Porn Addiction Pt. 2: How to Deal with Relapse and Relationships 

I rarely ever see a group of guys get this personal with each other whether it be about anything And I think that's a problem we have as a society

I've been going strong for 6 days and have had dreams of relapsing. I guess that's just a sign of how deep I was in it.

Damn, Porn addiction is just as strong as drugs. Not as deadly or impactful, but just as strong...I am grateful for these open discussions Dr. K! THANK YOU!

I LOVE GHOST AND EVERYONE ON THIS CALL So much encouragement to yall

I think the "I'm a tornado of destruction , and I must protect people from myself" comes from feeling a deep sense of hurt and a deep fear of being hurt by others. The dark thoughts are a concoction of the ego to protect itself. It's a romantic idea that validates your isolation while maintaining your self-conception of superiority, with your ego trying to keep itself alive and justify your suffering. Accepting that you are not so special, that you need human contact, and that you're not alone in this world is extremely hard, as the part of you that kept you alive during the traumatic or hard parts of your upbringing will fight tooth and nail not to die. Learning to treat yourself with compassion, you can quiet this part of you by reassuring it that you don't aim to kill it, rather you aim to soothe it, it being the hurt child inside. Be both your parent and your child. A great film to watch which encapsulated this idea for me is "Andrei Rublev" by Tarkovsky.

Left a negative comment when I first watched this, I apologise and retract it, I took a narrow interpretation, appreciate the open conversations on porn addiction, this is an addiction that's stigmatised and not talked about enough, thank you!

I've never met or talked to these guys but I feel like I love them and am proud of them for trying to change and better themselves. We're in the same boat, brothers

0:00:00 Introductions 7:30 - group dharma, goals 9:30 - superhero 13:10 - richard dad sets super high expectations on him 14:45 - beating yourself up, on the need to be great, the problems you face is so large the only way to solve it is to become superhuman. how to handle yourself when you fail 19:30 - stumble, not failing. the real goal is to stay on the track, not not failing 22:00 - porn is a sympton of avoidance responsibility ego pain emotional pain 27:30 - why do you feel more bad if other person tries to help you ? 34:00 - Doing this yourself, playing life as a singleplayer game 36:30 - superhigh expectations 39:25 - the way you treat yourself is diffferent from the way you treat other people 42:12 - the more behind you are, the more you have to 'catch up' 45:00 - since im so good at this, i can do it later 48:00 - complete failure vs super genius 49:20 - the problem of escalating impossibility 52:00 - the more worse you feel about yourself, the more you begin to fantasize what youre capable of, thats your mind ways of actually protecting you from the shame. the goal that you set is for an audience, you have to show them. ( wanting recognition from others, which reinforces both the complete failure of persons and the compelte messaiyah ) 55:15 - he wants to be an example for others - egotistical statement, part of you wants to help others is alturistic , part of another complex that hijacks it - not helping others, but becoming superman. all of us are flawed, none of us are superman. we should let go of the idea that we are failure, but not the superman. the superman ideal comes from the idea that we are a fuckup. To be free from this complex, dont try to be ordinary, and understand that fuckups are ordinary parts of our lives. The goal of meditation is to bring your mind back to a point you want it too, not have a still mind. Exceling in spite of flaws, not being flawless. Strategy for life from Dr K, he will choose damage control rater than perfection. Accept that you are going to fuck up and learn how to fix it. The basic idea is that Dr K knows that he is going to suck in life, and that thats okay, and that he can learn grow and improve. 1:00:00 Perception of success - people dont get sober overnight, even though it is all alot of people see it. 1:01:10 - Sobriety is something you practice. Sometimes you are going to be good at it, sometimes you are going to be bad at it, and something bad is going to happen and your capacity to willpower is going to tank. ( applying to Richard - how his dad judges him and how it can be related to fapping ) 1:04:10 - you can only be the thing that you are right now. The reality is not a bunch of possibilities, its just what it is. Where are you right now ? you can be anywhere except where you are right now, when you are, and who you are in this moment. The present is the only place you have agency. 1:06:00 - Tony keeps forgeting about the mindset. when you are able to be where you are now, you enter into a non judgemental state, ou are free from alot of things that you turn to porn to protect you from. feelings of shame, jsut wanting to relieve what is going on in your head, sometimes the process is so burdensome and suckt. Dr K example - he hates PE and doesnt understand it, he wants the feeling to stop. When he gets videogames the things that is going in his head stops. You can be comfortable with the person you are today, you dont need anything to make you feel better. If you can stop beating yourself up, then it becomes easier to be the person that you are. if you can be tranquil in the moment the need for porn goes down ( minus some habits and neurons ). being comfrtable in where you are, just bcuz you made mistaeks in life - not going to oxford, not 1:09:10 - you are not in a stream holding unto a log, you are just in a ktity pool and you just got to put your feet down and get out of the water. but its not what it feels like. The superhuman is born out of shame ( oscillation between failure and superman ). There is no dark without the light. Non-dualism - duality is fundamentally false, all that is is what is. youre not good / bad, youre just you. In this moment, either you have the capacity or dont. you have to be careful if you have an addictive brain your brain is going to say you dont have the capacity to resist the urge. Then you notice that. however you mustr recognize " is it the addictive brain talking ? " or do I really have the capacity to resist the urge. Whether you have the capacity is dependant on you, capacity is dependant on the future, it is not about the now. The future is a potential state which is false. 1:12:30 - How did richard go 10 days without fappin ? he filled his day with doing stuff, by the end of the day he was just exhausted he went to bed. Dr K :" theres no capacity or potential, thats just doing, " filling his day with stuff, engaging in the present from time to time again. How okay is it to relapse ? depends on how relapse looks like. how does relapse looks liek for these guys ? fap happens, then there is a period of shamefulness 1:21:50 - the guy's dosha 1:23:35 Relationships

