date for values, not from a wishlist + divine feminine things 

I had seen a video of a man who used to bring flowers every day for his wife. So in order to save money he built a garden on his balcony so he would still get her flowers every day while saying money. that's the type of effort that we want

'You know what's more expensive than flowers - a divorce' 😂😂😂😂 You're precious

I just met a man in his "golden retriever" energy, and oh my godness, I will never look back ! His energy was so positive and kind, he really is a gentleman and with a natural provider mindset. I feel safe and spoiled. Before, I could feel safe with some men, who were very "masculine", army type guy, but tend to be a bit pessimistic and not opened about their emotions, so I never felt fulfilled. Thank you Elle, for telling us those men exist, because they DO ! ❤

My husband always says to me "I will take a loyal golddigger over a cheating independent woman anyday" 😂 then proceeds to pay for my living expenses. Love my life for me

Fall in love with the way he treats you, not just him. You'll never accept another bare minimum man.

One of my non-negotiables is that my life partner MUST bring me a sense of peace. I experience that sense of complete peace when I'm hanging out with my most inner circle friends. Anyone who's experienced it knows exactly what I mean. I've never reached that same level of peace, calm centeredness with a guy. I know that when I do get that sense of calmness from a guy, as I do from my friends, THAT'S MY GUY!!!! Other non-negotiables - generosity and SUCCESS (not necessarily financial success, but there he has to be a successful person in most aspects of his life).

I did this as a teenager. I held out on even having a serious boyfriend until I met a guy who actually suited me. And let me tell you, it was like love at first sight when I met him, because I stuck to my values and they were things that he embodied so much that I could tell just by looking at him. My top things were that he had to be goth,(we'll get to that in a moment) he had to have the trifecta of being kind (yes, KIND, very different from a "nice guy"), a romantic, and intelligent. And finally, he had to actually be very very interested in dating me. Guess what, girlies, going on 12 years later and we're still together, he's still my one and only! Why goth? Because he's less concerned what unimportant people think, he's a total pretty boy who isn't at all into toxic masculinity culture/machoism. Such behavior disgusts him actually. And because of that, he isn't wasting his time or energy trying to gain the approval of other men. He has the same tastes as me in music, clothing, etc. He takes care of himself, has good hygiene!!! (honestly better than mine) He understands the value and time it takes to have good makeup/skincare and hair, because he used to do it on a daily basis too. He really appreciates women and what society puts us through because of how he was treated. He has the appeal of the tortured artist. These were all the perks of dating a true goth pretty boy. Kindness IMO is non-negotiable, and he is the kindest man I know. He's a cat person, and cares deeply for our critters. He's a romantic at heart, and takes pride in treating a lady right, and loves to do sweet things for me daily. He loves to take me out to dinner, we go on dates multiple times a month despite us being relatively low-income. He's got high emotional intelligence along with being incredibly book smart. (idiots are my biggest turn off) He has always been savvy with money, despite coming from a very poor family. He showers me in affection and truly cherishes me, and is happy to provide for me. I'm basically a spoiled wife, and every older woman (read: women who have years experience of practicing discernment, self-love, de-centering shitty men, and who have the wisdom to know what truly matters in a longterm relationship) that meets him finds him incredibly charming and polite. I take great pride in that he passes every vibe check and gains the approval of older women by the way he treats not just me, but other women. Oh by the way the sex is amazing, even after all these years.

They glow up by sucking out your energy and tormenting you until they’ve sucked you dry and tossed you out. He keeps all the accomplishments he gained while feeding on your energy and leaves you a dry, crippled, shell of what you once were.

100% how I got married so quickly is when I started dating for values! Healthy eating, no sex before marriage, good morals. We have been married for 3 years now and I couldn’t be happier!

You're soooooo right. I've been living with a chaotic, broke man for 7 years and I almost got used to feeling anxious all the time! He was earning a lot (about $3000 which is a lot in Eastern Europe) at some point, but still at the end of the month he was borrowing from other people. When we first met I was 19 and I thought money don't matter. Yeah, right. My aunt is a very succesful woman who around her 30s met a younger guy, she became pregnant and they've started a relationship. He was very passionate about bikes, but not so much about work. It's been almost 18 years now they're together, but for her it's been a hell as she puts it. He would spend her money on overpriced stuff. And when she wants to leave or finds another man he gets so mad, like crazy. Not because of love, but because of the fact he now doesn't know how to live on his own. He is now a fully developed parasite.

