Brené Brown on Empathy

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What is the best way to ease someone's pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities.
Voice: Dr Brené Brown
Animation: Katy Davis (AKA Gobblynne) www.gobblynne.com
Production and Editing: Al Francis-Sears and Abi Stephenson
Watch Dr Brené Brown's full talk 'The Power of Vulnerability' here:
• The Power of Vulnerabi...
Dr Brené Brown is a research professor and best-selling author of "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead" (Penguin Portfolio, 2013).
She has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.
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Опубликовано:

9 дек 2013

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Комментарии : 2,2 тыс.

@rsaorg 4 года назад

Exciting news everyone! Our @ series (of which this video is part) has been nominated for a Webby Award! The Annual Webby Awards represent the best of the Internet, and out of nearly 13,000 projects submitted this year, RSA Shorts has made it to the final five in the ‘Animations’ category. The winner is decided by the online public, so we need your vote! Here’s how you can help (voting closes 7th May so be quick!): @t

@lorisetley2188 3 года назад

how do we vote?

@swayz87 3 года назад

Well deserved!! 👌

@cosmoblivion 3 года назад

Besides the verbal teachings, I have so appreciated the animated visuals that illustrate the concepts. Very useful to share in many settings/purposes.

@robmillist 3 года назад

@RichardGriffiths1 3 года назад

Did you win?

@xPimpinJx 4 года назад

"I don't even know what to say right now , I'm just glad you told me." Wish more of my friends knew that phrase instead of dumping advice on me.

@petergraywolf5765 4 года назад

I came to the conclusion (based on my own experiences with depression, deep and repetetivve one) that trying to help thru advice often does more harm than good Actually the person that truly helped me, realized that maybe there isnt anything she can do. So she simply was there for me. Even if i wrote one message in half hour (depressed people can be so slow, having problem with single sentence that takes few minutes to form) she simply was there for me, for to talk or not talk and just share her presence with me. I wish people would realize that dumping advice can do more harm than good. And sharing your presence with the other person (without necesity to talk, just being close) is the best help that they can offer.

@marshwetland3808 4 года назад

@@petergraywolf5765 Presence is something that most people wouldn't even know what it means. Awareness and connection are not really valued in our culture, generally.

@petergraywolf5765 4 года назад

@@marshwetland3808 i understand that it is big issue in our modern culture(s) , thats why i speak about it. To maybe open eyes of few people, about how ot help someone in depression (not to mention that it applies to other situations too, not just to depression) my philosophy kinda is ,,if i suffered, i can teach others how to avoid this suffering" for example tips about how to get out of depression (since i went thru it myself) , or how ot help someone in depression (since i was both in the position of depressed one, and also in the position of trying to help people with depression) spreading knowledge, wisdom (that comes from truthful experiences, not from theories) sharing knowledge, is in my opinion very important. And compassionate.

@npc6817 4 года назад

I've made this mistake plenty of times, the problem is that when you care about someone and they let you in on their problems it's hard not to feel a call to action, to slay the metaphorical dragon and save your friend from the beast. It takes many lessons in humility to understand that most of the times nothing you could ever say would makes things better and that more often than not even if it could that wouldn't help anyway. Even right now I'm having a hard time not to slip back in my old ways and just straight up tell you what to think about your pushy friends. The only thing I would suggest to you is to just make clear from the beginning that you're not looking for that sort of help or any help at all, most of us advice dumpers are not doing this because we think only we can solve the problem or to feel better about ourselves, we just tend to jump to the conclusion that this is what is expected of us and that coming back to you empty-handed after what you shared with us would just let you down. sorry in advance if I ended up overstepping my boundaries, believe me when I say it was not my intention.

@lalasmitty4twenty538 4 года назад

You have the type of friends that want to help you...my grandmother is like that she's always telling us what to do lol.

@becomingfr33 10 лет назад

Empathy doesn't start with 'at least', or 'chin up', or 'get it together' or 'get over it'... it starts with the silence of listening

@charlesmichaelschmitt6412 5 лет назад

Yes but my wife hates it when I say nothing, I said “I listening to what you said“ and she would say “and“? I would say “yes that is so terrable, you must feel so bad“. This could go on I could give her a hug and come the next day it would start over. She would say “it's your fault!“ I would say “ am so sorry“. She responds with “it's too late!“ I would be like “Oh, I can write you an apoligy“. She responds “ that is so anti social! Don't waist my time!“

@annekathbarba7696 5 лет назад

@@charlesmichaelschmitt6412 sometimes it depends on what kind of person whom you will give that empathic gesture, give her what she want. But if u really dont know what to say to your wife just hug or hold her hand

@mewilly11111 5 лет назад

@@annekathbarba7696 A hug or hand hold in the moment of upset is a micro aggression and will only deepen the divide. It's dismissive and empty. You don't know Charles Michael Schmitt so please don't offer advice that can only harm.

@mewilly11111 5 лет назад

@@charlesmichaelschmitt6412 I would suggest a marriage counselor.

@bencreatetv 4 года назад

And making them feel that you understand them

@SanFranXclips 4 года назад

"Empathy is not connecting to an experience, its connecting to the emotions that underpin an experience" -Brené Brown

@gilliganob1442 2 года назад

Empathy is owning the emotional experience as if it was your own. It's being present to what's going on. Marvin

@RachelRHCP Год назад

@@gilliganob1442 whole heartedly agree when you write being present. Such good insight. You’ve inspired me think, if it’s okay, adding on that it doesn’t have to be owning it as if it’s your own, because someone’s pain may be outside of our experience and we can still connect with our own deep compassion for the range of human conditions and emotions…empathy can also include space we hold to listen to the music behind the words, the emotions of the person who feels them and show up for them in ways they find comforting and supportive. Yknow?

