What does it feel like to the others when one headmate is out front? Daniel explains. OOOOH we have fancy editing skills now! Follow us on Tumblr! / theentropywe And on Twitter! / entropy_system
It's even harder for our system to tell who is fronting tbh because as the host I am terrified of a loss of control. So, whenever I'm not fronting whoever is fronting basically does whatever I ask them to for the most part. But the way the thing is executed might be different. For example if I'm like "Hey text our friend to let them know we've arrived at the meeting place and we're waiting for them" different alters would all do that but they'd text different things like "I'm here!" "Where u at?" "I have arrived" or whatever. It's kinda interesting and I'd thought I'd share. I always describe it like it's a TellTale game where I make the choices but the way the choices are acted out might not be the way I would've done it.
I still dont know/d.i.d./o.s.d.d.=(i 100% have the emotional amnisa/im not sure about the thinking stuff.),for when a bad part/day,i was walking,but it wasnt me,i only sort of had control,but the body did what it needed to,and i wanted something to drink/morning,i did get a drink/ = me/wall/body. what it felt like/control.
It’s so weird how the alters all look so different lol. Like daniel’s hair is so Daniel to me and looks different from Kits even though it’s the same body haha
5 лет назад
I take it that's why you have to wear glasses as your eyes are fucked.
my2amdoodles With our system we definitely do our hair slightly different, which is part of the reason why one of them (we don’t know her name yet) always gets hair in our food, since she wears our hair more over our shoulders, while I usually keep it more out of the way
For us it’s really hard to tell who’s fronting because we have OSDD and we’re almost always co con with at least one other person. we all share the same memories but we have very different opinions but also have a ton of bleed through to make that confusing. We have to do a lot of “who’s feeling what”. It can be very confusing and not at all black and white. -Nan and Alex (co-con) from the Alcota system
It’s really interesting as an OSDD-1b system how different our experience has been. We’re almost constantly aware of what the person is doing on front at any given moment, which can result in a lot of issues, such as Tony, our host, forcibly trying to take control if one of us does something he doesn’t like, even if it could do potential harm to the system as a whole. We’re all ready to jump in at any given moment because we know the outside situations and who is best for what. Kinda cool, kinda fascinating to watch. Having DID must be so much more difficult though with the time loss and all. We can’t begin to imagine. -Loki
Tony Mitchell yeah! We’re still working in an exact diagnosis but we have a form of OSDD and there are almost always two or more people co con at once and everyone is aware so there’s a lot of bleed through and thoughts and it’s hard to tell who’s fronting and who wants what 😂😂
We are co-conscious basically all the time almost so it's good. When we switch I feel it in my brain it's so weird I feel the person go from the front of my head to the back. Can't think of another way to describe it.
I(host) have something like that too, but maybe not exactly. To be honest, it kind of adds to our doubts that we all exist because I am always co-conscious and can still have some sort of control if I want to, though I try my best not to because it's uncomfortable for all of us when I step in as others front.
@@sodapap4128 it certainly adds to the doubts, so I sometimes let my headmates to go lose and just be themselves. They do need their ME-time too. Just find the safe place and time, where they won't interact with others, or make them interact only with people you normally don't interact with, so they don't know you in any other way. Like you can go on a blind date or something.
Thanks! It was a lot of fun to make. The software we used made the file HUGE, though. I need to figure out how to fix that so uploads don't take three hours haha -Daniel
The Entropy System it came across so awesome! We were thinking of doing a split screen but couldn’t figure out on what! I thought that was done perfectly! :D what programme did you guys use?
For me switching feels like waking up without going to sleep. As a host it’s pretty weird since I’m almost always co-conscious during switches it’s super jarring when after 40 minutes of being on the same wavelength a headmate says or does something I’d never think to do.
For our system…sometimes co-con feels almost like watching a movie. We see it, we hear it, but we know we can’t “control it”. Took a long time to make peace with that and understand that switching or co-consciousness are necessary for us to be or best self ❤️
I like how DisassociDID explains co con as being in a car. Someone is driving, someone is in the front passenger seat, 3 or 4 can be in the back and the inner world is like being in the boot. The game analogy is good.
I love the term headmate. I kinda feel like we're all just room mates except instead of living in the same building we're living in the same head. Also I've known some people who don't believe co- consciousness is a thing and have tried to use that to claim I'm faking. Like according to them only one personality can be active at a time. I've had some times up to four trying to front at the same time. Would prefer if it actually worked that way because I don't get headaches when it's a clean switch between just two alters or headmates. The headaches only happen for me when co-consciousness is happening between three or more alters all fighting for control over the remote.
Thank you so much for this because co-consciousness happens so much in my system which can make me doubt that I even have DID, so it’s good to know that there’s an answer behind all that.
