ? The teacher and or administrator who reported him may not be familiar with his hair type or may abide by a different standard when it comes to hair.
Hi sista - u may want to switch from w&g to perm rod or roller set. Hair weather is caused by wash and goes - which results in hair lost that may take up to 25 yrs to fully show up. May I introduce u to Cyndoll? Licensed cosomotologist, herbalist here on RU-vid. 🥰🥰
This is not about hair. You should not need to solely rely on your hair to look beautiful nor does it need to be long. I've seen some incredible pixie cuts. I would get one but my hair grows too fast. But my face could definitely carry on. This is about how she feels about herself. To lump other sistas into her low self esteem dialog was a jealous attack. She knows damn well there are a lot of black women with or without hair that look feminine and beautiful. That unicorn crap is an outright lie. Just type in natural hair on youtube and see how many come up with long hair. Many have big chopped. They have those videos out too. I feel for her life can't be easy if you feel that way about yourself. But don't drag other sistas or brothas into it. That is just wrong.
I think for a lot of people they were somewhat okay with what she was saying until she brought in other women of color, we are often looked at as a monolith. Feel how you feel ma'am but your sentiments do not resonate with all.
When I was growing up I adored my mom's best friend and thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever see, I still do. She has richly melanated skin and has locs. I didn't realize until I was older the war between different hair types. It's interesting how we don't notice things until it's put in our face. I just see someone that's pretty and that's it, I don't see that they're pretty for a specific demographic. I hope there's a world one day that lives their entire life thinking the way I did when I was young. All women are beautiful and conforming to any beauty standard is dimming your own light.
You look like Aunt Viv.❤️ Do we need to turn every little thing a problem? It is freaking hair! Let's just have the hair that makes us few our best self be it natural, chemically treated, bald.
I hope she will talk to you. I have a 10 yr old niece who puts on a bonnet before she gets on FaceTime. I always tell her how beautiful she is and that her hair does not have to be perfect all the time. It’s how WE are made and it’s purposeful. She’s coming on with her hair out more and more.
The woman in the video is traumatized. Maybe we should challenge her to wear her natural hair. To be honest I don't think the wig she is wearing in the video suits her. I don't think it makes her more beautiful, quite te opposite.
I remember being addicted to my blow dryer and flat iron. I flat ironed my hair every morning. I was not comfortable with the “way I looked” with my natural hair. Mind you, my natural hair was cooked, stringy and breaking from the heat. It took a lot of mental and emotional work to put down the flat iron, embrace what I had and over time (10 years) watch it flourish. I have not had hair like I have now in my 50’s since early childhood. In a way, I can understand the lady. I would have articulated it differently but I get it….and my curl pattern is 3b/c. So it’s an attitude that any one of any hair type can have.
In 2014 I chopped off all of my hair to the white meat and here I am 10 years later…natural. I’ve learned SOO much! I’m glad you played the video. I had some of the same sentiments that she had prior to going natural. I no longer feel that way. My mom is learning too. Our hair is thriving. Regardless of length of hair, natural, if you take care of yourself and are confident, men will gravitate towards you. I had men stop me in my tracks and tell me how beautiful my hair was and how it fit my face perfectly. All I could do was clutch my imaginary pearls 😂 and say, Thank You! This has truly been a self love journey ❤ and I wear wigs, braids, and my natural hair. I wear my hair natural 95% of the time, but supplement with wigs when I want a change.
Much of this is about how we feel about ourselves. And the positive self talk that was shared with us in our childhood and infancy. She simply doesn’t feel like she’s beautiful and I don’t think hair really has anything to do with it. Additionally, feeling feminine isn’t about hairstyle it’s about behavior and manners. But I think that she’s highly conflating the ideas of hair having so much to do withsexuality and beauty standards
4c is my favorite hair texture by far; thanks for explaining this to me. From my perspective I can’t imagine feeling this way but I appreciate you breaking it down
Same, I love 4C hair. I follow many 4C hair RU-vidrs and instagram influencers. I love their hair care practices and I’ve found that it helps me a lot.
