Daughters of Passive Emotionally Unavailable Mothers

Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc

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#emotionalneglect #childhoodtrauma #codependencyrecovery #codependency Daughters of passive emotionally unavailable mothers and the cost to our mental health. If you are the daughter of a passive, emotionally unavailable mother, you have grown up feeling unseen, and unheard and most likely never learned to feel good enough.
In this RU-vid video about passive mothers, who are emotionally unavailable, you will learn about some of the consequences of growing up with a mother who emotionally neglected you. Was your mother a martyr? Did she cater to your domineering father? Would you consider your mother codependent? Did you sense your mother was jealous of you?
Daughters of passive mothers who are emotionally neglectful grow up unable to speak their truth. We lack boundaries and don't know how to live empowered lives. As adults, if we do not break the cycle of dysfunction in our families, sadly we pass along codependent traits to our children.
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Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping adult children from toxic homes heal the abandonment wounds responsible for codependent, narcissistic relationship dynamics. In 2020 she was voted the #1 most Influential Person of the Year by Digital Journal, and voted one of the Top Ten Most Inspirational Women of 2021. In 2022, she was voted one of the Top 30 Female Entrepreneurs To Look Out For by Entrepreneurs Herald. Her books Codependency Manifesto, and Codependent Now What? It's Not You -- It's Your Programming, have been voted two of the best books on codependency of all time. In February of 2021, she was voted one of the Top Mental Health Experts to watch by Yahoo Finance. In March of 2021, USA Today voted her book Codependent Now What, one of the top 20 must-reads for anyone looking to upgrade their personal and professional lives. Her podcast Breakdown to Breakthrough is a consistent top 100 broadcast on mental health issues. Actors from the hit movie WAVES credited Lisa during an LA Times interview, for helping them prepare for their roles as children of narcissistic parents, spiraling out of control due to toxic family relationships. Her work reaches millions of viewers each month via her RU-vid channel with nearly 600K subscribers. Her flagship program, The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program, has helped thousands of wounded adult children awaken their consciousness. Her passion for helping other wounded adult children stems from her codependency recovery journey. Lisa's understanding of generational trauma helped her recognize familial dysfunction as a form of subconscious programming that is passed along to future generations. Her desire to spare her three children from the faulty subconscious programs that ruled her life gave her the courage to end her toxic marriage and face her low self-worth, abandonment issues, and codependency traits head-on. Today she is happily married to her husband Anthony and is a sought-after expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery.
To learn more, visit www.lisaaromano.com
Thanks for watching Daughters of Passive Emotionally Unavailable Mothers with Lisa A. Romano
#emotionalneglect #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfhelp #selfhealing #selfesteem #daughtersofnarcissisticmothers #codependencyrecovery

Опубликовано:

9 окт 2022

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Комментарии : 1,3 тыс.

@GingerMarcel Год назад

This is my mom 💯 She never hugged me when I was upset. I was taught that my strong feelings were unimportant. No hugs, no relating, completely ignored me. She mirrored my father’s disappointing attitude towards me, she completely left me emotionally during my 20s when I was finding myself when I needed her the most.

@Mrs-qj3bm 8 месяцев назад

This was me as well 😢

@nancybartley4610 7 месяцев назад

@gingermarcel: I can seriously relate to "she completely left me emotionally during my 20s." My mom's indifference became more and more obvious as I aged. I have had the hardest time accepting this and struggle with guilt, blaming myself for being a bad daughter. You are right that we find ourselves needing our mothers more, not less when we were emotionally neglected as children. I am convinced this need correlates directly to the our mom's deficiency of interest in us as kids. We were an obligation and a burden. We were lucky she felt obligated enough to feed and cloth us. But the result is she kept us alive to later abandon us unprepared to cope with the adult world. We still need her to be there. We are the baby birds that fall out of the nest and sit helplessly on the ground still expecting Mom to feed us. It is a shame producing situation.

@lucysalinas9619 6 месяцев назад

My mom is the same 😢

@Truthseeker-kc8rd 6 месяцев назад

I feel you. My first hug as an adult was with my friends at 22.

@rizzacaasalan9606 5 месяцев назад

this is me right now😢

@prairiemomof2 Год назад

You are dropping solid truths. I don’t know if you mentioned that we also tend to develop chronic illnesses as a result of swallowing all these unprocessed emotions. May we all find healing.

@erinjean9971 Год назад

When I talk to my parents about my chronic pain, I get, “I know you like to complain”. All I wanted is, “I’m sorry, that sucks honey”. No emotion, I forget to stop telling them things.

@jessyjoyful Год назад

True 💯

@hoppincin Год назад

Amen

@hoppincin Год назад

@@erinjean9971 same here. People don’t take me serious

@docbainl9504 Год назад

I got sexually abused at 14. Two years later was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes the first in my entire bloodline over 50 people to get it. I 1000 percent believe it was from the trauma I suffered. I now also have graves disease hyperthyroidism, polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis and goitre. I'm 34 and healthy but they're all from generational trauma. Every bit of trauma I buried came back in the form of a chronic disease. I'm doing much better though now 3 months no contact with my mother and yes she's still with the abuser. She came to my house uninvited last week and I sent my husband out to deal with her. She basically said to him no one but you believes her. 😂 isn't that lovely. Even though your pervert partner abused me 20 years ago I've found healing. I don't need to convince her or anyone that doesn't believe me. My cousin believes me my husband believes me and thats all that matters to me. ❤ love you my thriving survivors.

@AutumnJen Год назад

In a lot of ways, I'm angrier at my mother for being so passive and not protecting me from my father. As a mom, I feel like protecting my children is job one.

@lisaaromano1 Год назад

This is very true. And, it is fair. Do we blame the alcoholic, or the one who is sober and KNOWS what is happening? Hmm....

@pnutbuttajelly1049 Год назад

my father drank a lot when I was growing up. My mother was so passive and it still makes me angry

@stephanyhalo592 Год назад

Same here! I basically wrote the same comment as you. Your inner child was and still is worthy of protection, just like your babies are 💗

@Diarrheagod Год назад

I was molested by my stepdad. And now that I’m older I believed my mom knew something was going on, but she resents me and says my stepdad and I must have a thing for eachother…making it seem like it was my fault…even though I was only a small child. This angers me so much. I’ve gotten into bad fights when she was drinking (she’s an alcoholic) and I’ve told her my stepdad is a pedophile. She acts like I never said anything. She refuses to acknowledge it. She doesn’t want to deal with the guilt and shame.

@OffTheWagons Год назад

Yes, this is exactly what made me resent her my entire life.

@dgvfsa66 9 месяцев назад

I had the opposite reaction. After years of seeing my mother act like a 3 year old, I was so disgusted that I vowed never to be anything like her. I made my own money, I owned my own home, and I owned my own car. If anyone had to leave a bad situation....it wasn't me. I will never be dependent on a man for anything.

@annieno1 5 месяцев назад

Same here. I am not willing to be dependent on anyone. Not a parent, not another relative, not a partner.

@RS54321 Месяц назад

This strong independence is part of the symptomatology that she talked about.

@sharityjoy2427 3 месяца назад

The “This is what emotional unavailable mothers teach us, it makes no sense to complain”. I rlly agree on that

@g_aware_nerd Год назад

Co-dependent, passive emotionally unavailable maternal unit. You are nailing this. I understand from a left brain perspective why she is the way she is, but being an adult & unprepared for so many things can lead to anger and resentment, from a right brain perspective. In my feelings, I'm like "Why didn't you teach me how to deal with life?!?" even though there was no possible way for her to have done this. Huff.

@JacquelineParsel-pc9fs 7 месяцев назад

♥️

@LN-jr6nj 4 месяца назад

I feel this way too

@tabithabates244 День назад

I relate to this so hard. This is exactly how I feel. It’s difficult. Does your mother change the subject too if you bring up anything with her or cry to try and manipulate you into shutting up?

@joyceloveless7305 Год назад

I recall clearly discussing some traumatic event at school with my mother when I was about 10 and she listened intently then said "Hmmmmmm...well...can you go set the table for dinner?" LOL. My mother was very sweet but seemed like she just didn't want to get too involved in her children's lives....too messy.

@RS54321 Год назад

Wow, she just couldn't deal with that level of emotion, it seems. I remember going through a period of intense bullying at school and one evening while making dinner my mom said, without turning around to look at me, 'maybe it is true' (what the other kids were saying about me). It cut like a knife, and I again realized how truly alone I was in that home.

@yuppers1 Год назад

My mom would tell me to stop talking nonsense when I tried to tell her my hopes and dreams for the future. :( It seems that when it's her issue we all (the whole family) needed to hear about it but our issues don't matter. It's probably for the best since what she did learn about us she turned around on us.

@annieb8521 Год назад

Wow I completely understand,that is so sad. My mother was such a gentle soul,but when I really needed her she wasn't availlable, and that created anger in me because it just dint make sense! My mother was already emotionally drained because my father took all her energy,she had nothing else to give,my father would be jealous if she was with us,she had to be all his!

@KymmaL Год назад

So so so true. I tried to tell my mum once that when I was 16, I was being sexually harassed at school by this boy.... she said. " well in 10 years the planet will blow up and we will all be dead." That was the Point I realised....I'm on my own.

@RS54321 Год назад

@@KymmaL wow, totally dismissing your feelings!!

@questioneverything7582 Год назад

Yup. My parents are now over 75, and my passive mother stayed with my covert narcissist father thru all the cheating, emotional abuse, lies, etc. She made sure I knew about all his girlfriends, made sure I knew how much hurt he caused, but then when I hated him, she'd tell me I was wrong because "he's still your father". WTF? I was 11 years old when my younger brother and I made prank phone calls to his first girlfriend because it's all we could think to do at that age. Sick. She's tried to make me responsible for her happiness for years, but with your help, I've come to understand that's wrong, and I'm not responsible for it. Thank you. I don't know how I didn't marry my father, but I didn't. My husband is wonderful and kind. I have firm boundaries with my parents now, and try to stay as far away as possible for my own mental health.

