Don’t forget, you have to find yourself through God before you go looking for a wife or husband. Be the person you would want to spend your entire life with.
Amen but it’s honestly all up to God and His mysterious ways. It’s always his timing. My wife and I met before we were believers and Jesus changed our lives YEARS later. 2 separate encounters.. sometimes it happens when we least expect
@@Kryillebecause god loves us all no matter if we turn our backs on him or not. Me and my girlfriend turned our backs on god before we met and through our trials and tribulations we have found our way back to him as a unit on our own as individuals but also at the same time. Very weird but very blessed to have been forgiven and to be able to repent to do better is a great honor that i have been bestowed
This gives language to what Holy Spirit has been talking to me about. It seems like both genders see each other as either a dating pool to explore romantically or a stumbling block to stay away from. We need to learn to socialize in church as brothers and sisters in Christ before starting to identify each other as future mates. Not everyone we interact with from the opposite gender is a potential mate. Others God sent our way to purely be our friends. May God help us❤
There’s something here. . . And I would add a caution that communicating “I want to be your friend” when you know you like someone and are interested in a “friend in a relationship” is very kind. Just telling a woman that you want to be friends with her knowing that you like her in a non-platonic way is confusing and NOT clear. I don’t know who said it, but clarity is kindness. Why not just let a woman know I’m interested in getting to know you. Getting to know you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. If you tell me you want to be my friend, I’m like cool. We can be friends but I’m going to keep meeting other people who might want to be more than friends some day. I’m not rushing out to sleep with them, but at least a man who tells me I’m interested in you gets a gold star for being real. “Friends” between two people who meet in a non-platonic context and then get a “let’s be friends” is a nice “I’m not interested in you” message. Just my interpretation . . . And I add for context that I know and 1000% agree that friendship is paramount to a successful long term relationship.
Yeah that can be a minefield. The annals of my life are littered with broken friendships where a gal wanted to up the ante on our friendship and I was not interested in going that route. Once that cat is out of the bag it aint going back.
@@cobrabosse I'd like to add to that context: we're also called to let Jesus redeem and transform whatever cultural processes we take part in. I assume that's what the original commenter meant by "higher standard"
@@jamesmccraw7245 Usually, when secular people say "dating," what that means is an exclusive relationship between two people who regularly have sex. Courting is more focused with the goal of marriage under the blessing of the Lord.
A friend is a friend and while a lover is also a friend, it's not the same kind of "friend" as a friend. It's not wise to not have boundaries between the two. If there is actual romantic-level physical attraction between you then you should not be friends at all because it will always be a threat to you actual relationships. People know when they like a person "like that" and it's best to never put them in a friends place, it can create a lot of unnecessary confusion and crossed signals and heartbreak for no reason. Be a man or a woman and just ask the person out and get to know them with intention.
Exactly. This is why I despise this kind of advice. This, sanitized, conformist, gummy bear christianity that is influenced by the world rather than the other way around. This probably came from a well-meaning place but it causes extreme damage. I know because I was harmed by applying it until I actually read my bible and understood its message concerning these matters.
@@Da-Iceman. If you look at the old testament and saw how the saints came across their women, you’d see that the whole “make sure you’re a friend before making her your gf/fiance/wife thing doesn’t work” Especially if you look at the analogy of Christ relationship with us (The Church) which mirrors husband and wife. I’d within the 60 books, reading the old testament story of Isaac and how he found his wife is a good example. Furthermore, read the testament of Ruben, a book that was taken out of our modern bibles, that’s probably the clearest scripture on that matter
Dont think your comment really contradicts his advice.. hes talking about being upfront and honest about your intentions, but prioritising building the base of the relationship as a friendship. Therefore the criticism of “confusion, crossed signals and heartbreak” doesnt apply.
