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Daughters of Passive Emotionally Unavailable Mothers 

Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc
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#emotionalneglect #childhoodtrauma #codependencyrecovery #codependency Daughters of passive emotionally unavailable mothers and the cost to our mental health. If you are the daughter of a passive, emotionally unavailable mother, you have grown up feeling unseen, and unheard and most likely never learned to feel good enough.
In this RU-vid video about passive mothers, who are emotionally unavailable, you will learn about some of the consequences of growing up with a mother who emotionally neglected you. Was your mother a martyr? Did she cater to your domineering father? Would you consider your mother codependent? Did you sense your mother was jealous of you?
Daughters of passive mothers who are emotionally neglectful grow up unable to speak their truth. We lack boundaries and don't know how to live empowered lives. As adults, if we do not break the cycle of dysfunction in our families, sadly we pass along codependent traits to our children.
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Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping adult children from toxic homes heal the abandonment wounds responsible for codependent, narcissistic relationship dynamics. In 2020 she was voted the #1 most Influential Person of the Year by Digital Journal, and voted one of the Top Ten Most Inspirational Women of 2021. In 2022, she was voted one of the Top 30 Female Entrepreneurs To Look Out For by Entrepreneurs Herald. Her books Codependency Manifesto, and Codependent Now What? It's Not You -- It's Your Programming, have been voted two of the best books on codependency of all time. In February of 2021, she was voted one of the Top Mental Health Experts to watch by Yahoo Finance. In March of 2021, USA Today voted her book Codependent Now What, one of the top 20 must-reads for anyone looking to upgrade their personal and professional lives. Her podcast Breakdown to Breakthrough is a consistent top 100 broadcast on mental health issues. Actors from the hit movie WAVES credited Lisa during an LA Times interview, for helping them prepare for their roles as children of narcissistic parents, spiraling out of control due to toxic family relationships. Her work reaches millions of viewers each month via her RU-vid channel with nearly 600K subscribers. Her flagship program, The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program, has helped thousands of wounded adult children awaken their consciousness. Her passion for helping other wounded adult children stems from her codependency recovery journey. Lisa's understanding of generational trauma helped her recognize familial dysfunction as a form of subconscious programming that is passed along to future generations. Her desire to spare her three children from the faulty subconscious programs that ruled her life gave her the courage to end her toxic marriage and face her low self-worth, abandonment issues, and codependency traits head-on. Today she is happily married to her husband Anthony and is a sought-after expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery.
To learn more, visit www.lisaaroman...
Thanks for watching Daughters of Passive Emotionally Unavailable Mothers with Lisa A. Romano
#emotionalneglect #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfhelp #selfhealing #selfesteem #daughtersofnarcissisticmothers #codependencyrecovery

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26 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 1,3 тыс.   
@prairiemomof2
@prairiemomof2 Год назад
You are dropping solid truths. I don’t know if you mentioned that we also tend to develop chronic illnesses as a result of swallowing all these unprocessed emotions. May we all find healing.
@erinjean9971
@erinjean9971 Год назад
When I talk to my parents about my chronic pain, I get, “I know you like to complain”. All I wanted is, “I’m sorry, that sucks honey”. No emotion, I forget to stop telling them things.
@jessyjoyful
@jessyjoyful Год назад
True 💯
@hoppincin
@hoppincin Год назад
Amen
@hoppincin
@hoppincin Год назад
@@erinjean9971 same here. People don’t take me serious
@docbainl9504
@docbainl9504 Год назад
I got sexually abused at 14. Two years later was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes the first in my entire bloodline over 50 people to get it. I 1000 percent believe it was from the trauma I suffered. I now also have graves disease hyperthyroidism, polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis and goitre. I'm 34 and healthy but they're all from generational trauma. Every bit of trauma I buried came back in the form of a chronic disease. I'm doing much better though now 3 months no contact with my mother and yes she's still with the abuser. She came to my house uninvited last week and I sent my husband out to deal with her. She basically said to him no one but you believes her. 😂 isn't that lovely. Even though your pervert partner abused me 20 years ago I've found healing. I don't need to convince her or anyone that doesn't believe me. My cousin believes me my husband believes me and thats all that matters to me. ❤ love you my thriving survivors.
@GingerMarcel
@GingerMarcel Год назад
This is my mom 💯 She never hugged me when I was upset. I was taught that my strong feelings were unimportant. No hugs, no relating, completely ignored me. She mirrored my father’s disappointing attitude towards me, she completely left me emotionally during my 20s when I was finding myself when I needed her the most.
@Mrs-qj3bm
@Mrs-qj3bm 11 месяцев назад
This was me as well 😢
@nancybartley4610
@nancybartley4610 10 месяцев назад
@gingermarcel: I can seriously relate to "she completely left me emotionally during my 20s." My mom's indifference became more and more obvious as I aged. I have had the hardest time accepting this and struggle with guilt, blaming myself for being a bad daughter. You are right that we find ourselves needing our mothers more, not less when we were emotionally neglected as children. I am convinced this need correlates directly to the our mom's deficiency of interest in us as kids. We were an obligation and a burden. We were lucky she felt obligated enough to feed and cloth us. But the result is she kept us alive to later abandon us unprepared to cope with the adult world. We still need her to be there. We are the baby birds that fall out of the nest and sit helplessly on the ground still expecting Mom to feed us. It is a shame producing situation.
@lucysalinas84
@lucysalinas84 10 месяцев назад
My mom is the same 😢
@Truthseeker-kc8rd
@Truthseeker-kc8rd 9 месяцев назад
I feel you. My first hug as an adult was with my friends at 22.
@rizzacaasalan9606
@rizzacaasalan9606 8 месяцев назад
this is me right now😢
@AutumnJen
@AutumnJen Год назад
In a lot of ways, I'm angrier at my mother for being so passive and not protecting me from my father. As a mom, I feel like protecting my children is job one.
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 Год назад
This is very true. And, it is fair. Do we blame the alcoholic, or the one who is sober and KNOWS what is happening? Hmm....
@pnutbuttajelly1049
@pnutbuttajelly1049 Год назад
my father drank a lot when I was growing up. My mother was so passive and it still makes me angry
@stephanyhalo592
@stephanyhalo592 Год назад
Same here! I basically wrote the same comment as you. Your inner child was and still is worthy of protection, just like your babies are 💗
@Diarrheagod
@Diarrheagod Год назад
I was molested by my stepdad. And now that I’m older I believed my mom knew something was going on, but she resents me and says my stepdad and I must have a thing for eachother…making it seem like it was my fault…even though I was only a small child. This angers me so much. I’ve gotten into bad fights when she was drinking (she’s an alcoholic) and I’ve told her my stepdad is a pedophile. She acts like I never said anything. She refuses to acknowledge it. She doesn’t want to deal with the guilt and shame.
@ah3738
@ah3738 Год назад
I feel the same. 🌹
@dgvfsa66
@dgvfsa66 Год назад
I had the opposite reaction. After years of seeing my mother act like a 3 year old, I was so disgusted that I vowed never to be anything like her. I made my own money, I owned my own home, and I owned my own car. If anyone had to leave a bad situation....it wasn't me. I will never be dependent on a man for anything.
@annieno1
@annieno1 8 месяцев назад
Same here. I am not willing to be dependent on anyone. Not a parent, not another relative, not a partner.
@RS54321
@RS54321 4 месяца назад
This strong independence is part of the symptomatology that she talked about.
@skywrd_
@skywrd_ 7 дней назад
i wish i had the strength to fight for myself like this, props to ya!
@g_aware_nerd
@g_aware_nerd Год назад
Co-dependent, passive emotionally unavailable maternal unit. You are nailing this. I understand from a left brain perspective why she is the way she is, but being an adult & unprepared for so many things can lead to anger and resentment, from a right brain perspective. In my feelings, I'm like "Why didn't you teach me how to deal with life?!?" even though there was no possible way for her to have done this. Huff.
@JacquelineParsel-pc9fs
@JacquelineParsel-pc9fs 11 месяцев назад
♥️
@LN-jr6nj
@LN-jr6nj 8 месяцев назад
I feel this way too
@tabithabates244
@tabithabates244 3 месяца назад
I relate to this so hard. This is exactly how I feel. It’s difficult. Does your mother change the subject too if you bring up anything with her or cry to try and manipulate you into shutting up?
@joyceloveless7305
@joyceloveless7305 Год назад
I recall clearly discussing some traumatic event at school with my mother when I was about 10 and she listened intently then said "Hmmmmmm...well...can you go set the table for dinner?" LOL. My mother was very sweet but seemed like she just didn't want to get too involved in her children's lives....too messy.
@RS54321
@RS54321 Год назад
Wow, she just couldn't deal with that level of emotion, it seems. I remember going through a period of intense bullying at school and one evening while making dinner my mom said, without turning around to look at me, 'maybe it is true' (what the other kids were saying about me). It cut like a knife, and I again realized how truly alone I was in that home.
@yuppers1
@yuppers1 Год назад
My mom would tell me to stop talking nonsense when I tried to tell her my hopes and dreams for the future. :( It seems that when it's her issue we all (the whole family) needed to hear about it but our issues don't matter. It's probably for the best since what she did learn about us she turned around on us.
@annieb8521
@annieb8521 Год назад
Wow I completely understand,that is so sad. My mother was such a gentle soul,but when I really needed her she wasn't availlable, and that created anger in me because it just dint make sense! My mother was already emotionally drained because my father took all her energy,she had nothing else to give,my father would be jealous if she was with us,she had to be all his!
@KymmaL
@KymmaL Год назад
So so so true. I tried to tell my mum once that when I was 16, I was being sexually harassed at school by this boy.... she said. " well in 10 years the planet will blow up and we will all be dead." That was the Point I realised....I'm on my own.
@RS54321
@RS54321 Год назад
@@KymmaL wow, totally dismissing your feelings!!
@ivebel3966
@ivebel3966 4 месяца назад
at the end of the day, i wish i could grow old and live my life having had a loving mom, not just a mother. it rips me to my core knowing that the little girl i was started suffering so soon because of her. even when i was in elementary school i felt like i had to absolutely try my hardest to be loved, to be liked. i tried everything. she just doesn’t like me, and she never will.
