My name is Anna Runkle: I teach people to recognize and heal the symptoms of Complex PTSD (CPTSD). Because my work is focused on overcoming childhood abuse and neglect, you'll sometimes hear me use the term "Childhood PTSD."
I'm not a doctor or therapist. I’m someone who grew up with several alcoholics in the family, and all the dynamics that tend to go with that -- poverty, neglect, violence, and an environment of chronic, deep stress. In adulthood, the telltale signs of Childhood PTSD were all there -- health problems, depression and anxiety, relationship struggles -- but traditional therapies never seemed to help.
When I found what DID help, my whole life changed. For more than 29 years I’ve been teaching a program that anyone can use, whether or not they have access to professional help. I focus first on healing dysregulation, and then on changing the self-defeating behaviors that are so common for those of us traumatized as kids. I'm glad you're here!
Thank you ! I had done much healing with your videos and therapy but recently spiralled down (it’s always cyclical) this video came at such an important moment to get back on track ❤❤❤
So far I've made no plans or inviting someone into my life. I'm beginning to understand and see the unseen things. Believe The Lord is at Work thur the Holy Ghost.
when i want to focus on my Lord and my faith then i isolate. My life was really bad.. i was smoking lots of drugs and just spending money on bullshit. Then i cut off the bad people, started reducing my habit, started making less money to cut my addictions down, increase my struggles so that i overcome them. And now im here.. with then Pen. So yes.. the cave is my rehabilitation.
This appeared randomly in my feed, but man was I shocked to recognize that you were giving a perfect description of me: the clutter, the anxiety, the depression, the trauma. And thank you for sharing your traumatic experiemce as well: it make everything more powerful and authentic because it comes from a place of real life experience. One feels really undertood. Thank you so much!
What you describe how to deal with the overwhelming feelings is in line with what is described by the latest findings of neuroscience mentioned in How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain By Lisa Feldman Barrett
I think it's important to note that alot of people myself included may have some of these characteristics. It's definitely not a one size fits all. I believe my issues exclusively in romantic relationships are due to poor self concept, once I began healing my self worth I started to put up with less and less BS from men. I stopped asking men why they were ghosting etc.. and stopped chasing unavailable people. The rest of my life my career and relationships are AMAZING! So childhood trauma doesn't always affect every area of your life.
When I met my now current partner I wasn’t 100% sure about him. He was nice looking and we met online. He was friendly, attentive, supportive, and thoughtful. He showed me exactly who he was the first time I met him. We fell in love in such an organic way. It was so different from past relationships. Past relationships I had this INTENSE attraction right off the bat the was bordering obsessive. As you could guess those relationships were almost always toxic and never worked. Passion is exciting but burns out so quickly. Slow and steady is almost always better and lasts longer. Now I get tiny bursts of passion everyday with my current partner. 😊
Where are the guys that are understanding? The one guy I thought was great he said I should date him because he is rich lool ended up asking me too personal question. Then he said he wants to talk just to pass time so I'm just a piece?! Then he said he wants to move on snap for instant gratification ..
The guys who were understanding in high school got taken advantage of, humiliated, and abused to the point that they gave up and joined the mainstream dating culture of self centered hedonistic abandon. Most men, just like most women, start off honest and sincere in the dating market but get burned enough times to the point where getting theirs and self preservation take over.
I’ve been friends with David for 15 years and been in love with him for 12 years. We were already friends when my husband left me for another woman in January 2010 and he had just gotten engaged in December 2009. He expressed that he wished that we had met earlier because he wanted to date me. He married Lynn and I completed my nursing degree as a single parent. As our friendship progressed I realized that I was falling in love with him yet I was careful to keep these feelings to myself and respect his marriage to Lynn. Lynn left him for another man in 2020 and I was there for emotional support. I became very busy with the COVID pandemic and we lost touch until I left the hospital to start my own business. We reconnected and he asked me out however he neglected to tell me that he had a live-in girlfriend. The betrayal was enormous and we initially broke up. Foolishly I went back to him because he convinced me that he and his partner were “trying to figure out separation since we were buying a house together.” That was two years ago. With the help of your podcast I’m finally learning about CPTSD and making decisions for a better future. Thanks Anna!
