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Childfree by Choice: My Story 

a.medved
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I wanted to share my childfree story with all of you. Maybe some of you can relate and know that you are not alone. Warning - I get a bit emotional

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24 сен 2023

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Комментарии : 91   
@thekingoftheworld9553
@thekingoftheworld9553 10 месяцев назад
I think when our generation struggles to even pay rent, having children is so far out of reach we don't even think about it. Also the way climate change is going I'm not sure I could even morally justify having kids to myself.
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
I totally agree with you, the prices are out of control right now with the inflation, and we can't even sustain outselves barely.. and I personally would rather adopt a child than have my own, mainly because of the environment. In the end, I support people having kids, and not having kids, but I think like you
@gigisummer109
@gigisummer109 6 месяцев назад
Please don't regret not knowing yourself better before because the learning to know yourself has come through this experience too. You are a beautiful, authentic and courageous person.
@a.medved
@a.medved 6 месяцев назад
Thank you so much for your kind words!
@gigisummer109
@gigisummer109 6 месяцев назад
@@a.medved I think what I said and you are very welcome.
@simona_ab
@simona_ab 10 месяцев назад
I knew I was going to be childfree for choice since forever. I had a miscarriage at 37, now I am 50, survivor of an abusive husband, and being a happy volunteer for an animals shelter AND a retire home for elderly people in need. I had the priviledge to serve as a volunteer for the Ukrainian refugees, my life is full and happy. By the way, I'm Romanian, living in Italy. You've got this, girl!❤
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Sad about the miscarriage if the child was wanted at that time. And I'm so so happy that you got out of that abusive relationship! You truly seem to have found your calling with the volunteering and just helping both animals and people
@simona_ab
@simona_ab 10 месяцев назад
@@a.medved it wasn't desired but thank you for your beautiful words. A hug from Italy
@chrislongfellow3229
@chrislongfellow3229 10 месяцев назад
You made me cry. So sorry you went thru hell. I didn't meet my man till I was 38. Been together 17 years. Stay strong, love yourself &be well please. ❤❤
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Now you made me cry again! Thank you so much for your comment
@angelaholmes8888
@angelaholmes8888 10 месяцев назад
I'm glad that your mother now supports your decision to be childfree unfortunately not many parents do that luckily my mother accepts my choice
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
I know, it is so so sad that many struggle with getting the support for their choices :( I'm so happy your mother supports you as well!
@Jac527
@Jac527 10 месяцев назад
Life stories like this confirm my decision to remain single and Childfree. I’m happy you made decisions for you. 🎉
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Thank you for your kind words
@angelaholmes8888
@angelaholmes8888 10 месяцев назад
I had a horrible childhood It was very traumatic and at times chaotic I was sexually emotionally and verbally abused when I was 11 years old I made the decision that I wouldn't have children I don't regret my choice I'm 33 years old now because of the things I went through I know I'm making the right choice I don't want to pass on that trauma to another generation like my parents did with me and my brother
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
I feel for you, no child should go through what you did! I truly hope you are in a better place now, happy and proud of yourself and living YOUR life to the fullest
@angelaholmes8888
@angelaholmes8888 10 месяцев назад
@@a.medved somedays are good at times I do still get triggered and have flashbacks today is a good day for me
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
@@angelaholmes8888 I hope you at least have a good supportsystem the days that are tougher
@angelaholmes8888
@angelaholmes8888 10 месяцев назад
@@a.medved in a way I do I watch videos of survivors talk about their trauma it makes me feel less alone
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
@@angelaholmes8888 Good! And don't hesitate to take professional help also if needed
@tnw1003
@tnw1003 8 месяцев назад
Thank you for sharing 🤍 I really appreciate your openness and your sharing your story 🙏 what a powerful message - so empowering. you deserve every happiness, I wish you all the best 🥰
@a.medved
@a.medved 8 месяцев назад
Thank YOU for listening
@elsugga3736
@elsugga3736 7 месяцев назад
Thank you for sharing your story. Women need to speak up more and more because we are NOT baby makers, we are people❤
@a.medved
@a.medved 7 месяцев назад
Thank YOU for listening ❤🙏🙏🙏 I totally agree, we are people!!