@garage13 6 лет назад

4 qualities - perspective taking - staying out of judgment - recognising emotion in other people - communicating that recognition of emotion

@duzza3610 3 года назад

A man of culture.

@weareallinthis3668 2 года назад

AWESOME

@emeliasalad Год назад

Thank you.😀

@JacobSoboroff 10 лет назад

"Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection." True dat.

@scscyou 4 года назад

"Rarely can a response make something better." But that doesn't mean it never can. There are a lot of people who actively refuse any help even when it's quite possible. I believe we should strongly distinguish between responses that annoyingly attempt to reduce the severity of a problem, and those with a cold, rational, but potentially helpful advice, even if it's judgemental in the form of a future prevention of the same issue. I believe that people who never take any preventative steps have no hope in reducing the frequency of their troubles. Imagine someone who causes 80% of their own issues by their own wrong behavior. Why does our consensus imply that it's correct to create your own problems and unnecessary drama? A healthy judgement is a required part of the feedback loop of our psyche. And I believe that those who complain also have the same responsibility over explicitly stating whether they want help or not. Sure, sometimes you don't want to hear that it's "your own fault", or that it will "get better", etc., but that doesn't mean you should never get that feedback. There should be a place and a time for that, at least after you get better (because that's when people typically get lazy, which basically makes them deserve at least some of the reprocussions - because people aren't always correct by default!).

@sb7271 4 года назад

Oof. Too real.

@TheSyntheticPop 10 лет назад

"Empathy is a choice, and it's a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling." So great and true.

@fry5544 5 лет назад

💛 Yes. 💛

@erikamackley 4 года назад

This

@hellsgate700 5 лет назад

Fox: "I'm feeling very suicidal." Deer: "At least you haven't done it yet :)"

@amynguyen8086 4 года назад

hellsgate700 i shouldn’t laugh at this

@GeorgeCagle 4 года назад

Bro, it's a moose.

@Churlz 4 года назад

As a suicidal person, I laughed at this xD

@zacedx 4 года назад

Churlz same.

@taylorg6632 4 года назад

@@Churlz Heheheheheh... Same. :) A famous greek playwright said something to the effect of 'if you know how to write tragedy perfectly, you know also how to write comedy'.

@laurenyoung466 2 года назад

The last few words, "rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection." Brilliant.

@Pandokie3 8 лет назад

I've watched this video 3 times already. I keep coming back to see it cause it just connects with me so much. After my dad unexpectedly passed away, I've learned that there are 4 types of people who try to comfort you. 1) The moose who tries to say "At least.." in everything, hoping to cheer you up. They're the ones that keep saying, "Look towards the future!" and "Move on!" 2) Those that don't know what to say, so they just ignore you and hope that by the time they connect back with you after several months and years, you'll be perfectly fine again. They're the ones that don't know how to do the healing, so they simply ask "How are you?" every time they see you, hoping that they will finally hear "good" from you. 3) Those that don't know what to say, so they start talking about how good their life is and obviously try too hard to make the mood light and happy, which ends up doing the opposite effect. 4) The bear. The ones that simply listen and say, "That is traumatic." and "It's okay to cry."

@NabhaCosley 5 лет назад

This was really helpful to read. Thanks for sharing.

@grittykitty1915 5 лет назад

Was that a moose?

@hiteshbellani9547 4 года назад

My papa passed away on 31th July,, just two weeks back,,, we share the same pain,,, we all need the bear ,,,hugs

@juliemanning 4 года назад

@Aimee Levens I'm so sorry. The journey to motherhood is portrayed as something that falls into womens laps. Its almost as though, as soon as we intend on becoming mothers, it becomes a challenge. Its a dark and lonely place and one I hope more women decide to talk about. I am in the middle of trying and I feel like I'm racing some clock.

@kathysliceidaho 4 года назад

I want to be the bear. I strive to be the bear. I don't always succeed at being the bear.

@LadyGameLyric 10 лет назад

Never has a 3 minute animation short explained things so perfectly.

@autumnreneamckeivier4901 8 месяцев назад

I was assigned to watch this video for a discussion board assignment in my social work course. I cannot get over how calming Dr. Browns voice is.

@MooreCashFlow 2 года назад

Bravo! Responses don't make people feel better, connections make people feel better.

@AnthonyQueen 10 лет назад

Sympathy = "I see your pain". Empathy = "I feel your pain"

@alietealmeida3206 5 лет назад

fantastic answers so simple put on!

@malaikawebb5675 5 лет назад

apathy = "I could care less about your pain"

@user-hf3hy4jy5h 5 лет назад

What if l don't?

@conradwarne2756 5 лет назад

@Marmite You dont, it happens automatically. Not eveyone is wired up that way.

