Anger and Complex Trauma - Part 11/11 - Gaslighting 

Also grown-up children

especially PARENTS children in adult bodies

In my wife's case is a coworker

Is it sick that ive learned to do it on purpose and will do it when people do it to me?

politicians do it all the time GLOBALLY

Except at around 30mins or so, he uses family as the culprit.

@Anson7777 This is true! I have noticed that so often people are advised to "rely on their support system" when trying to get out of/recover from an abusive relationship. But what about someone like me, who has no family anymore (had to cut them out of my life to keep myself safe), or any friends. I know it's hard for some to fathom that a person could have NO friends, but this is a very sad reality for some of us! NO friends, as in ZERO. No one!

So true

Are there not some situations where the partner is soly at fault? I perceive that my partner gaslit me, but towards the end it sounds like he is responding like I was the narcissist. Like this is really sick. I didn't have family and friends. He was the only person. I truly didn't mean to criticize him. But he literally appeared to do things incorrectly on purpose. And he would tell me that's how he felt, like what you're saying verbatim. Could he have looked up this and study it to make me think I'm the narcissist. Like now I feel really fucked up

Like was I the fucking Narcissist

I think a lot of people didn’t know what it was before RU-vid

So true!

How did you get better? Are you? You seem very self aware. If you don’t mind answering. I am just trying to follow what others did to heal.

That is exactly what has always happened to me. I am booting all of these people that shrugged it off out of my life.

You'll find that whilst gaslighting they are also playing mind games with others around you, using pernicious lies and slights so they too think you're slightly crazy. Therefore they brush you off as they've already been primed against you.

tim is just fabulous

Same

I agree! So validating. I’m going to ask my therapist to watch this.

So sorry you had to survive such sickness.

Im sorry to say that your story is one i relate to so much! Ive never met anyone like me whos family pretended things with my brother didnt happen... tried to make me believe it never did... God Bless you for being so Strong!

I'm sorry you're family did that to you 😢

Thank you ver much for sharing that! It helps me because I can relate. In my case, the gaslighting and psychological manipulation when I tried to get answers and validation about the abuse was way more damaging to me than the initial abuse. I wish you healing, peace and joy now. ✌️

yes, I still remember my cousin groped me while I was sleeping, when I was in elementary student. and now he have this good image and even my own parents praised him a lot. I feel disgusted for everytime I see him but I can't tell anyone about that. I keep wondering if he still remember about it whenever he see me.

my mother 100%

I completely agree, probably the worst manipulation. If you don't know it's happening, it leaves you a pile of mush, if you survive and have the will to live.

Even if you know about gaslighting, the gaslighters, it still a good idea to have a trusted SAFE friend or SAFE therapist to run scenario because you STILL might not see it and it will still effect you. It may be you grew up with and never saw the gaslighting with family and friends, so it may be VERY hard to find a SAFE person.

@@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat Absolutely...! 🙏

Minds like MSM!

The truth hurts so bad. This is the best explanation i have heard so far. It will be a journey out and this gives me hope. I went no contact and I am greatful for these videos to help walk through what to expect and how to deal with this better. God keeps telling me I have today with Him..let's walk in healing. Thank you for posting this.

Amazing right? He has got it down to a T

The problem is that people convince themselves that even a ham sandwich is a gaslighting narcissist

@@benguensche Ladies and Gentlemen, we found 'em.

Good point, a lot of people default to fake niceties and will say things that are not genuine but for the purpose of keeping the peace, looking good to others, avoiding conflict at all cost, or because it's more convenient and less bothersome and so on but what differentiates them from narcissists is that they usually don't have the other narcissist characteristics. People should still reflect and resolve why they are running away from being genuine because there is too much fakeness in the world to the point that it creates unhealthy lives, creates people that are consumed by what others think and then they in turn do the same to others, and that can often result in peer pressure, lying and sometimes in bullying.

Yes gaslighting for addressing gaslighting! Classic!

MSM...

Story of my life

😅

Don’t feel alone.. I fell for it too

It's never too late to be true to yourself

I’m in the same situation. I’m 55. I send you love from Québec city. ❤🫂

64 here and feel exactly the same. For some things it is too late. But other 5hings we still have time for.

I'm 73 and finally healing in the last 2 years. It's NEVER too late to heal from a gaslighting parent. (in my case, a grandiose narcissist mother who delighted in physically, psychologically & emotionally abusing & minimizing her children... & an absent codependent alcoholic father). After decades of therapy, I'm finally working with a therapist who's a trauma specialist & helping me heal my inner child. I realized that I just don't have many years left & I HAD to figure this out & heal before I leave this earth! And I finally am! And you CAN heal too!

I’m 50 and still learning and rebuilding myself. Narcissistic parents and just got divorced after a 30 years long relationship of codependency. Everyday is a new step in our lives journey. Everyday is a new day ❤

I was there. You can do this. Keep educating yourself and getting validation of what you have experienced and in a couple of years time you’ll be strong. I thought I would never heal but I was wrong. Still on the path, not the same person ( and that’s sad), but I am stronger and wiser. Take good care of you.

