Complex PTSD Explained 

Thank you very much!

You're a blessing! Thank you ❤️

So glad to hear you feel that way :) -Cara@TeamFairy

🤗🤗🤗

It is freeing to know I am not just a bad person. I also feel so broken. All the things you list, Lee, I share with you. I have told my little sister what I am going through as I learn what my real problem is. She will help me when I "freeze.". I don't know if that's ok, but I just melt in a puddle of tears in front of her sometimes. She is the only one I can really trust. Thank you, Anna.

I completely agree. Once I started having like full-blown, seemingly life-ending panic attacks... at the end of the whole terroristic ordeal.. my thoughts will gradually boil down to just one word -the essence of all previous thoughts that snowballed and lead me into what feels like a complete and total collapse of my very being, or sense of self - and that word is WORTHLESS. Meaning “You’re worthless.” I feel deeply, profoundly worthless. And even though I am certain I never literally heard this word being screamed in my head or anything like that… It really felt as if that word was being shouted at me repeatedly from somewhere within myself.. Even though if I can recognize this can’t possibly be true when I am clear headed. Worthlessness is = Disposable. Used up. Stupid. Weak. Gullible. Unattractive. “Too much”. Unreliable. Incapable. Defenseless. Helpless. Pointless. Unloveable. Broken. Crazy. Insane. Contemptible. Unmotivated. Someone that deserves how to be treated like trash and forgotten about.. Just... yeah. Most all of these things are things that I have been called by people in my life/accused of being by people in my life… Or they are things that I have felt because of experiences I’ve had with people in my life. The people I have love the most. I love unconditionally to the point where I have ended up sacrificing myself in so many ways, because part of me keeps Wanting to believe that one day all of the sacrifices will be worth it and they will be recognized and I will also be left unconditionally in return but that has not happened. It’s so frightening to even remember what that collapse was like as I’m typing this. I don’t ever want to go back there. It’s only gotten that bad three times.. The environment in which I experienced this was inescapable.. which I’m sure contributed to how far it escalated. And I guess I could have escaped it however… Not if I wanted to keep my job.

I relate completely to what you wrote. I don't know what to say to be helpful to either of us, but I wanted to at least tell you that you are not alone in feeling like this.

It does feel like that -Cara@TeamFairy

Constantly.

This is how I explained it to my husband.

yes

Imagine two wars at the same, with a real one outside. With regular missile strikes etc. My life sometimes feels like some crazy experiment.

💕💕💕

how lovely 💛

@ca_wi that is so sweet 💜 -Cara@TeamFairy

The idea of a Guardian Angel was taught to me by my mother. As a young child (6-9 years old) she asked me to think about it and give it a name. I immediately came up with the name “Michael”. She must’ve known that I needed to develop a relationship with that Angel.

That's a biggie for me too -Cara@TeamFairy

It is

Being bullied in high-school tore me apart, broke down my self esteem and confidence

I experienced both domestic child abuse and was bullied in school and neighborhood. I was convinced that the whole world is against me.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Appreciate this ❤

Yup, can be paralyzing, we understand -Cara@TeamFairy

Appreciate your comments! -Cara@TeamFairy

You’re not necessarily supposed to enjoy therapy.

Reassuring when we realize we aren't all alone with this :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Yes, several viewers have said they share videos with loved ones in order to be understood.

Same, when I try to explain things it comes out like its nothing too serious and people think im not having any problems :(

@@hsanchezisidora Is it like you can't bring yourself to make a big enough deal out of it? Do you get the sense that other people get their problems attended to only because they bitch and complain incessantly?

This is so true, it's so hard as a man. I've spent decades trying to mask trauma through religion and spirituality but this year it got to a point where Pandora's box opened and the last 3 to 4 months have been hell. Grateful for these videos.

​@@hsanchezisidorayes it's hard to convey how hard things are. I don't think anyone in my life knows just how bad things were when I was at my worst.

Well done! It sounds like you have found some peace in the storm. Thank you for sharing :) -Cara@TeamFairy

I only lost one sibling in childhood. I'm amazed you have come as far as you have.

I would think that caused you CPTSD. Wow, that sounds horrible. I think you have done a wonderful job of finding healing and doing good in the world.

Thank you for sharing.

This that you've shared means a lot to me. It throws shine on deep fears and assure me that it will be alright in a realistic way. I feel all of the pain there is in your words and the calm of stability too. Not being able to use my potential has haunted me for years and everyone points it out from time to time to make it worse but that's not the most important thing in life... And knowing that you were able to find home and make home gives me deep calm and hope for my future. I'm 25 and I hope to live a long life that seems really hard right now. Hugs and love thanks for sharing

I'm so glad you're here!

So glad you found the channel! -Calista@TeamFairy

That's an important step -Cara@TeamFairy

You are welcome to check out our little tribe which has a lot of members who have struggled with making connections too. They are meeting and relating all the time via zoom :) courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com -Cara@TeamFairy

I too grew up in a loving and supportive home with my mom and sister, so I did not know that something was really wrong until now at 27. I was bullied at school by teachers and classmates, and endured physical and emotional abuse a few times as a child whenever I visited my dad.