These two are not friends. Sounds more like "frenemies" and Elena seems to wear the victim hat well. Her friend is no angel either but these two just seem incompatible as friends. I question why the letter writer even wants to salvage this friendship. TBH the letter writer sounds like high maintenance.
Letting a toxic friend go is the best thing you can do for yourself. I knew I had to let one leave my life when I noticed that I dreaded her coming over. She loved to push all of my buttons and disrespected me in every way. My only regret is that I didn't draw the line much sooner. I'm sure she is the right friend for someone else but she just wasn't right for me in the end.
I would not withhold respect or acceptance from people because they had low self-esteem, and I don't want to spend time around people who would withhold respect or acceptance for that reason. If people having that as a criteria of acceptance and respect is truly inherent and unchangeable in human nature, then humanity is repellent to me.
An injury can result in becoming ‘un-alive.’ Too many years pass, too many years of complete isolation, too many years completely alone… He’s beyond hope when chronic fatigue sets in, he cannot move. A man rots. ‘Un-alive’ is inevitable.
I think that we need to clarify that this video isn’t really about respect of boundaries; this video is about triggers associated with mental disorders and expecting people to cobble you. There are general boundaries in life that should be respected from one human being to another, and so, with that not being clarified in the beginning of the video, you’re probably getting more people to click off of this than actually listen.
I want to be in a healthy romantic relationship. I haven’t been in a long term relationship in 6 years. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a relationship again. I’ve dated people here and there since then but nothing led to a long lasting relationship for various reasons. It’s so hard. My default is to be alone and I am comfortable in that space but I want to face my fears and be open but even finding someone with mutual attraction and interest that is looking for a monogamous relationship and that wants children down the line is so hard.
This is focusing too much on childhood, CPTSD is complex PTSD, and that means it's many events that happened over your lifetime. Also if they give you dirty looks for being "too late" (what late means can be culturally or individually different) people DO judge you. Now there is no point in getting annoyed at everyone, but it's also very important to assess if people have culturally or individually problems themselves with being overly picky about time. And if they think they are extra entitled to judge, it's a problem to address in them. Such people will stress you, then blame you for not making it in time. Changing environments can fix that. Good work environments do focus on you being able to do your work well, and offer flexibility regarding schedules. You want people to respect your time, but you also want to be productive. It's a balance, and the environment needs to suit how work is done most effectively. Nobody is served by following rigid schedules, but never reaching goals. It's commendable to work on yourself, but you also need to reject overly strict belief systems of others that work against you. You need to address *both* sides to make progress, neither think the whole world is against you, nor the opposite of thinking you need to address all in yourself, only. Emotional regulation also means to dismiss unfair criticism, and the tone of your video doesn't help with the necessary self-compassion to get there.
Thank you for your channel. As a 61-year-old who's only recently encountered the term CPTSD following decades of therapy and eating anti-depressant, CPTSD seems to fit in as a correct diagnosis for me. I was abandoned by my parents and placed in an orphanage. My mother was unwell, but I had no way of understanding that as a 2-year-old. I was adopted when I was 4 and brought to another country. After finding the term CPTSD on yotube I suddenly could see the connection to the experiences from my early childhood. Relating to other people as an adult has been very difficult.
I don’t know how you fell into my algorithm, but I blown away on your detailed insight on what I usually call being a “hermit” by choice. This is simple yet fascinating. Thank you for the work, time and share.
