COPIUM 

hearing Dr K talk about this guy who can’t do anything without listening to music/videos/podcasts while i’m sat at work listening to this video because i can’t sit and just do stuff without some kind of stimuli in my brain from external sources

"The best way to ruin your life is to try and craft a life with no negative emotion"

This was my post, and I’m so glad Dr. K. was able to talk about it and bring in a lot of new perspectives I hadn’t thought of! It was also really cool to see a lot of people relating in some kind of way:)

Reminds of the good old dynamic of "let's try to do everything perfectly at once and if I fail one tiny thing everything's completely fucked and I won't even try anymore". We need to pick our battles, and with an honest and realistic perspective. Accept a couple Ls to get a couple Ws is such a good way to see it.

It's been a few years since I've kicked gaming addiction for a more general internet addiction. I wish everyone dealing with that sort of thing luck.

Receiving the notification on my phone and immediately clicking on it probably proves the point of this video...

30:00 (or so) Dr. K: "I need an adult!!" Dan: "You *are* an adult." Dr. K: "Oh. Right." That's such a genuinely helpful story. I'm loving this talk.

Such a good way to put it. Avoidance of negative emotion = loss of control in life. So simple and so apt.

"The moment you let the anticipation of the negative emotion restrict what you put yourself in, that's when you lose control of your life." Dr. K 🔥🔥

I went to Japan at his age when I was depressed. Turns out that shit follows you. Not saying I regret going but would have enjoyed it more if I faced my issues at home.

As a recovering addict myself, he is 100% spot on. This particular video is essential to accept in moving on. This is the stuff!! I've had Dr. K's influence for my entire recovery. The content of this community has been essential in weaving a new life & continuing to grow. There is hope, I'm living proof of what is possible once you trash your entire life!

The method regarding the cravings was actually what kind of helped me during weight loss. I ignored the concept of strict dieting, thought of things as a gradual lifestyle change, and would give in to cravings completely at times. The hard part is being ok with yourself for it.

Holy crap, I've been trying to articulate to people on the subreddit this exact idea about how in order to live a full life, you cannot avoid the shitty emotions, so instead you have to learn how to deal with and process them in hopefully healthy ways. Loved this video, will definitely reference this, as it's very applicable even outside the context of addictions.

I think that I also have a hard time doing anything (cleaning, cooking, showering, making my bed, etc.) without having youtube playing. When I shut it off, I feel a little antsy and alone... probably because I don't want to be with my own thoughts. To be fair, I don't have much of a social support system especially with my back injury. Physically, I feel blocked from doing things the way I used to so then mentally, it's two-fold. I'm trying to push myself ~gently~ to leave my apartment so I'm not living on youtube. Today, I made my plans around picking up my meds. I visited my previous job, picked up some ingredients for baking and my meds. Before leaving, I took a couple small paint bottles with me. As I got home, I noticed a broken piece of wood and decided to paint it in the parking lot. Although my music was on, I was paying more attention to painting. It felt good to do something other than what I usually do. I was worried I'd get hurt because I took my cane instead of my walker, but I'm proud of myself. :)

Dr K, thanks for being the male role model we never had. I've just realized how much of Dr K's mannerisms (on top of the knowledge he preaches here) I've incorporated into my life. For real.

I have definitely realized recently that my phone addiction is the final result of not properly addressing negative emotions. I got addicted during lockdown. And I think it’s because I was forced to face all the negativity and pressure my family has put on me. Before that, mindlessly going to work and school gave me the illusion that things were alright. But now retreating to my phone has kind of taken that position. It’s like the “I’m fine” meme.

Funny thing is - I realized this is true for overeating a while ago. In the past, when I felt the craving for an ice-cream, I'd try to do anything other than eat ice-cream - drink water, eat fruit, eat an actual meal, even drink a soda (which would usually be the last step as it contains not much less sugar than ice-cream). But nothing helped. I ended up eating the ice-cream on top of everything else and then hating myself. What I learned to do instead is give in and have the ice-cream (and ideally buying more smaller packages instead of one large one) if I feel like I need it. And instead of hating myself for it, meditate on why I felt like I needed it - I'm a stress eater, so figuring out what is the thing in the back of my mind that's stressing me out helped much more than hating myself for being "weak" while not listening to my body and my mind. Sometimes, I needed to drown my emotions in ice-cream. Sometimes, I'm just in the mood for something sweet. Either way, no need to be mean to myself over it. Ultimately, I not only lowered my intake of ice-cream, but ended up feeling less stressed and more healthy overall than when I spent so much energy on trying to deny myself the snack.

