CPTSD Wounds Can Make You Worry Constantly, Even When Things Are Fine 

Dear Anna I am so greatful that I found you. Your coments helped me to realise that there is a explanation and a name for my suffering. I know now that I have CPTSD. I am from Switzerland. Unfortunately there are no groups or communities here or at least I couldn'd find any. I am so amazed that you are so open about your own story. It gives me the courage that healing is also possible for me. I never met a therapist who openend up about his own feelings or experience. Thank you so much❤. Franziska

When your mom hated you it’s very hard to feel good about yourself no matter how you intellectually understand you are worthy and loveable I feel bad and worry. That’s all I know.

I feel like this tendency to worry has sabotaged so many of my life's potential relationships, even with people who were otherwise available and into me when I met them.

Good God, Marta! The fact that you're still with us is a testament to your incredible strength. Please keep trying.

In especially first country America, with family made trauma and abuse is very stigmatized as with toxic relationships. It is always assumed from intimate couples only never family. "They are always your family and will care and love you." That ain't true for toxic to dysfunctional households even if the child moves out and becomes a independent. The scars (CPTSD) will always remain. Some have good friends to social relationships to support. Some literally don't have anyone but themselves not even a psychiatrist to therapist. Just themselves to stay sane in an unhappy and unfair world.

I haven't finished watching but it really burns me up inside to hear about professors telling their students to give up. What a disgrace. Their job is to foster people's gifts and help them move forward not crush them and leave them to live meaningless lives!!! I feel like this was the most traumatic part of her story, the straw that broke the camels back. Truly heartbreaking.

I can so relate to this story. The intense relationship anxiety is real! Especially when first dating and getting through the early stages, at the age of 40 I developed this after yet another traumatic relationship. It’s like I am sane when I am single and cope with everything perfectly. I have just experienced this after dating someone for a year and a half. I became so dysregulated, lost my focus, developed ocd behaviours. I took myself to my gp and declared I thought i have bpd .after much therapy I don’t have bpd but PTSD and ocd. I have been doing emdr for last year… I am glad to be single again as I feel regulated again. But I am so scared about the next potential partner. The body absolutely keeps the score. It’s frightening. My body locked down on me, (aches, shortness of breath, anxiiety attacks, highly sensitive etc) whilst my mind could understand my body didn’t, it is awful! I feel for this lady (please don’t give up on a good understanding partner, they are a godsend when you find one) ❤️ Good luck on your journey xxx

You said exactly what I was thinking at @12:52 … why do some traumatized people find healthy, secure people who they love and who loves them back… when despite my very best efforts I keep dating people who at some point switch up on me and end up to be just as unhealthy/toxic/controlling as the last

I worry a lot... Even when things are relatively stable...

I too was selling myself from 14-19... So I totally agree with the fairy on this issue. I have a tool I use when my brain is " on fire" I just say out loud.." that's not true.".. then explain to myself why. It really works for me.

Anna...this is one of your BEST videos I've watched, probably because it meets me exactly where I'm at...you have given me hope once again to keep going & I'm so very THANKFUL & GRATEFUL!! ❤️🤗🙏🏼🕊

I was a lot like you, young lady. Met my husband at 19 and almost broke up with him because he was too nice...36 years later he is still my BFF and lover. We had to love each other unconditionally and always choose to honor and respect each other. At my wedding reception, my family took bets on how long it would take him to leave me, but they underestimated the power of love. Blessings❤!

Thank you for always keeping it real Anna and not giving into political correctness. I wish we could be IRL friends. We could talk for hours! - completely agree with your take on “sex work”

Thank you MARTA and Anna. Your misery is your ministry. I’m excited for your continued healing … you have provided me with so much clarity. I’m 38 and just so proud of you for being 25 with this much self awareness, care, and attention to your needs.

I really, truly just want to be loved, but man oh man I get anxious and go back into proving I’m worthy enough and such an entertainer. Worried they’re going to figure out how flawed I am and ‘that’ will not allow relationship to last. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m working on it.

