You truly do inspire me. I`m a childfree guy in a country where childlessness is almost viewed as a handicap. I`m having a hard time finding someone who wants to remain childfree like myself, but I have a sneaking suspicion that society would judge me even more if I was a woman.
why do you care so much about what people say ? perhaps is deep inside voice in you saying : why you don't want kids ? sure I is super comfortable to not have kids this days + is hard . We all look for easy life now days, juts look around soon kids will be born in labs, because woman will say that she does not want to be pregnant for 9 months LOL
Thank you for sharing! It is so sad that you feel like that :( And I do agree about that part in finding someone who wants to remain childfree as well. But you WILL find your person!
A friend once told me that people come into your life for either a time, a reason or a season. When your decision to be childfree comes at a cost of romantic relationships with those who want a family of their own, then that's when you know that the time is up, the reason is gone, and the season has changed, and it's time to move on. To put it another way, "Their loss, boss."
The late actor alan rickman wanted to be a father but his wife didn't want to have children as much as he wanted kids his love for her meant more to him they were together for over 30 years they were happy together till alan passed away from cancer
When I was dating, I mentioned and explained my childfree stance at least 5 times in all my profiles and brought it up within the first 5 minutes of connecting with someone. If their response to being childfree wasn't a firm yes, I'd not proceed forward. I dated several guys in the process and met my current childfree partner 4 years ago. The bottom line is to bring it up as early as possible and be completely transparent about it to save yourself heartache and disappointment in the long run
yes yes yes!! I totally agree with you! That is the biggest lesson I have learned the last year! Thank you for your input! And it makes me very happy that you have found a partner that aligns with the same values as you do!
You have to choose what will make you happy. If that person wants children, they feel the call to raise other humans...they deserve that happiness. It's not selfish to want to raise a family..if my husband wanted kids and I didn't, I would want him to find someone who did because i want him to be happy and live the life he wants. I was head over heels for a guy when I was young. He never wanted kids, I did. He went on to live a life without them, I went on to find someone who did. We didn't part because of that fact, but it was a difference of lifestyle choice. Some people will make the choice to stay with someone and be miserable with the choice they made to abandon their dreams, you have to be prepared for that possibility..and the same of someone who never wanted kids making the choice to have them because their partner wanted them. Both people should be on the same page from the word go, otherwise, reality hits pretty hard with the shit kickers she wears..
You cant force people to stay with you. Being honest and show your fear is important. But we have only this one life - and if you do not want kids for what reason ever, you shouldnt be forced into it - neither by society - neither by your partner. Sometimes it will lead to breakup, if the partner is focussing on own children. What ive learned so far - neither marriage nor children will provide a divorce or a seperation of partners. It can happen with children as well. And especially, when youre not happy with your life because you truly dont want children. Better to have a breakup before there are little humans that suffer from your breakup too. But every relationship is unique so the terms are too.
I was raised in a religion that pushed having children. It did not account for individual needs and circumstances at all. I witnessed many of my friends have kids that they could not afford, endure multiple life-threatening pregnancies (even after their doctors advised against having kids), and people whose partners just left and decided they didn't want to be a parent anymore, leaving their partner to do it alone. I myself had a child because of this religion, and honestly, it was one of the worst decisions of my life. I love my kid to death, but the depression, exhaustion, and lack of motivation to actually parent have been crippling. Both my child and myself are now in therapy to try to fix some of the damage caused by this. I will never understand why people keep pushing others to have children when it is not something they are 100% on board with. If your partner doesn't want kids, don't push the issue. If that's a deal-breaker for you, then you need to move on. If it's not a deal-breaker, then consider the fact that you might never have kids. It is absolutely selfish to push having kids and even bring a child into the world when there is even the slightest chance that one or both parents have second thoughts about it.
Omg... I can so relate to everything that you said about religion, family-comes-first-mindset, friends who's bodies are still in pain years after childbirths, etc etc.. I'm so sorry that you were more or less "forced" into that situation youself, and ofc you love your child
0:33 wow… going through this now. And I thought, really thought he was my person. But we are not and we are saying goodbye, still with an immense love for one another.
It must be quite difficult when you are going through the phase of 'do I want kids or not?' and you are leaning against no, but society, family, even your partner are trying to pull you to the yes side. But right now, if I go on a date, it's like the first topic - I do NOT want kids, do you want kids? 100% no? Ok let's order some drinks'. LOL.
Yeah, tell me about it! It is very difficult, and super easy to make a choice based on what other people think about it. I'm the same as you - that is basically the first question I put out there xD
@@maggiex991 Yes absolutely people can change their mind, but I would not invest my emotions into someone who for example says that he wants kids, even if he could change his mind later on :)
It is really important to be open about the question because if you aren’t it’s just gonna cause unnecessary pain in the long run not to mention waste the time of everyone involved regardless of what your choice is.
My fear's the opposite. My wife & I have no kids & we're happy that way. Granted I'm 46 now & haven't been single since I was 23, but if I were playing the dating game now, I'd be facing the problem of her wanting kids & me not wanting them. But in saying that, I'm old enough to be a grandfather now, so why would I want to start at my age?