CJ Walker., me too. Do you think there is help for us?

Yes online there is DBT w a woman who teaches it all for free. Other great online communities,ive done online mental health communities on Compassion for self,and meditation...lots of choices.​@marianmartin9441

❤️

We know how you feel, we hope you'll reach out for help, we have a lot of support to offer :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I will. Thank you. It is our mindset and relearning good habits. Example, do I help others because I am afraid of rejection, want to be loved and admired, or is it genuine? What is empathy? Is it the need to be loved? I have many questions and lately have been questioning all of intentions?

Please don’t try to live up to other people’s ideals. You set yourself up that way. There will always be people who appear to be more successful. Re-examine what success means to you. Find joy wherever you’re able and stay true to your deepest values. Love yourself enough to put in the effort to heal. Meditation has been very helpful for me. You might find another method that helps you. I will pray that you find your unadulterated resolutions. It’s not easy, but have faith that you can do it! One step at a time. You can learn about SO many ways to heal ... try them and see what speaks to you. ❤️🙏 In light and love.

Only the best :) -Cara@TeamFairy

It's a coping mechanism and can be a form of self mutilation. You deserve better and your body deserves better. Nutrition and mood go together (there's a great dw documentary here on RU-vid about food and the brain). You can find/regain control through eating well instead of turning to food, instant gratification with unhealthy foods and binge eating, to block out the trauma.

@Thomas_Barnard I know you wouldn't -Cara@TeamFairy

Yes, the ACE is a popular standard but you are right that the low score is not always an accurate reflection of traumatic events -Cara@TeamFairy

Dear Anna! Verbalizing is soooo important for me. I'm now 58 and so glad to have found yr yt-channel. Gaerti the barefoot gardener 👩‍🌾

Also it can lead people to feel that because they score low therefore their mental health problems are all their fault. That was the conclusion I came to because I was a heroin addict and always thought I was just basically worthless because I didn't have any of these in my childhood, that I was just deficient. Actually my mother was severely neglected and she tried her best but had no idea how to connect with me or my sister. Although she appeared to be fine, we both developed serious problems. I didn't realise this until I went into therapy at middle age.

We really appreciate that you took that brave step and commented! Thank you :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Keep watching, glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Excellent work, you are doing great! -Cara@TeamFairy

You are winning! -Cara@TeamFairy

Please do!

Appreciate you! -Cara@TeamFairy

I'm glad you've got that new hope! -Cara@TeamFairy

Welcome! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you!

Awesome, thank you! -Cara@TeamFairy

I'm glad you're here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

That's exactly right -- once you have a name for it, you can begin to understand it and change your life. Sending you so much support and encouragement. - Ashley, Team Fairy

Cool! -Cara@TeamFairy

That's beautiful. Thanks for sharing this good news.

So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you.

Thank you for watching and for your comment. Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

Keep trying to invest your time and energy into the positive aspects of life. Meditation has helped me cope. Love your “self”! Own your truth instead of it owning you. Learning is a life long activity. Let’s learn to HEAL! ❤️

Yes, meditation is a good tool. Thank you for your Kindness Rhonda. Taking responsibility for our healing is very important.

@@dianeyoung8068 You are most welcome. 🥰 I’m 59 and expect to be on a healing journey for the rest of my day(s). I’m actually starting to become grateful for the challenges that have given me insight and some resolution. We need to break this cycle!

@@rhondasmith7413 Gratitude is so simple and and with it comes some contentment.

Thanks for being here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Thanks for listening! -Calista@TeamFairy

Glad you think so! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thanks for commenting! Glad you're here! Julie@TeamFairy BTW: Anna's Daily Practice bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice

Cool :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Because it occupies your mind in the now. Mindfulness at work. 🙏

Perhaps headphones will be helpful? I have difficulty in social situations with background noise. I can’t hear enough to interact appropriately.

I'm glad you're here! I hope you'll give a try to my techniques. They can be very calming.

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you Anna . I sure will 🙏

Welcome to this channel! There's lot of hope here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Ouch! Not helpful at all -Cara@TeamFairy

I used to tell myself that's what I needed -- some grit. Now I'm coming to realize thats not really true. I have had therapy experiences at 3 separate stages of life that didn't make anything worse but they really didn't resolve my issues around trauma either! Now I'm finding out that talking about trauma, typically, doesn't resolve it.

@@rubytuesday7653 I try but fail at that miserably. It's mostly online strangers, in real life I am almost never spoken to in the way I seem to be online (because I state my opinions in such a black n white manner and I just happen to be 6'5" and in very good physical shape which tends to keep the mouthy one's at bay, an advantage that disappears online in our pervasive troll culture that doesn't award point blank honesty).

You got this! -Cara@TeamFairy

ACE misses some things, if you qualify you know it even if the ACE does not reflect it :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Glad to have you -Cara@TeamFairy

It isn't your fault! I'm so glad you found the channel, we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Do it and join Anna on a Daily Practice call :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Welcome to the channel! Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

Also the ACE score is around 8.