I like the thought provoking questions here. These women need to think and dig deep to resolve their self hate and where these negative thoughts are coming from. I wear my hair naturally and in afro beauty standards but immediately I wear my hair in its natural state I get stopped by black women if I want to do my hair and my response is, it's done. It doesn't need doing. Thank you.
I absolutely agree with all of your speaking points. When I hear black women who speak this way, it hurts my heart so much. I wish for a time when black people(as a collective) will only appreciate and acknowledge our cultural standards of beauty WITHOUT comparison to euro standards. Why should we care about why Jim thinks Sally is beautiful? We should care about if ourselves find the beauty within, regardless of anyone else's OPINION about ourselves.
As a mixed woman l agree with this lady’s self assessment because l’ve witnessed the micro aggressions they endure from ALL communities. From white mockery to black disdain. The majority of cultures do not have type 4 hair. Black men shave their heads and chests but black women must contend with what they’ve been blessed with. The issue isn’t type 4 hair; the issue is BLACK MEN and WOMEN with this hair type need to be openly wearing it out!
Type 4 is the most versatile and beautiful of all the hair types, and your last sentence was correct. However, you witness it and you're of mixed race. I am black with 4a-c hair, I love it and myself, this lady is being purely subjective, I totally disagree with her.
This is not to counter any argument here or there, but I just wanted to share a sweet story that may encourage some of us ladies. When my husband and I were in our dating stage, he told me that one of the things that intrigued and attracted him to me was my hair (I have type 4 hair and used to wear my hair with extensions or sew-ins then). But after I started styling my hair without artificial hair, he told me loved my natural hair more. That gave me the encouragement to do my hair without any added hair. It also helped me learn so much about my hair such as what styles fit my face, what styles are more manageable every morning for work, even what products are best suited to my hair. Now my go to hairstyles are twists and braids, I have started making my own hair products tailored to my hair needs, my wash days and re-styling are quite enjoyable for me, and my hair has significantly increased in length. It is the longest it has ever been. Of course once or twice a year I straighten my hair and I enjoy it in that state too; it is good to see what different looks you can come up with when your hair is in different states, and you can tailor those looks to your style. My husband also loves playing with my hair when I have it out, so I afford him that treat whenever I have a twist out, blow out or straightened hair lol. He is of Asian descent, and I'm purely bred Nigerian, so we are very intrigued to see what curl pattern our kids will have. Whatever it is, I'm excited and sufficiently equipped (hopefully! ) to care for their hair. ❤
I love your story. You sound like me when it comes to the care! I love that you have found what works for you and that your husband supported you, some women are not as fortunate. LMBO afford him the treat...I get it! Now the babies! Congratulations if you are with child or I wish you well on your journey. I know your babies will have beautiful hair. I am waiting for a mini-me so we can have hair care days together!
When he had to get relaxers why did we have to get touch ups ? Yes because we’d have new growth so our hair does grow it’s a matter of retaining the length but our hair definitely grows but even when natural we naturally have shrinkage so the growth is not as noticeable unless you stretch it
I big chopped for the first two years I wore my face. Sure my natural hair was out I would just put it into a ponytail. I cut off a lot of hair. What I discovered was I did not need my long hair. I wore my face. No makeup but I am that style girl. The response I have gotten was overwhelming. I still wear it in a ponytail because of the weather. Too hot to wear down. A lot of it has grown back but it was really long before I big chopped. I don't care about my hair as much. I can get away with just wearing my face. My hair is combination hair but in the 3 range. Sometimes it is super wavy, other times, frizzy picking up the moisture from the are, other times silky. It is never the same. I just rock with whatever I get. I love my hair and nobody ever told me nor would I tell myself I look unfeminine with natural hair. It better suits my face and has taken 20 years off my age.