You aren’t alone in this struggle.

you are doing great

Me too😭

Please leave those people I don’t know you but no one deserves this behavior in there life. I got out and it’s taken a few years to make a decision with asking someone. My life is much more peaceful and I can see how messed up they are now that they are not around. I cut off both parents and spouse. My children tell memories of how screwed up our situation was. I want to try to make things right and I had so many much financially to lose. I started video taping and I knew it wasn’t me. Some of my friends still blame me tell me it’s in my head but my children know.

Same 😢

Yeah I don’t remember most of my childhood. I’m still amazed by people that actually remember it. 😅😂😂

Same

True Narcissism is the worst kind of abuse , it is the worst of worst of abuse.

Wow, glad you acknowledged, identified and literally escaped with your life. These people are so slick and cunning that they can slip in undetected bc the web has already captured your heart with their wilds. They are some of the most dangerous and sickest people in the world. And when you find yourself making excuses for them when others say something then your own your way to losing. So glad you were strong enough to leave

What I’ve appreciated most is that someone can tell me why I do the insane things I do with being insane. I’M NOT CRAZY!!! And I’m not alone. Plus, turns out I’m sorta a badass-an awkward one though, like walking blindfolded in a dark room through water. We’re all so much stronger than most people will ever know. We were mentally crushed and/or Erased by the very people we’d usually (and often did) because there was no one left to run to when we had something to run from! I can’t treat my girls like that, although too often they seen my protect myself when I feel rejected. Well, I see self-protection and they see punishment for saying no to me.

@@punyashloka4946 It’s like someone finally being interested in and loving you. With a smile full of practiced charm, they invite you into a warm embrace-just so you’re close enough to (surprise!) rip your guts from your body and then convince you that it’s what you wanted or needed. Then they go away and you’re left to shove enough of your guts back in to keep going.

Yes 🙌🏾 is I don’t know how he popped up on my algorithm but I’ve been watching a lot of of his videos and following. He is a fresh breath air. ❤

I hope you are healing, l am sorry you have suffered such pain and abuse.

This is pure evil: triangulation mixed with gaslighting and isolate you. I’m so hoping you’re in a better place now💜

How *now* wisdom owl? How you doing?

This happened to me by my ex over a 22 year marriage; prior to that by my narcissistic family. I’m surprised I’ve survived this far. I hope you have. I think this abuse causes most suicides.

It’s called a “smear campaign “

Thank you for taking the time to write this comment. I have felt this. I have been arguing with it. Disbelieving it. Now I know it was telling me my truth! 😮

This is my story!!

Wow my hysband works six days a week but reminds we need money so I dont spend anything never came out to help me with my horses unless I insisted and when we do things "together" he isnt anywhere near me ie went fishing he always ends up on the other side of the lake even on our honeymoon I began to buy my own presents because hes cheap 36 years ive been in this

This is exactly how my ex was in our marriage.

You just described m life my husband 🤦‍♀️

My mother told me I was painfully shy, but the family dysfunction ignored. Those two things don't make any sense whatsoever. If she saw pain, how could have the pain have been projected onto the outside world as an excuse and the child blamed and ignored, was this the way emotional neglect was handled in the 60's? What a bunch of weak ass crap.

Amen ❤

I became scapegoat at around 11 years old when last sibling was born. I loved that little girl. I took care of her a lot now she’s like her mother and other siblings….narcissists. Me and my dad were emotionally brutally abused. He never figured it out period after the last child finished college he finally divorced her. When he got old and I’m able to care for himself so well narcissists stepped in and pretended to bring him back into the fold invited him for holidays etc.… And manipulated inheritance. I got screwed. I refuse to see how horrible those family members really were. I kept making excuses for them. My position escaped out followed me into the workplace. Life has been tough

Ditto

Did she ever say your too sensitive?

@@tomk2926 No. after a while, I simply shut down my feelings and accept that that’s just a baseline for me. If I’d been unhappy about whatever was going on: 1. She’d prey on that weakness, but not at that moment. She’d keep it to win by hurting me another time. Or… 2. She frequently said “If you don’t like it you can leave.” What I could never do was go to my bedroom and just be alone. But I couldn’t cry there because we had no doors anywhere except those those we could almost close completely. BESIDES, she would always ask me what I was “doing up there that I can’t do down?” So I just shut it all up and went downstairs to do nothing but sit by her and do nothing. Nothing! Even at 20! I didn’t go away to college, or get an apartment, or run into the night. For the first time in my life, I didn’t ask if I could leave. She hadn’t acknowledged at all for two days (again!) all I had planned to do was watch a movie at a college mate’s house. So when I told her my plan, she said, “If you go, don’t come back.” So I went and didn’t go back. The next day was my 21st birthday and what pushed me in was my certainty that nothing would change and I would probably die in a roach- and rodent-infested 100 year old 18-room house alone. So what’s your story?