This helps so much. We have not been diagnosed with DID or OSDD but there are multiple alters in this body. Our host just realized she has alters and last night was the first time I was co conscious with her. You explained how it feels to be co conscious very well. We're actually co conscious right now. This probably sounds very messy and stuff cause we're both trying to write different things. Thanks for the help! - Lenore/Luke
It’s cool how the different alters can have such different voices (to clarify I mean how when Daniel is control of win it acctually sounds like a guy instead of her usual voice it sounds like you have a totally different set of vocal cords. In my opinion I think it is cool
Sometimes there is a physical change when an alter fronts. I know that when this one alter in our system fronts, the body's throat actually feels like it lowers and is pushed out a little, which causes the voice to become deeper. This is done without control to suit the alter fronting
@@marymikel9193 Naturally it's a female voice, they're sharing the same body. But the male headmates when they speak try using the lower register to sound more like themselves. It's like hearing yourself on the record, it often sounds annoying as it's not how you hear your voice from inside you head, right? The same for alters, they know their own voices, and then they hear what comes out of the body. It's annoying, so they try to correct the pitch yet it's never possible to sound natural. My male mates often cough and clean their throats trying to sound somewhat right.
Recently diagnosed , seriously thought I had a brain tumour or early onset Alzheimer's, until we became aware exactly what has been happening...... constantly being trampled on by other alters and I lose time .......too much time, I left my 4 children for months on end , I lose everything and forget important appointments for me and my family....literally at a loss on how to handle all this.....your explanation is so much more relatable than other people's IV seen though, I will watch more of your videos 🧡
Great explanation! We share memories, due to having OSDD rather than DID. So for us, switching is like waking up from a dream, the dream being the stuff that went on whilst you weren't out. Just imagine the feeling you get when you wake up from a dream, and you feel like it went really quick, but it's actually 5pm and you've slept the whole day XD We also get this weird sensation when we switch, and it feels like the other alter is 'pulling' you under them, and climbing over you. It's so weird, cus you feel this slipping sensation but you're not actually going anywhere. And then, you either lose time, or you hang around in the back.
I just wanted to ask. Does this also include looking back at those 'dreams' that was actually done by another alter feels like it was you because you're aware or its as if its you, but its still different to be you? Its like yes you know you did that but it doesnt deel EXACTLY like its you who did it. I mean, you know for sure you can do it, but you couldn't probably have done it that way
@@gwynethrencec.banquiao3550 I would not describe it this way. On the one had, I know that all my headmates are me, that we're the one. Yet, we're who we are, so we know who did what. In the moment of co-consciousness it might be confusing of who's having control, but if an alter just woke up, then the previous experience wouldn't be confused with their own. But then people experience it differently, maybe some people experience them the way you describe it.
It's really fun to hear about other people's DID and stuff like that. I remember when I was much younger I thought that everyone had the same issue until I met another person with DID and found out the difference between someone who does have DID and who doesn't. I also like hearing about other system's inner worlds. In my opinion, they are all different and VERY unique. I've never heard any systems that had more than two similarities in their inner worlds. Anyways, it's just great to know that we're not alone and there people go through the same disorder (in this case DID). But yeah, I know this had nothing to do with the video, but I just thought I'd say that. :) (Sorry about, my English if it's bad)
Your English is great! I wouldn't have know you weren't a native speaker if you hadn't said anything :) I totally hear you about how good it feels to know you're not alone. No matter how secure we are, being able to say "it's not just me!" is so validating. We'll be doing an inner world video in January. I hope you find it interesting! -Daniel
I have been so scared that I've been faking my DID symptoms but hearing you talk about them being right up close and being unsure who's in control is exactly how I feel when King's up front and is exactly the metaphor I've been using to explain it. I've had problems disosciating for years without really understanding what I was doing but my alts are only 3 days old. It's been absolutely terrifying but this has at least helped me know that this is normal for a system which is apparently what I am now
I'm not a system but am learning about my own self/mental health and like to learn about others as well. When you were talking about the simple video game and not knowing who exactly is fronting (I'm just trying to understand sorry if this is offensive or wrong) Is it kind of like playing Mario Kart multiplayer, which has fairly simple mechanics, and looking at the wrong screen and thinking you're doing so great when partway through the game you realize that you're actually the bottom screen in last place falling over the sides of the map and running into walls/objects? maybe not the whole bottom half part, but the feeling of two people looking at one part of the screen both thinking they're controlling that first place character before one person realizing that they aren't actually playing that side?
Spot on! That's a great analogy. The video game thing is a perfect parallel, but I think it gets the basic idea across. It can be extremely disorienting and lead to too many people trying thinking they're up front or no one at all thinking they're up front and setting off a dissociative episode. I think if I had to compare the experience to any specific video game, Mario Kart would be the best example because stuff can get really frustrating really fast if you're not completely on the ball. - Daniel
That is exactly what I thought of when I heard the analogy! I am very new to being aware of my DID and I'm almost always co-fronting. This was a great way to describe it. I also liked the reference to the cat rubbing your leg. I'm not usually sure who it is until I realize I can't eat meat or my husband tries to kiss me and I'm disgusted by it.
