Conflict Management for the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) with Jonathan Decker from CINEMA THERAPY

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If you're a highly sensitive person, you may find that conflicts can be particularly challenging for you. As someone who processes information deeply and is easily overwhelmed by sensory input, you may feel intensely emotional during disagreements and have difficulty expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly.
In this video, we'll explore some effective conflict management strategies for highly sensitive persons that can help you navigate disagreements in a healthy and productive way.
The first step in conflict management for highly sensitive persons is to understand and acknowledge your own feelings. When you're in the midst of a conflict, it's easy to become overwhelmed by emotions and lose sight of what you really want to communicate. Take some time to identify your feelings and try to understand where they're coming from. Are you feeling hurt, angry, or misunderstood? Once you have a better understanding of your own emotions, you'll be better equipped to express yourself effectively.
Next, it's important to listen actively to the other person's perspective. As a highly sensitive person, you may be more attuned to nonverbal cues and emotional signals, so pay close attention to the other person's body language and tone of voice. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where they're coming from. This can help you find common ground and identify potential solutions.
When you're ready to express your own perspective, try to do so calmly and respectfully. Use "I" statements to communicate your own feelings and avoid blaming or accusing the other person. For example, instead of saying "you always do this," say "I feel hurt when this happens." This can help keep the conversation focused on finding a solution rather than assigning blame.
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In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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16 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 526

@alisondunning7116 Год назад

How many of us HSPs grew up with emotionally dis-regulated parents? I did and I can’t tell if repeatedly watching my Dad dissolve into rage was how I learned to read people and try to avoid conflict, or if I was just born that way …?

@barbelarmbroster6524 Год назад

I think it is both. We were born with this predisposition. And we used our ability every day in order to survive a hostile environment. Finally we became masters of this skill.

@HappinessPuzzleHealth Год назад

Learn more about Happiness, happinesspuzzle.health/. Kindly visit and share your valuable feedback.

@dreaminginjapan Год назад

My dad was military and my mom came from a really broken home. Their trauma and rage was so overwhelming I can't even explain it.

@dc3561 Год назад

Not sure if it's nature vs nurture or a mix of both, but my environment was not safe, I had a narcissistic mother and brother and both had malignant tendencies in the form of physically injuring me to get me to do what they want and I too had to start to learn to read their tells to try to reduce the severity of the injuries or delay them causing the injuries.

@vanshikathakur Год назад

Same 🙌🏻

@dnarose3869 Год назад

How I manage my response to other people's emotions: I remind myself their emotions are not my emotions and that I am safe and I take a few deep breaths.

@lisalongton4441 Год назад

I need to get this tattooed on my arm... 😆Thank you. This is great.

@brookesethmiller5137 Год назад

I have to remind myself of this too- also to let them have their feelings. It’s really hard because on a deep level I feel I have to quench out my own feelings as a maladaptive behavior. That opens up a while can of worms for me deeply so that I can learn to allow myself to have my own feelings and be less codependent

@krestahumphrey2718 11 месяцев назад

"I am safe" is sooo under-rated. Most physical symptoms experienced by an HSP is our body telling us we are not safe. If we can recognise this in the moment and remind ourselves that we are actually safe, that is life changing. If, however, we are not safe - well, that is another story all together but a calm response is ALWAYS more helpful than a hyper response.

@xLiLlyx98 8 месяцев назад

@@krestahumphrey2718God yes, one of my least favourite things about all this is the racing heart. Because that really makes me feel like something is wrong, I can deal with mental discomfort usually but if I feel like I can hardly breathe because I'm so aware of my heartbeat, it just distracts me further. So yeah, reminding myself that I'm actually safe should be incorporated into my calming down routine 😅

@freyashipley6556 Год назад

I'd also be thinking, "I'm sure the forks are somewhere on this table right now, and I'm just not seeing them. If I interrupt my host to ask for a fork, she's going to point to them right in front of me, and I'll feel foolish and know that I've interrupted her for no good reason. I can solve this; I can take care of my needs without asking anyone for anything, because that's the only safe way to go."

@KaitLynnHt Год назад

The fork story is absolutely me. My parents taught us very strict rules for politeness, which may have worked for others, but I was undx autistic and HSP... So it became what I like to call toxic politeness, where I will, literally walk into a ditch to get out of someone's way and may brain calls it "just being polite"

@maureenbackstrom6683 11 месяцев назад

I'm seriously codependent. I'm also borderline personality disorder. I never set any boundaries. I'm a mess!

@SarahMichelle777 11 месяцев назад

Oh my goodness, I could have written this comment,

@eveofthewood 10 месяцев назад

SAME

@Encaris 10 месяцев назад

The fork story is 100% happened to me... multiple times.

@PrincessPreciousism Год назад

Pleeeeeaaaase make the video about how to deal with negative emotions of others as a hsp persons! I really need it. I don't know how to deal with it and it feels like it's controlling my life and stopping me from growing

@angelagoodwin5758 Год назад

Yes. I'm dealing with this issue, too. I'm really struggling.

@hixnbh8086 2 месяца назад

Sameee

@veronicaspaulding209 16 дней назад

Separation of self from the other. I.e. HSP has a hard time with being empathetic, because they don't know how to draw lines between what are your emotions vs someone else's. Acknowledging emotions coming from others is the first step. Then not identifying with them is the second. Even if in your head you can go "this person is feeling sad right now, I am seeing that they are sad, I am not sad, I'm experiencing their experience". You can mentally put a barrier between yourself and the other person, mainly to shut out that emotion and keep it apart from the self. Mainly it's a psychological exercise to just separate with full knowledge of where emotions are coming from.