@sandrazawada5316 Год назад

Good for you! You are a blessed lady!

@carnivoreisbetter Год назад

Yeah they make us responsible for their happiness

@TinaLouise73 Год назад

I got the blame for all the family problems and even a child psychologist told me i was the one who CAUSED all the rows abuse etc! The adoptive parents were evil and abusive and i got cast out once golden child blue eyed boy wonder grandson came along n literally jumped into my grave 😐

@StrenghtAndFreedom Год назад

Both are toxic! Of course its wrong and sick, its all their fault. So glad to hear you escaped from that hell. Lucky you.

@oOIIIMIIIOo Год назад

The boomer generation.

@sandrazawada5316 Год назад

The problem is our children are damaged by our dysfunction. So sad!

@MONEYAINTATHANG100 Год назад

A1C...

@lorienstringer8898 Год назад

I was always so sad and agitated inside, this made me not want to have kids. I have one whose 15 now. I feel guilty because I doubt myself for all the reasons in this video.

@shellieperry4516 Год назад

@@lorienstringer8898 Every day the only thing I can do is give myself GRACE . That helps me to enjoy my child Now. Grace also helps me view the past more gently for my own heart which in turn helps my child by having a mama who is present 🕊️♥️🌅

@rumham7466 11 месяцев назад

Wow. You saying this is huge. My mother would NEVER. Even the night I came in screaming from a trauma she yelled at me for being loud as I was screaming. And a year and a half later she still is the victim if I even ask something simple like if she’s only washing a handful of clothing can she set the washer to medium and not high. Until the day she leaves this plane of existence she will be the victim. Anyway, a hug for your self awareness 🖤

@notsheepish8304 Год назад

I had an emotionally unavailable mom and a partially available alcoholic dad. I was my own emotional support. I've never had a happy, successful adult relationship.

@carnivoreisbetter Год назад

😢😢

@yogawithoutagenda Год назад

Yet.... 🌺

@OffTheWagons Год назад

Same here

@hereweare9173 Год назад

Me too!

@beautifulsoul1438 Год назад

Your not alone.. I finally find people who I can relate to, and warms my heart knowing that I am not the problem. I was just a product of my environment. But as I become more aware of why I am the way I am, we progress. 🙏🏽✨

@Anonymous-cl2es Год назад

Being passive emotionally unavailable is a generational curse with the women in our family. I never realized this until now. My mom was this way, my grandmother was this way and my mom's sister was this way 😔 when I started living my own life is when my mom started "hating" me and now I now why. So sad!

@infomagnat 10 месяцев назад

You're not alone in this trust me.

@linhuang5267 10 месяцев назад

It’s so strange for a mother to hate her own daughter because her daughter marries a normal husband, right? I felt so shocked when my mother showed envy to me for the first time. She also tried to teach my husband how to be narcissistic!

@kimberlymarie3651 10 месяцев назад

@@linhuang5267I don't think it matters who you marry , a narcissist mother will hate/ envy you no matter what your circumstances are. My narcissist mother hates or envious of me when I ended up married to a narcissist at 17 , then divorced him and have been on my own doing well for myself and my narcissist mother has hated me through it all. I'm now 60 and my mother's abuse has gotten worse the older she gets.

@Dreamer12498 4 месяца назад

Yes it’s the whole bunch of man and women in relatives my mother my grandmother then I realized my aunts oh god it’s crazy I left all

@jeanclaireagudo1884 Месяц назад

Wow, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one going through this.

@bygrace8485 Год назад

My father was physically abusive for most of my childhood. In my flashbacks I can never see my mom in the room, I don’t know where she was when this was happening. But at the end of my “punishment” when I was bawling into my pillow, she would try to comfort me and always say, “ hunny, your father loves you.”….. BARFFF!!

@Ikr2025 Год назад

Which is just more abuse - gaslighting you and a complete denial of reality :(

@Ghst-qo1ic Год назад

My narc mom can top that. She would tell my dad exaggerated stories of how I misbehaved and that I was out of control and defying her. When it was more like I was a normal kid with needs that were going wildly unmet. He had a wooden paddle he would beat me like a rented mule. After he would leave, she would come in where I was sobbing in my pillow, and try to be the "good" parent by saying "he shouldn't be so hard on you" talk about barf. I would tell her to go away ( her phoneyness was repelling ) and then she could give a sigh of relief because *i* am the one pushing my parents away. I went through the sickest mindfuck. I'm 39 and it's so hard. This trauma is so devastating. It affects every aspect of your social life forever. I wouldn't wish a set of bad parents on anyone

@Ikr2025 Год назад

@@Ghst-qo1ic sorry to hear you went through that abuse as a child. I hope you find strength & peace in your life.

@Ghst-qo1ic Год назад

@@Ikr2025 Thank you for your kindness, Stellaria. I hope I can too.

@viktoriyaoneil2006 Год назад

@@Ghst-qo1ic , So sorry for your childhood experience. It breaks my heart for you. Sending you love and hugs. Take care of yourself and your children. 🤗❤️

@kimfinnagan5809 7 месяцев назад

This video is exactly what I needed today. It has opened my eyes and lessens my guilt. My mother is exactly as you describe. I’ve done a lot of work on myself but I find my anger with my mom is a valid reaction. She has never been there when it counted. She recently admitted being jealous of my good relationship with my two daughters-she has always tried to interfere and has caused damage. But to everyone outside she is so amazing and loving. I’m sad and am seeking counselling for this. I feel like I want to cut her off but I worry about her.

@rhondaradench7013 Год назад

My mom was a kind and gentle woman with no sense of self worth or financial independence even though she worked full-time for most of her life. In her era divorce was a dirty word and couples stuck it out because there were really no other financial choices. How do you leave an emotionally distant,violent alcoholic man who probably had severe post-war PTSD when that disorder didn’t even have a name or recognized treatment at the time? I wonder how many other daughters have observed with profound sadness how their moms have found a way to leave unresolvable situations by internalizing their grief and despair into cancer or other illnesses to escape their reality? My mom’s premature death at age 56 years taught me to never abandon myself. Thank you Mom.

@MrsRexLover Год назад

If we can honor our parents in any way at all, it will be to learn from their mistakes and not perpetuate the generational curses that can persist without self-awareness.

@ameliel8792 Год назад

Wow thank you for acknowledging that illnesses like cancer can absolutely be caused by unbearable emotions. This needs to be openly discussed.

@elizabethevans6980 Год назад

My brother developed cancer and told me that he knows exactly what situation and circumstance caused it to occur. I pray for your grieving the loss of your mother. My mother passed in 2017, and it is truly difficult because I miss her so much.

@mrodgers3910 Год назад

@@ameliel8792 There's a book called "When the Body Says No" that addresses this. I read it quite a few years back, but it really resonated with me. Recommended!

@truthseeker321 Год назад

Poor mother ...

@SheriCheri94 Год назад

By the time I came along my mother had lived a life full of disappointments, tragedies, and trauma. Growing up with a single mother with these attributes was hard. She was EXTREMELY emotionally unavailable, and distant. I feel so guilty for being angry with her or even sharing this comment because she was still a good person. She never sexually or physically abused me, I had clean clothes, and all the basic necessities. She never let a man anywhere near me. And she always helped me with the homework she could help me with. But yeah I was so alone growing up. And as a teenager I was like a mercenary. Always fighting for others, always over giving to others, always was there for others. Because deep down I was displaying the behavior I wanted. This was a beautiful video. Thank you for sharing your experiences and validating us whom is attempting to work through this truth. Ase.

@Anonymous-cl2es Год назад

I love this ❤🙏🏽

@mayra20ful 10 месяцев назад

Oh my goodness, You just described my life. I am 27 years old and it still hurts..

@caroldraper5017 2 месяца назад

I had a mother like that. When I was 13 I was crying one day because I didn’t have friends. This was back in the fifties. My mother said “Why would you want friends?” I slapped her hard on the shoulder, then left and walked around town for an hr. Or so. She never said a word about it. Ever!

@ripleysw Месяц назад

The same here!

@aliciabisso Год назад

My mother was a “victim” of my narcissistic father, so my obligation as a 11 child was to take care of my three younger siblings. Now, I’m 49 years old, and she’s still under my father thumb and I’m the bad daughter to blame. This year I went zero contact with all of them; I got tired of the criticism, the un validation, the guilt and the manipulation she exercise in behave of my father. Their responsibility as a family is NOT mine.

@mer7443 Год назад

I can totally relate to you. It was very difficult for me to accept this. But I’m so glad I am slowly able to see the truth and distance myself as well. Thank you for sharing. I hope everything goes well and I wish you nothing but the best because you deserve to be happy!

@itskylanotkayla Год назад

I completely relate to this! I’m currently in beginning 0 contact and it’s so liberating yet so difficult. I’m really enjoying my life and learning to be present!

@Nikki30288 Год назад

So relatable.

@samme1024 Год назад

My mother is completely attached to my abusive narcissistic father. I am disabled and have been living with them the last 4 1/2 years as an adult because I cannot work. After a few traumatic events last month (don't need to go into details), I realize I must move out and go no contact. They will never be able to meet me halfway. They will never be accountable for what they have done. They will always try to make me look like the bad one when they commit a crime against me or others that I find out about. I can't take it anymore. I look forward to building a healthier life with people who are transparent and healthy and honest.

@Nuverselive Год назад

Same here. I’m 6 years no contact and I’ve never been at peace more then I am now ❤

@2ndChanceAtLife Год назад

Only 5 minutes into this and it's almost more than I can comprehend. I have brutal C- PTSD primarily from how I learned to be a doormat by watching my mother.

@ankeenbeertje1981 2 месяца назад

😢 I feel you❤

@LAMM117 Год назад

Oh god yes! I watched my mother cater to my father, whom you never knew what mood he would be in, and then pretend nothing was happening while I'm over here walking on eggshells, feeling all these things, and her acting as if nothing is happening. It really caused me to not trust myself.

@LAMM117 Год назад

She was so emotionally unavailable I clung to my father, which was JUST as harmful. Nothing was EVER talked about even to this day.

