Can you have OPPOSITE SEX friendships while in a healthy relationship? 

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To set boundaries or ask for boundaries is NOT a sign of insecurity either. I’m sick of being accused of being insecure for asking for healthy boundaries. Because I spent my entire childhood being put last and being neglected and never being given a choice but to be forced around people who hurt me and disrespected me, that as an adult now I can say no and put my foot down and command respect to be surrounded by people who are respectful, kind and positive people. I put four years into therapy for this and I learned coping skills and how to quit being another person’s doormat. I found out I deserve respect. I say no to cattiness, drama and all the other negative bs that comes with a lot of these female friends that men have.

I am a lawyer, if you're in a committed relationship. Do not have friends of the opposite. What I see, with our divorce clients, it is often the 'friend' who ends up becoming the next husband/bf/wife/gf.

Agree with you. The moment something becomes non-transparent/secretive, it's a red flag.

Yes, make your partner your best friend!

Men treat their female friends better than their girlfriends then try to act like emotional cheating isn't a thing.

Someone once told me that opposite sex best friends are one step from being lovers or they have already explored that area; most people are attracted to their best friend; something about them got their attention from the start even if they met as kids the bond will only get deeper and stronger most times. I would be careful because some play by holding on to that bestie in case the situation they have ends, well they have someone to move on with.

If it bothers you that your significant other has opposite sex friends then (IMO) it's always going to "bother you". You can do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to convince yourself that "it's now OK" but there's a cancer cell in your relationship. If it bothers you and your SO laughs it off..decides that the friendship is too valuable compared to your peace of mind then it's time to move along. There needs to be a plain list of "deal breakers" right at the start of a serious relationship. If either side has an issue over where the lines are drawn then that's a sign you are probably not going to be compatible. I'm a religious type and when I got married we both vowed "to forsake all others". That's not just referring to sexual intercourse. Now, forsaking doesn't necessarily mean cutting people entirely out of your life, but your spouses want's/needs/fears should take precedence over your desire to spend time with any other person.

I love what was said about boundaries have to be created and that your partner should be your number one best friend. But the partner may still be insecure even after introducing them to the friend of the opposite sex.

Thank you! I’m glad people are becoming more honest with how they feel about this topic. Most people try and say they don’t feel a ways so they won’t come off as the jealous type.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me last night (a number of reasons), but she told me she confided in a male friend about a situation because she didn’t want to bring problems into my life. That same friend who is like a “father figure” also asked her on a date several times. I’m grateful we broke up because of all the red flags I was ignoring. But I was “insecure” lol. Have healthy boundaries, and don’t let anybody make you feel like you’re crazy for not being comfortable about a situation. Love yourself first.

I found out a guy I wanted to be with has an unhealthy emotional attachment to his female 'best friend.' They both put their 'friendship' above their partners so I called it quits. It's not okay to ignore your partner and come up with excuses saying you're busy but you message and interact with that 'friend' all day. I saw all their countless social media interactions but he just ignored me. Bye forever. All trust is gone now.

As the female platonic friend, I agree with you. Transparency is needed

PREACH!! Boundaries boundaries boundaries!! My ex had ZERO boundaries with his girl best friend, talks/texts with her EVERY DAY, takes her to go get massages on her bday (boundary suggested: give her a gift card and she takes herself), he would go above and beyond for her and was dead set adamant about me meeting her to become friends with her, then blew up at me when I asked "well what if we don't get along?" This ended our relationship and it's not a jealousy thing to ask that he set healthy boundaries with her, it's respect.... he refused. I left because I received none....

I don’t have any male friendships at all. In my experience, being friends with guys didn’t work out because the guys liked me and I wasn’t interested in them like that. I couldn’t maintain a friendship knowing I would never be interested in dating them. I would not be comfortable if I had a boyfriend who had a woman as his best friend - especially if they’re super close, on the phone everyday (what man gabs on the phone like that anyway???), hanging out, etc. I can admit that I have trust issues so I’m terribly jaded in this scenario.

