Collapsed Covert Narcissist: Indifferent Doormat, No Boundaries 

I would rather be without an intimate partner than be with a Narcissist. I will choose to be alone rather than waste my time with the likes of a Narcissist.

In the end, I was bored shitless by a covert narc. Once I'd figured out the patterns and underlying issue, it was so dull, so predictable.

The more I learn, the crazier they seem.

After years of passive/ submissive behavior, it was a total shock to watch the covert Narcissist explode and descend into serious Mental illness. Your description of the trip into madness and the resulting destruction to others around them is eerily accurate. The church going passive mouse suddenly lied, manipulated, abused and attempted to destroy their unsuspecting family . The collapsed covert hid this very well. It was a complete shock. And it was terrifying. The only protection is recognition, documentation & exposure of the behavior as necessary. And no contact. Thank you for this very important description & explanation of these conditions & behavior .

My father was an overt narc. My mother a covert narc. When my father left us my mother became overt. She would become covert at her job and overt at home.

Before I knew my ex was a narcissist, I could only describe his behaviour as a ‘personality transplant’. “I just want my husband back” I used to cry! Now it all makes sense, it made no sense back then

I agree completely. After over 60 years of living with toxicity of various individuals, I agree with you completely. At one point I even thought it was multiple personalities when the switching occurred. But then I would see where the switch and/or supply that created the switch, came from.

This could cause reactive abuse from their victims. If the person you are having conflict with or is not engaging within your emotions on any level would build up a high level of frustration. This reactive abuse further proves to the narcissist that you are below them which produces supply.

Sam, completely agree with your claim about being both covert and overt. My ex partner switched from being covert to overt overnight. Once she moved out of our family home with our 2 year old child. It seemed that because she was at a distance and she had posession of something I wanted (my son), she became almost omnipotent and forthright in her demands, previously she was more insidious and passive. It was astonishing to see the complete change in personality!

Thank you for taking the time to explain their ability to oscillate between personalities. I experienced these “episodes” twice with my ex. Your videos, I have provided me with the knowledge needed to have a better understanding of his mental state and helped to accept that there is no use in trying to salvage a relationship that was never real.

This is interesting. When I evaluate my previous relationships with two narcissists, I did see them oscillating between an overt and covert personality.

Thank you for giving so much of yourself to help me understand who the narcissist is. I have listened to many of your videos, but this one particularly helped me. My mother (now deceased) is a narcissist. It took my whole life to understand what happened to me and why. In my damaged state I have embarrassed myself while lashing out in a public way and now have withdrawn to be alone. It will not surprise you to learn that I spent my life seeking one narcissist after another to replicate what my mother did. You have helped so much. Thank you.

Dear sir, this is the story of my life. Scary .

I wrote down at least 6 personalities which my narc presented. It's super scary. He had one side that I was sure could've been the death of me. Showed up in the very end, just before I got the courage to leave. Terrible times. Scared out of my mind.

There is so much information about the narcissistic personality disorder. But I still feel the need to get answers. Im not looking for the thing I already know but to get rid of this tragedy that she did to me for over 7 years. The information im getting is devastating only because of the information sounds like its all ok for the narcissist to do what they want to do to you at any given time. In witch gives me reactive behavior. Had I known my relationship with my narcissist would end up being discarded I would have never gotten into the relationship to begin with. My heart led me to believe that she was my true love and honesty. But I was living a lie. And so are we all. So how do we get past our trauma bonded relationship. Im still trying to understand what happened. And watching these videos on narcissistic personality disorder DOES NOT give the narcissist a green light to just do what they want to do. Because ITS NOT OK. Yes. Exposing them about cheating or lying hurts them. Because they know what they are doing is so very WRONG. But continue to do what they want to do. I know i (You )cant change them. But to change myself. The way i think. The way i feel. My thoughts. Can I ever let another woman in my life. Do I trust them. Yes I know i need to heal my heart and my life before i can think about someone else in my life. Maybe I’ll just get a Dog. That is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. God bless you all and prayers for you all. May peace be with you.

