i think that people should be dating for a little longer before inviting them to parties. but, the friends should have talked about her feelings towards the boyfriend, with lily.
I think that if it was communicated that they don’t like him, then it’s justified, but if she doesn’t know why then I think crab apple instead of good apple.
3rd story: it is completely reasonable to ask her not to bring her boyfriend when MULTIPLE people have expressed that they are UNCOMFORTABLE around him. I completely disagree with you. If she’s disinvited she’s no longer co-hosting, easy, they originally just disinvited him and she chose to value him over her friends and disinvited herself. I have been with my partner since high school (6 years now) and I made it a point and still make it a point to go to events separately because I think it’s important to sustain individual relationships with other people (and yourself) as well. We still go to most events together, especially major things like weddings, but for smaller parties with my female friends or his make friends we usually go independently. I think she’s a good apple, the only thing I would suggest doing differently would be to say that it was just a friend thing and not have significant others come unless they are also integrated into the organic friend group.
I do agree with you about going to events separately from one’s partner (we also do this, been together almost 8 years) but I do think the fact that the friend was co-hosting makes it tricky. If someone is a co-host I think there should be more of a discussion about who is invited. I also find it interesting that even though the friend has only been dating this boyfriend for a short time, so many friends already have an opinion about him. I am not saying they are wrong, but it could also be not knowing him that well (I do have friends’ partners that I did not have a great opinion of at first but then ended up being friends with when I got to know them better). I also think that having a conversation with the friend might be better - of course that could have happened and just not mentioned. But yes I agree with you that partners are not automatically invited. If I want to invite your partner I will say he is invited.
@@s.a.4358 the thing is that the friend asked initially if she could bring her boyfriend and OP has said no since the first ask. I’d agree more about the co-hosting thing if that wasn’t the case plus OP made it clear that their friend wasn’t truly fulfilling their co-hosting ‘duties’ (they specifically mentioned that they were supposed to go shopping for the event together and the friend ended up not going). The friend asked and is upset because the answer wasn’t what she wanted which isn’t what asking is for. If OP had initially agreed to invite him and changed their mind, I’d be more sympathetic to the crab apple votes RR and others have given, but absolutely still wouldn’t think bad apple like some are saying. It’s also a small party with 7-9 friends, it’s wild to me that RR compared this event to a wedding, multiple people refusing to attend if he’s there is a big deal. The event is happening at OPs house and they get final say in who’s invited.
Story #2: That man needs to RUN! And he needs to get as FAR away from that family as possible. And here's why: That 15-year-old girl KNOWS how to manipulate a situation. She KNOWS what to say and how to act. She WILL accuse him one day of something horrible. And it WILL be her word against his.
Also, why wasn't the teenager MADE to apologize when she came home? If she is able to pull such a prank, she should be able to apologize, especially given his possible consequences
Absolutely. The mom wants him to play a parental role (making him an emergency pickup/contact at the school, and having him take the child to appointments) but he is told he can't play an active role in parenting decisions like discipline, or allowed to be angry in a situation that anger is a rational emotional reaction to? Nope, that's setting him up to fail.
Story 2: It seems like the soon-to-be stepdad is being tasked with parent responsibilities without any of the rights that provides. Riley needs to take him to school with her and apologize to the principal and the resource officer as well as introduce him. Then he needs to be put on the approved pick up list.
Agreed! Maybe it is different where I live but I was also wondering why OP is not permanently on the list. I have a half brother who is much younger (I was an adult when he was born) and I was from the beginning on the pick-up list for his preschool just in case neither his mom nor our (common) father could pick him up. It only happened a few times and the preschool was always informed the day of, but I was on the list permanently just in case and to make sure there is no misunderstanding.
Story #2: Additionally, this 'charming individual' of a teenager needs to make amends with school office personnel and the resource officer. Mom, fiancé, and Riley all need to go to the school for an introductions and mea culpa session, because she lied to all of them as well and OP also needs to be added to the approved pick-up list. AND OP needs to consider if he really wants to marry into this situation.
Yes good point about apologising to the school, who might have been on alert that an unknown man is prowling around the school. It’s a stressful situation for OP for sure, but also for the school who needs to ensure safety.
Story #1 - This is an odd one. I feel like both OP and his wife are each coming from a good place and neither one meant any harm. Both just care about the kid and are trying to put him first. To me, this isn't so much a full argument as it’s just two young parents still figuring out how to co-parent.
This is where I am at with this story as well. There was an issue and it was brought up in a way that, IMO, it wasn’t rude or disrespectful. He could’ve taken her emotions into account, yes, but she could’ve understood that her actions make his job harder when she’s not here. Idk if I’d call him a crab apple, but if he is, so is she as they both could’ve done better in communicating.