@veronicaspaulding209 16 дней назад

Then once you're aware of your own experience. I.e. if they're impacting your own emotions like yelling and escalation. First regulate. Take a pause and come back to the conversation. Second when someone else is trying to talk about their own feelings, validate, listen, ask what they need and focus on them, not your own feelings or emotions.

@melliebear374 Год назад

So true. I don’t want my husband to fix my problems I want him to listen and validate that it’s ok to have feelings about situations.

@natleigh04 Год назад

Same!!! I thought I was the only one…

@angelagoodwin5758 Год назад

I'm single, but I understand. We HSPs need people in our lives who won't tell us we shouldn't feel one way or another, but accept that we do and be okay with it.

@alyross2850 11 месяцев назад

Oh my gosh. That’s it. My husband doesn’t understand that and I am always really confused when something goes wrong because I don’t know if my reaction is appropriate or not. Am I having a catastrophic reaction or am I brushing something off that I shouldn’t? I just don’t know.

@eveofthewood 10 месяцев назад

YES

@The-warm-up 8 месяцев назад

@@alyross2850it can be confusing . All the best

@memsterk8 Год назад

I'm an HSP. It's so hard to deal with people's discomfort or misunderstandings etc. I generally care a lot, often probably too much, that when I feel too emotionally close to someone (easily affected by them) I tend to swing to the polar opposite (or feel the need to) and have an "I don't care about them" "I hate them" type of stance in order to create an emotional separation... I want to deal with all of this better. I want to learn to be practical and upfront more in relationships.

@xLiLlyx98 8 месяцев назад

Same! At first I'll try to keep as much distance as possible, eventually realise that it's safe to be vulnerable and then become unable to retain any emotion around that person and feel the need to have them acknowledged, and eventually start resenting the fact that the person has so much influence over me 😅 it's annoying and unhealthy... have you made any progress in the meantime?

@muscularclassrepresentativ5663 7 месяцев назад

@@xLiLlyx98have y’all looked into “anxious attachment style”? Or even borderline personality? That kind of self sabotaging and switching between high interest and low interest and fear of abandonment and self-fulfilling abandonment to regain a sense of control; all indicate some kind of developmental trauma wound (and that can be subtle)

@veronicaspaulding209 16 дней назад

Try learning about cognitive distortions and learn when you're getting into those distortions. Learning self emotional regulation will help with these extreme responses. Even if you're feeling emotions from the other, it's still about learning how to manage our own emotions. Getting some healthy coping mechanisms will help to manage it better.

@sueg2658 Год назад

I’m an HSP and elderly now. I try my best to practice strong boundaries and that really helps me a lot. Most importantly, I practice validation in dealing with others as well as for myself. I try my best to practice active listening. I certainly am not perfect and I expect I will be a work in progress until I draw my last breath. Thank you for sharing your gift.

@AunyxRaShea Год назад

Sharing your experience here is a gift itself, thank you for sharing this. Your comment has impacted me. All the best. 💚

@AunyxRaShea Год назад

@The Good News (Gospel). Scripture reading. you *are* out of touch, no one asked for your proselytizing.

@g.s.632 Год назад

You beautifully described yourself.🤍

@ccbarr58 2 месяца назад

@@AunyxRaShea huh?

@ArchimedesTheCat Год назад

A crossover in the online therapist multiverse! Love it! ❤

@saipirunc.6261 Год назад

A pleasantly surprise!

@ginal2643 Год назад

Ooh ooh! More stuff on HSP's please. Dr Elaine Aron's work on highly sensitive people is life affirming. So wonderful. Would love you to do more on this topic. So many of us are HSP's but a lot of people have never heard of HSP so they think something is wrong with them. This needs to be more mainstream and part of the narrative.

@connie10000 10 месяцев назад

I agree

@BigBossMan538 Год назад

I'm an HSP, and I have high functioning autism. When I'm stressed, I sometimes just shut down and give short answers, I sound very glum. I want people to just leave me alone. I sometimes feel out-of-place in a world that values people who're direct, more "aggressive," extroverted, and that I need to be fixed. That I need to change. It's like I need to learn another language when it comes to interacting with others, picking up cues, and playing the social game.

@jamesmurphy3219 Год назад

As an HSP throughout the majority of my life, I felt that (subconsciously) it was my mission to only be liked by people. I couldn't stand the prospect of being disliked by anyone and tense interactions with people made me feel deeply uncomfortable. But I'm getting better at slowly turning this around as I build a better relationship with myself.

@monika1883 Год назад

So refreshing to hear these things and ohhh the recognition😂😂😂 I manage other’s discomfort by repeating mantras that are essentially boundaries. “I am not responsible for other people’s emotions” and “This is temporary”.

