Dame Judi Dench on the passing of her husband | Louis Theroux Interviews - BBC 

Yes.

Absolutely. Big hugs all. 💗

When you lose someone, it isn't ever this once only thing where you grieve at the funeral and then that's it. You continue to relate to the memory pf that person as you grow and change. This is why i love the concept of the Mexican tradition of the "Day of the Dead" because it actually represents a regular occasion and opportunity to celebrate the people that you've lost that you still keep in your heart, remember and hold love for. We do have the tradition of visiting a grave to pay respects but increasingly people may not be interred in cemeteries with headstones and so that aspect of the catharsis of a ritual of remembrance may remain somewhat at arm's length in our culture. (Ie British or Western.) Of course, there's no reason you can't create your own rituals of remembrance. 🍃🤲 Also, f cancer. A thief of love.

Very much so. It never leaves you, just fades from the forefront of your mind until such moments recover it.

So true

Just like Queen Victoria 😢

She's an incredible actress who is playing a role for the camera even in that interview. She knew what she was doing and how she wants to be perceived in that moment. It was calculated but with good execution.

@@SamSam-xb1ur or she's just a person who lost someone she loved and mourns them. not everything is calculated.

@@aioloswind He died by stool in his blood. I just wish they didn't have to tell any1. What did you think about that (respecting the deads wishes) but it raises awareness atleast can we agree on that what do you think it was a few minutes in I thing thats when she was really calculations

@@SamSam-xb1ur I think you're terribly lacking in understanding and compassion for what it means to love and suffer the loss of the relationship that that love can build. And @aiolos is correct, too.

She didn’t say she didn’t want to talk about it, she said she wasn’t good at talking about it.

I concur with your sentiment 100%♡ Australia.

Laughing Lucy has already said this, but it's important: She didn't say she didn’t want to talk about it. I she did, he would have respected that, not just give her space and wait for her to change her mind.

@@BooRadleyTube in Britain, by saying "I'm not good at talking about it" is a polite way of saying "I'd rather not talk about it." One could see how much effort it took for her to remain the consummate professional and not ruin his interview with a silence that became increasingly awkward.

I agree, he witnessed and allowed us all to witness-without trying to “fix” or look away from her grief. I appreciated that.

More people should handle themselves in this fashion. You don't need to be a celebrity to do so either. Have class in everything you do and say. People will notice and you will be remembered for it long after your passing.

@Stephen Conway: A lovely comment, for a special couple. Thank you.

A long relationship or marriage is worth more than and fortune. Many people never find a soul mate for a long life. All is not lost though as many live great lives with a person they just like enough or even as single people.

Beautifully said thank you for sharing this with us!

Judi and her husband were friends and then husband and wive which they were fortunate to succeed in their marriage to last 30 plus years. How lucky for her to have so many memories of those early years and not have regrets. They were fortunate to have found each other.

Protect her from what? And how?

From people asking questions like yours 😅

@@laar8267 from everything, and how? Human shield

She is a national treasure!

Wtf are you on about? Is she being threatened by someone, or are you just a naturally, cliche-ridden, over-dramatic knob?

aww Glyn. my condolences, honey. It never matter how long . As a Swazi ( that's in southern africa ) in my Phuti language we have a word for it when love is intertwined with grief . we call it Mahua because it is continuous loop I feel your pain. How long were you married for.

@@PHlophe that's lovely, love the word Mahau. Thanks for sharing.

@@PHlophe 20 years ❤️

This whole exchange was so beautiful to read. Rare to see kind, generous people exchange kind words online these days! ❤️ 🙏

@@meco4068 I love you for noticing that.

Don't live dreading the possible, love the time you have together.

" There's one thing that's real clear to me: No one dies with dignity We just try to ignore the elephant somehow " Jason Isbell

I know exactly what you mean, having lost my father to lung cancer in July this year. It will take a while to get to a point where I don't think of those final days.

