Happy New Year! May 2021 be good to us! Thanks so much to skillshare for sponsoring this video and thank you all so much for your support! The first 1000 people to use the link will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership: skl.sh/samintokyo01201 Let me know your experiences dating in or out of Japan in the comments ;)
months ago, I went to the video of a site called italki. i was doing a section where i explained why japanese people don't make good friends and a weird japanese girl was answering me, who is from osaka. she explains that a number of Japanese people are attracted to foreigners. but she never explains how we could meet them. she made other answers, every time someone talks about a dating site, the girl said that it's not possible, that the Japanese avoid answers from foreigners... I didn't understand. I followed her on her channel recently to talk about his shades, but my comments aren't showing up. is it a cookie issue? I would like to talk about this with someone reasonable, who does not know me, without bad faith. this is not a troll, please can someone explain this girl's problem to me?
It's more rude to block, it's the easy way out for you but tough for the other person. Just say: It was nice meeting you but I don't think we'll be a match for anything more. Thank you for spending some time with me and I wish you luck in meeting someone perfect for you.
Thanks, this was interesting! As for the blocking/rejecting: I feel like a simple message along the lines of 'hey, thanks for today. I feel like we are not a good match, but I wish you good luck in further endeavors!' would be be preferable to ghosting them. That way, you are communicating your boundary without having to call out what you didn't like in them.
Yeah a quick message is the nicer thing to do, you dont need to straight up say "I dont like your Disneyland-announcer fetish", blocking would be still nicer than not replying though because that just leaves them forever wondering
Just think of them in your shoes of when you were waiting on the guy who overslept. You probably could've made other plans if he told you. But oversleeping is unintentional, also if they're forced overtime, I'd give them another chance of they want to, but I'd rather that they'd be straight up about it if they aren't interested.
If it makes you feel any better, I never get a reply on Tinder from Japanese girls, even though we mutually swiped right on each other. But the first time I used Tapple, a girl replied to me saying that I give off a kind aura from my photo. I couldn't see the girl's face clearly because she's looking downwards in her photo so I couldn't give her that same compliment, lol.
When I was dating I found it frustrating that I 1) couldn't get a definitive no and 2) I want to know the reason why. If I was told, "I don't like you," I would indeed find that a bit rude and off-putting. I'm looking for more specific information like, not a good match because you don't want to have kids, you are too old for me, our interests don't line up, you are too short, conversation didn't flow well, etc. Having a woman not like me is no big deal because somewhere north of 90% of the interactions don't work out anyway. Just want to know what happened to perhaps avoid the same problem again.
It's definitly rude to just block someone. I personally appriciate being told that it just did not work out, or that I just wasn't what the other person was looking for. That's how I do it myself. I'd only block someone if after I've made my position clear, the other person would still "stalk" me. Never had to do that though.
I used tinder not for dating but for new friends. And it really worked. I found a japanese friend, we met and I liked her from the first moment. Even now we are still in contact (We met in 2014) She is japanese but wanted to learn German and go to a university in German so we spoke to each other in german and japanese. Haha this is one of my favourite stories when talking about my exchange year in Japan ❤️
My girlfriend is American and I'm Japanese. We currently live in Germany. We moved to Germany without jobs and all but found our way to make it here. Since we are non German, we cannot say anything about dating scene in Germany specifically but in a city where we live, we see many Asian male-European female couples quite often. But back in the day, dating scene between Asian man and western woman was not as common that people literally told me Asian guys were not their type because of stereotypes. I'm curious what's happening in our recent society. As long as a guy loves you and is a great fit for you then why not right
Well previously only white men went after Asian women for the exotic factor. Asian men were very Xenophobic and would rarely go for outside of race. But things have changed with Asian men becoming more open so we see lots of Asian man-foreign women couples.
Im Jealous the fact that she wants to stay in Japan and maybe a foreigner can’t keep up and adapt wile she’s the the tough cookie 🍪 nom forgive me for that is frustrating to see. Manliness sucks
Sam, as a happily married man who is probably older that your father, I would say that instead of blocking someone, the best thing to say in rejecting someone is, "You are a nice person but the chemistry did not work out." So much of love and attraction is based on pheromones, chemical scents that fly under the radar of our conscious senses. Of course it also leads to a lot of impulsive behavior, which is why filtering apps are good.
