My desire is that you become confident and articulate human beings. In case you're in the mood for this after hearing me say these four words so many times, here you go: • Boston - More Than A F... Photographs by Pixabay
So very true. I would say it's not only the case for the INFJ though. This could be true for many types of people. Many are enslaved to what others think. Once you kick that monster to the curb, the world opens up.
I really do feel completely backwards, I was so busy putting out my thoughts without the ability to defend them, and then getting frustrated for years. It was the thoughtful that came second, I never allowed myself to slow down enough to realize I was going too fast for myself. That is until I crashed and burned and had a nervous breakdown. After years of therapy I have finally allowed myself to slow down and not feel 'lazy'. As much as I love my father if I stopped moving too long he expected me to get up and do something.
Final thoughts: Doing customer service was the best thing for me, started it at 19 and I've been doing it for decades. Helped me to develop my weak Fe usage.
I spent some years in customer service as well, starting around that age, working my way through college as a server at a restaurant. Tough work, for sure. It gave me a strong appreciation though for what people put up with in those kind of jobs.
Your insights and observations amazes me, and ... You are right. I think that changing our internal language is an excellent start. I am 69yrs and only found out that I was an INFJ a few years ago. This discovery opened my eyes to my confusing mental and emotional paradox, experienced throughout my life. My behavior has started making sense to me and has given me valuable information during those times when I am reevaluating myself. I think that we are talking about self-confidence, and as such we need to understand the self better. I understand that we have an inclination to understand other people's feelings better than our own, and also because of our introverted intuition, it puts us at a disadvantage because when these "revelations of self" manifest, we can't explain the process to arrive at those results. So, trying to explain that process would put us at an/the unconfident disadvantage. I think that spending time in thought ought help reveal these deeper hidden truths. One technique that I've started recently is journaling. It helps me to understand my thoughts more clearly. I started journaling because I was going through a particularly rough emotional experience when my best friend and soul-mate died from covid last year. I had never journaled before but had heard from sociologists that it helps. It helped me understand myself better, but also started exposing deeper layers of my psyche. Sounds weird, but if you think and meditate on the "right" questions, your introverted intuition may reveal little "hints'' about your INFJ mental process and direct you towards self awareness and self confidence. On a personal note, I've started teaching Hebrew at my synagogue but was visibly nervous at specific times. My journaling revealed that I was nervous about talking about how my personal goals related to the goals of the class. These are very personal to me and as an INFJ, I was very uncomfortable with exposing that vulnerability. By knowing that, I was able to calm down and express myself with confidence, because I now viewed those personal goals with more objectivity, and knew exactly why I thought these things!
Hello and welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your soul mate. There's something about grief in such intimate loss which brings us more in touch with ourselves. Yes, writing is so very important. Recently, I've started to record my thoughts, for something different. I just start talking into the recording device and see what happens. Usually, at first, it's not very good but I find if I push past the initial uncomfortable stage, I get to the good stuff. Sometimes, I delete the recordings. Other times, they turn into something I can share here. It's been an interesting exercise. You are absolutely correct - the "right" questions are key. I may even say "honest" questions because I think that's what we mean by "right". For instance, you had to be honest with yourself about why you were being nervous in your teaching. By doing so, you were able to discover something real about yourself, which was the fear of sharing too much, which led you to be able to justify doing so, because there was a greater need in it.
. @Your Never Sleeping Beauty Again, you are so right about being honest, particularly when "talking" with yourself. I've found that I need to be very candid and open with my inner questions to hope for any "real" communication. One of the reasons that I started journaling was because my weakness is in speaking. When I am trying to speak with someone, it's like holding a narrow firehose under the pressure of the enormous, chaotic flood of my thoughts and emotions, and also at the same time, panicking over "performance anxiety" when I stumble through pitifully disjointed, disorganized ramblings. I am stronger when I write! I've started studying Dante's Divine Comedy and found that for myself, I can "focus" my thoughts when given a "constraint". For Dante it was the constraint of the rules of poetry, where he was forced to focus the tide of his genius. Using his example I found that I could "funnel" my jumbled thoughts into a cohesive stream with text. I've recommended it to other INFJ's but found that their results were weak. I think it was because, just as you say, they lacked the element of honesty and openness. I guess we can sometimes talk to ourselves too casually and condescendingly in the "second person", so-to-speak! And not like facing the true depth of our complex personality. It requires respect … self-respect and care to be perfectly, truly honest.
"We have no confidence in saying what we want to say" is you zeroing in on one of the main issues that leads to problems in my relationships. I would always tell my wife "I wanted to, but I just didn't know how to say it/couldn't say it". This led to SO many problems in my marriage, and with other loved ones in my life.