I wish I could learn this as a child as my parents suffering from PTSD keeps on projecting it’s me that should fix them. Ppl with CPTSD should be educated to not blame others 😢
This hit me hard. Because I constantly fall into believing I am the trauma. I AM damaged goods. There MUST have been something in me that made my dad hit me, call me STUPID, and WITCH and NUMSKULL virtually every day but never treat my two sisters this way. I was sexually abused at a friend’s house at ten years old, when I was there for a sleepover. The things I witnessed and experienced there, changed me forever. Then sexually abused for three years by my choir director at church between 16 and 19. When I got married at 27, I ended up marrying a gay guy, because he made me feel safe - he didn’t look at me like a wolf…I didn’t know he was gay, but 12 years into our marriage, I found out he was, and it all made terrible sense. I’m 66 now and I feel like I sabotaged my life, didn’t go for the dream because I didn’t think I was worthy of it. I was a professional singer/songwriter but my confidence was shattered. People would come up to me after shows and tell me that I should not perform no matter how well I sang, because I was too fat. I finally did stop because I felt so shamed every time I would perform. Now I’ve lost my window of opportunity, and I just feel dead inside. Like it would’ve been better if I’d never been born.
I have a friend who recently " broke up " with one of her female friend. She was devastated and it took her a long time to get over it. From what I've seen my friend attached to her too much, expected from her to be always there for her, was jealous about her ( when she had other friends), manipulated her many times just to spend some time with her etc. My friend is single, has no romantic relationship and I think she located all of her focus and energy into this friendship and destroyed it by being too demanding, needy, clingy and toxic really. By the end of their friendship the other woman told her straight away " leave me alone" and my friend still couldn't get what is going on, she was fixated on her " obsession ", when she asked me about my opinion on that I told her that it was unhealthy on her part and only then she started to see what's happened 😢 she's lonely and clings to anyone with whom she can be "close" , I can see when she's trying that on me but I keep my boundaries tight, I really like her and value our friendship but for me it's just a friendship, I want to feel free 😊
I have a big fear of abandonment and every morning i get dysregulated because my boyfriend has to leave to work. I am usually not fully awake and in a sleep-trance which makes it almost impossible to regulate. I am so tired and not fully there yet and then i just start my day with being in insane madness. It has been weeks and months and it just doesn’t stop and I don’t know how to help myself anymore
I had a friend who was very close to me and I thought I could trust her and we bonded over our similar situation of not being able to fit in anywhere and feeling lost in life. She was my tribe. We had made plans to travel to a place abroad for two weeks, where I had lived for a few years and that was very special to me and she knew it. She had the airline tickets and everything and I was waiting for her there. But then she canceled very impulsively because of a new relationship with some random guy she met on Bumble a few months before and couldn’t be away from him. I got very hurt because I have abandonment trauma from my childhood and the friendship couldn’t be repaired because she was sorry but still couldn’t see her wrong doing. I don’t have any other close friends so losing her has been a struggle but I couldn’t trust her anymore and I didn’t want a friendship like that in my life. I’m working on trying to accept the situation but it’s a struggle everyday with horrible loneliness…
I am 100% my trauma. It shaped who I was as a child and beyond. To say otherwise is gaslighting in my eyes. You negate who I am and how I have overcome the obstacles in my life. I am a survivor and have made a good life for myself despite and because of my C PTSD and PTSD and ADHD. I have found my joy despite my beginnings and teen years.
What is the difference in emotional flashback and additional, new horrific happening. Family members being mudered. My young son dying from hospital screw up. I was doing well. I can be in War at any minute.
