Control | The Story Of An Abusive Relationship 

Absolutely And they can be so successful at it that you still have no one after escaping them and it really messes with your head. At least that has been my experience but am still thankful to God I escaped him.

Exactly

They'll meet the friends and family first and charm the hell out of them, then make you look like the psycho so they can play the victim and uphold the hero role. Spotlight can only ever shine on one person in those relationships

So true. That's why it's so important to be aware of the symptoms. Nip it in the bud the moment it starts. Don't worry if he thinks you're a bitch. Just do it. Walk away if you have to. Stay in public places if he's physical. And always... listen to what your inner self is saying to you. If something doesn't seem right, it's probably not. If he's really a good one, he will understand and be there... respecting your space.

Also keep in mind, if you're like me, you'll be a magnet for these kinds of people. I've had 2 husbands (and more boyfriends) like this. I have radar for it now days. I refuse to let it happen again. Be totally honest with yourself about your relationship. Yeah, I've been called a crazy bitch at times... but I have avoided repeating it for a third time. Not all men are like this.

Gutted me.

@@owengordon175 Yea, women do it to... I can take a black eye or gut punch much better than head gamers and bullshit.!!🤔🤔🙀🕸👽🕸👽

That's why when you are getting into a new relationship you should go with them for atleast a full year, cause it is very hard to keep a lie going without tripping yourself or they up. Usually the truth starts to come out. And at the first sign of abuse wether it's physical, mental, emotional get away. Don't invest in a relationship too soon. Leave yourself room to get out. Folks are too much in a hurry and get too invested in the relationship too soon. I know that for a fact. My first marriage I was too excited about starting a family I married a drunk, the second time everybody sad I could do no wrong, he had everything (but fidelity). Then I met Dewayne he was a lying sackasht, he cost me $$$ but atleast I didn't get married to him. That relationship I got invested in the notion that God sent him to me, cause I had been praying for someone to share my love of horses with. By the time the year was up I could start to see through the lies. Now I'm still looking, hoping, and praying that someday I'll meet mister right. Someday but my eyes are open and my mind to the warning signs of abuse.

Right? I about shit myself waiting to see if she'd killed herself. This was so well done

Yeah that moment brought me to tears. You don’t even know you’re in it until you’re in it.

It’s a dare to be small. Be Fucking big

It's hard, because you can see the good in them.

@@hiphopdreame you can’t change them not even with love. They have to acknowledge they have a problem and seek help themselves which is unlikely to ever happen.

I feel like they get us to easy and don’t value or appreciate enough. There are dating apps, girls are offering themselves with pics and social media . Don’t give them sex till marriage, make them work hard for your attention and will see where all the abusers go. I feel the pain of all the girls who have been abused. Please love yourself first.

It is the PHONES!

People can change. I used to be controlling with my girlfriend. I didn't even realise I was so overbearing / controlling until I started Googling it. A lot of it stems from insecurity. Once you address that, the need to be controlling subsides. It's actually a liberating experience for the controller to finally be free of negative emotions such as insecurity and jelousy. Obviously, if your partner is gaslighting you that's a lot more serious. I learnt that in any relationship, there will always be times your partner does things you don't approve of. Sometimes, it's just best not to give an opinion on things if you know your point of view is going to cause distress or stop them doing things they enjoy just to please you. People are entitled to be themselves and shouldn't have to change for you. If he gets pleasure from upsetting you or preventing you from doing things, he's probably a narcissist. If you decide he's a narcissist, tell him to read up on narcissism and give him a month to change or you leave. One chance only, no time extensions. Seriously, make him set an alarm for one month in the future on his phone.

YES

@Gemma Dann Calm down there Gemma lol.

It starts before we realise hun. Not just small. It’s subtle that’s the scary part. And they always say love way to soon

When the devaluation comes in after the lovebombing, it's time to leave, it will get worse ‼️

@@tovenrvik6336 please please can u sit signs of the devaluation part!!

