Thanks for watching everyone. Why not pick up a copy of my debut novel OKAY DAYS, that has a childfree theme: Blackwells (FREE WORLDWIDE SHIPPING): blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Okay-Days-by-Jenny-Mustard/9781399713467
Blessings and love from Chile. It is so important that we can see that we are creating beings. That is the essence of human beings. If we turn that creativity on any area that inspire us, we will have a full filled life. Sharing about being a happy free child couple is a major thing right know. It is needed. First of all, without a question we live in an overpopulated planet. It is just sad that we “think” that we need to be parents to validate ourselves. Second, it is such a challenging job to have kids. As you share in the video, it needs a constant self reflection, self relaxation, self improvement, self flexibility. If you decide to have children it is going to be the most important thing that you will do, because the future of the planet will be model by who you are raising. Nothing little in that. Another thing is that your rhythm and habits in life will change. Drastically! You will not sleep when you want, you will make new habits to fit more people in your daily routine, you will certainly spend much more money that we are able to imagine 😅, and you will be changing plans and gears unexpectedly more time that you believe you can. Love is Infinite, so it cannot be measured or compared. The Love for your partner and the love for your child are the same. It comes from the same source, and that source is Infinite ❤.As creative beings we must serve humanity in whatever way suit as best. By the way I am a mother of 2, that put my creativity in raising this amazing beings, learning and experiencing the yogic way to raise children. The way in which their spirits are radiant is beyond my comprehension. My passion is creating trainings for sharing how to be parents and thrive doing so while nurturing this beautiful souls that come to share life with us. And even when is the passion of my life, my first advice is that everyone should try to understand with the core of their being what is to be a parent and how deeply your life will change in unimaginable ways. Many people that talks to us are afterwards convince that they really prefer not to have kids 😊 Even when is the thing that move my heart to work with families, I am happy to hear when someone decide to be a happy free child person, because it is a win win for everyone. Most challenging thing of being a parent is that you need to do so much selfcare and you really don’t find the time. Hope this is helpful to continuing this thread of creativity about this important matter. Love from a happy mother of two to a happy free child Jenny 🎉
For me, personally, the most difficult part of not having kids is maintaining friendships with people with kids. They are just constantly talking about them or not listening to me because they are thinking about them. I am just naturally surrounding myself with child-free people, but I am sad about those friendships that I lost..
I hear you, even though I am a mother but I get irritated when women constantly talk about their kids, like come on your whole identity is in motherhood. Hello
Friends come and go. Learn to grief and make new connections. That's the _easy_ part, the hard part is when you realize your physiological and psychological side *want* to have kids by exhibiting symptoms of depression but avoiding the problem with coping mechanism ( eat, sex, drug, dopamine from social media, who's know, etc). It's too simple to think: "ah, i like my freedom, and money to spend on whatever i want" but forgo the higher level of training for life. We see more body count, more abortion, more mental health and drug abuses nowadays. Dr. Sara Hill talk about the consequence of using contraceptive bill on women's body and mental state in a interview with Dr. Jordan Peterson, check it out if anyone want to learn more.
You are me, I am you. I get this. Children are easy to romanticize! Christmas, birthdays, family dinners when the kids have grown up... sounds lovely! But it's a small piece of the puzzle. I know the day to day isn't for me.
This is how I’ve been feeling but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I enjoy being around family kids at celebrations but I am always happy I don’t need to do it every day. Mid 30s male here.
children are pain the a$$ hole. They cry and scream every fucking day for YEARS and then even when they grow up, it doesn't end, they will become even more annoying af.
I had a tubal ligation at 22. That seems very young for such a major decision, but I knew myself. I'm 70 and have no regrets. People have said all sorts of things about me not having children. Some them were quite rude.
Very strange considering there can be so mucj sadness when a child grows up and faces pain in school playing outside etc. Then when they grow up and rebel or turn out to have delays or disruptions in their development (rude unhelpful unreasonable teens) it's another cause of pain. But these people never talked or listened to their kids perhaps so they never knew all the pain the kids faced and thought all was well. It's hard in many ways and when you talk and know you will understand and not be ignorant towards the childfree. I am so sorry you experienced that.
@heyitsKris82 hopefully your kid understands you. If you talk to eachother that can help. And they'll have better options for themselves. Not a lot of parents or people can admit their mistakes so that sets you apart already in a positive way. And it's not a that glitters that's gold. The so called healthy normal people be having narcissistic traits not respecting and being abusive to their kids and then full on denying everything cause they have some need to win. So be aware of that as well
It is just a different path! ❤ I dabble in so many different things because I enjoy learning. I have the freedom to do so. People always ask how I have the time. The answer is that I don't have kids. I can take jewelry making classes, do pottery, knit, go traveling all in the same month. 😂 I love my life. I saw a podcast YT video where someone essentially said: you can grieve the life you won't have, but it doesn’t mean it's the wrong decision. It's just different. Make the best of life, whatever your path is. ❤
The best thing for me about not having children is the freedom to be ill and heal. I got huge respect for all these parents in the world who have headaches, influenza… and still care for someone else
I have never had maternal instinct but I did get pregnant and decided to give birth when I was 30. I love my son, I'd give my life to save his, but if I could turn back time I'd never ever do it again. My motherhood has been extremely lonely and traumatic because of my own unprocessed childhood traumas which motherhood very quickly exposed. I feel like I've been stuck/paralyzed/unable to take care of myself/completely not myself (if I met myself I wouldn't recognize me) and in a chronic depression for the past 17 years. My son was born with heart defect so all my attention and fears (!) focused on him. I stopped existing, my needs, my dreams, all gone. At 48 years old and him turning 18 next year I don't know who I am any more. I used to love life, I was always planning things, not any more. I suppose I'm also unemployable at this point so I feel like my life has ended. It takes so much effort for me to convince myself that I still have a chance to make things work when he graduates high school and starts university but it's like learning everything from scratch or waking up from a 17 year coma. I guess I'm just trying to warn women who feel like outcasts because they lack maternal instinct but decide, usually under pressure, to take this route. You will most likely regret it.