@sharityjoy2427
@sharityjoy2427 6 месяцев назад
The “This is what emotional unavailable mothers teach us, it makes no sense to complain”. I rlly agree on that
@questioneverything7582
@questioneverything7582 Год назад
Yup. My parents are now over 75, and my passive mother stayed with my covert narcissist father thru all the cheating, emotional abuse, lies, etc. She made sure I knew about all his girlfriends, made sure I knew how much hurt he caused, but then when I hated him, she'd tell me I was wrong because "he's still your father". WTF? I was 11 years old when my younger brother and I made prank phone calls to his first girlfriend because it's all we could think to do at that age. Sick. She's tried to make me responsible for her happiness for years, but with your help, I've come to understand that's wrong, and I'm not responsible for it. Thank you. I don't know how I didn't marry my father, but I didn't. My husband is wonderful and kind. I have firm boundaries with my parents now, and try to stay as far away as possible for my own mental health.
@sandrazawada5316
@sandrazawada5316 Год назад
Good for you! You are a blessed lady!
@carnivoreisbetter
@carnivoreisbetter Год назад
Yeah they make us responsible for their happiness
@TinaLouise73
@TinaLouise73 Год назад
I got the blame for all the family problems and even a child psychologist told me i was the one who CAUSED all the rows abuse etc! The adoptive parents were evil and abusive and i got cast out once golden child blue eyed boy wonder grandson came along n literally jumped into my grave 😐
@oOIIIMIIIOo
@oOIIIMIIIOo Год назад
The boomer generation.
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
“He is your father” after emotionally dumping on me!! YES!! YES!! YES!!
@notsheepish8304
@notsheepish8304 Год назад
I had an emotionally unavailable mom and a partially available alcoholic dad. I was my own emotional support. I've never had a happy, successful adult relationship.
@carnivoreisbetter
@carnivoreisbetter Год назад
😢😢
@yogawithoutagenda
@yogawithoutagenda Год назад
Yet.... 🌺
@hereweare9173
@hereweare9173 Год назад
Me too!
@beautifulsoul1438
@beautifulsoul1438 Год назад
Your not alone.. I finally find people who I can relate to, and warms my heart knowing that I am not the problem. I was just a product of my environment. But as I become more aware of why I am the way I am, we progress. 🙏🏽✨
@user-vw6xp5nl6t
@user-vw6xp5nl6t Год назад
You never know who is right around the corner.. I hope you find someone you can trust. Peace
@bygrace8485
@bygrace8485 Год назад
My father was physically abusive for most of my childhood. In my flashbacks I can never see my mom in the room, I don’t know where she was when this was happening. But at the end of my “punishment” when I was bawling into my pillow, she would try to comfort me and always say, “ hunny, your father loves you.”….. BARFFF!!
@universaltruth2025
@universaltruth2025 Год назад
Which is just more abuse - gaslighting you and a complete denial of reality :(
@Ghst-qo1ic
@Ghst-qo1ic Год назад
My narc mom can top that. She would tell my dad exaggerated stories of how I misbehaved and that I was out of control and defying her. When it was more like I was a normal kid with needs that were going wildly unmet. He had a wooden paddle he would beat me like a rented mule. After he would leave, she would come in where I was sobbing in my pillow, and try to be the "good" parent by saying "he shouldn't be so hard on you" talk about barf. I would tell her to go away ( her phoneyness was repelling ) and then she could give a sigh of relief because *i* am the one pushing my parents away. I went through the sickest mindfuck. I'm 39 and it's so hard. This trauma is so devastating. It affects every aspect of your social life forever. I wouldn't wish a set of bad parents on anyone
@universaltruth2025
@universaltruth2025 Год назад
@@Ghst-qo1ic sorry to hear you went through that abuse as a child. I hope you find strength & peace in your life.
@Ghst-qo1ic
@Ghst-qo1ic Год назад
@@universaltruth2025 Thank you for your kindness, Stellaria. I hope I can too.
@viktoriyaoneil2006
@viktoriyaoneil2006 Год назад
@@Ghst-qo1ic , So sorry for your childhood experience. It breaks my heart for you. Sending you love and hugs. Take care of yourself and your children. 🤗❤️
@Anonymous-cl2es
@Anonymous-cl2es Год назад
Being passive emotionally unavailable is a generational curse with the women in our family. I never realized this until now. My mom was this way, my grandmother was this way and my mom's sister was this way 😔 when I started living my own life is when my mom started "hating" me and now I now why. So sad!
@infomagnat
@infomagnat Год назад
You're not alone in this trust me.
@linhuang5267
@linhuang5267 Год назад
It’s so strange for a mother to hate her own daughter because her daughter marries a normal husband, right? I felt so shocked when my mother showed envy to me for the first time. She also tried to teach my husband how to be narcissistic!
@kimberlymarie3651
@kimberlymarie3651 Год назад
@@linhuang5267I don't think it matters who you marry , a narcissist mother will hate/ envy you no matter what your circumstances are. My narcissist mother hates or envious of me when I ended up married to a narcissist at 17 , then divorced him and have been on my own doing well for myself and my narcissist mother has hated me through it all. I'm now 60 and my mother's abuse has gotten worse the older she gets.
@Dreamer12498
@Dreamer12498 7 месяцев назад
Yes it’s the whole bunch of man and women in relatives my mother my grandmother then I realized my aunts oh god it’s crazy I left all
@jeanclaireagudo1884
@jeanclaireagudo1884 4 месяца назад
Wow, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one going through this.
@kimfinnagan5809
@kimfinnagan5809 10 месяцев назад
This video is exactly what I needed today. It has opened my eyes and lessens my guilt. My mother is exactly as you describe. I’ve done a lot of work on myself but I find my anger with my mom is a valid reaction. She has never been there when it counted. She recently admitted being jealous of my good relationship with my two daughters-she has always tried to interfere and has caused damage. But to everyone outside she is so amazing and loving. I’m sad and am seeking counselling for this. I feel like I want to cut her off but I worry about her.
@rhondaradench7013
@rhondaradench7013 Год назад
My mom was a kind and gentle woman with no sense of self worth or financial independence even though she worked full-time for most of her life. In her era divorce was a dirty word and couples stuck it out because there were really no other financial choices. How do you leave an emotionally distant,violent alcoholic man who probably had severe post-war PTSD when that disorder didn’t even have a name or recognized treatment at the time? I wonder how many other daughters have observed with profound sadness how their moms have found a way to leave unresolvable situations by internalizing their grief and despair into cancer or other illnesses to escape their reality? My mom’s premature death at age 56 years taught me to never abandon myself. Thank you Mom.
@MrsRexLover
@MrsRexLover Год назад
If we can honor our parents in any way at all, it will be to learn from their mistakes and not perpetuate the generational curses that can persist without self-awareness.
@ameliel8792
@ameliel8792 Год назад
Wow thank you for acknowledging that illnesses like cancer can absolutely be caused by unbearable emotions. This needs to be openly discussed.
@elizabethevans6980
@elizabethevans6980 Год назад
My brother developed cancer and told me that he knows exactly what situation and circumstance caused it to occur. I pray for your grieving the loss of your mother. My mother passed in 2017, and it is truly difficult because I miss her so much.
@mrodgers3910
@mrodgers3910 Год назад
@@ameliel8792 There's a book called "When the Body Says No" that addresses this. I read it quite a few years back, but it really resonated with me. Recommended!
@lifeisbeautiful-nerin
@lifeisbeautiful-nerin Год назад
Poor mother ...
@tinanelson9505
@tinanelson9505 Год назад
This video really resonated with me. Especially the part of the unseen jealousy and anger my mom has towards me. Everyone sees her as an angel but she only reveals her dark side towards me. My now husband noticed it immediately and directly said to me that she is jealous of me and very cunning. That felt like both a relief and punch in the gut. I wasn’t wrong in how I secretly always felt. A trifling example. Just recently she told my brother that she missed me and wanted to visit me for my birthday. So she started arranging phone calls and visitation through him. She wouldn’t call me directly. But she posed as the doting and loving mom who missed her daughter to my brother. I had to stand my ground and tell my brother to not get involved in a matter between a mom and daughter. I’m the horrible angry spazz with mental problems once again. Earthly mother still hasn’t called and now wounded brother and mom bonding over how horrible I am. I choose to no longer have this toxicity a part of my life but feel too guilty and ashamed to follow through. I have to choose what’s best for me irregardless.
@sm3296
@sm3296 Год назад
Stay strong, you will be a great mom when you have kids because of this.
@PaperMario64
@PaperMario64 Год назад
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this mess. I like that you set a boundary with your brother. Don’t feel bad for doing so. Eventually, he’ll find out the truth. The best way to deal with narcissistic people is to not show emotion or react, because that’s what they want. Whatever way she’s painting you to your brother, be sure to do the opposite. Don’t allow her to win by playing into her hands.
@lindamorris525
@lindamorris525 Год назад
This sounds SO much like my family. Each situation is different, but I encourage you to stay away from the toxicity. It's normal to want to have a relationship with your mother and brother. It's uncomfortable when people ask about my family and I tell them we don't talk. However, I'm a better person for no longer playing their toxic games. I'm able to take better care of myself and that makes me a better wife and mother. Be strong and of good courage!
@tinanelson9505
@tinanelson9505 Год назад
@@sm3296 thank you!
@tinanelson9505
@tinanelson9505 Год назад
@@PaperMario64 thank you so much for your wise advice 🙏🤗
@GeronáRigatte
@GeronáRigatte Месяц назад
This is very relatable. Throughout my life both my parents have been emotionally unavailable, physically neglectful, completely clueless about me and my life. I grew up being very self sufficient and with the idea that i didnt need help and didnt know how to ask for help. They both know very little about who i am as a person. I can't imagine having a child and not knowing much about them. Never being there for them. My parents would often make out in front of my brother and I and give each other massive hugs. While both my brother and I watched uncomfortably- never having been soothed, touched, hugged, or comforted by them ourselves. It made me both jealous and so confused. I tried so hard to please my parents to no avail. I'm currently learning how to put my needs first, stop being a people pleaser and stand up for myself and my rights. My life has been quite damaged by my inability to assert myself and protect myself. I no longer want to be this way.
@ErumEhmad20
@ErumEhmad20 Год назад
The upside of having a passive emotionally unvailable mom, after I did my own healing, I can see women beyond their masks who are just like my mom. And that is a blessing 🙌 🙏 ✨️
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
❤ Excellent 🎉
@5bkgirl
@5bkgirl Год назад
So true!
