Signs and Relationship Patterns of Dating a Narcissist - Codependency and Complex Trauma - Part 3/10 

I don’t know where this guy came from but he’s really really good. Direct, honest, straightforward. He doesn’t shy away from the truth. He articulates the lived experience for so many that have been traumatized.

This is the complete timeline of my last almost 5 years. I can't believe how textbook these relationships are. Trying to explain your situation to your family and friends is nearly impossible. Thank you for this.

I watched part 1 and I started to weep because he was describing my life! My jaw actually dropped because he described my top problem and that is I lost myself and I can’t find me again. Thank you. After 9 years of misery I need answers and I deserve to understand what was wrong with me. Well now I think I understand that I am not too nice or a people pleaser but I have been an enabler. It has made me excessively unhappy and has taken precious time away from me. I’m 65. This has affected my health. I want to be happy before I die. Thank you so much. My conversation with my therapist will be interesting! You are very clear and concise. You are very easy to understand. Love the complete honesty!

No one can understand this abuse unless they experienced it!!!!😢 more frustration!!! They can’t imagine it! Too much like a nightmare!!!

I just recently discovered your channel and I have to say after 3 1/2 years of studying narcissism this has to be probably the best overall, well-rounded videos I have seen on the subject. Kudos to you Tim!

This man is really good. He must be a really great counselor. This information is priceless yet seems harder to achieve the healing we all desperately need even if we truly want it

I have been bingeing many of your series for the last 2 weeks. What an education! I am the codependent and have been married to an alcoholic/narcissist for 25 years until I was suddenly discarded. I have sent the last 2 years trying to understand what happened there was no explanation. This has been the most painful experience I have ever been through. I’ve been in Al Anon for the last 4 years and have worked hard but it hasn’t answered all for me. This however I believe has been the missing piece to my recovery. Thanking you for your service doesn’t seem enough. Your words are to healing to me. I thank God for putting you in my path. You are very articulate. Thank you Pastor Tim, please continue sharing your message. So many of us are struggling and your words have the power to heal.

So enlightening. You have put this whole devastating problem from the subconscious mind to the conscious mind. When this happens a person can now act, not react to a broken person, like the narcissist. Knowing is power. Thank you Tim..... keep it coming!

Love this! My ex narc would always blame me for his cheating ways “if you did not question me or argue with me I would not text her”.. Thank you Jesus for saving me from a toxic and evil relationship.

Spittin’ facts. Tim is ballin’ hard here. Him and Sam Vaknin are the goats when it comes to this type of content.

This series is nothing short of phenomenal. Thank you!

I started shaking when I watched this. I feel like I was living with a monster/predator/narcissist. This WAS my 33 year marriage with my ex I survived only by maintaining radio silence during the separation (friends insisted I do that). He, of course, brought me cookies, flowers and wrote notes. “Together we’ll get though this.” It’s been four years now. Yesterday I figured out I was codependent. I’ve got a lot of work to do.

This is exactly what my narcissist mother has been doing to me. She tries to convince me that I am ugly, fat, unattractive, no men would ever find me sexy, and that she sacrifices for my education so I owe her bigtime and forever, and that my career isn’t satisfying and my job is shameful. However, in FACT, I have a Ph.D. degree and now teach in a middle ranking University. I am top three popular teacher in my department. And I have no problems getting a date if I want to. Gaslighting, brainwashing and manipulating are what they do, even if they are your mother, they still do the same things.

This message with the story of Esther, a favorite in the Bible, gives such hope to me! Thank you, Tim for loving God, His Truth and people who are broken. You are a man after God's heart Sir! ❤️🙏🕊

I prayed for truth to Jesus who I’m just getting to really know. A relationship with the real Jesus was stolen during childhood by Spiritual Narcissist abuse. My relationships are painful and codependent so I prayed to him for help today and this video appeared in my timeline. I’ve cried all the way through so far but the validation and hope I feel can only come from the comfort of a God who loves me. Thank u for this divine work

A completely accurate narrative of my marriage. Brought to a zero. But I did not die. I learned about what I was dealing with, and then, why, and I got out. Rebuilt, then my family did not like the boundaries I built in my recovery and discarded me. At least this time I understood what was happening.