Yay Daniel! These analogies are amazing, we might have to borrow them :P You hit the nail on the head and described a lot of our experiences in this video, so it's cool to see that we have similar feelings. We do wish that the "throwing off the exhaustion coat" happened for us more frequently. It DOES happen sometimes, but unfortunately we also experience more of a... "The body is so tired/in pain, and I've just got in front so it feels like I haven't even done anything to be so tired/in pain!" situation, which is frustrating. Like, if someone was out on their feet all day, someone else might be pushed up front for the exhausted bus journey home. Funky things can happen with moods, too. If one of us is in co-consciousness and is feeling super grouchy, for example, it could rub off on whoever is actively in the front. We wonder if you find this as well? Fantastic video as usual and great job on the editing! Much love, x
The coat thing doesn't happen all the time but I really wanted to get across how it's not just our behavior that changes when we switch. There are times, though, like when the body is sick or if someone had a depressive/anxiety episode that the physical feelings don't just flop away when we switch. We definitely experience the mood sharing thing. When someone has a "big mood" on the inside, even if they're not co-con, the body will feel it. More than once Wyn has been at home and suddenly felt scared or angry for seemingly no reason and she has to go into the headspace and ask each one of us individually to see who is holding that emotion. Even after trying to comfort whoever it is, the mood can still hang with the body for the rest of the day. It can be quite disruptive. Oh yeah, and you can totally use the analogies! - Daniel
@@TheEntropySystem hey (to whom is ever in control) i found this video last night and now am watching it DID and such is super cool Like the brain is powerful in the ways it adapts to stimuli I have only adhd and high functioning autism but this makes me feel like so connected to the people who have special powers and abilities Its amazing what we can do So to the people in you i hope this never affects you in life ever again from now on And please make the voiceless be voiced Love from sean taggart
@@TheEntropySystem I think indeed it's important that it's not just a mental shift, but a physiological one as well. For instance, one of my personalities is Love, he is hyper-sexual. I recently starting going through menopause, and I have no interest in sex at the moment and cannot get myself aroused. But if Love appears, then it's so easy as if I was 20. The change happens so instantaneously, it's hard not to notice. My other personality Ethan is strength, and he's indeed physically strong, I can feel the immediate change in the body. It is as if they kept to themselves access to those bodily functions, leaving me without them, when I'm in front.
The more I research this the sadder, depressed and hopeless I feel. Am I the only one who feels like a I have a modge podge of alters distinct yet indistinct who are always co conscience? I don't lose time. I check out yes, but don't go out on a shopping spree and not remember it. But there's more of me up here than one. So much that I feel like a whirlwind of chaos... yet empty. My memory is creepily good. Long term I mean. It actually freaks people out. But I have had cptsd episodes where a memory I have always had, always remembered, but suddenly like someone opens up a tap, slow drizzle of the memory becomes more and more defined. There's tiny little fragments I didn't remember. Then the panic sets in. Ya that sounds like what DID is. But the rest. Idk... you guys are doing an awesome job explaining your issues. And I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart that you do this... but I feel so lost out here. I'm even hearing in my head that I'm full of shit and a fake. (That's not surprising considering how I was raised and treated my whole life.) Gawd all I wanna do right now is give up and sob until I stop breathing. Why am I such a freaking mess...? Why am I so incredibly different to the point it's like I'm just a fraud. I'm starting to believe I'm nothing but pos who isn't meant to be helped. 😣 I'm sorry for the long rant.. I'm just scared out here. I envy all of you that make these videos. You're so strong and you're able to somewhat understand yourself. I have several identities. But am an empty vessel. How is that even possible...?
I have had stages of lost time for up to 4 hrs and short term chronic time loss for 3-60 mins since this February . But usually , esp on meds now , I’m co-conscious . I totally get not knowing who for sure is out for sure cause it’s two people co-conscious. That’s my main recent experience as immaccepting I have this diagnosis . Good video !! Love it !!
Did you ever experience two parts being in control at the same time, controlling different parts of the body? I had it happen more than once that I wanted to pour boiling water in a cup or something similar and almost burning the other hand because someone wanted to take something out at the same time.
Hi Daniel thank you've explanation has help work out, why everyone see this and i struggle. As was pre dysoised a year ago. And its taken me this long to sink in. I was wondering why i couldn't work it out. Who is who, your control explanation just open my mind to why i struggle. Thank you personally and thank you to your whole system for all these videos. ❤❤❤❤❤
Haha this is actually really helpful. Chandler is the most bossy one in here and whenever I’m out (Cullan here, the host) he always is either partially here too or trying to get me to do something. He keeps saying he’s like our dad trying to keep us all ready for school and stuff like that. He also usually dissuades Roy or Smiley from fronting because they can’t mask to save our lives.