@conradwarne2756 5 лет назад

@Marmite Most proberly. Not sure if its just the brain though. I had a friend from school about 30yrs ago. He had a heart transplant and after the operation he was such a different person. He had all these memories that where not his memories but as we later found out where that of the person who the heart belonged too. My friend use to be quite a thug and always get into trouble for commiting crimes mostly robberies. After his heart transplant he was totally the opposite person he use to be. He became such a gental caring and compassion deep person and gifted in music art & poetry. The person who the heart originaly belonged to was a music writer, Landcape painter, and use to write poetry. My conclusion is that the whole body is wired up to be a certain way. How it responds to life is based on two factors (1 our Genes) (2 our conditioning) Two factors that nobody chooses or is in control of. So im not sure if its just the brain I

@rsaorg 10 лет назад

We are thrilled that 'The Power of Empathy' RSA short has reached over 2 million views! Watch it here ow.ly/ugQ1j

@BrockGunterSmith 10 лет назад

Awesome. What a great short to get that many views. Just the very end alone really hits it home. You don't have to solve other people's problems, or sugar coat them, just truly be there WITH them and make a meaningful connection.

@ShashankSahu 10 лет назад

great

@JoshuaJadeMcCoskrie 10 лет назад

I'm thrilled that this exists. As someone dealing with depression daily this is a clip that I can understand quite easily.

@kinymani1255 9 лет назад

Can you please add subtitles in spanish. And thanks for a simple and profound message

@sisbrawny 8 лет назад

The RSA I always thought the key difference was the "I've been there". To empathize, we need to have experienced what they've experienced. Sympathy is a feeling of compassion when we haven't experienced it.

@orianaforsythe9159 4 года назад

My communications teacher showed this to me a year ago and it seriously changed my relationship with a lot of people. I freaking love it. I share it with everyone who brings up empathy around me, and I try to watch it every few months just to remind myself not to fall back in the, “at least” way of thinking ❤️

@davidi.ezekiel9345 2 года назад

- Take the perspective of the other person. - Staying out of judgement - Recognize emotion in others and communicate it with them. - Feeling with people So many lessons in this video. How quickly we judge others. We all need to relearn how we connect.

@Revsusu1 8 лет назад

So true! I remember in the hospital many years ago with a badly crushed and mangled leg, doctors saying they may have to amputate....ugh, I was in shock and a lot of pain. Many friends and family came to visit. To me, in the state of shock and horror at the thought, their words, meant well, but felt empty.The only person whose words felt real and empathetic was my youngest son (at the time, in his early twenties), who held my hand and simply said, "I know how you feel." And I instinctively knew he knew. Not at the time, but some time later, I realized why his words were empathetic. He, too, had had the experience of shattered bones earlier in his life through an accident. He had 'felt' the feelings and the pain. He knew! I was and am so grateful for his words. They truly gave me hope. I healed (as did he) and we both are just fine. The experience, for me, drew me closer to him. It was inclusion, rather than exclusion. During the experience, the space between us lessened, we drew closer together. I have always remembered that moment and been very grateful for him being there with me at that time.

@ChrisLamberts 10 лет назад

This should be a children's novel!

@karenjohannessen8987 4 года назад

@@IngasVideos How would it need to be "more kid friendly"?

@priyankasalelkar3564 4 года назад

"One of the things we do sometimes, in the face of very difficult conversations, is we try to make things better."

@griefshare2907 2 года назад

We should be "care takers"; not "cure givers".

@cherokeewarcry 4 года назад

I almost cried while watching this as it reminded me of my own fight with depression. It was delivered in a very empathetic way. It built connection.

@UniversalPotentate 10 лет назад

So asking "What do I say at a funeral?" is the WRONG question to ask. The correct question is "How do I connect with the grieving?" Well, that's solved one of the biggest conundrums I've had for a while. Thanks!

@briellehunter7233 5 лет назад

Not that you asked but if you want here is some things that may work if you are in that situation although it has to come from your heart. You could say I pray you find some comfort during this time of hurt. Or I know you probably do not want to eat but when you find the strength I brought you these so you don’t have to cook. Or I am here for you when or if you want someone to just listen or hold your hand Or I brought you a bottle of wine because I know how hard it is going to be to sleep and some fruit because I know you don’t want food when everything hurts this bad and a sleeping bag in case you do not want to be alone. I am only one call away, you don’t have to say anything. I will see your number and be on my way.

@josephricciardi601 5 лет назад

My Dad was a funeral home director and then left for another profession. But even though he was no longer in the profession, I watched him as one of the most amazing "connectors" during funerals I had ever seen. When I was 14 we went to a funeral together and I told him, "I feel awkward. I don't know what to say." He told me to watch him. Although he said the words "I'm sorry about your loss" it wasn't the words. it was him giving his "presence", staying in the other's space, listening carefully, and sharing in their grief. He was like that big bear in the video. His words could have been misused by me, "I'm sorry for your loss..." move on... But I did in fact see him making connection. This video nicely crystalized this for me, though I did get the lesson years ago. Now I have the words to share with others.

@natclo9229 5 лет назад

At a funeral some will feel empty looking at their experiences with love ones and some will truly remember what it was like to be experiencing the best times they had with loved ones, and can focus on taking what was positive that they loved about the person and applying energy into something worth while Connecting with others can allow them to naturally connect to them self in memories As we are more likely to say what was it like from your point of view, or tell me about what being there was like when someone says im looking at/disconnected or following these thoughts What makes connection effective is more than caring or understanding, feed back, language and tone changes and well as other things we might need to understand quantum physics to even begin to understand people respond to changes you make in yourself as you change your words, energy, intention and intended outcome. Getting someone to view internal images from their own (1st) perspective is just the being

@belatedmedia 10 лет назад

If you translate the Greek for "sympathy" you get "fellow-feeling," or even more literally "together suffering" but there is definitely more distance in how the interaction plays. Empathy is more close, personal and passionate, while sympathy is understanding but from a distance.