It seems like many people calm down when saying, in my opinion, like downstairs, everyone having one, and most if not everyone is wrong about everything...it calms many and gives a gentle energy to express a thought.
Good commentary. I really enjoy your work and circle round to see what’s new every few months. Your distinction between the terms “feel” and “think” is good. It points out how we need to change our use of language to help our listeners evaluate our observations appropriately. A technique I have adopted is to omit the use of _I_ and instead use “it feels like…” or “it seems like…” Making a personal first person statement introduces the perception that what you say is just your opinion, something that culturally carries less and less value especially if one’s view is not commonplace. The other interesting perspective to consider is that most people’s arguments are not their own so with even a little discussion, you discover the flaws and more importantly the shaky, unsubstantiated emotional underpinnings. An INFJ’s _feelings_ are founded on much keen observation that can be backed up with just a little research. Add that the loudest, most aggressive opposition usually has the weakest arguments and with a little experience and the INFJ’s insatiable thirst for knowledge, it becomes very easy to stand your ground. I can _know_ without having to prove it immediately.
Comments like these encourage me greatly. I know you have left other very insightful comments, and I value them - because they are worth so much (words have weight) and also because I know others will read them and find them insightful as well. What I appreciate is the added perspective ... words added to my words which can only bring greater understanding. Thank you very much.
As an INFJ who couldn't not express themselves constantly overwhelmingly never-endingly as a child, I can guarantee balancing chameleon and expression is the best thing. I remember constantly being misunderstood, making false assumptions, and hurting people's feelings with my blunt observations. I would realize that I had hurt people, I would retreat into myself, pity myself, 'how bad and inconsiderate I was but also misunderstood.' I couldn't not express myself, so eventually I'd let my guard down and the cycle would always repeat. My desire to express myself would always burst forth to the discomfort of all involved. I always wonder if I came at it from this direction because my home life was a haven of self-expression and the rest of the world was unaccepting. I think I was trying so hard to be like my ENTP father, that I didn't develope my Fe sensitivity to others until I could slow down to NiTi without guilt. Once I did, my Fe sensitivity was able to function in a more healthy way.
You had an interesting experience ... a home which allowed such creativity and acceptance. This must have been quite a shock to you to take that innocence to the outside world and realize it wasn't as accepting.
Cats are such majestic creatures and perfect for the subject of confidence. You are right in what you say, but did you know that just because something is based on intuition does not mean it can't eventually be shared? Intuitive thoughts are hunches and must be proven and made sense of internally (through thinking) so that it can be outwardly expressed in a way which makes sense to another. I do this all the time. For instance, on this channel. If I just tried to speak off the cuff about all these topics, I would do a botched up job. I have to discipline myself to think them through, write it all out, edit it, think some more, edit some more ... and then present it. This way, I know it's coherent and can be understood. Will it be believed? There's a better chance of that IF what comes out of my mouth has been thoroughly thought out. But I can't control others. I can lead a horse to water, but I can't make it drink.
Pick your fights wisely. That is what i believe in, and your audience matters too.what is the point of continuing to talk if a person is unwilling to listen to the points you are making? That is precious time wasted.
Thank you for another amazing video, your words of encouragement and advice always seem tailor made for me somehow 😊 I've been working on my personal growth for a few years and my confidence is growing. I used to dread people who liked debating or discussing intense things with strangers but now I enjoy it a little depending on the topic because I know what I think and I know why I think it. And I'm not shy about saying "I don't know" if someone asks me why I think something anymore, I admit I'm still figuring that out and I'm open to all the perspectives. It's opened up some very interesting conversations I might not have had before. But it was all done with baby steps and lots of time spent reflecting and asking myself questions to figure out what I thought. I have so far to go still, conflict makes me nauseous and I'm easily caught off guard by small things but I'm headed in the right direction.
I always enjoy your comments because you add more color to what I've said. Saying "I don't know" is bold. Because even this shows confidence! It shows you aren't measured by what someone else thinks about you based on your knowledge of all things in life. It shows you are confident in what you know and just as equally, what you don't know.
Thank you, this video helped me understand and face those situations you mentioned similar to the INFJ man you talked about. I've often have those kinds of interactions with my family and now I know because of your video why i end up feeling that way about my efforts in talking about my thoughts and you nailed it! Because we can't defend it or we word it in generalizing ways that Ni comes up with that it would need to be further unpacked in order for people to understand why you said that. I can't thank you enough how much this video illuminated me in facing that part of my social interactions and self-confidence. Take care and have a great day!