This is wonderful. I let my hair do what it wants as well, natural hair is not meant to be prefect, that is the beauty in it. I think it is great that you have found what works for you. I will say even within other communities long hair being equated to femininity has been pushed for decades.
A few months after my ‘big chop’, my contract ended and I was on the job market again with a rapidly-sprouting afro. It was the first time in 15 years of professional life that I’d ever interviewed for office positions with my hair in its natural state. I was wary enough to ask my social media feeds: Should I straighten my afro? Should I get braided extensions that could be styled into a neat, efficient updo? Or should I walk in unapologetically, my hair as free as it was on the day I cut it? Feedback was wide-ranging. One friend admonished me to avoid braids, suggesting I’d only be replacing one stereotype (“militant”) with another (“ghetto”). Others told me I was right to rethink walking in “with a bush.” A blowout was gingerly suggested. Eventually, I sauntered into those interviews with my TWA-teeny weeny afro-in part because I resented that I’d had to deliberate at all. That none of my interviewers mentioned my hair directly afforded me a few sighs of relief, but every time I apply for a new position, I return to those same aesthetic anxieties.
What's tragic is she's in pain. She also stated she doesn’t feel attractive enough to pull off natural hair. There's sooo much pain and self loathing. To even say that the black community thrives from Trauma. Poor baby, if that were true you wouldn't have the level of violence in the black community from domestic/child abuse, car jackings, robbery and shootings. She needs therapy. Her daily life must be exhausting. Prayer and daily affirmations plus Journaling could be helpful. Her soul is hurt. I'm saying a prayer for her.😢😢❤❤❤❤
I feel so bad for the first woman in this video I feel so bad for her the self hate that she has for herself is absolutely horrible. Somebody needs to get this woman a hug and tell her that she's beautiful
You explained this very well it takes some of us longer then others to fall in love with our natural hair I used to think like her that my 4c natural hair could not grow it always stayed ear length until I installed plaits one day 5 years ago & never took them out they turned into locs I thought to myself yes I finally found a way to retain my length now my locs are almost bra strap length now & still growing & last but not least yes I was teased laugh at & called ugly all my life by our blk people thank for bringing this subject to light❤
Your response was very graceful. Although there are many Black women who have learned how to grow their coarse hair evident via social media, it still is not seen a lot in our individual families and community. How many families do you know where several females have long hair? Even with the work of the natural hair community, Black hair is still seen as bad and unable to grow long.
You do make some great points. Your statement about families not having long hair leads me to statements I have made before. I understand genetics, terminal length, medications, conditions, mesopause etc can all play a role in the hair/hair length or how it grows; however; is it all genetics or have bad hair care practices been passed down from generation to generation ? The women who has long hair is it all genetics or has she learned how to care for her hair.
Me and my daughter have long hair I’m glad I went naturally while I was pregnant with her because if not I’d probably have ruined her hair but I learned to take care of our natural hair and my daughter hair is tail bone length I’m 28 and my hair is now the longest it’s ever been before I went natural my hair kept breaking because i didn’t properly take care of it but now I know how to and my hair grows with out breakage ❤
Also, some people didn’t dig that deep into the Yao women and their length-however I think it’s important to note that these women believe not discarding their hair after cutting. They make extensions out of their own hair and continue to wear them, specifically in the their updos for the added volume.
I literally hear her pain, I pray she learn to love herself, she has suffered rejection from within the community, pray for healing for her and so many like her.
She said “I know it’s some kind of self hate” wow, and the wig makes you look better? I did a big chop 15 years ago, everyone liked it including me, except my husband, he hated it. I told him I had to cut off the dead, limp, hold no curl damaged relaxed hair to get my natural curl pattern back. It took me about a year to two years to understand and learn my hair. I now have four go to hairstyles and I can have a hairstyle in 1hr, 30 min. or less, saves you a lot of time and money. Priscilla Shirer here in RU-vid has long thick natural, my daughter has thick long natural hair.