Scary...but good scary. The scales kind of hurt when they are pulled off our eyeballs. Little by little with many prayers for the courage to look straight at "IT" and take a breather from self flagellation.

I greatly appreciate that you are sharing your knowledge and wisdom so generously. This type of information should be included in the senior years of high school and in college courses as well, together with counselling assistance to those who need to make changes to their behaviour. Like a child, who needs a village to be raised, adults need also the support of the whole society to be able to function in a healthy and conscious manner. Thank you!

I’m not a religious person but your explanations are super in-depth and enjoy the fact that you are just not glossing over the subject matter. Going through a lot currently but your synopsis have been super helpful for understanding me and my outlook on life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for putting this out there.

We all relate to one another from our wounded self. I have isolated myself for years now after my long relationship. Finally now I'm undestanding a bit better my codependency issues and deaping with it and setting some serious boundaries so I stay in my healthy lane and not inviting people who are not healthy. You have to put the work. It's not easy nor pretty.

This is extremely generalised, Empaths also love bomb, often they don’t realise it is also transactional. Doing nice things for people makes them feel happier and more loved when the other person smiles, they want to smile too. Their intentions aren’t bad.

I filed for divorce and went no contact .. he is making divorce hell but it was the best decision of my life. No contact will be in place for life !

I have been in addiction recovery for 10 years and then really immersed my self into codependency recovery 5 years ago as well. Basically I still struggle with being my own person. I still struggle with adulting...lots of emotional anorexia and isolation. I'm neither my old unhealthy self nor totally on the independent highway...wish life would be easier...in-between life.

This is excellent info. I have to say, it’s much less painful to see unhealthy patterns from a healthy distance !

By far the most profound teaching in understanding these dreadful, soul destroying, debilitating dynamics. Wow thank you for the very best teachings in understanding and healing from the deepest, most life crippling, intense cycle of pain and suffering that i have yet to discover. Let there be light and freedom at the end of the tunnel. Thank you Father God 🙏🏻🙌🏻❤️

Praise God for Pastor Tim Fletcher of Finding Freedom, Wooohoooo!

26:00 "Giving chase is how a narc responds to rejection: saying no makes them try harder!". This explains everything 🤯😵‍💫 "Hoovering" Dosing Stage: they give you enough to get back from the current crisis. O. M. G. THIS is what he did every time i left. I wish i had understood this pattern and not believed in his fallacies. It trains them that your No doesn't mean No. Keep boundaries early in relationship: if they break boundaries, huge red flag, they will never respect your boundaries. Limbic Brain is captive to narc: go to cortex brain to get the facts and reason on facts alone.

I know this is an Old video, but sure do wish I had heard this 4 yrs ago Could have saved myself Alot of hurt and heartache. You were absolutely right on the money. Step by step. Thank you for for wisdom and knowledge you have shared with all of us. I am and will survive...Thanks be to God!!!

More people need to learn this process to protect themselves.

Most people are either codependent and narcissistic to one degree or the other. The key is to keep them from going to extremes. Balance.

I just ran across this page on the algorithm … wow this man is amazing

It's crazy how everything plays out - when I first watched this video, I was dating my ex-boyfriend and I was just watching this for self-help - helping myself resolve my own trauma. It's crazy that he turns out to be a narcissist - and the relationship played out the whole love bombing cycle - and it's the knowledge that I learned from you that helped me understand that he's actually bad for me. He's not good for me at all. I started doubting myself so much and so heavily after I started dating him.

Behavior never lies. -Jim Rohn.

You could be the best teacher I’ve heard in the 7 months I’ve been studying this topic!!! 😮❤😊

Thank you so much sir, you have answered a million questions in just 4 hours of videos I have watched from you. I will be watching more and recommending you to others

I can't thank you enough for this information, and also the way in which you explain everything without being judgemental in your presentation, Thank you pastor Tim

Love Tim’s talks, the only thing that disappointed me about this incredible information, is the referring to Narcissists more as male, rather then equally as they. Other than that, this is full of priceless information & help. Which is much appreciated.