I think its really good that you do follow-ups like these, also I really like this format with multiple viewers on as well

I'm resonating with ghost on many aspects. I've had many "potential relationships" (Not just women, but potential to be close friends too) not even start, because I'd put this invisible wall between me and the other person, since I didn't want to share the details of my personal life and open up to them (Mostly due to shame). And like Ghost said, i've heard many times from women that i'm quite "Mysterious" and they could actually feel that i'm hiding something. It also links up to that feeling of being a "Tornado" that destroys whatever it touches - I didn't want others to get involved in my problems, partly because I thought i'd get rejected for being weird or problematic, and also because I didn't want them to "get caught" in the tornado and be hurt somehow, not hurt in a physical or mental way (I'm not an angry person) but just by witnessing and being part of my problems (Like video game & porn addiction and not having a general direction in life). And what I most resonated with, is that deep feeling that I need to be perfect before entering a relationship, because I was afraid of rejection. What Dr.K said is completely true - You don't need to be perfect, you just need to be perfect to each other. If she accepts who you are and is willing to stick around and help you grow yourself (Hopefuly help each other grow), than it's completely fine. But that risk and chance of her not accepting who I am and wanting to help me grow is what keeps me away from relationships.

Richard's problem is that he wants to be the hero more than he wants to get better.

This the best porn addiction therapy Ive ever received. This addiction has literally made me suicidal at times. Its nice know that Im not the only one going through it.

Switching between feeling like a genius and being worthless is something I experience too. I wonder why that happens.

I think a part of the problem for me with porn is that I've had so little interaction with women, even less so in terms of flirting and etc. I'm soon 22 and never kissed a girl, let alone been in a relationship. Often I found myself using porn to satisfy this desire of having a companion. A desire that for many years has caused physical pain and mental destress. Porn has been my companion, and that's partly why I think my addiction has been so strong.

2 hours of amazing content? Hell yeah

I never thought I would relate so much to this. I've had this arrogance/inferiority dichotomy going on for years. I never knew anyone else felt that way too. I never thought I'd relate to anybody so much in my life. This is a great find, thanks so much for this! Hopefully a beginning to my healing path/ redemption arc!

11 days in. Still struggling, but meditation and distracting myself with going outside for a walk or coffee shop has helped a lot. Exercise is massively important.

These two videos have been remarkably helpful in having a healthy perspective and not feeling alone in this. Day 4 of the dopamine detox and starting to feel like I have control over how I respond and not living so reflexive.

Posted 19 seconds ago?? Edit: finally finished listening to everything and wow, the way Dr. K helps these guys realize that some of what they think about themselves are misconceptions is really eyeopening about other kinds of addictions as well. I really appreciate what Dr. K and HG.GG are doing right now and I hope they keep this up. Not just for the people in the content, but for others who can relate and find help in watching these conversations.

Plot twist: Ghost is actually a coach in training by Dr. K. I feel like he has done a lot of research, self reflection and work on himself already and he seems to have a really good idea of how others in the group feel - what a legend! Everyone in this group has balls of steel discussing their addiction and wish you guys best of luck learning to tame the beast and learn how to live a better life with more control over what feels like is controlling you right now. I'm not the one to give advise here but I want to point out that in your first talk it was never about "living without porn" or "beating addiction" but more about "learning to live with it". I gave up smoking for the second time in 13 years five weeks ago and know what it is like to fight addiction, stop an addiction and relapsing and so many things you guys say do relate to other addictions (like smoking for me) so I'm grateful for you guys discussing this. Also, I see other parallels that are not even about addiction but characterics of people that I can relate to in what you discuss so thanks for sharing and discussing this so openly. I am very happy as this is also a very good talk on mental health issues in men which often goes unnoticed.

