She’s 100% right - when I was at uni, one of the lecturers shared her vulnerability video with our class. I was never taught to be vulnerable even though I had moments of vulnerability in my early life especially. I held back a lot of my emotions. I’m glad that’s all over and I can feel whatever emotions I’m experiencing. It’s really helped me relate to other people in the process.
Yes, I feel that Brene is on to something real here. It takes courage to be vulnerable especially in this day in age where hyper-criticism runs rampant throughout our society. Please keep up your work Brene, please continue spread the message about the courage to be vulnerable and how it is an act of love toward oneself, this message is it truly needed and it will come a relief to many sensitive individuals that don't understand why they are vulnerable :)
It's always hard for me to help people through their problems, not that I can't, but rather I empathize and the experience becomes emotionally draining on me as well. I always try to help though and usually they feel better for it. Sadly, coming from the other side and being the one who's suffering through hard times, I find a lot of those same people who I opened up in trying to help, shut me out and change the subject to something trivial in avoidance. That's way harder to deal through.
Liked the idea around reckonsiling with your inner self in a similar period of hardship. The need for people at young ages to learn too communicate their feelings about beeing bullied is so important- Great presentation.
I appreciate the ability to be vulnerable, but only in certain circumstances and with certain people. I've been a bit of an empath my whole life. But I don't allow that to be an excuse for weakness or a pity party. Rather, for me & for me to "help" others help themselves... My Empathy Is The First Step To Helping Someone Else Overcome Any sadness and grief they've experienced. And THEN... What are they going to do to stand up under the scrutiny. How can they turn that vulnerability into a Test of Personal Strength - not allow it to be their weakness & excuse for failures. We LEARN from failing & trying again so we can walk on those learning moments... as rungs on a ladder to reach new heights... IMHO
I don't want to be vulnerable because most people us my V against me. I choose to be polite with others, but I have minimal desire to deeply connect with others.
Hi, Folks. For me, Brene Brown has her view of the world and of so-called 'vulnerability' and I have mine.. I am not saying that her view is wrong, only that I don't share it. I personally think that the word, "vulnerability", has been hi-jacked and over used and I am talking in the sense that it applies to emotions. It IS possible to share your emotions on even very deep and personal levels WITHOUT being hurt by the responses of others. HOW is this possible?????????????? All that is needed is for the person doing the sharing to BELIEVE that they are 'enough' as they currently see themselves and to have sufficient confidence that they are 'right' for themselves to not concern themselves with how others see them or what others may think or say about them, to know and to UNDERSTAND that what others may say or think about them 'ackshully' says more about 'the others' than it does about the one who is the subject of said thoughts or speech. This does not in any way imply that a person is insensitive. It simply means that such a person has sufficient confidence in their own beliefs, ideas and abilities to be able to live their life on their own terms, not necessarily not needing people in general but believing that they can survive and be happy without needing any particular specific individual in their life. 'Sorta like', "I am going thisaway. I would like to have you share the journey with me. IF you choose to come along, I will make accommodations for you to the extent that said accommodations do not interfere with or compromise my goals, ideals or beliefs. If that doesn't work for you, then you go your way and I'll go mine." NONE of us, once we have attained physical and emotional maturity, TRULY need any other specific individual in our lives. Yes, it can be 'nice' to have someone whose company we treasure by our sides as we go through life. BUTTTT, it is NOT essential to our survival. The closer one comes to being completely UNCONDITIONALLY loving of EVERYTHING that is simply because it IS TOTALLY WITHOUT judgement, the easier this becomes. If you disagree with what I am posting, please feel free and I acknowledge your right to do so. BUTTTT, if you wish to attack me and my views, PLEASE, first give some thought to the idea expressed above that whatever you might say or think about me 'ackshully' DOES say more about you than it does about me. Just my 0.02. You all have a wonderful day. Best wishes. Deas Plant.
