Personally, emptiness is the worst part. It constantly feels like something is missing or like something is wrong. It was interesting how anger plays a part. For me, it's I feel everything or nothing at all. I can not seem to find a middle ground. The emptiness for me is this constant ache like your heart is breaking over and over. It's not broken it never fully breaks. it's just in a constant state of breaking. This is like the only way I can explain it.
This is how it feels for me too. I have a longing for someone, to hear their voice, to be close, to fill that. It's like I'm not as real as everyone else.
I’m someone with bpd and I’m very sensitive to people’s tone of voice. That being said, Dr fox you have one of the most comforting ways of talking I’ve ever heard ! Not only is your advice life changing but your energy is so calming also. Can’t thank you enough 🙏🏼
Right? And he doesn't just look at the camera, he engages just like it's one on one conversation, with all the yummy comforting tones...helps so much to really take it in.🤗
I’ve written a lot about this. I think emptiness for me feels like I have no shape or form or structure, like a mist or a cloud that just floats around. It contributes to my unstable self image because I only take shape when I’m in a relationship, and I take the form of the other person, if that makes sense. Lately I’ve been feeling more solidified and whole once I stopped being in a relationship. Eventually I think my BPD could go into remission the longer I embrace myself outside of a romantic partner. Another person (or FP) in my life does give me a false sense of feeling full. I’m still very young and learning how to live. I’m 28 and eventually want to find myself-I’ve just been floating for a while.
I'm turning 38 and still trying to learn how to live. My expirience of emptiness is very similar to yours. Feeling ghost like where people can pass trough me. Nothing ever sticks.
Yay for you doing the work to heal...I have found it helpful to focus on treating myself as someone I love at the cherished favorite person level, as an action...when in relationship my focus is on them, how can I make them happy, etc,so shifting that intent to making myself feel happy, grounded, etc is not impossible,as I once thought. I was in my forties before realizing self love wasn't an emotion to just magically make happen, but an action like when I love others, and consistently doing those actions in self nurture and self expression and doing the things that are "me" manifest the self love emotion bc it's like you learn to trust you as someone who is good to you and the negative self talk turns positive.My personal struggle now is in holding onto self focus enough when in a relationship to still prioritize my own needs and to not be "less" or feel like less when I am not getting that person's attention or they've triggered feelings with their tone or actions...be glad you're working on it now, I wasted years accepting that I was just irreparably broken....we can learn and heal and grow.🤗
Thank you for sharing. I'm 28 too and totally empathise with wanting to find yourself and learning how to live. A friend of mine said the other day that I seem happier than most of the people in his life, I didn't know how to explain that I'm completely different when I'm alone and that others help me take shape and "light up".
I love the inside! I was recently diagnosed with bpd. I broke up with the married boyfriend a couple days ago. I am lost, in the emptiness. I know that I have to do this outside of romantic partnerships. Seeing this was a reminder, thank you
I’ve been free from depression for the last 8-10 years so I know my emptiness doesn’t come from it. I think what it is for me is boredom. When I’m with my favorite person, my emotions feel heightened. I often compare being with them to a drug. So other relationships feel boring to me. I wonder if the boredom is tied to my lack of fulfillment in life. Like I’m 26, don’t have a significant other, working stable jobs, but not feeling like it utilizes my talents enough. Then again, even when I did do theatre, which is what I’d rather be doing, I still recall having a sense of boredom around friends who weren’t my favorite person and attachment issues. I wonder if there’s more beyond my lack of fulfillment…. Perhaps it’s identity issues.
First RU-vidr I found with BPD expertise, and first BPD content creator I enjoy and learn something from. Thank you. Wanted to get back into therapy but very discouraged, insurance, in person preferred (every therapist now wants telehealth. Fuck that.) I know what I need. I bought your book and Marsha Linehan DBT book. I want to be a psychotherapist which is scary, given my recent diagnosis of BPD. Prev diagnosed cptsd & major depressive & gen anxiety, ANYWAY. We need more people like you! So excited to work with your workbook, and Marsha’s DBT book. Not to say fuck a therapist, but Im kinda discouraged. Thank you. You’re very nice.