@nicholasbogosian5420 6 лет назад

Belated Media thank you. I've often received sympathy, self described as empathy. It has a subtle distance, a micro-feeling of superiority.

@Lucas_Jeffrey 6 лет назад

I think she is trying to anchor a difficult-to-describe concept to the word sympathy, primarily as a means of better defining empathy in its modern context (another word she anchors new concepts to). Language is a strange thing. I think when she says 'Sympathy', she means all at once, "Encouragement", "Advice giving", "Helpfulness", "Consolation", et al. These are all more likely to be behaviors driven by judgment and problem-solving rather than by unfiltered perception, compassion, connection and truly sharing in the other persons' feeling.

@EklectiKOfficialEDM 6 лет назад

That's actually not accurate, it's the other way around. www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference

@blackbird365 4 года назад

@Marten Dekker Sym-pathy DOES LITERALLY mean 'with-feeling' (from the Greek) as does com-passion (from the Latin). The much-overused & much-misused term 'empathy' has become popular in recent years to mean precisely that. 'Pity' used to be seen as a good thing in Victorian times, but has come to seem condescending or patronising, which now seem supercilious & unpleasant. 'Sympathy' does NOT mean 'looking down on', as you rightly say is minimising etc - it means sharing the feeling.

@cosmoblivion 3 года назад

Sympathy is separate from the other and, generally from one unable to understand what the other is going through but desiring to say something they perceive as kind.

@worldwidehandsomekimseokji4064 5 лет назад

Empathy is really a choice indeed. Some people simply couldn’t hold back and keep talking, but I do think that listening to what others said is truly important. It is tiring to connect to my bad and heavy memories in order to feel what others feel. That’s why I treasure those who are willing to listen and put themselves in the others shoes. There are less and less people who choose empathy in the society nowadays, which is quite pathetic.

@lindacabage6547 Год назад

Eight years later, I still love these videos and wish more would be made. They're perfect and easy for people to relate to. Thank you for them. Don't ever remove them.

@pantsuck11 10 лет назад

"I have an alcohol addiction" "at least it's not a meth addiction"

@daikyosenshi 5 лет назад

At least you have the resources to fuel your alcohol addiction

@jjjos 4 года назад

Daikyosenshi at least you have the mental and physical abilities to use those resources

@hiteshbellani9547 4 года назад

Lol

@simeonismyname2982 4 года назад

both can put you in the grave easily, so there is no ranking for sure

@enduring22 4 года назад

@@simeonismyname2982 agree

@susiehughes1788 10 лет назад

"Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection." Wow. This is fantastic.

@tarynmavrodaris9791 4 года назад

That is so lovely, "Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.". Powerful stuff. Thank you Brené.

@happygamingtime5200 7 лет назад

We watched this in class... I cracked up laughing at the moose part. I got some stares, and some smiles.... I love this video.😂😂😂

@SissyFlower5 8 лет назад

This is interesting. I'm not sure if I agree wholeheartedly, but it's interesting. I'm autistic, so according to stereotypes, I am incapable of empathy (Ugh, stereotypes...) I'm not sympathetic at all. I never tell people , "I'm so sorry for your loss," or make those facial expressions people have tried to train me to do. What I do instead is help them. I work at a summer camp, and my ability to work with upset/crying kids is stuff of legend. Because I'm the only counselor who doesn't say "Just relax and join the group" or "No one else is upset over this. Look, they're all calm!" or "We're doing this right now. You have to do this. Calm down and do this with the group." I actually help them calm down, by sitting with them and talking, or letting them be away from the group for awhile. You know why? Because I get it! I don't just say, "Aw, I'm so sorry about that." Actually, I never say that. Is that why the world thinks I'm un-empathetic?

@yukin2694 8 лет назад

+SissyFlower5 sISSY, THIS IS A GREAT POINT

@SissyFlower5 8 лет назад

+B Nettles This is what I've been trying to tell people for years! I may be completely deadpan but I AM STILL FEELING YOUR PAIN. Not everyone reacts to emotions in the same way. But it doesn't mean we don't have them!

@MegaBanne 8 лет назад

+SissyFlower5 You sound like a wonderfull person. To have empathy is all about understanding. To help a nother person for the sake of that person is to be a friend. Some people are very good friends, but might not have the same ability to understand a nother persons problem. You are obviously a very wise and understanding person.

@EternallApprentace 8 лет назад

+SissyFlower5 I personally hate this video. I fell it shits on sympathy, and raises empathy to be a golden blindfolded wound-licking-loves-company standard, with their in actuality being so much more depth between empathy and sympathy even with simple definitions of (though there's multiple) of "sharing feelings with another person" and "Feeling, often bad or sadly, for another person." That all said, your comment, saying "This is what I've been trying to tell people for years!" is so great, *I find it actually outshines the whole video without even picking apart all the flaws I could find in it*. Thanks :)

@vixxcelacea2778 8 лет назад

+SissyFlower5 This is what pisses me off so much about just calling it empathy. There are to my knowledge two types. What they "say" you lack or have trouble with is cognitive empathy. This could mean you have trouble reading or understanding peoples emotional states or "reading a " as it were. This means subtitles and certain ways of thinking are often lost to those under the autism spectrum. However, from what I understand, those under this spectrum usually have emotional empathy in spades. Often higher than "neurotypicals" as it were. Emotional empathy is the ability to understand someones pain. This reflects a lot of autistic encounters. Once someone under the spectrum realizes and understands that someone is hurt or that they may of been the cause, even if they may not get why, they instantly feel pretty terrible. A lot of people compare autism to psychopathy. This is false. They're basically opposites. Psychopaths have low or missing emotional empathy and incredibly high cognitive. They read people like a book, but have no physical capacity to care or find worth in them and their experiences. Everyone is a stepping stone or a toy. No one else exists except them. Any expert can correct me if I'm wrong. I'm relaying what I've learned and what I've personally experienced with those under the spectrum of autism.