If you haven't heard today... You are so very loved and you are so very worthy of love. The hardest part is learning to love yourself and to know: it's not all your fault, and to see: that you're beautiful; wonderfully perfectly brilliantly created. You're stronger than most; a true leader/warrior in the making. Keep going and keep thanking. Remember Jesus was an outcast and he suffered more than any human being could ever endure... And the most important message here is to forgive them and to forgive yourself and to love all. Keep walking in truth. AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER: I am one with the Divine. I experience, peace, BLISS, love, and joy: CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY. I experience everything as grace AND AS LOVE. I am at peace. I honor the Divine within me.
Loved that part about boundaries and how if we can trust each other and ourselves to set those boundaries before marriage, we can trust each other with the boundaries that come with marriage
You have to be clear about the fact that you are here for marriage. The friend zone or the brozone are not places you can get out of at will. Don't go there in the first place. I have been a born again Christian for 14 years and all this has gotten me into was friendzone after friendzone and they all proceed to go and marry someone who doesn't bother will all this protocol. I guess it's time to radically change my strategy. They say that "nice guys" finish last and I learned the hard way that it isn't different in the Church. If you are there for courtship, do courtship if she aligns with a godly lifestyle, don't waste time being people's friends and hoping to be promoted to a romantic position somewhere down the line, that is a recipe for disaster.
That means those women weren't ever meant for you to begin with. Keep in mind that while it's uncommon, SOME Christians are not called to be married. The Apostle Paul actually teaches that it is BETTER to be unmarried. I would say that if you're struggling with marriage, you might take a break from seeking it for the time being.
Oh this is so beautiful. I'm nearly 29, never been in a relationship, never really even desired one until recently. I'm at a point when I don't have close friends, let alone anything close to a romantic relationship and my heart is yearning for deep connection and companionship. How can I change that? I often cry myself to sleep because of the loneliness..
I hope you may have not been scared in your past to just put yourself out there. But look to the lord for guidance and trust him. No one is perfect and we all have to learn lessons along the way it’s all for his glory. But nonetheless just put yourself out there it’s the only way and let god take care of the rest but use your discernment to make the right decision.
@@lilpump880 thanks! Actually I suffered from deep depression and anxiety for years (late teens up to mid 20s) which made me self-isolate for the most part. But I've been wanting to change that for quite some time now, but I'm not looking for shallow relationships but ones based on deep connection, vulnerability and trust. Recently I got briefly involved with a guy who's not a Christian (wasn't planning to, just happened), and I ended up brokenhearted, though I know it's for the best. I don't even know where to meet people (Christian men and women more less my age who are genuine Jesus followers). In my church fellowship they're middle aged and married (almost) or kids.
Can you get plugged in to community groups at your church/find a new church with a younger population? It’s been super helpful for me in finding friends recently since I moved somewhere new
Ask God for a companion to come into your life and truly believe they will as God is infinite and can bring anything into your life that you ask. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and the person that seeketh findeth; and to them that knocketh it shall be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24
Its okay to ask for a partner but just make sure you don’t fall into lust or sexual immorality. That is why it is important for you to work on your relationship with God first. And go with a partner who is also a Christian, choose a godly relationship over a worldly relationship.
This was so good to listen to. Wow. Love the fireplace analogy. Boundaries are so good and important. The virtue of Chasity is necessary for authentic love. Highly recommend St. John Paul II’s writings on the Theology of the Body and Love and Responsibility!
I like this video. It’s smart to keep pure intentions when it comes to being in a relationship. Starting off as friends is good for the foundation ! 😁👍🏽
I’ve struggling with this… I felt like putting myself in the friend zone was counterproductive and I always feel a type of way when I’m seen as a brother by my girl of interest. But this adds clarity, God bless you Alex 🙏🏾
It is, don't do it, women want men who are intentional from the start. We are not supposed to sleep with our brothers and sisters... why blur these lines?
@@r.walker7986 your comment runs contrary to most of the women in this comment section. Most women in this comment section agree with this message, and I'd rather take advice from women on what they want than men.
This allows much respect from each individual. My biological brother and I have this conversation often. As he is and becomes frustrated with woman wanting more after he’s simply being since and the gentleman that he was raised to be. And the same with me, if I’m cordial and friendly which is natural. Men often take this as flirtatious (or not) and immediately want to go quickly in to a relationship when I’m seeing possibly a friendship.