Co-con is such a hard thing to explain, but you put it in a way that makes sense. Im part of an OSDD system that doesn't experience time loss (at least not yet) , so co-consciousness is a near constant. Our headspace is seen as like a car, with the alter out front as the driver, a co-front in the passengers, and then the back seat is varying levels of "out." I'm Basil, I'm not the host, so I frequently sit in passengers to watch and keep an eye on the world. Depending on how things are going, I can help Carter (host) drive or kick them to the passengers to co-front instead. Sometimes were 50/50. Other times they'll zone out in the passengers and only pay attention now and again, or move to the back. Whenever one of us is on their phone in the back, it's sort of a "here if you need me" deal, and they'll remember it later. If they're asleep in the back, they're still co-con, but choosing not to be present, tuning it out. They usually get memories later when they come back, but they never truly lose time. Losing it would be like being in the trunk of the car, which hasn't happened as of now.
I find the closer I am up front when we are co-con, the easier it is for me to remember things that happened. But the further away I am the harder it gets to recall things.
I'm fascinated by how you describe the mental aspect of switching, where you or your headmate will fall back and just watch? That's so hard for me to wrap my head around. The brain is a strange organ.
Thank you so much for starting this series and explanation. With us, when we are Co-Conscious you explained it ABSOLUTELY perfect!! Especially about the lecture and teacher. I go through that so much, and which ever alter that is with me at the time, takes very poor notes, but relays information just in my headspace. When it comes to when we switch, it all depends, when I, the host, feel a switch coming and don't want it to happen, I almost have a seizure at times, my eyes rolling back and shaking, struggling to breathe because I'm fighting it, sometimes I don't even realize I was fighting the switch. When I fully switch, accepting it, I tremble slightly and feel relief or like my body goes into hyper-active mode, depending on which alter I switch to. :)
Awesome Awesome! DID is so individualized, I'm amazed at how different our inner worlds are, how we handle co-consciousness and switching. Our fronting area is best described as like an entrance of an office building, that has an open area with a receptionist and a security guard. When we have co-consciousness going on, our two co-hosts sit at the receptionist desk, and of course our security guard or one of our protectors sits in the "security office" to the side of the receptionist. One of our protectors is co-conscious at all times watching over our hosts they just don't interfere unless needed. There is a door that leads to our inner-world that is more like a dormitory with common areas for everyone like living areas, kitchen, dining area, classrooms and playrooms and suites consisting of a bedroom and bath for each alter or a pair of alters, our children usually share a room and bathroom. We have a basement that is protected that holds our trauma memories, a black door that is also protected down a hallway from the "security" office is where our less active alter rooms are, we have an outside area that has a playground for our children, picnic tables, a small forest of trees and a brook for nature walks or just getting out. Regarding switching for us, if it is through our co-conscious hosts it works like a blink or a swap of seats. I love your videos and learning about your system. ...David
I just wanted to say that I do not follow things, people or anything related to that type of stuff but I’m hooked on you! I have no idea why I’ve questioned myself because I don’t have any headmates to speak of but sure I like most of the world have my struggles and relate to anxiety, depression and trauma. I’m a recovering addict, it’s hard and I dunno it nice to see someone who experiences something pretty intense like this and just go with it! I mean you really took off running, I. No time at all too! I would think in the first year especially that news like this could slow you down or even disable you for a time but from what I’ve seen here is that you have turned this into as much of a strength possible. I hope everything I have said doesn’t offend any of you, I’m not the most educated but I find it fascinating! I found you all because every time I think about the showtime series United stages of Tara I think oh I wanna watch that series again and I stumbled upon your channel. You did a video on movies but did you express your feelings on this show? I mean sure it’s exaggerated but it definitely peaked my interest. Please let me know how you felt about it or please point me to a video.... thank you for being just really amazing and kind, you are what people should be like. I appreciate you as a human being and it’s a pleasure to share parts of your life with you.
This was such a good analogy which helped me understand co consciousness! Really well made video I’ve been wondering what DID is and Daniel did a great job explaining!
Thank you for making this! You made such good examples on how to explain what it feels like. For me and my system we experience coconsciousness very similarly to how you and your system does.
Thank you so heckin much. I met a few of my people over the past couple weeks, and it's been a huge shock to me. This video has explained a lot about why I have very little lost time. I'm undiagnosed(for now. Our body is turning 18 this year and hoping to get the official diagnosis asap) I realize I've only had one or two blackouts (that I remember) and instead am usually fronting or co-fronting with someone. I have a lot of people who float in and out of co-consciousness. This explains the random 'not mine' thoughts, and why Perry, who was fronting for the first time a few days ago had a lot of difficulty telling who he even was. Thank you for the clear explanation and description, Daniel! - SJ this makes soooooooooo much sense. thank you - Perry An unnamed little says hi, too!