I really hope that Marta stays with her husband. I met my current partner in a similar way and he’s been my ride or die through my toughest battles with CPTSD. I went through similar anxious phases about the relationship more than once and he has embraced me through it all. People like this come once in a lifetime and Marta deserves to have the love and loyalty that her husband seems capable of.

I relate to Marta's story, right down to the timeline of meeting my partner at age 20 (and no, I didn't think I was ready), to breaking up for a year, to getting married around age 24/25. I also had a strong flight response as well as hypervigilance in the early days of the relationship--I kept thinking that I must be missing something, that I was going to be blind-sided, that he'd withdraw his love, that I should get out before I got my heart broken etc. Crazy thoughts, based on a past of abuse and neglect. I'm glad I stuck it out and learned to get regulated because twenty years (and two kids!) later he's still the love of my life. It's been an incredible gift to have a kind, loyal, and steady partner at my side. Those of us with CPTSD were injured in relationship, and so it makes sense that it's through our relationships that we also have a chance to heal.

Im so impressed with Marta. She found a skill in the midst of all the sorrow and pain. That is so so impressive. I hope she is proud of herself! She should be...what a strong woman. Wow

You are incredible Martha! You are so strong, and honest.

What an amazing woman. I'd hope to have a happy update in a few more years.

Thank you Martha for sharing your story. It was very brave to air out what you are going through. I identify with this story a lot.

My mom died from cancer when I was 11. Seeing someone you love go like that leaves yoi confused, helpless and scared it will happen again. I isolate from people mainly cuse of this fear and worry. Thank you Fairy❤

You’ve got this, Marta! Your light shines so bright, it’s no wonder your husband fell in love with you. Just be you and keep working on yourself; have patience for yourself. You’re worth it! ❤

i have no intention of getting into the moral(?) aspect of the matter, i want to defend the term ''sex work'' because of the purpose it has in the context of the law, as in the rights and protections some of us seek for those who practice it, whatever the reason for it, the dismissal of the humanity for that section of society is detrimental, it helps no one to ignore it hoping that'll make it disappear, or overrely on shaming people out of making a living through it; like with the abuse in any other field, agriculture, manufacturing, domestic upkeep, its work that people find themselves in for complex reasons sometimes outside their own direct control, and criminalising them is not the support they need.

It's so validating to hear someone who sounds exactly like me! I have ROCD and it's exactly like this, and the feeling of having to tell your partner your thoughts is a compulsion called "confessing thoughts" ERP (Emotional response prevention) along with stopping those compulsions has been helpful!

Wow this was very well done. Excellent letter writing and excellent, down to Earth response.

I love the insight this letter writer has on herself. I feel that she has a lot of hope ahead of her and a lot of potential to heal, to really have the things she wants in life. ❤❤ Keep going, trust the universe and yourself!

I am learning So much! Daily DP is really helping me distinguish the difference between what is somatic and what is true. Thank you.

Ive been doing this and hes been really patient but finally I drove my man into a mental break down. I feel terrible. Im worried i wont be able to stop doing it or if i can i dont know if i can be secure. He doesn't give me reasons to be insecure.

Thank you for sending this letter, Marta! I relate to this heavily. One thing that I thought of while watching this was "bracing." I spent most of my childhood bracing for the next big bad thing to happen. While I've never been in a romantic relationship, I fear that I might sabotage a good one because I'm worried that I missed a red flag or that a natural conflict is a sign to run away

The difficulty i have is not knowing if its me or the other person in the relationship that's the problem. My partner is quite selfish and while he spends quality time with me when im out of sight im out of mind. It's been 18 months and he was still looking on dating apps after a year and he wont put himself in a relationship on Facebook. I don't communicate my feelings well without it turning to criticism. Ive become so distracted and so obsessed and in so much limbo about where to go from here that ive lost touch with my own life. I drink too much dont eat dont sleep. I want to stop the pain

Thank you so much for the free therapy 😢

That is why you let things go, and have protection against attacks. Many ways to have mental protection. Archangel Michael

Wow, what an incredible story and I love how she is so in tune with everything. Relationship Anxiety! Glad I have a name for it now because I can relate to alot of that.