You described well how i felt afterwards. Maybe at two year mark i will feel nothing finally. But i think i will always feel confused what happened and who is to blame for what. Confusion became my main thought process after i got to know him

This guy is SPOT ON!!!!!! Holy moly he just described exactly what happened to my relationship of 6 years. Im right now ion the discard stage

Wow, 100% spot on once again! Exactly the story with my narcissist ex fiance. Tim Fletcher, you're amazing. 🙏 You've helped me on my recovery and healing so much, just by validating the hell I lived for 3 years with the monster.

It’s great and refreshing to hear someone in the church speaking so clearly and truthfully on this topic. Thank you.

Recovery helps people set boundaries to prevent narcissist people from creating toxic relationships with others. Some of those boundaries take time to set. Some things you've accomplished may not come till later in life.

This is exactly my 6 year relationship with my ex husband. We've were separated 2 months and now divorced two weeks, and I feel that confusion and emotions all over the board. It took several months to go through with the divorce. He definitely took to FB to make me look like a horrible person. My family and friends all wonder why I stayed so long. Since we have a child together I can't cut off communication but I will definitely be careful. Thank you for this video.

The dance of two wounded souls … Narcissist and empath! My God you are insightful and right on point ‼️ 🥚 🥚🥚 You’re absolutely correct about everything 😮 😢 ‼️

excellent description of the cycle. This also applies perfectly to a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder

Thank you for your biblical perspective. Very refreshing and validating .

I’ve been looking for answers and the “WHY” of my last relationship, specifically the cheating part. You’ve helped me understand SO much and answered so many of my questions. Absolutely insane how on point you are.

God bless you for your work. I just found your videos alot of healing is being done in my life.😢

It's like you just explained the past 13years of my life. Best description of narcissistic personality I've ever heard. Thank you 🙏🏼

Mr. Big Tim. You a mentor to younger men like myself. Thank you my friend. Sincerely, El Homey Gio

So helpful. Thank you. My parents had such a toxic relationship and the whole environment was toxic, really. I have had one failed relationship after another. I am seeing not just the narcissistic traits that I tend to find in men, but also unhealthy things I do. I have been doing self-work, and I realize I have more to work on. I'm tired of unhealthy relationships. Thank you. ❤

You have articulated this perfectly. You have encompassed the experience very well. Thank you.

The rollercoaster of emotions can go on for so long. It sucks. Confused, misunderstood by friends and family, feeling alone, they move on and flaunt it, isolating and feeding loneliness (mainly to avoid grief and sadness). I never felt guilty or embarassed. I will never go back for a Hoover. I am mainly sad that my once warm feeling for this relationship and this person (even though it didn’t work out) are now not possible to have. I am most mad about that. I did much better with the break up when I thought well about the relationship and I feel like they ripped all of that history up on purpose to cause the most pain possible. Not normal. Not a normal break up at all.

You are so good at what you do! It’s the right time for me I finally get it. I hope I can keep moving toward health! Thank you for all you do!!!

This describes my past couple relationships exactly, word for word. I have wanted to isolate and feel jist far too overwhelmed, mistrusting, and confused to try and build new relationships. I know it’s not good for me and I’m trying to figure out how to clear all that out. I can say I went no contact and it’s been done done done, I will not be faulting on that. Thank u for your words! Very helpful and sadly accurate.

Thank you so much Mr. Fletcher. You also explain everything extremely clear and comprehensive for everyone to understand. I truly believe the Almighty uses you to give light to these extemely difficult complications we experience daily in our lives. I also love your Bible studies at the end, thank you so very much! God bless you and your family always! You are a treasure

Thank you for sharing your knowledge sir. You are making a difference in my own life. This is the understanding I seek.

100% spot on!! This is my life with my first husband! After remarrying to a wonderful man who we have a son together, we had to watch him go through the same heartbreaking nightmare with, thank the Lord, now is his x-wife! 🙌

This is what my girlfriend was like. She was able to give me everything I could ever wanted in the beginning. I gave her everything and was always willing. We are now at a place that I said “I’m feeling anxious about something and would love to talk about it”. She blew up and came out with “that sounds like a you problem”

Yep this person who wants sex and the moving together real fast has a motive, and that is a dangerous abusive person.