Great vocabulary in there. ‘Can you speak English for me’ cracked me up. I can imagine the squeal of excitement from hearing English. 🙄 Interesting video even though I’ve been married for years.
Great interesting video! Regarding the blocking vs declining, I think overall formally declining is better to do but you need to do it in a nice way. Blocking leaves so many questions up in the air and can be seen as more rude because the person did not bother spending the extra few minutes writing back a rejection message and instead took "the easy way out" of a relationship. If you saw them again it would be hella awkward.
If I was blocked, I'd assume she somehow saw me as a threat, not just her being rude. A non-specific "it wasn't a match for me" conveys the correct message. Save a block for guys who ignore such a message and continue attempting to communicate about another date.
A friend of mine just texted me about your video that you mentioned about my 1:35 DIY YUKATA class. Thank you! I learned new Japanese here 😂 Enjoy Dating in Tokyo!
Really enjoyed this one. I feel like many foreigners in Japan are under the impression that Tinder is a very dangerous thing here, but I have been on quite a few dates through that app and never had an unpleasant experience where something uncalled for happened. Agreed that many times it ends up being boring, but this is just life in general - most people are just not right for us. A couple of my dates left both me and the person slightly interested but no second date followed. After a couple of dates the person was interested but not me. In January 2020 for the first time I actually got into a "situationship" with someone I met off Tinder, but then had to cut it off as he wanted to stay single. Then finally I met my current partner in October 2020 when I was almost ready to leave that app for good, and we ended up moving in together quite fast. So as a conclusion, I think it would be safe to say that there are all kinds of people on Tinder in Japan, possible also those who might be dangerous. It helps to have a strong ability to tell normal people from those who don't mean well. I think it's an important skill even outside of that app.
Instead of "I don't like you" just a simple apologetic "Doesn't look like we are a good match, but I enjoyed meeting you. Best of luck" I agree that it feels like you are putting them down and you don't want to hurt their feelings.
its OK to say I dont like you...its better to express your response clearly and quickly to the people you dont like in order to save time and misunderstanding for each .dont force japanese way to foreigner especially in choosing the opposite sex friend .your advice may be so perilous. I am a Korean living in Tokyo.
So this girl makes perfectly edited videos on very interesting topics and she's drop dead gorgeous but she only has 32k subs while Logan Paul is still going strong? Humans are weird weird beings!
When I was in Tokyo I used Tinder. I found an handsome and nice Israeli guy living in Tokyo as well. We chatted for a whole night and then I asked him out. He was"Yes of course, but I am about to leave for 2 weeks to my country, so we will meet once I will come back!". Once there he found out that he lost his scholarship at the university he was attending in Tokyo. So he had to attend the university in his country and we never met! But some times we still text each other and we are friends. I have a Japanese boyfriend now and he has a Japanese girlfriend😊 Maybe it was never ment to become a love affair but just a friendship
i think it's more rude to block or ghost someone than just tell them you're just not interested. i would love to hang out with you, but i live in california 😭 hoping to visit when we get vaccinated
You had me at the dating apps dont work "THE END" I was rollin! 🤣 but, no seriously its just a matter of finding the right person which can take some time. You got this. ✌🏾🍀
Frohes Neues Jahr, Sam. Ich verfolge gelegentlich deine Videos (wenn ich Zeit dazu finde), aber bisher ist mir anscheinend immer entgangen, dass du Halb-Deutsche bist. Wollte nur sagen : mach weiter so. Deine Videos sind unterhaltend, informativ und gut umgesetzt. Grüße aus Deutschland :)
I’ve been in a committed relationship with my now husband for 13 years. I have no reason to watch this but it was super interesting to hear about your experiences 😆 You’ll find the right guy eventually ❤️
I began talking to a Japanese man on twitter and we met when I was in Tokyo. He was very nice, but I was with my friends and we went somewhwre and he practically RAN. Then we were in a bookstore and he was glued onto me like a wet towel. It was really off putting. Well in the end I told him that I saw a friend in Tokyo, who I had dated before and fell in love with and that I didn't want any contact with him anymore. (It wasn't a lie sadly) At first he was okay with that but then he wrote me a loveletter to Germany saying he wanted to marry me and sent me an insanely expensive necklace (which I didn't keep of course). In the end I had to block him because he wouldn't let me alone. Also I think telling someone after a date that you are not so into them in a nice way is totally better than just blocking them. I find that super rude. Except if they're creepy or won't leave you alone. Though I can imagine that Japanese people have a different preference? But then it's totally okay after the omiai to say that they don't want to meet again. So yeah... Dating Japanese man as a foreigner is always difficult and risky because so many just want a trophy girlfriend or wife...