Ok I had to paisey and talk about it when you mentioned how men should have "golden retriever" energy when you date them and not "black cat" energy. This is so real. It never fails if a guy is acting aloof, if he's acting too stoic, if he's moody, a man of few words, or if he's indecisive on a date ? RUN Because if hes stoic and aloof he doesn't care about you he prob wants a hook up. If he's moody or suppressing too much he's hiding something OR is very emotionally immature. If he didnt choose the date or he said at any point that he didn't care.. .... girl he doesn't care don't waste your time. The reason we want so called golden retriever energy is because when a man is excited to pick the place, excited to see you, excited to share his life, etc, this is showing genuine interest and we don't want a man who is usig being with you as a means to avoid his own growth. This happens all the time... not only will they avoid their growth they will find ways to criticize and blame you somehow. Why? Does he hate you? Likely no he literally is using you to avoid being better. You ARE the prize when men think they won the prize they get complacent. So the last thing you want from a man from the first date is them NOT pursuing you. DO N O T pursue a man. In the beginning idc what anyone says when women ask a man out that is setting things up for a reversed polarity relationship. Its ugly you do not ever pursue a man. Unless you wanna make him the female who is nurtured instead of them doing that for you. This is a rampant problem nowadays too because lets face it at least in America most men came from pretty dysfunctional systems. If his mom treated him like her bf or spoiled him into a massive man-child, you are pretty much screwed because these mommy issue will make them act like a teen that u have to raise instead of an autonomous man. . Those men are made not born ok they are becoming few an far between. Thanks to the fact that parents stunt their children's development in all kinds of annoying ways nowadays Character can only develop wisdom can only develop it's not likely to just happen unless you are exposed to very wise people or whatever. We are dealing with majority man children nowadays it makes me sad. Because a lot of time these grown men child will trigger a type of attraction in you like you wanna "take care" of them. Because their parents didn't do a great job and they dont have the emotional intelligence to re-parent themselves. If you ever get that vibe of "I just wanna take care of him" pls be careful is it genuine because he's been good to you or is it because he gives off lost baby animal vibes. 😅

The flashy spending part really spoke to me. My last relationship was with a man who spent a lot of money on dates during the first weeks of our relationship. I quickly realized that he was spending money from his dad’s company that he told me he « worked for » - but actually had no contract with or wage from. Once his dad talked to him about paying for dinner and drinks with the company’s card, he started asking me to cover bills. So 1 month into the relationship I was spending my hard-earned money while he was spending money he never earned. He was so broke that at some point he asked his friends that he invited over to his parents house to pay for the bottle of rhum that they drank. That relationship ended quickly. He recognized my feminine energy and decided to pretend to be the provider man that he wishes he wash.

I used to be SOOO obsessed with finding a boyfriend after leaving my abusive ex in senior year after he called me slurs and groped me. Now, as a sophomore, I deleted social media, lost 100lbs, read over 40+ books this year, got A and B grades, three (3) genuinely close friends, self-sustainable after cutting off toxic family, and a good outlook on life. I don’t know if there are any Christian girlies here, but I’ll trust the process whenever I go dating and God will surely lead me to the man or woman of my dreams.

Loved hearing the "green flag" section of this video. I think knowing more green flags to look out for is really helpful :)

my man used to go to a flower shop and get me beautiful bouquets when we were just hooking up and he wanted to date me but i wasn't ready. he even bought me 2 expensive crystals because he knew i liked them. he would buy everyone's dinner for them. now fast forward 10 months into our second go of being in a relationship, i basically fund his life, i pay half for "date" dinners and have to practically beg him to buy me flowers. at this point i just buy my own flowers so I wont be sad.

I think a lot of what you said applies not only to dating but to friendships as well. Its easy to slip into bad habits, especially if you have a friend or partner reinforcing them

When I was a dumb teen, I asked God to send me a hard-working man. And He did. And what Elle says is true: that 1 value was able to grow and influence the other parts of our lives, including shared household labour, saving and being frugal enough to have financial stability, but also enjoying the $ we’ve been given to steward. After decades of marriage, I realize I could have had 1-2 other things on my list of desires in a partner to give to God haha! but the point is what Elle says: prayerfully reflect on and identify the handful of non-negotiables. Such a practical lesson: thank u!!