I'm also training to become a counsellor even though I have BPD traits co-morbid with depression. If my training so far has taught me anything, it's that a lot of counsellors have their own struggles and that's how they're able to empathise and relate to their clients 🙏🙏🙏
@@hhaannnnaahh222 You are right, I think it gives us a unique ability to relate to others where it can be deeply rewarding. It’s very important though that we are living our lives and keeping our ‘word’ with clients. Like it’s definitely going to be hard dealing with a client who’s struggling with the same thing you’re struggling with, but as long as you’ve done the work, and keep doing the work, you can get to even the trickiest people. That’s what I think I can bring to the table for borderlines. I’m back in DBT/CBT and I can’t wait to see the effects it will have on my life again. It’s so fascinating how even the most delusional thoughts can be challenged and corrected with empathy if listened to.
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
I’m 45 and have to say overcoming this chronic loneliness/emptiness is the hardest part for me in recovery from BPD. Connection with others, prayer, volunteering especially with people who are really suffering helps me take the focus off of my feelings of emptiness and put it into service for others, getting out of my head, doing the opposite of what I want to do which is dwell, drink, stay in self pity. Any other suggestions?
I absolutely use anger as a cover. It's an emotion I'm very comfortable with; however, it never fixes that emptiness. For me, that emptiness feels like a void, as if no matter what I do it never goes away. I appreciate you bringing insights on how to deal with these feelings.
I usually tend to refer to my sense of emptiness as a black hole, a spiral that no matter what I try to put inside gets sucked into oblivion. Is like a sharp pain of having my heart sucked into with whatever I tried to fill with, like my body rejecting it immediately and taking it away into the black hole because is never truly the answer. Is like I'm constantly playing a character that has hints of what I'm supposed to be based on my likes and faint memories from childhood but it never truly lands and leaves me feeling more empty as I'm just a character acting to nobody when alone or being a mirror to other or people that already left to details, way of talking, dressing, acting.
Hi Dr. Fox. I have BPD and Im currently watching your playlist on helping people with bpd. I find your videos so helpful, so encouraging, I feel better and better as I keep watching a new one. For years Ive just been medicated but Ive found that taking the time educate yourself about what you have is key to understand it and thus control it. Thank you for your amazing work and help. You know how to explain it, how to give us tips and you empathize with us and encourage us.
This has totally opened up a new line or recovery for me. I have always wondered what triggers my episodes and now i know its not an external trigger that someone does, but a normal world experience that exposes my lack of self image. I am so excited to work on this better in the future
Ozzy as an empath and I know many people with borderline personality disorder, call upon Jesus man and I promise he can help you. I know that's easier said than done but I promise you he works.
Jesus does help, God fills that hole but i will admit I still struggle with emptiness and i have a solid walk with Christ. I think it is something that i have to give to God on a daily basis and use tools that Dr Fox talks about
same i experienced it from such a young age, i used to just stare into space for ages or not want to get out of bed at the weekends because i felt this weird combination of restlessness and hopelessness, i think partly due to abandonment depression and the void created by being raised by emotionally dysregulated addicts.
I wish we could scan brain activity or borderline person experiencing state of emptiness. I bet there is considerabl slow down of brain activity with out going in to sleep. mode.
for me emptiness feels like i've turned to stone, i can't smile, my chest and stomach feel like voids, like there's holes in me, i see no point to anything, time stands still, the colour fades, i feel completely alone in the world.