Tim, i can see your gift from God. Yes, your lectures do help alot. I have family with Bipolar, Naricssistic. With honest prays i came to conclusion she has bipolar. I was confused which phychology i was understanding. After many months i came to conclusion she has "lower" Bipolar. She did lie this was my reasoning to conclude to be a Narcissistic. Yet i understand for lying? She was influenced. Trust has become the forefront check and balance.

We feel deep emotional feelings for narcissist people cause the foreign exchange rates vary in language and mind when dealing with your own feeling.. it confused you to the point that you forget what it's like to be on your own. It makes you regret relationships.

This was my parent’s marriage. The Esther story is mind blowing 🙏

This is honestly the best breakdown of a narcissistic relationship that I’ve ever seen, it’s so simple , so clear and straightforward.

I'm so excited. This was wonderful and to hear about God also. What a moment to come across this video since looking into my codependency for the first time... For such a time as this. Praise God, this was SO, SO on point.. Wow, thank you

I think this whole lecture is absolutely spot on and brilliant, but I am guessing it’s also about 90% of every relationship out there. I mean we evolved to attract and be attracted to each other, and we used to live for only about 30 years. Which means we are designed to fall in love and mate at a very young age. I don’t think any humans had time to become this mature before they pair bonded.

Thank you so much for creating this series. I wish I had watched it 4 years ago. I'm grateful that God brought me here now. The story of Esther was very inspirational and gave me hope.

15:08 Devaluing Stage: disrespect enters the relationship, lash out, blame you for their discontent. Walking on eggshells. Becomes verbal, emotional, physical abuse. Financial abuse. Both get discontent: the narc begins to justify cheating. Become a parasite to mooch off of you. More conflict, anger, fear => becomes gaslighting: gets you to doubt your reality. Wear your self image down to zero. The narc is the only one with a realistic view: you have zero self image, zero worth. Cycle of honeymoon & blow up, until all becomes destroyed. Discard Stage: replace you with someone else, no longer the mirror they need. They groom and mirror a new person who feeds the narc anew. The narc is all about their image. They accuse you of stuff you've never dreamed of doing: projection. They do damage control, broadcast their new image. They flip a switch: they don't end with you until somebody new is set up. Sudden end, no answer questions, no explanation. Unavle to maintain wonderful personality: coldness cruelty, no remorse, done & gone.

You have described exactly what I am going through. I need help. Lost my job over it. Total isolation.

Man, I'd be afraid to give this guy a compliment lol. He's definitely on que and it frightening how much this happens in all of our lives.

Sounds great. I've only listened to the first 6 mins or so as I cannot listen to the whole thing now but I greatly appreciate these videos of yours and have learned a lot from them. Keep up the great work, guys!

Totally true. I’ve spent 18 months post narc. Trying to get my head around the 4.5 month relationship that had me leaving my lovely husband if 23 years after only meeting this man 3 times. He destroyed me via this process - exactly this process. And I’m still trying to recover. Shame, grief, boundaries, etc…. Still getting it wrong but this lecture sheds some new light in some things …..

19:35 that’s where im at right now. Discarded, replaced by someone else thrown away like trash. Heartbreaking 💔

What’s creepy is that a parent can do this type of thing to a child, minus the sex. I remember feeling so rushed to meet milestone after milestone as a kid, my friendships had to develop incredibly fast, my mom would meddle in my relationships and always push me to say “I love you” early and ask if we were dating after going out once and wanted to lean over my shoulder and push me into saying things or doing things before I wanted to. She still does it, as soon as I have a baby, she’s asking when I’ll have another. People like this, parents, romantic partners, friends, anything, they cannot stand for things to develop slowly and naturally. They love bomb but they everything bomb and everything is burning hot all the time and it drives you crazy.