I'm so sick of all those people saying that women are asking for too much, or we lose value as we age so we better settle down. They're trying to make us feel desperate and take whatever is out there. That's all crazy. Spoiled Girlies Support Group isn't delulu- it's just the honest truth❤

Everything Elle says here is true. I have been dating men who have lifestyle wise not aligned with my ideals and let me say... All my dietary and exercise goals were almost unattainable. It was just not possible and I really tried. One of them was also super broke, spending way over board and I was soooo frugal and still was in a bad place with my finances. The moment I kicked him out of my life my finances got back in order.

The sad part is when you find a guy who has all of the top values and more of what you are and are looking for, BUT he doesn't like you back 🙃

But... hear me out... I wrote a list of every detail I wanted for my future boyfriend at 15. Now I'm 32 (since yesterday) and married with the guy I am in a relationship with since 11years. He embodies all the "unrealistic" traits I once fantasized about till this day. I didn't even know what manifestation was, when I was a teenager but the universe didn't seem to care and listened anyways 😂👍 What I try to say is: Listen to her advice, but make your delulu- list anyway and put it away. You'll never know if you forget about it and years later he's right in front of you without even initially realizing 🤫

I feel like this video is legit a sign. I just met a man who is masculine, very wealthy, and in LOVE with me. we are SO emotionally and mentally compatible it’s insane but i’m not really physically or sexually compatible w him😭 i’m trying to work thru it bc he’s tryna make me a lululemon range rover wife

We are being fed. The queen is posting every other day? The spoiled girlie support group is thriving

VALUES. Then create a love list. Then ask yourself if you are the reciprocal of what's on your list. If not, work on it. But yeah, having shared or similar VALUES really create a strong foundation in the relationship.

After reading the title I've realized that most of my wishlist things that I want in a man are about values and attitudes

Yes! I totally agree with you. Great advices, bestie. I've already had a list of non-negotiables:1. shared values (gender roles, religion, money) 2. good communication 3. his attitude towards me.

You have tremendously change my perspective, give me back my power. Your teaching help me to teach my daughter. Your message is enlightening because it changes from what we are usually hearing. I am really grateful to have found you and your channel. Love from France

Thanks for reminding women of our inherent worth. ❤ We ARE the prize. women need to stop getting with men for their "potential". And really open your eyes to how he treats you in the moment. What are his values? Dating should be less delusion more job interview. Idk what's more romantic than a guy sharing my values. I'm not forcing romance. Men are NOT your pet project they are your PARTNER. Don't get blinded by delusion like "this is my soulmate" or looks or even money because those things/feelings can fade. Fall in love with yourself first because the alternative really is to center your life around men and children. (Don't get me wrong I have great respect for mothers but it's not for everyone and the woman usually sacrifices the bulk) coming from a previously very boy-crazy millenial who has suffered many disappointments. My mom never taught me to seek better because she didn't feel worthy herself. We can break that generational traumam.

Truth!! I was such a desperate pickmeisha for my whole dating life, until I decided to get serious about my values and who I really was. And I got lucky - I was introduced to an amazing man who I wouldn’t have met on my own, and he shared all of my core values. But I had to have a serious sit-down with myself and accept that the man of my dreams was 5’3” and in his 50’s when we met. It wasn’t what was on my checklist, but good for me that I didn’t let myself get in the way, because 11 years later and we’re still very happily married!

My last relationship was with a man who was incredibly financially irresponsible, partly due to a spending addiction. I was obviously sad when we broke up but looking back now that relationship ending was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Becoming financially independent and being able to support myself is so important to me, and if I stayed in that relationship I would have been dragged down by this person's baggage and ruined my own life by desperately trying to "save" him. Saying this for any other "delulu" heart-eye people out there in similar situations: please believe you're worth more.

I wasn't super attracted to my bf at first cos he wasn't tall and is very slim built but he has a nice face. He showed interest very quickly and was always generous and gentlemanly. Over time, and honestly, women can fall in love with men who treat them right. ❤ there is no need to be afraid that you wouldn't find anyone other than your type attractive. On the other hand I also met a man who was super attractive and conventionally masculine - tall and lean and chiselled features. Made some weird innuendos and I just felt uncomfortable. On top of it all, I paid for my meal. ON THE FIRST DATE. The eeek.

The girl is spitting facts! Learn now or suffer later.