“Black hair does not grow” “it does not grow at the same SPEED” so you’re hair taking longer is equivalent to it not growing at all?? We’re is the scientific data for this? I HATE this rhetoric so much. I wish people like her would take their self hate to a therapist instead of SPEWING her self hatred like this. It’s disgusting she is too old to be this insecure.
You mean society is disgusting for thinking less than of african features, kinky and/or short hair, and dark skin. Even with our own people. The sad reality is that you are given more opportunities, the less African features you have, whether it be a career or a mate.
I know INTERNAL MIRACLES can happen. I am loving on this woman such that she is in my prayers into loving herself. And so it is. Much love to YOU as well for addressing this. Thank you. 💖🙏🏾💖🙏🏾 EDIT: BTW, I absolutely LOVE the Mufassa, Frederick Douglass look!! I was amazed when I saw how thick and wide my crown looked when I let it out. I am PROUD to have a mane like the illustrious, handsome Ancestor, Frederick Douglass. 💖🙏🏾💖✊🏾💖✊🏾
Whew! I do have some comments on whT she had to say! I just have to get my thoughts togheter whew on how to say them! One thing she also said which i was suprise u did not comment on was the black community thrives on abuse I don't know what has happened to this woman but she needs more help then therapy I am in stunned disbelief shock that she can believe that the black community thrives on being abused my heart goes out to this woman for the pain that she must feel the suffering she must have gone through probably because she is of a darker hue and has the 4C hairs on and on and on will be praying for a heart change and a mind change for her well-being again I will comment on this as some of the point when I get my thoughts together thank you Madame Maya for speaking on this issue with compassion Grace kindness and thought-provoking statements grace to you and all GH
It's such a shame that women think this way. I an in the UK and have worn my hair to work in mini braids, cornrows and an afro and NEVER get any negative comments. If anything people are interested in how easy it is to do cornrows. I really hope that attitudes change 🤎
I really appreciate it how you addressed the points from this lady's video. I felt sad also when I saw the video and I was also kind of taken aback by the responses of women simply just showing their long luxurious hair as kind of a gotcha or a day at this lady. You commented that someone in this lady's upbringing did not reaffirm her beauty. My only comment about that specifically is that we all were not reaffirmed in our beauty. No matter what our families did to try to counteract what the world was telling us, and America no black girls were reaffirmed in their beauty. So it is not baffling at all that she has these feelings now as a grown woman. My hair was locked for many years and I still wear my hair natural. And I know exactly what she's talking about in terms of not being perceived as pretty or feminine in my natural state. That does not mean that I accept that or believe that anymore, but that is definitely the message the world and my community was giving to me.
Altho I think all hair is beautiful, the appeal of straight hair to me is the fact that it takes less time and effort to make it socially acceptable to the mainstream world. However, I would not want bone straight hair for myself. I prefer the versatility of curly/coily hair.
Hey I loved this video in response to that ignorant lady and I’m glad you named women on here who have very long natural hair!!! It’s not a secret on how to grow your hair now so these types of women really confuse me great video by the way!❤
I had to devote some time to learn how to maintain my natural hair by learning how to maintain it like the experienced ones and learn basic braiding and styling tips. Gracefully, there is being a massive improvement once I took charge of my own hair.
Hello Mya, I agree with you, black women definitely can grow long hair we see it everyday. I do believe something may have happened to her in her childhood to make her think that way.💜
Of course we can and do, but not as fast as other races...and if it does, it grows and sticks up or out. I think it's pathetic to stretch hair to prove length.
5:20 man that hurts that she feels that way about herself, but i get what shes saying. My sister insists that I cut my hair everytime she sees me. But I haven't trimmed in months, not even sure if it's growing sometimes. Just trying my best and trying to nourish my ends
It is unfortunate that it is your sister who is questioning your decision to be natural, but I love that you are pressing forward and figuring it out. I wish you much success
Lion manes are powerful af, yeah i want a mane! Horse, lion! Raw natural powerful! Big and long af❤❤ Thank God for all you have, not what other people will think!