@HappinessPuzzleHealth Год назад

happinesspuzzle.health/ Please visit and share your valuable feedback

@Xenonia Год назад

17:47, I actually have a core memory of someone coming out of a fancy take-out restaurant with a bag full of food for his family (presumably). But he tripped and fell, dropping everything on the ground. He just stood there for like 10 seconds, staring at the spilled food. I was maybe 6 or 7 at the time, and I thought I was feeling an explosion of complex mucky emotions I didn't understand at that time coming from that man that was only a couple of meters away from me. Two decades later, through therapy and all that, I realized that I was constantly trying to prevent people around me from feeling those kinds of emotions. By that I mean the emotions people label as being "lower frequency emotions" or something. Needless to say, those emotions (like anger, sadness, fear, and even more nuanced ones like shame) were suppressed to the max within myself, and stopped me from being authentic with the people around me. What ultimately led me to shed that weight off, was to sit down and re-imagine that scene of the man falling, and myself as a kid simply watching. As an adult, I now know that this man was probably frozen in place simply because he was processing his emotions, and figuring out what to do next. It wasn't a life-ending situation. He simply dropped food on the ground. Maybe he was feeling embarrassed, sad at the loss of money, or whatever. What he was feeling isn't what's important. It's what I was feeling as a kid. I had put myself in his shoes and, being a kid with no money, I couldn't have fixed the situation if that happened to me. Now that I know more about the different emotions and how they feel inside of myself, I can re-experience that scene with adult eyes. Thinking: "Damn, that's a real shame. I'd probably be a little dazed and a bit upset at my own clumsiness if that happened to me. Rough day for that man. I genuinely wish good on him, and that he is able to get new food." So here's advice from an admittedly young person who just discovered their first white beard hair the other day: Learn about yourself and what makes you tick. Feel those emotions deeply, even the more negative ones. Aim to understand how those emotions feel inside of your body, so you can notice them even when your nervous system is going crazy. Notice the good emotions also, and feel them vividly, because you deserve to experience those ones as well. Remember: You can't "logic" yourself out of every single situation. Don't go on this path alone, even if it feels like it's easier. People have value, and so do you. Mix and match your wisdom together and you will both emerge as fuller, brighter people.

@bryarh5430 Год назад

Good read, amazing perspective’s.

@brookesethmiller5137 Год назад

💖. I love the idea of renarrating the story through your current eyes. The power of stories we tell ourselves can be either a prison or a passport, huh?

@carmagurl317 Год назад

Oh man, I felt the emotions reading this story! It sucks lol

@beautyamongashes8378 Год назад

Our rules at work are: 1. Kind and Direct 2. Choose discomfort over resentment 3. Get curious before you get furious And these 3 rules have changed everything for us!

@deplorablemike3349 4 дня назад

Thanks. This will help me a lot.

@rebeccavantassell4646 Год назад

If there had been another HSP in the room they might have sensed your need for a fork and discreetly helped you out. I love your content and also am glad that you're human. ❤

@MK-fg8hi 11 месяцев назад

@@julinaonYT Ohhh!! That's definitely me. I guess it registers as not being selfish therefore politeness is preserved 🤔

@MK-fg8hi 11 месяцев назад

I sometimes get annoyed at people when they don't notice that I'm struggling/need help or attention. Like in the fork example, I will internally (mostly subconsciously) resent the host that they didn't notice that I just came and didn't show around the table and made sure I have everything... I wouldn't say anything, of course, and I would just try to get over this resentment

@saraemily7397 11 месяцев назад

I definitely would have noticed it!

@lauradzubin5715 10 месяцев назад

I would have found you a fork lol. I always thought of myself as highly analytical and detail-oriented, but now I see I am also HSP

@wkhgasmr 7 месяцев назад

this!!!!! 😂

@rachelhaskin5558 Год назад

This video is so helpful. My husband and a few of my kids are HSP’s. The word “sensitive” can definitely be triggering. I’ve tried to reframe that word for them so they see it as a special ability. I NEED sensitive people in my life.

@angieh612 Год назад

As an HSP I can totally relate to this! I hate having to interrupt anyone, especially a group setting where you’re drawing attention to yourself. Looking forward to more content on HSPs!

@tinaperez7393 Год назад

Lots of great things here: - assertiveness is a critical skill that everyone, but HSPs especially, needs to learn. - HSPs especially need to practice and get good at "distress tolerance". Yours and other people's. Emma and Jonathan mentioned the possibility of doing another video on just that. That would be a good topic to cover. - the John Gottman (sp?) book sounds like a great one to read. I myself REALLY need help being POSITIVE / actually effective in how I communicate my needs and wants with people. The example of saying things like "i would really feel abc (loved, supported, helped), if you did xyz" - figuring out and telling someone how they can be the hero in a given scenario is something I really need to write down, remember and practice. I tend to attack, go for the jugular, guns blazing, full force, full fight mode, throwing everything and the kitchen sink at someone. - And this is with me even KNOWING this is the wrong thing / ineffective even relationship sabotaging thing to do, but i don't have better ways to do it / better tools. I guess I don't feel like I'm cared about, or seen or heard, and so I'm trying ro force the other person to see and hear me. But of course my angry, knee kerk, reactionary, primitive brain approach has just the opposite effect.

@GW-jx3cz Год назад

Hey Tina and Shhh, that is so me also. It is about boundaries. I am too caring to others, give too much, and then bandwidth is stretched too far, I get stressed and see others not caring/helping when I'm left to deal with too much, so I literally snap from being stretched too much. We need to step back and give less of ourselves. It's so hard and miserable sometimes, but only at the start, because it is about gaining self control, about gaining self respect and self appreciation. Then we won't have to lash out. I've learned CBT and Anger Management, and the deep breaths, walk away, say 'I can't talk about this right now, can we come back and discuss later when I have had a chance to give this more thought'....

@whome3530 10 месяцев назад

Me three, know it’s wrong, can’t control, fire away, feel shame and self loathing, blame the other, lose trust in myself, withdraw, give up, wanna die. Never realized I am HSP, always thought I’m broken. Child home very fearful and emotional neglect. Always revert back to my childhood triggers. I have great empathy, can listen to others pain, but can’t get my needs met cause I’m not sure what I need or feel. When I use ‘I feel’ statements and nothing changes, I feel betrayed, abandoned. Miserable. The worst is that I am totally blocked from God/the Spirit, can’t feel them at all and feel abandoned. I’m a failure to Pres. Nelson’s warning, I’m doomed

@xLiLlyx98 8 месяцев назад

Yes yes and yes to everything you guys said! Kind of relieved I'm not the only one. As I go in with an attack out of frustration and feeling spread too thin I can hear myself going in the back of my head "uh oh, the reaction is not gonna be good" but as if it would magically lead to a different outcome some day, I do it again. Must also learn to remind myself to try a gentler approach while also not getting spread so thin with stuff nobody asked me to do in the first place 😅😂

@kaitlinweber1323 Год назад

Could you do a video on HSP in general?