I don't necessarily think either of them are bad apples... I agree that they're BOTH CRAB APPLES ... COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN MARRIAGE‼️ My husband and I have been married for 28 years and raised 3 kids together. It TOOK a lot of communication to get it done 👍🏻🥰🥰🥰❣️ Luckily they ALL still live with us❣️ They are 26, 24 and 21! I don't EVER want to think of the day that they will move out... They will ALWAYS be my babies❣️ 💞 ALOHA FROM HAWAI'I 💞🌹 LYSSA 🌹
I don’t think either is a bad apple. Maybe crab apple but only because they are both humans and not perfect. I think OP is within his right to say what he said, because the wife disregarded the rules they BOTH decided on in terms of child-rearing (would be different if OP were imposing rules the wife is not on board with) and that’s not helpful, neither both the parents’ ability to parent and nor for the child to get clear guidance of how to behave. I can understand that OP got frustrated. On the other hand he could have addressed the issue in a better way, probably speaking up calmly before he got too frustrated. And maybe if this was a one-off thing, he could even have let it go. I don’t think OP meant to hurt his wife’s feelings. I think the wife letting the son disregard the house rules was not a good move, also because ultimately it is not helpful to the child to be overtired or high of candy. But I can completely understand that she is feeling guilty, wants to spend fun time with her child (rather than have to discipline) and also is probably feeling sad that her son seems to be more bonded with his father than with her. She has completely human emotions, so even if I think her behaviour was not the best, I cannot really say she is a bad apple. She didn’t have malicious or bad intentions, she just wants more good times with her little boy. Parents are humans too and I do think it would be great for the wife to get support - in whatever form that may be, OP or/and other - to help her not feel guilty for being a working mom. It will benefit her to feel better and not like she is somehow failing, and ultimately a mom who feels good about herself is also better for the child. Everybody wins. They both sound like good parents who love their child and are doing their best, so I think they are good apples.
Yes, I feel like Rebecca may have had a bit of bias on this one that prevented her from recognizing key differences between the OP's circumstances and her own experience with her friend's wedding. OP originally asked Lily to co-host this party with her before Lily had a boyfriend, so it wasn't an issue of (and I'm paraphrasing) "[If you don't want her boyfriend to attend] then just don't cohost with her" as Rebecca led her assessment with. It was a 7 person party, and with 3 people cancelling bc of this guy it would have been a non-event just so that the "more important friend" Lily didn't have to spend a few hours without her boyfriend of 3 days. I wouldn't even want to be there if it were some guy I couldn't stand, let alone spend all of that money to entertain him and 4 people at most, assuming they don't bail after hearing about everyone else cancelling. I feel like bias may have blinded her to the nuance in circumstances here.
Mrs. Rogers, I think you missed the point in story #3 where the boyfriend came on the scene after the party was initially planned. Plus, there were multiple people who were made uncomfortable by the boyfriend. Another thing that I noticed was it sounded like Lilly made a conscious choice to not go to the party because her boyfriend was not invited. I go good apple for OP on this story.
As a parent, the dad is doing what he has to do. The mom needs to get her emotional issues in order and they should talk through all that, but she's undermining everything they've been trying to do in the name of feeling better. NTA.
Honestly the only thing I could say is how you talk matters mom is 100% in the wrong and messing things up I think he should talk to her about maybe doing therapy and maybe including her in the play they are already doing. The play thing is something I do for my husband to help them bond in a way that doesn’t throw everything I am working on in the air he works 12 hours swing shift 5 days a week it’s hard. He also goes to therapy it started as us going together and me seeing my own therapist and now he sees one of his own too.
@@kearstinnekenerson6676I was also thinking about that, how to include mom in the playing. Maybe they could even do something for mom when she is not around, like make her drawing, a small snack for when she is gets home, have a pillow for mom in the pillow forth, something like that. I think it might be fun for the child and also nice for the mom to know they think about her (which I think they do, but it’s always nice to get reassurance) I do think the mom didn’t do well to mess up the set rules (which she also agreed to) but I also feel for her missing her child and feeling guilty. I think that is the main issue because feeling guilty or sad is not helpful to mom-ing. And she is probably an awesome mom and her child is a happy child, but of course parent guilt and worry is real. Going to see a therapist is a great idea, to take care of herself.
@@cathleenc6943 the mother works long and irregular hours. A toddler’s schedule needs some regularity in naps / going to bed, meal times, going to daycare, etc. It’s not as easy as making the child live in shifts to adjust to the working shifts of the mother.
@s.a.4358 but it is not impossible to be somewhat flexible in setting up that schedule to try. It is debatable whether or not extremely rigid regularity of schedule is actually more important than the child being able to form and maintain a secure and healthy bond with his mother.
Story 1: Babysitter here! I’m not a parent, so obviously I don’t know what it’s like to be a full time caregiver, but I think there’s some things to think about with the first story. Every kid is different!! Some kids might work better with strict schedules, and some might feel better with a looser one. I think that maybe the dad knows how the kid lives best, and maybe got frustrated when his wife didn’t know that about the kid. It didn’t say specifically so I don’t want to assume, but that’s what I thought the case might be.
Story 1: Schedules can be a little dynamic every so often, but rules like no sweets before dinner can not be dynamic. If you start "just this once" children will have full on meltdowns for a couple of weeks because they don't understand why it was ok one day and not another. Children especially young ones need boundaries. I agree though the dad needed to say something sooner and calmer than letting it build up until it reached a boil. It's understandable, it happens, but it is something he needs to work on. 🦀 🍎
1. If you let your kid go off schedule 1 day, it takes up to 2 weeks in my experience to get them remotely back on it. Those couple weeks end up generally being a nightmare and the kids act up so much after getting off schedule
I agree they are but at the same time he is the parent who set that schedule. So if it's not working for both parents he needs to fix the schedule so it does. They need figure out a way to allow mom time with her kid. If that means he leave and does something by himself all Saturday so mom and Kid can have there time to connect then he needs to do that. He could also include mom in everything when she is home. For example. Want lunch go ask mom. Want to watch TV go ask mom if you can watch it with her. He is not fostering a relationship between his wife and child. He is he must be kept on schedule and I really don't care if your fealing guilty. Specially if the reason she is working so much is because they need money because nurses make more the teachers.