Wow... listening to this I hear so much of both my own thoughts and feelings but also so many of my husband's actions and choices. It's like I can "see" all these problems, but I can do not accept their existence. I keep evaluating everything and determining that this is the best I can do now. That it is simply too late now. My options are simply not the same anymore. What I wanted in this life, the life I believed I was living, the reality I thought I was making these sacrifices for, everything I allowed to be taken, all those things I wanted and needed all along that I have always had to do without... I get stuck recalling all the memories, all those times that I thought were the best times of my life, the "perfect moments" that have all been exposed as times of lies. I simply can not move past this... why? Why can I just not accept that this is my reality? Why do I continue to go back to my hopes and dreams? Why do I continually recall my fantasy life? The life I thought I was living, the one I deluded myself into believing all this time. All those memories of stuffing down all the suspicions, the self doubt, the constant feeling of being deceived... in order to function only to learn after 20+ years that I was correct all along. Now, there is supposed to be honesty... but how could I possibly know. I can not but at the same time I am no longer desirable anymore so my options are not the same now. I wasted my youth on someone who could not ever love me the way I desperately needed... of course I must also acknowledge that the same it obviously true for him. I have not ever been what he wanted either. 😔

Some excellent advice right here. I went through this with a person and it was one hell of a rollercoaster that ended up off the tracks and I broke damn near every emotional bone in my soul.

I discovered my husband was cheating on me for the past 7 years. I realized he was a narcissist when I read up on cheaters. This video is so spot on of my 30 years with him. Thank you for your channel. It is self-affirming. I finally am understanding how I missed the signs of abuse.

They also use things you told them about in confidence against you as an excuse to discard you . Or things you cant change like your age or scars .

The stages are like the mirror of my personal experience...sad but so real.

The mirrored walls and photos of themselves everywhere are usually a give away.

thank you i just found you & this is the best ive heard over 30 years & im learning a lot about my life

I have been watching videos for years. Idk why I've just come across Tims stuff. He is amazing.

This series is phenomenal. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

He explained my relationship perfect! It's so hard. I appreciate how he brings biblical truths!! Thank you Sir, and may God continue to use you to help us..

I find it beneficial to myself, listening several times throughout my first time.

Our 4 year anniversary is coming up. Im starting to learn and understand what is happening. This message is our relationship to a tee. I love the Lord, I love marriage, believing and hoping for healing and change. Seeing and hearing everyones comments, I'm terrified that it will end in defeat. I was a single mom of 2 when we met, and now we have 2 more children of our own. I've just watched parts 1,2 and 3 over the last two days andbim just blown away. Is there hope!?😩

All I do is navigate my way through the world... Doing my best, moment-to-moment, to endure the least amount of suffering as possible... And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die. There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life. It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery. I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life. I have severe (c)PTSD. My heart is shattered. Rage and grief consume every cell of my being. I pray to heal from, and be released from, the prison of: - poverty - aches and pains - an inflexible mind and body - diabetes - PTSD flashbacks - (c)PTSD - suicidal depression - homicidal rage - grief - guilt - regret - loneliness - heartache/heartbreak - repression/suppression - soul rape - a silenced voice - a lack of boundaries - perpetual aloneness - obesity - trauma - obsession/rumination - the past - spiritual attacks and curses - parasites - heavy metal poisoning - brainwashing - terror - panic and panic attacks I MUST REMIND MYSELF: If we fight against the darkness, we are swallowed by it. If we react to the lack of visible progress with despair, we extinguish our own inner light and block the aid of the Higher Power. Step aside, yield, let go, allow people and events to pass without attachment. To have patience with oneself is to have self-love. Progress may be slow, but there will indeed be progress. Growth takes time. my dream list for what I want in my partner-to-be: 1) wealthy/generous 2) deep thinker/excellent communicator 3) warm/soft/safe/gentle/kind 4) is in regular ongoing therapy, and a men's circle, continuously doing his own emotional work and always evolving spiritually 5) deep connection to Jesus 6) traditional values, extremely chivalrous 7) wide awake/red pilled 8) calm patient excellent driver 9) loves to travel, loves to go out and do things together 10) our relationship with each other, with ourselves, with God, with our families, is always TOP priority 11) bold and free and radically honest

I wish you could also add the roles of God given masculine nature and the female nature, and how that plays into these dances. Life On planet earth is just hard. Jesus knows. He knows how to help us deal with our crap. 🙌 This has been very helpful. Thank- you. The body of Christ needs healing. We are all broken.

A lot of comments about “they” do this or that. Truth is both parties in these toxic relationships are doing things. It’s not just one issue, it’s a dual set of issues.