It's sucks realizing that there is a lot of moments periods that your happy and feel whole. As you get older and learning about your BPD opens your eyes oh thinking it was natural because that's how you were programmed since a child not knowing those bouts of feeling empty thinking it was just *from my pov* boredom of what ever situation I was going through at that time and automatically filling it with a person/alcohol/activities that brought me to highs of euphoria that would prolong the next bout of *empty* knowing now . I have very unhealthy ways to fill that void because I over indulge
Hello Dr Fox, longtime viewer. Do you have advice for overcoming resistance to treatment, period? I’ve been struggling to manage and accept this diagnosis for a few years and I’ve become more comfortable not talking to anyone. many days I feel this disorder was made up to fit a difficult patient population. The treatment is to say that /we/ are the evil in every relationship and not that the world has chewed us up and spit us out
Anger is not even an emotion? Please, let's re-formulate... Anger is 1 of few core emotions, considered to western psychology & loads of indiginous traditions worldwide. A core emotion, just like fear or sadness, though anger is all about personal safe space, tempo and preferences upto boundaries.... also fewel for making a difference. Yes, anger can also appear as a cover-up emotion, to mask grief for instance, but even than it's still about your unfamiliair autonimous safe space to experience grief & fear, etc. I respect your good intent & context.. Though misinformation about core emotions like anger, won't help to regulate anxiety or fulfill your personal needs (actual void). Even if mixed with fear, sadness, worry or messy troubling thoughts as a result ✌️ Lots of times emotions are a direct result of ignored body sensations & physical symptoms, like all sorts of inflamation. Those also trigger messy thoughts, choises & habits, which directly influence stress levels in body and emotions as well. Body sensations, emotions & thoughts all work together (body/gut, soul/heart, and spirit/mind/head), in trinity. All meant to help you, none to hurt or harm, just to signal. Though if 1 or 2 out of 3 are neglegted consistently, or even abused, no wonder all starts to crumble... upto bpd like patterns, (mis)believing that feeling emotions equals pain & suffering, instead of persoanal intelligence & feedback. Emotions do not equal pain at all. Pain does not even equal suffering either, nor does a numb void, the way you identify & think about it does. Let's get re-acquainted, re-educated & familiair with our own body and emotions. As your own inner feedback & intelligence, which determines your state of mind & being greatly. Not a single experience without feeling (all flat and pointless). Relax and breath with it, maybe even move a little. Just don't act out, nor judge or jump conclusions, be to eager or avoid it all together. This won"t clear itselve by ignoring or bypassing, just like the lack of a good night sleep cannot be overlooked for too long. Only pay attention to thoughts that feel good & actually help. Always nurture & stay aware of your own body and emotions, it's the main key to overall vitality, as well as a calm, clear, steady and compassionate mind ❤
What's the difference between someone having BPD traits and mild BPD? Can one be borderlinish without having full blown symptoms?Also would living abroad on and not having a family nor friends and having experienced abandonment would be a potential trigger for BPD who then may or may not change as their external circumstances change? I also noticed since I'm bilingual I'm more confident in one culture whereas lack that social confidence in the other culture and language
It’s common for people whose parents to have personality disorders to only have some traits. Also on its own some aspects from personality disorders can be seen in everyday people at different levels
There is very interesting conundrum of many people saying there is no actual self. We are more or less collective of different selfs and there is part which tricks us in to believing we are who we are even in reality it depends on external conditions. Could it be that part temporary stops working and it creates internal panic about who is in charge and maning the wheel.
@@aesthetic_artistic_everyth9476 yeah it weird seeing the pain manifest itself as a demon or feeling it in the room over. Is it just me or do you have nightmares/dreams every night.
Dr.Daniel Fix ! I really need to know this...... I have a confusion and a question related to BPD from the first day of diagnosis ( 4th Feb, 2022). I am 32, and I wanna know the causes of BPD . I mean I have searched a lot but I ended up with this conclusion that All that happened and still happening to me is not because I have BPD instead all that happened in my past caused me BPD. So can you please explain this. I need your help. You are my only hope except the Lord !
Is this emptiness something that comes and goes or something constant? For me I definitely have this at times but it can switch to a more manic state very quickly (sometimes within hours)
I experience emptiness as well-I’ve always seen the core of myself like this screaming, static-y hungry void. I’ve learned in therapy that what I’m calling a void is the persistence of trauma-combined with disassociation. I feel unreal and numb, but I’m really just triggered and unable to process the emotions related to trauma. EMDR has been very helpful making me feel more connected to myself and my experience. I majorly doubted EMDR before I finally committed to it-and I’m still not sure how this process works, but it does help. It isn’t fun-but it does help. Thanks for covering this subject Dr. Fox, your videos are always interesting and enlightening to me.
First RU-vidr I found with BPD expertise, and first BPD content creator I enjoy and learn something from. Thank you. Wanted to get back into therapy but very discouraged, insurance, in person preferred (every therapist now wants telehealth. Fuck that.) I know what I need. I bought your book and Marsha Linehan DBT book. I want to be a psychotherapist which is scary, given my recent diagnosis of BPD. Prev diagnosed cptsd & major depressive & gen anxiety, ANYWAY. We need more people like you! So excited to work with your workbook, and Marsha’s DBT book. Not to say fuck a therapist, but Im kinda discouraged. My last and only therapist I’ve had, I expressed concerns for BPD in a VERY vulnerable state, and she said “no, people with bpd don’t make progress in therapy, you’ve made progress!” Part of me was relieved, but part of me was terrified deep down because I still wasn’t sure, I wasn’t okay, but I didn’t have the words or ability to express that. Recently saw a nurse practitioner who actually listened, and I got lucky. He told me people with bpd DO get better. Thank you. You’re very nice.