Take it slow! You’ll find the things you love and yourself. But it’s going to take it you still have a fulfilling life to live. Start small & work from there
So sad to read your story :( I think my mom went through something like that, she had depresion and anxiety, she went into therapy for nearly 10 years. Now she is another woman, she discovered that she loves painting and gardening and enjoys watching HBO and Netflix, also she likes traveling with her peers, she is happy now ( she's 70)
My great aunt in law is 75, never married, no children. She says it just didn't happen and she has no regrets at all. I love her attitude and optimism.
I'm 36 with no kids. The only drawback to me is that it seems hard to find a partner that also doesnt want kids. Other than that I'm very happy with my choice.
I'm at the same age and no kids as well. I have also found that men I date or speak to will always try to convince me other wise. Ok, you're not carrying or birthing the child, you have no say. Thanks, bye.
I would think that many men at this age or a bit older already have kids from previous relationships and some would be ok with not having more. Not the case?
Truly, a happy childless woman lifestyle is something very underrepresented in society today. I am 31, currently single, childless, pay my own bills, live alone, have time for all the things that interest me, and live a fulfilled and happy life. But I don't see other women my age doing the same a lot. Almost everyone I know is in a permanent search, or married long time ago, or in a relationship with someone, and usually, these people look at me from the perspective of their (often very entangled and stressful) lives with condescending compassion, like, poor thing, it must be so hard for you to be alone... It's very weird. I wish I had more childfree women around me to be able to relate and share experiences.
I am in a similar situation to you and two years older. I don't meet many women doing the same thing as me. I wish I would meet some and become friends with them. I know more of us are out there
It is hard to be alone. That's why single people keep telling themselves how everybody can be happy , live meaningful life without partner and kids etc. Once, your parents are gone you basically don't have family and friends move with their lives while you stay in the same place as when you were a teen but now you are old.
It's great to know that I'm not the only person for whom having children seems unnatural. I cannot imagine myself as a mother, so I totally get your point of view 🙂
I have two kids and genuinely enjoy them. I think there's nothing better than a trip to the zoo or playground with them. The saddest thing in the world are the parents who aren't enjoying their kids and are just counting down the days for them to grow up and leave the house. People should be opting in to having children, it shouldn't be any sort of a default. Every baby/child/teenager should be wanted and loved.
How do you tell if you want children? I don't know if I want to be a mom... It's the hardest question for me. How do I know if the picture of me beiing a mom is what I want or what society told me to want?
@@t.a.yeah. One way to find out is to babysit your friend's kids and spend some time with them then you will either feel that motherhood is for you or you won't.
@@t.a.yeah.Hi, I can't resonate to things what @vkrgfan had written. I personally didn't like oder children, only from nearest family but also I didn't play with them often. And now, since 3 weeks I'm a mother and from the first second I saw my baby, I think she was perfect and I can't imagine life without her. I have also worried through whole pregnancy: what will happen if I don't like my baby or what will happen if my mother instinct don't activate, isn't to late for a baby etc. But our human body are amazing and everything switched on by itself.
I have not enjoyed being a mother for the first three years, but I absolutely love it now when my child is older. It is not black and white. Being a parent is an interesting life experience which would be a huge pity to miss out on. I feel that I understand now other people a lot better than I did before having a child
I have a friend in her 80s who never had children, I asked if that was planned. Her response was "I was not blessed with children, but in many other ways" I think this is a great way to see our lives. I lam in my 30s childfree by choice and have left my home country to explore, that makes me happy, I have friends my age with children who are equally happy with their life choices. We're all here for a different purpose.
"I was not blessed with children, but in many other ways". I LOVE this. I have the most wonderful husband, friends, and close relationships with family. Looking at life from this perspective is a great antidote for those of us who weren't able to have children, or were never really sure about remaining childfree. Thanks for sharing ❤
The two most surprising things about parenthood for me 1. The productivity. I had my baby while writing my master's thesis, and as a major procrastinator, I was surprised at how much easier it is to use my free time to focus and write. Maybe it's because I know that my quiet time is limited or because, with all my insecurities about motherhood, it's great to do something I'm actually good at and be productive in the old-school way. Who knows... 2. The love I feel for her is really different from anything else. I always thought I was a strong, independent person, but now I'm just not willing to live in a world without her in it, and I'm hoping it never happens. Quite scary, to be honest. I absolutely love being a mother, but I'm so proud of every woman who knows themselves enough to realize it's not for them and stand by their choice against the haters. Let's create a society of happy people choosing their own paths, regardless of traditions and expectations.
I might be having a personal-productivity experience, similar to yours. Before kids, I was ambitious, creative, and hardworking...BUT. I wasn't as fanatical about squeezing every ounce of LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST from every millisecond as I am now, with our two kids (now teens). "Delivering the best Dad services" to them stepped-up my game in the others areas of my life.
I don’t see why it’s such an issue when women choose not to have kids. I did and have four gorgeous kids, and very happy with my choice. Happy for anyone else and their choice. This is what women’s freedoms are about ~ we make our own choices. Go Girls 🎉❤
Interesting no one has a problem with child free men, only with women as always.... But having children is physically so much easier if you're man then woman because man doesn't need to go through the pains of pregnancy & birth...
I think people are put-off by child-free women because it is biologically perverse for a woman not to want to become a mother and a man not to want to contribute to the next generation. It’s just not right! Children are what make life worth living…the joy and hope of the next generation!
Happy parents don't question childfree people. The unhappy parents do. They are jealous and misery seeks company. They wish we would suffer the same way they do
@@TheFabFarmer It’s much better that people are being “perverse” and understand their own limitations, than of them bringing a child or children into this world who are not wanted. There’s millions upon millions of children around the world being neglected, abandoned, abused and killed. Children who are no attended to, cared for, cherished and loved by their parents. It’s heartbreaking. Every child deserves devoted parents, who love them unconditionally and are willing to care for them and provide them the very best conditions to be raised in. Funny how you people who bash childree by choice people don’t ever talk about the awful conditions so many children are born into. You guys only seem to be caring about children when they’re in the womb. Once they’re out, they don’t matter. I never see these lecturers bringing up these factors I mentioned when discussing this topic. You guys love to have a moral superiority over others, and judge them for their decisions but could care less about whether children are actually being cared for properly.