I must have a worse enemy than you

My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lunch cancer at the end of 2011, but she refused to die from cancer. She already had pulmonary fibrosis, and she said that’s what I will die off. My mums mum battled cancer for 20 odd years, and mum said no, not cancer, not like my mum. The drs gave her 4 rounds of extremely strong chemo, to give her a year with us. At the end of treatment the drs ( who were so amazed) told her all the cancers gone. Mum said to him, I know, I told you I’m getting rid of it. Sadly the pulmonary fibrosis took her life 5 years later. She slapped the cancer back for all the people it takes.

That's why I think there should be voluntary euthanasia in cases like this. I've never allowed my beloved pets to suffer prolonged pain at the very end. I know and understand the arguments against voluntary euthanasia, but it is successfully implemented in several countries. It is so professionally run one never hears anything bad about it.

Since when do you have to be in the uk to love someone who’s from the uk lol? Why’d you preface your comment by saying your not in the uk?

I wonder if she would laugh at being called a lady. She is definitely unforgettable and her sense of humor is delightful

@@Ooth9999 - simple really. She's usually referred to across the pond as someone wonderful and talented in the UK. She's loved across the pond too!! It was meant kindly and positively. Sheesh.

@@BugLoveOG I love her and I'm in Australia 😁👍🇦🇺

@@robbymitchell805 ❤

Susan Brennan • My.husband of 32 years fell off a ladder, breaking his shoulder, pelvis in 3 places, and sustaining a crush fracture in his lumbar spine. He has been in hospital and rehab now for 3 weeks. I have been alone to take care of everything. You don't appreciate how many things the other person does until you have all the responsibility yourself. The loneliness for them is agony. I miss him so much. His smell, his touch, his voice, his kisses and hugs. He will make a good recovery, and I believe he will be home in the next 3 weeks. This gave me a taste of widowhood, and I never want it! I have always told him he can't die because I don't want to be a widow. Now I know how true those words were! My heart goes out to all of you, men and women, who have been widowed. I don't know if I could bear up as well as so many of you have. 💔

Hi Susan how are you doing today

@@knitwit7082 that really means a lot. I’ve been one for almost 7 years. Being a widow is really such a permanent thing. My baby girl was only 1 when my husband passed, our son 8. The pain for my kids is what keeps my heart broken. I can go on only because of them.

You’re absolutely right. I lost my husband and a part of me went with him. I’m not the same person anymore and yes, I’m learning to live without him but at times it’s difficult.

@@fiona4423 …. When someone dies, people say you’ll get over it, you’ll feel better at some point, but you never get over it, you just learn to live along side it, and go through the motions of living with a smile on your faces for everyone else’s sake. After a certain period passes, people don’t ask how you are anymore, and for me, I’ve found this year harder to get through and it’s been six years since losing my loved one. Grief is strange, it can creep up on you when you’re not looking. I hope you’re doing ok, and being kind to yourself. 🤗

@@melianna999 …I don’t think there’s such a thing as “normal” when it comes to grief, everyone goes through it differently, but I do believe some thing’s aren’t healthy for our mental well-being, and I think sleeping with your dead loved ones ashes may be a step in the unhealthy direction. I have a friend who’s husband died of sepsis in hospital last year, and she’s still got the pyjama top he was wearing and it’s covered in his blood. She keeps it in the dining room! This is not healthy, and she’s now suffering from nightmares and can’t go into that room. I’ve told her gently that she needs to dispose of it, but she’s not listening to me. It’s like keeping his dead body in the front room. This is only my opinion though, like I said, everyone is different 😐

@@MoonSpinners We should farawell our loved one who died ,on cemetary. Sadly people learn about the souls suffering when they die. I understand pain of separation but totally against keeping the ashes in bed or being distress or in sorrow for the rest of the life.. WE ALL have to die some day.

Skavlan has that Ability as well . We Yanks haven't had an interviewer with comparable abilities since the Me Too'ed Charlie Rose . We will have to appreciate the Brit and Norwegian talents , I guess .