@adelacozlac366 9 месяцев назад

Here is a personal story so you don't feel bad about the fork event, because stuff like that happens to us HSP people: I went to someone's restaurant (a owner) and I ordered a tea. They brougut it to me, but without the teabag. I didnt want to bother them, so when they ask me if I like the tea I said it was great! So I just actually drank hot water with sugar to not offend the person...Funny thing is they figured out in the end and I felt so embarrased!

@BeeLZBeeb Месяц назад

Lol, I felt this comment.

@ladyesther Год назад

HSP here. It was somewhat validating when I learned about being a HSP. This was a timely video for me. Thank you.

@mariannadavis1922 Год назад

I really felt, for the first time, so validated by the way i think and feel. As an HSP I am so hard on myself and how I feel so deeply towards people, my feelings and analyzing interactions and replaying scenarios. These things can be so emotionally draining to say the least. I LOVED the humor and gentle explanations that were so relatable and even lighthearted. I will share this video with my “fixer” husband. It is explained so clearly and beautifully, Also what I am learning most these days as an HSP is to listen to when resentments start to take root, to mentally “pull over” and look at what is really going on and in a kind way, say what I need- use my voice and be heard. This video was a true gift. Thank you both.

@lisalongton4441 Год назад

I totally agree. In the video, the spoke about how normal it is to feel and think as I do, because of being an HSP. It also helped to hear Einstein himself was an HSP. HSP is in no way a reflection of intelligence. Emotional intelligence is completely different from IQ.

@lilytea3 8 месяцев назад

0:00: 🎥 Jonathan Decker from Cinema Therapy and Mended Light discusses conflict resolution and management for highly sensitive people. 2:54: 🎯 The video discusses the challenges faced by highly sensitive physicists in a capitalist society. 5:08: 🍴 The speaker shares a personal story about a book club meeting where there were no forks for the salad. 7:57: 😮 Highly sensitive people feel emotions intensely and value the comfort of others while strongly opposing causing discomfort or inconvenience. 10:16: 😡 Highly sensitive people (HSPs) often struggle with anger and passive aggressiveness in relationships. 12:39: 🗣 Being direct and honest with others is important for maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding resentment and bitterness. 15:11: 🗣 Highly sensitive people (HSPs) often just want to be heard and validated rather than seeking advice or solutions. 17:51: 🤔 The video discusses how highly sensitive people (HSPs) manage discomfort and receive feedback in relationships. 20:16: 🗣 Effective communication strategies in relationships can help prevent emotional shutdowns during intense conversations. Recap by Tammy AI

@firetea775 Год назад

It's such a relief to have HSP therapists talking about HSP topics as a fellow HSP myself. Unfortunately many conflicts in my life I end up crying too much to solve the conflict and the other person does not take me seriously. I will keep standing up for myself and others though, no matter how difficult and overwhelming the emotions get. Wishing all other HSP's the best !! And for any HSP's that deal with a lot of crying episodes, Letting you know you're not alone and should not have to feel guilty for expressing yourself in a natural/normal way. Also would love to see any episodes and advice for guilt free crying. 😅 the guilt and embarrassment for crying is a dark place to be stuck in.

@alisonmartin3856 Год назад

This was so helpful! Need more HSP videos. Parenting as an HSP, dating as an HSP, job hunting as an HSP...

@waleedrasool Год назад

I love this! I didn't know I was an HSP but my entire life. I thought something was wrong with me and blamed myself when people called me too sensitive or when I easily cried for feeling emotions especially sad ones. But this makes me relate so much. I am so happy to know that there are people like me out there! And we don't have to think of this as a disease but rather we can turn this weakness into a blessing. 💕💕💕

@rayeregan8114 Год назад

In your conversations about fight or flight and freeze, please include fawn. Highly sensitive people often fawn, dishonoring their own wants and needs to deescalate uncomfortable situations. I'm looking for more conversations regarding this. I love what you're doing. Thank you so much for all your efforts.

@soaringstudios6243 Год назад

Thank you for this video! I am an HSP and can relate in so many ways, including not wanting to ask for a fork!! I feel so 'seen'! I would love to hear more about how to deal with other's negative emotions and how to not 'take on' other's emotions as my own regarding a situation. How can we support without feeling like it's our fault or responsibility? Thanks again!

@lousiapapaya9223 Год назад

Darüber würde ich auch gerne mehr erfahren!

@catchingstars7 Год назад

Good collab! Good talk. Answer to his question: As an HSP, I've seen both sides of dealing with conflict. I know the standard way, and I've devised a solution that's a ZEN way to deal with intense conflict. It has steps. When a conflict breaks out between two people on the other side of the room, or between me and another person, my natural instinct is to get into flight mode. If that doesn't work, I go into freeze/fawn-mode where it's easiest to quell the conflict by accept accusations regardless of whether they are correct, and to be the saviour, and to be the validating person. Then my HSP uses me. ALTERNATIVELY, I become aware that a conflict is breaking out and I warn my body that this will be uncomfortable, so my body actively acknowledges the conflict (instead of trying to ignore/deny/refrain involvement). "Ok there's conflict over there." And next, I imagine a bubble around me, because their emotions don't have to me my emotions. "I'm going to put up my mental shield." And next, I can let the conflict happen around me, where I actively remind myself that the 'conflict' is just a LOUD conversation between. "These are two scared animals that both want to find the best way to be safe. They both argue intensely on the short-term about the best way to avoid long-term conflict. And avoiding short-term conflict causes big issues on the long-term. So it's healthy these two people talk like that." If I'm in the conflict, then I use my HSP. I use my sensitivity as a tool for conflict resolution. I also do this: I try to see where I am in the drama triangle, and which drama triangle that person sketches, then I ask myself how to make it into a positive anti-drama triangle. Sometimes, I admit out loud that I am not entirely clear on how to say what want, and I ask the other person to help me verbalize my thoughts and wishes. I use MANY of Emma's techniques to name&acknowledge their intense emotion, figure out if there are secondary emotions, validate that it must hurt to have a boundary crossed, and I use 'non-violent communication' techniques. Now I can stand in front of loudly complaining customers or panicking friends, or arguing strangers, and I can be completely zen, exhale, and think: "that sounds like your problem, and it's not mine to fix." And I'll be happy.