I was raised by an overt narc dad and a covert narc/bpd mom who werr also fundamental Christians who were obsessed with the rapture. I know without a doubt their hate of me plus fear of Armageddon caused my ocd. I wish someone would have intervened.

Sounds a lot like OCD with intrusive thoughts. Which is treated differently than depression. Just my thoughts after hearing the letter

liked and subscribed for calling prostitution what it is instead of that sex worker euphemism.

I just stumbled across your channel. And wow I’ve watched 2 episodes and you have answered so many questions, I was molested by my biological father at 3, and I’m 37 now, and i am getting closer to just calling it quits! I depression anxiety. Asperger’s ect! Name it i have it! I can’t seem to help myself, I want to but I don’t move! It feel like I have no control of myself! I’m sick of it so bad!

WOW, my heart breaks and jumps for joy at the same for Marta. This is an amazing young woman to have accomplished all that she has and with a sound mind at that! (She probably doesn't feel sound minded at times 😢) This is close to the most remarkable story of resilience as i have ever seen! I hope Marta is very proud of herself, she had such a rough shake. I will pray for this young woman ❤ i love the way you tackled Marta's CCF and i appreciate you sharing it very much. It seems we often think that the next thing will lighten our load only to have another obstacle or hardship show up. Worx in progress!❤ Thank God for people like the two of you sharing to help us all and lighten our journey. May God helps us who live with one shoe in the air ☀️

In third world countries especially Africa or India, boundary is not even a thing or is just applied to people with higher status. From a young age you are force to live in community and behave a certain way to not upset your tribe, your individuality is crushed in favor of communism, your own personal preference is never taken into consideration and only the opinion of the group matters and you are even sometimes badly punished or chastised for refusing to conform. In the long run you become either a people pleaser or develop an avoidant attachment style (like me)

I appreciate everything you said in this video. I have a very similar story to Marta. I was a survival sex worker, a classical musician that struggled with college, and now I have the most beautiful partner in the world and I am struggling to be. Okay within our healthy relationship. You are right about sex work. I tried to tell myself it empowered me, but years later I have severe trauma from it.

❤Anna you nail it with all your videos. Im learning and healing so much from them and the webinars. THANK YOU!

You are incredible! Thanks for the work you are bringing into this world. Your work matters and is needed sooo much

Anna, you look amazing as always ❤sending you hugs and lots of love

You are changing my life. Thank you ❤

this is exactly the situation i have now in my relationship 😭 i hope i can figure it out by the end of the video

This is very timely.

~☆~This was another really good one!!!~♡~I like how you re-phrase key things, that is super helpful!!!~☆~And some follow ups on how letter writers are doing now would be really awesome?!~♡~

4:39 I have a wonderful, loving, supportive husband too!! I want to always be with him. I totally get this

Omg thank you! Yes I overthink and yes I wondered "disregulation" I thought I was just having a moment. Wow thank you for naming it and suggesting some tools to get threw it.

When I get those thoughts, I journal them this helps me to get them out

What you seem to have is enmeshment trauma, push and pull the person, in need to be by yourself so that you can breath and be authentic with yourself and calm your nervous system down - I have the same thing, look into it and try to heal this part of yourself - most will say to use self-compassion, self-soothing technics and self love - it would be a shame to leave a good marriage in my humble opinion - good luck to you, you are very brave and clever xx

Thanks for your video. I'm so related to this story especially when she has consistent anxiety in a relationship that is going well. I wish I could have found your channel earlier then I could understand the idea of romance and place myself in a secure relationship better. always appreciate your feedback!

Thank you❤

Dysregulation…ugh! …I keep forgetting…” forgetting “ 😋👍🏻👍🏻

I just stopped even wanting to find a partner... I figured that my "picker" was not working because I continued to get abusive men both mentally and physically.

Self sabotage because she doesn't feel worthy of that level of love. She has to believe she is deserving of his love. Jill Guerin has a good video on, "The Thermostat Theory".

Is there help for children, caregivers in school/daycare? Thanks.

omg yes v useful and insightful as per usual but OMG red is your colour❤

You describe me.