The idea of "Stop avoiding your negative emotions, start getting familiar with them" hit me really hard for some reason. Embracing negative emotions isn't a new concept for this channel but the way he phrased it made me think of how we all deal with those negative emotions in a new light. It's kind of like they're your neighbors--if they're going to be there, why not introduce yourself and get along? Super powerful stuff.

I have a hard time facing negative emotions also. I avoid seeking work cus I dont wanna feel rejected for not getting hired, or feeling not good enough while I am adjusting to a new work environment and learning the ropes. I dont wanna talk to my folks about it cus they want to see me doing better for myself, and I dont want to feel embarrassed / ashamed because I am not there yet / not taking steps in the ways me and them would like. I really appreciate this video. I dont really know if I fully comprehended that I would need to face some kinds of negative emotions on most of the paths forward I could go, but I think the way you phrased it helped it click for me. Its like in a video game, when you go through the door, there may be a bad guys you gotta beat, but there is also loot in that room, so its kinda worth it to fight the bad guys, even if its hard.

"You can try to spend more energy and lose 6 battles, or you can give up those 5 battle and win 1"

Kinda hard to not be addicted to my phone if literally everyone I know but one person are only available through my phone. Everyone just happens to be on other continents.

Reject copium. Inject hopium.

This was possibly the best video I've seen and the most helpful for my life. Acknowledging whether to indulge yourself or show restraint without giving in is so important because it conditions you to not give in to your desires after a little resistance. Using the analogy of allowing your child to use their device vs giving in after saying no a few times is so important and is applicable to adults as well

I honestly think this is why I continued talking to a talking ex because I realized fighting myself to not reach out was more disruptive than allowing myself to reach out on occasionally when I just wanted to send something small but not when I was was seeking reassurance. It was way better than fighting the habit

each one of these videos heals a part of me

The worst thing is that I understand that I have an unhealthy addiction to my phone and don't want to do anything about it, because there's nothing else going on.

When I was about to take a trip to India and I was worrying about all the bad things that could happen, it made me reconsider whether I should really go. I then started viewing it as an adventure instead of a pleasure trip and that switch made all the potential hardship and stress a lot more acceptable almost desirable because what is an adventure without challenges to overcome.

please I lllovee these pauses between the themes and thoughts 🙏🙏 in the new videos it's quite hard to follow through bc they cut out and it is so fast to process

I can completely relate. I’m so deep into the self help genre that I just have to Keep listening to podcast and videos. Fuck it’s the reason I’m watching this right now. I’m thinking I need to apply it somehow but I just have that urge to click on something new and feel inspired.

I love to listen to videos like this or podcasts to learn while doing stuff like driving, but I also like complete silence. There's been times where I just ignore any incoming messages for a few hours and kinda just take things in. Your common advice of taking a walk is solid. People need nature more

It is still a bit unclear to me how to actually get out of the "anxiety spiral", where you give in, therefore reward the process of giving in, etc... But, based on the video, I suppose the best course of action is something like "aim low, but make sure you really hit it", so that you are fully in control of starting *and* stopping whatever uncomfortable thing you want to do?

This made me realize certain behaviors I've been practicing and hopefully it'll also help me handle it a bit better and steer my life in a different way, rife with negative emotions, but also with more control over the fear and my life overall.

Definitely addicted to my phone. I remember when I had no internet for a couple weeks, and I straight up went through my downloaded library of memes that entire time. Its like 2000. I also did a lot during that time, and have been working towards getting to that level of wanting to do stuff without completely removing my access to the internet.