@Kate-ms5js Год назад

Yes!! She acted like nothing was happening!! Blinders. Really makes you doubt yourself…

@myfairhousewife Год назад

This. This. This. My stepdad would do things to me that were inappropriate right in front of her and she would laugh it off and if it upset me, she would tell me I was overly sensitive. It struck a chord with me when there was multiple incidents with another male adult at Our church who would kiss me while my stepdad held me, and would hold me down and let this man kiss me on the face and lips. In front of other adults!!!! No one did a thing even though I cried and cried and cried. I hated it.

@rturney6376 Год назад

I am so 😢 sorry for your abuse in a Church setting none the less!!! 😢

@phabulous1614 Год назад

@@myfairhousewife Girl, I’m so sorry! Get safe, be safe and stay safe! I’m so angry for you!

@Deroliebe 4 месяца назад

I realized the other day that I can’t remember the last time my mom held me when I cried. When Ukrainian war happened I freaked and got rightfully upset at all the dead children (we still have family there) and she… told me to calm down. I suffer from depression (surprise, surprise) and my mom thinks it’s a fake illness born from “boredom. A few days ago, I was having a breakdown and I called her for comfort and she said “I’m having a long work day and I don’t need to hear this.” That was it. I’m 35 and that was it. They’re traveling through and I’m letting them stay in my room (I have two roommates) but I stopped calling them weekly. I listen to them complain about work, about each other about the same mistake over… and over again and the one day I needed a parent they abandoned me? Yeah. I won’t be calling them except for holidays. That was the final, tiniest of tiniest of straws.

@ginakilby1777 Год назад

Im currently in middle of divorce from an almost 40 year marriage from my very controlling manipulative narc spouse! Im setting myself FREE!!! Thank you for all you share!

@ponytail911 Год назад

You go Gina. Don’t look back ❤

@christinalw19 Год назад

Wow! God Bless you!! Not easy. Be safe, OK? 😘🙏🏼🕊

@ShibbysVideos Год назад

God bless you Gina!🙏❤🙌 Same but 26 years for me. You're stronger than you know and you deserve so much better!! 💞

@cynthiaroper3127 Год назад

Stay safe. I divorced after 44+ years. God bless you!

@questioneverything7582 Год назад

Yeah, exactly. My mother stayed married to my Covert father, and would always try to tell people he wasn't the person they all saw and that he was the complete opposite at home. No one believed her and thought he was "the nicest guy". Fast forward to 3 years ago when I started working for my father's "friend" (they don't have real friends), and I realized this employer was the EXACT same person as my father ....covert narcissist with ALL the traits, I tried to explain it to my mother that he was just like the disgusting person I grew up with, and she tells me "Oh no, that can't be true. He's the nicest guy!" Wow.

@tinanelson9505 Год назад

This video really resonated with me. Especially the part of the unseen jealousy and anger my mom has towards me. Everyone sees her as an angel but she only reveals her dark side towards me. My now husband noticed it immediately and directly said to me that she is jealous of me and very cunning. That felt like both a relief and punch in the gut. I wasn’t wrong in how I secretly always felt. A trifling example. Just recently she told my brother that she missed me and wanted to visit me for my birthday. So she started arranging phone calls and visitation through him. She wouldn’t call me directly. But she posed as the doting and loving mom who missed her daughter to my brother. I had to stand my ground and tell my brother to not get involved in a matter between a mom and daughter. I’m the horrible angry spazz with mental problems once again. Earthly mother still hasn’t called and now wounded brother and mom bonding over how horrible I am. I choose to no longer have this toxicity a part of my life but feel too guilty and ashamed to follow through. I have to choose what’s best for me irregardless.

@sm3296 Год назад

Stay strong, you will be a great mom when you have kids because of this.

@PaperMario64 11 месяцев назад

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this mess. I like that you set a boundary with your brother. Don’t feel bad for doing so. Eventually, he’ll find out the truth. The best way to deal with narcissistic people is to not show emotion or react, because that’s what they want. Whatever way she’s painting you to your brother, be sure to do the opposite. Don’t allow her to win by playing into her hands.

@lindamorris525 11 месяцев назад

This sounds SO much like my family. Each situation is different, but I encourage you to stay away from the toxicity. It's normal to want to have a relationship with your mother and brother. It's uncomfortable when people ask about my family and I tell them we don't talk. However, I'm a better person for no longer playing their toxic games. I'm able to take better care of myself and that makes me a better wife and mother. Be strong and of good courage!

@tinanelson9505 11 месяцев назад

@@sm3296 thank you!

@tinanelson9505 11 месяцев назад

@@PaperMario64 thank you so much for your wise advice 🙏🤗

@ErumEhmad20 Год назад

The upside of having a passive emotionally unvailable mom, after I did my own healing, I can see women beyond their masks who are just like my mom. And that is a blessing 🙌 🙏 ✨️

@rturney6376 Год назад

❤ Excellent 🎉

@5bkgirl Год назад

So true!

@emilyknowlton8602 Год назад

The " Live, Love, Laugh" signs and perfect family Christmas photos with matching sweaters. Trying hard to show the world how happy they are.

@BarbaraFearnley Год назад

How did you heal ? X

@rturney6376 Год назад

@@BarbaraFearnley consider Alan-on to start. 🙏🌻💕

@edl6398 Год назад

You are so phenomenal. I’ve never heard such a succinct description of this type of mother. It’s incredibly liberating to listen to. I am 62 and although it’s late in my life to learn, I’m so grateful you speak this truth so I can be free.

@Anne--Marie Год назад

65 and in total agreement with you

@annieb8521 Год назад

We learn till our last breath, there is no age that is to late to learn,even though I relate maybe you wish you knew earlier what you are learning now,guess what me to and everyone else aswell.😉

@doreenwilliams9622 Год назад

63 and so much of this resonates with my mother, myself and my two sisters. The puzzle is still incomplete but the pieces are fall into place

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

@@doreenwilliams9622 keep working it out! Never Give Up on You!!

@jarkachalmovianska7812 5 месяцев назад

Its never too late...

@marciagregory7883 Год назад

You have explained my entire life. I will struggle, struggle, struggle, I just can’t ask for help. Then I resent people for not offering to help. I remember my attempt at 10 years old to have an important conversation with my mom, and just being dismissed. I never really tried again, I got the message that she did not want to hear about my feelings. Thanks for posting.

@ripleysw Месяц назад

Same here but I realized that with 6 years old. I never talked to her anymore, really talking! She left me gigantic traumas!!!!!!

@janethagen3385 Год назад

Wow, “Strumming my pain with your fingers, killing my life with your words.” So many things you said are spot on. My mom never had a mean bone in her body, which really messed with my head. I couldn’t put into words what the heck was wrong. My Dad was always very loving. My mom just a shut down child of an alcoholic. Healed now, although it took decades on my own. In my early 60’s and can love my dear old mom now. She has dementia and is very sweet. Finally tells me she loves me. My regret is that I missed the BEST part of my life and didn’t step out and try new things or an exciting career because I lacked self esteem. I had ZERO dreams. I piggy-backed on other’s dreams and interests. Still do not know what my dreams are outside of general things. She taught me nothing about anything.

@jarkachalmovianska7812 5 месяцев назад

The same here... 34... my mom taught me everything about pain, suffering, dependence and loneliness. How bad the world is, how bad men are... very sad, traumatizing and alienating to the world. Hugs

@judyp9141 Год назад

Thank you for saying the things that society doesn’t let us say out loud. I feel like I can’t talk to my siblings about this because I get, “how could you say that about your mother!” You are hitting the nail on the head.

@debvansickle4031 Год назад

Many people told me my Mom was jealous of me..but I thought that is so f##@ up..no way..because I have a daughter and want the best for her..but in my healing I recognized she is..

@stacydemontagnac5948 11 дней назад

Oh boy me all day. This is taking a minute to sink in. I've been in therapy for 5 years after getting an FRO on my wasband. Nothing but revelations lost friends siblings etc then I turn another corner and boom! I realize this. I am struggling right now but I'll be okay. Gonna be a minute tho

@jillien4898 Год назад

I haven’t heard anyone talk about this, thank you! Spot on.

@sherynngofa6175 Год назад

I’m a food addict (in recovery) and a codependent. I’m healing and making living amends to my young adult children. I can’t change my mom, but I can change and grow for my well-being. I’m grateful!

@LaraKim Год назад

Food was there for me when my mother wasn't

@rturney6376 Год назад

Food and books were my Best Friends. Sad 😢❤

@LaraKim Год назад

@@rturney6376 I would dissociate when I was reading so I could escape into the book and ignore my parents' constant fighting.

@StrenghtAndFreedom Год назад

You are not alone, there are many of us, i am food and sugar addict, in recovering phase. Food was my escape, my only pleasure in life for many years. There is one year since i am on healthy diet, somethimes is so hard, i want to eat like never before, but quit bcs i can't live life on zero point again, or stagnation. Just slow progressing, baby steps, it works.

@CarolAnne2222 10 месяцев назад

I turned to alcohol in my early teens. I'm 46 now and 12 years active AA member. I realize now it's the 12 steps which taught me to stop blaming everyone else (including her). Otherwise, I might have followed in her footsteps.

@LovinLnCottage Год назад

Mother and grandmother. Luckily, I had a passion for horses and managed to convince my parents to get me one by reminding them of a promise they made. My horses were my Zen Masters. Riding Thoroughbred sport horses and owning 3 stallions taught me to set boundaries and to find my authentic self. I chose not to have children to break the multi-generation chain. I also moved 1000 miles away. Thank you for sharing your journey because now I understand the subconscious reasons for the choices I made to save myself.

@RunninQHsRock Год назад

I can totally relate. Spent 20 years on the racetrack and young horses will definitely school you on boundaries. And I also never entertained the idea of having kids. The idea that I could be a fraction as cruel as my parents terrifies me whether it's a realistic prediction or not. Left the track because of all the traveling and moral disdain for the industry itself but still have the OTQH I used for ponying races. He's 21 now and still demonstrating the art of walking softly and carrying a big stick. The young goober of an OTTB he's turned out with will be a better horse for knowing him lol.