Daniel, I have such a crush on you! This question may have already been addressed, but I would like to know if all of the headmates that come forward know all of Wyn's friends. Like if you were walking through the mall and "Janie" said Hi Wyn!, Would you be caught off guard?
Cannot say for someone with full DID, but in my case, we share memories, so they would all know the person, however, as they don't have the same relationships with that person, their reaction might be not at all what that friend expects. Just imagine that it's your husband and he wants to kiss you, yet your headmate doesn't want to have any kisses from damn males whom he barely knows. So he might push your husband away and say something like "F.. off". You as a host will have to deal with it later, or right away, if you're able to get control back.
For our system switching almost always comes with first noticing that our eyes are not focusing anymore and there's a tingly sensation in our head. Most ANPs will pretend to be the host so the host will either be co con or lose time. If a big emotional response gets triggered in an alter, that alter might switch into fronting very quickly and act in ways that are not appropriate to the current situation. We are trying to learn to communicate better and just last night our host recognized a triggered alter, helped her choose an activity and then stepped back and let her take over. That's new and exciting.
Ohh that made me both understand so much better how it works for you + some parts resonated a lot with how we do as well! We don’t lose full memory between switches so that’s really insightful to hear an explanation so detailed! Thank you Daniel! I’ve been writing notes while you were explaining so I wouldn’t forget anything to explain, so... here’s our experience! We don’t have an official diagnosis yet, though we’re recognised as a system by our therapist - we think OSDD fits us, though we do lose memory sometimes it’s not constant. So for us, when we switch fronts without anyone being co-conscious, it’s like we forget what was going on in the moment, we are disoriented for a while (one minute to 5 usually) and then we re-gain the memories. Ever been in a conversation, and suddenly loss track of it and you don’t recall what the other person was saying? It feels like that, and after a while of just nodding in agreement you start getting the context and making sense of it - maybe you still lost details, but you’re able to understand most of what was going on. Sometimes, we have to ask to repeat or what was going on, but it’s pretty much like that. Another simile we use is that of loading something on a computer - it has a loading process, and then you get all the files in your memory. Now, when co-conscious, we don’t get that adaptation process and we’re able to know what was going on without having to wait - and we tend to have the same thing (which depends to the degree, we call blurring) of “who’s actually doing this?” when we agree, as you said with the controller. Otherwise we can distinguish as well Ohh and the wave thing when switching! Thats probably something we’d use to describe it too! When someone is still conscious too, or the switch is slow rather than immediate, we can even “feel how they feel” and “feel their body on ours” for as long as the switching process is still happening... how to explain... let’s say, this one headmate we have - he’s full of anxiety so that’s the first thing we’ll notice, and the body’s eyebrows tend to arch like when you’re worried, so they do that? Voice also may change while this happens and we might notice and be confused... and it usually doesn’t feel good when the switch is slow hah. Also if someone has strong interests (i have a hyperfixation on doctor who) the one who was previously fronting may get interested in that (they kind of know if I’m around if something doctor who is on our head. But that’s because it’s a very strong hyperfixation I’m thinking about way too often!) I don’t know how well or bad I explained this but I wanted to contribute! When we start uploading videos with out other channel I might try and explain better! - Lukas
You explained that all really well. I love hearing about other system's experiences so thank you so so much for sharing. I absolutely relate to the awkwardness of slow switches. It's like trying to change from driver's seat to passenger's seat and vice versa, but by climbing over the middle together rather than just getting out of the car. It's so awkward and clunky! I don't think we've ever transferred interests directly but if someone inside sees something they like they definitely push to be a part of it. If they don't want to front, they urge the person up front to watch/read/eat whatever it is they are yearning for. It leads to some weird behavior at times, especially when the Little's are involved. Looking forward to seeing your videos when you upload them! -Daniel
Lukifisk we get the whole "feeling what they feel" most of the time. Like, I'm not really an anxious guy, I'm pretty chill actually. But when M, another alter, is around, I get her anxiety symptoms. But just the symptoms. Like, I don't actually feel anxious, I just feel my heart rate increase, and my hands shake, and I feel a little sick. It's weird
The Entropy System YEAH that all happens to us as well! The interests thing is kinda weird though but maybe because we don’t lose memories often, we get interests transferred like... someone else might like Doctor Who but not as much as me, not with my overwhelming intensity aha. Some others might even hate it and find themselves talking about it (haven’t gotten that with many interests but some headmates might see no point in talking about it yet if I’m around they do... it usually ends with me fronting after that so! Slow switch) I love your metaphor about the car though? Getting through the middle instead of getting out of the car... we might start using it aha. And!! Thank you for your interest! We definitely will upload in january - to another channel but we’ll let you know which one it is if you’re interested~ -Lukas
Your friendly neighbourhood nobody Ohh I see. We do get the actual anxiety but we usually get confused at where it’s coming from - I’m anxious myself but this one headmate’s anxiety is... different? Feels different from mine. Oh well, I’m good at knowing “their essence” as well such as, they will feel things a bit differently? Which I have learned with the slow switches or co-fronting, it’s really weird but interesting to see how different emotions or moods are felt by someone that’s not me! -Lukas
This is so cool. Nice to meet you Daniel. I'm a new Ytber and was doing research on co-consciousness which is what I'm working on now. I also have DID and becoming more involved in our community.
