I made another video in between this one and the one before, but it is n laptop and I was in the middle of it when my doctor called.
I had messaged her, saying I was in crisis and needed her to call me as soon as humanly possible. She is amazing like that. Talked me down for over 20 minutes. Today is the closest I have felt to needing to hurr myself to get the pain out. I literally cried for so long 😭
My doctor said I could take more valuim if I promised not to drive. I am vaping weed so definitely not driving anywhere.
I have made all the phone calls that I can manage today. Thankfully the people at the local community hub are going to try and help me. It's the place I I used to volunteer, so they know me.
I would also like to say thank you to who put the blank envelope with a beautiful card and cash in my letterbox. This has shown me once again why I keep holding onto my faith. In people. I am so grateful to everyone who cares about me and is showing me their support. I know I will get through this.
I just have to allow myself to come to terms with this unexpected news, because I can't achieve anything while in flight mode, stressed out of my mind.
I have messaged me boss to let him know what is going on as there's a chance I may not be my usual bubbly self but I am going to try really hard to focus on how important this job is to me.
I think now, besides dealing with moving, that I am going to have to postpone next trimester to next year. I have realised that I can still study in T3 over summer and T1 since they are both Research Methods. I have to do 2nd year in T3 before I can do 3rd year in T1 next year. I called uni but ended up getting transferred to a voice mail so just hung up. I will try again when I feel up to it.
Boss has cuddled up next to me under my throw blanket so I'm grateful for him. I'm not sure what I am going to do, but really wouldn't be surprised if I fall asleep.
21 май 2022