@emilyknowlton8602
@emilyknowlton8602 Год назад
The " Live, Love, Laugh" signs and perfect family Christmas photos with matching sweaters. Trying hard to show the world how happy they are.
@BarbaraFearnley
@BarbaraFearnley Год назад
How did you heal ? X
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
@@BarbaraFearnley consider Alan-on to start. 🙏🌻💕
@LAMM117
@LAMM117 Год назад
Oh god yes! I watched my mother cater to my father, whom you never knew what mood he would be in, and then pretend nothing was happening while I'm over here walking on eggshells, feeling all these things, and her acting as if nothing is happening. It really caused me to not trust myself.
@LAMM117
@LAMM117 Год назад
She was so emotionally unavailable I clung to my father, which was JUST as harmful. Nothing was EVER talked about even to this day.
@Kate-ms5js
@Kate-ms5js Год назад
Yes!! She acted like nothing was happening!! Blinders. Really makes you doubt yourself…
@myfairhousewife
@myfairhousewife Год назад
This. This. This. My stepdad would do things to me that were inappropriate right in front of her and she would laugh it off and if it upset me, she would tell me I was overly sensitive. It struck a chord with me when there was multiple incidents with another male adult at Our church who would kiss me while my stepdad held me, and would hold me down and let this man kiss me on the face and lips. In front of other adults!!!! No one did a thing even though I cried and cried and cried. I hated it.
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
I am so 😢 sorry for your abuse in a Church setting none the less!!! 😢
@phabulouss1
@phabulouss1 Год назад
@@myfairhousewife Girl, I’m so sorry! Get safe, be safe and stay safe! I’m so angry for you!
@marciagregory7883
@marciagregory7883 Год назад
You have explained my entire life. I will struggle, struggle, struggle, I just can’t ask for help. Then I resent people for not offering to help. I remember my attempt at 10 years old to have an important conversation with my mom, and just being dismissed. I never really tried again, I got the message that she did not want to hear about my feelings. Thanks for posting.
@ripleysw
@ripleysw 4 месяца назад
Same here but I realized that with 6 years old. I never talked to her anymore, really talking! She left me gigantic traumas!!!!!!
@edl6398
@edl6398 Год назад
You are so phenomenal. I’ve never heard such a succinct description of this type of mother. It’s incredibly liberating to listen to. I am 62 and although it’s late in my life to learn, I’m so grateful you speak this truth so I can be free.
@Anne--Marie
@Anne--Marie Год назад
65 and in total agreement with you
@annieb8521
@annieb8521 Год назад
We learn till our last breath, there is no age that is to late to learn,even though I relate maybe you wish you knew earlier what you are learning now,guess what me to and everyone else aswell.😉
@doreenwilliams9622
@doreenwilliams9622 Год назад
63 and so much of this resonates with my mother, myself and my two sisters. The puzzle is still incomplete but the pieces are fall into place
@sunnyadams5842
@sunnyadams5842 Год назад
​@@doreenwilliams9622 keep working it out! Never Give Up on You!!
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 9 месяцев назад
Its never too late...
@2ndChanceAtLife
@2ndChanceAtLife Год назад
Only 5 minutes into this and it's almost more than I can comprehend. I have brutal C- PTSD primarily from how I learned to be a doormat by watching my mother.
@ankeenbeertje1981
@ankeenbeertje1981 5 месяцев назад
😢 I feel you❤
@sdgorg579
@sdgorg579 14 дней назад
it's almost incomprehensible. The level of insanity.... wow. Now i think to myself, wtf did I had to go through and so many people out there whom doesn't even know that they are just trapped in a foggy manipulative web and cycle of narc emotional abuse.
@LovinLnCottage
@LovinLnCottage Год назад
Mother and grandmother. Luckily, I had a passion for horses and managed to convince my parents to get me one by reminding them of a promise they made. My horses were my Zen Masters. Riding Thoroughbred sport horses and owning 3 stallions taught me to set boundaries and to find my authentic self. I chose not to have children to break the multi-generation chain. I also moved 1000 miles away. Thank you for sharing your journey because now I understand the subconscious reasons for the choices I made to save myself.
@RunninQHsRock
@RunninQHsRock Год назад
I can totally relate. Spent 20 years on the racetrack and young horses will definitely school you on boundaries. And I also never entertained the idea of having kids. The idea that I could be a fraction as cruel as my parents terrifies me whether it's a realistic prediction or not. Left the track because of all the traveling and moral disdain for the industry itself but still have the OTQH I used for ponying races. He's 21 now and still demonstrating the art of walking softly and carrying a big stick. The young goober of an OTTB he's turned out with will be a better horse for knowing him lol.
@xxiiooqp
@xxiiooqp Год назад
O. M. G. I chose not to have children just to avoid becoming a twofaced, passive ignorant, bitter bully. No one deserves this kind of a mother. Sadly I recognise these patterns in myself. My grandmother and my mother were like this. I don't want this cycle to go on.
@RunninQHsRock
@RunninQHsRock Год назад
@@xxiiooqp I've reached a point where I accept that there's a narrow spectrum in which I can have a positive effect on the world.
@Theowlhawk
@Theowlhawk Год назад
Wow! Horses are amazing beings x
@Theowlhawk
@Theowlhawk Год назад
Didn't have children either. Rescued many animals throughout my life.
@basicbase749
@basicbase749 Год назад
My mother's idea of being emotionally available is when I share my issues with her, she is crying to me about her feelings which were supposed to be mine in the first place, but somehow she always felt sorry for herself, made me feel guilty for making her cry, when I showed discontent towards her behavior. I can never develop any healthy connection with her, I have realized with time.
@Wealthismybirthright
@Wealthismybirthright Год назад
Yes they are superficial & ignorant & narcissistic. I been through this to in a similar way. I could be talking about a bad day, ranting about my pain, or happy accomplishments and you could tell when they are not truly invested into your life that well. They’ll ignore it or undermine you or just be distant or change the subject to make it about them or their other children if they have a golden child like most narcissists do.
@lindamorris525
@lindamorris525 Год назад
So many of the things you described reflected my childhood: I felt safer being quiet; saying something brought ridicule or anger; stuffing emotions because I was told not to feel them. This is life changing information! I thank you with my whole heart for sharing what you experienced and what you have learned! You have given me hope of healing. Thank you!
@aliciabisso
@aliciabisso Год назад
My mother was a “victim” of my narcissistic father, so my obligation as a 11 child was to take care of my three younger siblings. Now, I’m 49 years old, and she’s still under my father thumb and I’m the bad daughter to blame. This year I went zero contact with all of them; I got tired of the criticism, the un validation, the guilt and the manipulation she exercise in behave of my father. Their responsibility as a family is NOT mine.
@mer7443
@mer7443 Год назад
I can totally relate to you. It was very difficult for me to accept this. But I’m so glad I am slowly able to see the truth and distance myself as well. Thank you for sharing. I hope everything goes well and I wish you nothing but the best because you deserve to be happy!
@itskylanotkayla
@itskylanotkayla Год назад
I completely relate to this! I’m currently in beginning 0 contact and it’s so liberating yet so difficult. I’m really enjoying my life and learning to be present!
@Nikki30288
@Nikki30288 Год назад
So relatable.
@samme1024
@samme1024 Год назад
My mother is completely attached to my abusive narcissistic father. I am disabled and have been living with them the last 4 1/2 years as an adult because I cannot work. After a few traumatic events last month (don't need to go into details), I realize I must move out and go no contact. They will never be able to meet me halfway. They will never be accountable for what they have done. They will always try to make me look like the bad one when they commit a crime against me or others that I find out about. I can't take it anymore. I look forward to building a healthier life with people who are transparent and healthy and honest.
@Nuverselive
@Nuverselive Год назад
Same here. I’m 6 years no contact and I’ve never been at peace more then I am now ❤
@jillien4898
@jillien4898 Год назад
I haven’t heard anyone talk about this, thank you! Spot on.
@jaida7746
@jaida7746 Год назад
Wow spot on. Unfortunately because my mom was so passive and I almost never spoke with my dad I became a very easy target for predators. I remember sobbing to my mom about a traumatic incident involving being held captive and assaulted and she calmly saying “be glad it happened to you and not some other innocent child.” Gee, thanks mom lol 😐 THANK YOU for this video!! Never have I felt so seen before
@devih9134
@devih9134 Год назад
The way she thinks is so sick!!! I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that ♥️
@ankeenbeertje1981
@ankeenbeertje1981 5 месяцев назад
I am so sad and happy at the same time that I can relate to you...I'm so sorry your mom treated you like that! Big hug for you❤
@sdgorg579
@sdgorg579 14 дней назад
wtf? i guess we need to come to terms with the idea of them being just hardwired to behave evil
@janethagen3385
@janethagen3385 Год назад
Wow, “Strumming my pain with your fingers, killing my life with your words.” So many things you said are spot on. My mom never had a mean bone in her body, which really messed with my head. I couldn’t put into words what the heck was wrong. My Dad was always very loving. My mom just a shut down child of an alcoholic. Healed now, although it took decades on my own. In my early 60’s and can love my dear old mom now. She has dementia and is very sweet. Finally tells me she loves me. My regret is that I missed the BEST part of my life and didn’t step out and try new things or an exciting career because I lacked self esteem. I had ZERO dreams. I piggy-backed on other’s dreams and interests. Still do not know what my dreams are outside of general things. She taught me nothing about anything.
@jarkachalmovianska7812
@jarkachalmovianska7812 9 месяцев назад
The same here... 34... my mom taught me everything about pain, suffering, dependence and loneliness. How bad the world is, how bad men are... very sad, traumatizing and alienating to the world. Hugs
@ginakilby1777
@ginakilby1777 Год назад
Im currently in middle of divorce from an almost 40 year marriage from my very controlling manipulative narc spouse! Im setting myself FREE!!! Thank you for all you share!
@ponytail911
@ponytail911 Год назад
You go Gina. Don’t look back ❤
@christinalw19
@christinalw19 Год назад
Wow! God Bless you!! Not easy. Be safe, OK? 😘🙏🏼🕊
@ShibbysVideos
@ShibbysVideos Год назад
God bless you Gina!🙏❤🙌 Same but 26 years for me. You're stronger than you know and you deserve so much better!! 💞
@cynthiaroper3127
@cynthiaroper3127 Год назад
Stay safe. I divorced after 44+ years. God bless you!
