Cinematic Excrement: Episode 102 - The Snowman 

Low key feel like Scorcese saw the ship sinking and was like "uhhhhhh oh no, I have a busy schedule, with y'know, that one movie I gotta do, and yeah, let's uh" *leaves*

As a Norwegian, thank you so much for actually pronouncing Harry Hole's name correctly, 'cause I see so many non-Scandinavians laughing at it without mentioning that it's only funny when it's mispronounced.

When I saw the poster of the movie I honestly assumed it was about a child who saw a crime, I was really surprised when I heard that wasn't the case.

Harry failing to live up to his reputation as a great detective might also not be helped by the fact that this story assumes that you've seen him work through multiple previous cases, perhaps as many as six. Bad decisions all around.

It can be risky adapting a popular Scandinavian Crime Novel in to a successful English-Language movie. When it works you get something like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. When it doesn’t you get The Snowman.

"World's greatest detective, ladies and gentlemen: A barely functional drunk." *Disco Elysium would like to know your location.*

Me: Time for bed *sees video* Me: time for cinematic excrement

I've seen this movie 3 times... unintentionally. the second time, I realised I had seen it before half way through the movie. the third, I kept saying " this looks familiar" until someone pointed out we already saw it a couple of movie nights ago (not even that long). that tells you how much of an impression this movie left. hell, when I saw this video, I didn't recognise it until I saw kilmer, or what's left of him.

I heard this was bad, but I was NOT prepared for this. I at least want to read the book series now, so there’s a positive.

I reluctantly have to admit that fridging a character is more thematically appropriate in this film than most. I mean, in a meta humor sense :b

I can confirm the thing with Val Kilmer. I recently saw him at an event in New Orleans, and you can tell he's been hitting some rough patches as of late. He seems to be doing a bit better, but he still kinda sounds like Marlon Brando with a sinus infection, mainly due to his tongue being swollen. In fact, he even joked that he had a "Pontiac in his throat". But yea, doesn't make sense that they'd cast him in this role when he's clearly still in the midst of recovering from throat cancer and can barely talk!

A great example of the memes being better than the media

🎵Do you want to build a-🎵... Oh man... Welcome back, Sean. We missed you **hugs**

You don't just abandon J.K. Simmons!

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" To which I say, "No... Just No."

This seems like the dictionary definition of "production hell."

Thanks for summarizing what happened in the movie to the best of your ability. I watched this film and legitimately had no clue what was even going on aside from the basic premise.

You'd have to be a pretty stupid director not to know one of the most important rules of a mystery; you do not focus on something odd unless there's a good reason! If a guy in a detective film has painted nails, I assume it will be important to the story in some way. You don't just throw it in for the hell of it.

The only possible explanation I can give for the silly snowman drawings is it's maybe a reference to Keith Hunter Jesperson also known as the "Happy Face Killer" as he was known to draw happy faces on letters he sent to the media and prosecuters. Oh don't get me wrong the letters with the Snowman look incredibly silly to where I can’t take it seriously, but that's the only possibility I have on what the filmmakers were making a subtle reference to. Granted this is coming from someone who has not seen The Snowman and only heard it was a colossal mess.

MISTER HOLLYWOOD, YOU COULD HAVE DELIVERED A NEW THRILLER FRANCHISE. WE THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO GIVE YOU ALL THE CLUES. - The Casual Viewer

Ah, but the painted nails are at once a metaphor for life's triviality, the pointlessness of existance, existential angst, and ennui of the soul, of course.

I saw so many damn ads for this thing.

It really bums me out when a long-running book-series with a rather solid fanbase fails to launch in movie form due to sheer incompetence. I feel really bad for fans of the Harry Hole series. But I also feel that they shouldn't give up hope. Maybe one day, hopefully soon, someone will decide to go the Sherlock route with the good detective and make a Harry Hole TV series, with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau in the lead role. There are plenty of examples where failed movies found new life as TV shows - Buffy, Supergirl, Constantine, Daredevil, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Green Lantern; if they can do it, why not Harry Hole? On another note, next time Sean's gonna be exploring the origins of the Razzies? Sweet! I hope it's a double feature. Also, while we're on the subject of movies that the Razzies overlooked, Sean should really give Alien: Covenant a good tongue-lashing. Seriously, how did that pile of Xenomorph dung get away scott-free?! Sean's right - Razzies, you really fucked up this time!

I like how in the thumbnail, you replaced the snowman's head with the Cinematic Excrement logo. Very clever.

It isn't exactly abnormal for a certain book series to be adapted out of order, for example Dr No was the 6th Bond novel but the first film adaptation.