I experienced this with my 13 year bf. This is such a brilliant explanation. He is so mentally ill. Thank you for this Sam.

Professor Vaknin, thank you.

This was one issue I was struggling to understand, with overt/covert being "this" OR "that". I was thinking about this the other day and it was bothering me so much that I was going to ask about it. This makes so much sense because in my situation, I have seen both in the same person.

Thank you Sam...You are describing my exhusband...Covert-pretending interest,hidden agenda,dual personality-the switching between I am bad-inferior and in 5min I am the best-grandiosity...When I by chance pulled his mask down and uncovered his second world..he came out as a psychopath...I was scared on one side and very angry at the other...angry at the black hole I was looking in...And yes quick NC was the only solution...

Incredible video. Sam you really helped me heal but now inspire me to study. My ex will be reduced to a case study. Fascinating subject.

As I'm sure you are aware, there are some VERY popular youtube channels that talk about this topic. I would personally love if you called them out by name and give examples of their complete BS. I fell for them when I first started this journey of understanding some family dynamics. They truly are doing a disservice and at worst it's dangerous.

This is so true, all of it.. when me and my husband are out at grocery store , no alcohol,he is covert he doesn’t care who I’m talking too or what is going on but if we plan a night out and he is drinking he is very protective of me... I see and understand this now..Thank you

Thank you for explaining the dual personality.

Nice lecture. One thing I don't understand is how the narcissist can be both self aware and delusional. It seems that their self awareness is limited if they are delusional.

When they switch....I believe, through my own experience of being the the primary intimate partner, I have been left with feeling crazy. Maybe they were right....I'm the crazy one. I ruminate and ruminate...to where I am making myself crazy just wondering if I am crazy... So....I am listening to Your Videos...I'm making sense of it all, little by little, every single day. What I have experienced is true. I had the inner strength to leave....all done by myself....slow, exact planning while living with the mean, devaluation of the Narc Husband. When I think of it....4 mths later....I was/am pretty damn strong...not too bad for a 'Crazy' person

This is a tortured existance. Today you answered the question I have been asking myself for a year... and YES! I DID THE RIGHT THING!.

This makes so much sense. The duality of personalities is very scary/confusing and I can completely see how NPD could fall under DID. Fascinating.

Brilliantly framed and refined analysis by Professor Vaknin.

Brilliant, Sam! Thank you

Thank you for your insight Prof Vaknin. You give us so much information on illness, could you discuss about normal personalities, so that we can compare to what is sickness and wha tis normal, because millions of experts keeps talking about illnesses but no one talks about what is normal compare to illnesses, we are confused at the present moment if we are to work with so many therapist to help young people to understand what is normal compare to sickness. Many thanks!

I really value your experience and expertise.

Thank you for all your videos. They are helping me a lot.

very enlightening, thank you

Excellent information, once again, thank you!

The self reporting was something that made me feel nervous and anxious all the time during the day, I never understood why, until I discovered also that after being so sweet on text messages, he would go suspicious and stop the frecuency of the msgs as if he would be busy for some hours

Maybe this is why my ex is misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder.

I’m not relieved. I miss him…..struggling to remain NC

This is really educational.

Having dated 2 of them and given a good portion of my life to 1 of them, my layman's suggestion would be to cut your losses and run. There is no pot of gold under that rainbow. There's no happy ending. Optimism and patience cannot make it so. Good luck, invest in yourself first.

I will attest to your claim that the covert narcissist does pass through all of these phases you explain in your narcissist video teachings. I found myself involved with someone intimately that has elements of his being and behavior just as you describe. It is uncanny how accurate you are. Your previous videos on multiple personalities is also right on. I witnessed this and it scared me. He was never overly violent with me but as his intimate partner I always felt I was replaceable and that he always had two other women besides me he had some level of intimacy with. He also displayed the passive aggressive behaviors and always kept me at arms length. I was not fully invited into his private life (i.e. adult children and so on). His phone was also very telling. He would always take the phone out of the car when he pumped gas and kept the phone on turned over in my presence if he was not on it while we were having dinner. In any event I have gone no contact and hope to be committed to this. He probably has not even noticed I am gone (lol). Thank you for helping us not think we are the crazy one. This person is another one to add to your data base.