Growing up my biggest fear was getting pregnant, going through childbirth and raising a kid. I'm 30 now and it still feels so terrifying and alien to me. I didn't like children when I was a child, and I don't like them now. And kids don't like me, it's like they can tell. Animals however, I love them all, and they tend to love me, even random wild animals I can easily form a connection with. As much as I can easily connect with adults, small humans are just not my thing. I'll be the weird aunt who teaches them all the shit their parents won't when they're in their teens.
Thank you for emphasizing the personal choice aspect of having children, a beautiful, heartfelt and honest message that I wish more cultures would embrace.
This is such a lovely message and I would like to see the idea of choice being universally embraced. I would never dream of questioning someone who chooses parenthood but I am often questioned about remaining childless - I like the idea of women supporting each other in the choices we make. Thank you for a lovely video
As a woman who's childfree by choice, I actually have asked people why they want children. It started admittedly as a bit of passive-aggressive pushback on the questions I constantly had to field, but then evolved into an open, genuine curiosity. What's fascinating is how many are unable to land on a definitive response - for some, it's just the default option which they haven't deeply questioned. Mind you, there's no 'right' or 'wrong' answer - "I just always wanted a mini-me" or "My ovaries ache when I see babies" or "I'd just love to feel that kind of love" are all valid responses, in my book! But I'm surprised how many people don't even get there. The notion of parenthood as a choice is still foreign to many. Thanks for the great video and I'll check out your article next! 😊
Most of my friends are on a second divorce with kids... I one hundred percent understand things don't work out, and noooooo judgment. I am just grateful my divorce didn't involve children as someone who is the collateral damage to a marriage that really didn't work.
I remember the feeling when I realized - having children is optional?! I didn't see it as a choice other than how many you want to have. When I realized it was a choice a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I love children and I love being an aunt, but I love having a choice of how much time that is and when. I love my creative work and my life so much, I really don't want it to change! I feel like having children would be just to satisfy the norms and expectations of others. I'm so happy that I realized that. Thank you for talking about it so freely! ❤
@@GodSoLoved.Yeshua It's a "natural" process but raising them in this age takes work, sweat, tears, money, and love. 100 years ago I would.have agreed with you
I am 43 and a very happy childfree woman. I had a longlasting relationship for 20 years and in 2020 he broke up with me to be with another woman. I am so glad, that i never had any children with him. I am living my best life without him and any other men and without any children. I got a new job, i bought my own house together with my sister, she is also childfree, and we love together in it with our 7 dogs. Its THE BEST! I am a very introvert person. I love my alone time (reading, doing yoga, playing computer games, watching tv series or youtube), i love being on my own, eating what i want when i want to and only have to care for my dogs and our garden.
Farming has way more value! And we need water defenders Women are keys to climate change. Reduce repurpose and reformation to all lives on this here Earth🎉
Love this topic and video! I am a mom and in my thirties as well. And I appreciate that you highlight the bodily autonomy of choosing to have or not have children, it is an important message that no one should be forced or coerced into being pregnant and giving birth. To answer your questions: YES the love I have for my child is like nothing else, an imperfect analogy for this is like growing a plant from a seed into a fruit tree, but times 1000. I also think the reciprocity of love from a child is unlike any other because they come into it so innocent and free with their affection it brings something into my life that an adult partner cannot do. I see many childfree people experiencing this by being aunts/uncles to relatives or their friends children. I also understand the Christmas time desire for traditions and nostalgia, from my limited time as a mother (my child is almost 2) there is a strong sense of re-living childhood through them, but there is also a really fun aspect of the child creating new traditions and memories. Additionally you nailed the parental guilt on the head, yes there is a twinge of guilt when I'm sitting down to create when I could(should?) be doing xyz for or with my child. I am thankful I have a "go with the flow" kind of personality and though I do still think about and feel the guilt I am able to realize that it will be ok my child with not suffer or love me less if I go out for a few hours and sit at a cafe and write. I have the privilege of having an amazing partner who is equally involved in childcare, and we make it a priority for us each to get time to be autonomous adults in the world each week. Lastly I love the simplicity of your meal plan, and would say that a child does not have to change that at all! Not trying to say thus you should have children but as an encouragement to anyone else who likes this style of eating who does want children. A wonderful bit of wisdom someone shared with me once was that you don't have to change your whole life to fit a child, but you can welcome your child into your life and let them participate in all the things you loved before you had a child. Children are incredibly adaptable and it's a joy to see them learn and grow into who they are. Thank you again for this video and showing a fulfilled childfree life for those who are and for those of us who aren't!
I love everything you said especially about fitting one's children into one's life. Just dropping everything or most things just because one has a kid can also be a recipe for disaster I think. Life is to be enjoyable and indeed enjoyed, with or without kids. I think people can make having a kid harder than it needs to be also. Parenthood can be great also if we heal emotional trauma from childhood.
Thank you for this video! Me and my husband are also in our 30s and we decided not to have kids. We are 100% sure about our choice but I can see how the older we get, the harder it is to find friends, because most people already have children or getting them soon and their lifestyle changes completely. I would really appreciate if you could do a video on this topic - how to find friends/stay connected if you are childfree and most of your peers aren't. I even started to find hard to relate to most of the bloggers of my age because their lifestyle, experiences and life hacks they share are waaay different if they have kids.
i feel the same way, totally agree! even the friends who said they never wanted to have kids, now have kids, and we often grow apart because our lives are so different, or either dont really see each other anymore because people with kids basically dont have time anymore, its hard to find new friends in your 30s.
This is so true!! I can notice a shift or change in my friendships with others who do have kids. Some relationships try to press children as a status symbol which doesn't make me feel good & I distance myself. But I think the best thing that can help is just be a friend & accept them despite all these changes. I think if we choose to keep people close to our hearts a friendship can last, as long as the intentions are reciprocated :)
@@lcgibson yes! So true! Even with my sister it’s become harder since she had a baby, especially considering that we live in different countries. Makes me so sad 😭
@@bimsdawns I agree. But time that we are spending together with friends also counts, and it’s harder to find it when they are with kids + they start to have other friends with kids who they spend time with more because of their similar lifestyle.
I’m 48 and child free by choice and have never regretted it. Children honestly overwhelm me. I love being able to move if and when I like, traveling when I want and eat when and what I want without worrying about the care of children. I like having the flexibility of being child free. I love being able to spend time on things I love. I have never wanted to have kids, hold kids, raise them, etc. There are so many beautiful types of love and children are their own people, they may never love their parents the way the parents hope. I have seen many struggle with that. Love is a choice.