Absolut. This not only applies to romantic relations.

You got out Jean and that's the most important part! Be kind to yourself.

Its good you got out

You where not stupid. And your story absolutely does matter. Verbal and Emotional abuse are just as dangerous and hard to leave as physical abuse.

I feel you bro, i was in the exact same situation so i get you, i really do! So i am SO glad that you got out of it and are doing alright ❤️❤️

Dont let one girl take your smile and her being insecure is her fault Looking at other girls is not cheating!!! Im sorry that you had to go through this hope things got better if you need you can talk to me

M first relationship was emotionally abusive and I had no idea for years since it was my first relationship. I thought it was all normal :(

Took me 39 years to see the light

@@VeggiesbyEos so sorry to hear that, hopefully you have recovered from the abuse you have experienced from him

@@gracewalsh8093 at least now you have realized, how are you now?

@@alishagee3450 it was a very long time ago so thankfully I have!

I agree and same, I also didn't know till my early 30s by actually googling characteristics..

i was 44 when i finally understood

I agree that the schools should have a year long coarse on recognition of the warning signs of an abusive relationship and how to get out or get help before you marry them or become living mates. But also if they would publish the warning signs here in these videos and the hotline numbers too.

I say this all the time this should be taught in schools to prepare us for the world

Took me to age 49 to realise, n I always thought I was intelligent

@Light and Love thank you dear, it was an amazing journey of founding myself and self healing. Hope the best of health and happy for you too

Same here, more or less. My whole family abandoned me but my ex at the time who also was a narcissist and controlling just never violent or physical. He was so mad I had moved on. Add that to I had moved on to a monster. I lost 40 lbs in the 1st year of the relationship due to all the stress. Lost my mom in the 2nd year. I could go on but wont. Just wanted to say I can relate to you. I have been left in one piece physically yes and I thank God for that. But left completely alone and emotionally broken. Hardest thing anyone can go through IMO because you trusted and loved the very person that set out to destroy you

I relate to this comment so much. I had no one, who ever I went to said you're crazy or you're overreacting. It got so worse that I had to accept maybe I'm the crazy one

@@kittycaruso50 im so sorry it happened to you, have faith that you are strong and you can get through this i believe with all my heart. Also believe that it is not your fault, it never was your fault. Love and accept your self even your choices even the bad ones, it is not your fault

@@hareemiftikhar2898 yes they made us think that we were the crazy one, but have faith and believe that you are not. You are not to blame. You can get through this, get quantum healing, i was so desperate back then, that i want to try something that won't cross my mind before, but it really works. I use the free ones www.melanietoniaevans.com/

No one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is important in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching his mobile . I was hurt when i read conversation of my husband always sex chatting with an other lady , i felt so broken, I’m here in California , USA and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable contact him on his mobile phone, text,whats-app +1(661) 485-5860. I hope you find peace just like me after I found out about his doings

The friends took forever to SEE what was in front of them. SO frustrating!

@@AmazinCarpeDiem Manipulative people are very good at not being spotted. They can seem genuine whilst weaving their lies.

You're right, once a trauma bond forms, can you let go?

Yes, that's partly why one might stay - coz we cannot actually fathom that someone could be so relentlessly cruel. Think hard and leave as soon as you can. With time you loose yourself more and more. I was with a full-blown narcissist for two years. Mental and emotional abuse are destructive beyond words! I have been free for two years - that's also how long its taken me to feel like myself again. You deserve so much better, hun. ❤

@@sillysnaps good to hear you are free now from emotional abuse... how was the healing process?