Outstanding information.

I agree. I have lived with one. Left my mind in a mess. No logic. I could never predict who or what was going to show up next. He doesn't have multiple personality issues....as in having different names for each character. This person that walked around in human skin...I couldn't pin down. I walked on egg shells awaiting for the next critter that showed up

I love listening to you describe the minutiae of these disorders. How would you classify a man initially painfully shy yet totally self absorbed with humorless, flat emotion who switches into a tender, doting (still shy) sexual partner with sexual obsession? Back to flat, contemptuous judgement, almost schizoid outside physical intimacy. Time passes, he becomes comfortable showing a true antagonistic, uncooperative nature to the point of remorselessly endangering her life while vacillating between fiercely defending relationship exclusivity and insistence she find someone who can attend to her emotional needs; ‘you can do better than me’, ‘let’s just move’ on then back to exclusivity and shaming the woman for looking towards greener pastures?

Bloody Hell! As someone that knows that I definitely have narcissistic traits, this is the most depressing video I have ever watched. I have definitely experienced mortification, and I would say that I have definitely oscillated between overt and covert states, with the covert states being much shorter than the overt. However, I'd also like to think that I am not all that grandiose; boy, do I know and accept that I have many imperfections and infallibilities. However, I definitely don't have this sadist or psychopathic component that Sam refers to. I empathise, and I have real love for my loved ones. I wouldn't want to harm those that I love. Even my enemies, I don't particularly wish harm on them. I don't like them, I might not wish them success, but I don't wish any ill-health or tragedy upon them. I accept that I have narcissistic traits, but I am not a sadist!

Thank you for such an enlightening information, that I have witnessed first hand with my ex. I recently left with no contact. It was a short lived relationship because I noticed exactly what you have described in this video. My question is: How can one identify the narcissist’s base type overt/covert, when the switch happens so very often, very quick and to an extreme? Even several times in one day/night? It was very confusing for me to identify him as a narcissist due to this switch in extremes, where even his facial features would change, as he switched from one to the other. The only way I can describe the switch in facial features and posture, of a 40 years old man; is from “Denis the Menace” to Picasso’s “The Old Guitarist”, literally.

Prof. Vaknin, Thank you.

very good report.

This is fascinating. I believe strong, coherent families can do alot to ameliorate these mental illnesses. One female narcissist I know, had to raise herself, because her mother worked. She was a "latchkey kid". I have heard that some highschools are now offering classes in human development. Obviously a huge subject, but worth attempting.

Yes, I have seen this happen before my eyes.

I now realize that I was being tested for my fidelity when my narc went to lay down 'with a headache' (his favorite alibi for antisocial behavior, when the social expectation is NOT isolating ie at a party important to ME, hosting guests) when an old church friend was visiting his apartment from out of state. Projecting what I felt should have been HIS shame onto myself for HIS lack of hospitality for HIS guest, I conversed with his guest for 2-1/2 hours seated at the dinette table, with no flirting, intimate or inappropriate conversation between us. When he finally emerged from his bedroom, he probably expected to see me with his friend on the living room carpet flagrante delicto. SURPRISE! I didn't. And never even considered such an idea with ANYONE!

Phenomenal 💫

I definitely don’t need it or him. Withstood him and it for 33 years. No contact since July 2019. Getting close to being divorced now after a two year process, which commenced when he switched from being overt to covert. Very interesting insight into how and why the switching phenomenon occurs.

very interesting, thankyou 👌

professor vaknin, can you do a video on the narcissist/sosiopath/psychopath and strong psychedelic drugs (lsd/ayahuasca)? If IT can be to any help for THEM or if IT just will make THEM more traumatised

How would the collapsed version of a person with Avoidant PD look like ?