It all makes so much sense in our heads, doesn't it? And when it tries to come out, it can be a mess. But not if we've worked it all out before speaking about it. We have to work to think, and hard work brings success, which begets confidence, because it's something *you* did. No one else did it for you. You did it. So, I hope you go out and do it! I bet you have much to share from your mind with others. We can quietly inspire and birth ideas in others with our thoughts. You will see exactly what I mean if you put the work in to become a confident person. I wish you all my best.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty Thank you. It seems intimidating because it's also a matter of patience, critique, and learning, but i will try. My journey to becoming a professor and researcher will help me practice this. Thanks again!
Yep, been accused of over thinking all my life. Some life decisions call for over thinking, like buying a house or marrying somebody. But, yeah, I think we like to ponder things that impact people but are over looked by other types but are not on their radar.
I tend to overthink the seemingly insignificant stuff. The big things, like buying a house, deciding to take a big trip, what have you, are usually decided quickly. Kind of like I already know what I want in some way, and then when I see it or the thought gets pushed forward, I know to do it. It's probably just because I don't think much about the "small" stuff, whereas I think a lot (in the background somewhere) about the big things.
That makes sense, when we are young we look for approval. Why? Because when young and speaking about an important topic, people disrespect your way of thinking stating you are too young to know these things. That creates insecurity, fear to express yourself. Then you doubt it as well. So you end up closing off your thoughts and feelings until adult age when you can actually say I have experienced, I know, I understand!! The thing is, you always knew. Thanks. Your videos are helpful!!
"The thing is, you always knew." Absolutely and I agree wholeheartedly. I've been reading through some of my writings from when I was a child (around 11) and it's amazing how much I understood, but how much I was disregarded in what I knew. It made me feel crazy, and unfortunately, over time, I started wondering if they were right. I believed them for a time, but you can only deny yourself for so long. Thank you for your comment, and I am more than happy to be of help!
It's funny how that happens ... I used to think things just appeared when I needed them. But upon reflection, it's more that I think I'm searching for what I need, and then find it.
Hoping to find a video from you on Learning how to build our facts around a feeling, how to ‘built the system in our head’ so to speak. I relate so much to this and using your language have built so many layers by being challenged on my words. As I work through my own self discovery and self healing journey this specific problem has created so many blocks in therapy. It also resulted in me endlessly searching for information, and not really being able to solidify it and have it all make sense. Maybe I just need more time but this video has been just wonderful and eye-opening.
So much for us starts with a hunch, but we can't truly be satisfied until it's proven with facts. I guess we are detectives, in a way. Happy that these words of mine were helpful to you.
I feel like... lol, are you watching me? I start almost every sentence this way. This video was very helpful to me!! Thank you!!! And I see that there are quite a few of your videos I haven't yet watched, so excited I stumbled back on this channel!
I like it when, at times, your voice gets even more enthused and animated. It's contagious. Your message becomes vibrant and feels personal. It's a little peek at a spirit in you that pops out every once in a while. I think you're right. I remember being young and not being able to articulate what was actually a correct feeling regarding different situations. That being said, some people think that a public exchange of ideas is a challenge in "the octagon." Winning is everything, dirty or not. I had a coworker tell me once that I spoke passively and indirectly like the Japanese. Apparently it's a cultural thing, for the Japanese. I once listened to a radio program explaining this. For example, if a Japanese neighbor was being annoyed by another neighbor's loud music' he would address the problem by saying, " I hear you have a new sound system." That is enough message for the offending neighbor to understand the real meaning. None of my statements come out strong and firm. I start out so much of what I had to say with: Perhaps, maybe, sort of, a little bit, kind of, etc. I guess it's part of my insecurity but I also don't like and distrust when people come on overly strong and certain. I think it's a con that some use to try to dominate or sell something to others. I am often waiting and observing other people to see how crazy they are or how committed they are to a position that is being used to cover up something bigger going on, and then I just don't say anything or I end up darting around the issue with generalities and vagaries. I often question that if I say something, it may not be accepted or of any value. I oftentimes listen to people and I wonder if all they are doing is venting and don't want feedback. If I sense the person is really trapped in some evil spirit thing, I get alarmed and just get quiet and question more because it seems wrapped up in so much history, hurt, ego, pain, etc. I hate that I have to go away and sort all of this out and often not speak up. I wish I could be the kind of person that could find the spot immediately and use the few words like a surgeon's knife gently to heal the situation.