I appreciate how you showed consideration for the vulnerability of the lady in the video. The ladies who comfortably and confidently enjoy their natural hair are paving way for the younger generation to embrace all that they come into this world with, especially hair..
You’re right!! Same here!! Black folks are more critical towards each other than any other race!! It’s Sad, but it’s the Honest Truth!! I just learned to ignore them and move on! ❤😊
BRAVO!!! I agree with everything you said 100%! Yes, we cannot have a conversation with anyone if we offend them. They will not listen and just go on the attack. Yes, everyone is beautiful EXACTLY the way they are naturally. All of God’s children are BEAUTIFUL exactly the way they were born.👍😊🌹🙏💖
Hi Mya! Very interesting topic. I felt sad regarding the comments the young lady shared. I too believe something happened to her which led her to think extremely negatively about herself. You did an excellent job of dissecting the message while giving her grace. Beauty exists in all races, however we need to stop comparing and trying to live up to the beauty standards of others. I'm so glad your Mother instilled loving yourself. Self love starts with childhood. 💕
omg, when the woman said she doesn't look good in any style :(. Her video is so sad, I hope one day she learns to love herself and realizes how beautiful she is, natural straight, whatever style
What’s so upsetting to me is how nasty and disingenuous people are being toward her. No, she shouldn’t have generalized but many women feel the way she does, myself included. I hate my hair and I’m not ashamed to say it. I really think the women who do should be able to be more vulnerable about it just as other women are. I don’t hate my texture, more lack of length. Dating, well I don’t wanna open up that can of worms but when my dating profile had natural hair - crickets. Wig/extensions - hottest thing on the block and I actually hate that. I don’t wanna only be beautiful with long hair . Desirability aside, I’m not received well if I don’t wear a wig. My sales at work drop tremendously if I wear my natural hair (I work in luxury) . Honestly I’m wholly invisible with MY hair because I look simple and aged.. So while everyone may not resonate with this I think the “we” was just more about the women who share in that experience. I don’t totally agree with everything she says but with my short 4c hair I am genuinely not inspired by how I look at all.
I was just irritated by her constantly sweeping the wig bangs to the side. I hate wigs but my hair isn’t long. My hair grows. My problem is length retention. I’m not going back to a relaxer because it’s not healthy. I loved my short pixie cut with a relaxer. I was never told that I was pretty. I was told that I was smart.
She made some valid points. Most of us do not have long hair. It's not a feature we are known for. Polynesians, yes...Sure, a few of us are able to hack their way to long hair, but they are a minority.
With care and intent to grow, all black women's hair will grow if wanted, although all women don't want long hair. it's a choice, we grow 6 inches or more a year and with care over a short period of time can be long (6inx3years=18in), a woman can decide her length. Natural as possible is the way to go.
@bonitawilliams-anderson6820 The 6 inches is an average. Some people grow 4 inches a year, while others grow 12 inches or more. Genetics is still the biggest factor. No, not everyone who wants long hair can "achieve" it. It's like saying everyone can have glass skin if they eat right and practice good skincare habits.
The only way of wearing my natural hair I ever found easy was dreadlocks at a certain length. I only had to twist/wash them once a month and then could let them air dry. But as I got older and my hair started thinning, my locs always looked raggedy and wiry,, so I had to do something else. Now there's really no style I particularly like I'd call easy. I generally wear hats or wigs when I leave the house most of the time, because I'm still used to not spending a lot of time on my hair.
Whew! Thank you! What’s really sad about this is the fact that her face does not change whether her hair is straight or natural or in a wig, etc.. her face stays the same but her perception does not!