Story #3 - "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one" Unless everyone else invited to the party is bringing a significant other or the # of guests already includes some couples, i dont see a reason why a random, recent boyfriend should be included, if its gonna cause nearly half the rest of the guests to drop out. Yea, maybe they should try to be more accepting of him in the scheme of things, but this ONE party should not make or break friendships that are much longer than this new boyfriend.
k for that 3rd story, i’d go good apple honestly. if MULTIPLE people have said they won’t go if that guy is there or he makes people uncomfortable, obv that guy has some sort of reputation. also i wouldn’t want multiple of my friends to not go to a party of mine because they don’t like one guest that i don’t like either. it’s ok to have a good time without your partner and with friends your partner isn’t friends with. if that friend drops you as a friend because she wanted to force you to be around someone who made you uncomfortable and is rude, they were never your friend. (also if she can get uninvited, its not her party)
3rd story: I think you forgot that she OFFERED to not go if her boyfriend could not go, and OP said that was fine, and this boyfriend makes multiple previously invited guests uncomfortable. OP was the good apple in my opinion
Riley wasn’t “playing a prank”. That girl was clearly being malicious. This man needs to run the other way. It will not get better. If Riley has a problem with it all maybe she needs to punish her mom because it’s not the fiancé’s fault.
She needs punishment at school and home!!! If she keeps disrespecting people like this she needs to be put in a program/camp/school/etc. If she is willing to toy with this man’s life, and possible traumatize an entire school… she will do much worse when she is older!! There needs to be consequences!!! He has every right to scream and be angry!! He could’ve been seriously harmed!!!
I agree, but also think he should not have gotten upset at the mom because Riley could have told the school that she didn't know him even if the mom had called and the same thing would have happened.
@@maeelliott3458 he should be upset that the child she raised acted like that, and his fiancé thought it wasn’t a big deal!! Her and her daughter need therapy if he’s going to stay in that relationship!! Her daughter could’ve been the cause of a funeral AND a whole school needing trauma therapy!!!! He has every right to be angry and yell if he wanted to!!!
It was definitely not okay when she acted like it was no big deal. And she shouldn't keep him out of the disciplining if she is ever going to understand that, while he's not her dad, he is a person of authority and needs to be respected.
For story 3, I say good apple. Lily has been dating this guy for a week. This guy makes a ton of people uncomfortable, who knows why. But he makes so many people uncomfortable because he’s rude. It sounds like she talked to Lily about how he makes people uncomfortable and Lily said that if he isn’t going then she won’t go either. So OP said fine then don’t go. I don’t think she did anything wrong.
Story 2: I think Riley needs more than a punishment, she needs an education. Like, taking her around the local police station to see the reality of prison insofar as it is safe and appropriate. We don't use the police as a weapon.
Story3: Good apple. That is a new relationship. I’ve seen horror/drama/mystery movies… that man does not need to go to THIS party. They can give him another chance if they want. I don’t think that relationship is going to last, and they shouldn’t throw friendship(s) away for a random dude she just started dating. She doesn’t have to let a man she hardly knows into her home!!! That’s dangerous!!
Story 2: there is a huge problem here as mum is allowing her child to dismiss the other adult in the household. The fact the child at 15 years old thought it was ok to “joke” in this way is really telling. At that age I’d expect she knew how serious that could be and it shows enormous disrespect. The child doesn’t have to accept OP as a parent figure but showing respect is required. Excluding OP from all aspects of parenting is a misstep in this instance. Good apple
Story two: This man should RUN from this family. As a mother, she shouldn't marry someone her daughter hates while they are under same roof. Problems will continue.
story 3: i agree with you in the sense that op needs to be prepared to loose a friend and if ur cohosting with someone you would assume they are closer so out of respect for the friendship her bf should be invited. however, with this party being planned before they started dating i think it is more reasonable for op not to want him there. op may not have asked her to cohost if they were dating. also if this is new relationship and the friends don’t like him, being at a party together may be toxic for everyone because emotions are fresh, where if this was a longer situation emotions about this relationship would have calmed down. i still think she may lose her friend over this and should consider if its worth it. in my opinion op is a good apple only because of circumstances but i dont think she can be mad if this ruins their friendship
(story 3)i totally understand where rebecca is coming from, but, this is a NEW boyfriend, who was not on the original guest list. the op then told her friend her new boyfriend would not be added to the guest list, because then her other friends (who were on the original guest list) wouldnt come, and he made them uncomfortable. the friend than said she wouldnt come, TO THE PARTY SHE WAS HOSTING. this was a new boyfriend, and she picked him over her friends. if it is just a small xmas party with friends, i think that the boyfriend doesnt need to come, and friend can spend time with him later.