To start, I hope you keep commenting here because what you say always has so much value to me. I have been spotted 😄 Yes, I do hold back when sharing my thoughts. I can tell when I'm getting animated and I actually calm myself down. It's a habit I have, formed from long ago in my earlier life. A protective mechanism, for sure. But also what you said. Before I record my thoughts to share here, sometimes I talk out loud to myself when formulating my thoughts. You should hear me then. I am much more animated and most definitely more direct and firm. I tone it down a great deal when I record. It's like the middle road approach. I don't know who is listening. I don't know where the individuals who listen are in life, maturity levels and such. So I take the calm approach, not too inflammatory, as to reach more people. I know in real life, one-on-one, I use different approaches, not always the same as is used here. If you study my language, it's much as you say: "on one hand ... but on the other hand", "kind of", and all the other words you mentioned. I laughed about the new sound system example. Years ago, I was living in an apartment and the neighbor down below was blaring loud obnoxious music. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. The thought of knocking on his door and confronting him was a bit scary to me, given my young age and inexperience. But the way I handled it was almost obnoxious in a way, now that I look back at it. I had a very good sound system at the time. So I turned on my music and turned it up and up until that apartment was roaring with sound. I outplayed his music. After that, he never played his music loud again. Maybe it wasn't the best way to handle the situation but it worked.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I wrote on your last video and then erased it. I have to go back and listen again to refresh my mind as to what I wrote. It wasn't anything different than what I usually write. I think it's because I often will go off down a path writing only to think about the topic over time and wish I had taken another path. When you present yourself in a moderated fashion, I think of you as teacher. When you get animated, I think of you as you. Now that's where it gets interesting. As I write this I get a surge of fear through me because I think how scary it would be for me to expose my self publicly like that. I can't often handle my self, how can they? My real self needs to apologize a dozen times per day!
You're funny. Everything you write is always different from what you've written before. That's why I look forward to reading your comments. And you can always just add another comment and go down another path! I would welcome it. You understand so well. Yes, I am more "me" in the animated state. I know it when I release such videos and yes, it is an exposure. I push myself to do it because of my intense desire to help others. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.
I think knowing vs feeling would be next step in building confidence as an infj. If you know who you are like you know the sun is coming up in the morning you would feel no need to justify your actions nor defend yourself. Growing up I navigated with my heart, the world taught me to use logic as a navigator through events. As an adult I understand logic will only take you so far, your heart space is where you want to operate from, combining that with all the knowledge we have gained over the years through introspection. I can now move with confidence and use my chameleon effect as my super power and opposed to a hinderance.
This defending ourselves is a very big thing. I was just gathering thoughts on this topic to speak about in the future. I have also navigated with my feelings - they are the basis for most of my observations in this world. However, I have found logic to be a friend, helping me to prove those feelings so I may make more use of them in the world. Such as here, in this space, where I can speak of my conclusions, but do so in a coherent fashion. But yes, anything powerful usually starts with a feeling, which is why I agree with you, and why I do start there.
I love your philosophy. Everything is explainable logically and I would add simply. The wanting to know the root cause and knowing how to find the cause are two of my greatest strengths that I'm just starting to see and I'm in my forties. I wish I had this advice when I was twenty something.. Can something be over thought? I don't think so. Dwelling is different than thinking. Dwelling involves emotion, thinking should not. Dwelling isn't healthy, thinking is healthy. Great video!
I am thrilled to hear you are confident in your strengths. I held back in this video but when I hear advice directed at our type by someone who is not our type (but says they are), it annoys me. But I think it's wasted energy on my part, because those who are truly our type will know instinctively something is not right in what they're hearing. At least I hope so anyway. Being told I think too much has been a source of irritation in my life because as you and I both know, this is our strength. I love how you described it in your comment. You understand it perfectly and you expressed it perfectly. Thinking is healthy and it most definitely is not the enemy.
Very well said. The chameleon is our protective layer while our thicker skin is growing. It's always a good idea to thoroughly research any subject we choose to stand for because we want to make sure it is what it seems on the surface. In the age we live in you could be mistakenly supporting something horrible behind the first glance. There are also things we feel strongly about that cannot be proven to any satisfaction but since it is our feeling or opinion it doesn't really need any proof but its good to have the skill to articulate and reason for them.
I clapped for this comment. I believe I know exactly what you're saying because I have had the same thoughts, regarding being mistaken … and other things 😉
This is very true. I put myself through the same condition process for professional purposes in my corporate workplace and it’s made a massive difference. I either use “I think” or “I believe” interchangeably more often than “I feel” and subconsciously it makes a world of difference. Good luck to other INFJ’s out there! :)
I too have an INTJ as my loved one, I think they have forced me to examine my arguments more strongly and generally ground our type, which is a good thing... Although they can be a little rigid in their thinking sometimes, they miss the nuance and ambiguities :)
I've been thinking about this on and off again since you wrote it. Do they or don't they? :) And I think you're right ... they do. I guess it depends on the ambiguities, but I've found only another INFJ can really get it. However, if I try to explain to the INTJ, they can usually piece it together, and then a very interesting conversation can come from it. But does that take all the fun out of it? Sometimes, but I still wouldn't trade mine for anything in the world.