I also have DID and you explained that so perfectly, like even today I felt very dizzy as if I was going to faint and so my masculine altar Pepper took over and the feelings just “poof” left, I also love your videos! Keep up the good work!
Arthur: i'm fronting at the moment. tasimo's the name he's most comfortable using online but inside of the mind it's kind of set up like a lobby. we each have our own doorways into our own little worlds. mine is a cityscape that I let spike stay in... it works out, we both like some of the same things. there's a hot tub in the lobby, a heavy punching bag (i'm the one that uses that the most, i pretty much represent pent up anger and rage), there's a pool table, a bar-- we got a whole setup. and what it's like being co-conscious for us is we're kinda standing next to them, or peering at what's going on through their eyes. depends on the situation. had to clear my throat and take a moment to think about what to type next... keep up the vids, i like the stuff.
Thank you so much. I kept on having these problems with house switching. An altar would tell me that they would wanna front, but when they would do so I couldn’t actually tell if that actually happened. It was so confusing.
Oops our host was watching this and nodding along and then they realized it was me covering for them all through middle-high school & I showed them one little itsy bitsy memory fragment and they almost threw up. Thanks for the validation.
This was my favorite video so far! I did like the video you made with dissociadid. I do not have DID myself but I feel like something was in the works when I was a kid...I really want to look into that more. Although I havent had any voices or time lost since I was a a teen. Who knows, our minds are powerful things right! Anyway, great job on this video, very informative and fun? Lol
Gaming is a really good analogy! Sometimes when I do two player games I'll get confused which character is mine because I'll zone out and my vision will drift to that one and all of a sudden I see a move I didnt do. Really excellent analogy ^-^ I feel that that really helped me to understand
SO crushing on you, Daniel! And your incredible, naturally described analogies 😋❤😍 you're a King 👑 And I see you as your own person, jsyk! Each and every single one of you 🙏 Best of wishes for all of your guys happiness and peace of mind! Xox- Maddy 💁♀️
Daniel is so freaking cute :3 I literally can see him and Kit the most regardless of their outfits, the body changes so much feature wise and energy/aura wise (to my eyes at least.) :) ❤
Hi we are the spiritual system. Noelian, Jomar, Grace, and many others. In my experience because I never really had words for it it felt more like spirits going through my body. But as we study more as a whole and learn more about who we are it's like there is a thrown under a movie screen and then their is the outter world. The goal for our system is to seek help and therapy and hopefully be able to move forward from there.
What’s it like watching each other in the system during editing? I can’t even fathom seeing a body I think is mine.. but not at the same time. (P.S. love the crate coffee table!)
ps I never saw your videos until today, I am going to try to watch all of them. I am 56 and in Florida, I realized I had this mostly by 2005. Been learning in layers, mostly by own research and trial and error.
For us, when someone is co con, our actions are completely different and our accent can change. For example, I, the host may be talking and our protector (who had a Russian accent) will be co con to make sure the people who I am talking to is safe and wouldn’t hurt me. There will be some words where it sounds very Russian and her accent will come out. Sometimes the posture or even the vibe I give off will change. I naturally have a soft and approachable vibe which means a lot of people come up to me and say hi. If my protector is co con, sometimes people wouldn’t approach me because she gives off a cold and very shut off vibe (it’s out of her control). I remember one time I was walking and I was walking with my right foot first, then the protector will be co con and my feeting changed. I started walking with my left foot (I tripped up actually). So I stopped and reassured her that nothing could hurt me and that I was safe. She could see for herself if she felt that it wasn’t the case. She believed me and went off. I got my feeting back and I kept walking. Just this systems experience though :3.
For us switching is line the feeling of way too much benedryl. It's a floating withdrawl, a lost like becoming more of a 3rd person to existance. Is an airy feeling and the harder the trigger that initiates the switch, the faster we go from zero to lift off if you will. Incompletely agree with Co-pilot feeling. When we are both close to the front, the best way to tell is our reaction to stimulus. He's more of a touch oriented person, and thrives on closeness to things, where I'm more of a standoffish eye roll response to touch.