Excellent.....i observed my wife switching from covert to overt phase

What about the poor narcissist?? She/he is so very hurt all along And sees nothing! 😢 This pains me greatly Sam!

Is it treatable, manageable, reversible? This is my wife of 27 years. I've studied her for 2 years now. She's been misdiagnosed with BPD, Schizoid, narcissist. This is the only thing that addresses EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I'm not ready to quit on her.

Yes. Record everything: expose, than hide.

Thanks Doc

Professor Vaknin thankyou for your brilliant and enlightening material... Might I be so bold as to postulate that the statistics on whether or not a new date is a Narcissist or Psychopath is not the population average... instead a concentrated version simply because more of their relationships end in breakup. Seemed that way to me during Internet dating.

I've been married for 13 years to a naracist. I'm just learning about it mostly from youit's quite overwhelming the accuracy of your expertise. i went through a 6 year waiting period while he was in prison where i still remained loyal in every way, half of the time I was not married to him yet which was effortless for me as I guess like you mentioned ..partial to the narc, even though we have lived separately for the past 18 months, I'm still loyal to him/relationship, and havent been able to ever consider being with another man. I realize that this maybe an extreme version,and I may have my own issues but I am now through help here starting to understand things which is enlightening me to make some changes in order to live more fulfilling.

this is all sad but true

Oh man. I was so nervous because I have AuDHD and am married to a covert narc. I find myself acting in petty ways and was worried I was becoming a narc, but I don’t have any of the feelings of grandiosity or entitlement. I will lose my temper and go lock myself upstairs but it’s to do grounding exercises so I don’t have a panic attack. I don’t smash anything or scream. I have am in the process of unmasking and I am taking inventory of my beliefs and who I want to be. I know I want to be free of him and I’m finally okay with harder happens once we separate.

At first I thought she was multiple personality disorder. That led me to NPD, which in my non professional but educated opinion she is. She goes from overt to borderline after serious narcissistic injury, but went full paranoid schiz when mortified.

Wow. I have to comment again bc this hits so close to home. My ex had multiple children by multiple women. (Lots of people have asked why I got with him in the first place but at the time I looked at it like someone who had made a lot of bad decisions in his past and had grown up and matured which was something I could relate to) But yes, to follow up on some of your points, he had a 23 yr old son and a 15 yr old son and seemed to think there was some type of attraction between me and his sons. Sometimes his young kids would make strange comments about this I'm convinced he told them to say. (5 yr old daughter once said she thought i slept in the room with her brother the previous night when i had actually went home late that night) . He never said anything to me about this directly. Before we were officially a 'couple' he would tell me stories about various women he knew that he wanted to sleep with but they never gave in. He would say how he would do favors and give advice to these women like that somehow made him entitled to have sex with them. I always felt this unease that I was somehow less then a person, that I was never good enough despite giving my all to him and his children. I felt like he wanted to strip away any self esteem I had. When the mother of one of his daughters would come over, I felt like he was trying to pit us against one another. He did not seem to acknowledge his past decisions were the reason of his current difficult circumstances. It was always 'woe is me', everyone treated 'me' so terribly.. After the breakup he went onto his Facebook and proceeded to call me names and act like I was a horrible person. I wrote him a long, scathing text afterwards and blocked his number. He wrote on Facebook the next day complaining I sent him a long text which he did not read. (I don't believe that for a minute. This man had saved ALL his texts and would show me conversations from years ago) In short, he seemed to think he was God's gift to the world. In fact, he was loathsome, self-serving, and passive aggressive.

In other videos there's talk of narcissists decompensating/collapsing into a Borderline or even full-on psychotic state. Are there any addendums that could be made to tie that stuff into the content of this video? I'm curious how these things potentially harmonize &/or diverge into case A vs. case B, etc., forms of collapse, perhaps.