I think you cannot overthink. If there are more options to weigh, and angles to consider, we should always keep exploring if we aren't at that place where our feeling has built it's defense. When we run out of new angles and are stuck in the loop of repetative thoughts that haven't pulled us to a logical, defendable place, it can be paralyzing. Someone who says I overthink is usually saying things are much simpler than the questions I keep asking about it, and maybe less important than the amount of thinking, but if I still see/feel holes in that simple thought then I think I'm underthinking. They are telling me to take a chance and decide usually because of a time constraint, which we have to do sometimes. But I think it's easy to decide when I have to, even on options that are unresolved in my mind. I'll pick the most logical I feel good about. But I won't be completely confident about it. And if I have more time, I'll won't continue overthinking, just continue thinking. I also don't believe you can overachieve if u do something because that involves validating an inaccurate imagined expectation. I think we can only underachieve. But I may be overthinking that ;)
Intuitional experience can never be prove in most cases because Ni often works unconsciously. The other problem is if we truly believe in something we invest all our "firepower" and passion in it but on the other side it's hard for us to express our emotions because that thing means a lot for us and we fear to be rejected.
I agree with you completely in that Ni works unconsciously, but are you sure intuitive thoughts can never be proven? I would say that sometimes I unconsciously prove something, in that my intuition and thinking work together in such a way in the background ... in a way in which I am almost not cognizant. However, there are other intuitive thoughts which I actively seek to prove. These have to deal more with moral issues, such as whether a thing is right or wrong. I have a feeling that an issue is one or the other, but I must prove that feeling and do it actively by engaging my thought process consciously.
So interesting to me that you have a lioness as your image running through this video. I have recurring dreams that involve an awareness that I have forgotten to feed the cats, In these dreams, when I go to the feeding place, I find hungry lionesses waiting for me. While dreaming I feel so sorry for neglecting them.
I have had recurring dreams as well. I believe my dream life is just my subconscious trying to figure things out. I think because it's so difficult for me to analyze my feelings in great depth, my brain creates things in dreams to help me in some way. It's funny because I don't think what's being communicated through the dream is that complex - but I laugh at my real life ability to miss the obvious.
I also think it helps to be able to say/see you were wrong if you see you were. I think NT types are more like this. They don't get too attached to their ideas so they can change their minds without getting their feelings hurt.
It's hard to admit being wrong. I know sometimes I dig in harder, which is really dumb. NT types can also get attached to their ideas, and get vicious when they're challenged. They're human just like the rest of us.
I appreciate that you leave me comments. I've found my honesty here leads to honesty in responses, which is something that actually gets us all somewhere good.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty I just also watched your clip on peace v truth and have been thinking about it all day. It was an eye opener. I'd also been choosing peace over truth (at times) and absolutely agree with your conclusion that if we find truth then we can find peace, and not the other way around 😊🙏
I am glad to hear you found it insightful. I think this particular one has layers of depth. There's the obvious, but the more you live with it, you start seeing the deeper meanings, and how they apply to people in your life.
It takes times to build confidence from within from many trials and error in the life experiences , Our upbringing the culture we live in and most of all from the inner voice that we seek, to be the truth. Knowing thyself is a starting focal point from within...everything falls into places when we see the connection In our relationships for the bigger purpose of this awakening life.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty just remember you are the leading star in this movie you play, time is the essence of now, your awareness in the reality will be experience thru all your encounters in the unfolding story of life 😉
im 68 i found out im infj,2weeks ago,i was the most broken man i pretty much ever met,i keep thinking of my childhood so carefree,its like negative emotions drain the life out of you ,at least me, after 40years of narcissistic abuse and im still ticking lol
I've also realized that in childhood, I seemed to know more who I was. My writings from that time suggest as much, but I listened to the world and questioned my identity. I'm so sorry you suffered such abuse. I hope you are out of it now and free.
Hey Sweetheart, here's the best song ever for us INFJ'S Google Diamond in the Sun by Andy Grammar. Tune in and love life in the moment! From an 18 year old in an old man's body!
I am starting to think of exercise in my head, whenever I imagine myself in a conversation I will add other characters especially to ask me to prove that logically or explain that. I don't know if it's gonna work or not, but I would like to give it a try.
This is excellent, and I believe it will work. The "characters" are objective beings you create to help you analyze things. It's a wonderful idea - I've seen other people in my life do this kind of thing. Someone I know even plays chess against himself! I don't think I could ever do something like that, but it's very interesting nonetheless.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty It always ends the same because everyone I think I know judges me when I open up. They also get annoyed by my personality. Whether this is my fault or not, I am very alone. I spend my whole life getting to know the people around me on such a deep level and I try and always help them. But no one ever tries to care about me.