@katesmith7054
@katesmith7054 6 месяцев назад
In a world of superficiality it’s so moving to hear your story. Thank you for sharing, it must have been hard to put it out there for the whole world to see. I’ve not known that I didn’t want kids until this year when I turned 38. I had an abortion (he tempered with childbirth to get me pregnant so that I would stay with him) at the age of 19. I didn’t hesitate for a second. I knew I didn’t want to be a teen mum. And then I spent 18 years thinking I’d want kids some day. When it came to a now or never point I talked to my husband of 16 years. And it turned out he always knew he was child free. Throughout our marriage he just never spoke out. There were little hints but he never mentioned that it was a deal breaker for him. Just yeah we’ll have kids one day. Hoping I wouldn’t want any. I’m glad your mum is on your side. I’ve never been able to tell my parents or my siblings about what I went through when I was 19. And I really needed them by my side back then. But I guess we were never allowed to be anything but perfect growing up.
@a.medved
@a.medved 6 месяцев назад
Omg.... thank YOU for sharing your story
@CuteCatsofIstanbul
@CuteCatsofIstanbul 10 месяцев назад
I'm so sorry to hear your painful story - that's a lot to go through. Hugs to you! My life has been ruined so many times by people (incl doctors) saying 'oh that's normal', 'oh every body goes through that'. For example, for years my sleeping disorder was disregarded because 'everyone has trouble waking up in the morning', 'every kid hates going to school at 7am', 'some kids are aggressive when they wake up, nothing to worry about' (and my mom accepted that answer as well). Then it turned out I have a sleeping disorder, which I still have. I never ever wake up feeling refreshed, I'm always exhausted, morning are HELL. That was my first reason 'I can't look after a child like this, and I can't be responsible for their bad genes'. Then with that illness came the financial reality; I could barely look after myself! Then I also noticed, for example in the office, while everyone would run to babies being brought into the office and do the baby talk, those babies did nothing to me. 'Ok, a human baby, can someone please bring their puppy dog to work!?!' I've simply always found animals sooo much more interesting than human babies, I feel very maternal towards them, but not towards human babies. Thanks for sharing your story - it is so so so important that people hear it. 🥰
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
First of all - thank you so so much for your kind words!
@raisamontgomery6597
@raisamontgomery6597 10 месяцев назад
Personally I think every individual no matter the gender is born with inherent right to chose the life the see themselves living whether that includes children or not. I don’t know that one path is greater than another is just a life path and it has value. Being a doctor isn’t a greater purpose than being a mother it just depends on the individual. Thanks for sharing your experience, I am also I woman on my 30s and come from a Hispanic culture that also deeply values family I don’t see children and my future and sometimes I’ve also struggled with shame over not wanting to have children because society see it as outrageously selfish for a woman to not sacrifice her individual needs and desires to become a mother.
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Thank you for your comment! I could've not said it better myself! I totally agree with you! Your value as an individual is not defined by whether you want children or not, or if you are a millionare or not. Thank you for sharing your experience in this comment! I can relate to everything you wrote, and please know that you truly are not alone in this!
@Seidirselbstbewusst
@Seidirselbstbewusst 8 месяцев назад
Thank you so much for sharing your story so honestly. It hurts that you had to go through so much pain just because you want to live your own life. With you all the best.
@a.medved
@a.medved 8 месяцев назад
You have no idea how much your warmth and support means to me
@JaneG
@JaneG 7 месяцев назад
You are such a pure and beautiful soul. Please, don't regret any of your choices. It took you time, thinking through, and courage to do what you did, to choose yourself, to listen to your heart, to choose your own life path. Your life is yours, and the biggest mistake would probably have been doing something for others just to please them, to be nice to them, but by ignoring yourself and your inner voice. You did right, you're right, you're amazing! And, the guy is definitely not for you by what you mention about him... you did your self a huge favour, for sure!