@questioneverything7582
@questioneverything7582 Год назад
Yeah, exactly. My mother stayed married to my Covert father, and would always try to tell people he wasn't the person they all saw and that he was the complete opposite at home. No one believed her and thought he was "the nicest guy". Fast forward to 3 years ago when I started working for my father's "friend" (they don't have real friends), and I realized this employer was the EXACT same person as my father ....covert narcissist with ALL the traits, I tried to explain it to my mother that he was just like the disgusting person I grew up with, and she tells me "Oh no, that can't be true. He's the nicest guy!" Wow.
@phabulouss1
@phabulouss1 Год назад
I listened to this three times in a row. I also rewound the part about the mother being the daughter of an alcoholic. This has been one of the best explanation of passive motherhood; and how crippling that influence has been. I was often angry at her. As well as having contemptible feelings. She tried to come across as a caring parent, and yes, sometimes she could be, but in the end, I knew I wouldn’t, couldn’t depend on her for emotional stability. And listening to this has brought a little compassion from me regarding. Stunted emotionally. What a pity.
@stephanieveenstra
@stephanieveenstra Год назад
Me too. Thanks for posting this video Lisa.
@Diarrheagod
@Diarrheagod Год назад
Sounds like we have a similar mother. Love and hugs for us all ❤
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
I listen to it once a day. My grandmother didn’t tell my mom things. Every generation seems to get better.
@stephanieveenstra
@stephanieveenstra Год назад
@@rturney6376 She didn't know or wasn't taught herself probably. You can't be an example of something you haven't learned, right. That's why it's a pity my mom didn't work this out because it passes over with generations so we the daughters or granddaughters have the double task or triple task to be an example for our children, reparent ourselves and teach our parents how to love oneself.
@samme1024
@samme1024 Год назад
Same here. I wish all mother's chose their children and what is right over the "support and whatever" of their husbands.
@annberlin5811
@annberlin5811 Год назад
You just desribed my childhood. I did everything myself .
@43warriormode98
@43warriormode98 Год назад
Me too
@annberlin5811
@annberlin5811 Год назад
@@43warriormode98 so sorry i know how this feels. I stopped eating when i was a teenager i weighed 85 lbs when i graduated from HS. Not until college, i realized i did this to avoid rejection from my mom. She wouldnt buy groceries if i asked. And we were well off. Its crazy.
@43warriormode98
@43warriormode98 Год назад
Sounds so familiar!! I still struggle to find myself worthy of meals clothes LOVE..I FEEL YA .💜
@wondering1916
@wondering1916 Год назад
Me too💜🤗
@Anonymous-cl2es
@Anonymous-cl2es Год назад
Same!
@BGL333
@BGL333 Год назад
OMG I am so sorry that neither parent was at your bedside while in a coma. That does say it all, doesn't it? Thank you for addressing this important topic. I had many of the same experiences.
@nicolecreates6936
@nicolecreates6936 Год назад
This one single video has answered so many of my questions and I have spent all of teenage and adult life thinking “I don’t get it” “it doesn’t make sense” “why is she like this” and now I get it. And I feel like now I have some closure and I can finally take the next steps towards healing. ❤
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 Год назад
Awesome
@lesleesanmiguel907
@lesleesanmiguel907 4 месяца назад
Same ! this one is right on the money 🎯 Bing Bong! I Love my mom, She wasn't a narcissistic but she was emotionally unavailable, I was the eldest of 6, I always felt like I got the least amount of attention. I've always called myself a lone wolf 😂 the vid confirmed it
@sheronlyn2693
@sheronlyn2693 Год назад
Wow not only did you just explain my whole life with an emotionally unavailable mother from the 50s but giving the bigger picture of her background with her father and my own father plus my own marriage was enlightening. Even in my early 70s I'm still learning who I am and what shaped me as things have become so much clearer the older I get and with that widsom and knowledge has come the ability to understand more to forgive more and to just accept, which is a blessing. Thankyou.
@jmonae9999
@jmonae9999 Год назад
That’s beautiful ❤
@Mbspitz851
@Mbspitz851 Год назад
You described my mom exactly. Now I understand.
@jennifernorton7476
@jennifernorton7476 Год назад
This really describes my mom perfectly! She always made sure that I never really had my own life, and she'd block me from taking action to make my dreams come true while I was growing up. I never understood why she was like that, or why she always had this strange jealousy.
@PreYeah
@PreYeah Год назад
@Jennifer Norton, It's because misery likes company, is why.
@juliedaviespugh1555
@juliedaviespugh1555 Год назад
😢
@rosalindluper2801
@rosalindluper2801 Год назад
This struck a chord with me. My mother never took any interest in what I was doing or wanted to do. She dismissed everything as a waste of time, one of her favourite comments being "oh well if that's what you want to do, that's up to you.." and I was left to make my own arrangements. There was aboslutely no support.
@juliedaviespugh1555
@juliedaviespugh1555 Год назад
My mother is the same Jennifer. It really didn’t hit home until I was in my 40ters and then just last year her true Colours come up to the surface again. Every family member thinks she Lovely person inside and out. This year I’ve become ill and I’ve had lots of tests in hospital to try find out what it is. She never phones to see how Iam , she gave me the excuse that there’s no point her phoning me as nothing really happens in her life and she has nothing to talk about. So I’ve gone zero contact since June this year.
@PreYeah
@PreYeah Год назад
@@rosalindluper2801 It’s because such mothers are reminded of their own lack of agency and ambition when they see their daughters showing an active interest to grow in their potential and strength. We, who went from clingy and needy children dependent on them, to adults wanting to form in our agency came as a threat to our mothers because we had something they didn’t - agency. And they can’t admit to it, and certainly can’t admit to getting the help (and doing the self-work) in order to support us better. So they try to stonewall us every which way they can so we can remain dependent on them once again, it’s probably the only taste of worth and importance they’ve ever known (to have us be dependent on them AND stonewall us to prevent our growth to continue our dependency on them)
@mynameisheidi
@mynameisheidi Год назад
Thank you so much for this. I will rewatch it. It's my mother 95%. She never ever ever raged. She maintained the Betty Boop, 'oh, darling' persona at all times. Always in character, always. I saw her cry silently once at the window. Never showing any of this to the monster. She adulated him, adored him, 'he' was never ever wrong. He was beyond perfect, godlike. She gushed over him. Uncomfortably gushed to the point it made him uncomfortable. He basked in the adulating, burping like 'oh, that's good', taking up space, dominating the entire household with the women and children scurrying around. 'Oh, look what your father did, oh, look what your father did' gushing, gushing all the time. She fussed over him, to the point he'd get upset with her fussing. Then blame her for what he was wearing. Why did I wear shorts (in an environment where most people were in pants) with a tone of accosting her to bring her into line to do better next time as if every word he uttered and every comfort was entirely her responsibility. She lapped it up and showed shame she wasn't bringing him the most utmost delight in everything she did and the way she was. It was humiliating and unimaginably distressing to watch, as she poured her heart into making the meals, keeping a clean home, always the best quality that could be afforded for certain things, and neglecting others, raising three children and working a job that in the latter years earned more than him. She was a weasly slave woman trying to come off as a feminist who'd won the man and done it all and was above everyone else in society because she had a 'European man' who was refined (I grew up in Australia).
@Sunny-vm4ry
@Sunny-vm4ry Год назад
Holy Mackerel! But I can relate! Glad you see it now!!
@foteotw
@foteotw Год назад
I stayed in an unfulfilling relationship for ten years and all my mom said all along was "Nobody's perfect, the poor guy just needs love"
@christinalw19
@christinalw19 Год назад
Thanks, mom. 🙄 (😘🙏🏼💖)
@corinneyaworski5274
@corinneyaworski5274 Год назад
Ugh sorry to hear
@paolah1828
@paolah1828 Год назад
Sounds like my mom. Makes excuses for others.
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
Yes, my mom would take anybody’s side before have my back. 😢
@AbhishekJoshi11
@AbhishekJoshi11 Год назад
Sad. Seems she was gaslighting you to believe that it is your job to fix and please him, and yes to make him feel loved. With no reciprocity!
@bushballistics329
@bushballistics329 5 месяцев назад
We learn a lot of internal conflict that we don't know how to maneuver around. It is so true!!! One of the things I've learned about about myself growing up in this is, I do have a hard time speaking up right away . it usually gets bottled up and then it comes out Usually in a way that I could've handled better. All kinds of anxiety issues. All I can say with this is we have to push ourselves a little bit to face our fears . Have to find ways to confront people with things we shouldn't have to tolerate.
@chocolate-eq6jn
@chocolate-eq6jn Год назад
This video was not only made for me, but for my husband! It really helps me to understand him, given that his mother was a passive people pleaser, married to a very domineering man. It also helps explain why my mother pushed back, every time I expressed a need. My sister has grown up to "go along to get along", when it comes to men, and this video helps me to understand why But I'm not wired that way. That's why I'm the family scapegoat.
@itsMalma
@itsMalma Год назад
21:07 .. i didnt even bother telling my mom when i almost lost my life until months later. same for miscarriages. i just... went through it on my own. I never heard this articulated this way about daughters of passive emotionally unavailable moms.. thank you im going no contact and its really really painful.. i miss .. but not if my efforts still make me the bad guy. if i mgonna be hated on, i need to use my energy to fix me. not them
@kateashby3066
@kateashby3066 2 месяца назад
It’s been a year+ since you wrote this. I’m hope you’re doing ok today and finding your strengths. They’re there, we just have to discover them and nurture them. ❤
@haveaniceday2208
@haveaniceday2208 Год назад
You described my experience perfectly. Incredible blowups at me out of nowhere, a strange and misplaced jealousy of me or my life in many ways, and no acknowledgement of any of my emotions, even now all these years later
@thethreadedtarot777
@thethreadedtarot777 Год назад
I just remember this unspoken code through which I knew it wasn't ok for me to go out with my friends for too long. No words, I just knew, she let me know somehow it was harmful (to her) to keep on having fun outside the house. Despite the awful feeling I still would always go out for a while, but after a certain period of time (let's say a few hours) I just knew it was time to go back home because that's what she needed.
@christineewing3492
@christineewing3492 Год назад
My mum was still like this when she was quite elderly, and sometimes would come to stay with me. She would get angry and chastise me for going out somewhere and leaving her alone in the house. I was in my 40s!!