They judge you, they get annoyed, they never try to care - this is what you have said to me. Is this your fault or not? Should I fault you for being such a caring person? Is it your fault that your beautiful caring soul draws people to you like a moth to a flame? No, I won't fault you, because it is not your fault. It is actually your gift. To care so deeply and with such a desire to help another is an incredible gift. But you are letting others abuse you in it. You are choosing people who want to live off your kind nature, again and again ... you are choosing people to help who have NO INTENTION of ever helping themselves. So they keep coming to you. And why wouldn't they? Why should they do the hard work when you do it for them? Those people are not worth your time. They do not want to help themselves. They want to use others, in order to avoid using themselves. It's easier to use someone else, rather than put the work in to develop yourself. Get rid of those people from your life. Toss them aside and find someone who's worth all your effort. I made a video asking if we should help the strong or the weak. We spend so much of our lives helping the weak, until we reach the disgusted place where you currently are residing. Disgusted with the world and ready to turn our backs on it all. But we need to change our perspective. And stop enabling weak people. And on the flip side, if you DO have people in your life who genuinely love you and perhaps you believe they are not meeting your needs, then you must tell them. Don't assume people are mind readers and will know exactly what you need out of life. Communicate. Expect them to meet you needs, just as you meet theirs. That is the definition of a REAL relationship. This stuff you mentioned here to me - these are not real relationships. Clean house, find people worth investing in - and you'll know, because they'll want to invest in you - people who can match your effort and help you grow. Then watch your confidence grow.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty To be honest, it means a lot that a someone random (even though I know how we work) is willing to help me in such a time of down. I followed your advice. It turns out none of the people in my life currently care enough to meet up to my standards. But what you say makes me smile and realize I do matter even if the people around here dont think so. So as a fellow advocate, I thank you with the very depths of my being.
I think perhaps some stay quiet when lies and uglies are flying with confidence because our self knows eventually lies die love lives and to think of having to defend speaking a truth is abhorant and physically sickening to some.
I agree but I also think that with maturity, it gets a bit easier challenging those lies. It still can make one feel sick, but the sickness from not saying something is worse.
Great video! I was wondering if performance anxiety is also a reason why we don't feel confident in expressing our thoughts. Sometimes I don't want to say something because I'm scared of hurting someone's feelings. I don't want to disappoint someone by telling them the truth. That's why I keep it to myself and I just try to be a chameleon. I guess it doesn't help when I have a father that keeps telling me how stupid I am, especially when I try to prove him wrong. He doesn't want to hear the truth. His feelings are the truth to him.
I can tell you articulate and intelligent. I know you may not always feel comfortable in sharing feelings, but I believe you will gain clarity and confidence with time.
Yamoon2000: Yes, this is also a reason. Telling someone what they need to hear versus what they want to hear is difficult to do. It's very possible to tell someone the truth but in a way which doesn't sting so much. I mentioned this in some other video, this packaging we have the ability to do, where we can tailor make what we say to each person in a way they are able to hear it and hopefully, receive it to their benefit. Some don't need the fluffy packaging and prefer the direct approach, but I've found in my experiences that most people we encounter need the truth told gently to them. It can still be effective that way. Consider people carefully as you interact with them. As for your father, there is no reasoning with what is unreasonable. I understand your situation well, because I tried reasoning with my father to no avail, until I realized it was a fool's errand. You know you're not stupid, no matter what he says, because the facts speak otherwise. I have great respect for you, given your age, and the interesting observations you have made here in my comment sections.
Thank you so much! I have great respect for you as well. Your videos help me better understand myself. I have been trying to understand myself for a few years now. I couldn't comprehend why my vision of the world was different compared to other people. During my childhood, I often felt lost, because I have a chaotic family. I had to mature pretty fast to handle the toxic environment I was living in. I didn't like school because I couldn't understand the students. Some of them were using me because I was nice and I was too scared to defend myself. For many years I felt like everyone was against me. After elementary school, I didn't want to have any friends because I didn't want to be used again. Whenever someone would talk to me, I would try to talk as little as I can to make them think I'm not interesting. It's only when I learned I am an INFJ that I started noticing the great potential I have and that was only a year ago. Before that, I was completely lost and I thought I was alone. I really felt like I was an alien.
Dear wise soul, Your videos have helped me in shattering my illusions about myself as an INFJ. I must tell you, it doesn't hurt me when I discover the ways in which I delude myself; it feels liberating and empowering. I owe this you. I bow in gratitude. At 34, I am still an underground cicada. But, I know that I am not going to drop out of the planet without emerging from underground. The underground work feels like air- can't be seen but is very much present and sustaining us. My writings were overly replete with I feel. I always noticed when people wrote I think. Alas! I couldn't figure out the difference at that time. After this video, I am getting a glimpse of how my language has changed. An area where I am still struggling is speaking the truth that people need to hear and paying a heavy price for that. A few months ago, I told my boss to assign me work during the work hours. I haven't signed up for a job that expects me to be at work 24/7. Needless to say, he was infuriated. But I strongly feel that we need to speak up against this 24/7 work culture which leaves one with no time to explore other areas of life and introspect in solitude. I spoke up because I know that there would come a time when such work culture will make us sick to our bone- literally and metaphorically both. Our Never Sleeping Beauty, please shed light on what I am not able to see- Am I wrong in speaking up against such injustices which are gnawing at the very fiber of human existence.