@xxiiooqp Год назад

O. M. G. I chose not to have children just to avoid becoming a twofaced, passive ignorant, bitter bully. No one deserves this kind of a mother. Sadly I recognise these patterns in myself. My grandmother and my mother were like this. I don't want this cycle to go on.

@RunninQHsRock Год назад

@@xxiiooqp I've reached a point where I accept that there's a narrow spectrum in which I can have a positive effect on the world.

@Theowlhawk Год назад

Wow! Horses are amazing beings x

@Theowlhawk Год назад

Didn't have children either. Rescued many animals throughout my life.

@annberlin5811 Год назад

You just desribed my childhood. I did everything myself .

@43warriormode98 Год назад

Me too

@annberlin5811 Год назад

@@43warriormode98 so sorry i know how this feels. I stopped eating when i was a teenager i weighed 85 lbs when i graduated from HS. Not until college, i realized i did this to avoid rejection from my mom. She wouldnt buy groceries if i asked. And we were well off. Its crazy.

@43warriormode98 Год назад

Sounds so familiar!! I still struggle to find myself worthy of meals clothes LOVE..I FEEL YA .💜

@wondering1916 Год назад

Me too💜🤗

@Anonymous-cl2es Год назад

Same!

@lindamorris525 11 месяцев назад

So many of the things you described reflected my childhood: I felt safer being quiet; saying something brought ridicule or anger; stuffing emotions because I was told not to feel them. This is life changing information! I thank you with my whole heart for sharing what you experienced and what you have learned! You have given me hope of healing. Thank you!

@mynameisheidi Год назад

Thank you so much for this. I will rewatch it. It's my mother 95%. She never ever ever raged. She maintained the Betty Boop, 'oh, darling' persona at all times. Always in character, always. I saw her cry silently once at the window. Never showing any of this to the monster. She adulated him, adored him, 'he' was never ever wrong. He was beyond perfect, godlike. She gushed over him. Uncomfortably gushed to the point it made him uncomfortable. He basked in the adulating, burping like 'oh, that's good', taking up space, dominating the entire household with the women and children scurrying around. 'Oh, look what your father did, oh, look what your father did' gushing, gushing all the time. She fussed over him, to the point he'd get upset with her fussing. Then blame her for what he was wearing. Why did I wear shorts (in an environment where most people were in pants) with a tone of accosting her to bring her into line to do better next time as if every word he uttered and every comfort was entirely her responsibility. She lapped it up and showed shame she wasn't bringing him the most utmost delight in everything she did and the way she was. It was humiliating and unimaginably distressing to watch, as she poured her heart into making the meals, keeping a clean home, always the best quality that could be afforded for certain things, and neglecting others, raising three children and working a job that in the latter years earned more than him. She was a weasly slave woman trying to come off as a feminist who'd won the man and done it all and was above everyone else in society because she had a 'European man' who was refined (I grew up in Australia).

@Sunny-vm4ry Год назад

Holy Mackerel! But I can relate! Glad you see it now!!

@foteotw Год назад

I stayed in an unfulfilling relationship for ten years and all my mom said all along was "Nobody's perfect, the poor guy just needs love"

@christinalw19 Год назад

Thanks, mom. 🙄 (😘🙏🏼💖)

@corinneyaworski5274 Год назад

Ugh sorry to hear

@paolah1828 Год назад

Sounds like my mom. Makes excuses for others.

@rturney6376 Год назад

Yes, my mom would take anybody’s side before have my back. 😢

@AbhishekJoshi11 Год назад

Sad. Seems she was gaslighting you to believe that it is your job to fix and please him, and yes to make him feel loved. With no reciprocity!

@alisonrusling612 Год назад

My mum has passed away she never stood up to my narcissistic dad and I did forgive her she had dementia so I had to get pass it but very hard felt so let down she never stuck up for us 💔💔

@phabulous1614 Год назад

I listened to this three times in a row. I also rewound the part about the mother being the daughter of an alcoholic. This has been one of the best explanation of passive motherhood; and how crippling that influence has been. I was often angry at her. As well as having contemptible feelings. She tried to come across as a caring parent, and yes, sometimes she could be, but in the end, I knew I wouldn’t, couldn’t depend on her for emotional stability. And listening to this has brought a little compassion from me regarding. Stunted emotionally. What a pity.

@stephanieveenstra Год назад

Me too. Thanks for posting this video Lisa.

@Diarrheagod Год назад

Sounds like we have a similar mother. Love and hugs for us all ❤

@rturney6376 Год назад

I listen to it once a day. My grandmother didn’t tell my mom things. Every generation seems to get better.

@stephanieveenstra Год назад

@@rturney6376 She didn't know or wasn't taught herself probably. You can't be an example of something you haven't learned, right. That's why it's a pity my mom didn't work this out because it passes over with generations so we the daughters or granddaughters have the double task or triple task to be an example for our children, reparent ourselves and teach our parents how to love oneself.

@aufache Год назад

I totally missed this part but i have to chuckle in a very sad sad way cause my mom too grew up with an alcoholic father / war veteran and im sure that contributed greatly to my mothers lack of emotional intelligence and mindset (to "shut up and hold in all your feelings" and Encouraging her children ((grown adults now to still)) to do the same as a coping mechanism in heated situations) in addition to my father being mentally ill and mom being distant as a wife and mother to her children. Yes we children had been traumatized, but mother has too (and hasn't grown emotionally after all these decades..) in this way i do feel bad for my mom. And dad unfortunately too has a sad story of never having a mother or female figure to raise him / she died when he was a young child - and dad too i think was raised around an alcoholic so he too was stunted emotionally. But i also have to feel bad for me too. And i respect myself enough to honor all my feelings and set my boundaries. Ive always been honest to myself about how i feel though. And i have been - and still do get reprimanded for speaking back against things - even today i was PINCHED by my mother (at 29 years old) for not shutting up and stating my boundaries. :/ perhaps my feelings werent expressed in the best way but you need others involved to tango and its not just me who is at fault 🙄... but that also doesnt mean i need to shut up either - cause i have done that as a teenager and became very sick for that. Feelings like these not moving fluidly (energy in motion - emotion) can cause people great illness and cancer if held in for long enough. Unfortunately i will need to take a break from my family. Its been chaos these past 2 weeks and i just need to be by myself (which i have been alone for like 4 years or something until these past 2 weeks..) :(. But hey, it sounds like we children of fractured parents seem a bit more emotionally intelligent and are diligently working to undue all the harm that has been done.

@matilda4406 Год назад

When my sister had an operation and was in hospital 10 days, I was shocked that my parents didn't visit her, (mum was still travelling internationally at the time) it baffled me, but then I realized it was not only me

@lesleyvivien2876 Год назад

This remark really resonated. "You expect too much of people." My father said it to my mother, and my husband said it to me. I think what we expected were things like honesty, transparency and kindness. Obviously unreasonable! Unrelated flashback: When I was 16, I came home to N London from staying with a family in Paris. I left Paris at 10 pm. Train, roundabout night ferry, train, tube and walk from the station, and finally opened the front door at 3pm. My father and brother were out, and my mother was in the kitchen, preparing food. She looked up when I came in, and said, "Oh - it's you."

@nicolecreates6936 Год назад

This one single video has answered so many of my questions and I have spent all of teenage and adult life thinking “I don’t get it” “it doesn’t make sense” “why is she like this” and now I get it. And I feel like now I have some closure and I can finally take the next steps towards healing. ❤

@lisaaromano1 Год назад

Awesome

@lesleesanmiguel907 27 дней назад

Same ! this one is right on the money 🎯 Bing Bong! I Love my mom, She wasn't a narcissistic but she was emotionally unavailable, I was the eldest of 6, I always felt like I got the least amount of attention. I've always called myself a lone wolf 😂 the vid confirmed it

@BGL333 Год назад

OMG I am so sorry that neither parent was at your bedside while in a coma. That does say it all, doesn't it? Thank you for addressing this important topic. I had many of the same experiences.

@Kerrycelt Год назад

I really related to this, my mum was passive and agreeable, served my dad's needs first, was emotionally numb and denied her own fulfillment. The more work i do on understanding and clearing my patterns of codependency, the harder it is to be around my mum's entrenched and denied programming of externalising and people pleasing. I have always felt closer to my mum, but now i feel the resentment of her almost stubborn self sacrifice, and endorsement of her own and others learned helplessness. As my dad becomes more vulnerable as he ages, he has softed in his domineering patterns, my mum seems determined to be the saviour for any family or community members that she deems are struggling. I have had to stand strong in my truth, in my own recovery, but i feel at such a contrast to where she is, it has caused conflict for the first time in years. I also felt to let go of needing to be heard by her, as i feel she is not able to understand what i am saying about holding someone in the frame of helplessness by enabling them, but calling it compassion. And it is for me to recognise my programming to release it, she has her own journey.

@BackFromTheBorderline Год назад

Thank you for sharing this. It mirrors - almost uncannily so - my experience. It has helped me feel incredibly seen and less alone in my own journey. Thank you, kind stranger.

@Mbspitz851 Год назад

You described my mom exactly. Now I understand.

@jaida7746 Год назад

Wow spot on. Unfortunately because my mom was so passive and I almost never spoke with my dad I became a very easy target for predators. I remember sobbing to my mom about a traumatic incident involving being held captive and assaulted and she calmly saying “be glad it happened to you and not some other innocent child.” Gee, thanks mom lol 😐 THANK YOU for this video!! Never have I felt so seen before

@devih9134 11 месяцев назад

The way she thinks is so sick!!! I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that ♥️

@ankeenbeertje1981 2 месяца назад

I am so sad and happy at the same time that I can relate to you...I'm so sorry your mom treated you like that! Big hug for you❤

@sheronlyn2693 Год назад

Wow not only did you just explain my whole life with an emotionally unavailable mother from the 50s but giving the bigger picture of her background with her father and my own father plus my own marriage was enlightening. Even in my early 70s I'm still learning who I am and what shaped me as things have become so much clearer the older I get and with that widsom and knowledge has come the ability to understand more to forgive more and to just accept, which is a blessing. Thankyou.