The mom is the bad apple as is the daughter. Guy could have been arrested. Not to mention, in today’s world, officers have shot people, especially guys, under a situation like this.
Oh my gosh! That second story! What the heck? I get the whole 'I got busy at work, so I forgot to call the school' thing, like that makes sense! But to say that he's overreacting because your daughter almost got him ARRESTED? Leave, my guy! This family seems really toxic to me! Fiance's the bad apple! Stepdad is a good apple!
Yes, yes, yes! This is so toxic. The mother forgot about her daughter basically. Her forgetting to call the school is egregious behavior. She and Riley should be coming in super apologetic. The mother allowed Riley to go straight to her room without this, shows how little importance he has in the family.
@@janejones7638good point about not making Riley apologise. Of course she needs to be punished, and that discussion can come later, but apologising is the minimum and should happen right away.
I don't understand the crab apple for the third one. How exactly could OP have acted any better? 1. She asked her friend to co-host the party before her friend started dating this guy 2. It seems her friend kind of missed some of her co-hosting duties to begin with 3. This new boyfriend would destroy the party because half the guests won't show up if he's there So basically, OP has to choose whether to have a Christmas party with most of her original guests, or only half of them plus one guy she doesn't really know and doesn't seem to like. The co-hosting argument is not very strong when the situation changed after the co-hosting agreement was made. If the friend is uninviting herself and OP is agreeing, they're basically agreeing not to co-host anymore. The friend didn't seem to have put that much effort into co-hosting yet, so it doesn't seem like she's owed anything regarding the party. So what exactly is the problem? For the 4th story: My first instinct is that the girlfriend met someone that made her doubt her relationship. I would be very wary if she asked me not to "extend the trip and keep enjoying together" but to "go home and let her explore herself". Like, that alone is rather suspicious, even leaving aside the part where she admits she wants to think about the relationship, and that she expects her little extension trip to be all expenses paid. I wouldn't break up with her on the spot but this would be a cue for me to seriously reconsider the relationship.
Story #4 - That's the quickest I've ever typed good apple. The girlfriend is entitled and it sounds like she was just using "I'm finding myself" an excuse to get OP to spend more money on her.
I've read the story on Reddit. She met a guy on one of the days that OP wasn't feeling good and stayed in their room while she went out. She wanted to stay so she could spend time with the new guy.
@@TsukiNoShinjitsuwow!!! The audacity of asking her current boyfriend to pay for her to extend a vacation so she can cheat on him with a vacation fling. I mean already the cheating, but then to expect her current partner to fund it. Some people really think the sun shines out of their ass.
On the two girls co hosting, the boyfriend wasn’t in the picture to start with. He’s literally like a week old. No one likes him and he would ruin the party. Why would you think someone who your friend has known for less than a week should ruin the Christmas party? Clearly the friend is the problem here.
also for weddings there are people who make it rule that if you have a new relationship to not bring them to the wedding bc they don't want their friend's random fling in their photos😭
@@Bella-wz9xwhaha, this! I am planning my wedding at the moment and I actually have that issue. One of my childhood friends has a boyfriend I never met - they have been together for about 10 months now, but were not together when I first made my guest list and I don’t actually know him. I know I cannot not invite him but I actually don’t want to invite him because I don’t know him. Of course I will invite him but it’s more for my friend’s sake and out of politeness and obligation, not out of wanting (which tbh is also a cost issue as we need to make sure we stay in budget and everything counts - without that I’d not care as much).
Which is why it was not a prank at all and actually a very serious thing, which the stepdaughter really needs to understand. Also from the viewpoint of the school, who were told a suspicious man is prowling the premises and trying to get access to a minor, which is probably being treated as a serious security concern.
Flexible…with the SLEEP schedule??!! 😂 My anxiety spikes just thinking about it and my “babies” are way out of toddler years! Yeah, no. Some us had kids who could sleep wherever and whenever, and then some of us barely survived those nap days! OP is solidly in Crab Apple territory. It should have been handled differently, but man, it’s relatable.
Yeah and it varies from kid to kid. Some kids are fine with more flexibility and other (particularly neurodivergent kiddos) will have giant meltdowns if you deviate from the schedule by more than like 30min. It should definitely be discussed calmly with a non accusatory problem solving attitude vs accusatory. So I agree with the crab apple rating, but the mom is making her life harder out of guilt
I know this is a hot topic, but I remember hearing that story somewhere else and in the comments he clarified that he's also black which puts a whole other light on the situation. If that resource officer was racist or even just more trigger happy? There are officers who will shoot pedophiles and creeps on sight so Terrifying situation
I remember this last story the gf just wanted to use that time to cheat on op with some Italian dude. Op then gives her a ultimatum to be a the airport when the plane leaves or figure it out yourself (which also includes the hotel room). So the morning of the return op leaves for the airport and sometime later the gf appears (because she does not have money for a hotel room). Op then find out the real reason she want to stay and breaks up with her when they get back home.
Story 2: I think she needs detention!!! She needs consequences at school!!! He could’ve been severally harmed!!!!! This could have been a code red!!! She could’ve traumatized a whole school full of people!!!! Take her phone, she can go to school and home, no friends, no sports, andddd she will tell the principal what she did!!! That’s disgusting!!!! She will make a terrible adult if they don’t teach her respect now!!!