@thethreadedtarot777
@thethreadedtarot777 Год назад
@@christineewing3492 ... I'm so sorry we had to go through this. Luckily we got ourselves out of it ;)
@manasamanohar4750
@manasamanohar4750 Год назад
I thought it was only me who could read my mom's mind like that. Thought that it was a sign of a good relationship, not a toxic one.
@thethreadedtarot777
@thethreadedtarot777 Год назад
@@manasamanohar4750 I guess a bond so strong can serve both ways
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
Yeah, it was weird when I finished college - my mom and brother made the joke “if she gets a car 🚗, we will never see her again”. Weird Abandonment issues!! Power and Control
@matilda4406
@matilda4406 Год назад
When my sister had an operation and was in hospital 10 days, I was shocked that my parents didn't visit her, (mum was still travelling internationally at the time) it baffled me, but then I realized it was not only me
@suelamalasi8654
@suelamalasi8654 Год назад
Thank you so much Lisa, from the bottom of my heart from all your amazing job. Crying from relief, I always felt I'm too much. Anger and resentment for steeling my joy for just being me . I'm a singer who's been silenced and I'm working to gain back my God given gift
@Kerrycelt
@Kerrycelt Год назад
I really related to this, my mum was passive and agreeable, served my dad's needs first, was emotionally numb and denied her own fulfillment. The more work i do on understanding and clearing my patterns of codependency, the harder it is to be around my mum's entrenched and denied programming of externalising and people pleasing. I have always felt closer to my mum, but now i feel the resentment of her almost stubborn self sacrifice, and endorsement of her own and others learned helplessness. As my dad becomes more vulnerable as he ages, he has softed in his domineering patterns, my mum seems determined to be the saviour for any family or community members that she deems are struggling. I have had to stand strong in my truth, in my own recovery, but i feel at such a contrast to where she is, it has caused conflict for the first time in years. I also felt to let go of needing to be heard by her, as i feel she is not able to understand what i am saying about holding someone in the frame of helplessness by enabling them, but calling it compassion. And it is for me to recognise my programming to release it, she has her own journey.
@BackFromTheBorderline
@BackFromTheBorderline Год назад
Thank you for sharing this. It mirrors - almost uncannily so - my experience. It has helped me feel incredibly seen and less alone in my own journey. Thank you, kind stranger.
@its.beenkxnny
@its.beenkxnny 4 месяца назад
i need to listen to this on repeat 🔁
@LittleBambi777
@LittleBambi777 Год назад
Idk why RU-vid suggested this video to me but it hits me hard. My Mom loves me and I know it, but what she taught me is always obey and accept everything no matters how bad it is. What I rmb about my childhood is there was no support, no comfort, no protection... even when I told her I was bullied. I grew up with low self-esteem, socially awkward and have no boundaries, don't know how to protect myself and I struggled... It even reached to a point that I couln't open my mouth to talk about my feelings even with my bff, at that time, talking about my struggles or feelings just feel same as committing a crime for me, I was mute emotionally 🙂 Now grown up I know I'm the one who will help myself out of this mess, I'm my own hero. P/s: I can't blame my Mom tho, she was raised that way or even worse, I still love her but it's just so sad and I cried...
@evab6544
@evab6544 Год назад
This is such a good explanation - my dad wasn’t a drunk, but my mum was very dependent on him especially financially- my mum was very obsessed with what other people thought & we were taught not to complain or question anything, we had to be what she thought was ‘good’. We were also taught we were wrong & other people knew best. Emotionally she gave me no support as a child & any problems I faced were made out to be my own doing. By the time I was a teenager I was a wreck. I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to recover & develop self worth. I don’t trust people & I am very self sufficient. To the outside world my mum is seen as a lovely, cake baking, church going woman. I see a very broken woman who is like a child & who will never have the insight to understand her own emotions & place.
@jaimiemainberger5039
@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад
I’m 43 and this one video alone just helped me to realise so much. Everything you have explained is right on! It’s like babysitting a child, I have to lead her around. She’s always the victim but god forbid if I have a need. I have turned into a lone elf and I don’t express feelings or explain myself and why I do things. Thank you for posting this!
@pinklion26
@pinklion26 Год назад
I’m 44 and my story is exactly like the same. I feel like I’m responsible for her state of mind because she seems incapable of taking care of herself as if she doesn’t know how. It’s a incredibly bizarre.
@jaimiemainberger5039
@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад
How do you deal with it all? I’m moving into my own place and told her she has to figure it out for herself and find a room to rent. Her response is “ I come from an era where the kids took care of the parents”. I had to hold my boundary. I’m 43 looking for a mate and living with your mom doesn’t help in that search! I told her she was very capable of working or renting a room she could afford. I’m tired of being the “ mom”. I resent her so much and I wish I didn’t. I start therapy next week so hoping that gives some direction.
@jaimiemainberger5039
@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад
How do you deal with it all? I’m moving into my own place and told her she has to figure it out for herself and find a room to rent. Her response is “ I come from an era where the kids took care of the parents”. I had to hold my boundary. I’m 43 looking for a mate and living with your mom doesn’t help in that search! I told her she was very capable of working or renting a room she could afford. I’m tired of being the “ mom”. I resent her so much and I wish I didn’t. I start therapy next week so hoping that gives some direction.
@pinklion26
@pinklion26 Год назад
I don’t live with mine but I see her every week and she says the same things, that in her era kids and sisters took care of their siblings. She refuses to plan anything for herself (going out, appointments) she expects others (me or my aunt) to take care of that. And when she’s feeling neglected she’ll start feeling ill and end up in the psych ward. It’s as if she knows she’ll get sympathy when she’s in the hospital. She seems to enjoy it. She usually ends up going every 2 years or so like it’s a vacation home. Meanwhile she has a lot of money, enough to be able to travel and live a great life but chooses to live in an appartment that’s isolated, never does anything nice for herself and doesn’t go out anywhere unless someone pushes her to do so. She never has a positive word for me and I do believe she’s jealous of my freedom while she’s rotting away in her self imposed jail of martyrdom. I feel bad for her because she had a bad childhood but she’s 80 now and never seemed to try to move on. She also never calls me but I’m expected to go see her every weekend and take her out. I wish I had advice to give but as you can see I’m still struggling with mine. All I’ve been wanting to do is to meet a man that lives in a far away city and to get married and leave. I feel there is no way to properly manage this situation because she’s getting older and weaker which is normal so I feel like I still have to be around but at the same time she has been the same situation since I was in my 20s. I feel like I lost most of my 20s and 30s to managing my mothers endless issues. How do we manage this situation in a socially responsible way? I have no idea. I hope to find the answer to this soon so I don’t spend my 40s in the same way.
@jaimiemainberger5039
@jaimiemainberger5039 Год назад
Wow that sounds awful! I’m sorry you have had to deal with this your whole life. It’s not fair. At least my mother goes to the mall, church, and lunch still lol 😂 I had to push her to do all that but she finally agreed when I threatened I would move out if I didn’t get some space in the home. She as I’m sure your mom does just feels sorry for herself all the time. She’s a victim and because of that I resent her! I don’t like or respect her. I’m sure you feel similar? I can relate to what you said about meeting a man and moving far away to start a new life! Before I get too shitty with her I am moving out in 5 months. I told her to figure it out and to my surprise she is ( reluctantly) doing it! Wouldn’t have been nice to had a mothering mom? I will never know that feeling. Probably why I refuse to have kids. I don’t want to repeat any of this! So I have dogs lol 😂. Good luck sister and I would work on your boundaries. That’s what I’m learning to do. It’s not our fault!
@rusticvibes2409
@rusticvibes2409 Год назад
My mom's two favorite things to say to me when she could tell I was going to speak my truth, "just be nice" & "don't rock the boat". The waves were huge most times. lol I felt mostly anger & envy from her. I understood the anger (I made her life harder with my dad), but her ENVY was perplexing to deal with. I get it now that I have been healing. That said, those two emotions are poison to my soul & I stay clear of her now. I'm now the "escaped goat!" 😉 Grey rock is my best friend when I do have to interact with her. I hope you do more on Passive emotionally unavailable mothers, its much needed! 💕
@tamarastone141
@tamarastone141 Год назад
Grey rock has been my saving grace!
@oOIIIMIIIOo
@oOIIIMIIIOo Год назад
You haven't made her life harder with your Dad, she had chosen it.
@ac1646
@ac1646 Год назад
'escaped goat'. Love it 😆😍
@Sunny-vm4ry
@Sunny-vm4ry Год назад
@@ac1646 mee toooo!! Escaped Goat!! Clever!!!
@BackFromTheBorderline
@BackFromTheBorderline Год назад
This comment. Talk about relatable. especially the part about the anger being easier to understand than the subtle simmering jealousy. Its almost like a truth your body tries so hard to reject. Bizarre and indescribable pain that is difficult to explain to someone else who can’t understand.
@sondrah150
@sondrah150 Год назад
I did my best to grow up invisable. Since being introduced to a switch and a belt at three years old i was an only child i understood it was safer to not draw attention to myself. I played out of sight and had as little contact as pisdible with either them. My mother catered to my dad . I was just baggage
@susanmutch6779
@susanmutch6779 Год назад
Me too!
@lesleyvivien2876
@lesleyvivien2876 Год назад
This remark really resonated. "You expect too much of people." My father said it to my mother, and my husband said it to me. I think what we expected were things like honesty, transparency and kindness. Obviously unreasonable! Unrelated flashback: When I was 16, I came home to N London from staying with a family in Paris. I left Paris at 10 pm. Train, roundabout night ferry, train, tube and walk from the station, and finally opened the front door at 3pm. My father and brother were out, and my mother was in the kitchen, preparing food. She looked up when I came in, and said, "Oh - it's you."
@corinneyaworski5274
@corinneyaworski5274 Год назад
Thank you Lisa. I watched my mother and her passive aggressive attitude. She was terribly abused by my alcoholic dad, as was my brother, my sister and me. I did feel my mom was jealous of me! Somehow, I blamed her for accepting the abuse and letting him abuse us. I'm still angry as I was the youngest and was scapegoated by my brother and sister as well. I thought any strong feeling as anger, fear, need was to be suppressed at all costs. Now I'm still dealing with this as an older person. The only way out of my depression is to see that Jesus is there for me when nobody else is.