@jmonae9999 10 месяцев назад

That’s beautiful ❤

@LuckyBambi777 Год назад

Idk why RU-vid suggested this video to me but it hits me hard. My Mom loves me and I know it, but what she taught me is always obey and accept everything no matters how bad it is. What I rmb about my childhood is there was no support, no comfort, no protection... even when I told her I was bullied. I grew up with low self-esteem, socially awkward and have no boundaries, don't know how to protect myself and I struggled... It even reached to a point that I couln't open my mouth to talk about my feelings even with my bff, at that time, talking about my struggles or feelings just feel same as committing a crime for me, I was mute emotionally 🙂 Now grown up I know I'm the one who will help myself out of this mess, I'm my own hero. P/s: I can't blame my Mom tho, she was raised that way or even worse, I still love her but it's just so sad and I cried...

@retard_activated Год назад

All of this hit home so much for me. And not just me thinking of myself, but of how my mom's parents "raised"/neglected her. The parts about pacifying and being intentionally too busy/distracted, etc. Hurts so much. After 43 years she can't (or just won't - because she's highly passive aggressive) remember that I hate jelly on my toast. But she can swear to God tell you, in order, the favorite cat treats of my brother's ex-landlord's wife's diabetic cat. All my life it's like she's done everything humanly possible to pretend like I'm invisible or at least, on the last rung on the ladder of things that are important to her. Oh, the stories I could tell you .. But the above example is literally what my whole life has been like. And my bio father was never around either, so I basically raised myself while my other younger siblings have gotten all the encouragement, time, affection, praise, etc. I see my mom face to face and when I try to talk to her - even just about dinner ideas, or life ideas - it doesn't matter, she won't ever just sit down and give me five uninterrupted minutes. But she will literally spend hours on the phone with my brothers, my sister, her sister and, of course... My brother's ex-landlord's wife. Or the lady she worked with 20 years ago. Hell, she'll stand there and full undivided attention to the Walmart greeter before she ever gives me the time of day. I didn't have anything useful to say, I just came here to feel sorry for myself. I'm never ever really going to have the mom that my three siblings did.... And I'm the oldest. 😥

@Wealthismybirthright 9 месяцев назад

I’ve experienced similar. I am the first born out of my female parent children. She really don’t know anything about me at all except my birthday & that’s all. She don’t even know my major in college, what type of degree I have, or my other accomplishments all that well. Like she never seemed invested into my goals, childhood goals, or anything even when I was becoming a woman. She’s dismissive of my pain, traumas, and hardships that I faced because of her fault & my fathers fault as a kid. They both were selfish, cold, dismissive, and all for themselves. I only talk to her about superficial things. I never had a true woman bond with her at all. Like we only are friendly about superficial things but most of the time. I can’t open up to her because she’s going to give generic answers or pretends to care but I can sense it’s not really real. She then flops to be the victim, and is a covert narcissists. She also is jealous of me which I have also suspected. However on the flip side my younger half- brother got supported, more loved, and she ride or die for him. She knows everything about him. My mother is emotionally immature, distant, narcissistic, and low key jealous. I got tired of initiating phone calls, buying bday gifts, and I’m always the one on phone calls excited while she falls asleep on me or she lays me no attention. She also just like her female parent, she will give others support, love and attention but not their daughters. I realized that it’s time for me to go coldly no contact.

@deemaysie6568 7 месяцев назад

Ahhhh......I'm laughing my head off about her knowing the tiniest details about the cat's treats of a distant stranger's cat, but not remembering anything about you. To this day my mother asks me if I sugar and take milk in my tea and coffee, with the result that I have answered THAT question about a million times throughout my life. She showed absolutely NO interest in helping me with my wedding plans eventhough she is a skilled seamstress, but insinuated incessantly that my cousin who lived far away should be a bridesmaid and that she would make her dress. Take consolation that you are not alone. I have found that anticipating the barbs before they are released and being mindful to remain calm and seemingly unaffected has helped tremendously to minimize the pain. I am also low contact with her now.

@retard_activated 7 месяцев назад

I just wanted to thank you both so much for replying and sharing your experiences as well... It helps me a lot to know I'm not the only one dealing with this... Especially because my mother gaslights my siblings and I. They all are convinced I'm the bad guy (woman) lol But my mom treats me so differently and I've tried explain this to them, they just think I'm crazy or on drugs (might as well be)! They don't hear the things she says to me when we're alone (once she accused me of sleeping with one of my good friends because I agreed to babysit his kids during a family emergency (I have literally NEVER EVER been romantic with him, nor have I ever been interested in him that way. Her comment hit so sideways I was speechless. Later I told my brother about it, and since my friend is also a 'family friend' and we all grew up together, he called my mom to ask her about it in front of me and she straight up LIED! AND CONTINUED LYING, EVEN AFTER I TOLD HER I WAS WITH MY BROTHER WHILE HE HAD HER ON SPEAKERPHONE! Ultimately, he believed her! And even IF I did, I'm 43 f**king Yeats old, it would be nobody's business! But that's just another example of billions, that have beat me down, put me down, destroy any type of self esteem I ever had the chance of growing. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I was left with an adult male babysitter (apparently that was a good idea to her?!) And I was molested. It even became a family "joke" about how he pulled my pants down... (HE did so much more than that). :( I have an almost 12 year old daughter and I would NEVER leave her with ANY GUY but I guess that's just me...). I no longer talk to my step-dad (a whole other story- they've been together for 30 years and STILL deny they are more than friends - not our business, but didn't build trust to lie to your adult children who had all had set, been married and have kids of their own!) But I digress, my daughter complained to me that step-dad wouldn't leave the room, or stay turned around while she was changing her clothes one morning. He told her basically to chill because he used to change her diapers, which is true. Bur she's no longer a baby, she's a young woman and getting boobies and stuff. I have gone OFF THE FUCKING CHART, I THREATENED TO BLOW HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE HAD ALREADY HAD A CONFRONTATION WITH BOTH HE AND MY MOM ABOUT HIM WALKING IN ON HER IN THE BATHROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING OR REASON AND REFUSING TO LEAVE WHEN SHE ASKED HIM TO! My mom says I 'cause drama' and me trying to talk to ithers about it is me needing attention and 'miscontruing' the facts. She chooses her 'not-boyfriend' over me 8 days a week. As childish as it sounds, I still just want my mommy after a lifetime of being shoved aside and stepped on and I feel like once I let that feeling go I'll be better off for it. But it's so hard to let go... I apologize for 'trauma dumping' but I can just tell by the stories you guys have shared, that you would understand and maybe have some ideas. I fully don't expect objectivity because we've all been through some rough things... I just started counseling but I'm afraid to open up to someone in person. I started counseling because I'm currently alcoholic but I'm trying g to quit drinking. Tomorrow I start day one detoxing on Librium.... I'm ashamed to admit, I'm definitely having a beer tonight! I hope you guys are doing better now, and I hope I'll be finally making some real progress in my life in these next few weeks. Thank you for taking the time to reply and share your own experiences... Honestly didn't expect anyone to read it or care, so I appreciate you both very, very much! ❤️

@chocolate-eq6jn Год назад

This video was not only made for me, but for my husband! It really helps me to understand him, given that his mother was a passive people pleaser, married to a very domineering man. It also helps explain why my mother pushed back, every time I expressed a need. My sister has grown up to "go along to get along", when it comes to men, and this video helps me to understand why But I'm not wired that way. That's why I'm the family scapegoat.

@jennifernorton7476 Год назад

This really describes my mom perfectly! She always made sure that I never really had my own life, and she'd block me from taking action to make my dreams come true while I was growing up. I never understood why she was like that, or why she always had this strange jealousy.

@PreYeah Год назад

@Jennifer Norton, It's because misery likes company, is why.

@juliedaviespugh1555 Год назад

😢

@rosalindluper2801 Год назад

This struck a chord with me. My mother never took any interest in what I was doing or wanted to do. She dismissed everything as a waste of time, one of her favourite comments being "oh well if that's what you want to do, that's up to you.." and I was left to make my own arrangements. There was aboslutely no support.

@juliedaviespugh1555 Год назад

My mother is the same Jennifer. It really didn’t hit home until I was in my 40ters and then just last year her true Colours come up to the surface again. Every family member thinks she Lovely person inside and out. This year I’ve become ill and I’ve had lots of tests in hospital to try find out what it is. She never phones to see how Iam , she gave me the excuse that there’s no point her phoning me as nothing really happens in her life and she has nothing to talk about. So I’ve gone zero contact since June this year.

@PreYeah Год назад

@@rosalindluper2801 It’s because such mothers are reminded of their own lack of agency and ambition when they see their daughters showing an active interest to grow in their potential and strength. We, who went from clingy and needy children dependent on them, to adults wanting to form in our agency came as a threat to our mothers because we had something they didn’t - agency. And they can’t admit to it, and certainly can’t admit to getting the help (and doing the self-work) in order to support us better. So they try to stonewall us every which way they can so we can remain dependent on them once again, it’s probably the only taste of worth and importance they’ve ever known (to have us be dependent on them AND stonewall us to prevent our growth to continue our dependency on them)

@thethreadedtarot777 Год назад

I just remember this unspoken code through which I knew it wasn't ok for me to go out with my friends for too long. No words, I just knew, she let me know somehow it was harmful (to her) to keep on having fun outside the house. Despite the awful feeling I still would always go out for a while, but after a certain period of time (let's say a few hours) I just knew it was time to go back home because that's what she needed.

@christineewing3492 Год назад

My mum was still like this when she was quite elderly, and sometimes would come to stay with me. She would get angry and chastise me for going out somewhere and leaving her alone in the house. I was in my 40s!!

@thethreadedtarot777 Год назад

@@christineewing3492 ... I'm so sorry we had to go through this. Luckily we got ourselves out of it ;)

@manasamanohar4750 Год назад

I thought it was only me who could read my mom's mind like that. Thought that it was a sign of a good relationship, not a toxic one.