This video came right in time. I didn't know how to approach the girl I like. It isn't about the the physical things but the love I give to her before hand. I'll have to reflect a bit on being just a friend and brother in Christ but honestly that sounds like the best type of relationship. One that doesn't seek its own priorities but seeks the love Jesus has for us but in each other. Thank you!
Holy Spirit has been downloading this to me as well. Whenever we meet someone, the foundation should just be "GETTING TO KNOW" the person to determine IF they are a true brother or sister in Christ and a worthy friend. Once enough time and experience have shown the 'FRUITS of a true genuine friend, then one can decide if this person someone that's a godly spouse material and then next if the person is The Spouse for you> And contrary to popular opinion: THE FIRST KISS should be after the "I Do." The Bible Commands that we treat each other as SISTERS and BROTHERS in purity...no sampling...because that person could be someone else's husband or wife and you two may never make it out of "the get to know stage" or Friendship stage" or Courtship stage.
There’s a difference of being friends with the intention of marriage and there’s the situation where you’re friend zoned and just giving her validation
the fire place metaphor was goodd. at first when he said they didn’t kiss before their wedding day i was alittle… but then it truly makes sense though because one kiss can cause temptation. but this message was good. friends first. brother and sisters in christ first.
Hey Alex, this video is super timely for me. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost seven months. Our eyes have been set toward the finish line the whole time and we drew the line right before kissing. But we’ve recently been challenged to think of our relationship like a brother sister relationship instead of two lovers. I’ve been unsure exactly how to apply that. Based on this video I’d bet you wouldn’t recommend saying I love you before marriage. Is that true? What about things like holding hands. Do you think little things like that can help a relationship? Or do those things seem like a way to ‘play marriage’ in an unhelpful way? Always appreciate your content. Thanks for loving Jesus. It helps me love Him more too.
A friend is a friend, a lover is a friend but more than that. If a person sees you just as a mere friend then what's so special about the relationship you have together? Many people can be our friends but not many can be our lovers. Something has to set the significant other apart from the others in one's heart.
I am just tired of these messages now. I get too many mixed messages from pastors and other Christian influencers and users. I’m going to just stick with Proverbs 18:22 and follow God on these matters.
Yea I think when stuff like that happens and many influences are telling you different things it’s important to run to the word so you can know truly what to do and once God tells you don’t be swayed by anything else.
@@jnr2912 And they continued as friends. Christ wasn't here to start a family but to die for humankind. You aren't called for such a lofty sacrifice so a family might be in order.
take everything that you hear with a grain of salt until you hear confirmation from God. everyone’s experience will be different and that’s okay. that’s expected!
Oh geez! Another video aimed at a certain niche of a very complex population of individuals. What this will result in for the majority of people is being friendzoned. This advice works for some not everyone. I met my wife 18 years ago. We were lovers first and developed into friends later as we met the challenges of married life together. We're still together by the way. There were tons of gals in my sphere who I was friends with. No way in hades I would ever touch them intimately. Just not interested not ever would be. I was attracted to my wife from the outset. The feeling was mutual. Now we are lifelong partners with two wonderful children about to enter adulthood.
Amen Amen. I love this It's such a similar teaching in the Theology of the Body. It's the idea that we have to build a strong foundation with Christ and focus on "friendship dating" It's a great accountability and shows how to love "willing the good for the other" and not *lust* after your partner or potential romantic interest.
And if you look at it's adherents the vast majority of them are years later no better off than they were before going down that road. This stuff only work s in a few instances. I've met people years later whose relationship lives were nonexistent. And they weren't too awful happy about it. Modern church dating and marriage advice is drooling with feminist doctrines and influences. How has that worked for modern society?
@@Kevin-jc1fx liking someone does not mean they are the life partner you are meant to be MARRIED to. I include God in my decisions especially life-long and life-altering ones. Thank you.