@a.medved
@a.medved 6 месяцев назад
Thank you so much for your kind words, You actually brought tears to my eyes with this comment
@livstylerewind
@livstylerewind 10 месяцев назад
Thank you for aharing your story. I will be 34 soon & have never wanted children either & I have always felt like a complete "outsider" bc of it. It's nice to know that there are more of us out there!🤗☺️
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Thank you for your comment! You are definitely NOT alone in this, and it is sad that it is not spoken of more! If it was spoken about more, then we would not feel like outsiders or misfits..
@Fan-zx1lz
@Fan-zx1lz Месяц назад
You are very to the point and straight. No nagging and topic dragging. I have subscribed to your channel. I am a solid Childfree man from an Asian country, here it is very very Hard to be Childfree, because the societal pressure to get married and have kids is very intense and people are mad towards the ones who don't follow the regular pathway of Life.
@a.medved
@a.medved Месяц назад
Thank you for your kind feedback!
@Fan-zx1lz
@Fan-zx1lz Месяц назад
@@a.medved Thanks for your response.
@dannybsthlm8544
@dannybsthlm8544 8 месяцев назад
I think that it’s insane how the society view people as birth machines & as seeders. I mean, obviously: yeah, that is one of the things that you can do with your body, but it’s so insane how the society has a view of EVERYONE having to do that & especially women. I have myself not gotten very many people who have reactions to me not wanting kids. A couple of times & I disagree with them each & every time. “You know, my life started when I got kids” - great, that’s YOU.. Not me. “You would be such a great parent” - I beg your pardon? Me tolerating a child in public & understanding that that kid cannot help that I’m not a fan of him/her & therefore will treat him/her very good, is all that is. Don’t judge seeing me with a kid for 5 minutes as a great future parent, cuz’ IK that I wouldn’t be. I don’t want kids, I hate responsibilities with a burning passion. I like to take care of myself & spend money on myself, not on a screaming & drooling & pooping toddler, that then also is gonna grow up & eat me out of the house & having me worried when he/she is a teenager. My internal reactions would be “you ruined my life”, even though I understand that he/she didn’t have a say in the matter. The thought of taking care of another human being 24:7 & especially when I’m not naturally a nurturing person is horrible & YK what? A child deserves better.. Children are meant to be wanted, loved & cherished & being a parent should be something you do with passion. I know myself, and that’s not me & will never be me. I also couldn’t live with myself to bring another human into the world knowing that he/she has 1% of extreme success & will be like the rest of us: hustling his/her back off & struggling & at the same time, making other people richer. I love my kid enough to not bring him/her into this world to a parent like me & to this world. Not having kids should be normalized & the world will live on & go on as many people still want kids & will always want kids. Leave the rest of us alone.
@a.medved
@a.medved 8 месяцев назад
Can I give you a halleluja moment? You nailed it in your comment! Thank you for your input! I relate to everything you say in this comment, and I truly understand you! In my opinion, we are very thoughtful adults, who knows that we are not fit to be parents, and that is not fair to force upon a child! They deserve better, and we deserve to be happy aswell, not miserable because of societal norms...
@dannybsthlm8544
@dannybsthlm8544 8 месяцев назад
@@a.medvedI completely agree with you. My question also to these people who call us CF-people selfish are how selfish they themselves actually are. I mean, how much can you care about children if you’re willing to nag on CF-people? While we who won’t cave in & stand rock-solid, there are those that are shamed into it & decide to cave in & the result is that the kids FEEL & KNOW that they are a burden & unwanted. And yet.. Whenever someone says “I don’t think that I want that/I don’t want that”, etc, instead of not taking the risk, they go on with their “oh, but are you sure? It’s heaven on earth!” “come on, don’t be ridiculous”.. That if anything is incredibly selfish & irresponsible IMO.