I used to listen to music constantly whilst going shopping and certain things. What I found helped me is if I know I'm going to be in that scenario for a long time and it's busy I'll listen to music but I'll strategically choose times that aren't as busy and shop quicker with out it, and over time increased the time and business until I no longer needed it.

thank you to the person who posted this, that post is incredibly relatable to me

At 18:30 when he said "why do I have to listen to a stream right now?" "What would happen if I didn't do that?" I paused the video and just sat away for a few minutes, I come back to find that he predicted my every move from thoughts invading my mind to 'well, I should be productive' as I did some laundry right before coming back. Thank you for talking about this today Dr. K

This has been a great one. Really resonating and the sort of lesson that really clicked with me. I struggle with the issue of having poor sleep and needing some sort of distraction until I literally pass out. This video has been a valuable one, thank you yet again for your work!

I have PTSD from a medical misdiagnosis and I feel like I just bury myself to the internet in order to ignore what happened to me.

This has quickly become one of if not my favorite channels and content in general.

Dr K real talk here, cannot put my phone down, to the point where I panic if I cannot watch RU-vid or listen to music on my phone. Things I could do in different ways, but am unable to give up my phone.

I too am a 'self-help junkie' for continuous distraction. Thanks for this one! 💚

This podcast is the worst promotion for his channel but i appreciate and needed it so much. ty

Speaking of obsessions with micro-celebrities, like streamers and what not, could you make a video on parasocial relations? I would love to hear your insights on that.

Thanks for this Dr. K this hits home majorly for me right now. I feel like I have some really good approaches to try out. Sitting with the feelings is hard but avoiding them gradually makes my world smaller and smaller.

I'll say the last few videos you have uploaded lately dr k have hit a little close to where I'm at in life and want to improve on. Your videos have helped me figure out a lot of what I want and need to do for self Improvement. All I can say is thank you for the great help and advice.

His story about his first day as a doctor is such a trip

I feel personally stalked by dr K. The last 10-20 posts have been on point with my situation. An hour ago I literally wrote in my journal that I need to start controlling my doomscrolling before bed, that I'll continue my gaming hiatus, and that I can indulge on the porn as a compensation until I'm ready for another change. And this repeated over the course of the last weeks when I saw an issue In my life and Dr K comes with a lesson that just hits the current issue I'm facing for a homerun. tldr: I feel followed

Anticipation of negative emotions restricting what I put myself in. This right here is what I've been finally trying to figure out. Feels like pressure just released in the back of my mind.

thank you so much dr. k. you’re helping me change my life around. inspired

"this is not staying strong my friend, this is breeding weakness" that's not a mean thing to say Dr K, that's the truth. I wish I had realized this years ago, but it took me all this time to come to this realization by myself. I'm strong all by myself, it's those avoidance tactics that were literally eroding my strength and ability to face the world until I suddenly noticed years later and couldn't believe what I've become. Sometimes it's better for the harsh truth to come to light, than to waste our limited lives setting in the dark being too afraid of the monsters under the bed. Funny enough now that I have faced this, I'm happier now than I've been, and feel much stronger mentally and emotionally, than I was back when I was stronger a long time ago, so in a way I'm glad this happened, it was a valuable lesson for me to learn.

dude this explains all the negative habits I've babied with food. I feel like i have an upper hand to being free & in control now.

Wow. I seriously feel like I could have written that whole post myself. It's rare for me to hear about someone who struggles with these exact things, though I'm sure many do

So many of Dr K's videos really... I can't find the right phrase... blow my mind? He puts in words what I feel and maybe even figured out on some level, but could never explain. And so when he does it, it all makes sense.

This was the most relevant episode yet. Thank you

21:40 "Do you out source pooping too ??" 😆 Isn't that why they call it the 'outhouse' . Loved this video btw! There a lot of helpful information jampacked, some of which I've been thinking about already and some that I've seem to have forgotten about how to steer my behaviour in order to make progress with addiction.

I started a new career a few years ago, nothing similar to what I'd ever done before. Holy shit. It was like the opening to The Temple of Doom, starting where they realize there's no gas in the plane. Right now I feel like I'm drifting toward the village, but those Cat 5 rapids... And I would've quit, but every time I got to the job and actually started working I LOVED IT. I'd never loved a job before. It's helped me overcome so many issues I've had, just because I won't let anything stand between me and this job. It took me years of trying different things and different therapies, too. Never give up, and never tell yourself it's "too late".