I swear the Lord got jokes because I’ve been praying about this one girl I met in church to hopefully talk to her and I watched this and just started laughing at myself😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
That was great!!! Many blessings!!! I yurn for passion for our Father, my being cries out... He's been so gracious to point the truth out to me though, repentance and obedience is absolutely necessary!!
I need some advice in my situation. So theres this guy I met through my sister who I became comfortable with right away. He was just super easy to talk to and we related in a lot of things. I thought we would be good friends but I found out he likes me. I had never even thought of him that way because he's a little younger than me and though he's a God fearing man he kind of just starting off in his walk with God. I've been praying that God will take these feeling from him but he kept popping back up in my life. Recently I realized I kinda like him. But the problem is our families don't really like each other and my parents don't like this guy either since he's younger and just starting his walk with God. I've been talking to him recently because he said that we should get to know each other and see if our relationship is in God's will since we both like each other. We talk about the Bible all the time and we just make each other dig deeper in the scriptures so I feel like it’s a healthy relationship. Neither one of us have dated before so I don’t know if we’re doing this right and in the Lord. I've been praying about it but I don't know what I should do. What do you guys think?
I think you should continue to ask God for council. My encouragement would be to fast as well if you are troubled and can’t discern what Gods will for you is. And not just you but tell this guy to fast as well, take some time to be separate and then after you both have fasted, come back together and talk about what God revealed.
God is not an author of confusion. If you want to know what He says about something. Go to His word, seek His council. “God is not an author of confusion, but of peace” 1 Corinthians 14-16
Alex I really appreciate your the example your setting, it’s encouraging me to walk the more difficult (meaning good) way and to keep looking to Jesus. He is here to help as long as I am willing to accept him. Man I don’t deserve such an amazing God.
I am glad to hear this because I like somoene but not in a romantic way yet but I still want to be with him because I think that he fits me. I felt a kind of pressure for the fact that I didn't feel anything romantic towards him yet but I am realising that I just want to set things right with him first and put God in the center. then evantually romantic feelings will come
No, you need to like a spouse in a romantic way. It does not work this way, this is a surefire way to end up with a dead-bedroom and a host of other issues. We like people romantically for a reason, that should be your guide in choosing who is going to be a friend and who is going to be a lover. Women can like a man in all kinds of ways and not be interested romantically and vice versa. The fact that you dont feel anything for him romantically means he is just a person you like who might be a good friend, leave it there... Trust me. You will ruin both your lives not being clear on this...
@r.walker7986 With respect, God should be our guide in choosing a lover, and feelings of "eros" (physical and sexual intimacy between husband and wife as described in the Bible) should be a secondary factor to that. It's a valuable point to consider, but not our guide. Song of Songs talks repeatedly about not stirring up or awakening love until it pleases. Suggesting that @angem9934 will not develop romantic feelings for someone simply because she doesn't feel it at the moment is possibly a bit presumptive; perhaps God may awaken those feelings at the appropriate timing.
I love the concept and I agree with the entire thing, but the terminology of brother/sister/siblings is throwing me off.. at least add the 'in Christ' suffix bc wow..
THANK YOU!! This is what I was thinking the whole time. It would be understandable for someone to be confused about their role in the relationship if you’re referencing them as your sibling. We don’t marry our siblings, but adding “in Christ” changes the context completely
@@clear_chrysalis9219Yep. I consider every man a brother in Christ until further notice (from God)😂 and if you don’t walk with God, you’re an acquaintance at best.
I find a message like this very unhelpful. I’m not an expert when it comes to this topic but I had my share of experience and I do know a bit about the problems young people today are facing… and getting stuck in a friend zone is a real concern. This point of “being best friend” first was voiced multiple times throughout the video but if you watch it carefully, it’s pretty obvious that the relationship described is not that of friendship but something more. If you strive to be a “friend” to this one girl to the point where other guys have to compete with you in your “friendliness”, why not just start with making your intentions clear in being a boyfriend? And if there are any women reading this comment, please confirm if you’d like to hear compliments from a guy who likes you? Giving you flowers and small gifts? Paying for your dinner? The world today is full of guys who ask girls out to “hang out” not defining their intentions clearly leaving the other person confused. Men in the world are afraid of being judged - and making the first move always puts one in a very vulnerable position. But we as Christians should be above that.