After viewing the whole video...great job! And this goes to both of you. I appreciate her truth. Your insight will and can help younger people, but she is sturdy in how she feels. She would have to take the Psychology class herself and not hear it from someone else. I think she is beautiful with her wig, but I think she would be beautiful without it, as well. I will go there...she does look like she would have 4c hair. Sounds like she does not want 4c hair. I have a large portion in the back of my head (4c). I'm not going to lie; it's not easy sometimes. I agree with mostly all of your points. But, I say, "Let her wear her wig." I'm good.
She needs to speak for herself I actually think I’m very pretty without weave. I can grow long hair when I want to. I used to be self conscious because my hair was too thick and people asked me if I was wearing a wig. One time I walked out of the salon and a black man told me how pretty my hair is. So she can’t speak for everyone.
The problem is WHO is defining what is pretty, what is feminine. We have varying degrees of shrinkage so our true length is hard to see, and lack of knowledge coupled with the brainwashing of aspiring to Eurocentric standards of beauty, is a key reason for unhealthy natural hair. I feel bad for this lady with the wig dependence/addiction. It will be a long, hard process to change her way of thinking. I tell my daughter how beautiful she and her 4c hair is everyday. She loves her natural hair and I love her confidence. The thing is, your beliefs dictate what your eyes ‘see’, so your eyes interpret what they see to be good or bad based on your beliefs. This woman’s beliefs about black hair and herself are obviously shaped by her negative life experiences. I really enjoyed your insights, great job! I feel like someone needs to start a rehab centre for women like her to overcome their addiction and develop self love (think about those motivational speakers that travel the world to help people improve themselves). It really is a serious problem because some women cannot step outside without a wig or straight/relaxed hair, they would get a panic attack.
Also, this is nerve wracking for me. My natural hair is nearly waist-length even with shrinkage, but I want to cut 6+ inches. This whole “Black women can’t grow their hair!” messaging has been so dominant in my life that I’m afraid I’ll somehow be less beautiful or shameful if I get rid of the length I have. Some of the women in my family will be angry at me if I do it, like it’s an attack on them…
I went through the same thing 12 years ago. My hair was waist length wet. My husband and I decided to become parents. I knew the amount of “me” time was going to drastically decrease. Therefore I cut my hair to shoulder length. You would have thought I spit on some of my family members. I’m sorry you have to go through that. But you do what you need to do. They will get over it❤
I agreed with 99% of everything you said. The enemy wants us to hate ourselves projecting their insecurities on us because they envy us. You’ll be surprised how many people want to be us and have our features. Learn to love yourself in your natural state.
As a black woman with type 4 hair texture, my hair was always healthy and grew back fast with proper hair care and just hair grease and oil whether permed, texturized, locked and finally back to the way my Creator made it originally. People with light texture hair seldom use chemicals to change their hair texture. They embrace it and do their best to protect it with the fuzzy, puffy, straight, untamed look and more. My scalp and skin have sensitive reactions to man-made hair even with vinegar washes. All of what I have experienced has taught me to appreciate and accept my natural hair. I reserach and find ways to comb it to suit different occasions. It's challenging, but, use it to learn. In addition to that, my daughters have 4b and 4c hair that I have to comb😂. I love my natural hair!
Everyone’s hair grows. What makes textured hair appear to “not grow” in comparison non textured hair 1A-2A, is simply the shape. An object that is coiled up, once stretched or straightened you will be able to see the full length. This is why someone with 4C hair gets their hair straightened can have 4inches plus in “length”
The more you see yourself in your natural hair, the more you like it. You need to learn to look at your hair as an extension of yourself,care for it, learn it. Its not about length its about your mindset. Our hair is beautiful at all lengths. We must debunk the myths sorrounding our hair and it starts at a personal level. Normalize wearing your hair out every so often, styling it and taking care of it yourself and youll see that love is built gradually the more time and respect you dedicate to your hair. BLACK HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL guys. Extremely so❤❤