@thethreadedtarot777 Год назад

@@manasamanohar4750 I guess a bond so strong can serve both ways

@rturney6376 Год назад

Yeah, it was weird when I finished college - my mom and brother made the joke “if she gets a car 🚗, we will never see her again”. Weird Abandonment issues!! Power and Control

@sondrah150 Год назад

I did my best to grow up invisable. Since being introduced to a switch and a belt at three years old i was an only child i understood it was safer to not draw attention to myself. I played out of sight and had as little contact as pisdible with either them. My mother catered to my dad . I was just baggage

@susanmutch6779 Год назад

Me too!

@meganfox5219 Год назад

Me too… when I was getting married I was thinking to myself and my Spirit was screaming don’t do it. And I said to myself because I was afraid to tell someone no… here I go I’m doing it anyway. Yes 🙌… I had that mindset and believed all kinds of lies I told myself as to why I couldn’t leave. Eek!!!! I would say I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I suffered from my lack of knowledge and understanding when it came to who I am and how these things work. Now I have a 19 year old daughter and hope I can help break the pattern. My mom was an alcoholic and raised by an alcoholic. I am in recovery and I pray to GOD that i will break these generational patterns/ curses. I have been that woman to my daughter as I was coming out of the terribly unhealthy marriage and the trauma that was all around. Oh no my daughter is overly independent because I was unavailable for different lame reasons. Yuck I’m sick to my stomach about my own replication of this in mine and my kids life. I really want my daughter to be free from any of this garbage. So painful. What a mess! I was codependent and my ex a narcissist. What a yucky yucky combo. So glad to be free! Have to keep healing and growing!

@mzsjonzz2029 Год назад

All of this makes sense...you are describing my mom then and now. I have been so confused for decades about the unspoken "weirdness" in our relationship. This explains it to a T.

@strawberrylove5684 Год назад

You just described my mother perfectly. I completely cut her and my abusive stepdad out of my life last year. Feel so much better without their shadow tainting my life. Thanks for making this video 💖

@angelmeade6927 10 месяцев назад

She didn’t like our comments but I understand you so much

@JC-cw1ww 9 месяцев назад

I'm getting ready to make the same move. Stepfather can have no place in my life, nor can my mother for as long as she enables his abusive behavior toward me.

@strawberrylove5684 9 месяцев назад

@@angelmeade6927 💖💖💖

@strawberrylove5684 9 месяцев назад

@@JC-cw1ww It’s hard and emotional at first, especially coming to terms with the fact that your mother doesn’t protect you the way a mother should. If you’re able to talk to a therapist to help you through the first few months after going no-contact, that’d probably be a really good idea. But I’m glad you’re making the healthy choice there!

@jellyshrimp9006 Год назад

My mother wasn't particularly submissive to my father and instead took pride in being tough and trying to deal with every problem on her own, sometimes even acting quite cruel by being emotionally absent and expecting the same behaviour from him; but it lead to exactly the same pattern of problems. She was trying to put work and what she thought other people expected of her way above her own needs, set no boundaries and kept her feelings towards herself and taught us the same behaviour. I think she was some kind of quiet people pleaser who thought she had to be strong and cold in order to deserve love and attention and may have been catering to the unfair expectations of her long dead mother.

@bridgettetraveler658 4 месяца назад

My mother never taught me much of anything. I thank GOD for books & teachers. I joined the army. My Drill Sergeant taught me that there's no such word as can't. I used to do more for others untill I rea😅these ppl didn't do anything for me. Some ppl say I've changed. I tell them thank you for that compliment. They try to insult me, but I let them know I don't care what they think of me. GOD pays my bills & not my haters!!!

@corinneyaworski5274 Год назад

Thank you Lisa. I watched my mother and her passive aggressive attitude. She was terribly abused by my alcoholic dad, as was my brother, my sister and me. I did feel my mom was jealous of me! Somehow, I blamed her for accepting the abuse and letting him abuse us. I'm still angry as I was the youngest and was scapegoated by my brother and sister as well. I thought any strong feeling as anger, fear, need was to be suppressed at all costs. Now I'm still dealing with this as an older person. The only way out of my depression is to see that Jesus is there for me when nobody else is.

@lisaaromano1 Год назад

You can work through this and learn to surrender and even accept that you are love🤗even if you are an ACOA and even if your mother was stuck in a dysfunctional marriage and even if you grew up not feeling loved. You are love ❤️

@rturney6376 Год назад

You are LOVE 💗!!! Check out the work of David Hawkins and Kyle Cease. 🎉❤😊

@eyesaidit5195 Год назад

Omg so true

@BN4n Год назад

My Mother had Borderline Personality Disorder combined with Bi-Polar Disorder with a couple of Psychotic episodes that resulted in her being sectioned once... So in a nutshell, she actually fits the passive emotionally unavailable mother definition. She always blamed all her issues on my Dad and was always playing the victim even to this day! Nothing was ever her fault or will ever will be! But all of the trauma from my childhood has never stopped me from being the best Mom to my daughter! Yes, I doubted myself at various points in my life but refused to be a victim at any point...and found the inner strength to break away from the cycle! It is not as difficult as one thinks...

@suelamalasi8654 Год назад

Thank you so much Lisa, from the bottom of my heart from all your amazing job. Crying from relief, I always felt I'm too much. Anger and resentment for steeling my joy for just being me . I'm a singer who's been silenced and I'm working to gain back my God given gift

@user-ns7se4vp9s 8 дней назад

This is my mother TO A T. SHE MUST HAVE MET MY MOTHER. She us explaining in this video EXACTLY how I was raised. Thank God although I ended up with a lower self esteem and OCD that is off the charts, I swung the opposite way with every way that my mother is. I am very vocal, stand up for when I see wrong inn the world, and stand up to people. I am not afraid of conflict because my mother's personality disgusts me so much.

@ivebel3966 Месяц назад

at the end of the day, i wish i could grow old and live my life having had a loving mom, not just a mother. it rips me to my core knowing that the little girl i was started suffering so soon because of her. even when i was in elementary school i felt like i had to absolutely try my hardest to be loved, to be liked. i tried everything. she just doesn’t like me, and she never will.

@evab6544 Год назад

This is such a good explanation - my dad wasn’t a drunk, but my mum was very dependent on him especially financially- my mum was very obsessed with what other people thought & we were taught not to complain or question anything, we had to be what she thought was ‘good’. We were also taught we were wrong & other people knew best. Emotionally she gave me no support as a child & any problems I faced were made out to be my own doing. By the time I was a teenager I was a wreck. I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to recover & develop self worth. I don’t trust people & I am very self sufficient. To the outside world my mum is seen as a lovely, cake baking, church going woman. I see a very broken woman who is like a child & who will never have the insight to understand her own emotions & place.

@ladycsays7526 Год назад

I have been married 14 years. Been miserable the whole time. Also feel stuck and like I can't go. I'm disabled, pretty much living on disability and have no where to go. I'm just existing not living at all.

@gillymac9363 Год назад

I pray you manifest freedom and joy x

@Raminakai Год назад

Is there anyone you can reach out to..start going to a support group? It might be helpful for you to start attending something where you can express yourself and be heard and have opportunities to make connections. Celebrate Recovery is a great place to do that. If transportation is a problem, see if someone from the group can pick you up. Praying for you! 🙏🕊

@rturney6376 Год назад

Praying 🙏 for you!! ❤❤❤

@doricetimko332 Год назад

Praying for your personal freedom and for you to experience joyful moments

@spirituallysafe Год назад

Do you know the Lord Jesus personally?

@Nikki30288 Год назад

I had several "parental dads" because of my mother's lack of control of her life. I am surprised I wasn't more abused than I was as a child. I thank you for this psychological approach to understand my own childhood. For a long time i felt depressed because of my mother's sins and lack of parental care. I was a product of so many scary life changing moments and by the grace of God ...I made it. I am self made. I am married with h five children and another on the way. My mom still has the same behavior and I have to limit my relationship with her. It is sad. But that is the reality of having a mother like this. My mom was always easy to exploit and because of that...I was too. But now I just struggle to care for my mom because she didn't care for me. She is hard to love and forgive. I never had a strong role model and found myself attaching myself to older woman for advice. But yes my mom is jealous of my life. Even though I earned it all. Thank you again :) this helped me alot. I would have paid for therapy with no real advice .

@alexandriaarroyo233 Год назад

Amazing. I’m a textbook case. My mother ended up developing bipolar disorder and I feel it was the culmination of years of living like this

@christinamarie1705 Год назад

My mom grew up very isolated and always believed what she was told, so when I was a young curious child she saw me as a problem that she was not equipped with the skills to handle and often pawned me off to my father 😢 He always applauded my curiosity. Now in adulthood I have spent ample time attempting to help them both to heal from their own traumatic childhood wounds while still learning and continuously working to heal my own emotional wounding. Now facing divorce in my own marriage I can feel the deeply rooted patterns pulling me into a desire to return to and attempt to mend a relationship that I can only describe as equally painful and pleasant. Thank you so much for the work you do to help our society to heal from negative relationship patterns that have been passed down through the generations of time 🙏🥰

@maryannlenoir190 Год назад

My mother is a narcissist and never was there and still isn’t there for me!! I have so much resentment towards her!!

@IAmSherry12 Год назад

I am the passive mother you speak of. I love and adore my children more than anything in this world and as I look at them now all grown productive adults it breaks my heart that I wasn't always there in the best way for them. But for me this started not with my dad but with my narcissistic mother. Who at almost 88 is still alive and kicking. She does not see nor ever will her narcissism or what she did to her children. My father who died at 69 was salt of the earth and a wonderful person but very passive. Mother left him when I was 10 and it broke him. And then I married someone who treated me just like my mom. And now my children are dealing with all of this and so am I as I tried to work through their pain. But added to that is the fact that they learned behavior from their father to look down on me to judge me to make me always the bad 1 or the 1 that failed. And frankly I'm tired of that. I want to know about healing for me healing for my children moving forward. Nothing that happened was intentional. My children were adored they were never abused. But here we are I want to move beyond the passed into a brighten your future. And honestly for me I also wanna learn to forgive my mother

@elizabethevans6980 Год назад

I pray for you on your healing journey.🙏 Forgiveness is truly a gift we give to ourselves by extending it to others.