Thanks for posting this, Ghost really hit some dark thoughts that i have had, i cried because he was saying what i feel, can't bring to share with others. found the strength to start change, gonna face it one day at a time, thank you

Dr. K I am LOVING the near daily uploads, I pretty much have notifications on and end up listening to every single one like a podcast.

I really enjoyed this stream. I came to learn about porn addiction and wound up finding that lot of deep problems are the cause of it, it feels really nice seeing these nice people be vulnerable and brave, good stream!

I fucking love you for taking up this topic again Dr.K ! This particular topic resonates on a personal level with me. Though I haven't listened to it yet,I had to express my gushing happiness.

I literally feel like I could have joined these guys and been there with them, with my mic, my webcam and my questions/insights, and I wouldn't have learned anything more than I did through this video anyway, as a mere viewer. Everything resonated, is what I'm trying to say. Thank you.

Tony is good at articulating what the group is feeling/insights that have been revealed. It certainly is a talent of is and I hope he tries to tap into it into the future.

I resonated with Ghost a ton during the part where he doesn't feel like anyone knows the "true me." Like if I were in the call when Dr. K asked whether everyone felt like they knew Ghost or not, I would have said I didn't and that there is no way for anyone to know the real me in just a few hours over discord. Mostly because I'd only have been presenting myself in one way during the entire time or felt like I had to be a certain way to fit in. It's not coincidence that this was the first time suicide was mentioned during the stream. Part of the reason is because this suicidal self feels like part of the "true me" I've got to hide. I've demonized my own sexual thoughts (among other thoughts) so much that I feel like "They'd hate me as much as I hate myself if only they knew how terrible of a person I was." I'd wager that Ghost talking about suicide was partly him revealing what he considers to be his true self. And honestly if he is anything like me, there are even more issues under that which he is afraid to go into (and possibly feels like he is not allowed/suppose to go) in such a positive place as the livestream and this community is.

For some reason I can really relate to Ghost. I also notice that almost everyone nods and agrees whenever he says something. I'd love to have him on solo for a more in depth, personal "session" if you're both up for it...

Ghost seems like a super cool dude. I get the feeling he is capable of doing really extraordinary things.

Keep doing more of these! Fine young men, I wish them the best!

Hey man, I just made this account to comment here (I usually dont comment anywhere), that these two videos that you put out on porn addiction has been super super helpful for me. Listening to all you guys talk about your struggles is beyond inspiring. I connect to it on a really deep level. I would love to donate to you man, please can you continue with this series? These videos will be remmebered by everyone who ever wants to take on the journey of quitting porn. And there will be a lot of us in the near future too. Just wanted to say thanks once again for doing this, its been super helpful and please continue if you can. Maybe make it a 7, or 10 part series ? Thanks.

Really liking these group sessions, makes it really wholesome

it's perfect when u guys has gathered together from this big world and it's perfect i watched this youtube . thank you

Thank you for this video. I relate to all of the guys. This was such a wholesome and honest stream.

for the first time in my life, I actually feel like being understood merely watching this video

no ads and ive been watching for an hour. Dr k i love you

I’ve only just come across your Chanel and these videos. I have to extend my gratitude to all of you for your bravery and Dr. K for your guidance and time dedicated to this topic. Before seeing these streams I felt so alone. Perverted even, and unable to access understanding and help. This has made me feel a part of a condition that is widespread and has help me to feel there is hope. I have been struggling with this since I was very young and still to this day. It has affected my relationships and my behaviour and I want rid of it like everyone else but it is so so so difficult. I would love to see more updates on this. Dr. K. Please don’t give up on this topic. You have seen how this affliction affects people’s lives. It must be given way more airtime and we have to address the stigma. Thank you so very much to you brave, brave men. I am so grateful to you all. ❤

I would love to get into one of these streams. Everyone here is amazing to listen to and being able to dive into these topics help so much

tnx so much for this! these 2 videos have helped tremendously, and the first one kinda saved my life thank u

WOW the stuff ghost said starting around 1:31:00 are just me 10/10. I thought im alone with that, crazy

Really resonated with Tony in this video.

The best video series about porn addiction. I can feel everything these guys say as an addict myself.