In October I'll be a year clean from coke. I don't have intense cravings anymore, I've gotten to the point of, noticing the feelings of wanting to do coke, and sitting in those feelings, and noticing what got me to feel the urge to do coke. I work through it. And decide that it's not what I NEED to get through those emotions. I'm a little over a month off of weed, and I experience the same feelings. I used to think I would never be able to quit. But slowly over time I was able to get away from the intense cravings and sit with the emotions that brought me to smoke. I'm feeling way better in terms of emotions, feelings,anger, and getting to know myself outside of weed, and drugs. Thanks for reaffirming that what I've been doing is the healthy and right solution.

@37:00 I see what you're saying, but I disagree that something is intrinsically beneficial just because we evolved with it. Such as the appendix, poor eye sight, etc.

31:52 yep that's me 100% 🙃 45:30 is also what happened whenever I tried therapy, but it actually frustrated me because I WANT to do deeper work but it seems like the therapists never want to do anything but sit there and chat about my day

Thanks for the video!

I can't believe it. There are so many things you mentioned that I have noticed years ago, but chose not to act on the knowledge. This video is a much needed wake up call.

The minor stuff when you're doing badly becomes the major stuff when you're doing well.

I LOVE YOU DR K and everyone who keeps coming here cause life is a fucking struggle ❤

I WAS JUST LOOKING THIS UP YESTERDAY! I remembered that copium meme and was generally thinking of how I am coping with life so I can help my friends and close ones 😂

listening to dr K makes me feel calm, very cool

Im not addicted to the devises im addicted to the world thay open up for me.

it hit me right inside, thanks

Thank you Dr. K!

Your voice is so relaxing my headphones automatically turned off in 30 minutes thinking nothing was playing

Dr k you called me out this entire video, thank you so much i didnt realize ive been trying to escape any negative emotion

21:15 "*KNOWLEDGE*"

The cravings bit sounds super useful to me

Sometimes it's appropriate to avoid things because there will be/could be a bad outcome. Keep yourself safe.

0:00 my boss after firing half of our staff

Why do I relate to every video you put out 🤨

like Suzuki-roshi says in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind -- the best way to control your sheep is to give them a large field, and watch them. Ignoring them is the worst policy, the next worst is to try to control them (the losing battle you mention that just means they get stronger.) Just observe. And I think this is meant for desires(addictions, cravings) too. If you can observe your craving, you are not identified with it. Even when you decide it's time to "give them a large field" and indulge it, you can't BE what you can indulge.

I love Dans teaching method. I could see it being terrifying in that situation but great method

23:12 Hahaha this is my playstyle as a support. I feel called out XD

Dr. K should also made a video on how comes up with a new video on my ongoing problems. I daydreamed whole day and Dr. K made a video on it. I found myself not implementing content. He made on that. I'm cheating on my work and actually instead of studying the topics I'm watching podcast and dangerous articles on it. I was like well.. Let's check out Dr. K and what to say now. The thumbnail had me shook

This is a really great video and it definitely opened me up on how I usually deal with my relationship with technology. However, Is it okay to ask what does "Stop avoiding negative emotions" mean? Does it mean I shouldn’t try and avoid constantly experiencing things that give me negative emotions? Like if i’m stuck in a crappy job that makes me stressed constantly, should I not quit because that would be "Avoiding the negative emotions"?

I legit was searching about this topic and then they upload this... wild!

Feeling reeeeeally called out by this one 😵‍💫

Thanks for making videos

Thank you for uploading this video, Dr. K. I've been taking a lot of notes and having many new perspectives of what I am doing with my life. I would like to leave a highlight that did the "clic" for me 35:02 > okay I'm using this technology to suppress my numbness it may be actually deeper than that right now I'm not as successful as i want to be and every time i listen to a podcast there's a part of my mind that believes that I'm moving in the right direction and **it's really important for me at this point in my life to feel like I'm moving in the right direction still** - What am I actually going to do to fix that need?

25:50 You are literally talking to me here. I want to go to Japan at least once in my life, but I am overcome with anxiety at the thought of travelling. I spent my entire teenage years letting my social anxitey control me, and not ever going to parties, or making close connections with anyone, no having relationships because it was too uncomfortable for me. Even now, I struggle facing up to things that probably wouldn't even phase most people.