I’m a big supporter of women choosing to be childfree - though ironically I am watching this while nursing my one month old baby. Pregnancy and parenthood are such immense, irreversible life events; I believe no one should do it unless they desperately want to (I did!). Some points from my experience so far that I’ll add to the discourse: I don’t feel like the core of my identity has changed, though my roles and responsibilities certainly have. I may be sleep deprived, but I’m still as into my passions, hobbies and creative work as ever. I’m focused on caring for my child’s needs, while devising ideas for projects I hope to undertake when things are more settled and making a list of restaurants for future date nights sans-baby with my husband (thanks grandma!). Secondly, I feel like having children can also keep you young in some ways. I may not be painting the town red, but my evenings are filled with more play and silly songs than I can ever remember. People who truly have a youthful spirit will be able to find their fun, with or without children.
as many compromises as you have to make, they certainly bring things into perspective, in a really wonderful amd selfless way. i imagine it has the same kind of rewards as being a care worker, but a lot more cheerful! (my bub is 1.5 and ive gone through the whole gamut of emotions on the topic)
I’m 42 and my son is 18 😊 when his friends see us together they often ask him to introduce his girlfriend (i.e.me 😝) to them and when they find out that I’m his mom they are usually shocked. And it happens in different countries 🙂 We lived in Ukraine and now we live in the UK - the situation is the same so far 😅😊 Also the moment your child goes to school you begin to have more and more time for yourself and your relationships with the husband. We thought about the second child but we became so selfish and ambitious 🙄 so now it’s hard to persuade ourselves to sacrifice our time one more time 🤪 However I couldn’t allow myself be child free - I would be unhappy definitely. But I respect conscious choice of others not to have children.
Painting the town red-what a Wonderfull saying. Never heard it! Now it will be part of my childfree AND not very party like life....:) Love to everyone!
There is still so much judgement and societal pressure around being child free. I don’t think I could cope with the lifelong anxiety of worrying for another human in such an intense way. Thank you for putting this message out in such a positive way. 💜
Just turned 40. Still happily childfree. I see how much time, energy, worry and stress goes into being a mom from watching my friends and sister and I don't think I could handle it on top of all my existing anxieties. I love being an Auntie though.
I’m 48 and CF. I feel like a dodged a nuclear warhead! I do enjoy kids (in small doses) but I never wanted to be a mother. I’m also an artist and gardener so I feel like I have a legacy and that I’m a creator. I look and feel ten years younger. I have freedom and agency over my life. I get to sleep, cook whatever whenever, only clean up after myself, and have a social life. It’s really awesome! We’ve been lied to all this time!!!! Being a spinster cat lady is delicious! Only people who truly want, and can provide for, children should have them. They should be the ones who have to justify that, as kids deserve a loving stable environment. ❤
Feels. I don't have it in me to go any more burials. I don't want that call bout a skool pop off. Men make the world violent. Can't assure kids safety. Helpless hopeless and feel homeless spiritually ina world that hates colored ppl. Can't undo nor fix inequality
As someone who (happily) has two kids, I think your take is very accurate :) All of the drawbacks of having kids that you mention are definitely real, for me personally it still feels worth it and I adore my kids, but I also understand the appeal of not having children. I think for those who feel a deep longing to be parents, having kids is worth it, and for those who are sure they don't want them, it's not. I don't know what I would tell someone who is on the fence about it. I feel like once you have a child, you won't say you shouldn't have had them because it's like saying you wish this person that you love very much was never born. But are you truly happier than you would have been childfree? Not necessarily. Anyways Jenny, this is an important conversation and I'm glad you're talking about it. Also, Okay Days was awesome! Book of the year for me for sure (not that I have read that many since I hardly have any time to read because of my children :)))
It's so true, someone in their mid20s asked me what I thought about having kids and they were trying to decide and the first thing I said is "The big thing is you can never go back once you have them." Almost every choice in our life is reversible but children is not one of them. I think the ghost ship problem is very real, you're always wondering what the parallel you would be doing and it's a paradox, you'll never have the answer.
Jenny, I didn't know you had an article out! I'll dash to read it right after finishing this comment. The thing with age you mention occurred to me just recently. People tend to think I'm 15 years younger and it happened to me many times that they were shocked when they knew my real age. I don't think it has anything to do with maturity or responsibility. As an oldest child of unreliable egocentric parents I was helping with the household chores and I was responsible for my siblings to a certain degree. I just think the actual pregnancy and labor exhausts the body and adds to the aging process. This time you didn't mention the thing that many people say about us childfree people: that we're selfish. Well, I was unfortunate to have a narcissist father and an immature egocentric mother. None of them were selfless or loving. Having children was their choice but both of them made the choice based on wrong reasons. He wanted offspring to brag with. She wanted dolls to play with. Based on what I saw around me during my life I don't believe parent love comes automatically. Neither does the responsibility. To conclude this rant, I'm happily child free woman and I'm grateful for my life.
YES! i am often called selfish for not wanting kids.. the funny thing is, when you ask why people choose to have kids, they often reply "because I want to", "I dont wanna be alone when im old", "whos gonna take care of me when i get old?" etc. and many similar responses... the reason is very, very often about themselves, not the actual kids, which to me is selfish, so choosing not to get kids should logically be the opposite, not selfish :) I am childfree by choice too :)
I find the age thing interesting as well. I usually get guessed for younger than my age too, and so does my best friend who is also child free. Thats another perk
Loved your book and so grateful for your voice on this. I too have chosen not to have children and at 52, I have zero regrets. Thank you for raising awareness for other women who may feel like something is wrong with them for not wanting children. Something is wrong with all the parents out there who don’t take the responsibility seriously. Enjoy your chosen lifestyle. ❤
Recently 40 and super happy with my partner and no children. I love the freedom it allows us to experience life, to travel, to grow as humans. I’m also super grateful to have nieces and excited to do Christmas with them for the nostalgia and tradition you mentioned. But I honestly think the decision not to have kids was the best one for me. One tough moment for me though was when I told a very good friend that I didn’t want to have kids and she told me “I don’t think you should give up yet,” which really hurt. I didn’t feel seen in that moment at all.