It sounds like you're still under the weather, doc. :( We love your amazing help but please take care of yourself and get better soon

I would like to thank Dr. K and his guests for their work. I didn't know anything about Dr. K last month, but since I discovered him totally by coincidence, I've watched a lot of his videos so far and it helped me so much to understand myself better. I can relate to many of the topics he talks about, like ADHD, addiction, depression and relationship issues. I'm currently seeing a therapist, but seeing many people talking about taboo subjects in a healthy, scientific and shameless way on Dr. K's videos and listening to what he has to say about them is mind-blowing for me. This video brought me to tears. I'm 44, but when I was in my twenties, I went to Nepal to become a Buddhist monk, but I came back to pursue my dream of becoming a comic book artist instead. I had a video game addiction when I was a teenager, but I quit playing to get a black belt in karate and do MMA. I also have a tendency to have a porn addiction as I have a hard time to meet women (too many of them want to be friends with me, though, as I have a tendency to be their confidant, which I'm getting really tired of). I have ADHD and stuttering, which caused me a lot of problems, but at the same time I've been a slam poetry champion. That's about it.

Thank you for this! Never take it down :)

Lmao at Ghost changing the lighting

I am glad the conversation turned out as it did. The video I most resonated with yet. Thanks boiz

Yeah I don't know what more I can say that I didn't say on the last video. I've since fapped at least once since the last video. There's a greater awareness to the whole thing now and beating myself up less about it. The journey continues. I relate to a lot of what gets talked about in these videos and use them to ask myself alot of questions. These help a lot and I hope this series continues every couple of months.

This was amazing, thank you :)

Thank you so much Dr. K!! Pls I would love if you’d continue making videos related to porn addiction.

Awesome video mi pana. Love it. Cheers from Venezuela

These two streams are making me feel a whole lot better than before, mostly because I feel not alone. But also because i feel understood. I am thinking of these as group therapy in my head and it just seems so intimate to bond with random strangers on a stream who doesn't even know me over real people in my life. What I mean is, i am slowly getting a positive view of group therapy (if that's what this looks like). Being able to witness something like that in a platform like this is also a huge greatness, so thanks Dr. K and the people in the stream. Maybe this is one of few times where I feel understood and not like a creep because of my problems, so i might give group theraphy or theraphy as a whole a shot in the future. I hope whoever reading this also knows that they are not alone in this. We will be better!!!!!

Keep covering this topic guys🏆🏆🏆

Woa, really liked that stream, still watching but the contcept of "Advaita" is very refreshing to hear in contrast to all my negative self talk o.O

Love the new Mic! You have a nice voice!

Stay strong Lirik

Thanks gents for the aoe. "Dark stuff" made this much more authentic. Main quest> side quest. Dr k raid leading like n og. 50 dkp + for all!

Nice one this one.

Bro you are a saint, thank you.

Landing on this video was like finding an Alaskan gold mine, everything that has been said in this video was worth more than any type of drug or type of medication could ever do to me. I could relate to all of the people on the stream, I guess the biggest problem with all of these things is setting to high standards for yourself. To summarize it one word it's straight up "perfectionism". The problem of porn addiction is the constant rumination of not fulfilling this certain image you have about yourself, whether it's with your experience in dating or career wise, it could be anything. The biggest problem is that you are fixated on a certain idea, and when things don't go that certain way you directly label them as "wrong". It's also an ego problem because your ego cannot digest this idea of being wrong, being imperfect, to be human. It's a paradox because you will think that giving in to this idea that you're imperfect and maybe not at the place you should be will make you vulnerable and weak. But it's actually quite the opposite, it will relieve you in all various ways, you will start to accept yourself better, and you will also be able to live with yourself better, you won't be burdened with your flaws all that much, you can finally start to live your life without overthinking everything. Accept yourself for who you are and let go of all negative, ego rooted judgement. Once you do, everything starts to make sense again, and you will realize you never needed to be perfect to begin with. You just had to learn to accept & love yourself :)

Thank you Doctor K for these ideas you’ve helped more of understanding my 8 year porn addiction ❤

Not to overplay it, but I think these two videos will have helped me change my life considerably.

1:35:25 "Ghost is cool as fuck, hes stoic, he is in the shadows right now" lmao I thought I was the only one who thought that

Thanks for posting this, i just relapsed and im trying to get back on track. It sucks because i always go for long streaks but somehow always come up short smh

You know why they call it having balls??? Because it is taking a risk to be vulnerable even while knowing you can get hurt!!! You fellas are gentlemen and scholars with huge balls!!!