They are Personality Disordered individuals who abuse others to regulate their false narrative and self, they put another below so they can be abowe ‼️Get away when devaluation comes in, it will get worse ‼️

@@sillysnaps I just got out of the same situation and it was two years as well. Is this pain really going to last two years!? I don't think I can make it through, this is my second heartbreak and abusive relationship/breakup. I'm broken and feel so empty and lost. How did you move on? I don't know who I am anymore. 🥺

@@jessi3271 a few things that helped me...1) PATIENCE - being truly patient with yourself. Noticing when that impatience and 'wanting to be there already' come up, and soothing them with true patience. 2) along with patience is KINDNESS towards yourself. Forgiving yourself for having taken this wrong turn, for having not seen or done anything earlier to get out. Truly being compassionate and kind with yourself. Any anger or frustration with yourself, that voice, let it go, now. 3) REMINDING yourself every single day, each time you feel the hopelessness or the pit of it all, tell yourself and KNOW that you WILL come out of this. You will one day wake up and feel yourself again, as long as you keep reminding yourself that it will be there. 4) RECALL the things you used to do, and enjoy...for example, the way you used to dress and feel attractive - and put concerted effort into doing one of those things regularly, even if you don't feel like it. Start doing them, one by one, building up on each other. Seeing friends you lost touch with, making an effort. 5) SHARE your experience with close ones without SHAME - when shame comes up, see it, and let it pass through and out of you. Continue sharing in a safe environment until you no longer feel ashamed. 6) make an extra effort in your self-care, pampering and style routines: find new creams or make-up, a few nicer more classy or better quality clothing, and consciously use these to make yourself feel attractive, like a woman. Self-care, also taking salt or oil baths, relaxing a lot. Relaxation allows trauma to release, gradually. 7) use guided relaxations for sleep at night - you might have disordered sleep or maybe even nightmares. Maybe you wake up at night in a panic. Use guided relaxations to soothe you and to create a calm sleeping habit. 8) spend time in nature - this gives you energy and stability 9) do anything that makes you feel safe and stable, as often as you can. Like a caring mother you need to look after yourself and comfort yourself. 10) start exercising and eating healthy. Exercise will get the energy moving differently in your body and will help release the chronic stress. Do it with this intention in mind. 11) try to drop any addiction you started whilst being in that relationship - I started drinking daily, had NEVER done that before - and smoking...I have an app on my phone to track the months I've been without having alcohol in my home. I now only have a drink as a treat when I visit a friend or am out. I no longer smoke. These are things we picked up to deal with the stress. We no longer need them to pick ourselves up. Shopping can also be one to curb... 12) LASTLY - let go of the control of asking yourself how long it will take, of analysing whether you're there yet etc...allow yourself to settle "back" into place naturally, without controlling the process. "Back" is in quotations because you will settle into yourself but in a much more rooted, authentic and centered way - you will be more your SELF than ever before.

Yep and they LOVE to do it when you're around friends and family. And those people eventually get annoyed with you not being in the moment with them and stop inviting you out. Which is all part of the abuser's plan.

I think the guy I’ve been talking to shows signs he is an abuser, he hasn’t done anything crazy yet but I can just tell. I don’t know what to say to him. I can’t just ignore him because he lives next door, how do i express this?

@@UnraveledwithJoy just make lots of little excuses for every interaction. If you tell him he’s an abuser it will be shocking, and he might try to argue. Still you have your intuition. Trust it. I don’t know all the details but you don’t have to tell him the same explanation every time, just make up excuses. Act completely uninteresting. Grayrock him. He may get the drift.

No one really deserves to be cheated upon and I believe smartness is important in any relationship, my worst experience was discovering my cheating Narcissist husband through the help of an hacker who helped cloned his cell and i got access to all his Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Messenger, Kik, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Twitter, Email and Social media chat, i was able to read both his new and deleted messages without touching his mobile . I was hurt when i read conversation of my husband always sex chatting with an other lady , i felt so broken, I’m here in California , USA and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable contact him on his mobile phone, text,whats-app +1(661) 485-5860. I hope you find peace just like me after I found out about his doings

Totally agree. The physical stuff is much less common but so much more obvious. I want to see more of the controlling behavior so we know what to look out for.