Harry Hole is a name my 12 yr old self would use to prank call public places like bars or bingo halls: "I'm looking for my dad, his name is Harry" "what's his last name?" "hole" The answerer would put their hand over the receiver and yell for everyone in the place to hear: "Is there a Harry Hole here?!!" BWAHAHAHA my kid self would've died laughing, we did use names like Seymor Butts, Mike Hunt, Ben Dover, etc.

Hehe! Imagine if Harry Hole had a middle name abbreviated with the letter "A" 😁😁

Pants off Popcorn on! Nice to see you again, Sean! :D

This movie was so bewildering and incomprehensible. Also you have the prettiest eyes.

Small role for JK Simmons? Guess they didn’t get him those pictures of Spider-Man!

Smeghead...let it go. Let it go... Don't hold it back any more...

I honestly thought Mr Plinkett was dubbing Kilmer's lines when I saw the movie!

This presentation is good work. I was educated and entertained.

problem with studios - not enough people are fired because they push the blame to directors, writers and editors

The next review is going to be "Can't Stop the Music" since that was the first ever Razzie Winner for Worst Picture. I'm still not thankful for that community in 1980 to give 'The Shining' any nominations, that's something they overlooked more, nominating a great film for something rather than ignoring a critical failure.

So, next time you're gonna review either "Can't Stop The Music" or "Xanadu". I'm guessing the former since it was the first ever Razzie winner.

Damn it Sean, it’s 1am, I was about to go to bed...

I'm addicted to your channel.

THANK YOU. Fridging is the dumbest thing you can put into a story, I have no idea why they thought it was a good idea here. Also, YAY CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC! I've been dying for you to cover a shitty musical!

Val Kilmer looks like Kurt Russell here.

OOh. We're going way back, huh? I'm making a guess with "Can't Stop the Music"

There were so many awful movies released in 2017 one can't fault professional critics for elevating The Last Jedi.

Can't Stop The Music is next

Oh brilliant, I was hoping you’d do this one! Thanks a lot, your review was so much fun to watch ☺️

Dude, I didn’t even know you were gonna review this. Excellent job!

Different format, but I really liked it. It was genuinely interesting to hear you talk about this movie, and I still had a few really good laughs.

Great review as usual. I am a huge fan. I have been following your channel since 2010. I love your unique way of reviewing movies and they never fail to make me laugh multiple times. Your videos always manage to brighten my mood even on a bad day. I am honestly suprised that you dont have more views by now. You have actually inspired me in wanting to be a film critic. Keep up the good work :)

14:18 Well, it's certainly not a polite suggestion

Aside from the famous 15 percent of script being cut the film messed up in 3 huge ways. 1. they didn't actually adapt the book and re-wrote almost all of it 2. Jo Nesbo is actually really funny and his books are filled with very black humour due to the fact that although he loves his work he doesn't take the material too serious, example he point out in the book the a snowman is kind of silly as a calling card where as here its played dead straight along with the rest of the characters and screen elements 3. Thomas is a famously maticulise director and this has made notorious and is the reason he hasn't made a film since tinker. they gave him no time and no budget and it uses the film to have great locations but a clearly rushed shoot and post production

So glad you're back. Great vid.

There was only one other couple in the theater when me & my friend saw this movie. They left over an hour before it ended.

Great thumbnail and vid, Smeghead! Keep it up!

"We're going all the way back to the beginning". Is he going to review another Twilight movie, or a movie that has connections to Twilight? Either way, i can't wait to watch his next review! I'm also glad he's not sick any more, glad you're feeling better Sean. Welcome back!!

Well put. I borrowed this recently for a second time. Granted, I was fast forwarding through a bit to see the snowman parts, but this looked a mess. I couldn’t even see enough of the tantalizing premise.

It seems the only smart choice they made when making this movie was omitting the part where the killer builds the snowman and puts Harry`s ex on top of it.

I have been a suscriber of this channel for years, and you know what? I really like your videos, Sean. I really do. I would like you to consider making videos about videogames. I kinda think you are into that and it would be really cool to see you talking about videogames

Mister Creator of Deadpool You could have saved the TV series We gave you all the support. 🌮🌮🌮🌮

Glad you're back

18:32 I see a car he could have hidden behind, but no footprints in the snow he left behind. Maybe he IS a teleporter!

they started with this because the books are very episodic and don't really have an over arching scheme aside from hole getting a bit more depressed and tired. they started with this because its the most popular and acclaimed like if they wanted to make a Sherlock Holmes series of films and decided to start with hound of the Baskerville

Yes! I was hoping the next review would be The Snowman after the teaser in your last video. I kinda want to see it X)

Thank you man! I was thinking about watching this movie to know what's so bad about it but now i think i don't need to do this anymore...