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 Год назад
You can work through this and learn to surrender and even accept that you are love🤗even if you are an ACOA and even if your mother was stuck in a dysfunctional marriage and even if you grew up not feeling loved. You are love ❤️
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
You are LOVE 💗!!! Check out the work of David Hawkins and Kyle Cease. 🎉❤😊
@eyesaidit5195
@eyesaidit5195 Год назад
Omg so true
@iofb.hulder
@iofb.hulder Год назад
Every last bit is relevant. I've kind of overcompensated by becoming more direct and confident with boundaries, and I always stick up for myself, as well as people in my presence. This wasn't always so. I feel like I've done so much dirty work on the inside picking apart the relationship with my mom, and she never has. I've been in a quiet state of resentment for awhile over that fact, but I have also developed so much inner fortitude. Thank you for sharing this, your thoughts are entirely appreciated ❤️❤️❤️
@mosim9691
@mosim9691 Год назад
Put this video on "loop!" Must have heard this 7 or more times already! Many thanks, Lisa! So so helpful! My Mom eventually gave up from having to deal with my narc dad & chose to check out by laying in bed & doing nothing day-in & day-out. I was left taking care of my little sisters while growing up.
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 Год назад
That’s awesome!
@BN4n
@BN4n Год назад
My Mother had Borderline Personality Disorder combined with Bi-Polar Disorder with a couple of Psychotic episodes that resulted in her being sectioned once... So in a nutshell, she actually fits the passive emotionally unavailable mother definition. She always blamed all her issues on my Dad and was always playing the victim even to this day! Nothing was ever her fault or will ever will be! But all of the trauma from my childhood has never stopped me from being the best Mom to my daughter! Yes, I doubted myself at various points in my life but refused to be a victim at any point...and found the inner strength to break away from the cycle! It is not as difficult as one thinks...
@ladycsays7526
@ladycsays7526 Год назад
I have been married 14 years. Been miserable the whole time. Also feel stuck and like I can't go. I'm disabled, pretty much living on disability and have no where to go. I'm just existing not living at all.
@gillymac9363
@gillymac9363 Год назад
I pray you manifest freedom and joy x
@Raminakai
@Raminakai Год назад
Is there anyone you can reach out to..start going to a support group? It might be helpful for you to start attending something where you can express yourself and be heard and have opportunities to make connections. Celebrate Recovery is a great place to do that. If transportation is a problem, see if someone from the group can pick you up. Praying for you! 🙏🕊
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
Praying 🙏 for you!! ❤❤❤
@doricetimko332
@doricetimko332 Год назад
Praying for your personal freedom and for you to experience joyful moments
@spirituallysafe
@spirituallysafe Год назад
Do you know the Lord Jesus personally?
@meganfox5219
@meganfox5219 Год назад
Me too… when I was getting married I was thinking to myself and my Spirit was screaming don’t do it. And I said to myself because I was afraid to tell someone no… here I go I’m doing it anyway. Yes 🙌… I had that mindset and believed all kinds of lies I told myself as to why I couldn’t leave. Eek!!!! I would say I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I suffered from my lack of knowledge and understanding when it came to who I am and how these things work. Now I have a 19 year old daughter and hope I can help break the pattern. My mom was an alcoholic and raised by an alcoholic. I am in recovery and I pray to GOD that i will break these generational patterns/ curses. I have been that woman to my daughter as I was coming out of the terribly unhealthy marriage and the trauma that was all around. Oh no my daughter is overly independent because I was unavailable for different lame reasons. Yuck I’m sick to my stomach about my own replication of this in mine and my kids life. I really want my daughter to be free from any of this garbage. So painful. What a mess! I was codependent and my ex a narcissist. What a yucky yucky combo. So glad to be free! Have to keep healing and growing!
@IAmSherry12
@IAmSherry12 Год назад
I am the passive mother you speak of. I love and adore my children more than anything in this world and as I look at them now all grown productive adults it breaks my heart that I wasn't always there in the best way for them. But for me this started not with my dad but with my narcissistic mother. Who at almost 88 is still alive and kicking. She does not see nor ever will her narcissism or what she did to her children. My father who died at 69 was salt of the earth and a wonderful person but very passive. Mother left him when I was 10 and it broke him. And then I married someone who treated me just like my mom. And now my children are dealing with all of this and so am I as I tried to work through their pain. But added to that is the fact that they learned behavior from their father to look down on me to judge me to make me always the bad 1 or the 1 that failed. And frankly I'm tired of that. I want to know about healing for me healing for my children moving forward. Nothing that happened was intentional. My children were adored they were never abused. But here we are I want to move beyond the passed into a brighten your future. And honestly for me I also wanna learn to forgive my mother
@elizabethevans6980
@elizabethevans6980 Год назад
I pray for you on your healing journey.🙏 Forgiveness is truly a gift we give to ourselves by extending it to others.
@zsuzso7
@zsuzso7 Год назад
Your intention to heal is already a great thing
@YesJellyfish
@YesJellyfish Год назад
It's big of you to admit to your fault, I praise you for that. We all make mistakes and while you cannot go back, you can still do so much with your life for yourself and your children if you work on those things that you are not proud of. It's always better late than never, when it comes to healing, growing, forgiving yourself and being forgiven. I wish you the best of luck!
@CornbreadOracle
@CornbreadOracle Год назад
I’m the daughter of such a union; no abuse but my mom was passive (childhood trauma there). Luckily my dad came from a great family and was distant but otherwise a pretty great guy. We kids all landed on our feet and are able to understand that our parents did the best they could with the tools they had. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Loving your kids eases so many bumps!
@fannym9034
@fannym9034 Год назад
​@@YesJellyfish v v vvvv vv v c 5 5x5rx5x 5 5
@luisacastillo7939
@luisacastillo7939 Год назад
Wow this is literally my mother and I it’s so hard to heal from all this. Happy to realize all these things are true and I’ll not the only one with this type of experience.
@Laelin123
@Laelin123 Месяц назад
I feel like for my whole life Icw been looking for an explanation of what happened to me. I am 38 years old. I cannot quite believe how perfectly you have described my mother and my family dynamics. I feel I can finally start working with specific effects of this through your explanation. Thank you!
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 Месяц назад
@@Laelin123 I am honored you have found my work🙏
@JenniferSinclair-o3m
@JenniferSinclair-o3m 4 месяца назад
I LOVE this video. The story of my entire childhood!!! But Lisa Romano, my twin sister and I SWUNG THE OTHER WAY. We are the OPPOSITE of our mother! We started out in our adult lives messed up and I was super super angry toward her. But we are middle age now and have set boundaries and are very vocal in life!!!!!
@ginaeboldt5107
@ginaeboldt5107 Год назад
I’m in tears, what a wake up call. thank you Lisa. I had stroke and she was acting this way too. Your videos have helped and continue to do so. ❤️
@tracy3364
@tracy3364 Год назад
I've always felt my mom was emotionally not there for us I could never put it into words it was always a feeling...I've always felt lonely and did things myself and inturn it made me incredibly emotional and angry ...and I'm a people pleaser hyper sensitive extreme low self esteme scared of everything incase i fail...my mom always dealt with my dad and his emotions first we were never heard and listened to ever she always zoned out emotionally so I've never gone to her for support and never would infact i never gi to anyone I know she feels it now ... but if I told her why it would hurt her. So I'm disconnect from her emotionally it's sad. I could never go to her with any troubles in my life I wouldn't feel comfortable, we don't hug each other at anytime or say I love you. Thank you for your video it has helped me
@alisonrusling612
@alisonrusling612 Год назад
My mum has passed away she never stood up to my narcissistic dad and I did forgive her she had dementia so I had to get pass it but very hard felt so let down she never stuck up for us 💔💔
@alexandriaarroyo233
@alexandriaarroyo233 Год назад
Amazing. I’m a textbook case. My mother ended up developing bipolar disorder and I feel it was the culmination of years of living like this
@sm3296
@sm3296 Год назад
Came to see if I was this kind of mom, but learned I was raised by a passive emotionally unavailable mom. She was quiet, lived under my dads thumb and never stood up for herself or us. I lost her a long time ago and I wish she had found herself and we could have had a good relationship. Now I see how I was raised has shaped my relationship with my daughter.
@lynnehannon4036
@lynnehannon4036 Год назад
This was a mind-blowing video- I’ll be watching it again. It’s really helped me to connect more dots. My narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, victimized, martyr of a mother passed away in June. My whole life I’ve wondered why I’ve always attracted the men that I have. I even ended up marrying someone just like my mother and been divorced for almost 6 years now. Still healing and continuing to work through many things. Blaming other people for her unhappiness was the big “ah-ha”… Looking back at my own marriage , I noticed the pattern forming. Luckily, I got out and broke the cycle. It was best for everyone, but especially for my two sons. It was the right decision and have been on my healing journey ever since. Thank you for your videos- this one, in particular hit the mail on the head! Thank you!…🙏🏻💫
@christinamarie1705
@christinamarie1705 Год назад
My mom grew up very isolated and always believed what she was told, so when I was a young curious child she saw me as a problem that she was not equipped with the skills to handle and often pawned me off to my father 😢 He always applauded my curiosity. Now in adulthood I have spent ample time attempting to help them both to heal from their own traumatic childhood wounds while still learning and continuously working to heal my own emotional wounding. Now facing divorce in my own marriage I can feel the deeply rooted patterns pulling me into a desire to return to and attempt to mend a relationship that I can only describe as equally painful and pleasant. Thank you so much for the work you do to help our society to heal from negative relationship patterns that have been passed down through the generations of time 🙏🥰
@hazelfrond1830
@hazelfrond1830 Год назад
I had focused on growing up with a volatile father but your beautifully articulated description of the emotionally passive mother helped me to see the habits she passed on to me. Your explanation that your "freedom can be a trigger" for her hit home. This jealous fear response frustrated my attempts to seek independence and mastery in my adult life. I don't have to be another generation who swallows her self worth to appease others. I'm sorry you could not see this in your time, Mom.
@karenswartz8280
@karenswartz8280 Год назад
It’s like you watched a video of my entire life! So much resonated with me, that I had to listen more than once, and take notes. I’m sending the link to my therapist so we can have more conversation about it. Thanks for the clarity.
@tranquilityteachings4247
@tranquilityteachings4247 Год назад
Yes. I broke this pattern. Still healing in lots of ways but I speak up for my daughter.
