genuinely good person, Eli for what its worth these vids that Mark produces gets out across the planet and we , in turn, genuinely care, hang in there buddy.
This is why we should never judge addicts or the homeless. To lose your son and your best friend would send most people into a downward spiral. He sounds like a good mans and I wish him all the best 🙏🏻
Grief is what makes 70% people homeless, the remaining number is just childhood trauma and people who ended up homeless due to loving the street lifestyle.
One of my favorite people so far....I can feel his pain quite literally...wow! Very intense, and I just like this guy so much in general!.he seems like a wonderful person
Anybody who has heard Eli, and is considering suicide, will realize the decades of pain caused by suicide which is a permanent solution to a temporary pain. God bless, Michael
God, this channel is so enlightening. The guy seems like a totally regular guy but has gone through the ringer. Thank you for enlightening us on people we may perceive differently that we are totally wrong about, thank you.
If this happened to one of my children, I can’t say I would be very far off from where Eli sits today. And I’ve never touched drugs in my life. We should never judge. My heart breaks for you. ❤️
It’s been 16 years since the love of my life killed himself and it’s an immense pain. I did get therapy and I am able to live my life but I always wonder and I think of him everyday with so much love. I miss him and I understand Eli , shit is fucked up.
I'm sorry, honey. That sounds deeply painful. All he missed out on. All the things you never got to share with him. I think about these things because the love of my life died from an overdose.
Being left by suicide by a loved one, feels like a big "Fuck You" no explanation hurts the worst! You have to remind yourself that a mentally well person wouldn't commit suicide. It really is the loved ones that are left behind that are suffering. I am so sorry for your pain, please talk to others and share your story, let people know your feelings, do it for those that are thinking about taking their own life,
Seems like a nice, caring man, despite his resolved to not love, haha. Who can't relate to that? A lot of people do speed/meth because they have some undiagnosed attention or concentration disorder. Rich people just get legitimized getting prescribed pharma drugs for the same thing, while people who self-medicate are looked down upon. My mother left a suicide note but didn't mention me in it.
@@BChandlerBaxter These days those who have concentration issues and can afford to see a doctor just get Modafinil. It's crazy how for-profit healthcare makes it so people who can't afford it are labeled 'drug addicts.' In countries without the profit factor in healthcare there aren't all these 'addicts' because people actually get treatment for their underlying problem.
Im sorry for your loss. My ex was a child on Ritalin, he found his father at 15. Shotgun. Same circumstances as Eli, the wife was cheating. My ex was and is still a meth addict.
@@marylougeorge9890 Thanks Mary Lou. She did leave me her jewelry which was the first nice thing she ever did, but it got stolen by another family member. If I was materialistic I bet I'd be pissed.
My brother-in-law did the same thing. Pain like this never never ends and dope dulls the pain. I know. I’m so sorry guy I understand how you feel. I really do 😞
Eli..although I haven't had a child die, I've had heart ache from pouring my soul and luv into another person, and I so relate to ur story. U build up a wall so u don't have to ever go thru that again. Thank u for being so honest and telling it like it is. I hope u find a some peace, even though it'll never be the same. It wasn't anything u did.
I'm sure the son never ment to. Guess you've never felt the depth of pain that would lead a person to suicide. It hurts so bad, it's even a physical pain.
I can respect this man, he doesn't seem to be begging for peoples attention like alot of the people I worked with when I worked in hostels, he just went fuck life. It screwed him over (life) and he just doesn't give a fuck anymore, he isn't poor me or like so many others making it a competition of my struggles are worse than yours! Working in hostels for 5 years and having my own troubles during life in that time has nearly dried up empathy completely, the lefty liberal hippie bullshit I used to be so passionate about has gone, but when I hear someone who just can admit in a way I gave up because life screwed me over and I don't care what people think that makes the empathy come back as this life is a cruel game were everyone is out for themselves.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, please ask yourself what your kind of life would your son want you to have? He wouldn't won't you to be so sad forever.
Hi eli I like wat yu said about yur son he was my best friend I'm blessed i have two sons that are my bestfriends but i don't think I'm their best friend the love i have for jacob&kyle sons makes me strong enough to take all. I couldn't image wat i would do loosing a son yur story is so strong,true of yu, shows the love yu have for yur son so eli stay strong friend until the end
Wow. This is one of the most heartbreaking and poignant interviews I've seen and I've watched alot. I hope he can find peace but it seems impossible. Maybe if nothing else his story will help someone who is considering taking their own life. When his son died, he killed Eli too.