@eldonscott9 8 лет назад

So simple, so insightful and so powerful. Remember to be this way towards our own selves as well! Relate with ourselves and be kind with ourselves, THAT is intimacy and power. Then you can share what you have developed with others that are in your life and be a healing force in this world.

@jtamaresis 8 лет назад

Eldon Moore - Exactly.

@TheMusicFlowChannel 8 лет назад

+Eldon Moore Self-reflection :')

@GrandpaandGrandmaOwen 3 года назад

All people want is to be validated in what is going on in their life and to be loved. So, this video is perfect to teach the connection part of a relationship. Don't try to fix it, just find it in your heart to love them.

@theonlinevirtualoffice9836 3 года назад

Absolutely!

@fredblogs3114 3 года назад

This is so so true and really hits home. When my little dog was really ill before she passed away in April, I got so sick of "well at least she had a good life", ''well at least you did everything you could" etc etc or "my dog died last year/month/week " etc There was only two people who showed absolute empathy, when I told one friend she was ill, she said '' go home and give her lots of kisses from me ", exactly what needed to hear, not someone trying to fix the situation. On the day she died another friend came round with flowers and ice cream, just what was needed. She was the one that didn't try to make me feel "better" , she was the one who drove me wherever I needed to go, cemetery etc and would drive an hour a day so we could walk somewhere nice. She suggested taking our drawing pads to a local park in Beverly Hills. Their empathy was so natural and effortless,

@fry5544 5 лет назад

💛 Yes, this video - 10000000%. 💛 Just stop, shut up, stop judging/being judgemental and listen. Be there for someone else, put yourself in their shoes, & feel what they feel without harming yourself or loosing yourself in it in the process. What helps people who are suffering is not glib advice, but knowing that someone is there with them. They can work it out when they feel better, when they feel less alone now that you’ve been kind to them - that’s part of their agency & auntonomy & right to do whatever they want with their own dang lives. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Brené Brown. From a life-long bear. May we all understand & practice the bear’s wisdom & compassion one day. 💛

@eye-leenlove 8 лет назад

Even my Social Work professor blessed us with this woman. Dr. Brown, your sweetness is received by my spirit. Empathy has bitten me very hard in the past. It's the most vulnerable of virtues to take up. You're the sweet drops of rain that fall upon bitter people. Sometimes it makes its way into our lips...thank Mrs. Brown!!!!!!

@joecflee 6 лет назад

So many great comments here. I'm reminded of a scene in the movie Inside Out where Joy is constantly trying to make people joyful by telling them to ignore the bad while Sadness just sits, listens, and seemingly commiserates with others. I tend to interpret sympathy as trying to tell people to get out of their dark world and come join me in my beautiful world while empathy is withholding judgment and simply be there for them, for better or for worse. The final words in the video were the most powerful--rarely does a response make something better; what makes something better is connection.

@cowboylizzy1 7 лет назад

I love this comparison. Sharing it with everyone. Thank you!

@ShelleBelleDesigns 8 лет назад

Empathy is walking a mile in someone's shoes. sympathy is being sorry their feet hurt. Why would we want to crawl into the dark hole that someone has climbed into? Isn't it better to reach in - from up top - and help them out? The problem we encounter is getting sucked into their darkness - especially if we've been there before. It could trigger wherever put us there in the first place. Now there are some things I can be empathic about and can (and do) help others out all the time. I'm there for them whenever they need me, But I do it with some detachment. I trained as a counselor and you cannot help others if you are in the same place they are in. You've got to be in a better place. (Up the ladder). [The 'sandwich' reference was somewhat flippant.] I am commenting here because I'm always hearing people say "I'm an empath" - like its a quality to be revered. These people are unhappy! They say they feel everyone's pain! They're suffering with others. Again I ask, how can you help them when you've taken on their pain/depression, etc?

@kyracoach 5 лет назад

Yes you are describing connecting them to hope. It is not having to crawl down in the dark hole, but just be present with them. Agreed.

@conradwarne2756 5 лет назад

Everyone is different and not all situations are the same. For me Empathy is not a choice, it just happens spontaniously. What Ive learned since childhood is to switch Empathy off because it can become overbearing and draining at times. Whats important is connection, thats where the love is. ❤

@nasong3311 3 года назад

Personally, I agree with the comment about connectting with others, always be there for them if they need but try not to trigger wherever put us into their darkness. Because it is easy for people who tried to be empathy to be suffered with others' pain, get overwhelmed and finally even need to see a therapist themselves because of too much empathy to others. I would suggest people to choose to be empathy or not first as long as themselves in a good condition at first.