@SigridMadalina
@SigridMadalina 5 месяцев назад
My mother is trapped but says she is free, unavailable but says she is always there for me. Doesn't accept the truth, becomes defensive, doesn't recognize almost anything about her behavior.
@bonesonstones1
@bonesonstones1 Месяц назад
All the solidarity, my mom is exactly the same. It's such a mindfuck to realize all thus 😢
@shawnykaltenbach9713
@shawnykaltenbach9713 Год назад
This really hit home for me. I have been an over achiever for so long because of people pleasing tendencies and having to be my own adult at such a young age. My mother was only 16 when she got pregnant with my sister and definitely didn’t have any tools to raise kids and thus deferred to my dad. She died of breast cancer before she could ever do her own work sadly. Had a lot of tears watching this video. Tears of relief, sadness for all the other women who have gone through this, and I wanted to thank you for this video. I feel like I can give myself permission to feel now. So much was stuffed down for so long. 😢 Very grateful… thank you 🙏
@cherylmusfelt599
@cherylmusfelt599 Год назад
I admire you because you have 'broken through' so to speak. I can relate to this as the daughter of an emotionally unavailable mom and consequently as the emotionally unavailable mom of 2 sons. I'm older than you, my sons are adults but this haunts me, the fact that I was unavailable to them, especially my oldest son. I'm on the path of healing now but still feel so much guilt. And I feel mostly sympathy for my mom. Anyway, thank you 🙏
@Sunny-vm4ry
@Sunny-vm4ry Год назад
Tell them all about it 😁
@maryannlenoir190
@maryannlenoir190 Год назад
My mother is a narcissist and never was there and still isn’t there for me!! I have so much resentment towards her!!
@Nikki30288
@Nikki30288 Год назад
I had several "parental dads" because of my mother's lack of control of her life. I am surprised I wasn't more abused than I was as a child. I thank you for this psychological approach to understand my own childhood. For a long time i felt depressed because of my mother's sins and lack of parental care. I was a product of so many scary life changing moments and by the grace of God ...I made it. I am self made. I am married with h five children and another on the way. My mom still has the same behavior and I have to limit my relationship with her. It is sad. But that is the reality of having a mother like this. My mom was always easy to exploit and because of that...I was too. But now I just struggle to care for my mom because she didn't care for me. She is hard to love and forgive. I never had a strong role model and found myself attaching myself to older woman for advice. But yes my mom is jealous of my life. Even though I earned it all. Thank you again :) this helped me alot. I would have paid for therapy with no real advice .
@43warriormode98
@43warriormode98 Год назад
All you experienced as a child..I could have written myself ..thank you bless you for letting me know it's not me !
@retard_activated
@retard_activated Год назад
All of this hit home so much for me. And not just me thinking of myself, but of how my mom's parents "raised"/neglected her. The parts about pacifying and being intentionally too busy/distracted, etc. Hurts so much. After 43 years she can't (or just won't - because she's highly passive aggressive) remember that I hate jelly on my toast. But she can swear to God tell you, in order, the favorite cat treats of my brother's ex-landlord's wife's diabetic cat. All my life it's like she's done everything humanly possible to pretend like I'm invisible or at least, on the last rung on the ladder of things that are important to her. Oh, the stories I could tell you .. But the above example is literally what my whole life has been like. And my bio father was never around either, so I basically raised myself while my other younger siblings have gotten all the encouragement, time, affection, praise, etc. I see my mom face to face and when I try to talk to her - even just about dinner ideas, or life ideas - it doesn't matter, she won't ever just sit down and give me five uninterrupted minutes. But she will literally spend hours on the phone with my brothers, my sister, her sister and, of course... My brother's ex-landlord's wife. Or the lady she worked with 20 years ago. Hell, she'll stand there and full undivided attention to the Walmart greeter before she ever gives me the time of day. I didn't have anything useful to say, I just came here to feel sorry for myself. I'm never ever really going to have the mom that my three siblings did.... And I'm the oldest. 😥
@Wealthismybirthright
@Wealthismybirthright Год назад
I’ve experienced similar. I am the first born out of my female parent children. She really don’t know anything about me at all except my birthday & that’s all. She don’t even know my major in college, what type of degree I have, or my other accomplishments all that well. Like she never seemed invested into my goals, childhood goals, or anything even when I was becoming a woman. She’s dismissive of my pain, traumas, and hardships that I faced because of her fault & my fathers fault as a kid. They both were selfish, cold, dismissive, and all for themselves. I only talk to her about superficial things. I never had a true woman bond with her at all. Like we only are friendly about superficial things but most of the time. I can’t open up to her because she’s going to give generic answers or pretends to care but I can sense it’s not really real. She then flops to be the victim, and is a covert narcissists. She also is jealous of me which I have also suspected. However on the flip side my younger half- brother got supported, more loved, and she ride or die for him. She knows everything about him. My mother is emotionally immature, distant, narcissistic, and low key jealous. I got tired of initiating phone calls, buying bday gifts, and I’m always the one on phone calls excited while she falls asleep on me or she lays me no attention. She also just like her female parent, she will give others support, love and attention but not their daughters. I realized that it’s time for me to go coldly no contact.
@deemaysie6568
@deemaysie6568 10 месяцев назад
Ahhhh......I'm laughing my head off about her knowing the tiniest details about the cat's treats of a distant stranger's cat, but not remembering anything about you. To this day my mother asks me if I sugar and take milk in my tea and coffee, with the result that I have answered THAT question about a million times throughout my life. She showed absolutely NO interest in helping me with my wedding plans eventhough she is a skilled seamstress, but insinuated incessantly that my cousin who lived far away should be a bridesmaid and that she would make her dress. Take consolation that you are not alone. I have found that anticipating the barbs before they are released and being mindful to remain calm and seemingly unaffected has helped tremendously to minimize the pain. I am also low contact with her now.
@retard_activated
@retard_activated 10 месяцев назад
I just wanted to thank you both so much for replying and sharing your experiences as well... It helps me a lot to know I'm not the only one dealing with this... Especially because my mother gaslights my siblings and I. They all are convinced I'm the bad guy (woman) lol But my mom treats me so differently and I've tried explain this to them, they just think I'm crazy or on drugs (might as well be)! They don't hear the things she says to me when we're alone (once she accused me of sleeping with one of my good friends because I agreed to babysit his kids during a family emergency (I have literally NEVER EVER been romantic with him, nor have I ever been interested in him that way. Her comment hit so sideways I was speechless. Later I told my brother about it, and since my friend is also a 'family friend' and we all grew up together, he called my mom to ask her about it in front of me and she straight up LIED! AND CONTINUED LYING, EVEN AFTER I TOLD HER I WAS WITH MY BROTHER WHILE HE HAD HER ON SPEAKERPHONE! Ultimately, he believed her! And even IF I did, I'm 43 f**king Yeats old, it would be nobody's business! But that's just another example of billions, that have beat me down, put me down, destroy any type of self esteem I ever had the chance of growing. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I was left with an adult male babysitter (apparently that was a good idea to her?!) And I was molested. It even became a family "joke" about how he pulled my pants down... (HE did so much more than that). :( I have an almost 12 year old daughter and I would NEVER leave her with ANY GUY but I guess that's just me...). I no longer talk to my step-dad (a whole other story- they've been together for 30 years and STILL deny they are more than friends - not our business, but didn't build trust to lie to your adult children who had all had set, been married and have kids of their own!) But I digress, my daughter complained to me that step-dad wouldn't leave the room, or stay turned around while she was changing her clothes one morning. He told her basically to chill because he used to change her diapers, which is true. Bur she's no longer a baby, she's a young woman and getting boobies and stuff. I have gone OFF THE FUCKING CHART, I THREATENED TO BLOW HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE HAD ALREADY HAD A CONFRONTATION WITH BOTH HE AND MY MOM ABOUT HIM WALKING IN ON HER IN THE BATHROOM WITHOUT KNOCKING OR REASON AND REFUSING TO LEAVE WHEN SHE ASKED HIM TO! My mom says I 'cause drama' and me trying to talk to ithers about it is me needing attention and 'miscontruing' the facts. She chooses her 'not-boyfriend' over me 8 days a week. As childish as it sounds, I still just want my mommy after a lifetime of being shoved aside and stepped on and I feel like once I let that feeling go I'll be better off for it. But it's so hard to let go... I apologize for 'trauma dumping' but I can just tell by the stories you guys have shared, that you would understand and maybe have some ideas. I fully don't expect objectivity because we've all been through some rough things... I just started counseling but I'm afraid to open up to someone in person. I started counseling because I'm currently alcoholic but I'm trying g to quit drinking. Tomorrow I start day one detoxing on Librium.... I'm ashamed to admit, I'm definitely having a beer tonight! I hope you guys are doing better now, and I hope I'll be finally making some real progress in my life in these next few weeks. Thank you for taking the time to reply and share your own experiences... Honestly didn't expect anyone to read it or care, so I appreciate you both very, very much! ❤️
@raelcharles
@raelcharles Год назад
OMG! You are SOOOOO ON POINT! I was just sharing this with my mate and realized that due to this dynamic you are sooo right as it pertains to my experience Lisa…Thx for the info you share. It’s helped me a great deal…❤
@ericachitwood2465
@ericachitwood2465 Год назад
Lisa I want to get to where u are. Your story about your surgery and your mom not coming. That would have crushed me. I'm so sorry. You are sych a beautiful soul. My parents are the same, they have not been to visit me in 5 years, they refuse to come visit stating its too far -when it's 4.5 hour drive and they travel everywhere else. In fact they have never, not once, visited me since I've lived on my own --since age 25 and Im now 42. So, im sure it would be the same, if I needed them they would not come! I so want your peace, solitude, and awareness. In fact, Id give anything to have that. God Bless you Lisa. It's so Sad to know you are not important to the people who are supposed to be your No 1 advocates- your parents. Damn it hurts.
@Julia-lo3lz
@Julia-lo3lz Год назад
You are such an eloquent speaker. I’m so pleased to have found your channel. You’ve helped me join dots between the behaviour I experienced and the consequences, it all makes so much sense when you explain it. Thank you so much ❤
@debvansickle4031
@debvansickle4031 Год назад
Many people told me my Mom was jealous of me..but I thought that is so f##@ up..no way..because I have a daughter and want the best for her..but in my healing I recognized she is..