I agree that your partner should be your best friend

Mine is the opposite. When his female friends weren't involved, we were at our happiest and our relationship was healthy. When they were became involved the whole relationship tore apart and it became toxic. The girls didn't respect boundaries or care for our relationship dynamic. He started giving his energy to them so I received hardly any energy from him. It was like I was suddenly seen as dirty because I was the one dealing with helping him through tough times while his female friends provided him with a sense of youthfulness and recklessness

I have several best friends, and one is a man. He has a girlfriend he is so in love with. He introduced us immediately, and she and I are now messaging and getting to know each other. There's a huge age difference. We were sounding boards for each other, and now it's he's mine if I need it. We have a great sense of humor with each other, which is fun. He's a wonderful human being, and we encourage each other. I truly think opposite sex friendships can work with the right honesty and open communication.

Also, what he said about the buffer is so true. In my previous relationships I would give my number out to dudes with the intent of being friends. I saw nothing wrong with it, but looking back, the reason I did it was cause there were things lacking in my own relationship. With my current partner, I wouldn't dare. He's a great man. We're in love and I respect him too much.

Once you get married. All friends should transition to family friends. You are friends of the family. Our friend

I don’t think that’s what he is saying. I agree with him wholeheartedly. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner is the one that God has sent to you then there definitely has to be some boundaries put in place . You as well as your “friend “ have to have an understanding that your partner, who is now your friend comes first you have to invite your partner into that relationship as well.

My guy best friend has been integral in how I handle my husband. I grew up in a single family household so I didn't know how to stand my ground AND be respectable at the same time. My husband has met my best friend, but we definitely have boundaries. No late night phone calls unless it's an emergency, and some topics are off limits. He's like a brother.. Any convo Im not comfortable talking to my brother about, I'm not talking to my best friend about.. Not doing it.. Nope..we not sending no selfies, cuz we're friends on social media.. We can see them there. I agree with Stephan. The word here is boundaries.

Thank you so much. This is what I was thinking and feeling but I needed it validated. Beautifully explained.

right on. don't call it exclusive or monogamous if you are letting yourself surrounded by the opposite sex.

You ever think that a relationship has flaws because of the friendship of the opposite sex? They will just agree with you because they are your "friend" never tell you that you are wrong. Instead of running to your friends they should talk to the person they are with and try to understand them. Not all advice is good advice from friends n family 🤷🏿‍♂️.

Yes..It may be difficult with the man.Your partner should know of this friend. One better not see them too often if you have a current relationship...Everyone should understand their #PLACE...period...............

The truth.. I havent listened to too many of his talks, but now I'm in

I totally respect this out look. I am in a situation, not attracted to this friend at all and I still pay more attention to my husband. He is my #1 best friend and although we have our relationship troubles I still could never imagine enjoying anyone else more. ❤️

My "friends" of the opposite sex either they were my ex or wanted to date me. Dont trust those "friends" if your gut telling you not to if you in a relationship with someone who has "friends".I choose to not cross the line but my "friends" be wanting me to.

I’m going through this with my child’s father ... we’ve been together for almost 4 years. He is my best friend but I just learned I’m not his

110% facts. Ugh I love your videos. Black and white and straight to the point. No filler bullshit.

Yes you can. I have 3 male friends and it's strickly friendship. 1 is know married to a female friend of mine lol. I do agree you partner is to be your best friend. I understand my role as a friend and agree with Stephan whole heartly

Why does this topic concern me so much when I’m not even dating!!!!😫😫 thanks for uploading this video👏🏽

Only immature people think it's okay.

Dude this is the best thing i've heard all year

I do believe that a couple can have opposite sex best friends; that can even be looked at as like family as long as everythingggg is respectful, honest & transparent among all parties involved; otherwise it’s a deal breaker ❤️👑🙏🏻

In my 32 years of life I have realized that in general men don’t seek friends 👫 in woman just to be friends. men are opportunist and will see a female friendship for selfish reason for example sexually relation or clout. Some woman fall in to this also but it majority men. This is the major reason why this topic is so controversial

She even said last night if she had to choose it would be her bsf over me and it crushed tf outta me

One person is going to catch feeling... Not good!

Good content I agree with what Stephan says, I believe the opposite sex bestie thing can bring a lot of dilemma if there are no set boundaries. Also it’s not really a good idea to remain close to a bestie you have had some type of intimate past with, remaining that close is more like an invitation of “ You can probably hit it again” and most guys/girls would stick around for some moment of vulnerability just to hit that again. It is just best to cut them off or remain friends from a distance. Either way for besties that weren’t intimate, one of them probably gets feelings hanging around each other all the time and one may present themselves as a safe bet to the other. In some situations, it can be a worthwhile relationship and in others it may just be lust and crossing a name of their list. There is a reason why they say opposite attracts( in this case male & female) so nothing should be left to assumptions.