@zsuzso7 Год назад

Your intention to heal is already a great thing

@YesJellyfish Год назад

It's big of you to admit to your fault, I praise you for that. We all make mistakes and while you cannot go back, you can still do so much with your life for yourself and your children if you work on those things that you are not proud of. It's always better late than never, when it comes to healing, growing, forgiving yourself and being forgiven. I wish you the best of luck!

@CornbreadOracle Год назад

I’m the daughter of such a union; no abuse but my mom was passive (childhood trauma there). Luckily my dad came from a great family and was distant but otherwise a pretty great guy. We kids all landed on our feet and are able to understand that our parents did the best they could with the tools they had. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Loving your kids eases so many bumps!

@fannym9034 Год назад

@@YesJellyfish v v vvvv vv v c 5 5x5rx5x 5 5

@haveaniceday2208 Год назад

You described my experience perfectly. Incredible blowups at me out of nowhere, a strange and misplaced jealousy of me or my life in many ways, and no acknowledgement of any of my emotions, even now all these years later

@mysticalstar8883 Год назад

So spot on! This relates to my relationship with my mother. My Mother acted like this with me. I spent most of my life trying to please her and make her happy. Big mistake! I could never understand why she was jealous of me and what I was doing. Always a negative response towards me. Ironically I have been living with her for the past 13 years and it is where the greatest emotional growth has happened in the last few years. My Mother has been my biggest teacher. Great video! It confirms a lot that has happened between my Mother and myself.

@ericachitwood2465 Год назад

Lisa I want to get to where u are. Your story about your surgery and your mom not coming. That would have crushed me. I'm so sorry. You are sych a beautiful soul. My parents are the same, they have not been to visit me in 5 years, they refuse to come visit stating its too far -when it's 4.5 hour drive and they travel everywhere else. In fact they have never, not once, visited me since I've lived on my own --since age 25 and Im now 42. So, im sure it would be the same, if I needed them they would not come! I so want your peace, solitude, and awareness. In fact, Id give anything to have that. God Bless you Lisa. It's so Sad to know you are not important to the people who are supposed to be your No 1 advocates- your parents. Damn it hurts.

@wondering1916 Год назад

Thank you! I understand their passiveness to a point but the pain mom , aunt, etc have caused me by not really being interested in me. They aren’t interested in life and any depth in life. I finally grew past their handicaps because I was always more expressive and WAY more inquisitive . I try not to be around family anymore. They are dismissive and gaslighters . Their whole lives are based only on coping, not learning about themselves and each other . They walk around like numb zombies , never interested in anything outside of their ticky tacky boxy little comformative worlds. You hit the nail on the head -jealous of me and throwing spite at me when no one else is around in sneaky, passive ways.

@katetyack1710 Год назад

My mother stood by and allowed my twin brother to demolish me everyday in every way. She never once reprimanded or punished him. She still pacifies him today and facilitates his life of not working or having any responsibilities. When I divorced my narcissistic husband all she could keep saying was “I didn’t realise you were unhappy”. If only she could have held me and shown her love. She wasn’t any help, she made it all about herself. This video was spot on for me.

@arielm1374 Год назад

Omg, it's not often I hear about sibling abuse but I have a very similar story. My mom would tell me "Just don't make her angry, you know how she gets". Even my aunt was shocked that my mom didn't react to how she treated me. Always walking on eggshells around my sister's outbursts. I resented my mom for the longest time for not doing anything.

@Lapastel37 Год назад

Same here. My dad AND my older brother

@angels8837 Год назад

Yes me too My brother took all the energy and it was expected He was physically and verbally abusive I just hid and tried to be invisible This video helped a lot

@katetyack1710 Год назад

@@arielm1374 I’m convinced the reason she stood by and watched was because….. maybe she did something horrific to one of her siblings…. and was triggered into freeze when she witnessed her children fighting. I don’t know…. It’s seriously fucked up isn’t it.

@arielm1374 Год назад

@@katetyack1710 I honestly just think it's because my sister is like my father. Both aggressive and my mom's reaction is to fawn and people please. "Just don't make her angry". My mom was so used to being around her abusive mother and then husband, that when her own daughter became them, she reacted the way she'd always had. I turned out like my mother but since starting my healing journey, I don't let people take advantage of me and I try to remember that it's okay if people dislike you. Normal people don't hurt you when you make them angry over minor issues. I stand up for myself and I see my mom is starting to too. We're all healing and learning.

@luisacastillo7939 Год назад

Wow this is literally my mother and I it’s so hard to heal from all this. Happy to realize all these things are true and I’ll not the only one with this type of experience.

@mrgoodvibes1253 4 дня назад

Hi, Thank you for taking the time to spread this knowledge. Listening to this video helps, even though I am a son of a passive, emotionally unavailable mother. I've felt alone, ugly, and unnecessary, and I have felt like a problem in this world. I have felt like my sensitivity is a problem, at least what my mom said. The consequence of this has made me a people-pleaser, a too-nice guy afraid to offend others. But I dearly urge you all to confront your emotions and insecurities with a soft and non-judging effort; this will help you grow and build your character. Once you get to know yourself and what triggers your thought pattern, it will be easier to live with. Big hugs to all of you, whatever you are going through!

@43warriormode98 Год назад

All you experienced as a child..I could have written myself ..thank you bless you for letting me know it's not me !

@rusticvibes2409 Год назад

My mom's two favorite things to say to me when she could tell I was going to speak my truth, "just be nice" & "don't rock the boat". The waves were huge most times. lol I felt mostly anger & envy from her. I understood the anger (I made her life harder with my dad), but her ENVY was perplexing to deal with. I get it now that I have been healing. That said, those two emotions are poison to my soul & I stay clear of her now. I'm now the "escaped goat!" 😉 Grey rock is my best friend when I do have to interact with her. I hope you do more on Passive emotionally unavailable mothers, its much needed! 💕

@tamarastone141 Год назад

Grey rock has been my saving grace!

@oOIIIMIIIOo Год назад

You haven't made her life harder with your Dad, she had chosen it.

@ac1646 Год назад

'escaped goat'. Love it 😆😍

@Sunny-vm4ry Год назад

@@ac1646 mee toooo!! Escaped Goat!! Clever!!!

@BackFromTheBorderline Год назад

This comment. Talk about relatable. especially the part about the anger being easier to understand than the subtle simmering jealousy. Its almost like a truth your body tries so hard to reject. Bizarre and indescribable pain that is difficult to explain to someone else who can’t understand.

@shia778 Год назад

Thank you for validating me Lisa auntie❤️I am an 18 yr old trying to heal myself. I see you as my mother 🥺

@eyeseeme3 Год назад

❤

@user-or7gc1kd1e 3 месяца назад

I can’t believe how you nailed my childhood and adult life with my Mom!! My Dad was a narcissist so I got a double whammy! Thank you so much for helping me understand the craziness of my childhood and adult life!!!

@itsMalma Год назад

21:07 .. i didnt even bother telling my mom when i almost lost my life until months later. same for miscarriages. i just... went through it on my own. I never heard this articulated this way about daughters of passive emotionally unavailable moms.. thank you im going no contact and its really really painful.. i miss .. but not if my efforts still make me the bad guy. if i mgonna be hated on, i need to use my energy to fix me. not them

@lynnehannon4036 Год назад

This was a mind-blowing video- I’ll be watching it again. It’s really helped me to connect more dots. My narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, victimized, martyr of a mother passed away in June. My whole life I’ve wondered why I’ve always attracted the men that I have. I even ended up marrying someone just like my mother and been divorced for almost 6 years now. Still healing and continuing to work through many things. Blaming other people for her unhappiness was the big “ah-ha”… Looking back at my own marriage , I noticed the pattern forming. Luckily, I got out and broke the cycle. It was best for everyone, but especially for my two sons. It was the right decision and have been on my healing journey ever since. Thank you for your videos- this one, in particular hit the mail on the head! Thank you!…🙏🏻💫

@iofb.hulder Год назад

Every last bit is relevant. I've kind of overcompensated by becoming more direct and confident with boundaries, and I always stick up for myself, as well as people in my presence. This wasn't always so. I feel like I've done so much dirty work on the inside picking apart the relationship with my mom, and she never has. I've been in a quiet state of resentment for awhile over that fact, but I have also developed so much inner fortitude. Thank you for sharing this, your thoughts are entirely appreciated ❤️❤️❤️

@kiminotodoke3183 Месяц назад

This make so much sense 😮‍💨I have so much work to undo.. Alcoholic and angry father and emotionally unavailable mother. Please pray for me.

@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад

I’m 43 and this one video alone just helped me to realise so much. Everything you have explained is right on! It’s like babysitting a child, I have to lead her around. She’s always the victim but god forbid if I have a need. I have turned into a lone elf and I don’t express feelings or explain myself and why I do things. Thank you for posting this!

@pinklion26 Год назад

I’m 44 and my story is exactly like the same. I feel like I’m responsible for her state of mind because she seems incapable of taking care of herself as if she doesn’t know how. It’s a incredibly bizarre.

@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад

How do you deal with it all? I’m moving into my own place and told her she has to figure it out for herself and find a room to rent. Her response is “ I come from an era where the kids took care of the parents”. I had to hold my boundary. I’m 43 looking for a mate and living with your mom doesn’t help in that search! I told her she was very capable of working or renting a room she could afford. I’m tired of being the “ mom”. I resent her so much and I wish I didn’t. I start therapy next week so hoping that gives some direction.