I’m 38 and I have two young kids and I enjoy them every single day so much it’s hard to put in words! I became a mom at age 35 so I did experience my 30s without children and those years I travelled the world with my husband, went on girl trips with my friends, went to music festivals and so much more. But I have to say as much as it’s hard sometimes to balance life when you have kids I enjoy doing stuff with my kids a million times more! I’ve experienced love the way I never knew possible before having them! I am a career woman and my career is very important to me but nothing gives me purpose as much as my kids do! If you understand and accept that your lifestyle has changed after becoming a parent and learn to enjoy your new lifestyle rather than hanging onto your old child-free lifestyle, then you realize how amazing having children can be. I would choose a chaotic but full of love and laughter home every single day! Being a mom is my most precious role in life!
I don’t think anyone should be a parent unless they have actively thought out the possibility of having a disabled child. If you feel uncomfortable as an adult around other adults with disabilities, you are not prepared for parenting. And if your next thought is “I’d rather not then”, then it’s ok to own it. Just now you know your next step in personal growth.
I'm tired and sad about beeing attacked if I dare say I don't want to be a mother. I don't hate children and never will be hating children. I just don't want the day to day. Thank you for voicing this! My husband and I are so happy to be together and none of us wishes to be parents (we both were very open about this when meeting eachother, that's so important!).
I am 34. Happily married. Child-free. I have always been open-minded as to having kids of my own or none at all. I recently found out that I and my husband may not be able to have kids of our own. And I told a friend that I’m okay with it. I love babies, and as a couple we would be happy to have just one, but why would we push it too hard. Besides it is out of our control. The response from one of my friends was unexpected. I was told that "one of the main purpose of marriage is multiplication". So what about those who just can’t have one? 😅 Oh well… I guess my husband and I are destined for a different kind of multiplication. 😊
I'm so sorry that you had to endure this comment, wow, people can be so insensitive 😢 I love your attitude, thank you for sharing your story. I hate when people equate marriage and family to having children. But those comments say more about them and their notion of life purpose. May you and your partner live the happy life that you want 😊
Similar position here. We were told we would need IVF to have kids and I was not down for that at all. We feel quite happy without kids and we've lived this way for over 10 years. We're happy if it did happen, but it's not looking likely. There's always adoption but I don't think we are 100% on that either. I know we'd be great at parenthood but we're also happy just being the two of us, having money, and going on vacations.
I'm 35 and childfree by choice. I have a dog who I love very much and truly enjoy caring for, but this choice really solidified my decision to remain child free because caring for other creatures is time consuming, expensive, and can be difficult. Luckily all I had to worry abt is training my dog to be an excellent dog and get along with other people and animals. A child is much harder haha.
I had commented on your podcast episode with David discussing me being happy child-free and someone responded to ME saying they don't believe me that I am happy without children. I swear the people who insist I need children to be happy are trying to convince THEMSELVES.
Right? Because how dare a parent actually voice their true feelings that parenting sucks a lot of the time, especially thru the teenage years. There was a study done on happiness and parents ranked their lives as the most miserable compared to single adults and those without kids. I freaking love my freedom to choose adult content tv shows and movies and never, ever have to worry that someone in my house can hear my husband and me getting freaky in the sheets! LOL
Always a neutral and beautiful perspective into this topic, Jenny. I also discovered at a very young age that I had 0 interest in becoming a mother. I did not choose it, it just was and still is the case. Love and hugs to all mothers out there, especially mine, who always respected my decision to not have children and supported me until her very last day.
First time mom here, my baby is 11 months now and I really underestimated being a parent. Responsibility of caring for another human comes hand in hand with anxiety for me. Like you said, all the things you influence as a parent and all the things you can 'mess up'. And I still cannot get used to being called "mom". And yes, I really miss traveling without kids. Everything feels rushed, because yes everything takes so much time. Don't get me wrong, I do not feel regret! Not at all! I love my baby to bits, but I can get behind all of your reasons to be child free :) It's a huge adjustment and it takes getting used to. For me at least.
I’m not a mother. But having one I just wanted to just send a little reminder (I’m sure you realise) but the fact that you are worrying caring that much means you are doing great already. Hope you grow to feel more comfortable in the role as time goes 🫶
I’m not a mom yet (but in a few months!), but to be honest I’ve never understood why we can’t have regrets. I’m bracing myself because I know that I’ve always been a very independent soul and having a child will change that completely and I can’t just do what I want to do anymore. For me, that’s a big sacrifice and I’m sure there’ll be those night-feedings where I’m honestly regretting everything. And to me, that’s perfectly natural; you can’t give something meaningful up without regretting it sometimes. How I hope I’ll deal with it, though, is that I’ll remind myself that the reward is worth the sacrifice. But yeah, I wish women weren’t so hard on themselves; I’ve heard from multiple of my male friends who are new fathers that there are certainly times where they regret having to change their lives around, but they still think it’s worth it. I’ve never heard any of my female friends tell me this and it seems like they’re almost ashamed to not be 1000% into their new roles as mothers all the time.
@@consberg1990my bub is 16 months and absolutely can relate! i think the most daunting aspect i didn't know about that would have helped - is that the input vs reward scales are completely tipped in opposite directions at the start - the first few months are by FAR the hardest, and you don't yet have all the experiences yet to know how much it WILL be worth it. babies get easier and exponentially more rewarding, into a realm that's beyond the experience of pets after the first year...because they're human and we can communicate more easily with them. just be reassured that the hardest parts come FIRST, it only gets better after that, all my doubt and anxiety fell away as i came to realise that. i imagine that's why people generally find having a second kid is easier, they KNOW it's worth it from experience ❣️
I can totally relate, as a mother of 3year old twins. First year with them was a real rollercoaster and I found myself often regretting their existence, which made me feel guilty. It took me almost two years to come back to build my new identity, as a mother but also as ME, in this new situation. I have an impression that many of my friends fell into their new role with ease, they embraced it from the beginning. I definitely needed more time but it's normal too!