I'm wondering if having an exact set of likes/dislikes can actually put people at risk of missing out instead of helping them. Every guy I've dated was different than what I had pictured as my exact 'type' and they've been great regardless. Sometimes what we think we need may not necessarily be what we need. Good luck with your searches, Sam! You are a super girl and I am sure good things will come your way. And maybe the days when you can go out and meet people the traditional way won't be that far ahead. :)
I think the best way to end something like that is just saying we aren't compatible or that you just don't see this working long term rather hear that then silence, I think as a man that haunts me more not knowing why things didn't work out rather than just being honest and getting no response.
I think I commented on a similar video of yours about dating. I recommend once again to try dating people that are already your friends or people you're already acquainted with. Of course, if you find someone along the way that you think you might like, try them as well. I think the whole dating app scene does more harm than good. Go with a more natural/spontaneous approach.
Lol that was so insightful actually its really interesting to hear how someone's experiences are there when you're foreigner, good luck thou I'm sure you'll find someone there
On the question: its more rude to me if she'd block me especially after a date... just say it but dont make it personal. Just say you didnt feel a click/felt like it didnt match but that he was really nice or something. Dont make it too personal as in I didnt like x and x.
Been doing dating in Japan too. From my knowledge, I believe ノリがいい comes from or is similar to のりのり or even 波に乗る so someone who gets along with other well and can go with the flow in groups
Dating in Japan is such a funny experience, I had enough of them XD Some ended up being friends tho, which is nice too haha Your experience with people who can speak perfect English, I had it too!! I actually liked those but never got anywhere lol I'm also for letting the person know you're not interested, I did that several times and it was fine, except once the person was still contacting me every single time they were drunk and I had to block them in the end because this had no end... Congrats on the sponsor, btw!!
@@SamInTokyoo I did!! I also met someone else before him, also IRL, when drinking outside with friends, but it didn't get anywhere in the end even though we liked each other. I feel like it's the same as dating online, just that online you meet up with so many more people that you feel like there are much more misses than IRL 🤔
Happy New Year! Good luck and fun with the dating!! Haven't been single long enough in the dating app era, so never used them for myself BUT so interesting to watch... like I I'm living those experiences through friends and now here 😂 The other side is always interesting....
Is definetely more rude to block someone Sam hahaha, just tell the guy in a cordial and respctful way that you didn't like him, if he is mature enough he will understand, if he is a kid he will get mad. I love your videos, you speak Japanese so good and you made me release that it's not impossible to learn it,greetings from a colombian guy living in Russia hahaha
I'm pretty sure the guys with 420 on the dating apps are looking to sell weed and just use "dating" as a coverup edit: Okay that disneyland announcer thing had me rolling xDDD
I can confirm that looking at Japanese women's Tinder profiles is very odd. When everything shut down last year and Tinder allowed everyone to use the passport feature for free I set my location to random places in Japan. Over 80% of the profiles either had some weird photograph angle that only showed part of the girl's face like their lower left cheek or they censored their faces out with a book, animal, emojis, or even an actual mosaic censorship. I've seen so many profiles of people that have been to Machu Picchu that I started to swipe left on them no matter how I felt about them. I can't do the three day rule thing. I would message people within a couple of hours after seeing them letting them know I had a good time. I will say that I appreciate it more when someone will say that they just aren't into me. I'll get the hint when someone doesn't reply, but I just feel like it's not courteous and that we're both adults and I can understand if someone doesn't like me. When I get no reply I feel like I'm being treated like a child that an adult doesn't want to talk to. I'm not saying I want the reasons laid out in XYZ to me, because that could be kind of hard to take. Just more of a, "I'm not really into you," type of thing is enough to give me closure, not hurt my feelings, and also treat me with respect. You'll get a man eventually. It takes time to find a good person.