@DaleRogers 5 месяцев назад

My wife and I are both HSPs. We are thoughtful with our language and own our own stuff. We’ve been married for 20 years and our relationship deepens every year. She’s a retired Social Worker. I’m a retired college professor. To me, sensitivity is a mic with the gain turned up. Did my parents understand me? Not until I was an adult and understood myself enough to articulate my experience. My mom wanted a fighter, because she was. I was more of a diplomat. Why create needless suffering? I first heard Desiderata when I was 12. “Avoid loud and aggressive persons. They are vexations to the spirit.” That poem was on my wall throughout my teens. It was a beacon.

@LBDservices Год назад

I hope there will be a part 2 to this video. As an HSP woman in my 40s, I am learning that I am whole and not broken. My childhood was about- Oh you are too sensitive. Why do you worry so much? Why do you cry? Why do you care so much ? As an adult, learning that I am a highly sensitive person, I can look back on all the times I got really hurt by feedback at work and people around me dismissed my feelings. The setting of boundaries in my own business is something I continue working on. The fork story 😅100% too! Thank you for providing excellent tips in this video. I am a healer, learning how to heal myself and these tips were eye opening ❤. I hope you will have a continuation video and plan to watch this one again so I can take notes. Huge appreciation for you both.

@jessicawilson3120 Год назад

I’m a fixer. My husband is more of a HSP. The idea of changing what I’m trying to fix is just sooo helpful for me. Also, love the colab! Two of my favorite therapists in one vid is great!

@YasuTaniina Год назад

My name is Emma, so when Emma said "Hey Emma, you are failing at EVERYTHING!" My stomach plummeted for a moment before my brain caught up😅🤦🏻‍♀️

@HolliNiesen Год назад

I'm an HSP married to another HSP. Conversation can be SO hard when either of us is anything less than happy. One of us shuts down and the other gets frustrated because they don't feel heard and we both wind up hurt and probably in tears. We've had to work really hard to recognize when to shelve conversations and try again later

@muscularclassrepresentativ5663 7 месяцев назад

My closest friends and I are all autistic and have emotional sensitivity but also big emotions, and used to have poor communication skills lol. Very rocky start but we got really good at conflict resolution and two of us are therapists now haha

@TAHOEkaleidonaut Год назад

✨JONO!✨ Really appreciate the cross-pollination! Been subscribed to Cinema Therapy about as long as I’ve been here, & I’m also sub’d to Mended Light. So happy to see RU-vid Clinicians working together.💖

@JonathanDecker Год назад

Thank you for supporting all of our channels! Emma made me feel right at home.

@sandrak.7485 Год назад

More videos for HSPs please! This was so incredibly helpful. Came at just the right time. Thank you!

@nancys1016 Год назад

I listened to this today while traveling. I will listen again because there is so much good stuff in it. Mostly that it is validating. I'm fortunate that I was born into a family of HSPs but I, undoubtedly, am the most volatile. My parents realized early on that they didn't need to 'punish' me because I was always harder on myself than they ever would have been. A simple dirty look was enough to send me over the edge. (It still is😉) Of course, I noticed that I was treated a little differently and thought they didn't love me.🤦 And Emma, if I had seen your fork predicament, I would have joined in.... I should help because you'reuncomfortable. Should I interrupt for you? But it's rude to interrupt. Should I get into the drawers and look for you? Should I give you my fork?? I'm so stressed out. What should I do to help?? Omgoodness.Why did I even leave my house and come to this book club?? 😆

@braejac Год назад

Loving this collab. Emma, you might like a cool compliment. I used Bing's search AI. I asked it how to stop a shame spiral. It gave a great explanation and content, and it linked three videos. One was Dr. John Gottman, one was Brene Brown, and the other was yours. You are in great company. Congratulations. I refer clients to your videos on a frequent basis, and then many come back and tell me that they went down the rabbit hole and watched way more videos than just the one I recommended. Thank you for being such a great therapist!

@stefaniedunn9412 Год назад

As an hsp managing others discomfort is so hard! 1. It feels so intense 2. You naturally want to make it better... ive had to really and still work on this... i can empathize but not my responsibility the given person accountable/responsible for their feelings.. my mantra. Practicing active listening, validating helps to not try and jump in there beyond that... those are my thoughts.... but also its hard depending on what it is or how big the others emotions were...finding a way to release emotions like tears of futility after hearing or witnessing hard emotions, journaling, getting the emotions out in some way and recognizing its not my emotions

@tealkolibri24 Год назад

Although both of you have such a great sense of humor I literally cried a few times through this video.. I have felt these things so many times but never quite had the words to explain them.. Thank you for making me feel accepted and understood 🙏 ❤

@Nadiasalen Год назад

Finally ! The one topic I love the most to learn 🎉 Please Emma, bring more information about being a HSP or deal with one. Thank you both for sharing all this knowledge about it ❤

@ixchelssong Год назад

So, right there with you on any kind of conflict (in my mind)! I'm better than I was about it. I know I have to have hard conversations sometimes. But when one is going to happen. I'll rehearse it in my head for at least a few days. Sadly, some people take my carefully-rehearsed, least-offensive way to have the conversation and react in the worst way, making it even harder to have any conversation with those people.