Sam im suffering so much because my narcissism has made me unable to function,i wastedy youth and opportunities because my health problems made me collapse and all i could focus was some grandiouse return of myself in my previous state,sorrounded by the best supply. Help me tell me something. Tonight i feel like killing myself 😢😢😢

I have been following you for 3 years. I have been in a relationship on and off for 5 years with what I think is covert narcissist. I was not sure until tonight. In the video i watched I took notes and then reassessed them. It was a lot of information. And yes there are a lot of people on this channel that have no where the knowledge that you have on this subject. It was like you were describing exactly the person I have in my life to a T. The last month has been very difficult, to the point that he has asked me to make an appointment with a therapist for us, but I know it is for him. I am in Georgia. When i called for an appointment I requested a therapist that works with possible NPD clients. I hope his is able to understand more, he knows he is sick. His father was very much an issue for him and his siblings, verbal and mental abuse. Thank you for putting out this information. Be blessed.

Hi Dr. V. - apologies for the question not being related to the video...but in your experience do you find actual Highly Sensitive Persons tend to cluster towards a particular vocational field/industry? Do you see a relatively high % of under/unemployment due to the lack of boundaries, neuroses, etc? Any response much appreciated.

In my experience, I have seen my immature and abusive parents switch between overt and covert narcissism, depending on which toxic parent was dominant in the family at the time. I was the golden child for my narcissistic father and a scapegoat for my uBPD mother. Her scapegoating and gradual domination in the family made my father control his overt narcissistic tendencies, which he already did with me, but I got a taste of it from time to time, which left me in disbelief and immense confusion. My father needed the family to idealize him, and my uBPD mother's idealization and devaluation served just that. She also coerced everyone in the family to adopt the inaccurate labels she put on each member of the family. He seemed like a more stable parent, and I believed he was a safe parent. When he was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to the members of the family, I didn't see most of it and rationalized the physical abuse as 'what he had learned from his upbringing, and that he was immature and needed to know better.' I took on the role of an adult child, setting boundaries around his behaviour, protecting people in the family from his physical abuse, being a confidant to him, and 'protecting him from my mother.' I thought the physical abuse ceasing after I set boundaries with him meant that he could be a better person if only urged on to do so. He just went from overt to covert, and I kept seeing it and still coping with confusion and disbelief until I couldn't anymore.

Hi Sam, yes I truly see the psychopathy in these individuals, I have first hand experience and you are very right, basically they I have no self and they mirror and suck the emotions of others... Only the brave and crazy stay with npdisordered individuals, it is truly alarming to know these individuals have no identity at all.... And will stop at no end to morph into any identity to get whaaat they want, everyone is instrumental to them

i'm so sad

Is it possible for someone with ocd disorder to use lovebombing? I dated a guy and I don't think he was a narc but he seemed to be ocd. Anyway, he love bombed me from the beginning, hard-core. More so than the narcs I've dated. I guess its possible he could have been a narc and I wasn't around long enough to see it, but he definitely had ocd behaviors

I gotta be honest, I'd rather see comments in the tone of self confessed narcissists discussing their narcissism than victims of narcissists who don't recognize that they've been turned in to one as a result, just using this platform as an opportunity to blameshift instead of self-reflecting.

My xhusband was overt an covert. Depending on his situation. An who he was dealing with.

Esses ensinos são verdades em tudo que diz respeito ao narcisista. Fala de características verdadeiras de pessoas com o transtorno, quem conviveu com um sabe que o que esse prof fala é real.

Arguably, npd is worse than DID because there is no true self to integrate with the false self to produce a whole, balanced personality….whereas a DID person has a chance of integrating all of the alters to arrive at a whole person. How accurate or inaccurate is this?