Agreed… imagine if they did arrest him over this? How much more would it have mattered to the mom? Curious. I just didn’t like her reply like let me and her dad handle it. So you only want him to “handle” things when needed. That’s fine but she did something when he was in charge. Idk just felt a little yucky. And just the way he describes his temperament, he doesn’t sound like an unreasonable person, he had every right to be upset. That kind of label they attach to someone who does that kind of thing can be so damning, true or not.
Story 1: I think both parents are crab apples. They need to communicate better. She needs to look at the schedule, especially the sweets and naps. They need to work on the schedule when she has her off days. That way, she doesn't feel left out, and everyone knows what is happening. Story 2: OP is a good apple. The mom and Riley are bad apples. Dump them both.
Story one: Good apple. Having certain schedules set for young ones is crucial. He did bring up several times to her that she is taking him off his schedule and's just feeling way too guilty. What I would tell her is that it's okay and her baby still loves her and will always love her. Story two: Good Apple. Heard this one before and OMG OP needs to run because this family sucks and is scary. If this man stays, that girl is going to accuse him of something bad and he's gonna go to jail. Story three: I feel like perhaps you needed to reread this one lol. Good apple. He was a NEW guy and everyone doesn't like this person so...Also there really doesn't need to be a deeper meaning as to why someone may not like you lmao!!!! Story four: Heard this one too. Good apple. She just wanted to cheat on him, there was an update and she met a man and wanted to be with him for a while. OP was sick for a night of their trip and she met some dude who was "magical" for her lol.
"Your head won't explode, I promise" LMAO!! I've just had to step away from conversations from certain people on various SM when they get rude and "troll like" by name calling, block them and move on with my life. No time for that nonsense. :) I'm all about having open minded conversations with respect... have those all the time! :) #1 - I agree with Crabapple... it could have been handled better, but hindsight is 20/20 and his frustration shined thru. While she may be feeling out of sorts, she needs to hold to the schedule as best she can for the child's sake. #2 - He had every right to be upset, and I agree with you Rebecca #4 Beyond entitled and he needs new friends!
I think neither parent meant to act badly or hurt the other, but they are both human and therefore not perfect. I think crab apple is justified because I can understand the mom feeling emotional and guilty for not having enough time with her child, so even thought she was wrong I can understand why, and OP is justified to feel frustrated but the way he bought it up was not the best. Nobody is perfect but I think they can talk about it calmly and learn how to parent better next time.
For the first one - Night Shift can be incredibly difficult, even among functioning adults. My partner is a night shift employee, and the only way I ever even get to spend time with them is because I am on disability, and can interact with him on my good pain days. I know there are comments stating that she needs to "suck it up," but when you have a schedule that is not considered a "normal job" or a normal 9-5, it makes functioning in this world very difficult if not impossible at all. So I do agree with you about having a sit-down and a talk first to ensure that things can come to a middleground For number two - I do think there does need to be some...respect where step-parents are concerned. I'm saying this as a step-child whose been through it with both her parents, and a father that married his "mistress of 12 years"(he denies it, mother doesn't it's a whole thing and the reason for their divorce). While it's very hard as a step-child to accept new people in their life, it is also very important for the step-child to recognize that yes, these people aren't going anywhere and though you may not like them you can't get them arrested for something they did not do. Also it is very important to make the child feel like they're not forgotten about, and that may include the step-dad spending more time with her as well. Calling the cops on someone whose agreed to take care of you and doesn't abuse you is wrong.
with story 3, i dissagree with crab apple, and i think it shouldve been good apple for the girl uninviting lilly. for the fact this was a man she started dating just that week, and its not that they just didnt like him, but they stated he made the others uncomfortable. think about it, if you were going to go to a party and find out that someone you hardly know that makes you and everyone else feel uncomfortable, you probably wouldn’t want to go either. she also did not say her friend couldn’t come, just the boyfriend. she could have understood the others feelings and still came just by herself. she chose to decide she wasn’t going to go if he wasn’t.
On the first story, your recommendation on how to approach it, was literally what the dad did. He didn't yell at her or snap at her in front of the kid. He put the kid down at the time the kid needed to be asleep anyway, and then explained to his wife that what she was doing was harmful. She started crying about hearing facts, which made him feel guilty. Kids need boundaries, teaching him that "mom is the fun parent" doesn't help him at all, it just builds resentment toward dad. Who is the one actually raising the kid. If the genders were flipped and it was dad pulling this shit no one would hesitate to say mom is in the right for calling him out on it.
Story 1: crab apple. Dad could have handled it better with Mom. Mom did need to know that she was hurting her child in the long run by not staying with a schedule when she is home with her child. Yeah it’s frustrating for dad but it will hurt both parents in the long run because the child will see that mom and dad aren’t a team and the child can play off the parents to get their way. I’ve watched it happen with friends who were like this and their kids were holy terrors where ever they went because they knew they could do whatever and which ever parent would discipline them the other parent would let them off the hook.
School story: if I were the fiancé, I would say that the solution is to make an appointment for all three of them (mom, daughter, fiance) with the princepal, counselor, and school resource officer, and have the mom and daughter explain their mistakes, and introduce the fiancé, and make sure all proper paperwork is done to ensure he is on the list of approved pick up list, and until that happens, be unwilling to pick up the daughter from school.