Yamoon 2000: To be perfectly frank, your level of self-awareness is incredible. And I must say, not very INFJ-like at all, especially given your age. INFJs take a very long time to come into knowing who they are. You already know. You are very confident in knowing who you are and what is right and wrong, and what you value. I can compare our childhood situations which are extremely similar: you try to prove your father wrong because you are confident in what you know (i.e. it must be him) whereas I could not comprehend that my father could be wrong (i.e. it must be me). It's looking internally first (what you do) versus looking externally first (what I did). I realize I do not know you, apart from a few comments you have left for me, but is it possible you are not an INFJ? I am seriously wondering if you are an INTJ. I felt drawn to you from your first comment, which makes sense. The two types (INFJ/INTJ) are two sides of the same coin, which explains why you can relate to what I'm saying. I could be wrong, and it is not for me to decide your type, but I want to give you something to consider. I could say more and analyze more, but I will leave you to investigate further and decide.
Start writing ... see what emerges over time. Ask loved ones for their help ... question them and take note of who they think you are, and then reflect on their answers as to how accurate they are. Record yourself ... listen back to what you have to say and then try to answer your own questions. Take video of yourself ... study yourself as intently as you study others. When spending time with others, try to analyze (in real time) how you are behaving (this one is hard to do but very helpful). Observe yourself as you change and/or adapt your behavior while engaging in conversation. The most important thing is to do it honestly. If you are serious about self-discovery, you will find what you're looking for.
am an infj ur description is very acurate for my iiner life , i have a question that i wish and hope u answer as an infj am more intrested in observing i like to " understand " life , people my self constantly , at the same am not having expireinces every day , i try to interact with the outer world i have friends i have a community of students i tried to be active , BUT by defaut i don t like expirences alot as much as like thinking and understanding so my question is am afraid that this prevents me from maturing , because i think that the more experiences u have the more mature u get and now i feel frustrated because as an infj i like thinking and observing more than experiencing so does that mean i am gonna be less mature than my peers .
You may not realize but this is a very mature question, so there is no reason at all to feel frustrated in this way. This is a question asked from a place of self-awareness so there is reason to believe you are much further ahead than you perceive yourself to be. How do we learn from experiences? Can some of us learn more through direct experience, while others learn more through observing the experience? I believe this is the case and as always, it depends on many factors. Was introversion or extroversion valued in your childhood home? Did you come from a large or small family? Was your family atmosphere quiet and reflective or loud and spontaneous? As a child, were you understood and encouraged in your quiet ways? Or were you encouraged to be less like yourself and more like those around you? Speaking for myself, I grew up in a large family with two extroverted parents. Staying in my room, seeking alone time and being quiet in that way was not necessarily encouraged. I wouldn't say it wasn't allowed, but my mother actually grew concerned when she thought I was "thinking" too much. In her mind, this was a bit alarming because she herself was not like this and by extension, it probably wasn't "healthy" (most likely her viewpoint) to be this way either. Also, I had several siblings very close in age to me and it's difficult to be alone when you share a room and when they are always seeking after you to do things. And I was willing, because that's what I grew up knowing. I know at that time, there were people my age in my school who had a much different situation and were allowed to spend time on their own or hang out in their rooms alone for hours on end. This was foreign to me in my house, and was not at all my experience. In fact, it wasn't until I was around 12 years old that I consciously acknowledged I kind of cherished some alone time and started seeking after it a bit. Even then, it was very limited, and I didn't understand why I needed it. I don't know your circumstances but something in your situation has allowed you or encouraged you to be someone who is more quiet and reflective. You say you do not enjoy experiences as much as you think you should, but even saying that, you still say you have experiences, and recognize the value of them. I would argue that because you've been afforded the opportunity to self-reflect, you have come to self-awareness (i.e. maturity) much faster than I did. I had many experiences but no time for self-reflection. You have had much time for self-reflection but not as many experiences. We need balance in both, as you already know. Everyone needs experience, no matter your type. Experience is what grows us as people, no matter who we are. _But how much experience is needed, how that experience is received and learned from, depends on the individual._ For instance, in my recent video, I used the example of how some children will still touch a hot stove even after being told by an adult that it will burn them. Some children must touch the hot stove to learn. Other children will sit quietly by, watch another child touch the hot stove and concur through observing the experience that hot stoves are not to be touched. Would you argue that one can only learn by touching the hot stove? Or that one can only learn by watching another touch the hot stove? No, because it depends on the individual. So I would say that perhaps you are an individual who can learn just as much from observing other's experiences as experiencing it yourself. And perhaps people like this do not have to have as many direct experiences in life (where they are actively participating) in order to grow. I believe this is the case with all of us, no matter our type. We all need both - direct experiences and observing of experiences. However, what the necessary ratio is between direct experiences and observing experiences will depend on the individual.