We are glad you are getting the help you need -Cara@TeamFairy

If only!!! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you too! -Cara@TeamFairy

Welcome! -Cara@TeamFairy

To request a live response from Anna, please be as specific as possible and email your question to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com. Type 'Ask the Fairy' in the subject line to indicate you are interested in the question being made into a video. -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you for watching! -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you for this comment. I have a daughter with this in quite sure and she was well loved. But see my comment I just posted for the details. But there is a way to have a pretty “normal” childhood but a series of events outside parent’s control just bury and overwhelm them. I have a theory the ones who suffer are the “easy” kids who don’t ask for much. The parents are just grateful for the undemanding child and later realize they should have paid attention despite not being asked for their attention.

I came from the same kind of household. And I also have a sister that pretends some of the trauma never happend. I think the reason your sister is not admitting to the abuse, it's maybe her brain is blocking all the memories from the events or she chose to pretend it never therefore she doesn't have to deal with the pain and the emotions of the memories. Mine does the latter. Good luck.

Some people find comfort or safety in denial bc facing the truth is too difficult for them & they're afraid if they talk about it, admit it to themselves, & open up, they'll let out - or in - a huge flood of emotion that's way too big to handle & they'll completely fall apart & drown in it. It's a coping mechanism. I have no idea how they're able to have denial, but they've sort of made a bubble or shield that they feel protects them. It's the opposite of being unable to forget, to not constantly face it, not avoid re-living or re-feeling it, so it's hard to understand for those whose response is to be very aware. It's not really a choice, it's a reflex. She can't help it. Denial isn't just choosing to SAY it didn't happen, it's a subconscious need to believe that, to push it away. It helps to avoid a nervous breakdown, somehow. For people like us acknowledging the reality helps us seek healing, and keep a grip. But not everyone can handle things in the same way as each other. It can be frustrating to have those who went through it deny it. It can feel like gaslighting. But our levels of strength may vary on coping with traumatic truths, & though people may feel traumatized by that denial by a family member, chances are this is the only way she can deal. In order not to lose our minds in the face if what feels like lying or worse, blame etc, is to realize that ~maybe ~ she's not able to speak it without fear of totally falling apart, that it's the feeling of it that scares her so much it's like the freeze effect (fight, flight, or freeze) has taken over her ability to acknowledge what happened. She maybe claims it's fine & believes it bc she has to, & repeating that it's fine to herself lets her function & maybe that's the only way she can. I had to realize with a relative that she just simply couldn't do anything else, & that she hadn't sat down & planned out lying to me, that maybe it had hit her harder, she was even more vulnerable, she couldn't process it all, & therefore somehow had automatically installed a sort of armor against those horrible truths so they wouldn't break her. & She was way more instantly embarrassed or in fear of judgement, etc than I am. We process differently. To me a lack of truth feels more threatening, to not seek healing. Truth helps me understand & feel somewhat prepared, & keeps my feet under me. So while I don't get how she can do that, I had to accept that she needs that somehow, & try to have the empathy to not take it as an attack. She can't. If she couldn't walk I couldn't get mad at her for that, or expect her to run a race. It's like that.

Some people believe in the far back of their minds that bad things happen if we're bad and good things happen if we're good, Santa Clause thinking. The human brain can reject the facts if they'd be more traumatizing to believe bc the beliefs that they also held as kids could lead to shame & self blame that's too big to carry. If someone thinks it's fundamentally wrong to not have everything go right & that it reflects on their worth as a person rather than the perpetrator's, they may be unable to face it. And they may be more blaming. I find it painful to be around blaming or lack of open truth - I mean even privately to be unable to speak it. I don't know how not to face things. I found peace with one relative who got the courage to face it bc she found out it wasn't her fault. Another, who won't, I feel severely abused around & I just can't. It really does feel exactly like gaslighting, to me, & is a trigger. But having compassion for them helps a lot, & realizing they can't give us the insight or even affirmation of reality we need. I just have to do it from afar bc those who can't keep it real are unsettling to me. Not that it's their fault, just I have to be aware of their affect & whether that is healthy for me. In adulthood relationships can be a choice, or the depth of involvement with even a relative can be, & sometimes has to be if how we feel around them is perpetuating pain in a real way. I'm not saying to stay away. I'm saying for anyone, that there is a choice to step back if it is needed, or to let them off the hook of admitting it if they need that, and can't cope with it.

@Ave_Maria we don't know what anyone can handle so we do our own healing and it often inspires others -Cara@TeamFairy

@@littleninnie My brain blocked out sexual molestation at the age of 6 until I was 19. I often wonder if I have suppressed any other memories. Denial is not an option for me to have a healthy soul. In addition, it was around the same time that my parents split. Lots of other ACE’s involved, but that one seems to be the most elusive to heal.

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

You don't have to take meds just because you have a diagnosis. You can say no thank you. I'm sorry that shit therapist has hurt you.

Thank you for your kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy You're welcome.