@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад

@pinklion26 Год назад

I don’t live with mine but I see her every week and she says the same things, that in her era kids and sisters took care of their siblings. She refuses to plan anything for herself (going out, appointments) she expects others (me or my aunt) to take care of that. And when she’s feeling neglected she’ll start feeling ill and end up in the psych ward. It’s as if she knows she’ll get sympathy when she’s in the hospital. She seems to enjoy it. She usually ends up going every 2 years or so like it’s a vacation home. Meanwhile she has a lot of money, enough to be able to travel and live a great life but chooses to live in an appartment that’s isolated, never does anything nice for herself and doesn’t go out anywhere unless someone pushes her to do so. She never has a positive word for me and I do believe she’s jealous of my freedom while she’s rotting away in her self imposed jail of martyrdom. I feel bad for her because she had a bad childhood but she’s 80 now and never seemed to try to move on. She also never calls me but I’m expected to go see her every weekend and take her out. I wish I had advice to give but as you can see I’m still struggling with mine. All I’ve been wanting to do is to meet a man that lives in a far away city and to get married and leave. I feel there is no way to properly manage this situation because she’s getting older and weaker which is normal so I feel like I still have to be around but at the same time she has been the same situation since I was in my 20s. I feel like I lost most of my 20s and 30s to managing my mothers endless issues. How do we manage this situation in a socially responsible way? I have no idea. I hope to find the answer to this soon so I don’t spend my 40s in the same way.

@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад

Wow that sounds awful! I’m sorry you have had to deal with this your whole life. It’s not fair. At least my mother goes to the mall, church, and lunch still lol 😂 I had to push her to do all that but she finally agreed when I threatened I would move out if I didn’t get some space in the home. She as I’m sure your mom does just feels sorry for herself all the time. She’s a victim and because of that I resent her! I don’t like or respect her. I’m sure you feel similar? I can relate to what you said about meeting a man and moving far away to start a new life! Before I get too shitty with her I am moving out in 5 months. I told her to figure it out and to my surprise she is ( reluctantly) doing it! Wouldn’t have been nice to had a mothering mom? I will never know that feeling. Probably why I refuse to have kids. I don’t want to repeat any of this! So I have dogs lol 😂. Good luck sister and I would work on your boundaries. That’s what I’m learning to do. It’s not our fault!

@ginaeboldt5107 Год назад

I’m in tears, what a wake up call. thank you Lisa. I had stroke and she was acting this way too. Your videos have helped and continue to do so. ❤️

@hazelfrond1830 Год назад

I had focused on growing up with a volatile father but your beautifully articulated description of the emotionally passive mother helped me to see the habits she passed on to me. Your explanation that your "freedom can be a trigger" for her hit home. This jealous fear response frustrated my attempts to seek independence and mastery in my adult life. I don't have to be another generation who swallows her self worth to appease others. I'm sorry you could not see this in your time, Mom.

@sm3296 Год назад

Came to see if I was this kind of mom, but learned I was raised by a passive emotionally unavailable mom. She was quiet, lived under my dads thumb and never stood up for herself or us. I lost her a long time ago and I wish she had found herself and we could have had a good relationship. Now I see how I was raised has shaped my relationship with my daughter.

@tw8725 5 дней назад

I feel you’re talking about my experience and suffering in every single realm of my life. Feeling neglected and alone, realizing I’ve made a huge mistake marrying this man after the first week of my wedding, … and all that. Had to stop watching your film twice while watching it because I noticed I couldn’t breathe. But towards the end, I felt this huge relief because I felt finally someone understands me. Thank you. ❤

@shawnykaltenbach9713 Год назад

This really hit home for me. I have been an over achiever for so long because of people pleasing tendencies and having to be my own adult at such a young age. My mother was only 16 when she got pregnant with my sister and definitely didn’t have any tools to raise kids and thus deferred to my dad. She died of breast cancer before she could ever do her own work sadly. Had a lot of tears watching this video. Tears of relief, sadness for all the other women who have gone through this, and I wanted to thank you for this video. I feel like I can give myself permission to feel now. So much was stuffed down for so long. 😢 Very grateful… thank you 🙏

@mosim9691 Год назад

Put this video on "loop!" Must have heard this 7 or more times already! Many thanks, Lisa! So so helpful! My Mom eventually gave up from having to deal with my narc dad & chose to check out by laying in bed & doing nothing day-in & day-out. I was left taking care of my little sisters while growing up.

@lisaaromano1 Год назад

That’s awesome!

@Powitree1 Год назад

My mom was emotionally unavailable... Dad was an alcoholic ..I went thru all of those psych and self image issues.. I've done the work.. I'm healed but it took years. Today I'm open and confident ..more importantly...I know my value. My poor mom ..she suffered in silence except for occasional blow outs...usually directed at her kids bc it was safer than retort towards the abuser...which taught me anger 🤬 was a fuse waiting for a trigger. She dumped him when I was nine .. great day ..for her and me. My boundaries are much stronger knowing if I'm miserable, I can leave too.

@hnb1113 Год назад

Lisa, thanks for helping us to feel seen! I was that lone wolf child you described and still struggle with feeling like I can't ask for help without being judged as being too much. When I needed any kind of emotional support I was given the message by my mother that I was a bother. So, I sucked in my feelings and handled everything on my own. She raised me to be HER support system and emotional caretaker. When I grew up, got married, and moved away she wasn't happy about it. I was expected to continue to be there for her like I always had been. I didn't realize until much later how much resentment she carried toward me. After my father died I thought she would grow and finally find someone who would love her better. She chose someone who has done the opposite and it made her bitter and angrier. I went from golden child to scapegoat quickly. After almost a decade of trying, I couldn't take the passive-aggressive comments and being discarded when I tried instituting a boundary. I finally went low contact and it has made a big difference in my emotional well-being.

@makethatchangelifecoaching4009 10 месяцев назад

This was basicly my story accept mom never made me feel like my emotions were too much but more like she didn't talk about stuff. She did comment I was too sensitive. I use to cry when I woke up in the morning when I was young because I felt cranky and took the teasing personally.

@makethatchangelifecoaching4009 10 месяцев назад

My mother was very quiet. She was not mean as a child or moody. She was quiet but if she felt like I wasn't talking to her right after school, she would cry but it was an explosive cry that scared me.

@makethatchangelifecoaching4009 10 месяцев назад

That's not what happened to me, I wasn't congratulated for doing stiff on my own, I was forced because she was sick a lot and we were poor, so I had to grow up fast, getting jobs at a young age, showing up for myself cause there was no one else there wen mom was sick.

@cherylmusfelt599 Год назад

I admire you because you have 'broken through' so to speak. I can relate to this as the daughter of an emotionally unavailable mom and consequently as the emotionally unavailable mom of 2 sons. I'm older than you, my sons are adults but this haunts me, the fact that I was unavailable to them, especially my oldest son. I'm on the path of healing now but still feel so much guilt. And I feel mostly sympathy for my mom. Anyway, thank you 🙏

@Sunny-vm4ry Год назад

Tell them all about it 😁

@nicolemctavish9089 Год назад

Thank you so much for doing this work. You clearly understand what many of us have gone through. My mom actually once told me that she was jealous of me and was afraid that other people would think that I was nicer than she was. At the time I felt stunned. I understand it better now but it's still a confusing and unsettling message for a mother to give to her daughter.

@theintuitivecipher Год назад

Omg. Thank you so much for this video! The value in this is that of gold! I knew my mum was emotionally unavailable but you just helped me understand everything that I’ve been feeling and struggling with. Thank so much 🥹 I feel for her cos I know she was raised by the same kind of mum. So much love to you for all that you do ❤❤

@DesertRose76 Год назад

Wow, my heart goes out to you for your parents not giving you and your siblings the affection and closeness that you deserved. I love watching your videos -- they help me tremendously because I am a daughter of an unavailable mother. But today I got to see this issue in you, and I felt a lot of compassion for you. You know, I told my husband the other day that my mom never said "I love you". Now I live in the U.S., and she lives in Brazil, but we still talk every day. She gets nervous if I don't call her every day, so sometimes even though I have nothing to say, I have to call her. Yet, she cannot express one drop of affection toward me. I'm 46 going on 47 this year, and she just turned 76. I realize, as much as it hurts me, that she will never be loving and affectionate, and that hurts a lot. Another thing that she does that I hate is talk about when she dies... this or that will happen. I hate it and I already asked her to stop doing it, but she does it anyway. I don't know if she does it sadistically, to just see me suffer, or if she just doesn't get it. I think she is sadistic. Anyway, I really appreciate your videos, and once again, my heart goes out to you for also having this experience with an emotionally unavailable mother. Take care, Lisa! Luciana

@catgrl76 Год назад

PREACH!! My mom, since her childhood, has been parentified. Caretaking, cooking, cleaning etc for my grandmother. She married my dad and ALWAYS defers to what he wants, or what she thinks he wants. To this day she will lament and feel sorry for herself because she can't have xyz for dinner. I'll ask why if it's something she likes and the answer is always "nobody else will eat it "or "your father doesn't like it." As if it is the most selfish thing in the world to cook something she alone would like. There are many other examples like this. I have an older, domineering, passive aggressive sibling who lives with them and she caters to his every whim. THAT is the dynamic I grew up around and struggle with in adulthood. I almost married a man who was like this and who was highly emotionally abusive. To your point about doing everything for oneself, I am in the same boat and have been for years. I hate having to ask for favors from anyone.

@rturney6376 Год назад

Asking for help is hard! ❤😢

@karenswartz8280 Год назад

It’s like you watched a video of my entire life! So much resonated with me, that I had to listen more than once, and take notes. I’m sending the link to my therapist so we can have more conversation about it. Thanks for the clarity.

@OffTheWagons Год назад

She sacrificed my stability and happiness in order to please others. She told me I had to put up with stepdad when I asked her to leave him because he was mean to me. That moment was a turning point and led to so much pain that I resented her for years after her death. Resented her until I finally realized exactly why I had that feeling and then still was angry, but now am healing from this. Would always feel her emotions right under the surface and it was highly uncomfortable. She was extremely passive, very "everything is fine" and she crossed my boundaries all the time. Was never taught anything real about the world or how to be an adult and have had to learn everything on my own with no guidebook. It's a struggle, especially when crippled by abusive relationships.