Good Afternoon beautiful

It is hard to not know what is trauma vs reality. For example, the guy takes care of himself (or girl) in the beginning, hair brushed neatly, teeth brushed, never even a sign of bad breath they took care of themselves so well. Then after they live with you they slowly seem to stop all of it, even stop helping the other one who they knew going in needed help with bathing due to fall risk as they had an injury that is permanent. Starting to think being disabled is a death sentence on relationships, or attracts narcissists. Then after constant fights where they are unnecessarily cruel, they start taking longer for coffee runs in the morning. Start brushing their teeth more. So one morning they showered and brushed their hair and brushed their teeth so you look at them a little off, then your neighbor says only one reason to suddenly start doing all of the primping either someone else or they are on the prowl, make opinion not female. But you text something about them checking out on you since the fights are all them saying they want out but later it is they were angry. The response given was a verbal fight as they somehow know to keep everything off message replies. They tell you that you are implying they are cheating, they throw when do I have time to do anything. But you never thought that they were definitively cheating, just that they were mentally deciding they were done trying with you. But is trauma making you think they are suddenly changing and grooming themself like they did when you met or are you imagining it. They were gone for an hour when it normally takes a few minutes. You also do know much of the first getting to know each other he sat at coffee shops messaging you. But that tidbit I just remembered just this moment and has no figuring in any argument or any communication. The relationship breakdown sort of did have trauma influence, yelling. My trigger is being yelled at. I turn inward and shutdown. When the fights happen he is complete narcissist in that it is all about him and how he feels and your feelings don't matter. He always has a list of things you need to change.

Are you Holly the HR from the Office?

Question about the Daily Practice: what happens when I don't feel any resentment towards anyone during that time? Do I just skip that part? What if I don't actually fear anything at that present moment? What do I write instead? Thanks

omg, best of wishes for her. Check out mainstream reiki, shes helped me a lot heal from very similar thing. Also trauma-informed yoga, and healthy diet, feeling my emotions and sensations in my body.

💞

Am I the only one who sees a RED FLAG that her husband or BF at the time did not care nor ask her to stop doing sex-work????????? Really? Anyone who cares about another and has any understanding of psychology would most certainly understand the damage sex-work can do to a person..it makes it very hard to heal ...until you STOP...trust me I know. Why would he be OK with her doing this damaging type of work??

Please don’t attack me as this is an honest question and means no harm but I can take some corrected thinking and use it to educate myself. Every single one of these pods is about childhood. I was not abused as a child, just neglected and alone. My question is does anyone speak on a pod about when they don’t address childhood issues every pod and focus on the relationship and the after effects of being an IPV/DV survivor. I don’t mean it cold but I have listened to so many childhood pods but they don’t focus on what I want to know..we’re all fucked up from something, some worse than others obviously, but I want to really get into what about ME myself and my abuser w/out the childhood trauma. I hope I make sense as I’m struggling to word this somewhat right and I’m sure I failed but what after they get you and you’re stuck like I wish I could find a pod of a likable female expressing how it feels and the complexities of losing something either way and mine passed away in my house and how does that affect me. Please don’t come for me as this is my experience and I want to hear someone who felt like I did express themselves and the during and aftermath if there is one. I listened to someone who abused me for a decade and nobody did anything to help, all the classic shit and I listened to that man die screaming in pain. I need something like how to feel and heal from the time during and after.

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Can I make a suggestion?? Anna, your daily practice is great but when i found music and exercises that actually target the nerve thats keeping you in a high state of anxiety. It was like trading my Lexus for a Rolls Royce. Your practice helped me get regulated enough to start traveling in the direction of healing but my God, getting that nerve to relax ushered me into a whole new level. Please, please do some research on this if you find yourself angry, anxious or scared and you feel out of control. I want to also suggest a supplement that targets cortisol management. ❤

Marta put your letter to music. Put your experiences into music. Mozart didn't have a degree. Prove the bastards wrong. Shame them. write YOUR music please, for all of us.

Acid is NOT a party drug. So many people traumatize themselves doing medicine in public 🤦‍♀️ Do it alone.

🙏 Lots of similarities in my life experiences in this & so many others stories. 📝While it’s never a good thing to know of others suffering ,it makes me feel less alone. 🫂