He’s so knowledgeable, it gives me chills. I wish he was cloned so I could pick one of him lol

Thank You My Brutha! You really solidified for me why I know there was something wrong with my ex talking to another at OUR JOB PLACE--Which is where we met and how we hooked up, but never ended introducing me to HIS NEW FEMALE "FRIEND"

So recently I started dating this guy, his best friend is a girl they’ve known eachother for years. She’s super cool but she oversteps her boundaries and he doesn’t say anything. She will go touch his face lay on top of him hug him super tight say I love you all the time and stay the night on his couch. It definitely bothers me because it’s disrespectful asf in my opinion, but I don’t know how to approach it because they’ve been friends for so long and I just started coming into the picture

Your woman/wife should be your best friend....

Amen...Yep, my exBF kept me separate from his "friend". He did a conciliatory meeting when he took me out to drive go-carts on my bday. He didn't even introduce me as his girlfriend. The "friend's" mother took a pic of me and my exBF in front of our go-carts, he had serious sort of smile with a little physical distance from me, and when I took a pic of the 3 of them sitting on a bench, he had his arms around them and the biggest possible smile ever. After that he never allowed me around the "friend"... he would call her everyday, he entertained her all the time, lunches, dinners, rollerblading, kayaking, parties at his guy friends' house, those are only the things I actually knew of. I told him, do what you want but that I couldn't be with a guy like that. He agreed, but the next day (probably after talking to said "friend") he changed his mind. So I said "Ok you made your choice...plus I don't want to be with a 'waffler' "

I have a close, male friend that I'm not physically attracted to. We both are single & talk about our dating challenges. My hope is that we can continue our platonic friendship once we do enter into relationships.

fuck friends, keep your personal relationship tight. friends belong at their home living their own lives.

This really solidified my opinion. I will admit, I’m very traditional for a 24 year old. I think it’s become more common in my generation, which I don’t understand. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with that? Girlfriend having “male friends”

I am sooo glad I stumbled upon this channel. I love your advice. 👍🏼👍🏼

Yes! Yes! Yes! Wish more people had your sense!!

Music to my ears thanks so much and nobody can explain better than this

Before my current boyfriend, I used to think it was okay to have male friends. Now, I don't feel it's necessary. My partner is my best friend, and I'm his. He's everything I need and want. Why do I need other male friends? I can see if we were friends before I met him, but not a new friend, and the old ones would have to respect that I'm in a relationship. But this is something my boyfriend doesn't have to worry about

I love his response!💯

i did remeber a time i was in this relationship with a girl an sje did tell me i don't need to know her male friends i figure to myself that was a red flag right there.

Facts, I don’t share.

God LAAAAWD you good...luv your videos and advice thank you for providing this info on a free platform (as many need this and may not afford to talk to someone) ...you'll still be financially BLESSED 💯🙌🏽🙌🏽

The first video ive seen on youtube without a “dislike” 😂😂😂.

Wow, love this conversation😍

Play with fire, most times you get burnt, if its deeper then physical attraction theres worry, if its physical attraction there is worry, to go out and above to hang out and with the opposite sex and claim "friends" doesn't seem honest with yourself, so how is loyalty there, you know anything is possible if you are "friends" of the opposite sex to say it isn't no matter how loyal very niave, you must think you aren't mortal if you can't start forming feelings for someone, a relationship with one person has enough complications, add opposite gender friends seems not the best idea imo,

It also depends on how long you've been together and at what stage your relationship is. Also if you have some friends who live further away then it actually could happen that your partner doesn't know about them or at least haven't met them in person

My female friends are Christian sisters in the Lord. We talk about and honor God. Sex isn’t an option. God is our top focus and priority

He never per-say hid his friends from me, but he’d meet up with them in secret. He told me that because of my insecurities that he kept him working out with these women a secret.

I have to say that for me friendships are way more important to me, and it is my default. I also talk to younger people and for what ever reason , society is so screwed, that we no longer have "elders" helping "younger generation". That is insane. I am very empathetic and was relating to a younger person working at the bar, I had same issues in school as she but people judge an older person talking to younger. Like what? I had so much to offer her and to learn from each other. Crazy society I tell you!

Opposite sex friends: never test the waters for something that's not waterproof. It's not that I don't trust my partner. I trust my partner to not have these friends.