Australia's Andrew Denton is a similarly brilliant interviewer. There are a few recordings of his old series 'Enough Rope' floating around on RU-vid.

Agree love him

@@rachellereeve494 Thanks , I'll check it out .

He's also a little tyke!

Maybe you misunderstood the lyrics to the song…or you have never heard it. This was no “fine romance”.

I still miss Neighbours, how dare you take it’s name in vain 😂

@@MoonSpinners agree! Blasphemy! My favourite part was the era in which Harold crossed over to the dark side.

@@mothratemporalradio517 …I’m still traumatised 🤣

Being a sensitive is a real thing. It’s entirely different from being sensitive.

@@KitKatToeBeans …I don’t think anyone has questioned that, but as a sensitive myself, I thank you for explaining it for others who aren’t familiar with the term.

Very well said

They certainly did. Kind of makes you (sic) think we should be kinder. Best wishes. 🙂

What someone "deserves" has nothing to do with why things are or are not what we want to see happen. That comment is your personal sentiment. Not a statement of fact in any sense of the word. Think about that when making such a claim. A lot of decent people have crappy things happen to them. And a lot of crappy people have great things happen for them. So where does the "deserve" play into that?

@@lisamarieashby2523 Phew - I hit a trigger for you. Of course no one deserves bad things. It was a loose turn of phrase. I was expressing my wish that they (and everybody) could have good things happen or continue to happen for example their wonderful relationship.

@@lisamarieashby2523 I totally agree with you xx

@ohforfoxsake hugs back to you. ❤️

Greetings from Maryland USA! Thanks so much for including the name of Judi & husband’s sitcom so I can search for it.

yes that is a hilarious show you're the only person in this feed that's even said his first name let alone last.. Even though this is about him his name is not mentioned I'm finding more fault with that then I probably should but I do because I feel like in spite of the fact this is about him he's actually kind of being ignored in a weird way.

When I was first watching that show I had no idea that they knew each other other than for work but always thought to myself that they seemed like they would be a good couple LOL. Only in recent years have I found out that they actually were at the time which makes the show even more special.

Hi Lyn how are you doing today?

Nicholas, it will always pain her. It never leaves you.

She really is, she was absolutely stunning as a young woman and she’s aged brilliantly too! Her eyes are still so full of life and strength, they were always her best feature.

Yeah, I relate. I lost my mom a few years ago, myself. She was only 60. She had so much more time left. It's so hard to feel like all of the things I still wanted for our relationship are now never to be. It's still weird - disorienting - to think that she's gone... and it's absolutely true that life's high points are a little lower since. Someone else in the thread was talking about how grief takes up less of your day to day, but every time you mention someone in passing you still feel your throat tightening at the reminder that they're not around. Anyway, maybe there's some comfort in knowing that this is everyone's experience of grief, more or less... and so here's to Dame Judi for being brave enough to show it to us on camera, and inspire the really beautiful conversations that are happening on this thread.

@@lekoman you described that feeling so eloquently. It is exactly that, I hear a song, someone says something, I see a picture or I have an experience that I would have liked to share with her and that triggers that overwhelming feeling…it is always just lurking in the wings. Hang in there and know you are not alone in that club you never wanted to be a member of.

No you won’t be the same, you will be better. She is with you and her perfect love comes through God to you. It’s bigger, stronger, changes us and we are all the better.

Hello Deb, I hope my comment wasn't taken as a form of invasion of your comments privacy. I'm here to make friends, how are you? Where are you from?

Condolences to you, hope life has treated you well since then, greetings from Australia

Study Case • My best friend's parents were married 70 years or so. Her father died of cancer in his 90's. After he died, her mother commented to friends, "You know, I don't recommend these long marriages. It is just too hard when they die." It was so cute. She was getting dementia, and had been married to a wonderful, sweet man who had defied his family to marry her. A true love story. ❤️ She lived for about another 15 years after he died. My friend took wonderful care of her mother until she died at 104. My friend is now being cared for by her family as she has developed dementia too. 😭

Hello Madeleine how are you doing today

Hello Laura how are you doing today?

Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. My dear husband of almost 50 years died a cruel death from Parkinson's Disease, dementia, & bipolar disorder on May 24. His last days were hideous. I had to fight constantly for decent care & medication for him in this horrible nursing home. Understaffed, falling apart, dysfunctional in every way. One doctor (who doesn't bother to show up for his 1 morning per week visit) for 100 eldery people suffering the full range of diseases, most with some form of dementia, many stroke victims, a few young people with Down Syndrome, unending chaos with wandering, weeping, raging people, multiple TVs & radios blaring, disgusting food, the stench of dirty diapers & urine, bitter, overworked , underpaid staff are burnning out & quitting after working here for decades because the absent, rich owner just don't care, no where to escape for a moment of peace. Before he died my husband told me this place had broken his spirit. He blamed me for leaving him in this hell for 3 years. He couldn't remember the misery it was when I broke after caring for him at home for 10 years. But he was right. I tried, I complained, but it did nothing, then COVID made me so sick I ended up here. We had a few months together when I got to help care for him. In his last few days I didn't sleep, I held him, bathed him, played his favorite Bach & Beethoven, recited his favorite Wordsworth poem, Daffodils. I saw him draw his last breath just after midnight. But the truth is, I failed him and I will take that guilt to my grave. Six months on, I struggle to process this grief much as you have. I know it will never go away. Depression, shame, anger, then a bit of hope. I am stuck here in this place I hate. No money to move, no family or friends left. Trapped by a broken health care system. I do all the things we know to do to fight our demons-art, music, watching the birds outside my window, crocheting a lap throw Christmas present for the lovely man down the hall paralyzed from stroke (Toronto Maple Leafs hockey fan so I'm doing it in their iconic blue; his wife will sew a Leaf's patch on it as a nice touch😁) but I'm tired & age is weighing on me. I try to help a few near my bed who are much worse off, which does give one some perspective. And I distract myself with RU-vid😂. I apologize for this rambling, bitter rant. Again, thank you & my best wishes to you 🙋💕🇨🇦!

@@Claudia-up6hr I don’t want to tell you how you feel, but that isn’t your fault at all. It is the fault of the institutions that are allowed to operate in this disgusting way in the 21st century. I’m 36 and for me modern life, for the most part, is like covering up a dysfunctional toilet’s odour with air freshener.

@@Claudia-up6hr So sorry.

@@Claudia-up6hr God bless you. I am sorry about the horrible place you are in. I have been fighting for better care for my husband who is injured and in rehab. He will be home in 3 weeks they say. I hope so. We have been very blessed because of his military medical care. We may end up in the assisted living part of the Air Force Retirement home in Florida before long. That is supposed to be a really nice place. We have 3 rescue dogs we can't bear to give up, so we are hanging on as long as we can. But please don't blame yourself for the condition.of the place he went. Sadly there are some terrible places out there that should be shut down. But we all do the best we can for our loved ones, and I am sure you did too. I am sorry you are there now too. I wish you had alternatives, like family who could have you live with them, or a good assisted living place. God bless you for all the good you do from where you are. It reminds me of an old saying: Bloom where you are planted. It sounds like you are blooming there despite being in some very rocky, poor soil. That takes real character. I respect you for that. God bless you. I hope things improve for you.

Sorry to hear about your loss I hope you’re doing well

Hello Cecilia, how are you doing where are you from?

Hello Dana, I hope my comment wasn't taken as a form of invasion of your comments privacy. I'm here to make friends, how are you? Where are you from?

Hi Gratia how are you doing today

he passed about 20 yrs ago..............

@@andreanittel2240 She is stil in grief....That's how grief works.