When Dr.K says he doesnt see him self as unique or doing something no one els could. I say you are the only one here doing this. You are the one we hear, no one els. You are special. One of a kind (unique). You can view it how ever you want. But you are the definition of amazing

I think that I'm taking for everyone when I say we need more of this

Hey doc, I watch your video's for a couple of months... Want to tell how I love the way you teaching. Simple and easy to follow. And best part you able to get to their level mindset, with a hint of humor and throwing the F words a big plus. This makes you a optimistic person they can relate/compare themselves to. Especially compared to this stereotype angry ''i always know better'' teachers. You still doing those live group video call sessions? Never been on discord but if possible to join a session i'll be sure discord is all set up!! So please feel free to hit me up when you need or have a possibility to enter a livestream :) So again... Love the helpful inspiration you share just being yourself man. Giving people - some in dark places - hope, optimism and purpose. Hope to meet you once and talk about addictions more in general. Greetings from the Netherlands ❤

Honestly I'm so sick and tired of the "how do you feel" questions. Especially when the answer is obvious. Appreciate the stream though you guys are doing God's work.

Now.. I'm a girl. But I think it's so beautiful to see 6 smart courageous guys talk in such depth like this... It moves me. 🙌🙌

About 33 days in. Wish i could join in on these conversations. There's a lot id like to say and it would help me to speak about it to others. I feel like i could help and be helped

Hehe tony dont touch his peepee

37:09 "It's so simple, just don't touch your pp!" everyone died laughing XD

i love these videos, love ghost!

holy shit this meditation will save lives and provide smiles to the depressed

This is great video

I started tearing up when ghost talked about feeling like a ticking time bomb and pushing people away

I have been there with the gaslighting relationship that screwed my life and getting misdiagnosed and having to fight and get lawyers involved to fight it, was actually super horrible because she also reported me for abuse towards her and her children.

These people are amazing happy i found this im a addict to this shit or well have been since the very early days of corona and well its getting WORSE AND WORSE

The whole relapse discussion and viewing that as part of the journey was very uplifting for me to hear! I have been trying to build up my strength and endurance for several years now, and I will get into a consistent work out routine, and then something will happen and I will relapse (relapse here is becoming lazy and skipping out on my work out), and then it's way harder to get back into it every time. And this last time, I kind of gave up completely because it just KEEPS happening. But hearing this makes me think I can get back into it and this time I can accept that I will relapse at some point and that's ok. And I just need to be able to pick it back up again afterwards. And maybe I should focus more on how long I can keep it up for instead of being perfectly consistent.

Would love a roadtrip movie with the five guys travelling through the US or Europe and facing their challenges.

I really like Tony omg he's so honest and funny lolol.

I had no clue daily masturbation had this strong an effect on your mind, but when you formulate it in terms of the dopamine desensitization I can totally see the problem - Been going strong for 5 days and while the blue balls are definetely real, I'm pumped to see the changes haha

Damn dog! Ghost is a really cool and wise dude.

Fantastic guys

Man I fuckin love you guys 💜

I have been relapsing with my porn addiction for years and years now. Very sad situation I am in. I want to get over this addiction. This addiction had caused me so many losses in my life. This is causing lot of depression, anxiety and health issues with this addiction repeating itself month after month and year after year since 1990.

This is awesome

Whoever had discord notification sound enabled made me check my discord like 10 times

I had made some progress but I have fallen harder than I ever have I believe in my history of trying to quit porn and limit my phone addiction. These videos have helped me gain insight but I am afraid to look at this internally more than a service level glance at this problem

Can we get an ayurveda part 2 ?

I hope Dr. K, talks them individually also. As it seems they all have problems.

Wow... the superhuman thing explained blew my mind

This comment doesn't have a whole lot -maybe nominally, yes- to do with this video.. but I can't stop myself from typing it, so here it is. I hope I ask you questions you have not read or answered a million times already: What is the "win-state" of meditation? ( As an analogy from video games, where there are clearly and distinctively defined "fail-states" and "win-states".. ) Is it useful to think of meditation in such terms? If not, what is? Am I in the wrong mindset for even trying to know in which terms I should think of when meditating? I don't know if I am doing anything wrong OR right when I meditate. As a result, I feel a sense of confusion whenever I attempt it. This is what I seek to resolve. Hopefully this comment is not unreasonably long, and helps others who read it.

I relate almost 100% to everyrhing ghost says in this episode and previous episode, almost like hes speaking for me. If u see this ghost plz reach out to me id appreciate you educating me on what youve learned

This guy is the Jesus of the gaming community.

Man I really wanna join these sort of talks

This new Dream Daddy lineup looks great

Beautiful people on here and in the comments. Let's get it guys

made my life 1% better