@heidia2199 3 года назад

Interesting point. Perhaps the video would be better showing a peaceful and safe place instead of a dark hole. The value I see in this talk is simply listening without judgement or trying to intervene. Most of us feel compelled to "help" and inadvertently invalidate or shut someone down during a vulnerable disclosure.

@angelw8450 2 года назад

To me, people talking down to me from a better place means they do or understand. & I feel like, even when I wish I were dead, that I have to pretend to be better too. I fake smile & get away. More exhausted for the effort of being where someone else needs me to be. My grandmother lost her husband, whom she dearly loved. She was hurt by people’s well meaning sympathy for years after the fact. But one Freud sat with her. Never said a word sat next to her & cried. That was more comforting & precious to her than that friend will ever know. I was deeply hurt. & scared many years ago. I ran away. I saw a friend, as I was fleeing, & stopped & told him what had had happened. He cried. No one has ever cared about me enough to invest emotion in me before. Always detached. Superior. Maybe condescending & sympathetic. But those tears saved my life. It made that much of a difference. We cannot do it that all the time for everyone. But it matters on ways we may never know when we do. It showed me that someone saw me, saw my pain. & understood. I have been used to people trying to justify their coldness by saying I can’t be there with you, it’s too dark. Fine. Walk away then. But not being able to connect means you do not understand. & nothing from on high & better places will ever convince me that you do. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@audreyh6628 6 лет назад

I have watched this so many times and have shown it to so many people. I wish everyone in the world would watch it.

@julianbrentley7447 2 года назад

Absolutely loved this explanation! I'm so glad she highlighted the difference between merely being sympathetic, and truly connecting in vulnerability with someone/thing.

@anoushadewan 7 месяцев назад

It’s 2023 and I’m having a hard day. And then i remembered this video from way back, and it put a smile on my face. The moose always cracks me up 😆 But also, such a beautiful video. Thankyou.

@DolceVents 3 года назад

I’ve seen this a million times and I love it like it’s the first time!

@sharoncarter6994 9 лет назад

THANK YOU FOR THIS! I needed this especially in my life right now... and how you put it to where even a child could understand.

@7cupsharrytheunicorn425 7 лет назад

This is such a good video. Just yesterday I had a group discussion about the power of empathy and why it's important to show empathy when you are talking to people who are opening up to you. Showing a little but of sympathy is good also, so saying things such as, "I'm sorry you're are going through this" or "I'm sorry for you're loss" it tells the person that you understand what they have just said to you, but may not always care. Showing empathy is the key to getting someone to opening up to you, it shows the person that you know what their saying, you understand what they are going through and their not alone in this. Just knowing that you are not alone, can be a big weight lifted off your shoulders and can make things feel less isolating.

@briannehopkins5958 7 лет назад

I went to a mental health facility for kids and DBT group. They played this to help teach us about empathy and validation, and its one of my favourite things to help with this kind of thing. it really teaches and shows how to feel for one another instead of putting others down when not meaning to. i love this.

@lolisierra8754 6 лет назад

Loved the drawings, and when the 2 raining clouds got together and turned into a heart, it is awesome!

@AlessandroBattiston1 10 лет назад

"What makes something better is connection" Such a simple and perfect explanation of #empathy

@victoriahaley5110 7 месяцев назад

I was listening to an audiobook while working today and she talks about empathy in the book. Her voice and the way she talked, a light bulb went off and i thought " NO WAY!" Pulled this video up -confirmed. Book I'm listening to : Dare to Lead By Brene Brown.

@christinefrancois6371 Год назад

I LOVE this...holding space, being there for someone without judgement or trying to 'fix' something. A lot to learn here. Thank you so much!

@TylerOakley 7 лет назад

this is great.

@JenIsRaadd 7 лет назад

I saw you link this on Twitter and the link didn't work, so I HAD to search for it on here. I'm so glad to have found this! Thank you!

@marimagique 7 лет назад

thanks for sharing this on twitter

@Dumptheclutchevo 7 лет назад

it is...i wish more people understood this

@diamond-vm5sl 7 лет назад

OMG HI!!!!!! I LOVE U

@lilyannabernier4978 7 лет назад

OMG

@jsponson 4 года назад

The sympathy described in this video is NOT true sympathy, it's more like pity. The prefix sym- means "together", "with", e.g. symphony, symposium, symbiosis. Sympathy literally means I experience your suffering with you, or "I share your pain."

@guinwhite 3 года назад

So simple, so powerful. Beautifully done in every way. Thanks for explaining (succinctly, visually) the difference between empathy and sympathy. Brilliant!

@devashreek8174 4 года назад

This is great. Beautiful. More and more people need to watch this and reflect! Thanks for uploading this!

@volbla 7 лет назад

I don't know if i'm in a really feely mood right now, but this video brought me to tears.

@devilmaycry1337 7 лет назад

Same. No idea why.

@graziellaelschker4514 7 лет назад

same :( and i don't get teary often!

@MountainViewFor2 6 лет назад

She’s wonderful. The words ring true. And the animations bring it to life.

@XiluvmelX 7 лет назад

This is brilliant. Really excellent way of explaining the huge, (and often misunderstood) difference between empathy and sympathy.

@pathagas 4 года назад

my professor showed my class this video one of the first days of the semester. it's so incredibly powerful.

@BreenyLee 8 лет назад

This is absolute GOLD!

