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It’s so easy to get caught up trying to catch other people in lies. In your love life, working relationships, and even with family and friends, thoughts of, ‘what if this person is lying’ crosses your mind more than you’d like to admit. But, have you ever considered whether or not your own verbal and nonverbal cues were sending the wrong message and causing people to think maybe you’re the one not being honest? Vanessa Van Edwards is joining us to break down how to better identify if you are being lied to, and ways you can ensure you’re not sending the wrong signals. Lack of confidence, anxiety and shame are just a few of the ‘honest’ behaviors Vanessa warns could manifest almost identical to the cues used for dishonesty. Here is what you need to know to not just spot a lie, but to be a better communicator and create better relationships in your life built around honesty and transparency.
Preorder Vanessa Van Edwards’ new book, Cues: amzn.to/3leaa1j
SHOW NOTES:
Science of Lying | Vanessa shares why mornings are better for honesty
Assume the Truth | Up your ability to detect lies by assuming the truth
Congruence | Vanessa breaks down looking for misaligned verbal and nonverbal cues
Mixed Messages | Why anxiety and lack of confidence has same cues as lying does
Step 1 Lie Detection | Establish a baseline of person when they tell truth
Step 2 Lie Detection | Establish their nervous baseline to know their nervous tells
Step 3 Lie Detection | Spot red-flags and micro-expressions incongruent with baseline
Ignoring Instinct | Vanessa shares importance of not ignoring instinct if you see truth
Step 4 Lie Detection | Look for red-flag clusters, use the rule of 3 before moving to step 5
Step 5 Lie Detection | Circle back, ask questions, and give opportunity to to overcome the lie
Share The Cues | Why learning cues together improves relationships and conversations
Intentional Liars | Vanessa explains how to spot them and remove those toxic people
Modes of Communication | Why people are more likely to lie over phone than text
Kinds of Lies | When people are self-deceptive, ill-intentioned versus well-intentioned
Truth Rules | Vanessa shares how to establish truth rules for people in your life
Shame Cues | How to spot shames cues and respond for better relationships
Modes of Lying | Listening for audio cues and how to communicate truthfully in email
QUOTES:
“The more you seek the good and people the more you focus on the truth, the better you are at spotting lies.”
“The basis of lie detection is that liars have so many things they’re trying to keep straight that they forget where they leak out their truth. And so that means they're saying one thing, but their body, or their voice tone shows another.”
“baselining is looking at how someone acts, sounds and speaks when they're telling the truth.”
“ I trust the body because it's hard to be incongruent, it takes more energy.”
“When you know what cues to spot, it gives you your confidence back, I think it's a secret backdoor into confidence.”
“Give our partners and our friends and our people as much communication advantages we have.”
“So if you've made it to set number three, with people over and over again, you're constantly in set three, you're constantly seeing red flags, you've confirmed, you've seen clusters, what's going on, you've done research, those people should not be in your life.”
“It's against our nature to put any kind of lie in writing because we think to ourselves, I could get caught.”
“It's really important to distinguish between ill will lies, like lies that don't mean well, and lies that people don't know themselves well enough.”
“I would rather live in hard truth than ignorant bliss. I would rather hear the truth than think that everything's okay and it's not.”
“Being sterile and emotionless and not using personal pronouns and not using emotional words actually makes you sound dishonest.”
Follow Vanessa Van Edwards:
Website: www.scienceofpeople.com/
RU-vid: / vanessavanedwardsyt
Twitter: / vvanedwards
Instagram: / vvanedwards
Facebook: / vvanedwards
3 авг 2021