I just found your channel a few months ago and about a year into my healing journey, which thank goodness after almost a decade of trying was the proper one. I am definitely isolating now though and it’s like you are reading my mind. I use the cover that I am an introvert and need this time to recover which I usually put in quotes. As my jobs are always extremely social. What I found though - and I am trying to reconcile is that even though I was part of a 12 step community and gave back to it hundreds of rides and hours and hours of support weekly to others - when I needed help no one was there for me. - that community really kind of crushed and quite jaded of the whole thing. They actually put me in a situation which was sort of like leading a lamb to slaughter - I needed a place to live with someone who had obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and was not working her program for recovery sentence I need a place to live and she needed some help and Was the deal - I would take care of her dog and the house and that was it, but obviously it became more and eventually turned into me covering for her substance abuse because she would threaten to kick me out and make me homeless. It became life-threatening I couldn’t standby and was willing to Face a shelter or living in my car - unfortunately, though an outside person from the 12 community was willing to help me out. this whole time I have been reaching out to my fellowship, which I use lightly now-for some help and support - and even just a weekend off from beginning unguard 24 seven once she started abusing her pain medication being on watch with Narcan they knew the seriousness of the situation, but until an ambulance could not refuse her was stuck in that situation. I was still a baby and still am a baby in my recovery journey myself from substance used disorder and CPTSD and they all knew it. At least all the women did. The only sympathy I ever was from the men in my 12 step home group who could see it in my eyes, that I was truly suffering. All I was offered were thoughts and prayers and magical thinking and change my attitude towards the situation. This was given to me by also multiple groups if people in these 12 step programs and honestly has left me quite jaded. I believe to recovery involves some essential elements - I’ve broken it down to probably about six or seven? Give or take. These are all included in the 12 steps plus some others which are not quite necessary, but if it works for you and it’s what you need- go for it. I do believe group support is quite essential and it is always free and usually wide available. I am just extremely sad that my experience with it has been what it has been. Recovery consist of the same basic elements no matter what program or even if you choose to do it on your own - which I say with a caveat because you still need some type of community of healing. I am confused why I was the one that was left behind when I was the one that stepped up to help every single time. I’m taking a break from those communities for a little bit, but I’m just as isolated as it was before. It doesn’t matter which community I put myself I just never seem to quite belong. I still do believe in keeping an open mind - and after her maybe taking a little break I will try this community again because it is like I said the most prevalent and free way of getting “group support“ when you were left out of this group, even though you try your hardest to be a part of it offering services and being kind and welcoming - it feels even extra lonely. I don’t know if you have anything for people like me. I am a scientist for training and a teacher through and through and I am agnostic - though I won’t say this out loud in meetings. The belief center is right next to the addictions center in the brain and even if you believe that ants are your savior. It can help you overcome addiction or trauma- believe it or not, but has been shown to be true. I do not follow that dogma that everything happens for the best - there is no way that is true. Otherwise babies and children wouldn’t get cancer or other horrific things happened to them. I am grateful to have found healing even at 38 and insanely grateful that I did not have children no matter how badly I want them because I knew something was not right with me, and I refused to pass on that damage, who knows how long how many generations - no judgment on those that didn’t know - - that you know just do what you can to get better because that’s all I ever wanted or needed from my mom was for her to make the effort to get better - that was all the apology I would ever need from her. Make an effort. try to get better and that would’ve made everything right in my book. My apologies for rambling, but CPTSD is so misunderstood and just not properly diagnosed in the US. My insurance company uses international codes. It is not a strange subset of regular PTSD - and it is quite common than people who are supposed to be professionals think it is. As someone who is in the field of education, I would say it is the main form of PTSD and deserves proper intervention as soon as possible to help these little ones with the choice in the matter- you are often scolded and punished by the system. Thing I know from growing up how I did is that I have infinite patience. I don’t know what these children are going home to whether it be paradise or pure. Hell treat them all the same with all the care in the world, they are the future and they are deserving and wonderful and lovely humans. I will never ever say that a kid is awful. I will say sometimes that your behavior is not a reflection of who you are and that is just not good and you can do better, but that is as far as I go, I know I am a safe person, and that to me making up for all the damage I’ve ever caused because hurt people hurt people and know that I am on my healing journey I know longer have to hurt anyone.
Love this and thank you Anna. I’m in detox (3 years in detox now) from an abusive relationship and processing a childhood of physical and mental / emotional abuse. Your videos, Alan Robarge videos, getting back to creativity I enjoy and the New Testament are helping me see things with clarity. So thank you for all the time and kindness you offer to everyone on this journey.