Bestieee can you make a video on how to recover from situations/relationships that exploited and shut down your feminine energy 💗

I’m about to redo my list. I was already thinking about changing my checklist. I’ve been listening to financial advisor Ramit Sethi. He talks about people building their “Rich life”. My rich life includes travel, saving, investing, having new experiences, spending time with family. I am going to keep Sethi’s ideas and your ideas in mind as I revise my list. I don’t know if you’ve heard of Burb n Bougie here on RU-vid. A lot of your content is similar. She had a book entitled Ashy Men Will Make You Fat. I haven’t read it, but the title speaks the truth.😊

Another important point is distinguishing what you find attractive from what society deems attractive. One of my Exes was the workwear model kind of beautiful, extremely tall and quite strong/muscular - so exactly what society tells me a man should look like. My partner has somewhat wider shoulders and is slightly tall, but just has a very different appearance and vibe. His face is more unique and not just "handsome". I love his looks so much, but I know that others would say that the Ex was "better". But my man is better to me, and that's all that matters.

12:56 “OK do it and then come back in 5 to 10 years when you’ve developed some sense” Damn. Bars.

I think it would be a great idea if you made videos about finance and money for the girlies, i feel like we could learn alot from you and the tips would actually apply to us as women

Oooooh, I am intrigued by this 'black cat energy'. I've never heard that phrase, and I'd like to know more, please.

Dated a few men who spent money they didn’t have to “impress” me. I like the idea of the man’s lifestyle, setting your own lifestyle in a relationship. You’re so right because I just thought about it and the guys that overspent on dates are also the guys that spent a lot of money on stupid shit.

If I had this advice in my twenties as a creative, attractive and intelligent woman -I’d be married to a billionaire now.

I dated a guy who budgeted. He never budgeted in a relationship, even though he allotted "fun" money. First time I got flowers from him was after we had broken up 🙄

As soon as I stopped going by my checklist and decided to simply settle for someone that loves me, cares for me and what I have to say deeply, and i find healthy and fit (because I am too) I inmediately got my golden retriever dream and checklist filling attentive man. It works girlies

I love your videos. They're so helpful. I feel sometimes "like a complete egoist" when I talk out my expectations about me coming first, him caring and providing for me and him respecting me. I know this feeling is surreal, and I in fact am not an egoistic person, I'm someone who has values that I follow and expects my partner to respect them too. And yeah, low-effort men... it's effed up how easily you can downcast yourself just to feel good about his attention. This is truly a sacred space, thank you for creating it. It's really important to remind of your true worth.

She is saving our lives !

Not to be a Debbie Downer...but a person working out doesn't automatically mean their features are good looking. Ladies, you're allowed to also have standards on a person's features.

This is so true. I was in a messy stage of my life when I met my current boyfriend. I contemplated ending it so many times because he didn't "like to party" and didn't share my every interest... I am SO happy I stuck with him, because he has inspired me to make my life better and take better care of myself. I just love him more and more every day ❤

You're content is pure gold. It's like you cracked all the real codes and now you give us the REAL life advise . Thanks so much, sending lots of love your way ✨👏👏

1:07 lol i love watching Indian Matchmaker. A *good heart* is what matters ultimately that determines everything else like generosity and commitment.

Based on my own experience I must say you are totally right

Loved it girl! More women have to hear it!

I love the terms "golden retriever energy" and "black cat energy"

I just blocked a golden retriever provider man who came back into my life and brought the same low-value man h03 sht with him. This popped up on my feed, so I'm about to rewatch it. I know it's gonna bring the real talk I need ❤️ thank you for being you

So many gems in this episode bestie, we girlies appreciate you! 💅🏽💛

THIS 👏🏻 VIDEO 👏🏻 IS 👏🏻 PURE👏🏻 GOLD👏🏻

i love how you always happen to post exactly what I need to hear . LOVE YOU BABEEEEE

at first i was skeptical of this group but now i in love with it love it bestie

Thank you for the value you give us! I feel very supported

This video is so timely for me ... thank you so much bestie😊

I needed this one today

my favorite podcast before bedtime, love you, Elle, love to read comments, thank you for creating this community❤️

Elle, You are Really feeding us. ❤

Girl! I love this video. Keep the content coming. Thank you so much for your videos.