Terrible true

I agree, the physical stuff is way less common, and personally I think that makes it that much more insidious and brainwashing for the victim

I'm in this exact situation trying to leave. Thank you for the comment, it's highlighted alot, sending love and light on your journey✨

Sending you lots of love ❤

@@izabelicious : I know it's easier said than done, but save yourself and leave. You deserve to be happy and treated well. Find the courage, you are worth it. Life is worth it. All the best!

These people are monsters, but playing the victim.

This is spot-on. You'll be like "this is horrible" and want to leave during their outbursts, then you'll sleep on it and the next day will feel normal. Maybe they apologize. They'll probably apologize but then "both sides" the situation and place blame on you too. Things will be good for a few days until the next fight. The cycle continues.

Im sorry you went through that. Crazy how growing up with an alcoholic or drug addicted parent will cause so much damage that you don’t even realize until later. It makes you tough, capable, grown beyond your years but it will also make you easy prey for narcissists and users because they feel familiar on a deep level. I’m so glad you escaped the beast. Keep building your self love daily.

Yess I'm in same situation 🙁😟🥺

This girl is in a very privileged position to have people like that around here, sadly many abuse victims stay because they lack a support system to begin with

I thought he was going to kill her.

@nyidahollas how are you now?

Good for you

Take the step out when devaluation comes in after the lovebombing, that's the first red flag on a Narcissist, it will get worse after that‼️

@antonia marie how are you now?

Moreee love to you.💕💕

What are more red flags

@lynne im sorry to hear that you have gone through the same experience.. how are you now dealing with the healing process?

They want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light ‼️

@@Ohkeh640 The first red flag on a Narcissist is devaluation, when it comes in it's time to leave, things will get worse, some kill their partner ‼️

Good call getting out before marriage. I can't imagine being in an abusive relationship as a man and trying to divorce. She would probably turn it around onto you, go on the offensive and have the state on her side. You'd be lucky to have any friends or money left after that. Society punishes men they perceive as weak extra hard.

Same girl we gotta stay strong though 💪🏻 😪

Same

Lol I almost did too

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . I it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

@@reneekelley4279 If he isn't abusive against you, wt blaming, isolation, devaluation, gaslightning, smear campaigns, triangulation, playing mindgames etc., things that's Narcissistic abuse, and you love him, I think you shall take him back‼️Tell him you have thought about leaving him bcs you feel he's cheating, and that a change needs to come‼️

We need to tell everyone. This happens to men and same sex couples too. It's so toxic.

Look to Narc Survivor, he also help ppl who has suffered from Narcissistic abuse ‼️Dr Judy Rosenberg, Dr Sam Vatkin has good videos about Narcissism ‼️

They do smear campaignes on others, triangulation, plays the victim, blames, blameshift, mind games, gaslight, isolate, play mind games, lovebombing, devaluation, Stalking, sleepdeprivation etc. ‼️They are abusers, who will get worse, devaluation after lovebombing is the first red flag on a Narcissist, it's time to leave when it comes in ‼️

Projection is one of the quickest doors out of a relationship/marriage because being accused of what you're not doing and knowing it has to be coming from somewhere else just says everything about them..

@@katyhawkins1149 Yep. I got accused of wanting to cheat with platonic women friends quite a bit. Which was funny when I caught her texting her ex.

There has always been abusive Narcissists, they get exposed now bcs of RU-vid and other media, it's about time‼️

Narcissists get more exposed now, wt all the videos at RU-vid, Narc Survivor, Dr Judy Rosenberg, Dr Sam Vatkin and Dr Ramani etc. ‼️Narcissists want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light ‼️

Some of them kill their partner ‼️An Psychologist told serial killers and child molesters are Narcissists‼️

Yeah it didn't last long when I was an abusive bf...I wish I would have left the second he went form zero to 1000

@@sarahreinhard2167 That's called Narcissistic rage‼️

Social media accelerated the problem, but it always existed. With the internet, we have growing awareness of it. Also, we have videos to learn how to deal with it and we have validation when we lose our perceptions in an unhealthy psychological environment.