I'm a mother to 3 healthy children. I started off young, and I had my first at 17 years old. I'm 31 now, and I remember when I was 17, I wanted to settle down. I felt the pressure of going to college, working, and partying. Blah blah blah, but all I wanted to do at that very moment, that season was to be a mom. I did not have the right person by my side, so it was not realistic to do so. Now I have the right person by my side, and I'm enjoying every bit of motherhood. I enjoy the park days, the early mornings, children's books, playdates, pancake days, and snuggles. I can't imagine a life of childfree because I was so young when I had my first. I don't regret it, though, because I get to see a part of me in my 13 year old. ❤❤❤❤
You were strong yo block societal pressures to go to college and party. I had my first one at 31, and when I tried for a second one, Mother nature said it was too late!
My hubby and I (40 & 38), love our child free life. I was never a kid person anyway, so never really wanted any. We get to pursue our creative goals, travel the country, do what we want when we want, exercise, save money (barely. Another reason kids would be out of the question), & wake up at noon and learn to play the sitar 😂 It’s annoying when people talk about a “love” you’ll never know. Very presumptuous & self centered. I always just think “Before reproducing, you never knew deep, real love with anyone or for anything, or in any moment (like meditating)? How sad.” It’s all just a neurochemical trick anyway. You’re literally addicted to your offspring with massive dumps of oxytocin & dopamine, somewhat similar to the honeymoon phase of a relationship, or certain drugs 🤷♀️
I'm a therapist and I can't tell you how many women are devastated in their 40s/50s when they are coming to terms with never having children. It's definitely possibly to be happy without kids, but I think it is for a very finite few.
If people are gonna come for child-free women then they better come for "eligible bachelors" as well. A child-free lifestyle was never an issue until women did it too. The double standard is real.
i found the first point heart wrenching to consider not having the gift of being able to rear and love the purest most loving human this life can give you.
Thank you for your perspective. I am 24 but I know I want to be a mother . I want my identity to morph overtime . I want to use all I’ve learnt to pour into to my future babies . I believe mothering is part of the superpower of being a woman . It’s okay for us to have different perspectives & not judge one another ❤
I am 52 and childfree. Just as you It has Been a choice since ever. And now i feel so Good No regrets at all and feeling sad for some of my friends who seem to be in «jail » but they cannot say so to relatives bcause of the bad reactions 😔 Thanks for this kind of videos 🙏🏼
I was child-free until 40 years old. My husband and I were able to spend our thirties riding his motorcycle across the country and I enjoyed the freedom and lifestyle before having my daughter. It's been very interesting being a mom in my 40s. I feel like I'm finally ready and secure enough to raise a kid, even though my body feels like it's falling apart sometimes. It's actually been easier to limit the stresses of life being an older mom. Parenting helps limit the things I really care about. I really don't regret waiting and I don't regret having my daughter either.
I appreciate you sharing your honest and thoughtful perspective on being happily childfree in your 30s. It's so important to normalize and celebrate women making this valid life choice, as it's still too often stigmatized or seen as selfish. You make excellent points about how not having children allows you to fully focus on your passions, creative work, and relationship without the immense responsibilities of parenting. It's wonderful that you feel fulfilled by the love in your life as is. I admire how you acknowledge that while the parent-child bond is unique, that doesn't diminish the depth and beauty of other forms of love, like what you share with your partner. Everyone should be free to choose the path that allows them to live authentically and joyfully, whether that includes kids or not. Wishing you all the best as you continue thriving and doing what makes you happy!
I'm 34 this year, single & childfree. When I see my friends with children, it makes me feel irksome. When it comes to men from online, most already have children but they claim to be single dads with x and x amount of children who wanna get to know me and bla bla bla. What I do is, after they tell me that - I'll just ignore them and their messages because for a simple reason I'm not crazy about children. Not I don't feel bad about that.
Thanks for talking about this Jenny. It's a very important topic. In my case, I'm not sure how to catalogue myself. I don't have children but my circumstances are not so straight forward. I'm neither a child free person that knew her entire life that didn't want to be a mom, nor a person that dreamed to have a child since I was a child myself. To be honest, I never thought about having children or being a mom. Neither like "yes, I want to" nor "no, I don't want to". I just didn't think about it at all. Then, at the end of my thirties, I met my husband and after a couple of years being together we decided to try to become parents. We tried for a couple of years, IVF treatments included, and nothing happened. Finally, after one ectopic pregnancy we decided to stop trying and I've been a 100% sure and happy with our decision. I love the life we have, both individually and together. I'm really happy and I don't feel bad at all about not having children. In fact, sometimes I feel grateful that it didn't happen because there are so many things that I'm doing/looking forward to do that would be really difficult or impossible to do with children. And to be honest, if we had really wanted to have a child, there were things we could have done (adoption, egg donation, etc.). We have chosen not to do that. However, I find myself struggling a little bit with the fact that I don't feel I fit. I haven't been able to find representation for my circumstances. Most people either have children or decided not to have them. Or were not able to have them and feel bad about it or sad. I don't belong to any of those groups and sometimes it feels lonely not being able to find someone that understand my circumstances. Anyway, listening to you, although our situations are different, helps a little bit. Sorry for the long comment but maybe there is someone else reading that is in the same spot I am and this might help them.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am 30 yrs and have felt the same about kids as you. Never particulary wanted kids but also did not despise the idea. Lots of my female friends say that they knew they wanted to be a mother ever since they were young. They are now stressing over finding a partner and getting kids before its too late. I choose to not engage in that stress. I try to just see whatever happens and will be content with that outcome. I can see a life ahead of me without kids that would be fulfilling and happy. But also having a kid could be nice as well, if its with the right person. Also; studys say that people without kids end up to be happier that people with kids. Soooo... ;)
@@lzlzlz347 Thank you, really, for sharing this. I can totally relate to what you said. I felt exactly the same when I was 30. I'm 42 now and, although the time when I tried to conceive was really stressful and horrible, I feel really happy and at peace now, so you are right. Whatever happens with you, you will be ok 🙂. Thank you again. It feels really really nice to find someone I can relate to 💜.
I love this video. Thank you. I am a 51 year old child-free woman who has absolutely zero regrets for not having children. I never had any want to be a mother at any time in my life. If ever there was a choice between holding a baby or holding a puppy, Puppy would win hands down! And yes I do have a furbaby. My four year old dog brings me all the joy I could ever want ! 🐶 Oh and on a sidenote, I also eat the same thing day in and day out and I love it!! And the ironic thing is, I am a professionally trained chef!!