@ethancbaker2002 3 года назад

Snap? 😳 lol jk

@brick5710 3 года назад

No one cares bitch

@brendanpaoletti2691 3 года назад

@@brick5710 holy relax

@Dearlittlebrother 3 года назад

Agree

@kanwal4740 2 года назад

Self awareness and empathy, a great explanation in below video ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-E7szeLyhjTE.html

@kimbow555 5 лет назад

This is an excellent explanation. Absolutely brilliant! So many people don't know how to show empathy.

@tommoyse4156 4 года назад

Those words plus these illustrations equals art. Thank you.

@montsesalazar6457 5 лет назад

I just showed this video to my high school Psychology students and I could tell it really made an impact, it really got them thinking. What a beautiful video!

@vanessafrost7132 7 лет назад

The best description of the difference between Empathy and Sympathy I've ever come across - it shows me that I'm guilty of often going down the sympathy route as I am more comfortable trying to problem-solve than trying to form an emotional connection with the other person.

@2warship 8 лет назад

I'm so glad that the Holy Spirit can lead us to what that connection is heart to heart, that makes something better.

@davidwhitting8259 6 лет назад

What so non-Christian's are not capable of empathy?

@arielmullins0 Месяц назад

"What makes something better is connection." So true! And so needed in our world today.

@normankerenyi 5 лет назад

One of the most important lessons around. First saw it 4 years ago, I've kept coming back to it whenever I had a Situation. Empathy: "it's a vulnerable choice" - so very true. Thank you so much for this video!

@MikeSullivanBornToShine 2 года назад

Beautiful way to show HOW 'Empathy' connects us...

@ElaineHansenHRD 10 лет назад

loved this simple explanation of empathy vs. sympathy. For me, empathy communicates that you have been seen, heard, and valued. It communicates to the person that they are not alone and normalizes their feelings. Experiencing being understood can be the catalyst for the person to begin the process of healing/recovery.

@oscarwilliamson1264 3 года назад

Elaine Hansen, you must be a kind being 💓☺️🤙

@efrensolanas7826 2 года назад

Concise and - true to form - Dr. Bréne Brown offers yet another tremendously helpful insight. I value this woman and her voice!

@Tee-pf6oj 8 месяцев назад

I had to watch this video for class and I'm glad I did! I have so much on my mind and this brought me happiness. Thank you :)

@Javaslinger7730 Год назад

That's an excellent explanation. Empathy is hard. The key part there is that willingness to feel what the other person is feeling. My defense mechanism is to NOT feel real sadness, or hurt or pain. Empathy kinda goes totally against that. Now I understand why it's so hard for me. Why my reaction is often defensive or fear based. I think I'm going to need therapy to learn to have empathy more naturally.

@zuby985 3 года назад

The reality is…we need both. It’s not a good idea to paint one as bad and the other as good. Sympathy involves compassion and a desire to help and aliviate suffering. (the world needs this) Sympathy and Empathy are not mutually exclusive of each other. with that…great lesson.

@maxpayne892 Год назад

Sadly only a few people understand that. I'd say empathy is worse when you're dealing with someone depressed. Compassion is the best option in most cases. And yeah sympathy isn't evil

@OR1000N Год назад

I think empathy HAS compassion and the desire to help but expresses it in a more effective way. Sympathy might want to alleviate suffering- obviously, because they just want to end your problem without understanding how you feel

@phyxiuss Год назад

I don't want sympathy

@jawmama99 Год назад

@@phyxiuss sympathy is an automatic human reaction, it's not negative. no one is 'giving' sympathy they are responding to difficult stimulus and automatically responding. It's not a bad thing.

@phyxiuss Год назад

@@jawmama99 i don't care how you view it. It's rude for me

@castleofcostamesa8291 2 года назад

What makes something better is connection. ❤️❤️❤️Thank you!

@keenyaBKraftHappy 29 дней назад

I appreciate this as part of my stress reduction training. I've been holding blame, collecting it, and savoring the day my significant other gets home from jail... You just saved him?! Or made it real-er if that's a word- to get more support from professionals. Thank you Bren!!! Thank you my therapist whose name I shall not reveal but she is AWESOME!!!

@seaburyneucollins688 7 лет назад

When someone says to me "at least X", I am grateful that they are trying to make me happy. And to be honest, when I am depressed, it really does help to look at the silver lining, and I am glad that someone is trying to remind me of the good parts of my situation. Maybe this is just my stereotypically masculine perspective, but it means more to me when someone tries to help me rather than just connect with me. For me personally, I'd take more comfort from the moose than the bear.

@gabbie921 Год назад

Thank you for this comment. I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I am currently struggling with my husband because I find him to be lacking in empathy - he is always in "moose" mode. Your comment has helped me to see that perhaps he does not intend to be insensitive but is perhaps trying to support me the way he would like to be supported. The funny thing is that a few years ago I also appreciated mooselike advice, and it was something that I prided myself on - I didn't want to mope, I wanted solutions to my problems. But at the moment, I recognise that there are no solutions to my problems because they are largely things I simply have to accept and heal from.

@songbirdsky 5 месяцев назад

This is the case for me too!

@RentelnMan 8 лет назад

This hit me like a brick wall

@cmo4thepeople 9 месяцев назад

this video ia amazing, you earned my follow, thank you for sharing!

@makiarn777 3 года назад

Saw this in a de-escalation course and fell in love with this! Perfect 👌 explanation!