@erdbeerschorschnc3484
@erdbeerschorschnc3484 9 месяцев назад
Thank you for sharing this. Honestly I think it is really important that young women see stuff like this so those of us who feel similar are more inclined to tell our partners early on that we don't want kids or at least that we as of right now don't want them and are not sure this will change. I think if we present having kids more like an "if" than a "when" to younger people the kids that are born are more likely to experience a good childhood as wanted children where the parents made an explicit choice for them.
@a.medved
@a.medved 9 месяцев назад
Thank you for your comment! I could not have said it better myself! I think too many people have kids just "because" without actually thinking more about the choices. I believe 100% in what you say about better childhood if people are making a consious choice instead of just acting upon norms.
@carnivorepolice5-0
@carnivorepolice5-0 7 месяцев назад
It should be one of the earliest conversations in a relationship you don't want kids give the person you are dating the chance to leave early before any bonds are formed especially if they do want kids.
@a.medved
@a.medved 7 месяцев назад
@@carnivorepolice5-0 I atotally agree with you! And I was very clear in the first week that I was unsure about kids, and that I have never wanted them before, but that I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't change my mind with the "right" person :) And he was of the same opinion at that time
@Kathrin_yt
@Kathrin_yt 10 месяцев назад
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! This was really moving and so helpful!
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Thank YOU for your kind words and your support!
@beaulieuc8910
@beaulieuc8910 6 месяцев назад
i feel totally the same
@shawnlove4502
@shawnlove4502 6 месяцев назад
You are a wonderful storyteller. This is sad and i feel like il be in a similar position since i dont want another child and my partner wants a child. Idk what will happen
@a.medved
@a.medved 6 месяцев назад
Thank you so much for your kind words
@bennewman4675
@bennewman4675 6 месяцев назад
I didn't say you was programmed to not want kids. I said some people might not be programmed to want kids. And maybe that's you maybe your not programmed to want them
@fuwamova
@fuwamova 8 месяцев назад
One of the latest question i got was, Who is going to burry you ? Have you ever thought about that ?
@a.medved
@a.medved 8 месяцев назад
um... what kind of question is that???? 😬 jeez...
@carnivorepolice5-0
@carnivorepolice5-0 7 месяцев назад
​@@a.medvedhonestly as I prepare things for others a fair one most likely the state will control your corpse and dispose of it in anyway they see fit.
@a.medved
@a.medved 7 месяцев назад
@@carnivorepolice5-0 Yeah, and that is totally fine for me :)
@carnivorepolice5-0
@carnivorepolice5-0 7 месяцев назад
@@a.medved yep and here that means the state takes all your assets as well.
@a.medved
@a.medved 7 месяцев назад
@@carnivorepolice5-0 yeah I think it is the same here unless you have a testament will that friends could act upon :D
@bennewman4675
@bennewman4675 8 месяцев назад
When I ones heard that some people are programmed to want kids. I was just thinking there could all so be a chance. That some people might not like using condoms even if they are not programmed to want kids or don't want them
@theflowerhead
@theflowerhead 6 месяцев назад
Your ex partner sounds kind of awful. I'm so sorry. I wasn't happy "having to" have kids as a (forced) conservative woman since pre-teen. As I got older it horrified me. I didn't know if someone would even stay with me. Very relieved I never did any of that marriage and family stuff. My boyfriend was worth waiting for. We click perfectly. Don't compromise certain things. Thanks for sharing, you're very brave. Edit: grammar P.s. I like kids and will get married someday, but I just don't feel empty or anything, I don't care deeply about it.
@a.medved
@a.medved 6 месяцев назад
Thank you for your support and comment
@theflowerhead
@theflowerhead 6 месяцев назад
@@a.medved Of course, you seem like a lovely woman. There's definitely one for you. 💕
@beaulieuc8910
@beaulieuc8910 6 месяцев назад
tomboys unite. i was a farmers daughter never interested in dolls but i did like animal toys. I do like cooking though but think cooking is unisex i would have loved to have done carpentry
@a.medved
@a.medved 2 месяца назад
YEEEES!! :D this makes me so so happy to hear!