The second story I would not have blamed him if he did yell I forget stuff all the time and if I dropped the ball like that when my husband and I were engaged with my daughter I would have been apologizing profusely and my daughter would have been addressed with both of us. My kid was 7 when we got married but her biological father has never been involved never wanted to be. And your missing that she just got with this guy after they planned the party he is fresh doesn’t need to be invited
Story 2. That girl needs the HARSHEST punishment for that! She could gave gotten him arrested or worse! This EASILY could have spiralled and ruined his life! I have personally seen false allegations like this ruin people's lives! So he is the good apple. P.s. I'm sorry, but I am struggling to figure out how the mom forgot to call. Wouldn't it be you call the office as soon as you hung up with your husband? This isn't a situation of "Take a number, i'll get back to you." This is a very important situation that needs your attention now. Im sorry i can not see a world where she couldn't take the 5 minutes to call the school immediately after the phone call with her husband.
Happy AP Day Rebecca! I genuinely wanted to say thank you to you and your comment section for expanding my perspectives on a lot of these issues and stories that I never would have thought about so in depth if it wasnt for you guys! ❤ Really opened my eyes to a lot of new things.
1st Story--I'm going Good Apple for this reason. He put the kid to bed ONE HOUR after the kid's nap time. That's not her stretching the schedule to squeeze in more time. That's taking a shredder to the schedule, and you just can't do that with a young child. They need a lot of structure. Do I feel bad for the mom? Absolutely. But she needs to understand that her actions are doing actual harm to the child and her husband. Really, she's acting like the divorced weekend parent who never tells their kid no. And we all agree those people are bad parents. 2nd Story--There is so much very, very, very wrong about the whole situation. First, why in the hell isn't he on the list? They've been engaged for 3 months and dating for years. Unless the father is being a jerk about this to keep him off the list, that should have been fixed months ago. Second, the brat acting out is one thing, but she got very close to ruining that man's life for good. He's probably going to get looks if and when he does get on the list for the rest of the 12-year-old's time at that HS, much less the few years the 15-year-old has left there. She needs to be punished severely with a detailed explanation of why what she did was so horrific. And then he should have nothing to do with her ever again. No picking her up. No doing anything for her until she fully and earnestly apologizes. She doesn't have to like him, but when your first significant action is this, there will be a 2nd action if it isn't nipped in the bud. And you don't want your life used as a Lifetime Movie which is where she's headed. Good Apple. 3rd Story--Yeah, I agree with the others. You missed the timeline. She asked for the co-hosting before the girl started dating the guy no one likes. But the girl is a clear AH as it was one week in the relationship. That's way too early to be introducing him to her friends, much less taking him to a party with a bunch of women he doesn't know. She should have been told to step down as co-host (honestly, what had she done to that point other than be labeled co-host? No decorations or putting them up and too early to order the food more than likely). I'm going Good Apple regardless of why they don't like him. 4th Story--The title is completely misleading. He didn't abandon her. She had the ticket but wanted to stay for free. Oh, and you left out the part about WHY she wanted to stay. He stayed in one night while she went out partying. And met an Italian man she wanted to have fun with to see if that guy was the one instead of the man she'd been with for 2 years and paid for her to go to Italy for 2 years. Easy Good Apple
Just a suggestion with your well wishes (which I love that❤) but as a an Australian this comes about on a wendsday morning so that the well wishes has already passed. Is there away you could do some for a Wendsday on a Tuesday? Love you keep up the work ❤❤❤
Story 3: I agree with Rebecca! If this is the worst case scenario, and he’s a bad guy, this is part of how abusers work-they get their victim to cut ties with the other people in their life. If you have a friend and you’re worried their partner isn’t treating them well, one of the most important things is making sure it’s never in question whether their support system is there for them or not. If you think your friend’s boyfriend makes fun of her too much, you sit down with her and say, “Hey, I’m just worried that whenever we’re together, he says stuff about you that feels unkind to me, and I want you to know that you don’t deserve to be treated that way.” You DON’T say, “You’re not invited to the party anymore!” I personally would go bad apple here.
In story two, I don’t agree with leaving the stepdad out of the discipline aspect of the parenting. The teenager will never learn to respect him if the mom and dad don’t get on board. If that kid is so good at manipulating people around her to get what she wants, it’s only going to get worse. And why couldn’t the mom call the dad, why is the step dad NOT on the approved pick up list, and why is the mom ok with leaving him out of the big discipline talks? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩run
Story 2: not a parent, but I am a child of divorce whose parents both got remarried when I was 15. I didn’t always get along with my stepmom or stepdad as a teenager, but I cannot IMAGINE pulling a stunt like Riley did. That’s completely unacceptable. Accusing someone of being a predator can follow them around forever, regardless of whether or not he’s guilty. It’s not something to joke about! He had every right to raise his voice at his fiancée- like you said, normal discipline should 100% be between the two bio parents, but they’re not handling it seriously at all and that’s notttt ok.
Bc this was posted on school bus driver appreciation day, i want to say that Mr. C is the best bus driver anyone could have. And i am really hoping that I can continue to have him as my bus driver ❤
7:14 it REALLY depends on the kid, some kids really need structure and routine and others are able to shake things up every once in a while. I think they should have talked before scolding but naps are important for young kids.