I thought that last thing you wrote was, wow haha I'm one of the HSP (sensitive) and I have been watching videos on Brene for the past 3 weeks haha, now expecting all of her books in the mail! You just hit it right on the head ;) I love that shes spreading the word that being vulnerable is not a weakness. It requires such strength and courage. I also love how she talks and explains shame and guilt, its like something that used to be vague is now crystal clear and easy to understand :)
Here is a slightly tighter version of the transript: (NB Ix-nay!!!)" we think about vulnerability as a dark Emotion. you know, there are a lot of people who talk about them as positive emotions negative emotions dark emotions light emotions. we think of vulnerability as a dark emotion. we think of it as the core of fear and shame and grief and disappointment, uncertainty. things that we do not want to feel, right? things that " I don't want to be Vulnerable" because that means I'm afraid that means I'm uncertain that means I'm at risk I'm exposed I'm in grief. so , what we do is we armour up and we say "I do not want to slip into these dark Emotions; I will not let myself be Vulnerable. but here's what I learn from the research and certainly put into motion in my own life that was the most life-changing is that vulnerability is the center of difficult emotion. but it's also the birthplace of every positive emotion that we need in our lives: love belonging joy empathy. how many of you would agree that we're in a serious empathy deficit in our culture today? Totally, right? no loner ability no empathy. in a culture where people are afraid to be vulnerable you can't have empathy. here ,empathy is not a default response. if you share something with me that's difficult in order for me to be truly empathic I have to step into what you're feeling . and that's vulnerable. so there can be no empathy without vulnerability . why do you think in that example that I used while ago daughter comes home and says you Know: tears, no one sat with me at lunch Today. they made fun of what I was Wearing. so-and-so won't talk to me. they poured my books out of my locker . and the response back is "I told you I bought you all those cute jeans why aren't you wearing those jeans? and pull your hair Back." is that an empathic response? No, it's a shaming response. could that shaming response be …..it could a mother who absolutely adores her child respond with that shaming response? Please! say yes! don't kid yourself ! I mean come on! if you've got kids, if you're a parent sitting in here then you sure as hell know the answer that is yes .but why? why did that happen? what where was the access to Vulnerability?? Where was empathy? you can't access empathy ifyou're not willing to be vulnerable. So, my daughter comes home and tells that to me guess what I have to do? I have to reactivate that sweaty palmed seventh grader who lives inside me and I have to go oh god that's so hard. I'm so sorry. that's happened to me that's happened to me when I was in middle school and it's happened to me last week. let's talk about it .but you can't get there without Vulnerability. you can't fake empathy. innovation and creativity born of vulnerability this is my favorite part. I talked about this in the, I did another TED talk this year at Long Beach and I told the story that during 2011 and even this Year, after the big TEDx Houston talk went viral the big calls came from fortune 500 companies. oh my god we loved your TED talk it was great. please come talk to all of our senior Leaders. and just like okay um what do you want me to talk about? like we don't care just come and talk to us. just if you could Ix-nay the shame and vulnerability talk. I mean, EVERY single conversation barring maybe 10% . So, what do you mean? well , we like you you're funny, you have this great research I think there's a real fit with what we do. we just we don't really do you know that kind of stuff around here. so you if you could Just not mention vulnerability and shame. So, just for fun, for grins, I would say okay so, what would you like me to talk about? yeah fourth quarter earnings like I fricking don't even balance my checkbook um like I'm not going to talk about that . So, what do you want? What we what do you want me to talk about? Well, the big issue creativity and innovation ....mmm ..... and change we're going through a lot of change . like okay so, vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity innovation change and the reason that crisis is happening is because you're not talking about Vulnerability. imagine creativity and innovation without vulnerability: I'm asking you for a work product that has never been made before, that's completely Innovative. I need you to be creative and then ask you to present it to a group of people who are going to , half are gonna think it's stupid and not understand it. No vulnerability there!
Kiki, what I find really weird is how people seem to make the world in which they find themselves. Watching this vid and reading the comments is like I'm an extraterrestrial studying the natives. I have never seen vulnerability as a weakness or something dark. I put up a wall, but only for people who are trying to hurt me, and not because they can hurt me, but because I am bored and annoyed with their mindless attacks. I think I have always felt that I can't get upset about mean things people say because I don't respect the opinions of mean people, but, for me, 99% of people aren't mean anyway, so I don't really live in the same world as you where vulnerability is something bad.
I say there is too much emphathy, everyone has an excuse for anything they do, to the point criminals can claim to need emphathy because of their childhood
Same question, listened to the other TED talks before. None of this applies to men, as the definition of vulnerability (i.e. "the state of being weak or poorly defended.") Is literally the opposite of Masculinity (i.e. strength, stoicism, perseverance).
Like, for sure, like totally. Nah, your reversing what you're good at isn't a solution, for me that is. I don't know that friendly white one from your cargo. It's been Taco Bell workers in the past, now you're changing things up. They're all younger, meaning, none has ever had issues such as: elevated cholesterol, ulcers, aged joints, they're younger, don't know anything about aging. This is a solution for me alright, a very serious one at that. If I were you, do what I do daily, pray, read some of His precious and loving word, ask for deliverance from this. You know a lot of people, and a lot of people that you don't know are cheering for you and want my demise. Sobering alright. I'm so ready for your thug. I got to be smart, so keep fighting, and send whomever you wish. I remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day. Amazing what this lengthy ordeal has been, I've come a long way achieving a database. It's up to you what to do during this time in between the next one. Repeat, I'm organizing and preparing. Take care.