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty first, thank you so much for replying, this problem was going inside my mind for a long time and made me kind of depressed because i felt like am being behind in life while people are growing up . " But how much experience is needed, how that experience is received and learned from, depends on the individual." this what i didn t think of before , but i always think that knowing the expirence " living it with ur brain " is never the same as living it with your soul and that what is making me frustrated because i feel i need new experiences but i don t want them at the same time i just want reflect and observe for my childhood actually, it was pretty normal, i was always outside and never wanted to reflect and think maybe because i was a kid , i just remember i was a curious child ( animals, nature, space , science , .. etc ) but it was never about being alone and reflecting about my life this part of me showed up when my life circumstances changed since the age of 18 i got into university and i had to be always in my room studying at the same time me and the guys that i used to hang out with developed different interests and i can never hang out with them so i became alone in my neighborhood and in university it was boring and stressful no time to know people just go study and come back home to my room during the age of 19 - 20 i started finding peace in my own company i started observing more and more and connecting the dots, i started speaking less and thinking more, and started having bigger questions about god, life , the nature of human beings then i discovered reading .. i became an avid reader for about one year and a half and it really changed me and gave me alot of answers and speeded up the process of self-discovery even more as i had new perspectives and an improved vocabulary to describe and see my inner self i found peace in reading .. it s the best thing ever but after 1 and half year i started having this doubts in what am doing , maybe reading is not that beneficial, maybe i am less mature that my friends with se dominance who have new experiences every week like i read a book every week i started realizing that i am experiencing the world with my brain not with my soul because am not present, although that i feel that actually my soul changes when u read books not only my thoughts i started noticing that i have a normal life with not much opportunity for new experiences and that is what made me stop reading books and feeling like a loser
It seems to me you are already figuring it out for yourself. Is your intuition telling you to seek a few new experiences? If so, then do it. Play around a bit more with your life, try something different, see what happens, think about it ... and so on. In other words, don't be afraid to experiment with your own life. If you're honest with yourself in the evaluation, you will learn things and see patterns in yourself - what you need and what helps you to mature. Your friends with Se dominance can only be considered as “more mature” if you are comparing apples to apples. You do not have Se dominance. So what makes you, an Ni dominant, more mature? That's what you need to discover.
@@YourNeverSleepingBeauty one of the best things that happened lately is discovering your channel , you gave me great insights , and am learning a lot from u as i listen to your videos constantly
Ironically, this question that you asked, was one of the BIGGEST debates in the history of an philosophy, and I am talking about the very foundation of modern philosophy, and some of the biggest names you will ever hear if you study philosophy. The question of "do we study life through experience, or do at study it by thinking about it?" So, as she already said above, the fact that you even asked this question means that you are WAY beyond the maturity level that you believe you are at. In fact, there may be some ways in which your maturity is way beyond your age, or that of your peers. This does not necessarily apply to all aspects of your life because it is not clear what those other parts look like, but if I had to guess, they are well on their way to being mature as well. Way to go, way to be the kind of thinker that has been revered for centuries. (don't let that blow up your ego 😅) just keep doing what you're doing, and find something you love, and channel that strong thinking into that love.
How old are you to move out of the observer? I want to get an average kind of age. Data. I understand everyone is different but most likely might help.
I don't think it will help. It just sets up expectations, as you are already aware ... a sense of measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, when as you have clearly stated, we are all different - genetically, environmentally and experientially. It is also important to keep in mind this is not clinical growth to be observed by data. As I said in my video, I still spend much time in observation. A wise person always will. There is no closing doors firmly when moving through stages. The lines are blurred between them, and this is natural and part of the human experience. Trust what you have discovered about yourself and you will know what to do. This is my message: it's all about knowing who *you* are.
Now, that's why I became seeker. So I can explain people my beliefs. But I live in Bulgaria, where stupid people make fun of you just because you say something they don't know. Too much ego...😩
Don't be too discouraged ... stupid people are everywhere, and this kind of mentality is all over the world. Even if you can't always explain your beliefs to others because they don't want to listen, it's good for you to know them for yourself.