OK for the 2 story honestly I would’ve just left the fiancé. He is very reasonably angry he could’ve gotten arrested. And she is claiming he’s overreacting? That’s not someone I’d want to be married to. This guy has a lot more patience than I ever could.
Same! Cops shoot people for less, like, putting him in a situation where the cop has reason to think dude is a predator and he might have to arrest him is unacceptable.
My son tells the bus drivers thankyou every day they tell me he is the sweetest kid on the bus but sometimes he just really needs his headphones. I’m about to buy him some loops for kids
Hey I’m a disabled and neurodivergent teen. parents like you help kids like us feel comfortable enough to be unapologetically us and not feel ashamed this comment gives me hope your son is blessed to have such a great Mum ♾️✨❤️😭🌈
@@valeriew2934 awe thank you so much I have recently been diagnosed myself with autism and adhd so I just understood what he was going through and just knew what happened with me didn’t work because I’m still trying to figure out how to function fully in my 30’s. Just started Adderall yesterday and just couldn’t help but cry because of how much of a difference it is making for me if I had this years ago I would have been able to do so much more for my kids
From a child physiology perspective and as a child who has been in a similar situation, I think Riely in story 2 sees the stepdad as a threat and is potentially trying to get rid of said threat. I think when self-advocacy didn't work, she resorted to more extreme measures. I think mum, dad and stepdad need to have a talk to Riely and maybe involve a therapist because kids, in my experience, don't do that 'as a prank'. I'm sure there are plenty that do, but this is my experience.
First story: For how important structure is, it really depends on the kid. But it does sound like the kiddo did need his nap. What I didn’t like was how the OP made the problem into an adversarial one instead of a mutual one. Like, “You’re worried about how your job is affecting your relationship with our son. What can we do together to make sure that bond stays strong?” Instead he made it about himself… he seemed more concerned about having to be the strict one than anything else. He could also put more effort into facilitating his wife’s time with their son, like, inviting mommy into the pillow fort.
Story 1: firstly, dad’s concerns are reasonable. Secondly, I totally understand the mother in this situation. I’m the working mum and missing them is hard - especially when a lot of my mum friends get to be stay at home parents and it seems to highlight my absence and what I’m missing. OP went about this the wrong way. I agree crab apple.
For story 1. Every kid is different so with Dad being primary caregiver he will know his own kid best. If structure and schedule works for Jay he needs to sit down with Mom and explain that to her. Write out a schedule and stick it on the wall. That being said: I have a 4yo with ADHD. For him strict schedules with set times for everything do not work. What works for him is routine. Eg he wakes up, gets dressed, eats breakfast, brushes teeth. Having those things follow each other without a time attached works because he knows that after breakfast he brushes his teeth but sometimes he can take 45 mins to eat because he gets distracted or plays with his food but when he is finished he goes and brushes. Rules MUST be consistent though. In my house we have a "no screen time before preschool" rule because that only distracted him and caused him to not want to go to school. My husband allowed tv one morning before he went to work and left me to get the kid to school. Naturally kid pitched a fit when i turned it off and he didnt want me to. So i took a video of him crying and yelling for the tv and sent it to my husband with a message of "this is why he doesnt get tv" it never happened again. Kids get confused very quickly when the rules change, they have big feelings and they dont know how to express them without a tantrum. Keeping consistent boundaries allows the child to be secure in their home, know right from wrong, and allow them to know where things stand. Dad needs to talk to his wife calmly and without Jay around to communicate what goes wrong when the boundaries dont get enforced. I spoke to my husband a few times about the tv before resorting to the vid. He didnt understand so i had to show him. Maybe that something this Dad needs to do too. But he needs to try communicate clearly first. Sorry for the novel.
I've heard the last story before, apparently in an update it OP finds out that his girlfriend cheated on him with a local guy during the trip and wanted to stay to continue being with the other man. Needless to say, they broke up
Story 2: mom did good for punishing the kid, stepdad did bad for losing his temper. However, neither is the bad apple. The kid is. Stepdad needs to think about if he wants to marry into a family where Riley will try to get him in trouble. Riley is a danger to him
Story 3: I've been seeing people talk about the missed detail of Lily trying to change plans after they had already set everything up but I was more thinking that OP should be concerned for her friend. If multiple people are getting bad vibes from the boyfriend I think it would be smart to keep an eye on that situation. Cuz if the friend with pressure to leave she probably just ditch her friends. And if the other friends and OP are misconstrued about the guy just monitoring the situation could possibly be the best option. I'm definitely going to go good apple if not maybe crap apple.
can we make an laugh apple? BC I FOUND IT SO FUNNY HOW SHE WAS LIKE "ya i'm trying to have my eat pray love moment but i expect you to pay for this even though we'll be separated" LIKE THATS A FUNNY APPLE A LAUGH APPLE TOO UNSERIOUS😭😂
I come from a blended family (my mom remarried when I was 12) I totally agree with the situation, and I don’t think step dad is in the wrong whatsoever- but I think it would help for him and Rylees father to sit down and talk, maybe figure out why she struggles with him so much. That’s the spot where I’m unsure because my father passed away, so there was no co-parenting. I think giving her some time and space, but also having the punishment come from ALL 3 parents is healthy. He may not be her father, but he is a father figure in her life and needs to be treated with that level of respect.