I am 35 and childfree by choice as well. Like you I already knew I did not want to be a mom when I was a child, and this never changed, regardless of other women telling me it would. And it should be okay like that. My life is fun and my work is fulfilling. I do not think I'd be a good parent, not everyone is suitable to have children either. I believe not every man or woman was meant to procreate, I think. If we all did, the earth will soon be crawling with hungry humans and too little food, too much waste, too little drinkable water, more war, etc.. We should all be more accepting that not everyone is the same. People can have 10 kids by choice or have none by choice. Live and let live. ☮
I’m 35 with no kids and thriving 😊 I used to have this urge to have a kid at 25 but since haven’t met the one to raise kids with at the time, I learned to live with … but at 30 I realized I just didn’t want to and still don’t… I see how my fiends struggle with it, don’t get me wrong they love it but it’s a struggle. I learned to live happily by myself😊 I love my nephews and spoil them but I just don’t see myself being a mom anymore. Much love for moms ❤
I'm 38 and so happy with my choice of being childfree : it brings so much freedom and spontaneity to my life. Your thougths are totally making sense to me, especially the food-prep one 😅 Thank you for this video 🙏
My dad's cousin, now 90, did not marry or have children. She devoted her life to being a midwife and is finishing out her life in the house where she was born. She has had a full life. I had four boys, the youngest died at 19, the eldest has a brain injury from a car crash. I devoted my life to them at the expense of any career of my own, and here I am at 60 on my own. I gave them a far better bringing up than my parents did me, so there is that. For people who don't have children there are so many children in the world who are in need of guidance as their parents can't be bothered, there is much that child free folks can give back.
Hmm...a giant part of the Child Free experience appears to be "enjoying their own life". In my opinion, that's CERTAINLY a worthy goal. Why would they add some jerk's abandoned kids to their polished experience? Also, my compliments to you on providing your kids with excellent parenting.
I’m 29, child free, and LOVE my life. My partner (32) and I were playing a couple’s question game last week, and one question was what do you love most about your life? He answered: the freedom that I have. My jaw dropped and I screamed, THAT’S MY ANSWER! I’m so happy that we’re on the same page to not have children. Our lives are so peaceful. I do not have the capacity to have a little human come in and change my way of life, my body, my finances, or anything else that will never be the same after becoming a mother.
My wife and I made the call to not have kids over a decade ago and have no regrets. On my lunch break one Friday in May, I text my wife to pack an overnight bag and our passports. I picked her up outside Dublin after work and by 9pm we were in Paris. I booked the flights and hotel 5 minutes before texting. We're currently floating the idea of moving to Berlin. Try doing that with kids.
44 years old and childfree. I have never wanted children. I grew up in a fundamentalist cult, so I always thought I would have children, and I was dreading it. When I left the cult I immediately decided I would never have children, and I have never regretted that decision. I have a wonderful husband and a small farm. To be honest, I'm kind of even done with a lot of the farm stuff. I would really like to have a lot less responsibility and a lot more freedom. I can't even imagine how frustrated I would be if I had the responsibility of a child. I treasure my time alone, and I crave silence. These most valued things in my life would be completely gone if I had children. I am so happy to be child free.
I'm 40 with no kids. I'm really happy and feel fulfilled with my life without them, but at 39, I had a moment of 'Am I making the right choice?' When the opportunity starts to fade and your decision becomes permanent, it's scary :) After a lot of consideration and talking with my husband, I'm again certain of this choice.
Jenny, next video could be all the weekly Mustards' recipes. Every time there is a meal b-roll in your videos, I pause and try to figure out, what ingredients might be in them. Please share them, this could be a seasonal series, like the hauls and anti-hauls :) This one was again very important about the choice of being childfree. I've never felt the calling. Taking care of myself and the loved ones around me are more than enough. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and I would be anxious all the time, what I could do wrongly or if I repeat the pattern of my toxic parents.
First of all, I just ADORE your videos , your aesthetics, your honesty , your sense of humor! Everything. I feel that this video can be the base of so much to talk about! I am a mother of a 5 year old girl, and all I hear is why don't you have another one? A friend of mine that has 4 children hears "when will you stop????".My sister is childfree and they do not consider her as an accomplished woman, although she excels in her professional life and she is totally happy. All I am trying to say , is that us women never win..Whatever our choice is, someone will be there to criticise. It is called patriarchy. All we can do is fight against it, and support other people's choices!
My favorite part of this video begins at time index 4:04, where you talk about what you're doing with your life with all the extra time. I have two kids, and I haven't experienced any regret that they're here, AND I manage to have a ton of time to create. I'd like to see more about your "changing the world for the better" pursuits.
I once wrote an article on my (French) blog that loosely translated was called: "I'm a mom therefore you should be one too" - an ironic title of course about drawing conclusions from your own life choices and projecting them on other people. I never understand this. In the same way I don't understand people arguing whether a room is painted a nice color or not. It's all in the eye of the beholder. To me having kids was my biggest dream in life. For some of my friends, it would have been a nightmare. We understand each other perfectly. ❣
Hope I find my David, too! Super sweet. As others have said, it’s harder to find the man that also wants to remain child free. So many men turn 40 and suddenly want a family when it feels too late for us women late 30’s, low 40’s.
I am married with two kids and very happy with this decision. As I watch your videos, it totally makes sense to me that you don’t have children. There is no need to force oneself into wanting children when your life is perfect the way it is. But I know many women (and also some men) who are not childfree but childless, because they wanted to have an own family but did not meet the right partner at the time. And sometimes the grief of these persons is palpable.
I get a lot of rude comments by older people who almost seem to pity me for being single and child free at 30. But i love my life - I have the freedom to pursue my academic dreams. No regrets.
I think it's so great that you are talking about this subject 👍 my husband and me are child free and most people either assume I already have children or tell me I should 🙈 it's important to normalise women choosing to not have children and also making it less difficult for women that can't have children but still get the same things said to them 😢
You know, you said: I know the feeling of “I would die for you!” kind of love? Now imagine a “I will live for you!!…” kind of love, and there you have it.
love this... I hope anyone who decides to have or not to have kids is super happy. I think everyone should be free to decide what's best. Also, some people find themselves childless not through choice, but by accident, or because of fertility issues. I love the reflections you provide on this topic, because social discourse on this is generally not very inclusive/balanced, but your discussion is.