@ShwetaRamkumar
@ShwetaRamkumar 7 месяцев назад
Just came across your channel last night and you've earned yourself another subscriber, this is the 12th childfree channel I've subscribed to Loved your powerful story and journey as a childfree woman. I've wanted to be childfree since the second I was born and have been very vocal about it since the age of 6 or 7. Despite growing up in a very conservative, patriarchal, religious and sexist culture (Indian), my parents extended family and friends all fully support and respect my choice. I live in a city where there is a booming childfree community so have made a lot of friends in the process and attend events with them. I've shared my childfree journey and story on several podcasts, RU-vid channels, blogs and have also been a planelist on Global childfree conventions. Check out the "My Childfree Life" on my channel to learn more and I look forward to your next video :)
@a.medved
@a.medved 7 месяцев назад
Thank you so much for your support!
@Datb2
@Datb2 10 месяцев назад
your mothers reaction to the abortion was disappointing
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
It was, but she has apologized for it and has supported me since then :)
@beaulieuc8910
@beaulieuc8910 6 месяцев назад
i think you dodged a bullet, he sounds like narcisisst
@a.medved
@a.medved 2 месяца назад
Thank you, I'm glad I have healed and gotten to a better place now
@DeanP111
@DeanP111 6 месяцев назад
It’s mad listening to this situation though her selfish, if not narcissistic, lens
@kerrieannebaker8595
@kerrieannebaker8595 10 месяцев назад
"just being a mother" . stuff you. I'm a mother with four university majors and have done everything in life that I've wanted to. I didn't want kids, but got pregnant accidentally , and decided to own my mistake. Best mistake of my life.
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Good for you, but that is still not for everyone, and for you to push that motherhood is for everyone is quite narrowsighted. Enjoy your family and your child, and let people enjoy their childfree choice :D
@kerrieannebaker8595
@kerrieannebaker8595 10 месяцев назад
your disrespect of motherhood may actually be internalised misogyny.
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
Agree to disagree, some people are just not interested in being a mother. It has nothing to do with disrespect.
@Andrew12217
@Andrew12217 10 месяцев назад
If I'm a guy and I don't want to be a parent, is that misogyny? Misandry? Or it just doesn't hold relation at all?
@a.medved
@a.medved 10 месяцев назад
@@Andrew12217 could not have said it better myself!
@darrellohare2573
@darrellohare2573 10 месяцев назад
"iNtErNaLiZeD mIsOgYnY." 😂
@erdbeerschorschnc3484
@erdbeerschorschnc3484 9 месяцев назад
I think they explain quite well that that they don't think being a mother means being a housewife that is incarcerated in their home but they mention SO many valid reasons: pregnancy, parents(! not just mothers) having limited personal space and time to do other things in life for the first few years, her never feeling that "baby/kid fever" the same way her girlfriends did and so on. Yes she also mentions being confronted by her mother about her own regrets regarding not being able to pursue a career, and sure those are not excluding each other generally, but since we don't know her story it might have indeed prohibited her from becoming a doctor, due to a variety of possible reasons. Also I don't think she disrespects other peoples motherhood at all here. She doesn't leave a negative remark about her girlfriends in school wanting kids or about her own mothers choices. I think she is being very understanding regarding the reasons why her own family disregarded her saying "I don't want kids" for a long time. And honestly personally I can see myself being a childfree woman myself, while I respect nothing more than however the f my mother managed to have a full time job while being a single parent. But I see that it was hard and making motherhood and parenthood seem like a ride in the park is crazy. And that goes especially for parents with little finances/unstable jobs, single parents who don't have a supporting family, parents where one or more of the partners have a disability or chronic illness and so on.
@marinasampaio4027
@marinasampaio4027 8 месяцев назад
Thank you for sharing your story !!!
@a.medved
@a.medved 8 месяцев назад
Thank YOU for listening
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