@cindyjakacki-null1244 7 месяцев назад

I've only watched the first several minutes; I am a highly sensitive person, but I do not have the tendency to avoid confrontation of any type. (I would have asked where the forks are right away - but politely and patiently). Yes. I have tended to be afraid of rejection, especially if I don't use the "correct" tone; however, I want things to be out in the open without ongoing "hidden" or "unspoken" problem solving. I do fear that I'm reading too much into it, but am learning to trust myself. I think it is fair to say that not all HSP's are alike in every area - just like not all persons with addictions or ADHD or diabetes or perfectionists are exactly the same. That's what makes us unique!

@keegankeepgoing Год назад

Incredibly helpful. Wish I had this understanding of myself when I was young - what a difference it would have made to my views on the people in my life and most importantly, myself. I regret taking so long to get my 'college education' on self; I do give myself grace.

@rowanstarling3816 2 месяца назад

YES!!! My daughter's therapist gave me Elaine Aron's book about 15 years ago, because she thought she was HSP and as I read the book, I did see some of those traits in her, but I 100% identified with it and felt validated and recognized, at least that someone found value in sensitivity instead of everyone saying I was TOO sensitive, like it was a flaw. Your very first example hit the nail on the head for me...this is me to a T... even though it wasn't conflict. I have wrestled with this my whole life, and I have had low self-esteem issues too...still to a small degree, but in therapy and working on ALL of my trauma. IT's super hard when you are in conflict with someone, especially someone you live with and everything they do irritates you, but you can't speak up, so avoid them as much as possible. It makes me feel like a terrible person, but I'm stuck between a rock and hard place. The worst part now is that I don't feel at peace in my home. It hurts my heart and soul. In this instance, my telling her the truth, would hurt the household financially, so I need to come up with a different solution. I'll speak to my therapist about it.

@KaylaPearlCPNinja 5 месяцев назад

This video is so relatable to me on many levels because not only am I an HSP, but I also have have multiple disabilities (ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety, and had a right frontal lobe brain injury before birth) that actively cause my struggles with emotional regulation and feeling intense emotions more than my family members do. My parents initially really had zero idea that I was a highly sensitive person even when I was a kid. And they would scold me for having such intense reactions to things for expressing such intense emotions. There are days when I wish I could go back in time and tell them that they are actually dealing with an HSP child and that scolding them for having such intense emotional responses will ultimately lead to more problems in the future.

@heatherwilson1019 Год назад

I’m an hsp and i absolutely loved and felt seen by this video.

@pennywarren2357 Год назад

How reassuring to know that I'm not alone, that being an HSP is not a bad thing, and that I can learn more skills to handle my emotions better. Also, your explanations of the "whys" are incredibly helpful! Thank you for your channel and for having an HSP who can relate. Blessings

@laura38ab Год назад

Thanks for the video! I like how you started out talking about HSPs in a way I haven't heard before. It was validating for me as an HSP who prefers a quiet life and often feels guilty for not doing more. The world, or our culture, tells me to measure my worth on how much I accomplish, my job title and what others think of me. My natural desire is to quietly care for the people around me and enjoy the beauty around me while adding what I can to it. As a stay at home mom HSP, just doing that can feel really overwhelming though also personally fulfilling, but the world tells me that is not enough. Also, I totally relate to the fork story! Thanks for letting us know we're not the only ones! And giving us tools to improve our lives and our relationships!

@MsGaella Год назад

Also, it really helps to active listen. “So you had a really hard day. So your roommate was being really cold to you today.” Being heard is so wonderful. That really helps me.

@dvmedic Год назад

I didn’t know that i was an HSP until i watched this video and you perfectly described me. And I’ve been in therapy for over a decade.

@user-rv2gb2ss3x 10 месяцев назад

This was great advice! I replayed certain sections several times (and took notes!!). It really spoke to a situation I'm currently navigating as an HSP. Yes! Please, please do a video on how HSPs can tolerate other people's discomfort!

@shan4901 Год назад

I have had the hardest relationship with my boss due to this. He’s all about conflict and likes to “spare”, I struggle and feel like I’m being bulldozed.

@evasccl7846 Год назад

How do I manage other people's discomfort? I have a high kick of compassion for the person and would almost automatically find ways to create a safe environment to talk to, I acknowledge that I too have felt discomfort and talk about a personal experience and how I overcame it. That creates a connection and enables them to open up about what has them in discomfort... and listen to them in order to understand them, i tend to repeat back what i understood to double check ... and the rest just flows naturally because both sides are familiar with discomfort and how to overcome it, with its benefits! Ah, and we celebrate the fact of having had talked about it! 😊🥳

@StefanieBug 12 дней назад

This video was a game changer for me. Honestly. Thank you from all of my heart.