They put those kind of pictures because they want hookups, but they don't want to be seen by someone they know on those kind of apps, because hookups are still looked down upon in Japan.
Personally, I find it more rude if someone just blocks me. But if I were dating in a foreign country, I'd probably ask a few natives what they prefer. I wouldn't be surprised if in some cultures, telling someone “no“ in such a direct way is impolite and blocking is actually preferred.
Two actually good reasons to not show the face: You simply just don’t want to get judged already and wanna start a conversation first and then based on that decide if you wanna meet or not. First looks can mislead a lot. Keep in mind that meeting a person in real life usually gives you a longer amount of time to decide wether you like that person or not but if you see a picture of them online first, you might get a wrong impression already and swipe away because of that. So I understand the pressure of choosing a good photo. You simply wanna keep your dating life private, so you wanna avoid any chance to be seen by friends or family and that doesn’t even need to have a bad reason, just for pure privacy because you don’t want that people talk about it because it might have an impact on you which you wanna avoid - especially in the beginning. That’s probably not how the majority thinks but on the other hand - who wants to date the majority, right?
I agree with the others. Blocking someone instead of letting them know that you are not interested sucks. It's extremely frustrating. It seems to be normal, but it sucks. Ist nicht böse gemeint, aber es ist wirklich extrem frustrierend in der Luft zu hängen, wenn man Interesse hat und nicht weiß wo man dran ist. Viele Grüße aus der Heimat und danke für deine Videos :)
I definitely had other ideas when you said footwork o.o' I got really lucky because I'm still dating my first Tinder date! But I remember automatically swiping left on men with empty profiles or emoji-only profiles. I was also way too nervous to eat anything, but I had expected that to happen so we didn't go to a restaurant for our date. Also yeah, honesty above blocking. Not to outright say "I didn't like you" but more like "I don't see this going anywhere but thank you and good luck."
20:24 You could simply say that you didn't feel any vibe or any chemistry so you don't think there is gonna be any future if you both continue. Blocking is way harsher because you leave the other person second-guessing what wrong they did that you blocked them. Be courteous and honest. Saves everyone a lot of pain and anxiety.
On the rejection thing: I'd say it depends on the person, I prefer 100% to be told in my face, even if it's not good, tell it to my face. I appreciate honesty & facts above feelings. I've actually rejected several girls, I was direct, but did it as nicely as possible, I was clear though: never was going to happen anything between us. I've been rejected too, that is perfectly fine. If the person doesn't reply, yeah...I get the message :).
I've never dated in Japan because I moved here with my husband BUT a Japanese guy once followed me for about 10 minutes. Once he got up the courage to speak to me, I told him I was married to a man with access to big guns (military) and he ran away. That probably wasn't the nicest thing to say but he was really creeping me out.
I have been dating a lot in 2019 and the year before, also on Tinder and Pairs xD And there is an App called "With" which is similar to Pairs, if you want to check it out. I met a lot of weird people on these apps. And yes, I had to block some of them too, after getting messages for a couple of months from them, without even replying ^^" One guy just disappeared in the middle of the date, telling me he needs to go to the toilet. I waited quite a while and he never came back ... ^^ I hope you find someone. I met my bf around one year ago on one of those apps.
5:30 This is an interesting thing I see in dating apps on America's. Almost all of the Asian girls post no photos or one bad photo and as little info as the app will allow. No photos is rare since it's against the rules for the apps I use. I'm not specifically looking for an Asian girl though so of course I have lots of other profiles to browse.
I can see how some really attractive people might use this technique to filter out those only interested in looks. But, the lack of a detailed profile suggests something else is going on. Perhaps cultural, or limited English skills to fully understand/answer profile questions.