Buying someone’s dinner is fine as a friend but if you’re saying hey I want to buy your love or buy your affection or buy you and put you in a place of dependency - none of that is a great place to start a relationship.
Even beyond that, he’s not saying he wanted to be her boyfriend because that’s not biblical or Christian behavior. You’re a friend and then you’re a spouse. The idea of a boyfriend or girlfriend is a trap into sexual intimacy immorally.
No matter how you feel, you should be pursuing and praying for a genuine friendship with those that call on the Lord with pure hearts. (see 2Tim 2:22) Seek first the Kingdom of God, everything else will come in time. A perfect example of this as always, is Jesus. Jesus followed God's will, did not seek a girl and God gave Him a bride (the Body of Christ.) Ya see, if He had went for His girl, He would have lost both His relationship with God (to love God is to keep His commands; He would have disobeyed God's will) and His more suitable *bride.* In the same way, we should not look for a relationship prematurely. We will strengthen our bond with Love itself, thus being able to love a not girlfriend, but a partner; a bride.
The point I more-so heard was about boundaries, that when pursuing a sister in Christ it is as though you are just brother & sister in Christ until stated otherwise. If you cant be her best friend then how can you be her boyfriend?
@@ricoparadiso Exactly. Abba told me this. Boundaries are important in any genuine friendship. He will not bless you with something you are not ready for.
The bible has no instruction on what we would consider dating/courting other than secual morality. While this experience works for some, it will not work for others. Its essentially just this pastor's opinion. I think its important that we realize that there is not a one size fits all solution to Christian dating. As long as you follow the lord, love and trust in him, and follow his commandments, the different approcahes to dating and courtship dont matter. God bless!
Thats why we should talk to God… and if God does not want it then it wont happen. And if it does not happen then God does not want it… such a specific topic, we should ask God about this if God Wills we live to do it ❤❤
Yeah, that's why we should rely fully on God about it. Leaving it to Him, as we just focus on the way He is turning us into the best version of ourselves. That way, when you spouse comes, you know it your spouse. But don't be in a rush about it. Abide in God's love first. Make Him your first spouse.
And that’s fine. I had to turn away from my ex because he wasn’t a man of Christ. I blinded myself with love and thought he was the one for me. God allowed hardships to happen and give me dreams to warn me about my own will and where it would lead me. Seek God’s will because it is greater, more loving, safe of worries.
I don’t think I agree unfortunately. The man and woman dynamic is based on the fact that the man is manly and the woman is feminine. And that’s why they attract each other. They’re polar opposites, with both having totally different traits which complement each other. Love is amazing. A friendship however, has equal energy from both sides. It’s nice, but it doesn’t create love tingles and I don’t think it creates love for the long term. Yes, we should seek to be anyone’s brother or sister in Christ - but I don’t think this means we cannot be our manly or feminine self? Especially when you want to court with someone, it’s so much better when you are in your manly/feminine role. You get to be the best version of yourself and you get to find a person who can complete and complement you. Imo the order should be: I am a follower of Christ > I am a man / woman and live by that role > I can be your friend Example: You can be someone's brother in Christ. And be there to support them. But after that there's no obligations. The friendship may die out and that is totally okay. Next is fulfilling your male / female duties here on earth, which is what you were made for. Being a friend first to anyone you meet will sorta set you up for failure. As not everyone reciprocates friend energy. And let’s be real, it makes relationships go stale. If you however say: I’m a man first and it’s nice to make a friend - but - it has no impact on my life if I lose them or not, if they hurt me or not, if they stop having a relationship with God or not - I am still the happy man who fulfils his duties and by the end of the day is just happy with doing manly things like working on his health, taking care of responsibilities, working on his goals - Then you’ll be content no matter what, because you actually do what you were made for.