@tonytks3737 Год назад

I am HSP... I rejected an insurance who came out of blue to me. I said no to him. It happened yesterday. Still now I am overwhelmed and stressed about that ... Creating scenarios in my mind of what more should I say.. He don't know me, just want commission, financially he is well off. I am in a debt situation, he was unwilling to hear me . Just want the deal done. I am glad I said no to him. But I am still in fight mode with. Adrenal is not going off

@aoi_midori9151 Год назад

Thanks for this, I felt identified 100% with the reactions you described and managing conflict or even the possibility of uncomfortable conversations is hard. Please keep doing more on this topic :)

@Mistymegaccinomoments Год назад

Love this collab! Already watched the one over on cinema therapy. Very cool. Hsp here and I love your transparency about the fork! I have been audibly reminding myself of when other’s emotions/problems are not my responsibility. So cool to see that the world doesn’t implode if I let someone else process their emotions without my “help”. Releasing control/responsibility that wasn’t mine to carry is so freeing!

@josephgonzales9649 Год назад

Two of my favorite therapist RU-vidrs in one video. This is great already and I haven’t even started watching the video yet!

@ameliachn Год назад

This is the collaboration I never knew I needed but sooooo do!! And I am here for it!! 😭😭😭

@marjamerryflower Год назад

This conversation was so natural and overwhelming. Have we ever talked about HSP on this channel before? I most certainly would love to hear more of you about that, Emma. The fork story was so recognizable! Thank you for sharing it surrounded with joy and laughter. Good thinking to eat the salad with the pita. Hopefully you will be more relaxed in the future with your bookclub. Building friendships takes time. And well worth the effort and short term discomfort. Coming back after having listened 5 times i would love Emma to do the topics addressed in the usual format. Clean, calm, logical. There is just too much going on. It's beautiful to see vulnerability in a person and it's uncomfortable at the same time. What i love in this channel is that all issues are unwrapped, like the skins of an onion, and put into subsequent steps that, put together, helps the audience to build a certain SKILL.

@Marina_7 Год назад

Best collaboration ever! Thank you both as always for your help and insight!

@paromitadesarkar1677 Год назад

A collaboration I always wished for. Glad you're doing this. 🎉

@kirtanashanchez6534 Год назад

Love the collab! Two insightful people together is a treat!

@ijn2252 Год назад

As a therapist this is a better crossover than the Avengers.

@alexrechkin7 Год назад

Love your channels, this one of most exciting collaborations for me ever.

@AunyxRaShea Год назад

AAAAHHH a collab of two of my favorite YT therapists!! I'm so excited to see this!!

@zhannas3033 Год назад

Omg I’m going to watch this video multiple times SO good! ❤

@reganstandlick7520 Год назад

I absolutley love this. I always knew I was sensitive but gosh this describes me in a nutshell. I seem to struggle with handling my regulation if there are multiple things going on at once or too much chaos or if I think there will be danger in some way even if it's not towards me such as when working with kids. I handle conflict better if the person stays calm and gentle towards me and sits down with me but I've had other bosses who were very in my face and I just would freeze and was constantly wondering what I was doing wrong.

@marjorymsuku9312 10 месяцев назад

It was so great having Jonathan on this video! Yes, just re-direct what you will fix: not what they are talking about, but how the are feeling. Love Emma's term: "being flooded" for being emotionally overwhelmed.😊 Thank you for an insightful video! 💕💕💕

@angiecas8180 Год назад

OH MY GOD!!! Thank you, thank you! So glade this collaboration happened!!!!

@Ruylopez778 Год назад

Just in case you need a little extra validation, I found this video to be fun, informative, thought provoking and extremely helpful in articulating how I feel/behave in many situations. It provided practical, tangible strategies (as always) on how to approach conflict, and a gentle kick up the backside (as always) to try and be a little better, a little more vulnerable, and a little more courageous and kind. Also, this conversational style video feels easier to digest than the presentation style ones which can be a little overwhelming (in a good way) for me at least, and I frequently pause to make notes and take in what is being said. A fun change of pace, and perhaps because it's a less heavy topic than some videos? Thanks very much for all you do!

@robynblair155 Год назад

Thank you for your honesty with your own experiences in this video. At times I feel ashamed for being so sensitive and the bizarre things I do to avoid conflict. But I totally felt at home watching this video. 🙏

@magorzatakucharczyk7301 Год назад

You both are my favourite people on RU-vid 🥰

@valeriecollier1621 Год назад

My two favourite therapists, thank you for doing this together! Wonderful 😘🇬🇧💕

@rachaelgalvez435 Год назад

I love your book club story! I totally didn't notice what you were doing, haha. I hope you stay in our book club after you move.

@Rizko505 Год назад

Thats so nice to hear people that know how it is and its so full of great advice! please do more about this topic!

@rubyjulivre1136 Год назад

Really love and appreciate the collabs between you and Cinema Dad, Emma ❤

@tinaperez7393 Год назад

My favorite Mormon therapists! And two of my favorite therapists in general! 👍❤️🔥

@marzhan2074 6 месяцев назад

Thank you, its so amazing to recognize that I'm a regular person as any pther hsp. Cause being ashamed of having my deep feelings was difficult to endure year by year. Amd now I see that I'm not alone and BEING ME IS OK!❤🎉🥰🔥

@saphira122mimi Год назад

OMG THIS TWO DOING A COLLAB?! I LOVE IT!!! 💗💗💗 I love Cinema Therapy!! 💗 And Emma too of course

@Staci.Wilson Год назад

What a great video - thank you so much! I'll definitely be re-watching this later with my husband.

@alisiajennings861 Год назад

As a current student of CBT, I found this video really interesting. I found myself on both sides of the fence and that was an inspiration in understanding myself and my inner world. ❤

@ellythedreamerHQ 4 месяца назад

"If you remembered to do this thing for me, I would feel so loved and appreciated." Oooooh! That phrasing changes everything! Mindblown! ❤

@healingfear 10 месяцев назад

I love seeing you two collaborating. I love both Therapy in a Nutshell and Cinema Therapy.