@stacydemontagnac5948
@stacydemontagnac5948 3 месяца назад
Oh boy me all day. This is taking a minute to sink in. I've been in therapy for 5 years after getting an FRO on my wasband. Nothing but revelations lost friends siblings etc then I turn another corner and boom! I realize this. I am struggling right now but I'll be okay. Gonna be a minute tho
@mrgoodvibes1253
@mrgoodvibes1253 3 месяца назад
Hi, Thank you for taking the time to spread this knowledge. Listening to this video helps, even though I am a son of a passive, emotionally unavailable mother. I've felt alone, ugly, and unnecessary, and I have felt like a problem in this world. I have felt like my sensitivity is a problem, at least what my mom said. The consequence of this has made me a people-pleaser, a too-nice guy afraid to offend others. But I dearly urge you all to confront your emotions and insecurities with a soft and non-judging effort; this will help you grow and build your character. Once you get to know yourself and what triggers your thought pattern, it will be easier to live with. Big hugs to all of you, whatever you are going through!
@catgrl76
@catgrl76 Год назад
PREACH!! My mom, since her childhood, has been parentified. Caretaking, cooking, cleaning etc for my grandmother. She married my dad and ALWAYS defers to what he wants, or what she thinks he wants. To this day she will lament and feel sorry for herself because she can't have xyz for dinner. I'll ask why if it's something she likes and the answer is always "nobody else will eat it "or "your father doesn't like it." As if it is the most selfish thing in the world to cook something she alone would like. There are many other examples like this. I have an older, domineering, passive aggressive sibling who lives with them and she caters to his every whim. THAT is the dynamic I grew up around and struggle with in adulthood. I almost married a man who was like this and who was highly emotionally abusive. To your point about doing everything for oneself, I am in the same boat and have been for years. I hate having to ask for favors from anyone.
@rturney6376
@rturney6376 Год назад
Asking for help is hard! ❤😢
@PaperMario64
@PaperMario64 Год назад
This has been so helpful. I was raised with a passive mother who prioritized everything and everyone over herself and me, except when it came to anything that could “get her into trouble”. That’s when she only cared about herself. I realized early that I was kinda on my own.
@hnb1113
@hnb1113 Год назад
Lisa, thanks for helping us to feel seen! I was that lone wolf child you described and still struggle with feeling like I can't ask for help without being judged as being too much. When I needed any kind of emotional support I was given the message by my mother that I was a bother. So, I sucked in my feelings and handled everything on my own. She raised me to be HER support system and emotional caretaker. When I grew up, got married, and moved away she wasn't happy about it. I was expected to continue to be there for her like I always had been. I didn't realize until much later how much resentment she carried toward me. After my father died I thought she would grow and finally find someone who would love her better. She chose someone who has done the opposite and it made her bitter and angrier. I went from golden child to scapegoat quickly. After almost a decade of trying, I couldn't take the passive-aggressive comments and being discarded when I tried instituting a boundary. I finally went low contact and it has made a big difference in my emotional well-being.
@makethatchangelifecoaching4009
This was basicly my story accept mom never made me feel like my emotions were too much but more like she didn't talk about stuff. She did comment I was too sensitive. I use to cry when I woke up in the morning when I was young because I felt cranky and took the teasing personally.
@makethatchangelifecoaching4009
My mother was very quiet. She was not mean as a child or moody. She was quiet but if she felt like I wasn't talking to her right after school, she would cry but it was an explosive cry that scared me.
@makethatchangelifecoaching4009
That's not what happened to me, I wasn't congratulated for doing stiff on my own, I was forced because she was sick a lot and we were poor, so I had to grow up fast, getting jobs at a young age, showing up for myself cause there was no one else there wen mom was sick.
@JenniferSinclair-o3m
@JenniferSinclair-o3m 3 месяца назад
This is my mother TO A T. SHE MUST HAVE MET MY MOTHER. She us explaining in this video EXACTLY how I was raised. Thank God although I ended up with a lower self esteem and OCD that is off the charts, I swung the opposite way with every way that my mother is. I am very vocal, stand up for when I see wrong inn the world, and stand up to people. I am not afraid of conflict because my mother's personality disgusts me so much.
@10pm15
@10pm15 Год назад
I had two reacuring dreams as a child; never ending staircase and my mom running up and down, never stopping by me. The other one was with my brother on the side of a cliff, where my mom would ski past us, never stopping. During your speech in this video I am in disbelief in how much I can relate to almost everything.
@10pm15
@10pm15 Год назад
Her father was an alcoholic, and her mother was distant and mean, catering to him.
@LynneC44
@LynneC44 Год назад
I had one where my mom walks me into an abandoned house-I get the sense that it was actually a newspaper office because I see a typewriter. My mother leaves me. I go outside to find her. The house is surrounded by a boardwalk and it floats in the middle of a lake now and black dangerous snakes are coming up on the boardwalk to bite me. I had that dream twice at about age 5 or 6, and have never forgotten it. I am 63 now. The other day I decided that the typewriter was there for me to write my own story.
@10pm15
@10pm15 Год назад
@@LynneC44 💖
@universaltruth2025
@universaltruth2025 Год назад
I had a similar reoccurring dreams - with my parents forgetting me while I was right there. One was where we were shifting houses. (Which we did in reality and in my dream). My mother and brother had left our existing house for the new house. I stayed behind with my father, waiting for him to finish some work and then drive us over. I waited and waited but he just continued talking on the phone and busying himself with his work. It began getting dark but he stayed busy and distracted and never did take me. I had that dream over and over. Another dream I had was that we had a house by the sea. I dreamt that my father, mother & brother all swam out to sea without me. It was calm and they were swimming towards the sunset. I had only just woken up and tried to hurry to get my things to go with them but it was too late & they had gone. Both were how I felt as the youngest child in the family.
@jrodamores87
@jrodamores87 Год назад
Lisa, you were the first person who I found on my path on lifting the veil, and understanding and accepting my codependency. That was 4 years ago…..Your words have always resonated with me. When I listened to this video, I felt like you were speaking directly to me, and my experience. You are an angel, who learned about how to overcome pain and then spread that hope and power with others. I appreciate your work more than words allow me to express. God bless you Lisa, and thank you.
@roll-nblessed22
@roll-nblessed22 Год назад
Wow so spot on! I've always felt so weird about my mom being jealous of me! I remember when in my late 20's I finally realized that it was jealousy - I was so stunned because it didn't make any sense that a mom would be jealous of her daughter, but all the symptoms- all the snarky things she said to me all the things she wouldn't come to it made total sense. Thank you for explaining bc honestly this has alway bugged me. When you told the story about the hospital I almost fell over. Unfortunately I've been in the hospital several times for very serious things and never, not once did my parents visit. I've alway know my dad was a selfish ass but I've always been so hurt that my mom wouldn't come. I realize now after you described your phone call with your mom that this was more than likely the same type of situation, my mom never learned to drive and depended on my dad to drive her everywhere, I'm sure he didn't want to do it. He always throws a fit when anyone is sick in the hospital and says he "HATES"hospitals and doesn't ever want to go - like any of us love them! Thanks again, so much to think about!
@ILoveHendrix
@ILoveHendrix Год назад
This explains so much about my life. I have spent so long trying to find psychological explanations for the life that I have lived. This seems to be such an unexplored area in psychology. You have provided me with so much healing by addressing this.
@m.e.l9482
@m.e.l9482 Год назад
This is literally spot on. What's worse is it is invisible pain. Such an incredibly hard wound to overcome and I've had them all as I'm sure many of the people watching this have. I have had a few emotionally abusive relationships and it was only after my last breakup that I put two and two together. I'm single in my forties and was devastated by that but have come to realise I'd much rather meet someone in a healthy head space than desperately stay with someone to conform to societies 'shoulds' Thank you for this video. Even though I've been doing the work for a long while, it's like a breath of fresh air to feel validated.
@kbooboo
@kbooboo Год назад
Many parts of this resonate with me strongly. Your description describes my mother too but mine with the addition of a passive aggressive side that was (and still is) very dismissive, discouraging and mean. I was always made to feel bad or wrong about almost everything. Blows my mind to fit the jigsaw pieces together of why I have struggled with self esteem and become a people pleaser, rarely expressing my own wants and being unable to set boundaries in relationships, at work or anywhere. Am now working on undoing all this negative programming...its a long road, but at least I'm now facing the right way on it..
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 Год назад
Incredible self awareness and awakening, it hurts to see it but it’s spiritual death if we don’t see it and a chance at rebirth if we do see it🙏
@chocolateradiance7216
@chocolateradiance7216 Год назад
My mom is passive aggressive too..
@pattyterry6432
@pattyterry6432 Год назад
This is excellent and spot on. Thank you Lisa for all the emotional work you did on yourself and now share all of it with those of us that have traveled the same road. You are helping me so much and I’m feeling visible again. I’m sorry you went through so much but thankful you turned it all into good for so yourself and all of us. ❤❤❤
@deboraharchuleta9896
@deboraharchuleta9896 Год назад
I have been wounded the same as you just a little differently!!! My mother though sides with my abuser to spite me I believe!! It's always been that way with her. So now how do you love someone who's NEVER been able to love and support you? I have made it this far and I've accepted and forgiven but I just let it go!!! Thank you for your content!! It sure does validate everything I've been through!!
@t-bonena3609
@t-bonena3609 Год назад
Thanks for sharing. I can understand my mom better now even though we will never be able to get along.
@bridgettetraveler658
@bridgettetraveler658 7 месяцев назад
My mother never taught me much of anything. I thank GOD for books & teachers. I joined the army. My Drill Sergeant taught me that there's no such word as can't. I used to do more for others untill I rea😅these ppl didn't do anything for me. Some ppl say I've changed. I tell them thank you for that compliment. They try to insult me, but I let them know I don't care what they think of me. GOD pays my bills & not my haters!!!
@jellyshrimp9006
@jellyshrimp9006 Год назад
My mother wasn't particularly submissive to my father and instead took pride in being tough and trying to deal with every problem on her own, sometimes even acting quite cruel by being emotionally absent and expecting the same behaviour from him; but it lead to exactly the same pattern of problems. She was trying to put work and what she thought other people expected of her way above her own needs, set no boundaries and kept her feelings towards herself and taught us the same behaviour. I think she was some kind of quiet people pleaser who thought she had to be strong and cold in order to deserve love and attention and may have been catering to the unfair expectations of her long dead mother.
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