I had to let go all my female friends since child hood we use to joke laugh now they have boyfriends and i have a girlfriend its not worth the head ache

Finally, a reasonable response.

So glad to hear, extremely happy she left 😌

My partner doesn’t have female friends but is now reaching out to a girl to become friends wants us to all hang out but yet that friend has never reached out to me. Come to find out they just been sending memes for a year and after I told them multiple times to not reach out till I’m ready cause yes I felt very insecure and uncomfortable about him disregarding my boundaries and keeping up with sending memes to her and he still wants to be friends with her in the hopes we all hang one day. I’m not ok with it but I don’t wanna be controlling. What would y’all do?

No issue on my side having friends opposite sex is actually great !

I love and appreciate the direct thoughts. Speaking truth. Thanks.

Listening to this has DEFINITELY helped VALIDATE that the feelings I had about my now EX-HUSBAND all of a sudden becoming "Buddy, Buddy" with NOT ONE....but TWO WOMEN when we were married. It started about 5 yrs before he literally WALKED OUT of our marriage after almost 17 yrs and only gave me a 12 hr. notice that he was moving out the very next day. Apparently while I was home resting after having herniated 2 discs in my low back....he was taking our kids to the local library story hour and joining different play groups as though he was a SINGLE FATHER or something. Well, it was during those times when he'd made 2 new FEMALE friends who were also married....however that didn't prevent them from acting like total prostitutes every time they were around my husband. He of course thought I was just overreacting and when I eventually informed him how I didn't particularly like him being so close with these two women....he'd accuse me of being controlling and say that I just didn't want him having any friends, etc. That wasn't the case AT ALL....I just didn't like that he felt the need to make 2 new friends with 2 different WOMEN when he was MARRIED to ME. He'd also regularly text both these women and go on lunch dates with them.....ALONE!!!! I remember he had gaslighted me for SO LONG that I'd eventually convince myself that maybe I WAS being too controlling and/or insecure and that I just needed to let him do whatever he wanted or I'd end up pushing him away. Well, once I realized these 2 women were being treated better than I was for the most part and also getting most of his attention.....I put my foot down and that's when all these "You're psycho" accusations started being made and whenever I'd be around the 2 women...they were rude af to me and hardly acted as if I were in the same room with them and my husband. Well, then he REALLY chose to test the waters when he went behind my back and had arranged for these chicks to meet my in-laws (his parents) as they'd just moved in down the street from our house and needed help unpacking boxes and other miscellaneous duties. So he'd sneakily set it up for the 3 of them to help his parents unpack and basically LEFT ME OUT of the whole thing even though I was his WIFE. I just couldn't believe THE NERVE of this dude that I'd been married to for 11 yrs at the time. It was like he was a completely different person whenever these 2 female friends were around. I also couldn't believe my mother-in-law had given her stamp of approval on the whole thing and didn't take into consideration how much it hurt my feelings that my husband would choose 2 other women besides myself to go help his parents unpack. Well, it wouldn't be for a few more years.....but fast forward about 3 yrs later and I finally decided to sneak his cell phone and snoop for the first time in 20 yrs and that's when I found out he had a profile on a cheating site called Ashley Madison. Long story short.....after the aftermath of that whole ordeal....his mom and I went out for lunch and had a semi-productive visit.....that is until she whips out this book called "30 Days to a happy husband". Needless to say that's when I half snapped and asked her if that was her nonchalant way of letting me know that she felt it was MY FAULT that he'd been trying to cheat on me and that it was because I just must be doing something wrong if he chose to stray from the marriage. No....it's called "Your son's a sexually depraved pervert who obviously can't commit to just ONE VAGINA and I'd basically predicted that's who he was BEFORE we'd gotten married and yet I continued to ignore that gut feeling I had right after I'd caught him cheating the FIRST TIME.