He’s right. All the dope whatever you wante in the 70s was better than anything you can get now. Those of us who survived that druggie era I’ll say the same thing. Even with marijuana being cultivated for medicinal purposes it doesn’t touch the quality of weed we got during the Vietnam era.
Sir, I know it sounds empty and contrite, but find a way to forgive your son and yourself. True forgiveness. It'll begin to heal you soul. All the best to you. Truly.
I haven’t experience any of his tragedies, but my husband of 34 years died unexpectedly and I’ve been broken. I tried several kinds of help and Griefshare has saved me. We have two ginormous dogs who gave me purpose and watching these stories have made me feel terrible because I’ve never had go through a childhood or even life. Sorry to dump so much on your comment. Thank you, because I never post like this. 💔💔💔💔
@@bellaangus1213 Mel, I'm so sorry about your husband. Losing a loved one unexpectedly has got to be the hardest thing to deal with.😓 My Cousin was hit by a drunk driver a few days after his 21st birthday. My Aunt was devastated. Grief Support really helped her. She never got over the loss, but it gave her coping mechanisms to get through the day. I'm glad it helped you out. I appreciate your comment! Take care and Be Blessed. 💕
Dear Eli Just my thoughts, but instead of focusing on a note not written, think on the visit he paid you just before he died. You were the last and only person he wanted to see and talk to. That says everything! He gave you a gift of seeing and talking to him just hours before he died. He loved You!! God Bless you, Eli
I really like him. At least he’s genuine and doesn’t lie! He just tells it like it is. He’s not full of shit you can just tell. Hopefully he can find some peace.✌🏻✌🏻
I believe the heart attack he had two weeks after his son died was from the amount of grief he experienced. Losing your best friend/child can literally kill you.
Yes; there is an actual medical issue called "Broken Heart Syndrome". Many spouses who have been married for a long time go through this. I have worked at a level II trauma hospital and have done Physical Therapy with patients who were actually recovering from this. That's an intense love right there; I pray we all experience that depth if love and care with someone.
That’s not true !!! our cells remember trauma and they can be healed many ways. One way is called the emotion code we use magnets because we’re electromagnetic beings look into it
You’re so right. My dad is the same after losing my sister. I’m slowly trying to figure out how to love life again, but I’m afraid my dad never will. I pray for my dad, this man and all those who have lost children. It’s something no parent should ever have to endure.
Can you imagine how many times throughout his life Eli has wondered why his mom left him? And he still doesn't know. And then his son 😥The meth high kinda blocks out a lot of the sadness and pain from such devastating thoughts and it is no surprise that he turns to it. I really can't blame him.
Have you ever been in love? Yes, my son! POWERFUL!!! Every parent out there walks with the fear of this mans reality. Im very sorry brother, may the power of the precious moments you shared while he was here outweigh his exit. You deserve peace and a reason to smile.
I immediately felt a sense of connect with this man, more so than any other case. Aside from an uncanny similar appearance, I couldn’t help but compare his story with my own fathers story…from NY, abandoned by his mother, enlisted in the Marines at 17, went to Vietnam because it was better than his home life. I watched my dad struggle with affection for us kids and as an adult, I understand it now. It’s not easy to show love when that emotion was lost on you as a child. I just want to hug this man. Thank you Mark and Eli for sharing this, I’m going to call my dad today.
I am a former methamphetamine manufacturer- Anhydrous and sodium metal method. I will have 11 years clean November 17, 2021. You CAN live clean. No drugs or alcohol AT ALL. 4 years this December since I have quit drinking..
I really hope you compensated this man well, no matter the difference that we know what he'll buy, its his pain relief. And me, I believe he deserves the right to be numb.
Wrong. Every parent deserves to clean up the mess of suffering they unnecessarily imposed. No child deserves to lose a parent. Don’t get it twisted. Procreation is an egregious crime against the born. Because parents don’t have consent and they’re handing out a death sentence. At the very least, that makes intentional procreation tantamount to kidnapping and murder. Procreation is the harm that entails all other harm. It is to unnecessarily open the door to every conceivable pain, anguish and horror, for no good reason. To reproduce is to cater to the lowest rung within physical reality. It is an appeal to the lowest most vain nature in animal and an affront to the highest principles of logic and reason. It is a futile egoic pursuit of evolutionary perfection, which marks a grave reflection upon the soul in need of forging another profane representation in response to its origins of deprivation and subsequently its continuum. Where do parents get the “right” to impose unnecessary risk, suffering and death without consent? “To bring children into this world is to bring wood into a burning building.” Breeders are the root of all evil.