It’s like the thermostat is set wrong, and it goes off with anger when things are the most normal actually. I wish I would have picked up on this decades ago. This dynamic has had countless costs for me as a partner and family member. Don’t do this to people, manage your BPD!
@@drb3353 this is so true about the thermostat! i realised recently that my whole life i've watched my mother blow up at the smallest things and go from 0 - 100 that it's no wonder i'm predisposed to do the same. i think it's partly genetics and partly upbringing/learned behaviour. I need to remind my self to breathe when i feel myself getting agitated and remember that this isn't who i want to be
3:12 Grew up not knowing..... 5:31 Everyone is capable of having a general uneasiness around others. Unfortunately, its hard to "work with others" and expressing ourselves. Making it uncomfortable for ourselves and others. 10:47 Distortion and blurred boundaries of what and who is inside and outside of my walls and the chances they could hurt me
I used to go from relationship to relationship and it never filled the emptiness. There are times if someone flirts with me I want the validation. Im breaking the cycle though and refuse to cheat on my spouse. Ill always feel empty regardless
I never feel that the anger, or aggressive ‘episodes’ fill the Emptiness. When I get ‘angry’ it’s because I feel that nothing that I do or say will ever make a difference in anything in my life.
Hello 🏥 Doctor Fox 🦊 I have BPD I understand and relate to this Emptiness that you describe and this hole and all of this and my emotions and my reactions to situations and my perception of it. I am always questioning that. I understand the feeling of not knowing who I am ect. I was diagnosed in 2010. I understand the anger and the fear. Xxxx
Emptiness is absolutely the worst part for me. It's gets so bad I don't know what direction to turn to come out of it. How to even help myself or distract myself I guess is the best way to put it. Ive even asked my family about myself so I can try to bring myself up out of that empty void. So this video will help me in so many ways. Thank you for another great video Dr. Fox!!
I'm really glad to hear that this video resonates with you! Emptiness can be tough, but reaching out and seeking help is a strong first step. You're not alone in this journey.
@DrDanielFox Thank you so much for that! It truly did. I appreciate your videos very much. I'm also doing your workbook. :) i have been trying to find help for my BPD for a years now. We moved to a smaller area and it seems noone close specializes in it. Do you have any suggestions on what I can do when I can't find someone? Specifically for BPD help?
When I would blow up an anger, I would always feel terribly guilty and down on myself afterwards, so I’m not sure how getting angry would help fill the hole that BPD creates, the whole of emptiness. I would just think I’m a bad person because I lost control and I got angry. I blew up. I did something wrong.
I don’t think there’s anything that can help me. I’ve tried therapy I’m on medication but I still am struggling. Being a mom makes it hard. I carry a lot, I feel like a bad parent and I wish I wasn’t here. No one I am around understands. I just wish I would not wake up one morning
This has allways been a struggle for me expecully as you say in connection to comorbid bpd/mdd .... cuz i have both .... i don't know if I understand you correctly but your saying that major depressive emptiness isent as strong as bpd emptiness.... I always felt that emptiness was the core issue in depression not the actully sadness as I feel you only become sad in depression once the emptiness is to much to bare and no skills or meds are helping .... this video makes me realize I've become so custom to emptiness in my bpd that I have accepted infatuation and co dependent behavior or being overly attentive to fill my emptiness.... my partner has to remind me to take brakes or not overly anticipate what others need or over do when I should rest ... peole pleasing in a since .... but it makes me feel less empty.... but if I meet peole who don't need some form of assistance I can't form a bond and the emptiness come so hard .... and then I isolate..... this is my biggest issue that is hidden at the moment .... as I'm no longer angry ... but I have found a uptick in suicide ideations ( no plan to attempt just alot on my mind when I'm alone and not catering in some sense) .... my health slowly taking my mobility away has broght this on more .... I never really thought it might be my bpd still ... allways felt I was more in a major depressive episode but being good at making it ....