Story 2: Sir please RUN, playing like that could have gotten you locked up. What else will she play prank on you? Depending on your job getting arrested could cause serious issue. Nah I would be gone.
Story 3, I think it may have slipped her mind that he is Lily's boyfriend of a week! And after the party idea! Avery was probably Rebecca's partner for awhile, probably serious at that point. In a new relationship, people can miss red flags due that "honeymoon" new relationship phase. All her friends see the red flags and she might not. Also, he wasn't disinvited, he wasnt an origninal invite.
For story #1, I gave a good apple. I agreed with how Rebecca stated he should have worded it differently, but her guilt doesn't change the fact that, in this case, the child needed the structure. Fathers deal with this all the time. They work all day, and stay-at-home Moms have a structure and way for THEIR JOB (taking care of the child/children) to work, to make THEIR PRODUCTS (the kids) a better person (not spoiled). Would it be OK if he showed up at her hospital or clinic and changed the care she placed for the patients, messing up everything she had accomplished? No. Just because, in this case, the father is home doesn't change the fact that upbringing is important. The excuse can't be because MOMMY feels guilty. This is your choice and needs to be ok for the child's sake. Allowing the indulgences of a child because Mommy feels guilty will make it harder for the child to follow the rules. The kid will think they can get away with anything because of Mommy's guilt, and that puts a strain on a marriage that has already changed in structure when a child was put into the mix. I do know how she feels. I am also a nurse. I cared for my patients and the guilt killed me at first. I chose to take a break and stayed with my kids. I put the structure in place, and they are better for the parental care they got rather than the subpar care of a daycare. When they went to school, I was lucky enough to return to work part-time and be home with them after school. Children need dependability and structure. Psychologically, that is how trust is formed. The child in the story is developing well with the parents' rules and structures. She shouldn't mess it up, and as a nurse, she should know better than to change the "care plan" when it is giving good results!!!
For story 4, I know we normally try to avoid assumptions outside what's said in the story but... run dude! It's not even that she wants you to pay for her to chill in Italy without you while she contemplates dumping you, I'm willing to take the bet that she's found someone in Italy she wants to hook up with and she just needs to get you out of the way to make it easier to cheat on you all while you're still bankrolling her foreign affair.
For the 3rd story, I agree with others ... the boyfriend is NEW ... and he makes people uncomfortable ... and the friend who is SUPPOSED to cohost hadn't done anything "cohost-y".
Consistency is very important for children, having a schedule and parents being consistent with each other is highly beneficial. One parent being strict and the other being very lenient is not good for the child at all, so the mom breaking the schedule and being super lenient was definitely not doing any good for the child, and not just making things difficult for the father. However we can be empathetic to how she feels and why she's breaking the rules they agreed on, even if that doesnt make it okay. They needed to find a more calm, quiet moment to have an adult conversation about the problem. I don’t think either of them are a bad apple, but they could have communicated better and tried to look for a better solution together.
Story 1: I 100% agree with you, but I would say there are no bad apples because I understand both sides. They definitely need to talk things out, but I don’t think she was a bad apple for breaking rules to try and get time with their son and he isn’t either for getting frustrated
Story 2: Good Apple; the fiancée should have called the school right after talking with OP, and it’s good she’s taking the lie seriously, but she’s been letting things get this far that the daughter feels it’s ok to do something like this.
The first story is complicated. While I agree that parents should stick to the agreed upon schedule and other things involving the raising of their child, the child's schedule can and should be set to accommodate spending time with both parents. For instance, having a later or longer "afternoon" nap, so that the child can stay up later at night to see the other parent while still getting enough sleep. It seems like the father is making sure that the child's schedule conforms only to his own schedule, or conforms to the traditional "early to rise early to bed" schedule that is neither necessary, nor accommodating to modern work schedules.
I agree with everything except the third. It was a NEW boyfriend added after the small get together guest list was created. It is a sticky situation; however, it was a very small get together.
But so are familial bonds…and it was the weekend. A weekday, I would say ESH…and that schedule needs to be strict (because of how he approached her). I feel like the structure can be just a bit more relaxed, or at least changed, on the weekend…especially if it is to bond with Mom. Maybe they need to sit down and plan out a slightly different structure on days she is off. (But she absolutely cannot keep doing what she is doing either). I’m thinking some therapy might be in order for them. I also wonder if she could find a job at a doctors office with better hours (even if she makes a little less…and then picks up just one shift a week so she isn’t as exhausted. Perhaps she could go to a better hospital where her patient load isn’t as high. Different hospital have different ratios). I’d have if more things, instead of going on a stricter budget, worth not having a good relationship with her child?
@@Luazes never said they didn’t… she said she didn’t know how important structure was… so I was giving a good example of something. Maybe you should watch it, it goes over everything from structure, communication, discipline as a whole.
Story 3: Crab Apple; these don’t sound like good friends all around because they clearly never talked to their friend about why they don’t like the boyfriend.
Story 3: OP is the bad apple here. She had no right to say who Lily could invite. OP also had a chance to handle this better: uninviting Lily was not ok; OP could have said “ oh, I’d really like you to be there but I understand if you don’t want to and I hope we can still hang out in other situations“