These kind of "fuck-ups" used to be directed by "Alan Smithee" , ,,,lol

LOL Why does the "ice skaters in City Hall" scene at 11:00 remind me of the movie Batman and Robin??

Also, in addition to two Oscar winning editors, the film also had Oscar nominated cinematographer Dion Beebe ('Chicago') lensing the film and two Oscar nominated screenwriters in Peter Straughan (Alfredson's own 'Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy') and Hossein Amini ('The Wings of the Dove' and 'Drive'). Such a waste of talent.

Finally you made a video on this film

I honestly originally thought that was Harry watching his mom get bitchslapped by her fuckbuddy at the beginning. Also, I’m kinda lucky I watched this movie to have some perspective of what actually went on since this was more an analysis of fail than point by point. Noting that Harry twice misses a very rare song, Popcorn, being played in the movie to identify the killer right then and there is but one example.

Damn... I was lookin forward to this from the first preview I saw...

To be fair, over the issue of the fifth novel being turned into a movie, the first James Bond novel is Casino Royale and was published in 1953. The first theatrically released film was Dr. No in 1962, the sixth novel in the series. Some books it's okay to pick and choose the order if there isn't much of a connecting plot between novels. With all that said, watch James Bond over this shit.

I hope one day you can do Dream House, I was an extra in that film and it's like this, an unfunny trainwreck, and probably not the film everyone thought it was going to end up as.

Don't tell me you think Raymond Briggs' The Snowman is awful! That's one of my favorite specials!

3:31 that is very accurate with Cats 2019.

The Snowman is not a movie, but a "concept".

I ought to read the book. Fuck this incomplete mess of a film. Great to see you again, Sean. Damn good review.

I would give leeway to the contraption the detectives use. A employee of the government getting an unwieldy and non-sensical contraption... No ... Say IT ain't so

love your t shirt!!!

I LOVE this book series. But Robbie Coltrane or if you want a younger man then Ben Mendelsohn should’ve played Harry Hole. Could’ve been a amazing series. My husband recorded and tried to watch The Snowman but after 30mins he gave up.

Hey, Smeghead I want to see you review Drop Dead Fred. Also from the looks of this, it sounds like you’ll eventually get to review Wild Wild West, Howard the Duck, I Know Who Killed Me, Lenord Part 6 and Freddy Got Fingered.

I actually read the Wikipedia article with plot because I couldn't make sense of this movie. It didn't help, but I tried.

They could have gone the Tank Girl route and simply animated what they forgot to film.

Also, I liked the comparisons to the novel 👍

The fact that the film is literally unfinished as well as the negative reception made me feel that it was at least going to get a nomination for the Razzies. Certainly moreso than _Baywatch_ .

So...Can't Stop The Music is next?

I guess the epi sync instead of i pads maybe licensing issues. Though using a smart phone or generic tablet could have worked fine.

So nice to see at least one reviewer acknowledge that the character's name isn't pronounced "hole" in its original language.

I just paid Mr.Fassbender's mortgage. It was super easy barely an inconvenience

13:30 Either he didn't want to risk that she'll unintentionally find incriminating clues lead to him or for cheap shock value. 15:12 Probably standard novel like prologue for the audience to realize later on. 15:28 Maybe killing unfaithful women is easier than killing unfaithful men or doesn't want the women to "share" their fate with his mom, but slightly steer their deaths into murder.

I fell asleep five times while watching this movie.

I heard the book is better. I'm gonna read it sometime.

I like how so many crappy movies came out last year, and yet people are so hung up on The Last Jedi which was one of the most critically-acclaimed films of the year. Huh.

I'm surprised they got Adrian Dunbar out of all people... ...from this to Line of Duty. That's one hell of a change.

damnit, and I wanted to fall asleep early too. oh well, it's summer and I have no immediate responsibilities. fuck sleep.

14:18 It's been a while since you've used that joke

LOL!!!!, "What the hell, even a Bond villain would tell you to pump the brakes." This is why I love you internet.

Where have you been last month? We missed you.

Who bets that no one on the film crew who read the books.

When did Val Kilmer turn into the long lost brother of Jeff and Beu Bridges??

I get the feeling that hiring two British and one Scandi men to write a film based on violence against women might not have been the greatest idea.

I'm trying to look for who dubbed Val Kilmer's voice but can't find who. Any help, please?

The Razzies really missed their chance on this one. Not only is it horrible and well deserving of a nomination, but it would have been rather funny to have it win and then pressent it with an award that was only 85% complete.