@@megangriffin2019 he deserves to suffer as his son did. With all the mental anguish and regret forcing another pointless life of suffering into this world ought to entail.
@@austinr.5989 I. COuldnt agree more..... I curse both my parents ever day I live in this miserable piece of shit life...... The illness the poverty the fear the heart ache. pain. terror. suffering weekneses and losses where to heavy to endure in this Piece of fuk we call life. But unfortunately my friend someone Shat us out here and parents have sinned against there children in bringing them here How ever ur here so roll with the punches my friend I. Would've necked my self ages ago like my mate did or past mate.... Only problem if there is a hell I'd rather put up with this shit then condem my self to more shit misery and be damed for eternal torment all because I committed suicide than hold on for dear fuk and pray to christ every day like a dog to take me outa this slut we call earth... parents are dogs cowards poor cheaters and liers Then they fuk make kids and expect them to be doctors and super soldiers when the parent himself is a funking worm in society and can't tow a str8 line them self well there u go
This was one of the most heartbreaking interviews you have ever given. The wounds are so deep within this man. So much hurt. I can't even imagine. Makes me want to hug everyone I love a little bit extra next time I see them.
90% of suicides are decided in the last ten minutes of life. I want to send my condolences to you, sir. It’s truly heartbreaking to lose a child. Love anyway, Eli
Thank you for your service. America should be ashamed of the way they have deceived and turned their back our veterans. My Dad served in Germany during Vietnam as well, when he returned home he was told he enlisted three weeks too early to be covered by full veterans benefits. 💚
That sucks so much my dad enlisted in 64 & received full benefits for both my parents, until after they both passed away. We paid for their funeral of course but they received a gravesite in a beautiful veterans cemetery close to home free of cost to our family. They even provided the grave marker . It is so strange How some get the full benefits & others don’t. All who serve at risk to life deserve compensation for their service.
If ever a human had a justifiable reason to live their daily life with the help of drugs, it's someone who has lost a child. I hold no judgement towards him. I would not be able to survive to go through what he did. God bless you Eli.
When this man said “You pour everything you have into someone & they either walk away or they die? It doesn’t just leave a whole in your heart.. it leaves the soul empty.” WHEWWW… that was deep 😭 such a real, raw & honest talk wishing Eli the best!
Oh Eli, you couldn't have done anything different. Your son was in an overwhelming amount of pain and made a split second decision. From what I hear from survivors, they are very glad they survived and wouldn't try it again. I think he didn't leave a note because he just wasn't thinking. He felt overwhelmed and wanted to turn that feeling off. I don't think he fully processed the finality of what he was doing, he just wanted the feelings to stop in that moment. You were so lucky to have each other, you sound like an amazing father.
Many years ago I was suicidal because of a major clinical depressive episode that lasted for 4 years. My life was great and I had no reason to be depressed, it’s just something that creeps up on you and it can happen to anyone. When you are in that much pain, you can’t think of anything else other than trying to make it stop; You reach a point where you’ll do anything, even suicide. I obviously don’t know the specifics of Eli’s son, but I agree with you that he likely wasn’t thinking straight if he was suffering that much mentally.
@@AshNicole-8161 how did you come out of your depression? I'm so glad you did ❤️. I imagine his son's wife cheating with his best friend was just an overwhelming betrayal that made him go kind of crazy. I've been cheated on and had my heart broken and I have to say the pain can be so incredibly deep, I absolutely fell into a deep depression and at times felt I was going crazy. There were definitely times that I just wanted my pain to stop. I used various addictions to numb my pain.
I think the last straw for his son was the new year, how he said "they say if someone is going to kill themselves, its takes 9 seconds to make up their mind" he didn't want to face another year here, he shouldn't of gave up that quick, It's truly heartbreaking what an irrational impulse can do, may that man find peace.
"I'd care for a dead cat before I care for a human" good content Mark. Yeah suicide no explanation for it I understand exactly what he is feeling. You will always wonder why?