@connie10000 10 месяцев назад

🎉Emma, you both were amazingly insightful. Love the humor & commaraderie. It makes ones mindset more relaxed to digest your strategies. Blessings

@hey_virginia Год назад

Two of my favorite RU-vidrs!!! Thank you for this 😍

@eveofthewood 10 месяцев назад

Thank you tremendously for the fork story. That alone made me feel so seen! I've had that kind of experience a million times. Thank you, truly.

@inatwirlingram2540 Год назад

Thank you both, i relate to this so much as an hsp. I would never have asked for the fork 😁 Yet i am a manager of 10 staff and it is so hard for me to have those tough conversations with staff. Also even as a mature adult i find group situations difficult and am sensitive to anything that i might think of as negative as i am very alert to this. This is exacerbated by the fact that i was badly bullied when younger and its unbelievable how this can still make me feel uncomfortable even as an adult. Thank you for this 😊

@homeismyvacation 5 месяцев назад

What a comfort to know you are not alone, or damaged when you hear others acting the same way you have done. Thank you for that. Just wish there was a good way to make others understand you.

@erinkipple4480 Год назад

Thank you! This was so affirming and timely. I had already scheduled to have a face to face conversation with my boyfriend and stumbled upon this. It helped me have insight as an hsp as to why I'm dreading it and tips for how to better address how he (unintentionally I believe) hurt me. I'm feeling more confident regardless of the outcome.

@melaleuca1881 Год назад

I still struggle with other situations, but I've worked very hard tk get to a place with my father where there's more physical and emotional distance. When I say that, I mainly mean an effort to sever and avoid reestablishing enmeshment. A lot of this has been me rediscovering myself, who I am, how I'm different from my family, and accepting that while also working to do exactly what one if you described: empathizing without giving in or giving up, without acquiescing to another person's beliefs/needs/desires/moods. Granted this has taken me being on medication, seeing 2 therapists, and going to group therapy for several months (therapy bootcamp as one of my treatment team put it). I voluntarily chose this for myself and it's... so very me, lol. Point being, I'm learning how to interact with my emotions without over-identifying with them. I'm learning to say things like a broken record sometimes when I have a boundary that isn't being acknowledged. Empathizing by recognizing another person's experience without foregoing my own. "I can understand that you would feel/think/believe x/y/z, and this is my experience and this is a boundary I'm setting. If you continue to disregard that boundary, I will remove your access to me." Over and over again, "I understand that, and this is a boundary." They keep pushing and I say "This is a boundary. It seems like you really want me to let you cross it and I'm not willing to allow that. So what should we do?" This has involved (still involves) working through so much childhood trauma, weeks and weeks of group DBT therapy with different modules covering different topics and skillsets, mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal conflict resolution, etc etc. I've pretty much made it my job, as I'm 26 and unemployed. Cause i know I need this if i want change to last. I think the hardest part of it still is struggling with self-doubt. Believing in myself, having faith that I can handle what life throws at me. As an HSP and someone with ADHD, I've internalized this belief that I am not made to survive let alone live in this world. Often, I still wonder why I keep trying. But no one is actually made to survive any of this. We adabt, use our innate abilities, develop skills. We use what we have to work with. And, the system we live in, in many ways, we create it, we perpetuate or change it. We may not have a lot of control or power over much of anything, and we can still keep going and change ourselves, our perspectives, our attitudes, our beliefs, however slowly. We can change our lives, if nothing else. We have little to no control over most outcomes, over most circumstances. And we can keep getting back up for however long we can keep getting back up. It's hard. People talk about life getting better, and it does. I don't think it gets easier though, necessarily. We can get better at doing hard things. Hard things don't get easier. Life doesn't get easier. And we can get better at living it.

@mominator-inator Год назад

A MILLION HEARTS FOR THIS VIDEO!!! THANK YOU!!!💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

@user-uj2jf3xt7j Год назад

Excellent video! I’m also a therapist and an HSP. Very validating and wonderful information for those unaware of how we as HSP’s operate. Thanks so much!

@nenes24 Год назад

oh my god the advice on trying to help how people feel instead of their situations was so helpful! as an hsp with a lot of long distance friendships, the truth is that i can't fix or better some of the things they go through. their discomfort, pain or sadness causes me such a great sadness, i wish i could help whenever they're going through uncomfortable times. drawing a line versus the situation and what they feel clears up so much!

@mtunmore3759 Год назад

I had no idea how much I needed to know what was discussed in this video. Thank you so much. Hope it helps someone else soon.

@mforeveryours Год назад

Great video! Thank you for both of your insights. I'm subscribed to all three channels, and almost never miss a video. Sometimes I even rewatch videos because I get something new each time. 🥰 I'm an HSP, and what I've learnt to do is to take a walk/timeout and ask myself what my desired outcome/goal is. I think about different ways to communicate it, and also just what I'd really like them to hear. I type it out on my notes app on my phone to make sure I don't overreact or self-abandon (both of which I used to do). Ultimately, I want to respond confidently, kindly and honestly, from an adult-like, regulated, self-advocating place rather than from a child-like flustered and ego-centric place. I know it seems like a lot of work, but the more I do it, the more I become aware of my stirred up emotions earlier on. I am getting better at responding or simply choosing not to engage if I feel like the whole conflict is about the other person, not me. Either way, to me, becoming self-aware, intentional, knowing what truly matters to me (and is worth fighting for) and knowing how to not get caught up in my emotions is a gift that keeps on giving. 😊 One last bonus I got from my healing journey is learning that I really don't need to prove myself or my beliefs/opinions to anyone. They can agree or disagree, approve or disapprove, and none of it has to affect/change me. I choose how I act, so I choose not to tie my worth to others' opinions. To me this has felt extremely liberating.