The only way am going out with a man is if he's interested with me honestly I don't have male friends... I ligit think that causes problems in relationship especially being jealous... and you genuinely have female friends who try to destroy they friends relationship because of jealousy so people have to becareful... am here praying for the day where I meet a man that doesn't really have female friends all to that cause I hate the idea of sharing and in a relationship that should never be the case........females are the most brazen creatures I know on this planet speaking from experience as well... so no I don't think it's okay its not okay especially when the person your with doesn't know what boundaries mean with the "female friends " honestly that's not Safe............cause I know they gonna be a time when am gonna be like stop texting or hanging out with that person.... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bro always set the record straight🔥🔥🔥

Thanks for that one! Very needed for me

Absolutely spot on my man good for you

Great topic it was only til now from your show and guest Stephan bringing out points I actually encountered . I was the best friend and I was the buffer as you put it. But I step away for other issues having nothing to do with them. 11 years no marriage yet. And now they are fighting over a property they both purchase together. Its more to the story the point is this is very true how people will run and tell you things going on in the relationship. And you being a friend only want them to be happy and what you find out is your friendship is not as close as you want to believe until the truth is exposed. Thanks for you ytube programs I enjoy them very much !

Now I feel bad about being that friend

Any honest guy would tell...he's only interested in being friends with females he's attracted to sexually....He's waiting to for the opportunity or the opportunity already happened and he want it again.

Thank You my sentiments exactly.

My ex husband over 20 years ago used to put me down and exalted his lady friend. He called me names and was abused. He had his lady friend in our business and had her did his dirty work. Later, he admit his abusive towards me to his lady friend. She felt bad. The Most High made a way for me and our daughter who was a small toddler. His lady friend told my mother of everything over the phone of how he was abusive and controlling. I give all praises to the Most High🙏🏾👑📖

Nice!! Say it like it is brother. Well spoken.

I am in agreement with what you said....you are on point!!

Yes because some of us women work in trade jobs and you take on alot. And some of those men respect you and become your work friends

I agree to his point. I just her to treat me as her best friend. Good friends are okay to chill with but I don't like her chatting and talking everyday about every little thing in life with someone else.(Even a female or male for that matter)

Had arguments/discussions about this exact reason with someone also others but this was my main one of all each time. he said was he was allowed to have friends and talk to and do whatever , hang out , without anyone elses permission. It's his life and we weren't official anyways so I can't tell him anything. Yes, it's true we weren't together but we didn't act nor treated each other as friends , it was a romantic relationship, just without the official title and said he wasn't ready for one but still wanted to tho. That's how we started anyways, talking becoming friends and opening up and if be can do that w me he can do it w anyone I said even tho he said he has that choice to decide if it'll happen or not and he won't do anything if he's w someone tho he can talk to any girl and open up without telling you even if he's interested and wanting a relationship cuz it's his life and he's right to have his own friends when I would tell him everything. Now he wants everything separate no talking about each other life's, live separate and not talk like before =cutting me off tho I said it first when upset cuz I felt he was being distant and thought he wanted and he said it yes he does so we're not talking now. Sad when I was there through all his issues and he can't see my side saying we can't communicate o wells.

Boundaries for sure because cashing my man to watch your son while you run errands, calling him to help you with car trouble, calling him when you need to vent or talk, only thing he isn't doing is having sex with them and that's not cool.

my bf is my best friend all the way, no doubt about that. and I do have male friends, some closer than others, and that's totally fine with both of us. so it is possible, as long as you treat your partner right.

This deserves several thumbs up!!!! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

No man or woman, if he/she is in a committed relationship, should be involved with an opposite sex person beyond an acquaintance. It is playing with fire and never ends well. By avoiding it, I am telling/showing my girlfriend, through my actions, that I respect what we have. As a man, I would never take a woman seriously who has a male friend. She can do what she wants but it is a non-negotiable for a relationship as far as I am concerned because it is nothing but free attention for her.

That's right. WORD, thank you Stephan.

Thank you! Thank you! I agree with your opinion.

I’m greedy I’m selfish, and I’m not sharing.

Excellent points!

I love this advice!!!

I couldn't agree with you more

Or why is your partner hiding you their partner from the public eye like she (me)is a nasty secret.This is how my ex boyfriend treated me and his behaviors made me feel as that of him cheating on me with these women that's why I broke up with him.Yes I love him with all my heart and soul but I will not tolerate that crap from him or anyone else. I deserve to be treated better.What can I do to save us.

I agree with you on this Stephan 🙌👊something wrong if you gotta hide them from me👀 My husb (man) will be my BFF !

It's okay to have opposite sex friends but while in a relationship I'm friends with you at arms length not whipped but I don't want you in my business I'm not going to tell you my deep problems boundaries are key and I expect the same from my partner which sounds harsh but I like to keep to myself and our business is private

OMG I just had this conversation with a friend.

I agree I just broke up with my girl because she wouldn't let me meet her guy friend whom she admitted she slept with in the past lol