Hey, great video! I've been a foreign student here in Japan for just two months and I've only been to one date which was kinda disappointing. :( I find it difficult with the dating apps, I have tinder and pairs and use both of them, but like you said, it is easy to get matches, but very few of those people actually text u or care to meet you. But I learned some useful stuff from your video, thank u! Good luck finding your person! P.S. I think it's better to block sb or just to stop replying
I don't know enough about Japan but there seems to be a common problem with lacking self confidence. Which is what Sam is experiencing with these men. I'm guessing this is due to the pressure of high societal/parental expectations. Or, parents not spending enough time with their kids due to work culture.
Would not say that in general, but when it comes to dating foreign girls yeah. Mainly comes down to height, most foreign girls are around the same height as most japanese men 165-170 so they already feel kinda intimitated by that and second of all foreign women tend to be a lot more outgoing and confident then japanese women which is literally the quite opposite of japanese women. Most japanese girls try to behave more cute and be more child like and make them self look more stupid on purpose which is not the case in the west. So for japanese guys this can be really intimitating which is why so many seem to lack self confidence when it comes to foreign girls,because they do not know how to approach them , the normal japanese approach does not work you know
As a guy, I would rather hear a "no thank you" than hearing nothing at all, but Japanese men might feel differently. I've traveled to Japan a few times, and I match on Bumble with several girls, but Bumble is designed so that the girls send the first message so nothing ever begins haha. Moving to Tokyo next year for work, so maybe our paths will cross.
Listen, don't be ashamed about a little yellow fever. To hell with what people think! You are young. live your life and be happy and scratch as many itches as you want before you hit the wall and your skin starts melting.
Interesting point about people not posting photos of themselves on these apps. As a guy, in my experience like 90% of Chinese/Japanese/Korean girls won't post photos pictures of themselves which I guess I can understand for privacy reasons but why even bother in that case?
The think sometimes is better to talk on the app a little bit before meeting so you get the vibe of the person and then when you finally meet you might have a more meaningful conversation past the small talk ~~~ It was a better interesting video nonetheless ^^
Mhh I generally think blocking someone should be the last step, if they really don't get it even when you told them directly. Have you tried to say some things like: "It just didn't click with you, sorry" ? Oder wie man im Deutschen gerne sagt: "Die Chemie hat einfach nicht gestimmt." Weiß nicht ob's da ein Äquivalent im Japanischen gibt(?) Wishing you more luck this year with dating in Japan :)
Fun video. By the way, you could just ignore someone or tell him that you are not interested and you are moving on to someone else instead of just blocking that person. It's kinda rude I think. Anyway, stay safe and keep doing your videos.
Hey :) Ich lebe selber seit mittlerweile 3 Jahren im Ausland und es ist echt schwierig eine emotionale Bindung mit jemandem aufzubauen solange man die Sprache nicht perfekt beherrscht. Aber Kopf hoch, irgendwann kommt diese eine Person. :)
for what it's worth, in the US, if you come from a foreign country, they want you to say something in your tongue all the time too, no matter how dumb it is. just the thought of the number of times I've been asked to say "ni hao?" makes me roll my eyes. that, or this kind of conversation: them: "c'mon say something in chinese! or...wait, do they speak chinese in taiwan? or is it like..tai...tai...taiwanian??" me: *blinks* ................ *walks away*
Sounds like a double-edge sword. Tokyo advantage 13 Million Population. Lots of dates for you. Disadvantage, people are very busy. I think you should ask your friend's friend for dates, or hang out at universities I guess .
Hi there Sam, RU-vid suggested this video, so I clicked it and watched it. Very Informative, thanks 😃 I know there are many foreign vloggers here in Japan, but I usually don't watch them.. so I was wondering why RU-vid suggested your video.. Perhaps because I'm also single and looking 😋... well not looking domestically at least.. I really didn't think Foreigner ladies were interested in dating Japanese men in Japan. I'm a Japanese guy (mid 50's) who is a fluent English speaker (I grew up in the US).... but I'm pretty sure you're not looking for an older guy like me 🤪 With the pandemic and all, my overseas "Dating" had been put on hold since early 2020. Anyways... I hope you succeed in your finding 🙂
Sam will probably never read this but is it okay to approach a woman whom you see that looks really attractive on the street and strike up a conversation, in Japan as a foreigner?