@@mysterydiaz5302 I was 8-9 years old when my mother got pregnant with my only (half) sibling. Just before my brother was born, one day she casually told me someone would come to a place where I’d stay in a closet and feed me when they felt like it. I soon put enough pieces to know place where kids went to when they didn’t have parents. The only way I wouldn’t have no parents if they got rid of me. At bedtime I asked why no one had come, there was no “I was teasing you honey/idiot.” It was never, ever “honey”! Instead, it was, “They forgot about you. They’ll probably come tomorrow.” Like you, I adored my brother. Unfortunately, after feeling unwanted and unloved, I have spent 50 years worrying about food, my brother represented the fact that was living in her house on borrowed time and needed to serve a purpose. So keeping food and a bedroom. And now I’m trying to let go of an overwhelming, unhealthy way of being “if found, please call ----.” It’s only been about six months since I’ve put my past in better perspective. Since then, I’ve been willing to relax around my husband of 26 years! 😏 And I can see that there is a lot of collateral damage to put in place and clean up. And my two adult daughters have their own to dust up from having me as their mother. So I figure this is a good to have a fresh look to see what insecurities I’ve passed on, help if I can for mistakes that will make life unnecessarily difficult, and if honestly admit when I am confident I did the VERY BEST AI could with what I had to work with! After all, I don’t know how much time I’ve got left. It’s like George Michael sang “and I wanna get me some happy.” 😉

You must be mistaken because Tim is speaking directly to me 😂

So very sorry , how are you doing now?

Or perceived insult

My God. and I mean, I am calling on My God! I am 70. My mother always told me I am too sensitive. She is 92, still using her tactics, is very unhappy because she married an old coot who has OCD and she tells everyone that he is autistic! She is getting what she deserves. Your life is important to Jesus. Dont end it. Grow and learn. Look at yourself and tell yourself Jesus loves you, he died for you, and you must love in order to get through this.

important word here is Ex...means you recognized abuse

​@@elisemiller13 eventually yes.

@Ken Richard I don’t have those skills 😁, nor the time. 😊

OH MY GOD!!!!! You wrote EXACTLY my situational synopsis, SAME, all details .. so soul destroying

20 years. Damn you must be a special kind of stupid.

That's the hard part, isn't it? We get the abusers out of our life, but we're still left with their words ringing through our mind, body, spirit, and soul.But going no contact is a good start. Then we have the space to begin to think clearly and do the hard work of healing.

My mother is the queen of re-writing history! I was rendered speechless with my jaw dropped to the floor on occasions when she would spin a story that never happened, or what did actually happen but she made up a completely different outcome (of course which put her in a positive light, or her as the victim). I went no contact 4 years ago, finally at the age of 56! I'm now 60, and trying to heal the best I can with the years I have left in my life.

@@christinelamb1167 When I finally brought up all the childhood memories and abuse to my mom I was in my 40s....she didn't "remember" any of it. Instead she said I just like to focus on the negative instead of the positive, like her. Abusers are all the same.

Yes! 💯

They should be TEACHING this shit in Public Schools, to educate children how screwed up our Fsmilies are.

I agree w you🌟🌼💛

Omg...get out!

@@bellakrinkle9381 I did and I walked away from everyone finally

Well said! That's exactly what drives them.

Don't give up. Pray the following I am the living essence of love and I thankfully receive its healing now. I am open to receive more love, more health and more peace now. ❤️

How are you doing now Kirsty? Hope you’re getting better :)

I am 60 years old. I HEARD every word you said. ♡

So sorry to read this, I understand completely 😢

cherish that friend. he/she speaks truth. that's rare.

I found a letter from my mother to my 10 yo self and when I showed it to my adult son he said "omg I hadn't realised how bad it was!" I didn't know how bad it was because I was constantly gaslit. My own son validated my experience!

You’re not alone ❤ Praise God you got out! Now let’s pray for others to get out also🙏💜

Wow!

I think he's speaking about this like this because gaslighting in childhood makes you susceptible to it even more as an adult. He's speaking about rejecting gaslighting moving forward.

All that was needed on your part was to apply it to yourself and your own situation. Whether adult to child or adult to adult gaslighting is gaslighting.

@@Gemmarose9012not really

He has plenty of videos that talk about childhood trauma you can find

I live alone now too, and whenever I meet someone new I examine carefully everything they say and do, looking for red flags! I have no more time or energy to devote to abuser, and I'd rather be alone and at peace than with someone who only wants to take advantage of me, or hurt me deliberately.

I like how you said "maternal figure". I have also heard "the woman who gave birth to me". I may start using those terms, rather than "my mother", since she certainly was never that to me!

It’s NEVER too late to get the right kind of Help. God Loves You !!! Let God Guide you to the Right Help.

It take years to recover and having children means you can’t break away completely 😢 I wish you well and good fortune on your healing journey ❤

I know that feeling 😢