Hello can you direct me to the video about narcissist fathers particularly relating to their daughters

This makes sense of my personal experiences with narcs. They change depending on what's happening, where they are or who they are with. My mother for instance was overt in her home, domineering, openly nasty, cruel to my ailing father. But outside the home it was like she lost some of her power, and she appeared better behaved, now more passive-aggressive so if she was challenged, she could deny any intent to hurt. When she was with her sisters, she was better behaved still, appeared the kind one, allowing herself to be the victim of their narcissism. Then she would draw on this victimhood for sympathy. I felt outraged on her behalf a lot of times, felt compelled to take "her side" and was protective of her. I believe this is one of the many reasons she got away with the harm that she herself caused. I'm now NC with her. I never knew which mother I was going to get when I contacted her.

I agree 💯

Interesting. My ex (covert) went to prison for some time. He said his ex falsely claimed that he tried to hit her with his car. He told me he lost his confidence afterwards knowing that he was locked up for something he did not do. I sometimes wonder if he was an overt prior to his prison sentence 🤔 He also expressed to me that he did not feel as confident since he's gotten older and his looks were fading

Dr Vaknin, can a narcissist remain faithful to his intimate partner in a long distance relationship?

Dr. Vaknin... Can you comment on the use of exogenous Testosterone in men as a stabilizing or destabilizing hormone? Thank you

Thank you for all your videos and the information. Would you allow me access to you're questioner?

I’m looking for that study published and reading it. Please let us know. I actually agree with your first claim.

Can CPTSD cause an otherwise healthy individual to appear "narcissistic," even on an MMPI? Just asking for a friend, thank you.

Does covert narcissist stalk or comeback? He moved on rather quick and asked me to be his friend but after no contact for sometime that if he decides to come back he will be just friends. And see if it develops than it develops. What did he exactly do?

I'm a data mining agent. Your DB is exciting!

Can a narcissist live for decades in a collapsed state?

Dr. Sam can two covert narcissist get in a love relationship?

If the process of mortification is a two way bridge between classic and covert is it possible that it’s a bridge between failed and borderline, and onward to recovery, that must be willingly crossed? In other words, does a narcissist who has become aware now face the mortifying task of knowingly acting out unsavory behaviors as they dismantle their false selves in order to recover? Could borderline personality disorder include narcissists experiencing personal growth by going “backwards”?

60% women, 30% men. Just curious, what were the other 10%?

a question: do narcissists have flashbacks of their abuse in childhood? thank you