Hey girlie, can you make a video on investing basics and how to be a good investor 🥺💕

This is sooooo helpful!! Like I've always wondered and thought over and over my checklist again, but THE THREE CORE VALUES are what the most IMPORTANT!! These non-negotiate traits could be scripted individually and someday in the future, when it's time to look back and analyze your relationship this would help so much. Thank uuu Elle 🌸🌸❤❤

Thanks as always elle And you're glowing! We've come such a long way, i was rewatching some of your videos. I'm still healing and trying really hard to love myself because of you. Thank you ❤

Thanks for another great video with tons of golden advice. Love your channel ❤️

love your videos! thank you ❤

Golden!!! We Adore U!!❤❤❤

I actually love it here💛

This is chef's 💋. Thanks Princess!

I needed to hear this!

Love the cardigan bestie🫶

Omg so helpful the red and green flags. More tips on spotting and vetting a golden retriever man! And dangggg so good 👏👏🔥 we are the source! What we want wants us more! The most successful men wants to invest in us so bad because we 10x their success!

Thank you so much, girly. I love your advice, it's so eye-opening :)

I have watched a lot of feminist videos in regards to dating and this chick just perfectly and articulately nails it. Like I have never seen a MORE articulate and well thought out video honestly.

Thanks bestie!

Girlie, THIS was good😌

Im not fan of your content but this video title it was a absolutely YES for me😊💜

Amazing advice, thank you

💯💯💯💯💯Men set the tone and lifestyle. Lazy broke immature men will drag you down to their level, you will never elevate them to yours. True for finances. Also true for health, fitness and alcohol/substance use!

You don't have to marry rich, the bare minimum is comfort. Where you can treat yourself and go on nice dates comfortably and not have to pinch and scrimp. A moderate amount of disposable income into the right investment or even savings account can become a wonderful nest egg if you work on it consistently.

say no to cheapos

LOVE THIS! here for every one of your vids. can you make another vid/podcast on more green and red flags? also where is your cardi from? love it!

Tuned into you like my favorite radio station 💕🎶 it’s classical if anyone’s wondering 😊

Such great advice.👌🏼

spitting facts once more !

You’re really starting to sell me on this spoiled girlie thing. Divine feminine, I really like the sound of that.

HAHAA!! I just found your channel maybe this week-? But I cannot get enough.

Love this video!! And plz do more videos on green flags in men and how to tell if he is good husband material :)

I'm just a few minutes in and my ex was a health and fitness guy but he is below effort bare minimum with anyone who isn't himself. I should have known from the length in which he would stare at the mirror.. but I thought it meant he was disciplined and would put in effort.. and he would just not for anyone else. Not even his struggling family

could you do a video on black cat and golden retriever energy?

I thought about how broke men don’t have to writ about gold diggers….neither do selfish wealthy men. My ex made 6 figures and I remember him asking me if his job was a reason I talked to him on the app. In retrospect i think of the time my ex told me he was offended that I didn’t offer to chip in on a rental vehicle to go to his coworkers party. I made a fraction of his income. The only ppl who need to worry about gold diggers are generous men:0 generous ppl:0 i was the generous person in that relationship. I told my bf that only generous men need to worry about being used. And then we smiled because he feels very looked out for by me. He also wants to live more luxuriously and wants me to be apart of it and is someone who is moving up in his career. Idk what my ex wanted, someone who could front their own bill in dating? Not even sure why he worries about sugar babies it’s tacky on his part.

learning and still learning but most importantly got apply the lessons

Girlllesss out there!! I can't wrap my head around this for a while the Girlfriend effect not even Girlfriend but Girl effect, around a week ago I happen to be in the same bus as my boy classmate, he offered me seat, typical stuff and then when we were in class I couldn't help myself but wonder how he became more handsome in just a few minutes like literally he was glowing out of nowhere , Idk if I'm tripping -

Can you please touch on the nuance of initiating conversation as a woman? I want to gain more insight on where it's appropriate to reach out to a man if there has been no contact. Am I stepping out of my feminine energy if I initiate conversation? Is it totally up to the man to keep reaching out for dates/conversation, etc. or can I initiate too? Has he lost interest if he is no longer making contact? Should I just let him go or can I reach out? Thank you! I need to know if I need to be brought back to my senses xx

What about the abundance mindset?

Pls bestie do u have a podcast 😩

Where is your cardigan from it’s soo cute?

The only thing I don't agree with is that " if they are into fitness they are automatically good-looking" Some women find big muscles repulsive and beautiful faces are more important than bodies. Personality, face, and not being overweight are my top priorities. As for money, I got the money but I will never spend it on them again so they should also have some.

14:51 all I can think of on that scenario is Adele’s meme “divorce babe divorce”