I am not diagnosed, I don't live with DID, but each day I am starting to think more and more that I do. I can relate to a lot of the cases that I watched here as well as other channels, because I had a couple of episodes in the past that I couldn't explain and no one else could, I feel it could be it, but I don't know how to access it by myself or get help, since here in Brazil it is way more difficult to get information and a good therapist specialized on it (Seriously, being a psychologist myself, I know what I am talking about) Let me tell some of the episodes: * When I was a teen I was very into theater, I was the leader of theater club, always being cast as main character of the plays and all... One day we would have to audition to a very special play with a foreigner director and for our audition we had to prepare a presentation like if we were doing a job interview for the circus, so we had to ask for a job and do a presentation of our talent, it could be for a clown, juggling, whatever... I wanted to get the part so much, but I was too nervous because I don't have any circus talent so I didn't prepare anything, still I went to audition hoping for the best with nothing to present. I was sweating like I was dying, freaking out, but when they called my name, I felt dizzy, I got up on stage and started to talk with a different accent that I don't even know where it came from. I did a monologue pleading my case to be the treasurer of the circus (wtf???), I did like a whole stand up routine, everyone was laughing and I got it! But, when I finished it, I didn't know how it happened, I had no control, it was like I was watching it happens, but the words were flying from my mouth with me not thinking of it, I couldn't even imitate the accent again. I don't know why I said those things and how quickly I could thought in the whole story I just had told everyone while on stage... I kind freaked out, started to ask my family and tell them that, but no one cared, only an aunt, but she is spiritist and she said it could've been a friend from another spiritual plan helping me... Well, with time I accepted that and I was happy because I got the part, so either way it was good, right? But now I keep thinking if maybe it was an alter co-consciousness? I don't know, I just want answers. * I had a couple of other ones when I was older, in my twenties... They were all very similar so I will not get into so much details of each one, but what mostly happened is that I "went back in time" in my mind... When I was in a romantic relationship and very much in love, sometimes when we fought and it was huge, like "breaking up and the house exploding" huge, my brain just "shut down" and I fainted, seconds after I woke up and I didn't remember the fight, I was happy, I was very much ok, because I "went back in time", for me none of that had happened, I was living the best phase of the relationship and had no pain. Once it stayed for 2 weeks or so, but during it I kept losing time and time again, I could be driving and in the next moment I didn't even remember getting into the car, so I had to stop it and call my mom to ask what I was doing or if she knew where I was supposed to be going so I could continue my way... But strangely enough one day it would go back to normal, every memory returned as usual and I could remember again everything before, during and after my "episode", like if I was living in another dimension and then came back to my body and all the memory got summarized together again. Since It was never persistant for more than hours or 2 weeks (that one case) and when I remembered it was always me, not another person driving my body (at least the sensation I felt is that it was me the whole time), I just concluded that it was like a protection of my brain for really bad situations of stress, I didn't even think of an alter, just me blacking out to "forget", like dissociative fugue or something. I don't know, I am very confused, for years I could remember it so clearly and vividly (the time I was w/o memory) that I started to questioning if I was faking it 'cause when I remember that time, I knew the bad things that happened, but I acted like I was ok? But I also remember not knowing it? I think I might be going crazy. Sorry for this gianormous text :/
@ Thanks for trying yo help us. I just wanted to clarify to you that we do have DID and it was diagnosed when the body was 28 years old (now it is 31). The alter who posted this didn't know about it. He was away for 8 years now, the last time we saw him was when we were 23, at the time he was the host for 2 years and it was very dangerous to us. We used to call him "the depressed one" (before knowing better), that is why he was feeling alone, with no one to talk, seeking for help and support and the reason why his memory was confused and remembering that "blank" time years ago (when he was hosting). When he fronted, we tried to fill his memory with the primary information updated like where do we live, that we got married and stuff... But maybe it was too much and his memory started to get blurry and gave him this sensation that it was the same memory but from different people (since the memory was mine and I was the one passing it to him). He was not around when we got diagnosed, he was not aware of the system or other alters, he thought he was the only one and freaked out with the summary of memories. You don't need to worry about us, we are fine and we already learned how to deal with it. We have a degree in psychology which helps a lot!!! He just fronted because we were stressed due to unemployement for more than a year, so he stayed with the body for 6 days this time and we were able to take over again (last time we didn't know about DID and it was very very unpleasant when he stayed for a coulpe of years). Right now we are a system of 4 active alters and with him back, so 5. The rest was already integrated a long time ago (including 'José', the one he mentioned in the theater episode that he was not sure about). From these 5 active alters, actually only 3 were/are hosts and have a lot of responsability over the years in our life outside the headspace, it is me George 03; the one who posted this; And Jason. The other 2 almost never surface anymore, it is a little called Gg and a fictive called Pacey. Well, I want to apologize about his initial comment, he was confused and at least he was looking for help but not in the correct place.