As someone with kids on the cusp of adulthood, it's like my career/life are just about to start again and part of me has just been in hibernation. I'll never know what might have been over those years and I hope there are enough left to pursue my own dreams again.
I never wanted to have children then suddenly changed my mind in my mid 30's. However, as much as I love my family, to be honest, I wouldn't recommend having kids unless you really really want to.
As a 47 year old who spent my 20s and 30s reassuring everyone in my life that I would not be changing my mind about not having kids, I'm glad this topic is finally making its way into a bigger conversation. I love seeing all the parents in the comments being so understanding of those of us who don't want to be parents. That has not always been the reaction.
37 man with no kids here, very lucky to have a wife who is happy to be the same. I am a very supportive friend to all my friends who have children, and I have to say, seeing their lives up close always reinforces my decision to be child-free. I have too many other goals and too little interest in subsuming my time to the needs of another person. Parenthood is sacrifice, and unless you are very wealthy it is an absolute slog. I respect people who make that choice consciously.
The only thing that has made me think about having a kid is my relationship with my mom. And maybe seeing a dog play with a baby. But at the end of the day, when you are a parent you are 24/7 and not only on some cute random moments.
I genuinely related to EVERYTHING you said. As an aspiring author myself who currently has a day job and writes in my free time, that already eats up any extra time I might have. I am determined to be a published author, and I admire anyone who can do both that and parenting, but I highly doubt I'll be able to. I already barely have time for anything else, and I refuse to give up on my dream. This is only one of the many reasons I have to remain childfree, but it is a significant one. As for you talking about guilt, that also applies to me, but more so in that I want to be a good sister, daughter and friend. I feel like with the extra burden of having to parent someone, I won't be able to fill those roles as well as I could without kids. I also do have mental health issues, so it makes things extra challenging. I just know in my heart I won't be able to juggle parenthood on top of everything else, and I'd rather make peace with that than harm a future child by not being the parent they deserve.
65 here. No kids-zero regrets. I had a career that would have made kids almost impossible and I’m fine with that. Im enjoying the fabulous fashion show in this vid. Can’t have nice pretty things with a bunch of snot eaters running around messing everything up. Amirite?! 👍🏼♥️
I've never wanted to be a parent, but I like kids. I just feel I'm more of the "uncle" type. I have really small cousins and it's fun to take trips with them and babysit them, but it's also great to wave goodbye and get to just leave them to their parents care. I had a very romantisised idea of parenthood before I spent 24h alone in a cabin taking care of one hyper energetic 3year old and a 1year old. Parents of small kids really do need a break every now and then, no matter how much they love their kids, and society should support that in every way possible. I'm an extreme introvert. I've always dreamed about owning a big home where my friends could also live, but this summer after fostering a resque cat, I learned that even she was too much company for me and I just need to have a space that's completely mine and where I can be completely alone. My mental health othervice takes a nosedive. So I've needed to reflect on my dreams again and to realise that some of them are cultural expectations of "no one wants to be alone" etc.and not aligned with my core beliefs and just me being the way I am. I've also fantasised always about becoming a hermit living in a cabin in the woods by myself, and that truly feels like what I want/need. So some of us don't even want a David, or well, I have my bestfriends who I love dearly, but I wouldn't want to live with them. My plants and books are the perfect amount of company for me.
I'm a closeted childfree person. The people here will judge if I tell them I don't want kids. My friend already told me to have kids so I won't be alone when I'm old and useless. But having kids for the sake of having someone to nurse me at old age is incredibly selfish.
This helped me a lot with figuring out if I REALLY wanted kids. I’ve been teetering around the idea for years, some days I’d think about it and like the idea. But after a bit I started thinking about the responsibilities and the MANY many ways that situation and life could go but honestly I’ve always resonated & identified and felt my most happiness with the idea of just being alone/being with my partner or at most being a dog/cat dad 😅
I am close to 40 and childfree exactly for all reason mentioned in this video. I had comfortable life growing up but I found life still not easy and I'm so glad I didnt get married or have kids as I age more I get more and more aware of my limitations and having a kid requires tremendous responsibility and sacrifice.
My experience is: Yes, I feel guilty if I spend my time only doing what I like, specially if I'm doing something what is just for me and specialy if I'm doing that regularly. (for example, going to a little holiday alone every year and enjoy my time or buying something just for me) Yes, I absolutely understand you, responsability is overwhelming. Amount of love I feel for my children is not easy to describe. It's million times stronger than any other type of love. I understand completely everything you talk about❤️ Having children brings huge responsibility and many of our own traumas are coming to surface so it's demanding on many ways. But I can not imagine my life without them, they brought so much joy to me, I became different person but that new person is stronger, more grounded and more brave. And so proud of two beautiful souls which chose me to be their mom. The only thing I'm sad about your not-having - a-child decision, is that this world need more creative, brave and beautiful people like you two, and your child would be a combination of two of you which means : a gift to this world. But I understand and support your decision. Sending love and big hugs to you, beautiful Jenny ❤️
I love this topic! I’m also in my 30s and happily married and joyfully childfree! I love my life and the time and peace I enjoy every day. Truthfully, I do not enjoy the company of children - I wish them no harm, but I can’t stand them lol! That being said, I am a strong supporter of initiatives and programs that support parents, like parental leave, workplace childcare, etc. happy and health families benefit everyone.
I have 4 pups. They make me happy. I love them as my babies. I never wanted kids... never imagined being a mom at all. My friends with kids are miserable. I feel free and at peace.
I'm 34 and also child free by choice and can absolutely relate! I question myself whether I'm making the right choice often simply cuz I don't know almost anyone who makes same conscious choice and feel out of space. So simply watching you talk about your choice of being child free gives an immense support! Thank you for sharing!
We got kids very late in life (42&45 at second child, my partner 47 & 50 respectively) so I know both lifestyles very well. And I think as magical as having children can be , really impossible to understand before, I loved my old life and I understand how having children without full commitment and passion could create resentment cause it’s just so challenging. So choice is key.
Was it REAL hard to parent at a later age? I'm 34 now, have fertility issues and think about when to stop trying (I mean when it's too late already to handle such a hard task).