I generally use technology to get thoughts to process, and then I live almost every waking minute thinking deeply about the Bible and how it relates to what I see and what I'm currently working on; to the point I often stop what I'm doing for significant amounts of minutes a time because I sink into my mind deeper than the Mariana's Trench. This causes me to take ages to read books because even a single page (at least in good books) can make me spiral into at least 20 minutes of introspection. Does this count as "coping"? I'm not trying to suppress any thought or emotion (other than boredom, maybe?), but this does make me live most of my life "in my own world"...

For a podcast or audiobook to be a productive use of your time, you have to actively engage with the content. Ideally, you pause on occasion to reformulate (i.e., practice recall), then you maybe tie it to other ideas you already know and then you can hit play again to move on to the next section. This is actually demanding and you can't do hours on end of it properly, especially not after being awake for 16 hours. 😂

Dr Anna Lembke talks about dopamine and the effects our phones have on us. I think the 30 fast is a good way to start Edit: Spelling

It's amazing how long Dr K can keep talking.

I find it hard to believe that negative emotion is temporary when I remember my childhood as a long period of constant fear.

20:05 that's me right now while listening dr. k

I get what Dr Dan was doing, but just imagine being the dude with a seizure being turned into a teachable moment lmao

Lol I love how he was so serious on like supports buying support items and team comp LMAO I so felt that in general with people in games not playing for team

You see, i am not really opposite to live through negative emotions, but i do get obsessed with them. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts, and i get just more and more mentally upset until i'm totally exhausted. I think about other people a lot, it irritates me, but i don't know how to make it stop. I have OCD, but these days it's been really just automatic like it is a habit of sorts. I am waiting for my CBT, but rn i feel quite not at peace without some sorts of copium. When i'm in village helping my dear grandmother and visiting auntie's children i feel good, i feel like i'm doing good stuff and i get distracted from my head. But when i'm in the city i feel like total crap almost immidieatly. I live here alone and my mother visits me for dinner and shit-talking about her work. I love her, but only bc she is my mother. As a person she annoys me a lot. So yeah. I just think a lot about things which happened like years ago. It irritates me so fucking much. I almost don't think about myself, i'm just thinking again and again about crap happened years ago when i was a teenager. It is so exhausting, i wish i could just stop rethinking it again and again. It won't give some new info, i just stuck with my analysis. I feel guilty, i feel shame, i feel regret, i feel angry, i feel a lot of negative emotions, but it doesn't matter how much time passes. I am stuck. I had only one time when i stopped thinking about one person. It happened bc they fcked up and i got really really angry at them. Then i let go of them. I hope my psychotherapy will make things more clear. I am so tired.

13:43 oh my god thank you, my psych teacher didn't explain what I should do then only said don't encourage tantrums.

45:32 therapy for offloading emotional distress without doing the actual work (I relate therapy to journaling)

Glad i cant relate to some of these vids, shows that im not completely lost

I don’t know who needs to hear this but find Gary Weber on RU-vid, he talks about destroying the ego which was the source of all his thoughts. He managed to unplug it with meditation, yoga. A helpful technique was ramana maharshi’s self inquiry technique that Weber talks about. Dr k doesn’t talk about this in his guide but the guide inadvertently led me down this road.

Dr. K, can you explain the addiction on arguing with strangers on internet comment sections?

I'm scared of having a significant other Because I'm scared of things like Making a fool of myself when I share my opinions and theories and stuff And I'm scared of disappointing my partner, my teammate by not properly internalizing their criticism and suggestions that they give from the kindness of their heart And I'm scared of having someone who'll never give up on me. Because that's just so much responsibility, like, having a social contract with someone that you'll strive to be your best self because they care about you and you care about them And I occasionally have thoughts like "Maybe someone could convince me to do this thing I need to do, or maybe one of my friends can help me with a project I'm working on" Hell, I have had friends help me with projects when honestly I shoulda just did them by self. Why? It's a vehicle to shift responsibility. Why did the card game I'm working on fail? Because we gave up, not because I gave up.