😢😢😢 one never knows what someone is going through. What a sweet beautiful soul…. I pray he can find comfort and a level of happiness again. I can’t imagine loosing a child. God bless him.
A comfort pet might ,I was given a pup to care for after suffering depression due to my father’s death. I had lost myself through first caring for my mom for 5 years,then my dad through his battle with cancer. I had let my own Heath go & had cancer surgery & treatment during his last bout. My treatment worked but dads cancer was metastatic so the Drs were just giving him time. Once he passed I had no more battle to fight ,I collapsed closed myself in the house to grieve & hit bottom with depression. My sister gave me a puppy, I didn’t want to live but the little guy ,would whine ,he needed care ,food,walks etc. He saved me. I recommend a dog,but some choose other pets a lizard, a gold fish a mouse in your pocket, someone to hear your voice when no one else is there to listen.
@@blazefairchild465 What an amazing son you were to take care of your parents. You did the right thing when many in this world would had turned their back. How smart your sister was to get you a puppy. There's something so comforting about caring for a pet. I know it's made a Big difference in my quality of life.💖
Hey man just have to remember he was not angry with you, I think he just couldn't tell you. He wouldn't want you to be hurting this much all this time he loved you
Yes. He also expressed himself very well. He spoke beautifully of his son. Here was a young guy, successful had a lot going for him. It tells us that we need to do more health & even if a person appears to well they may not be.
Dear Eli, I hope that you see this if it is the right thing for you… there is a documentary called Boy Interrupted (2008) it’s on RU-vid, it may help you with dealing with your sons suicide, it gives a perspective
Eli experiences the most terrible thing in a parent's life, the suicide of his son and wondering every day what he missed. The death of a child is no longer in the logic of life. Why him and not me? It is a pain that he must live with. Drugs ease his suffering. I wish Eli to find peace and maybe love again one day.
"Don't love". But at the same time you have experienced a wonderful relationship with your son. Great, but bittersweet memories, guilt, I understand. I lost my son the same way 26 years ago. Miss him everyday, and try to thank God that I had him in my life. All the best to you, you certainly deserve it. I believe you are a good man, trough and through. God bless🤍
Oh, this man has such a tender heart and soul. It just oozes from him. I pray that he finds some peace within his heart. What an awful and horrific thing to lose your son in such a way. My prayers are with you, Eli.
Just a few days ago I suddenly and tragically experienced a loss like he is describing and I heard him say a couple of things that I just said to myself. I can’t believe someone else has the exact thoughts. The other day I thought about the age old question “is it better to love and experience loss or never to love at all”. Most people say love and loss because it would be sad to have never loved before. Right now, I feel like Eli, never love. I don’t want to have to worry about the well-being of another person right now either because of how much it hurts when you can’t fix something that is wrong. Yes, it’s probably a lonely way to live but I’m kinda thinking I could handle being lonely easier than I can a tragedy like this. Maybe that feeling will go away for Eli. Maybe for me as well.
Grieving is a journey. No one can tell you how to deal with it or how long till you get to the other side. You have to do it your own way, at your pace.
Its amazing how some people's brain dosen't get effected by the drugs and they stay sharp. He seems like a real normal guy..I hope he stays healthy and happy ..❤😊🙏
Honestly it's crazy how powerful a person's story is. This guy doesn't even realize it but his story helped me. He needs to understand that his story is heavy and it's not one he wants, but it's one that's helped me, it's probably helped many others or will. I pray enlightenment for this guy's life in that he finds genuine happiness and love again
This in my opinion is one of the best interviews you've done. The honesty and pain was more real than anything I've heard. Levi needs to know is there is nothing he could of changed from what his son did. Too bad he does not fell his life is worthy of better. He matters and doesn't know it!
@@andrethevegan_ Thank you. She passed on several years ago. I'm an oldie (70 yrs old) but a goodie!😂 She had a Wonderful family with loving relationships with them all. A beautiful legacy.😊💖
Hi Eli. I was your son, except I survived my suicide attempt. I’m sure you know, but we didn’t mean to cause the pain that we did. Your son doesn’t have to bear witness, but I have and did. The pain my grandparents (essentially my parents) went through wondering if I would wake up again. When I finally opened my eyes, I could see it. I can see you. I feel guilty, knowing my grandparents were wounded so deeply by my need to escape my own pain. I can only speak for myself, but there was nothing they could have done and there’s likely nothing you could have done. I’m so sorry.