Whenever I switch I have a lot of amnesia, but it is not complete blackout. I remember fractioned memories, but they feel like the memories of another person. And they are not always enough to know if I have done everything I need to do making me have to play detective.
We go to our first therapy appointment in February, and we’re planning on trying to get our therapist to understand that we have voices/alters/headmates. We don’t really have too much time loss between us, but some of us do. We have no idea what’s going on with our system. We have one main host and three co-hosts currently. Mostly our co-hosts can communicate with others and co-con with the host normally, but at other times it’s really hard for us hosts to get information to others far into headspace.
I have akin my co-con as playing with a virtual reality headset. Instead of just the headset its your whole body. (Like the episode of black mirror striking viper. If you know you know) when the host is co con with another split (our name for alters. We don't like alters cause its a reminder of the alters from a bad church life) the person is wearing the vr set. The amount of input from the vr set varies. It could be that we feel, hear, and see everything or only see things but not hear, or hear but not see and such. When we are not co con its like we don't have that vr set on. For us switching is like this feeling of being pulled back almost as if we're fainting into our mind. Or as if someone is pulling us from a doorway. Then the door to the active world shuts. It can get real confusing and off. Especially when you the host feels like your co con majority of the time. Cause there was a lot of must not express yourself 100% in our childhood we have set up rules to fit our own system. Now as a system who recently learned that she may have DID its a struggle to learn exactly what's going on but its something I want to learn so thank you for these videos.
Daniel you are so authentic, well spoken and informative, I knowcsomethings up with me but trauma throughout out my life to part frozen in time no doubt to protect my selves, long story short it is time and I am safe to accept my system and do some integration, as I need the skills from different times learned from different parts?.
My system is like we are at a round table discussing everything. And when we switch it is like one of us goes into the back of the room. If one of us wants to be out then they can. But we all ways make sure that we know who's up front. It's the mains wishes. Not all of us listen but we try.
I have a question? So my therapist says I have "fragments of myself" but I feel like they are their own person VERY STRONGLY, but because I'm aware of everyone and I don't change (like how people with DID change looks, voice, etc) It's not DID. Can fragments feel so real like that?
I'm not a psychologist so this is a bit out of realm of understanding. I'm sure it's possible for them to feel real even if they're not, but it's not really my place to say exactly what these fragments of yours are. I'll just tell you what my therapist tells me when symptoms get confusing: Keep an open mind and just observe where things go. Mental health and the brain in general are such tricky beasts. -Wyn
pixie1310 I definately second what wyn said (or Daniel... I don't recall who commented), but u would also note that the changes can be very subtle, and I've had different parts (I use the term "parts" just like this channel used the term "headmates", but it's the same as "alters"), but I've had various, separate parts of myself, with my same name, who were unaware of each other for most my life, but I would have memory gaps while they were "out front" and I had no knowledge of what I had been doing. I think an important note that is easily overlooked with DID is that it WAS developed as a coping skill, to help our survival, and, while have different parts of myself, some with very different collections of memories than others, and often vastly different likes and dislikes (which helped when there was a situation that would have been too overwhelming for me, so another part could like the opposite of what I like), but overall, the "goal" isn't to call attention to ourselves are various different personalities, it's just to function as best as possible in our given circumstances. So just be aware that typically there is a "purpose" behind why each part was created, as it's served a place in helping the person survive and cope. That being said, I used to make up like... Imaginary friends, essentially, in my mind, and I would feel better about my situation by feeling less alone that way. I was well past an age where it would have been appropriate to have imaginary friends, so it's not something I shared with others, and that was well before anyone ever suspected I had DID. that was just... My way of coping with loneliness, and affirming, even silently to myself, that I was important. I tend to see a lot of ways that complex PTSD and DID can be similar, and I clearly don't know enough about you or your situation etc to have any idea of if you might meet criteria fo any specific disorder, but it's good you're doing a therapist, and like it was already suggested, try and just keep an open mind. I think people tend to want to have a specific label to make us feel better sometimes (I've felt that way before, too), but I've also realized that even within a specific diagnosis, there's so many unique ways of experiencing that thing, and overall, there's a lot of gray areas and overlap. I would try and focus on what in your life/thought process /etc is causing you *distress *.... If you feel strongly about something, but it's not causing you disruption or distress in your life, that's generally a good thing... Even if you may have a unique system in your mind of various characters, if they aren't causing you problems, than I would try and look at what IS causing you challenges and work on those things. At the end of the day, it's just about being the happiest and healthiest self(ves) you can be, so just focus on what's impacting your life regularly, and if that becomes something that's causing you problems or challenges,and you feel your therapist isn't understanding your perception, it might be worth bringing up with and discussing with them, and /or just meeting with another therapist to get a second opinion. I hope you find peace and happiness in your life!