@TheMrRaoul 7 лет назад

Beautiful video, a strong quality that only is strong when it comes from the heart, from the core within a person - Rather than when it comes from an ego, from an identity. He/she has a certain ego, has a certain identity to be a certain way in order to..... (you fill in the blank). When you truly are empathic, it really connects

@NailPolishGurll 3 года назад

If ONLY people right now in 2020 could see this and take it to heart ❤️

@BubbleDraws211 3 года назад

Awwwwww

@sickoako6463 11 месяцев назад

I am studying Palliative Care and one of our professors shared this video to us. I AM SO GLAD HE DID.

@professorneila2941 5 лет назад

ive tried so hard to explain it but i finally understand watching this video, and found a good easy wayh to explain it. thank u brene

@MaryLouGreen 9 лет назад

Thank you for the statement, "I don't know what to say right now. I'm so glad you told me." that I can use for my response when I hear someone else's pain. Another empathy killer in addition to "at least..." is "it won't last..." I am going to send a link to my friends to help you on your way to 3 million views!

@oscarwilliamson1264 3 года назад

Mary Lou Green,you must be a kind being 💓☺️🙏🤙

@susanmccallum5512 3 года назад

I absolutely love this and feel like we all need to work on putting ourselves in other people's shoes. Most definitely.

@Fullas714 5 лет назад

This just made me cry. Just a hug.

@MsSimpleMovies 6 лет назад

Empathy is very important in marriage and parenting. At least three times a day I'll need to take my ego out of a situation/conflict and listen for what's really going on. Then, to convey that they're not alone, and I get it, and accept them. Then to suggest a next step (which isn't always helpful, actually). It's exhausting, but it makes a more intimate family.

@ETGOTHOME7 Год назад

“In order to connect with you, I need to connect with something within myself” ❤it’s all down to connection and showing we are all human beings who should take the time for each other without judgment.

@fatmakhairy9907 Год назад

I've already seen this video three times. It was really challenging for me to distinguish between sympathy and empathy as a non-native English speaker. It made sense of my perplexity and made me feel happy.

@sydneymerrill5888 9 месяцев назад

Beautiful, effortless, and powerful. Amazing video

@canoeist2008 8 лет назад

When you share some ones pain and suffering they are not on their own you are letting them know you are there with them and they are not alone the power of Empathy does this in a unique way.

@johnnywlittle 10 лет назад

That was awesome, thank you!

@coconutsciencegirl9232 6 лет назад

What makes something better...is connection. Soooo true. This is true for most professions but especially the ones where empathy is the center. Nurses. You know I mean you!

@TheVeroale11 3 года назад

This is perfect! Thank you so much, I really enjoyed it. 💜

@PavelBarber 9 лет назад

A video everyone should watch! Excellent lesson from a lady who took the plunge at made herself vulnerable. There is a lot of power in vulnerability, but it is tough to put ourselves in a spot to be vulnerable. So happy this exists.

@AJ___USA 2 года назад

What !!! Let me do you a favor this video is not based in reality, being vulnerable to anyone or anything or even your own emotions is a bad thing and both i and the rest of the world have absolutely no empathy or pity for the week minded, I’m not even telling you to be physically strong I’m simply telling you to grab life by the fuckn balls and control both your emotions and your life and never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on anyone or be vulnerable, me enlisting in the Marines was the greatest choice I ever made, they taught me the harsh truths of life without even having to say anything all I needed was to suffer and experience fear to understand how to control life and others, Darwin’s theory of evolution only the strong survive this planet and if your not strong then you better adapt to your environment real fuckn quick or you will alway be a victim

@TEAMGETHELP 2 года назад

@@AJ___USA Darwin wasn't top shelf science and women experience life very differently from us, but I do agree that submitting to emotions and feelings we don't like is the key to unhappiness. The philosophy of stoicism is the answer and a little bit of Patrice O'Neal doesn't hurt-.-

@claytonroberts5881 4 года назад

Improved Transcript: So, what is empathy and why is it VERY different than sympathy? Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy... It's very interesting. Theresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied professions - very diverse professions - where empathy is relevant, and came up with four qualities of empathy: [1] Perspective taking - the ability to take the perspective of another person, or recognize their perspective as their truth. [2] Staying out of judgment - not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do. [3] Recognizing emotion in other people, [4] and then communicating that. Empathy is feeling WITH people. And to me… I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space. When someone's kind of in a deep hole, and they shout from the bottom, and they say, "I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed." And then, we look and we say, "Hey!" And climb down..."I know what it's like down here. And you're not alone." Sympathy is, "Ooh!" "It's bad, uh-huh?" "Uh... No. You want a sandwich?" Empathy is a choice and it's a vulnerable choice, because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with, "At least..." ...Yeah. And we do it all the time because - you know what - someone shared something with us that's incredibly painful and we're trying to "silver [line]" it. I don't think that's a verb, but I'm using it as one. We're trying to put a silver lining around it. So, [problem:] "I had a miscarriage." [empathetic response:] "At least you know you can get pregnant." [problem:] "I think my marriage is falling apart." [empathetic response:] "At least you have a marriage." [problem:] "John's getting kicked out of school." [empathetic response:] "At least Sarah is an A-student." But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better. If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say, "I don't even know what to say right now. I'm just so glad you told me." Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.

@jacissapitaart4704 4 года назад

This is the best video that explains what empathy is I have ever come across by far! it's right on point yet adding a bit of humor to it and the animation is nicely done too! Love it! :)