I have worked so hard on this...AND I am 46 and single. At least the last person was chronically depressed instead of a narcissist... just consuming.

I happened to me with my mother, after my father died. She found a guy and she did exactly what was shown here! I am still broken emotionally and physicly because I start learning what has happened. I really thought it was my fault...

This describes all of my relationships from my teens onward. The last one cost me 22 years of my life. Everything I loved in my life has either been destroyed or has become meaningless, or I am afraid to try one more time to engage in what I love. I am beyond disgusted and disappointed in myself for giving toxic people a thousand second chances. I'm done with people. I don't care what he says about loneliness. There's no worse thing than feeling utterly alone when you're living with somebody that you used to love, who has just been using you.

Great content - but does anyone else agree that the Narcissist label is used too often in general? I definitely have some narcissistic tendencies, but so did my ex. I just think people are much more complex than simple labels, and everyone has some degree of trauma, so these behaviors form in an infinite number of ways and degrees.

The more codependent/co narcissists learn not to be drawn to narcissists, the more they will be left alone with no fuel being supplied to feed their ego. This will force narcissists look at and feel their own hurts and possibly work towards changing their behaviour.

Oh my goodness!!!.. I wish I knew this decades ago!!!. If I had known how vile a narcissist is I would’ve prevented him from visitation &/or terminated his parental rights!!!!!!!. My son is 25yrs old & battling serious mental health issues! He is exhibiting Schizophrenic tendencies due to his father’s emotional abuse.. I rebuke all those dark forces & unclean spirits in the name of Jesus Christ!!! Amen 🙏🏽

What resources do you have for the narcissist themselves? A person that A. doesn't want to have those tendencies, and b. Felt tricked and used by the co-narcissist out of pity and remorse. Every resource I see glorifies the codependent as this virtuous victim and the narcissist as a dominating tyrant. Are narcissists' only choices to find another fix or kill themselves to save the world from themselves? After learning about this dynamic, it reminds me a lot of vampirism in popular culture.

Tim. The sex part is resonating so much about using it to solve problems. The pressure that creates. Also the pressure as a man from society to feel like you MUST have sex on the first date if not the second. If you don’t there must be something wrong with you. Thank you SO much for shedding light on this. I’ve felt so alone with these sexual issues for so long so I thank you for finally putting words to my experience.

Im stunned by your breakdown of Esther. The story of vashtis refusing to respect her husband is actually how God began dismantling my mutually narcissistic marriage and healing me, restoring my relationship to my parents and putting new people in my life. I said lord what do you want me to read, and opened it randomly. To esther. Looking for my 3rd and final wife. Will wait as long as it takes for me to be worthy of a proverbs 31 woman. Celibate until remarriage this time. Praise Jesus

He would say the most vile abusive things and then expect me to sleep with him. It became coercion and when I had to admit in my mind that it was assault I cried. There were rages and pouting and shame when I was not open to that after he called me a B and a C. Even after he struck me and who wouldn't be scared? I didnt want him near me, he had just showed rage and violence. I was forced into it anyway. I ended up feeling very awful. My own body did not belong to me. Meanwhile, he treats his daughter as though SHE is his wife, even though I know he is lying to use her for benefits. It still was a bad slap in the face. The man who asked me to cry quieter so he can sleep, sleeps at her home to protect her when she is crying in fear. It was sickening. And more than a little creepy, she can't keep a man either. The woman is 38 and has a daughter, she isn't a child. He has fostered such triangulation and she also introduced ideas to him that ultimately destroyed our relationship to substitute her for me. I feel very low and I cried so much my eyes are swollen shut. Those two can have each other. He faked a desire to be married and then abandoned me. And he badmouths me to her behind my back and she never stands up for me, either when I kept him off the street. A pair of rats. She's "going to take care of him when he gets old," he used to have ME for that. I am better off those people are incestuous enmeshed weirdos. Let them go on their dates together they can't get along with anyone else him or her. I am so angry at both of them. The us against the world thing he set up was apparently also a lie to isolate me. I have been utterly replaced. The good news is , I don't buy his lies anymore. Thay mask he used to wear is in the trash. I don't believe a word from his mouth.

amazing breakdown of Romans 8:28… God bless you, Tim 🤲🏽