Agree! Vote +1

OK so there’s a covert narcissist at my house right now. I know 100% that’s exactly what he is. I’ve been studying this for almost 2 years now as I thought I was Curses wanted to know why nobody love me my entire life and why this man was hurting me and what was happening. I thought I was too smart to ever be abused again and I thought I’ve been through everything like literally I thought everything everything I have experienced like any type of physical or mental emotional pain until in walked the covert narcissist. I literally like lost my mind my ability to function almost my job I am a single mother of four children because I was living mostly my entire life in a state of trauma. So now they understand him mostly as much as I can this is what I don’t understand. I was able to disconnect I try to shut him out like I did the rest. I am unable to do it because of his vulnerability and because he wasn’t really ever too physical. What really hurt me as him not helping me around the household maintaining as far as Bills and I felt like he was using me obviously he wasn’t plus all the women in that what you would call gaslighting and pathological lying and all that stuff. I refused to pick him up on Christmas Eve he ended up in jail. Anyways I’m not able to just turn my back and be spiteful by any means. I’m not also able to just be a doormat. He is in a vulnerable state he’s upset that I am not feeding him his admiration and supply he got from me unconditionally as before. He understands he has disordered thinking. I’ve explained to him so much but not all internally and we’ve definitely experience a very similar abuses. I feel like he’s arrested development back to the age of 13 when his behavior had his parents abandon him in a one bedroom hotel or something I guess. We’ve also experience forms of its physical of used by our parents as children and we both had also had other abuses from family members similar. I am not able to walk alone and let somebody fully collapse. He hasn’t had so much taken from him also. When I forced him to leave my house it was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in like I don’t even know. I literally was like I can’t go through being made miserable and taken advantage of again. Of course I was crying out to him the next day later that night as soon as he was gone I realize the toxicity cycle and everything and I’m done with it. And now he realizes I’m done and like he won’t leave my house I can’t force him to. So thing is When I left him I lost myself I think I had narcissistic abuse syndrome my brain kept freezing I didn’t know where was I kept locking myself out I had such a pain in my heart that tears in Sulphur my eyes and I couldn’t get out of bed I couldn’t function I almost lost my job. Because all the pain and hurt I’ve been through I’ve taken on my floor sons all by myself. I don’t want them to feel like I did or be set up for failure as I was. I literally was thinking I was going to die I couldn’t take it in suicide cross my mind and everything. I have overcame all this I cannot believe where I’m at right now I’m really never thought I would be this person. I had left one that was so physical that I got fired from your job because of my bruising and cuts and stuff on my face. He literally would do the craziest things to me and one night a hid him after coming home from the hospital. They wanted him for attempted murder no less than bodily harm I stayed with him for a long time after that I hope to be a lot of cases I was completely brainwashed. I’ve been in other very toxic relationships were all I wanted to do was make them happy I realize you can’t make people happy who are not happy with themselves at all but it’s because their heart is different. And I know it’s too because I did everything I possibly could… This man is not like that his manipulation I see was to get his needs met and it was all psychological. Are used to get upset when people said mental abuse was the worst because I’ve definitely been mentally abused. There’s definitely a difference between psychological and just emotional mental baloney. Saying all this I just don’t know what to do because I know I’m not gonna give into his cycles anymore and I think he does too and he’s scared to leave my house it seems like. And I know this man is hurt so deeply I just don’t know how to help or what to do I’m thinking I’m gonna go try to have a heart-to-heart and explain everything to him as a trauma survivor myself. I don’t know if it’s going to work but I think he understands a lot especially when I tell him I know what you’re doing and you’re doing this because of this. I did stand up I’ve been standing up for myself before this happened like stop deflecting and projecting onto me. Just because you’re doing something doesn’t mean I am. I am obsessed with psychology now. I had a very bad dependency disorder I am pretty sure I don’t know if it was codependency but maybe so I can see where I had reactive abuse which was trying to teach people lessons so they would give me the love I need but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be codependent as long as you’re not very manipulative. Because the fact of the matter is The love is so selfless and it’s exactly the love and unconditional love that we all deserve from somebody. I just don’t want to sacrifice myself anymore I’ve had an entire life of that. If this interest you in anyway please reach back out to me because I’m gonna get you getting off at work at 6 o’clock or 630 because I have a meeting and he’s there waiting for me. I’m not scared anymore I’m not scared if he’s going to get physical. he’s obviously a scapegoat from his family his dad is now dead. His father was obviously a narcissist and so is mine and I’ve been dating in my entire life thinking I’m broken that they’re broken to we get each other. It is about control I am tired of being a pet. But I understand he cannot help himself and I need to make him realize things I guess is what I’m gonna try to do so wish me luck I don’t know

If you are a woman caught up with a narcissist, could you fall in love with another man to avoid retaliation from the narcissist.? Would that be a safer escape? I am so sorry , I have feeling I can deny, I have to go. Its easier than faking your own death.

Why do you only refer to the narcissist as "he" when the world is full of female narcissists?

Hi professor. My ex had all of this (covert/overt NPD with DID traits as my best guess) where he also had psychogenic seizures (PNES) after lifetime of trauma and injuries. The seizures are a form of conversion disorder; which talked about here as being a main trait of this covert / overt type. Literally what was happening with my ex is that his disorder got so bad, bc of all the denial, his brain literally figured out a way to adapt to narcissistic collapse through a physical manifestation (checking out during the seizure). When he woke up his brain had reset and he didn’t remember any of the switching, alter taking over, and rage he just unleashed. I even started asking him who was speaking when he had these episodes. It was fascinating at the time but turned dangerous and psychotic so quickly got out. Would love for you to study this 🤯🫥