I understand! And the dating world is not easy out there now... I'm only 33 years old, and it is brutal out there... every other man tries to change my mind about children even though my profile clearly states that I do not want any.. I'm truly happy that you are in a happy, accepting relationship
I would leave a relationship if my partner was unwilling to have children. I know what I want, you know what you don't want, so it's best if we go our separate ways.
And that is absolutely valid since it is a collision of values. The values are so different so ofc you need to make the choice that aligns with your values! :) Absolutely!
Well, it’s not for me to decide if a man (husband or not) leaves me or not. If he wants to be kept he would have stayed regardless of my decision to not have kids. If I ever did have kids he still would have left if he wanted to. My mom had me at 16 and she planned it. My bio dad left before I was even born so that should tell you something. I didn’t even ask to be here and now I’m struggling to find a job support my damn self. 🙄😐💯
@@a.medved thanks. You’re so kind. 🥹🥲🥰 At least now I don’t have to worry to death about how I’m supposed to support my nonexistent children ALONE with NO financial support without a husband and without a job. I still live with my mom and stepdad but I don’t get any handouts. I had to work for my own s**t btw.
" I didn’t even ask to be here and now " wow" what an ignorant, selfish statement just wow. You know why ? you are ALIVE and able to work able to do stuff YET you chose to blame your parents? amazing. Dont you see why your life is going the way is going ? or you want me to help you ? Start form gratitude and thank your self later. Long way to go but I believe in your soul . Good luck
@@optivitanutritionwell, just to clarify it’s was my PARENTS decision to have a child knowing damn well they wouldn’t commit to each other and they wouldn’t last together. THAT’S ON THEM!! THEY had to pay the price for raw dogging it out. NOW I have to pay for that too for the rest of MY LIFE because I gotta work like a slave in order to survive!!!!!!! My mom was the one who had to do the work raising me which YES I AM grateful for. I meant what I said. Did I ask them to bring me where I would be a wage slave??? NO!!! Do I like working jobs I hate in order to pay bills and STAY ALIVE???? NO!!! Am I grateful??? YES!!! Why?? Because someone loved and cared enough to give me life and love. Things that I do TODAY is what I’M responsible for. Some parents don’t realize how their choices affect their children. I was so affected by the fact that my father wasn’t there for me that I wanted to take my own life. Here I am today navigating life as a child free woman. My parents made their choices I made mine. That’s the difference. And NO, I don’t need your help on finding out why my life is the way it is. Thank you.
I don't want kids I don't like kids and I DONT want kids how clearly do I need to say this? Anyways who's that cutie there? I can see the little tail wagging
مرحبا لا يستحق أن تعبدي مخلوق ضعيف يموت لم يخلقكي فقط خالقك يستحق أن تعبديه وحده لا شريك له من فضلكي تعرفي على الاسلام الحياة قصيرة تنتهي في أي وقت ونعود لربنا ليحاسبنا اني ناصح لكي أمين وشكرا
Regarding wanting to be childfree you need to know not just how you feel now but how you will feel in several decades since you may change your mind. It''s very common for women in their twenties to feel that they never want children and then to change their minds and very much want children in their thirties. Relationships are both about shared goals as well as a deep connection so it behoves one to assess if you are compatible with a man early on in the relationship.
Absolutely! But a recent study from Michigan University made in April 2023 shows that the majority of childfree people who actively chose a childfree life did NOT change their minds when they got older :) I know for a fact that I will not regret my decision at least :)
The problem is that many people will rationalise their decisions as having been the correct ones no matter what they do. Not doing so would actually cause people who aren’t very self reflective trauma. I suspect your emotions are very influenced by others and it takes alot of energy for you to introspect on them and I think it’s great you are doing that. I had a look at your videos and your ex probably experienced you getting an abortion as a personal rejection (i.e. you’re not good enough for me to have a child with you). Even if you really never want children that is how most men will see it unfortunately. There was no winning move here.
@@dghellen I have not been influenced by anyone since I grew up with a very family oriented family. I had no one to talk about this with, and I have felt like this regarding kids since I was 11 years of age. And yes, my ex probably felt like that, a rejection, but I had my reasons as well, and he was always said that he could live without kids aswell. So I can't take responsibility for his reaction. I dealt with my emotions, my traumas and my issues. That is all I can do. I can only be authentically me :) And I'm proud about my choice, and where I am now :)
@@xantair1107thank you for saying that! My thoughts exactly! :) It has always felt like we get talked down when we are children, when we are teenagers, when we are young adults, when we are in our 20s, and so on. I'm not sure it will ever stop. I have thought long and hard about my decision to be child free, talked to my therapist, my friends and my partner. I am not one to choose these things out of a mood swing or whatever some people think we do when we are "too young to make those long term choices". I'd rather regret having no child and dealing with it on my own than having to regret having a child and putting my child through the trauma that comes with it.
